But what exactly makes someone ‘bubbly’? Is it just their perpetual smile or is there more to this captivating trait? The truth is, this personality type is pretty straightforward, but there are elements to it you probably haven’t considered. 

So let’s dive in to uncover more about this great personality type. If you’ve ever wondered what makes your bubbly friends so special, this article will shed some light. 

What does it mean to have a bubbly personality?

When you think of a bubbly personality, you probably think of someone who’s smiling, laughing, and talking a lot in a cheerful tone of voice.

Well, that’s pretty spot-on for a bubbly personality. According to the Collins Dictionary, a bubbly person is: 

“Someone who is very lively and cheerful and talks a lot.” 

With just this one criteria, this leaves room for a very broad range of people to be characterized as “bubbly”. 

For example, there is no particular MBTI personality that constitutes the “bubbly personality” — in fact, any personality that has the letter “E”, standing for extraversion, could be bubbly. Many people believe that the ENFP is generally the closest to being bubbly, but there is lots of variation, and many others disagree with that. 

I myself have a close friend who is an ENFP, and he could definitely be characterized as “bubbly”. However, I also have a friend who is an INFJ, who is perhaps even more bubbly than him. 

There is clearly no particular profile that is “bubbly” — there can be as many beautiful variations and shades of “bubbliness” as there are people. But one thing is for sure, and that’s that these people are generally very well-liked. Let’s have a quick look at why.

Why people like bubbly personalities

Why is the bubbly personality so popular?

It’s quite obvious that people would much rather be around someone who’s happy rather than a constant grouch. But do you know why?

Research explains that being around happy people makes us happier too. In fact, you don’t even need to be in direct contact with them. This effect even extends to friends of friend’s friends! No wonder bubbly people have such an easy time making friends — they literally brighten up people’s lives. 

But what about how they feel themselves? Let’s take a look at the relationship between bubbliness and happiness. 

Are bubbly people always happy?

As bubbly people generally look and act happy, some people equate a bubbly personality to a happy person. But there’s an important distinction to make between bubbliness and happiness.

They are, of course, closely related. But bubbliness is more about the social behavior of a person. On the other hand, happiness is a long-term emotional state of well-being. A person can be very happy with their life without being bubbly. For example, I know many quiet and serious personalities who are living extremely fulfilled and happy lives. 

This contrast is harder the other way around: it’s difficult to appear cheerful all the time if you are very unhappy. So it’s safe to say that bubbly people are generally happy people, at least from the short-term perspective. Even so, some people are still positive and pleasant to be around even when they themselves feel negative emotions.

This is what researchers describe as “affective presence” — the way you make others feel, irrespective of the way you yourself feel.

A bubbly friend of mine is an excellent example of this. Even when I knew she was feeling down, sick, or upset, she was still able to communicate with a smile on her face. You could barely hear any negative emotion in her voice, and she continued to make everyone around her feel welcome and wanted.     

Clearly, bubbly people are wonderful to have around. Let’s look at the signs of a bubbly personality so you can recognize who these people are in your life.  

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

6 signs you have a bubbly personality

How do you really know if someone has a bubbly personality? Here are 6 telltale signs!

1. They speak dynamically

One of the unmistakable signs of a bubbly personality is the dynamic way they communicate.

Ashley Howard, a professional voice coach, emphasizes that the manner in which a person speaks conveys a lot about them. This is not just about the words they choose, but also how they deliver them.

These key elements contribute to a bubbly speaking style:

• Vocal dynamism: Bubbly people use a range of tones and intonations in their voices. This vocal variety keeps listeners engaged and conveys enthusiasm.
• Breathing techniques: Their breathing patterns aid in projecting their voice confidently, enhancing their presence in a conversation.
• Physical expression: They are expressive not only with their voice but also with their body language. Gestures and facial expressions play a crucial role in making their communication lively and engaging.
• Rhetorical devices: The use of figures of speech and rhetorical devices adds flair to their language, making their conversation more captivating.

2. They make friends easily 

Individuals with a bubbly personality have an exceptional ability to connect with a wide array of people, making new friends seem almost effortless. They can do this even if they don’t have common interests or a shared background — because their secret is their ability to communicate. They approach every person with a positive attitude, a smile, and a willingness to strike up a conversation.

This makes others feel like the bubbly person likes them. And science has shown that we like people who like us. 

In professional settings, such as offices, those with bubbly personalities are often invaluable for fostering a sense of community. They are great at creating bonds among co-workers that transcend mere work-related interactions such as asking for help or passing on information.

3. They love being around people

Because bubbly people are usually in a good mood, they often attract many people around them, and end up being the center of attention. They’re the ones who liven up any party, are able to cheer up those around them, and in general create a fun time. This is a by-product of their personality, but it’s also something bubbly people usually enjoy — who doesn’t want to be liked by everyone?

Their personality makes socializing easy, and therefore stress-free and enjoyable. Research even shows that being in a good mood makes people show more kindness to others. And being kind to others in turn makes you happier. 

4. They’re passionate about life

One thing you’ll be sure to notice about bubbly people is their infectious enthusiasm for life. They want to experience all that life has to offer, and they do it with all the energy and passion they’ve got. They know how to enjoy even the simple, mundane moments, like cooking dinner or relaxing in bed. 

And of course, they have a drive to do big things with their life too. This might be doing the things on their bucket list, trying new experiences, or going fully after their goals. Whatever the case, bubbly people are often the ones to “make things happen”. This can be very inspirational to others as an example of how to live life to the fullest. 

5. They’re emotionally expressive

We all hide some feelings from time to time — thankfully! But bubbly people tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves. They’re the ones whose laughter fills a room and whose tears are quick to show in moments of sadness. When they’re passionate about something, you can see it in their animated gestures and hear it in their lively voice. They liven up every conversation and life in general. 

More than that, they usually feel emotions very vividly and fully. They aren’t just for show — bubbly people have an endearing rawness and honesty to their emotions.

This is another reason why they’re easy to get along with. You can be pretty sure you know where you stand as if the person is upset, they will probably show it. 

6. They’re optimistic

They say that what you look for is what you find. Perception can impact everything about your life — a happy person and a sad person viewing the same painting may have very different interpretations of it.

That’s why bubbly people are often able to find the positive in situations, even when it’s hard to find. Their overall happy nature primes them to see good things around them, and they tend to attract more of it to themselves. Moreover, they are often able to create good out of difficult situations. This optimism reinforces their bubbly nature, as it’s been shown that optimism increases happiness. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Now you know more about bubbly people, including what it means to be one and 6 signs to spot one. Hopefully, you recognize many bubbly people in your life — perhaps you even are one yourself!

Though personalities are not something we are able to change about ourselves, we can all take steps to become more positive, cheerful people no matter what our personality type is. Take a look around at some of our other articles, and you’ll find plenty of tips to help you get started!

Do you know another telltale sign of someone with a bubbly personality? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Silvia Adamyova Author

Born in Slovakia, raised in Canada. Online English teacher, editor, copywriter, and translator. You’ll find me holed up in a bookstore, typing in a cafe, or immersed in a philosophical debate.

The post 6 Telltale Signs of a Bubbly Personality (and Its Meaning and Traits) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Firstly, it’s a good idea to acknowledge that a little insecurity is a good thing because it helps us stay motivated. However, insecurity is only good in moderation, and constantly feeling insecure or unsafe will not lead to a happy life.

In this article, I’ll take a look at why feeling secure is so important and more importantly, some tips on how to feel more secure.

Why it’s important to feel secure

As a child, I would spend my summers playing a version of hide-and-seek, where the objective was to rush from your hiding spot to the “home base” and yell “Free!” or “Safe!”. I can still vividly remember how good it felt to be “safe” after reaching the home base.

As an adult, I’ve found similar feelings of security and relief after successfully extending the lease of an apartment or solving a relationship-related problem. You probably have your own examples of uncertain times and how good it was to feel secure afterward.

Feeling secure is a basic human need

Feeling secure is a basic human need in several ways.

Firstly, there is physical security – we need to be protected from the elements and other dangers. But mental security is just as important – we need to feel that we belong and that we have control of our lives, that we are safe.

Being and feeling safe is the foundation of living a fulfilling life. If we’re not feeling safe, our thoughts and energy are directed toward finding safety and security.

For example, I’ve met children who have trouble doing their homework at home because of the unpredictable moods of an alcoholic parent, and it’s completely understandable – how are you supposed to focus on your math homework if you have to keep an eye out for your mom’s mood swings and whims?

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

How insecurity causes negativity

On the other end of the spectrum, being insecure in yourself can also cause problems. In a relationship, an insecure partner may suppress their needs to serve those of their partner, or overcorrect and come across as overbearing and controlling.

That’s why feeling secure on all levels is so important. We can’t learn, develop, or even enjoy life if we aren’t safe physically or secure in both our relationships and in ourselves.

John Bowlby, the creator of attachment theory, writes in his 1988 book A Secure Base:

All of us, from the cradle to the grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figures.

John Bowlby

In practice, this means that children develop trust if they have a relationship with an attachment figure (usually a parent), who meets their needs and is emotionally available, someone whom children can turn to for comfort.

Just like in the hide-and-seek game, the attachment figure is a safe “home base” that children can return to after exploring.

But adults need secure bases, too. For most people, it’s their significant other who they can always turn to and who gives them encouragement to explore the world, but it can also be a friend.

My favorite example of a secure base in adulthood is the “work bestie” – that one coworker who’s fun during lunch break and has got your back when you’re preparing to ask for a raise.

What’s the purpose of feeling insecure?

With all that being said, it’s normal to feel a little insecure at times. Starting a new job or relationship, or moving to a new town are all big changes in life and it’s completely normal to feel a little wobbly.

It takes time to adapt to new surroundings and situations. I’ve recently switched up my sleep schedule and after two weeks, I still wake up scared that I have missed my alarm and unsure if I’ll make it to work in time.

Even if everything is going fine, you shouldn’t panic at the first sign of uncertainty. It’s completely normal to feel insecure sometimes, it’s just a part of the wonderful and varied experience of being a human. Additionally, sometimes happiness can be found outside of your bubble of security.

Insecurity is also important for self-honesty: nobody’s perfect and it’s often insecurity that drives self-improvement and growth. While not impossible, growth is highly unlikely if you think you’re already good enough at everything.

7 ways to feel more secure

While insecurity can be motivating, it’s completely understandable that people seek security, especially in uncertain times like these.

Unfortunately, there is no VPN for mental security, but there are ways to feel more secure.

1. Realize you’re not in it alone

In our insecure moments, we might feel like the world is against us and no one’s on our side. But that’s not true – there is always someone who’s there for you and you just have to reach out and find your secure base.

Maybe it’s your family or friends, maybe it’s your significant other. If your personal relationships do not feel secure right now, try seeking help from a counselor (face-to-face or online) or a support group, if you’re struggling with a specific problem that’s making you insecure.

Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side: remember, it’s completely normal to feel insecure at times. But be mindful of others, too – just like it’s your right to reach out, it’s their right to reject your request. That’s why it’s a good idea to have several supportive relationships.

2. Check your body language

Look confident and your mind will follow. This doesn’t mean that you have to put on your best suit or rock a full face of make-up – but if it makes you more confident, then go for it! Often, a change in posture is all it takes.

When we’re insecure, we tend to make ourselves smaller – we droop our shoulders, lower our heads and hunch our backs. Depending on your personality, your mannerisms might be quiet and meek or nervous and anxious.

I tend to do these things all the time. At work, I find myself hunched protectively over the keyboard as I type out a non-confrontational letter to confrontational parents. I wring my hands as I talk to some of the more intimidating teachers.

If you recognize yourself here – maybe you’re drooping your shoulders right now – I invite you to do the following:

1. Straighten your back.
2. Push back your shoulders.
3. Lift your chin and gaze straight ahead or make eye contact.

How does it feel? Try to change your posture every time you feel insecure. Not only will it make you feel more secure and confident, but it will make others believe it, too.

There’s science to back this up, too. A 2010 study found that power posing – adopting open, expansive poses that signal power – for only 1 minute decreased the stress hormone cortisol and increased feelings of power and tolerance for risk.

3. Do more of what you love

We love being good at something because it makes us feel accomplished and capable. When you’re feeling insecure about something in your life, it’s a good idea to remind yourself of the things you’re good at.

It doesn’t matter if you enjoy running, golf, knitting, or calligraphy. It’s important to have a regular hobby or pastime that makes you feel good about yourself and your skills. Just watching a movie or reading a book may be the ticket if you love it.

Trying out a new hobby is also a good way to develop and learn new skills and feel accomplished.

In this case, it’s important to remember that perfection takes time, and setting smaller goals is the key to success.

4. Be more optimistic

Often, insecurities arise from general negativity in our lives, like some sort of snowball: one thing goes wrong and the snowball is set in motion, gathering size and momentum as it rolls through your life.

Yes, multiple things can go wrong at the same time, but there are always things to be grateful for and optimistic about. Even if it’s just the basics, like having a roof over your head and food on the table, or trivial things, like finally getting to binge the new season of The Crown on Netflix.

Noticing the good things also helps to shine a light on the things that are under our control. Watching Netflix means that while you might not have control over your living situation right now, you have control over your entertainment.

Having a home means having your own safe space that you can decorate and fill with the things you love, even if there’s a global pandemic wreaking havoc outside.

5. Trust yourself

This probably isn’t the first time you feel insecure, and it won’t be the last. Sometimes, it’s useful to jog your memory and remind yourself how you beat insecurity the last time around.

If you can’t quite remember, that’s okay – trust yourself to handle this. You’ve got this. Think of the hard times you’ve been through.

One way to build trust in yourself is to try affirmations or positive statements about yourself. Some good trust-building affirmations are:

• I can do this!
• I am good enough.
• I’m going to make myself so proud.
• I will succeed today.
• I have the power to create change.

6. Develop a gratitude habit

Gratitude isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a powerful tool for fostering security. Start by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. This practice shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant.

For instance, appreciate a sunny day, a good meal, or a supportive friend. By regularly identifying things you’re grateful for, you cultivate a mindset that recognizes and appreciates the stability and goodness already present in your life.

To make this actionable, keep a gratitude journal. Each day, jot down three things you’re thankful for. These can range from significant achievements to simple pleasures. Over time, this habit not only enhances your sense of security but also improves overall well-being.

Remember, gratitude is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes in shaping your perception of security and happiness.

7. Strengthen your social connections

Feeling secure often stems from the relationships we have. Strong social connections provide a sense of belonging and support, crucial elements for feeling secure. Assess the quality of your current relationships and take steps to strengthen them. This might mean reaching out to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, or planning regular catch-ups with family members.

Moreover, don’t shy away from building new connections. Join clubs, groups, or online communities that align with your interests. Engaging in social activities not only expands your social circle but also reinforces your sense of identity and belonging.

Remember, it’s not the number of friends, but the quality of these relationships that count. Nurturing deep, meaningful connections can significantly enhance your feeling of security in an unpredictable world.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Feeling secure is a basic human need, and while insecurity may have some benefits, security is the key to a happier life. It’s okay to feel insecure at times, but when it starts getting in the way of your happiness, it’s time to intervene. Security can be found in a positive mindset, looking confident, reaching out, and spending time on things you love. While not always easy, these are all worth a try.

What do you think? What’s your take on the importance of feeling secure? Have you ever felt unhappy due to a lack of security? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Maili Tirel Author

School psychologist, teacher and internet counselor from Estonia. Passionate about coffee, reading, dancing, and singing in the shower, much to the neighbors’ dismay. Counseling catchphrase: “It’s okay!“

The post 7 Ways to Be More Secure in Life (and Why This Matters!) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

It’s hard to argue with that. We spend more time with ourselves than anyone else. Yet, our impressions are often biased, embellished, or downright deluded. If we gain clarity with self-reflection, we’ll enjoy better relationships, self-esteem, and success. But reflecting on yourself is also associated with depression and negative thoughts. And many get stuck in reflecting without leading to any progress. What’s the right approach if your goal is both personal growth and happiness?

We’ve got the answers in this detailed guide. We’ll discuss 12 tips to effectively reflect on yourself in a way that’s both healthy and insightful.

What does it mean to reflect on yourself?

Let’s start with the basics: what does it mean to reflect on yourself?

According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, self-reflection is the examination, contemplation, and analysis of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

So you reflect on yourself anytime you ponder questions like these:

• Where does this opinion come from?
• What are my emotions right now?
• What outcome do I want to achieve?

Essentially, it’s any question that makes you delve deeper into who you are and what makes you that way. 

What is the goal of reflecting on yourself? 

Reflecting on yourself is a process. But you don’t do it for its own sake. Eventually, this process should lead to self-awareness, self-knowledge, and self-insight. 

For example, after reflecting on yourself you might realize “I’m not a morning person” or “I have trust issues with my family.” 

It’s key to have this goal in mind because the benefits of reflecting on yourself don’t actually come from the process of self-reflection itself. Rather, they come from its results — the insights you gather. 

These are so useful that a growing number of experts believe self-awareness is a key driver of improvement.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Different types of self-awareness

There are countless things we can learn about ourselves. What kind of insight should you try to gain — that would benefit you the most?

There are actually two different kinds of self-awareness, each associated with great benefits: 

1. Internal self-awareness (how clearly you see yourself).
2. External self-awareness (how well you understand how other people see you).

You might think that being good at one kind of self-awareness automatically makes you good at the other too. But research has found there is actually no relationship between them. 

We end up with four different profiles, each with a different set of opportunities to improve:

(Source) 

Research shows that the greatest benefits come from having high levels of both types of self-awareness. So if you’re not in the upper-right corner of the chart, work on increasing the type you’re missing.

But even if you think you’re already “fully aware,” it’s still a good idea to reflect on yourself more. Eurich found that most leaders believe they are self-aware, but only about 10-15% of them really are.

The benefits of reflecting on yourself

At this point, you might be thinking, “Why should I reflect on myself? It all sounds awfully time-consuming.”

You’re right that it takes time — but actually, that seems to be the one main drawback to self-reflection! When you do it properly, all its other effects are wonderful benefits that can make your life a lot better.

Let’s have a look at the main benefits of reflecting on yourself. 

1. Reflecting on yourself fosters personal growth

You may have already heard that people attribute their successes to internal factors like their effort and skills, and their failures to external circumstances out of their control. 

This might be a good coping mechanism to maintain a positive self-image. But clearly, we also have success due to good luck and failure due to our inexperience or poor skills. Imagine how hard it will be to make progress in life if we continue to tell ourselves the opposite! 

Reflecting on yourself helps you face these uncomfortable truths and achieve real personal growth. It can also dramatically improve your problem-solving abilities and resilience.  

2. It boosts your self-esteem

When you get to know yourself through self-reflection, you’ll have an accurate picture of your strengths and shortcomings. 

So when you do well, you can recognize how you contributed to your success and celebrate your hard work.

And when you do poorly, you can understand where you fell short and how you can improve for next time, making you more confident to try again. 

3. It increases your motivation and performance

Are you trying to learn a foreign language, a new instrument, or a challenging skill? Incorporate self-reflection into your routine to boost your performance. 

This means setting goals, tracking your progress, and reflecting on your efforts. Language students who self-reflected in this way showed better motivation, consistency, and progress.

For extra motivation, get regular feedback from your teacher or fellow learners. This increases external self-reflection. Study participants mentioned this as particularly helpful.

4. It helps you fit well into society

As you reflect on yourself, you also discover what makes you different from others. You thus get better at understanding and empathizing with other people’s perspectives. 

At the same time, you improve your own behavior in the context of various social situations. Self-awareness uncovers our true motivations and pushes us to act in more ethical ways.

For example, a study found that more self-aware people were less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. 

Does reflecting on yourself make you happier?

If you’ve already done some research on how to reflect on yourself, you may have come across some mixed findings related to happiness.

Here at Tracking Happiness, we’re all about clarity, understanding, and a science-backed approach. This article wouldn’t be worth anything if we didn’t consider all sides of an argument. 

So let’s break it down: does self-reflection increase happiness?

Self reflection can increase happiness

In the context of the benefits described above, self-reflection certainly improves your life, success, and happiness. 

Reflecting on yourself also leads to happiness directly. This seems to be the case, especially for moderately happy people when they reflect on meaningful events.

This might be because it helps them set meaningful goals, which are strongly linked to greater happiness.

So reflecting on yourself increases happiness:

• If you are moderately happy (and want to be happier).
• If you reflect on meaningful events that help you set meaningful goals.

When reflecting on yourself decreases happiness

It’s interesting to note that self-reflection can decrease happiness for extremely happy people. Researchers speculate this might be because the studies that found this asked participants to reflect on trivial things. 

Another interesting finding is that self-reflection may make it hard to maintain happiness. For example, people who did an act of kindness felt it was more selfish after reflecting on it. Researchers compare this to finding a flaw in a beautiful painting after examining it closely. 

But many of these negative effects arise because we self-reflect the wrong way. We get stuck in the reflection stage without moving towards insights. Or worse, we fall into the trap of self-rumination (more on this later). 

So reflecting on yourself can decrease happiness:

• If you are already very happy (and your reflections make you fixate on trivial flaws).
• If you approach reflecting on yourself in the wrong way.

How to reflect on yourself to increase your happiness

So what’s the bottom line?

The benefits listed earlier make one thing clear. Self-reflection is an incredibly useful tool that we can and should leverage. But we need to strike a careful balance between two things:

1. Gaining an accurate understanding of ourselves. 
2. Maintaining a positive self-image. 

How do we do that? Let’s break it down into actionable steps. 

12 science-backed ways to reflect on yourself effectively

Follow these tips on how to reflect on yourself to achieve both personal growth and happiness. 

1. Choose meaningful topics

As mentioned above, reflecting on trivial matters can lead to negativity and depression. 

So start by choosing carefully what you want to reflect on. 

We all make mistakes on a daily basis. If we had to sit and analyze each one, we’d never get out of our chairs! Not every small blunder you make is worth analyzing. 

Ask questions like these to filter out the meaningful topics:

• Does it have a lasting impact on my life, or does it relate to a lasting area of my life?
• Is it something that happens often, in the same way, or in similar ways?
• Does it relate to one of my core values or beliefs?
• Does it cause me or someone else significant discomfort or pain?

If you’re especially hard on yourself, it might feel like every mistake is a big deal. Then try considering it from a third-person perspective:

• If this happened to someone you know (or even a total stranger), would you think it was a big deal? Would you recommend they spend hours thinking about it? 

2. Focus on problem-solving 

Scientists suggest there are two ways to reflect on yourself:

1. Problem-focused: reflecting on insights learned and how best to reach your goals. 
2. Self-focused: trying to understand, contain, or eliminate your negative emotions, thoughts, or reactions. 

As you might guess, the self-focused method leads to negative feelings and self-rumination. On the other hand, the problem-focused approach leads to inspiration and future progress. 

To get into the right mindset, consider why you want to reflect on yourself before you start. You probably have a specific reason: maybe you want to learn something, process a memory, or drop a bad habit. 

Articulating this reason helps focus your thoughts in the right direction. Write it down on paper and create a mind map as you reflect to make sure your thoughts all connect back to it. 

One important caveat: the approach was named “problem-focused,” but focus on solutions instead. This is an extra layer of protection to keep your thinking constructive and positive. 

Frame questions in this way too. So instead of “What difficulty am I facing right now?”, ask:

• “What would I like this situation to look like a month from now?”
• “What is one possible solution to this problem?”
• “What is one way I could start to move toward creating this solution?

3. Get feedback from others

Researchers point out a seeming paradox: 

The road to self-knowledge likely cannot be traveled alone but must be traveled with close others who can help shed light on our blind spots.

So as you reflect, ask for input from people close to you. Researchers found the best self-awareness comes from getting feedback from “loving critics.” These are people who have your best interests in mind and are willing to tell you the truth. 

Also, be on the lookout for indirect feedback. It is everywhere around you. A performance review from your boss. A passing comment from a friend. Or even a look from a stranger on the bus. These are all forms of feedback on you and your behavior. 

But don’t get too swept away by what others think of you. Nor should you jump to wild conclusions. Get a range of feedback, so you don’t overreact or overcorrect based on one person’s impressions.  

For more information, Thanks for the Feedback is an excellent book on understanding and accepting feedback. It completely changed my approach to personal growth and improving my relationships.

4. Make it a regular practice (with time limits)

Few things produce noticeable results after one day. 

If you want real benefits from reflecting on yourself, you’ll have to make it into a regular practice. Just like going to the gym or learning a new language. 

Psychotherapist Haley Neidich suggests incorporating self-reflection into a daily mindfulness practice. It can be journaling or even a sitting meditation where you allow your mind to explore.

But it’s best to set a time limit for these sessions.

Why?

It keeps you from getting carried away or sucked into a cycle of repetitive thoughts. 

It’s hard to realize that this is happening in the moment. But hearing a timer can snap you out of it. Resist the urge to keep going and move on to another activity.

5. Don’t overthink your feelings

Self-reflection is hardly a new concept. In fact, psychologist Wilhelm Wundt used it heavily in his research in the 19th century. He had a meticulous method to make participants describe their thoughts objectively and accurately. 

The main criticism of this technique was that the very process of self-reflection can change what you’re reflecting on. 

For example, when you try to describe your feelings, you have to stop and think about them. This interruption and attention can cause your feelings to shift. So your reflection will not be accurate anymore. 

To mitigate this effect, don’t spend too much time analyzing your thoughts and feelings. If you’re journaling, write down the first thing that comes to mind. If it doesn’t feel right, just keep writing and searching until you find the words that click. 

6. Watch out for dysfunctional attitudes 

When we reflect on ourselves, we have to be honest. We cannot ignore our weaknesses and delude ourselves into thinking that we are perfect. 

But focusing on the negative counteracts the benefits of self-reflection.

A study looked at the relationship between happiness, self-reflection, self-rumination, and self-insight. It found that self-insight is most related to happiness. Self-reflection can lead to self-insight (discovering new parts of yourself). However, dysfunctional attitudes seem to prevent this result. 

Dysfunctional attitudes are beliefs that lead to negative thoughts about yourself, others, and the future. They often lead to depression. 

They can be thoughts like:

• “If I fail at my work, then I am a failure as a person.”
• “People will think less of me if I make a mistake.”

This is part of the reason why some studies find self-reflection creates more anxiety. The more self-reflection you do, the easier it is for negative attitudes to creep in.

So keep an eye out for these negative thoughts and don’t let them take over your process. They can be easier to catch if you write your thoughts down. 

Discard them, and self-reflection leads to more self-insight, which leads to better well-being.

7. Ask “what” rather than “why” questions

How often do you ask yourself “why”?

Why do I feel so angry at my boss? Why can’t I get through my whole to-do list? Why is sandwich meat round when bread is square?

On the surface, “why” can seem like a logical question. But in fact, it makes us miserable. 

When we ask “why”, our brains point to an explanation that confirms our pre-existing beliefs. And usually, you make connections between things that are completely unrelated. 

For example, let’s say you’re a new manager and you feel a little insecure in your new role. One stressful day, you snap at an employee. You might conclude that you’re not cut out for management. But in reality, it was just a case of low blood sugar. 

The problem here isn’t just that we are wrong, it’s also that we are extremely confident that we are right. So it’s extremely hard to find the real answer. Meanwhile, we worsen our fears, shortcomings, and insecurities. 

So what should you ask instead?

Researchers found that the most self-aware people tend to ask “what”. These questions keep you objective, future-focused, and empowered to act on your insights. They also help you accept difficult truths and become a better person. 

Here are some examples:

• “Why do I feel so terrible?” → “What are the situations that make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?”
• “Why did my coworker say this about me?” → “What are the steps I need to take in the future to do a better job?”
• “Why is my business failing?” → “What do I need to do to move forward in a way that minimizes the impact on our customers and employees?”

8. Don’t place too much importance on your experience and power

Do you have a large amount of experience or power at work?

You might think this makes you especially good at self-awareness. But unfortunately, research shows this isn’t the case.

More experienced managers tend to be less accurate in assessing their leadership effectiveness compared to less experienced managers. Similarly, those with more power tend to overestimate their skills and abilities. 

This pattern was true for nearly all competencies tested, including:

• Emotional self-awareness.
• Empathy.
• Trustworthiness.

Your experience and power are great accomplishments. But it doesn’t mean much when it comes to knowing yourself. 

9. Journal to explore new topics

Journals are excellent tools to reflect on yourself.

The act of writing things down helps you slow down so you can analyze your thoughts.

Seeing words on the page also helps you recognize negative thoughts, or when you’re veering off track.

But specially made self-reflection journals also help you discover new parts of yourself. 

When we write or think freely, we often gravitate to the same questions or revisit stale problems. On the other hand, journals can provide us with a wide range of curated prompts to think about. 

Here are two that I personally love:

• Made out of Stars by Meera Lee Patel
• Practice You: A Journal by Elena Brower

Each page has a thought-provoking question and a beautiful design to inspire you. 

10. Follow-up with self-management 

How many times have you told yourself you will finally hit the gym, volunteer, or read more often?

We’re much better at thinking and planning than following through on those plans.

For example, you might realize you tend to talk too much in meetings. But you keep doing it again and again. You might believe you have too many important points to skip. Or you’re so used to your usual pattern that it feels uncomfortable to do things differently. 

But the whole point of reflecting on yourself is to move towards happiness and self-development. So if you discover key self-insight or get helpful feedback, follow through and self-manage. 

This is the conscious choice to resist a preference or habit. Instead, you choose more productive behavior. Self-management has four steps:

1. Be present. Pay attention to what is happening right now, not 15 minutes ago or your next meeting. In our example: “I’m focused on this conversation, really listening to everyone’s comments.”
2. Be self-aware. What are you seeing, hearing, feeling, doing, saying, and thinking? For example: “I notice I’m excited and eager to share my ideas. I also recognize many people in the room are trying to speak. I know I have a tendency to speak too often in meetings, which can stop others from participating.”
3. Identify a range of action choices. What do you want to do next? What are the possible consequences of each choice of action? What feedback have you gotten that might help you make a good choice? What are some alternative choices, even if they’re not what you usually do or want to do?  For example: “I could explain my ideas, ask a helpful question, invite others to share their ideas, or listen silently.”
4. Choose the most productive actions. What action will create the best outcome, even if it’s not the easiest action? For example: “I’m going to withhold my comments and instead listen to what others are saying. Even though I really want to share my ideas, I’ve been repeatedly told that I talk too much, and don’t give others a chance to contribute. If I listen now, I will finally be giving others that chance.”

11. Plan ahead

It can be tricky to turn self-reflection into tangible improvement in our lives. We’re creatures of habit, and bad habits can be hard to break. 

Our best safeguard against inaction is to plan ahead. 

First, identify where you want to self-manage. How do you typically operate, and where is your current approach not working as well as you’d like? 

Next, consider what’s driving your lack of self-management. Is it because you lack awareness at the moment, you want to look good, or you’re insecure? Understanding why we make our choices is crucial to changing them. 

Then come up with alternative choices in advance and your possible reactions to them. 

For example, if you talk too much in meetings, another option is to wait until someone else speaks before giving your opinion. Your reaction to this idea might be fear that someone else will make your point and you won’t get “credit” for it. Or that other people won’t have good ideas and thus a bad decision will be made. 

This will confirm why you struggle with self-management. It will also prepare you to work through these difficulties.

Finally, create a plan for concrete steps to take. For example, you can decide in advance how many times you will speak in a meeting and for how long. Or decide in which meetings you will only listen and not speak. 

Now all that’s left to do is practice and repeat the process. 

12. Avoid the trap of self-rumination 

Self-rumination feels a lot like self-reflection because you are in fact reflecting on yourself. But it doesn’t lead to any helpful insights or positive changes. Instead, it creates discomfort in the short term and lowers psychological well-being in the long term. 

Researchers define self-rumination as “a form of negative, chronic, and persistent self-focus that is motivated by perceived threats, losses, or injustices to the self and is associated with neuroticism and depression.”

In simpler terms, you’re self-ruminating if your thoughts:

1. Are constant or repetitive, without leading to any insight.
2. Relate to things that could hurt you, opportunities you’ve missed, or times you’ve been wronged.
3. Make you feel bad.

They are often about inconsequential mistakes or painful memories from long ago. For example:

• That embarrassing slip-up during a presentation three years ago.
• That joke that came out wrong during the first date that never panned out.
• That time when you fell in the middle of the dance performance and the audience laughed.

If you realize you’re self-ruminating, turn your attention to something in your surroundings. It could be the color of someone’s shirt, the noise in the background, or the feeling of the chair you’re sitting on. This will ground you back in reality and pull you out of your negative thoughts. Take a break if you need to, then use the 11 tips above to get back on track. 

If you struggle with self-rumination, consider practicing self-reflection with a licensed counselor who can guide you through it.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Now you know the benefits of self-reflection and 11 science-backed ways to reflect on yourself effectively. I hope this gives you the tools needed to make positive changes. Remember that everything in life is a continuous process. As you practice self-reflection, you’ll get better at it with each new self-discovery you make.

What do you think? Do you find happiness and self-awareness after you reflect on yourself? What’s your favorite tip from this article? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Silvia Adamyova Author

Born in Slovakia, raised in Canada. Online English teacher, editor, copywriter, and translator. You’ll find me holed up in a bookstore, typing in a cafe, or immersed in a philosophical debate.

The post 12 Tips to Effectively Reflect On Yourself (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

On the flip side, learning how to overcome self-sabotaging behavior can help you crush the barriers standing in between you and your dreams. And once you have learned how to avoid these behaviors, you start to realize how mastering your internal thoughts and behavior is the key to living a life that excites you.

If you’re ready to do the deep work of letting go of self-sabotaging behavior, then you’ve come to the right place. In this article, I will detail steps you can take to avoid self-sabotage and cultivate greater self-love and appreciation in its place.

Why do we self-sabotage?

If we all long to be happy and achieve our own personal definition of success, why do we get in our own way? It’s a fair question that often has a very personal answer.

There are many reasons we may self-sabotage, but one of the most common is that we actually fear success. A study in 2010 found that individuals who scored high on a scale measuring fear of success were far more likely to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.

Other research indicates that women, in particular, may self-sabotage secondary to low self-esteem and their assumed gender-biased roles in socialization.  

I find that I personally default to self-sabotaging behaviors to avoid my true feelings or when I’m afraid of change. It’s taken years of self-reflection and external help to understand this about myself, but learning what is at the root of my self-sabotaging behavior has actually been really freeing.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

The impact of the self-sabotage cycle

Self-sabotage has the potential to negatively influence many aspects of your life.

Research indicates that consistently engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors may make it difficult to maintain healthy and committed romantic relationships. Turns out the whole, “It’s not you, it’s me” saying is spot on after all.

And if you aren’t concerned about love, then it’s important to note that individuals who self-sabotage are less likely to succeed in academic environments, which can influence their overall career path and future life choices.

I don’t know about you, but I like the thought of having healthy relationships and being able to thrive academically. So it seems to me that it’s in our best interest to take a good hard look at our own behavior and stop self-sabotage in its tracks.

7 ways to stop self-sabotage

If you’re really ready to get out of your own way and put an end to self-sabotage, then these 7 steps are sure to get you there.

1. Identify the self-sabotaging behavior

It may sound silly, but in order to keep yourself from self-sabotaging you have to realize how you’re doing it in the first place.

I used to have a not-so-helpful habit of devouring half of my kitchen the second I got home from work. I always just thought I was really hungry after a hard day of honest work.

In reality, I realized that I was using food as a quick fix to get a dopamine hit instead of dealing with my stress in relation to work. I wanted the quick “feel good” emotion that food brings me. I didn’t even realize this until my life coach pointed it out.

Had I never realized that this was self-sabotaging behavior, I may have never been able to find healthier ways to cope with my stress and I would still be confused as to why I could never lose that last 5-10 pounds to achieve my “summer bod” goals.

Take the time to look at what is standing between you and your goals. More likely than not, this will reveal a less-than-helpful behavior that is a form of self-sabotage. Once the behavior is identified, you can begin to take steps to avoid it.

2. Find healthy behaviors to replace the self-sabotage

Once you know how you are self-sabotaging yourself, you have to find a healthier replacement behavior or mental cue that reminds you to not do the self-sabotaging action.

Let’s go back to my example of slamming down food the second I got home from work. Once I knew I was self-sabotaging my mental health and my health goals, I was able to figure out a few replacement options to deal with work-related stress.

Now when I get home, I do one of two things. One thing I do is I immediately exercise to get a healthier dopamine hit and process my feelings from the workday.

The other option I’ve come up with is calling my mom or husband on the way home from work to process the workday with the intention of discussing at least 3 good things that happened that day to alleviate overall stress.

As it turns out, it’s not so hard to lose weight when you don’t use food as a way to deal with your stress. Big shout out to my life coach for helping direct me to the right path on this one. My abs thank her, too!

3. Change your internal dialogue

Another critical way to stop self-sabotaging is to check on the conversations you have with yourself.

Are you constantly talking about your fear of success or failure in your own head? Or are you your own best cheerleader?

I remember I was up for a potential promotion at work and I kept telling myself I wasn’t worthy of the promotion. And guess what? They opened the floor for negotiation and because I had been talking myself down, I ended up missing out on an opportunity for a substantial pay raise.

I tend to learn lessons the hard way. But now when it comes to work or any other aspect of my life, I make it a point to hype myself up and focus on the best possible outcome.

Your thoughts are powerful. You may as well harness that power for your own good instead of your own detriment.

4. Identify what you’re really afraid of

Sometimes when we self-sabotage it’s because we fear success and what that would mean for our lives.

Another piece to the story of me not getting a deserved promotion was that I was afraid that if I got paid more than my colleagues they would resent me. I also was afraid that if I really did get the promotion, I might let my bosses down in a way that made them realize I wasn’t worth that pay grade.

This fear contributed to my negative self-talk and not getting the promotion. If I had taken the time to look at what I was really afraid of and address it objectively, the outcome could have been much different.

I am often able to figure this out on my own if I spend some time journaling about the situation and dumping all my thoughts onto paper, so I can see patterns and be brutally honest with myself.

5. Rethink your goals

Sometimes when we’re self-sabotaging it’s because the goal we’re working towards doesn’t actually mean anything to us.

I had a goal to do yoga 3 to 5 times a week to improve my flexibility, but every time it came time to leave for yoga class, I found an excuse for why I couldn’t go. After months of spending money on a class membership that I wasn’t using, I finally got real with myself.

While I care about my flexibility, I’d rather just do a few targeted stretches instead of 30 minutes to an hour’s worth of stretching. I was trying to force myself to do something that I inherently didn’t care about, so self-sabotage was just a natural reaction in accordance with that.

By reframing my goal to stretching for just 10 minutes after my workouts, I was able to actually achieve a goal that meant something to me and avoid self-sabotaging behavior.

6. Embrace discomfort

Often, self-sabotage stems from an innate desire to remain in our comfort zones, even when it’s detrimental to our growth. Embracing discomfort is about consciously deciding to undertake tasks that challenge your current skill set and push your boundaries.

This means saying ‘yes’ to opportunities that scare you slightly but promise growth and learning. It’s about understanding that discomfort is a temporary but necessary step towards achieving your goals. Instead of shying away from challenges, take them head-on. Reflect on what you can learn from each situation, and remember that growth is often found in discomfort.

In practice, this could mean volunteering for a challenging project at work or trying out a new hobby that intimidates you. The key is to start small and gradually increase the level of challenge. By doing so, you’ll slowly build your tolerance for discomfort and reduce the urge to retreat to old self-sabotaging habits.

7. Cultivate mindful awareness

Mindful awareness is about being fully present and engaged with the current moment without judgment. It’s about noticing your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they arise and recognizing them as temporary and not an absolute reflection of reality.

By cultivating mindful awareness, you become more adept at noticing when you’re about to engage in self-sabotaging behavior and can choose a more constructive path.

Start by incorporating short mindfulness practices into your daily routine. This can be as simple as a five-minute breathing exercise where you focus solely on your breath. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. As you become more comfortable with this practice, you can extend the time or include other mindfulness techniques, such as body scans or mindful walking.

The goal is to strengthen your ability to stay present and decrease the automaticity of self-sabotage. With time and practice, you’ll be able to catch yourself before falling into the trap of self-sabotage and redirect your actions towards more positive outcomes.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

You don’t have to stand in your own way when it comes to finding happiness and success. You can step aside and ditch self-sabotaging behaviors by using the tips outlined in this article. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll realize that once you get out of your own way life becomes a whole lot easier and that maybe you were your own roadblock to success all along.

Do you often find yourself self-sabotaging? What’s your favorite way to combat self-sabotaging? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Ashley Kaiser Author

Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. Self-proclaimed dark chocolate addict and full-time adrenaline junkie. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too.

The post 7 Ways to Break the Cycle of Self Sabotage appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Integrity is all about living according to your values and principles, even if it’s hard. Integrity isn’t something you achieve, but rather, something you consciously choose every day. When you know your values, they will act like a compass pointing you in the right direction. Communicating assertively and striving to always be honest with yourself and others will also help you live your life with integrity. 

In this article, I’ll take a look at what integrity is and what it consists of, and more importantly, some ways to live with integrity. 

What is integrity, anyway?

Integrity is something we like to see in leaders, politicians, teachers, and health professionals, as well as in our loved ones and in ourselves. But ask people to define “integrity” and you’ll likely run into hesitant attempts at trying to find the right words. 

Before reading on, I recommend trying to define what “integrity” means for you. If you have someone nearby, try asking them, too.

My own understanding of the word has been sullied by the research I’ve done for this article – which I will present shortly – but for me, “integrity” is best described in Frank Sinatra’s My Way. 

If you’re not familiar with the song, I recommend giving it a listen. In short, the lyrics tell the story of a man at the end of his life, reflecting on how he faced all of life’s joys and hardships his way – in other words, with unwavering integrity: 

For what is a man, what has he got

If not himself, then he has naught

Not to say the things that he truly feels

And not the words of someone who kneels

The record shows I took all the blows

And did it my way

My Way – Frank Sinatra

Many definitions of integrity have to do with having a strong internal moral compass and behaving according to your values and principles. It’s closely connected to ethics and morality and is considered a foundational moral virtue. 

Honesty is also often mentioned, especially in dictionary definitions. 

It’s also interesting to note that in my native Estonian, there’s no direct translation of the word “integrity” (which isn’t to say that we’re unfamiliar with the concept), but the word is most often translated as ausameelne and põhimõttekindel, meaning “honest” and “principled”. 

Chances are that your own definition also used similar keywords. 

There’s another great take on integrity that is often falsely attributed to author C. S. Lewis: “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”

This is a paraphrase of the following quote from comedian and motivational speaker Charles Marshall: 

Integrity is doing the right thing when you don’t have to—when no one else is looking or will ever know—when there will be no congratulations or recognition for having done so.”

Charles Marshall

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Values and morals and principles, oh my

In a way, integrity can be thought of as a compass that points you in the right direction, your own magnetic north. In this metaphor, values, morals, and principles are the needle of the compass aligning you with your north, not the north itself. 

It’s important to make this distinction because sometimes, we can treat integrity and values like goals or destinations. For example, we might say that we want to act with integrity. If we value acceptance, we might say that we want to achieve acceptance. 

Goals are good to have, but values aren’t goals. Therapist and coach Dr. Russ Harris writes:

Values are not about what you want to get or achieve; they are about how you want to behave or act on an ongoing basis; how you want to treat yourself, others, the world around you.

Russ Harris

The same goes for morals and principles: they aren’t something you achieve, they’re something you act on. You can’t become a moral person by doing immoral things in the name of the greater good; you are a moral person if you consciously choose to be one. 

It should go without saying that everyone’s values, morals, and principles are different. Even if our general definition of integrity is the same, our integrity won’t look the same. 

For example, some people make a point of being independent and never relying on anyone else, while others will build a group or a network to consolidate forces and achieve more through cooperation. 

And we haven’t even tapped into the numerous political or religious differences that are often inseparable from our values and principles. 

How to live with integrity

It’s not always easy to act with integrity, but that’s not the point: integrity isn’t doing what’s easy, it’s doing what’s right. If you’re looking to build your own compass, look no further: here are 6 tips on how to live with integrity. 

1. Find your values

It’s much easier to stand for what’s right if you know what you stand for. Integrity often starts from figuring out and defining your values. 

There are many ways to go about this. For example, you can simply try to brainstorm and write down behaviors and characteristics that you value in yourself and others. 

If you need a cheat sheet, I recommend the values handout from Dr Russ Harris or this one from Therapist Aid. 

The most important thing is to take as much time as you need and be completely honest with yourself. Keep in mind that values in different domains of life can sometimes contradict each other: you may value independence in your personal life and cooperation at work or vice versa. You may also find that your values don’t entirely align with those of your loved ones or role models. Don’t be discouraged if these things happen: you’re working out your own values, not someone else’s. 

2. Make conscious decisions

A large part of living with integrity is acting with intent. This means making conscious decisions in your relationships, career, or life in general. 

When we’re unsure of what path to take, we tend to postpone making the decision until the decision is made for us. This can apply to small, inconsequential decisions like where to have dinner (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone back and forth between two spots until one of them closes and I’m only left with one option) or to bigger, more important things like relationships. 

Small choices are a good place to practice conscious decision-making. Take the time to weigh your options and make the best choice you can with the information you have. In retrospect, it might turn out to be the “wrong” choice, but we can’t see the future.

Living with integrity means making choices that are yours, no matter how “right” or “wrong”. 

3. Strive to be honest with yourself and others

We’ve all told a white lie every now and then, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, it’s a conscious decision to preserve a loved one’s peace of mind, or sometimes we’re just trying to save our own skin. 

However, honesty is an integral part of integrity. This can mean telling your friend what you really think about their new haircut, being truthful with your spouse about the cost of your new gadget (and having a long think about your relationship if that’s something you can’t be truthful about), or owning up to your mistakes. 

It’s completely okay to still tell a little white lie when you need to, as long as you understand why it was necessary. But consider being honest first: it’s often easier to excuse your late arrival by blaming the traffic, but consider if admitting that you slept in would really be the end of the world you think it is. 

Things happen, people make mistakes and you’re no exception. And there’s nothing wrong with being honest about that. 

4. Be assertive

Integrity can mean standing up for yourself and asserting your needs or opinions. When you’re used to being passive, being assertive can feel aggressive. Similarly, when you’re used to aggressive communication, assertiveness can feel like submitting. 

Assertiveness is all about expressing yourself clearly and effectively while remaining respectful and non-judgemental of other people. It’s communicating your needs without disregarding the needs of others. Assertive communication is always based on mutual respect. 

A common way to practice assertive communication is to use “I” statements. For instance, instead of saying “You’re wrong”, say “I disagree”. 

A longer form of an “I” statement incorporates your feelings and thoughts without judging the other person. For example, instead of “You’re always late!”, use “I’m upset when you’re late because I don’t know if you’re going to make it. In the future, can you let me know when you’re going to be late, so I don’t worry so much?”

Here’s an entire article dedicated to how to be more assertive in your life.

5. Embrace continuous learning with a growth mindset

Integrity isn’t just about adhering to your values; it’s also about being open to growth and new perspectives.

Embrace continuous learning as a way to deepen and sometimes challenge your understanding of what it means to live with integrity. This might involve seeking out new experiences, reading broadly, or engaging in meaningful conversations. By committing to lifelong learning, you’re acknowledging that integrity involves an evolving understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Set aside time each week to engage with new ideas. This could be through books, documentaries, workshops, or discussions with individuals who inspire you. Reflect on how these insights might shape or reaffirm your values. Keep a journal of your reflections and how they might influence your actions moving forward.

6. Build a social network of integrity

Integrity is often seen as a personal virtue, but it gains tremendous strength when supported by a community. Engage with groups and networks that reflect the values you hold dear. This can reinforce your personal commitment to living with integrity and provide you with examples and role models.

Additionally, being part of a community can offer support when making difficult decisions that reflect your values.

Identify groups, clubs, or online communities that align with your values and actively participate in them. Offer your skills and time to community services or groups that uphold the principles you believe in. Regularly engage in community discussions and activities to keep your understanding of integrity dynamic and informed by diverse perspectives.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Integrity isn’t easy, because it’s not about doing what’s easy, it’s all about doing what’s right. However, when you make the conscious decision to live with honesty and integrity, you may find life easier to navigate, because you have your own internal compass of values and principles to guide you. 

What do you think? Do you live with integrity, or do you find it difficult to have your actions aligned with what you believe in? I’d love to continue this post in the comments below!

Maili Tirel Author

School psychologist, teacher and internet counselor from Estonia. Passionate about coffee, reading, dancing, and singing in the shower, much to the neighbors’ dismay. Counseling catchphrase: “It’s okay!“

The post 6 Ways to Live a Life With Integrity (and Why it Matters) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

I’ve been in your shoes one too many times. Whether it’s a significant other or a close friend, letting go of people can be one of the most painful life experiences. However, when you fully let go of that person, you are gifting yourself the love and healing that you deserve. And letting go can open the door to new opportunities and healthy relationships that fill up your cup instead of always causing it to spill over.

If you’re ready-and I mean really ready- to find the freedom that lies on the other side when you let that person go, then this article is for you. We will cover tangible steps you can take today to finally let go.

Why letting go is tough

When I have to let someone go, there are typically one of two feelings that I am afraid of.

One of those feelings that I desperately want to avoid is immense grief and the other is concern that I may regret the decision down the line. In reality, neither of these emotions are a good reason to hold on to someone when you know it’s not good for either of you.

Logic tells you to let the person go, but science has even found that after letting someone go the areas of your brain associated with sadness have increased activity. And no one likes to feel sad. This makes it terribly challenging to actually disassociate with the relationship.

Another study found that anxiety, depression, and sleep disturbances all increase initially after letting go of a person you love.

It’s no wonder that despite logic telling us to make one decision, we avoid letting go to try to stave off the pain that comes with loss.

Why it’s important to sometimes let someone go

At this point in the article, you might be saying, “So why in the world would I want to let someone go?”

It’s appealing to avoid all the potential pain and negative emotions that can come right after a loss. But the long-term benefits definitely outweigh the initial blunt impact.

Research indicates that unhealthy relationships have the potential to reduce the effectiveness of your immune system. This means that your unhealthy relationship could literally decrease your lifespan and increase your risk of developing a disease.

Not only does your physical health improve after letting go, but you also lower your risk for depression. A study in 2009 found that problematic interpersonal relationships in the work environment significantly increased the odds that the person would develop depression.

I don’t know about you, but I like it when my immune system does its job well and I certainly don’t fancy depression. When I’m tempted to hold on to someone I shouldn’t, I have to remind myself against my own better judgment that I will be happier down the road after wading my way through the initial suffering of the loss.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

7 ways to let someone go

It’s time to grab your shears because we’re going to explore five ways you can cut ties with the relationships that no longer serve you and your potential.

1. Be clear about why you’re letting them go

Sometimes when we’re struggling to let someone go, it’s because we haven’t taken the time to clearly establish why we’re letting them go.

You can’t just give vague reasons like, “I know what my boyfriend and I have isn’t healthy.” You have to pinpoint exactly why it is that you need to let them go, so you have enough willpower to actually do it.

Towards the end of my 4-year relationship with a boyfriend, I absolutely knew that it was time to end things. But I tiptoed my way around breaking up for six months until my friend sat me down and forced me to say out loud all of the things that were not quite right with the relationship.

Saying it out loud and defining what was wrong made me finally take the plunge to end things. And after the heartbreak settled, I felt like a million-ton weight had been lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe again.

2. Distance yourself

This can be so stinking hard if you’re super close to the person.

And yes, this includes distancing yourself from them on social media. Because we all know that you won’t be able to resist the urge to creepily stalk your ex on Instagram for months on end if you don’t press that unfollow button.

If you don’t put physical and social distance between you and the person, you are bound to end up connecting again. And if you’ve made the decision that this person is not worth holding on to, you need to stick to your guns.

And it’s true what they say. Out of sight, out of mind. When you distance yourself, you make it easier to avoid falling back into old relationship habits and traps.

3. Let yourself feel your feelings

Of all the tips in this article, this is the one I personally struggle with the most.

I am the queen of distracting myself to avoid “feeling my feelings”. But when you let go of someone, you are in a sense experiencing a trauma.

And if you don’t allow yourself to feel the grief that accompanies trauma, you are bound to bottle it up deep down and this can affect your healthy relationships.

I remember one time after I cut ties with a good friend I tried to just stay busy and move on with my life. But because I never took the time to process my emotions, my close relationships started to notice I was distant when we would hang out.

Deep down, I was afraid that I would have to let go of them, too. And because I didn’t allow myself to process my emotions after the loss of that friend, it subconsciously affected how I viewed my other relationships.

So take the time to get all up in your “feelers”. I really mean it. And if that means drowning in a pint of ice cream and cuddling your dog for a month straight, I won’t judge you.

4. Dig deeper into your healthy relationships

After you let someone go, it can be easy to forget that you still have so many incredible interpersonal relationships in your life.

And now that you’ve freed up some energy, it’s a great time to dive deep into your healthy connections.

I’ve always found that after the loss of a relationship, I grow closer to my loved ones. My relationship with my mother didn’t truly blossom until I went through a nasty breakup.

Through her support during that rough time, I came to know her on a deeper level and learned how her past experiences shaped who she is today.

There are always going to be people in this world who want to engage in meaningful relationships with you. Don’t let the loss of one bad seed blind you to all the good that surrounds you.

5. Focus on self-care

After losing someone you care about, it’s important to take time to invest in taking care of yourself.

The energy and time you devote to that relationship can take a toll on your mental and physical well-being.

In order to give yourself the fresh start you deserve, you need to make sure your needs are met. The following are some of my tried-and-true forms of self-care that I rely on after the loss of a close relationship:

• Hot bubble bath with a glass of wine.
• Making sure I get 8 or more solid hours of sleep.
• Booking a vacation that I’ve been putting off.
• Making sure I get at least 20 minutes of sunlight daily.
• Watching cheesy movies to cheer myself up.
• Moving my body in whatever way feels good to me that day.

It really doesn’t matter what your self-care looks like. It’s just important that you put it into action after letting someone go so you can effectively heal and move on.

6. Reflect on past lessons

When trying to let go of someone, it’s helpful to reflect on the lessons learned from the relationship. Ask yourself what this relationship has taught you about your needs, boundaries, and values. Recognize the growth that has come from your experiences, both good and bad.

This doesn’t mean dwelling on the past but rather acknowledging it as a stepping stone to a better understanding of yourself and your future relationships.

Write down the key lessons you’ve learned from the relationship in a journal. Consider how these insights can guide you in future relationships and personal growth. Whenever you find yourself missing the person, refer to these lessons as reminders of why moving forward is beneficial for your well-being.

7. Reinvest in your interests

Letting go of someone often means you’ll have more time and energy to invest in yourself. Revisit old hobbies and interests that you might have neglected or explore new activities that you’ve always wanted to try. This not only helps to distract you from the pain of letting go but also builds your identity and happiness independent of the relationship.

Make a list of activities you love or have wanted to try, and commit to doing one each week.

Whether it’s painting, hiking, learning a new language, or cooking a new recipe, immersing yourself in these activities will boost your mood and self-esteem. Share your experiences with friends or family, or join a community or class to further enrich your engagement and form new connections.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

There is no easy way to let someone go. If I could wave a magic wand to make the pain go away, I would. But if you follow the steps in this article, you can cut ties in a way that allows you to experience new freedom and sustainable joy in life. And when you finally let that person go, you can hold on tight to the people and experiences in life that matter most.

What do you think? Have you ever had to let someone go and found it extremely difficult? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.

Ashley Kaiser Author

Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. Self-proclaimed dark chocolate addict and full-time adrenaline junkie. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too.

The post 7 Tips to Help You Let Go of Someone and Move Forward appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Pushovers are likely to suffer from stress and several mental health complaints. When we learn to advocate for ourselves, we demand respect. This respect helps us build our self-esteem and encourages us to interact assertively. Only when we climb out of the pushover barrel can we genuinely claim life as our own. 

This article will discuss what it means to be a pushover. We will also suggest 7 ways to stop being a pushover.

What makes someone a pushover?

A pushover is someone who is “easily persuaded or influenced or defeated.” 

In other words, a pushover is someone who is easily manipulated by others. And believe me, plenty of people out there will feast on the perceived weakness of a pushover.

There are many reasons we become a pushover.

Many pushovers are trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict. They may also believe others will like them more if they go along with things. But in truth, pushovers are often disrespected. 

Pushovers often suffer with:  

• Low self-esteem. 
• Learned helplessness. 
• Anxiety. 
• Depression. 
• Toxic or abusive relationships. 

If you are unsure if you are a pushover, here is a list of some tell-tale pushover signs: 

• You struggle to say “no.” 
• Others ask for favors from you regularly but rarely offer to help you. 
• You feel the need to prove yourself. 
• You apologize regularly and unnecessarily. 
• You avoid giving your honest opinion. 
• You often put yourself down. 

If you identify with some of these traits, you are likely already a pushover. But fear not; we can rectify that. Keep reading for tips on how to stop being a pushover. 

The negative consequences of being a pushover

There’s a bit of a chicken and egg thing going on. When we are a pushover, we are more susceptible to experiencing negative mental well-being.

But as discussed above, those of us with various mental vulnerabilities are more likely to be pushovers in the first place.

Being a pushover hurts our mental health, as it can lead to:

• Increased stress levels. 
• Depression. 
• Resentment. 
• Losing yourself. 
• Anxiety. 

All these ailments can affect our relationships and our ability to succeed in the workplace. 

Ironically people who are pushovers often want to please others and have an overpowering need for others to like them. Yet, the pushover often finds themselves forgotten, isolated, and lonely. 

An interesting scientific study describes how a neural network in the brain activates during disagreements with others. This activation can create a feeling of discomfort. The study, therefore, suggests that those who are pushovers have a greater sensitivity to this activation. 

Luckily neuroplasticity means the brain can change and adapt. This neuroplasticity means we can break the pushover cycle.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

7 ways to stop being a pushover  

Maybe you recognize you are already a pushover. Or perhaps you want to make sure you don’t become a pushover. If you follow these 7 tips, you will learn how to stop others from walking all over you. 

We must show ourselves respect if we expect others to do the same. After all, others observe how we treat ourselves and emulate our example. It’s time to stand up for yourself and demonstrate to others what sort of behavior you both accept and tolerate. 

1. Start saying “no”

One of the primary symptoms of being a pushover is the inability to say “no.” 

Pushovers find themselves agreeing to things they don’t want to do. They take on more work and regularly put themselves out for others. 

I was once a pushover, and I am in the process of rectifying this. My most challenging amendment is learning to say “no.”

When we say “no” to something we don’t want, it allows us to say “yes” to something we want. 

It’s time to try this out. Think of all the times you have gone along with something for fear of saying “no.” 

• You don’t have to go to the social event. 
• You don’t have to look after your friends’ children.
• You don’t have to stay at work late. 
• You don’t have to go to your parents for Christmas. 

It’s time to step out from the shadow of serving others. 

2. Learn to be assertive  

When we become more assertive in how we conduct ourselves and interact with others, we automatically demand more respect. 

Think of the person with a messy flatmate. A pushover may ignore the mess. The flatmate may even convince the pushover to clean it up. 

When we learn to be assertive, we can confidently look the flatmate in the eye and tell them their mess is not our problem. We can ask the messy flatmate to show us respect by keeping communal areas clean and tidy. 

A vital way to convey assertive behavior is through body language. 

• Stand tall, chest out and shoulders back. 
• Hold eye contact. 
• Move with purpose. 
• Use your hands to express yourself. 
• Relax your facial muscles

Another essential assertion tip is the way we use our voice. This article outlines the tricks actors use with their voices when stepping into an assertive character. 

• Higher pitched. 
• Loud.
• Clear. 
• Fast. 
• No hesitation. 
• No monotone. 

You got this. Stand up tall, and don’t forget the importance of eye contact. Speak loudly and clearly to give assertion to your words. 

If you need more tips, here’s our article on how to be more assertive.

3. Ask for what you want 

This tip is a difficult one. 

Not many of us are adept at asking for what we want. But when you ask for what you want and learn to put your needs first, you strip away the likelihood of being seen as a pushover. 

Build your self-confidence by asking for what you want. Grab hold of the steering wheel and control the direction of your journey.

Asking for what we want is a fundamental right. I would also suggest it is an essential need for our well-being. 

4. Express yourself  

Pushovers suppress their true feelings. They don’t speak up if someone wrongs them. They don’t defend themself when blamed for something. Pushovers allow others to continue hurting them when they don’t express their feelings. 

People are not telepathic. Unless we learn to express ourselves, we can’t expect them to know how we feel. 

It’s time to get comfortable with having difficult conversations. I recently expressed my hurt to a friend who only offered criticism regarding my creative work, never encouragement or positive comments. My expression of feelings led to an open and honest conversation and has brought us closer. 

5. Stop apologizing   

Pushovers apologize all the time. They apologize for other people’s behavior as well as their own. They apologize when there is no need for an apology. 

Do you apologize too much? Challenge yourself to be aware of how often you apologize in a day. Assess the circumstances in which you apologize. Does the situation merit an apology? 

Over-apologizing can even seep into our written word. 

If you are a pushover, I guarantee you have started an e-mail with “sorry to bother you….”

Here’s a tip: learn to say thank you instead of apologizing. This play with language is empowering and will also help stop you from being a pushover. 

• “Thank you for waiting for me” instead of “sorry I’m late.”
• “Thank you for taking the time to read this” instead of “sorry to bother you.” 
• “Thank you for the lift” instead of “sorry for sending you out of your way.”
• “Thank you for thinking of me, but I don’t have the capacity” instead of “sorry, I don’t have time.” 

I think you get the picture. In most situations, we apologize; we can say “thank you” instead.

6. Focus on assertive communication

Being assertive is key to not being a pushover, and it starts with how you communicate. Assertive communication is about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs directly, honestly, and respectfully.

It’s not about being aggressive or passive, but about being clear and standing up for yourself while still respecting others.

Start by practicing ‘I’ statements, such as “I feel” or “I need,” to express yourself without blaming or criticizing others. For instance, if someone is overloading you with tasks, instead of a passive “I guess I can do more,” assert “I am currently at capacity and need to prioritize my assigned tasks.”

Also, work on your non-verbal communication. Maintain eye contact, stand tall, and use a firm but friendly tone. These cues reinforce the message you’re sending and help you appear more confident.

By practicing assertive communication, you’ll find it becomes easier to navigate situations without succumbing to being a pushover.

7. Practice self-compassion

Often, being a pushover stems from a lack of self-worth or an excess of self-criticism. To counteract this, engage in self-compassion.

Start by recognizing your common humanity, understanding that everyone makes mistakes and that you’re not alone in your struggles.

Next, be mindful of your inner dialogue. Replace self-criticism with a more compassionate, understanding tone. Instead of thinking, “I’m so weak for not standing up for myself,” try, “I’m learning to be stronger and assertive, and it’s okay to take this one step at a time.”

Lastly, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend in moments of failure or disappointment. This shift in mindset can reduce the emotional need to please others and increase your resilience in maintaining your stance.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up 

We may think we are making ourselves more likable by being a pushover. But in reality, we are permitting others to disrespect us. Stop allowing this behavior to negatively impact your happiness and start learning to not be a pushover! You hold the power to change.

Do you sometimes feel a pushover? What’s the tip that inspires you most to change your behavior? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Ali Hall Author

Kindness is my superpower. Dogs and nature are my oxygen. Psychology with Sports science graduate. Scottish born and bred. I’ve worked and traveled all over the world. Find me running long distances on the hills and trails.

The post 7 Ways to Stop Being a Pushover (And Why This Matters) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

No matter how much time or energy you spend worrying over someone else’s suffering, it does nothing to reduce the pain they experience. All you’re doing is causing yourself to needlessly suffer along with them. So why does it feel impossible to stop even when you know worrying about others solves nothing? It turns out humans are wired to worry. However, this doesn’t mean we can’t control the extent and frequency of our worries. 

Although worrying is inherently human, we can still take steps to mitigate its negative impact on our lives. In this article, I’ll explore why some of us simply can’t help but worry about others, and strategies to help you manage this well-intentioned but ultimately self-harming tendency.

Why we naturally worry about others 

Everyone worries, but some people worry significantly more than others. Along with worrying about their own life, they can’t resist the tendency to worry about other people as well. It appears this natural inclination to worry might just be human nature. 

It’s possible that humans have a predisposition to worry as a species due to a mismatch in our environment. Our brains are designed for an environment in which our actions result in immediate outcomes. Now that we live in an environment where our actions do not produce instant results, our brains can’t help but worry about uncertainty. 

Conversely, a study found that people worry for two possible reasons. The first is because they believe that worrying can prevent negative events from happening and minimize its harmful effects if it does happen. The second reason is the belief that worrying offers greater control and the ability to find a solution. 

Humans are social beings by nature. It only makes sense that we naturally extend our tendency to worry to encompass others. However, our ability to deeply connect with other humans emotionally and share their painful emotions could result in harmful consequences for our health. 

Why worrying about other people’s problems is futile

The most frustrating thing about worrying is that it solves nothing. Most of us understand this, and yet, we continue to worry about others in spite of its harmful effects on our health.

Research shows that worrying is associated with several mental health disorders and is detrimental to your physical health.  

Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe. 

Keith Caserta

A recent study on the mental health of Swiss undergraduate students during the pandemic found that those who worry more about the health of their family and friends are more likely to experience depression and higher stress levels.

Worrying about the health of their loved ones resulted in adverse effects on the students’ mental health. Moreover, worrying about the health of their family and friends in the midst of a pandemic beyond their control will not protect them from the disease.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

How to stop worrying about others 

Most of us know that worrying about other people does nothing to solve their problems or alleviate their pain, but we just can’t help it. The good news is that while worry is not completely avoidable, you can reduce its negative effects on your well-being using a few strategies.

1. Give the worrisome thoughts space to breathe 

I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t worrying the exact opposite of what we want to do? The reality is that sometimes, worrying is an inevitable part of caring. Life is full of ups and downs. As much as we wish we could, we can’t protect the people we love from every devastating event in their lives. 

You can’t stop the rain by worrying about it.

Tadahiko Nagao

For example, if you find out your child is being bullied at school or your friend is going through a difficult divorce, it’s simply unrealistic to expect yourself to not worry about them. Instead of suppressing the worry, give it the space it needs to breathe. It’s typically better to feel the negative emotion as soon as it arises rather than to dismiss it. This only causes the emotion to fester and resurface later on. 

Sit with the worry for a few minutes, refrain from judgment, and allow it to run its course unobstructed. Simply listen to what it’s trying to tell you. If you’re lucky, the worry might dissipate afterward. If it continues to unwantedly take up mental space, it’s time to try another strategy. 

2. Imagine yourself talking to your worry

This might sound strange but try to imagine yourself having a conversation with your worrisome thoughts. After listening to what the emotion has to say, picture yourself reasoning with it.

Speak to your worry the way you would speak to a friend having a panic attack. Calm it down, and ground the emotion back to reality. Some things you can try saying to your worry when it spirals are: 

• “Worrying about them will not ease their suffering in any way.” 
• “I cannot protect that person from every bad thing in life, and it is not my responsibility to do so.” 
• “I trust that person to be strong and capable enough to overcome their own problems.” 
• “The best I can do is support them in any way I can, but worrying about them will solve nothing.”
• “It is okay to be concerned about them, but I am only causing myself harm by treating their problems as if they are my own.” 

3. Set boundaries 

Setting boundaries is an essential skill to learn in life, but particularly if you are an empath or a highly sensitive person. Those who instinctively absorb the emotions of others might find it more difficult to not worry about the problems of other people. If this is the case, it’s important to learn how to set boundaries for yourself and your mental health. 

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.

Brené Brown

It’s perfectly okay to admit to others when you lack the emotional or mental capacity to listen to them vent about their problems. There is nothing selfish about setting boundaries. It doesn’t make you any less loving or supportive. However, it can help you to stop worrying about others when you’re already worrying about your own issues.

Setting your own boundaries might even encourage the other person to do the same. 

4. Journal

One of the best ways to release the burden of worrying about others is to simply write it down. The benefits of journaling are endless, but in the case of unrelenting worries, it can be especially therapeutic. Writing it down might help alleviate your concerns about others and their struggles.

Sometimes, your worries just need a place to go. 

Journaling also helps distinguish your worries about others from your own. Since the practice of expressing your thoughts and emotions through writing often improves self-awareness, there’s a good chance it’ll help you realize the futility of worrying about someone else’s problems.  

Here are a few possible journal prompts to explore when you want to stop worrying about others: 

• Why am I overly concerned about this person and their issues? 
• Is their pain triggering a similar hurt that I currently feel or have experienced in the past and requires healing? 
• Do I believe this person is capable of handling their own problems? 
• What else can I do for this person instead of suffering along with them by worrying? 
• Do I have the mental and emotional capacity to continue providing emotional support to this person? 

5. Have a conversation with the person you’re worried about 

Talking to the person you’re deeply concerned about is probably the root cause of your worries in the first place, but it could potentially be the solution as well. In some instances, we worry about others because we’re not sure if they have the ability to cope with whatever adversity they face. In that case, a simple conversation with them might ease your worries. 

At times, all we need is reassurance that the person we’re worried about will be okay. Checking up on them and discussing the steps they’re taking to solve their own problems might put your worries to rest once and for all. Of course, this strategy only works if the person you’re worried about is handling things better than you thought. 

In the event that the person is not coping well emotionally or mentally, it might be time to ask them to consider seeking professional help. This can ensure they receive the proper support and relieve you from your worries as well.

6. Practice mindful acceptance

Mindful acceptance is a powerful tool to address worries about others. The first step involves acknowledging that you are worried and understanding that it’s a natural response to caring deeply about someone.

Recognize that while your worry stems from a place of love and concern, it may not be constructive or helpful.

The second step is to practice mindfulness. Focus on the present moment and accept your feelings without judgment. This practice doesn’t mean you agree with or like the situation, but it allows you to see it for what it is.

Mindfulness techniques, like deep breathing or meditation, can help you stay grounded and prevent your worries from escalating. By accepting your worries and practicing mindfulness, you can maintain a clearer perspective and avoid being overwhelmed by your concerns.

7. Positively distract yourself

Sometimes, the best way to manage worry is to engage in activities that distract you positively. The first step is to identify the things that make you happy. These could be hobbies, physical activities, or even simple tasks like gardening or cooking. The key is to choose something that requires enough attention to keep your mind engaged.

Next, commit to these activities regularly, especially when you find your worries escalating. By focusing your energy on something positive and productive, you can break the cycle of worrying. This doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the problem; rather, you’re giving yourself a break from constant worry.

Over time, this practice can help you develop a more balanced perspective and reduce the intensity of your worries about others.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Worrying about others demonstrates your amazing ability to care and connect emotionally. However, the negative effect of worrying means that this capacity to absorb their worries as your own is destructive to your health. It might be difficult to manage your worries at first, but it can be done. Humans might be wired to worry, but you must not allow your worries to consume you.

Do you want to share your own positive change that you applied in your life? Did I miss an awesome tip that you used to be happier in an instance? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

Andrea Araya Author

Writer and recovering perfectionist from Canada. A huge fan of stories, empathy, and matcha lattes. May or may not have a tendency to cry at everything especially acts of kindness.

The post 7 Ways to Stop Worrying About Other People’s Problems appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Being bold doesn’t mean smashing pens at your colleagues whenever they disagree with you and throwing a tantrum. Instead, you want to be respectful and assertive when you’re bold. Depending on your personality, this can be challenging. But the benefits of being bold far outweigh the potential negative outcomes.

If standing up for yourself and being bold sounds like a nightmare to you, you’re in the right place. This article shows you why it’s important to be bold in your life, with actionable tips to help you get started.

What it means to be bold

Being bold can be hard. Especially if you’re a person that values peace and tries to avoid conflict at all times.

Why is it important to be bold? This quote sums up it rather nicely.

If you don’t have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything.

Winston Churchill

Being bold means “not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff”. This often translates to standing up for what you believe in, despite potentially stepping on someone’s toe.

For example, imagine you’re in a meeting at work and everybody around you agrees on something that you don’t believe in. If you’re bold, you’d stand up for your opinion and make your case.

• Even if it means that you want to prove your colleagues wrong.
• Even if it means the meeting will take twice as long.
• And even if your manager will want to speak with you afterward.

In other words, being bold means speaking up or acting up, without dwelling on the potential negative consequences of your actions.

What being bold does not mean

Being bold might be considered a good thing, but if you go too far, you’ll not only be bold but you may also be mean, disrespectful, and careless.

These are things that you should be wary of. Instead, you should try to be bold in a positive way:

• By being assertive in your communication, but not hurtful.
• By always respecting the opinion of someone else.
• By not letting your emotions get the upper hand, and following rationality instead.

How do you know if you’ve been too bold? You can often get a pretty good idea from the people you’re with.

When people give you positive feedback and they continue to ask for your opinion, you’ve probably done a good job.

If, on the other hand, you’re not invited to meetings anymore, chances are you’ve gone over the line.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Why it’s important to be bold sometimes

As discussed, deciding to be bold may result in some negative outcomes. When you say no, go against the grain, or challenge the norm based on what you truly believe in, you may face rejection or retaliation.

However, when you’re in the right and you eventually find the courage to speak up, it can be very rewarding. It may help you:

• Get others to respect you more
• Give a voice to the oppressed.
• Get out of an unjust situation.
• Make a real difference in your community.
• Get what you truly deserve.
• Bring people together.

Some of these benefits are even backed up by studies.

Being bold can increase your confidence

It often seems like confidence and boldness go hand in hand. After all, how can you be bold if you’re not confident and don’t believe in yourself?

But does confidence lead to boldness, or is it the other way around? A 2017 study found a significant positive correlation between assertive behavior and self-esteem in adolescents. Although it’s unclear which came first, high self-esteem or assertive behavior, the link between them is undeniable.

Being bold can give a voice to the oppressed

It takes only one bold person to inspire a group of people to stand up.

The best example of this that I know of is the #MeToo movement. This movement sparked a revolution among women who have experienced different forms of sexual harassment and hadn’t found the courage to speak up until then.

If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet. pic.twitter.com/k2oeCiUf9n

— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) October 15, 2017

This study extracted Twitter posts using the hashtag #MeToo and found that, aside from telling their harassment stories, these victims also expressed how these experiences affected them. This led to more and more people forming opinions, discussing their views, and engaging in social activism.

This is a beautiful example of how it may only take one bold person to cause a change in the world. By being bold, you’ll be more likely to actually change the world for the better.

8 ways to be bolder in life

By now, it should be clear that being bold comes with a lot of benefits (and some potential pitfalls).

But how can you actually become bolder in life, especially when this doesn’t seem to be part of who you are? Here are 8 ways to be bold in life, regardless of your personality type.

1. Find your values in life

It’s much easier to be bold if you know what you stand for. Being bold and speaking up often starts from figuring out and defining your values. 

There are many ways to go about this. For example, you can simply try to brainstorm and write down behaviors and characteristics that you value in yourself and others. But on a more specific level, you can also write down your goals for a project at work. If you know what you’re goals and values are, it’ll be easier to stand up for yourself whenever it’s needed. 

The most important thing to know is to take as much time as you need and be completely honest with yourself. Keep in mind that values in different domains of life can sometimes contradict each other: you may value independence in your personal life and cooperation at work or vice versa.

You may also find that your values don’t entirely align with those of your colleagues or role models. Don’t be discouraged if these things happen: you’re working out your own values, not someone else’s. 

2. Keep yourself informed

While being bold and assertive is something positive, you don’t want to be known as a bold, uninformed and naive person. If that happens, being bold suddenly loses its appeal, right?

If you stand up for yourself and be bold, it’s important to be informed about whatever you’re doing. If you’re in a meeting and make a case about something that goes against your colleagues, you better make sure you can handle a bit of resistance.

The more informed you are, the more confident you can be in taking a side or making a stand. You are also less susceptible to disrespect, hostility, and rejection if you have all the facts straightened out.

It’s important to not just look for information that supports your opinion. It’s arguably even more important to explore the counter-arguments. Why would someone disagree with what you believe in? When you’re properly informed about all the angles, you’ll be better able to stand up for yourself without being silenced by the opposition.

This also helps you mitigate most of the risks that come with being bold. If you’re trying to be bold without being informed, you may come across as reckless.

3. Say no

So far, we’ve talked about knowing your values and keeping yourself informed. These things are important pieces of the puzzle, but they don’t actually make you bold.

Here’s something that does help you be bolder in life: say no more often.

You must realize that “No” is a complete sentence.

If someone asks you something that you’re not obliged to do and don’t want to do, you can simply say “No” and leave it at that. You don’t always have to justify why you can’t make it to a party, or why you can’t work overtime on the weekends.

By becoming more comfortable with saying “No”, you’ll find it easier to be more true to yourself. In James Altucher’s book The Power of No, he asserts that saying “No” more often is really saying “Yes” to your own life. A life that’s more meaningful for you. Whereas too much ‘yes’ can leave us drained emotionally and physically from overcommitment to others.

If you want more tips on how to say no more often, you may like our article on how to stop being a people-pleaser.

4. Learn to resolve conflicts instead of avoiding them

People may be angry or disappointed in you when you say no, especially if they’re used to you saying yes. Emotions, even negative ones, are a natural part of human relationships. A good relationship isn’t necessarily one without conflict, but rather one where conflicts are resolved.

It isn’t your job and responsibility to keep others happy.

If someone is angry at you or has hurt and insulted you, address the issue. State the issue and your feelings about it and let the other person have their say. Use “I” statements and avoid making assumptions about how the other person might feel.

For example: “I didn’t like how you made the decision without discussing it with me first.” or “I can see that you are angry with me. You were counting on me to come along with your plan and I didn’t.”

This is a great way to not only be bold, but also assertive and respectful towards others.

5. Tell the truth

An important step in living a bold life is, unsurprisingly, telling the truth.

• If you don’t find something funny, then don’t laugh.
• If you don’t agree with what someone says, then don’t.

This John Lennon quote sums it up really nicely:

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.

John Lennon

By not being genuine, you begin a chain reaction of dishonest approval of what you dislike, encouraging more of it in the future. In this way, you can help to create an atmosphere in your life that you don’t actually like. It’s like going along with a shade of blue for the living room that you’re not actually that keen on.

This closely aligns with our article on living a life true to yourself, which contains more tips like this one!

6. Embrace the discomfort

If you’ve never stood up for yourself or said no, expressing your true opinions can be scary. However, in order to grow and learn, you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone.

For example, when somebody asks you to do something and you answer “No”, it can feel incredibly uncomfortable to just leave it at that.

While it may be in your nature to want to explain yourself, you’ll want to resist this urge. Don’t go on a tirade about how tired and busy you are, even if it’s true. Instead, politely say no, and leave it at that. When pressed for an explanation, just say that you cannot do that right now.

Here are some useful phrases to remember for the next time you want to say no:

• I cannot do that right now.
• Thank you for thinking of me, but I will have to pass on that (for now).
• I don’t think I’m the best person to help you with that.
• I cannot help you right now, but I’d be happy to help next week/month/etc.

Use that last one sparingly and only for those projects that you’d genuinely like to be a part of, but can’t right now because you’ve got too much on your plate already.

7. Cultivate a growth mindset

Embracing a growth mindset is pivotal in becoming bolder. People with a growth mindset believe their abilities and intelligence can be developed over time, which encourages risk-taking and resilience.

Start by acknowledging your potential for growth and change. Recognize that every challenge is an opportunity to learn and improve.

Regularly set small, achievable goals that challenge your current abilities. Celebrate the learning process, not just the outcome. When facing setbacks, analyze what went wrong and how you can improve, instead of getting discouraged. This approach fosters a sense of boldness as you become more comfortable with uncertainty and change.

8. Build a supportive network

Surrounding yourself with supportive people can significantly boost your boldness. The people you surround yourself with provide encouragement, offer different perspectives, and can be sounding boards for your ideas. They push you to go beyond your comfort zone and help you bounce back when things don’t go as planned.

Actively seek relationships with people who inspire and motivate you. Attend networking events, join clubs or groups aligned with your interests, and participate in community activities.

Don’t forget to be a supportive figure for others as well – offering support can be just as empowering as receiving it. This mutual exchange of encouragement and ideas cultivates an environment where boldness thrives.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

I hope by now you have a better idea of how to be bold in life, even when it’s not in your personality. Being bold may not make you the most friendly person in the office, but it can help you get the respect you deserve.

What do you think? Are you a bold person by nature, or are you finding it hard to express your opinion over someone else’s? Do you have a tip to add to this article? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post 8 Ways to be Bold and Confident (and Why it’s Important!) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

According to our study of mental health struggles, only 26% of people dealing with mental struggles feel comfortable talking about it with their partner. In other words, 3 out of 4 people struggling with an issue of mental health are not comfortable discussing it with their partner.

Even though your partner may not be showing signs of mental health issues, there’s still a strong chance that they will benefit from a therapy session.

Would you consider gifting your partner a therapy session for Christmas this year?

About this data: We surveyed 5,521 people and found that almost 90% of people struggle with mental health issues. These results led us to start publishing interviews with people struggling with issues of mental health. This year, we published over 100 interviews and are sharing all the data behind these interviews here on Tracking Happiness.

Therapy is most helpful for anxiety and depression

At the point of writing, I’ve interviewed 108 people, of which 57 were helped by therapy (53%).

No other treatment comes close in its effectiveness as therapy does. Therapy is what helps most people overcome their mental struggles. In addition to therapy, here are other ways people are finding help in overcoming their struggles:

• Therapy (helped 57 of 108 people)
• Self-improvement (helped 47 of 108 people)
• Support from friends, partners, family, etc (helped 38 out of 108 people)
• Self-Care (helped 31 of 108 people)
• Reinventing yourself (helped 27 of 108 people)
• Medication (helped 25 out of 108 people)

Therapy is the most effective treatment for mental health struggles, based on 108 interviews.

What I’ve learned from these 108 interviews is interesting: Therapy is especially effective for people struggling with specific mental struggles.

For example, therapy is especially effective at helping people overcome depression.

Out of the 108 people I’ve interviewed so far, exactly half of them struggled with depression. 33 of these people shared how they were helped by therapy.

Mark was the 9th person I interviewed, and belongs to this group:

“I was embarrassed by my feelings and didn’t want anyone to know how much pain I was in, so I often put on a brave face. Even on my worst days, I tried to make it look like everything was okay when I felt anything but deep down.”

When I asked him for his best piece of advice, he answered:

“I advise someone struggling to reach out for help and support. It can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. There are people around you who care about your well-being and want to help. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or professional therapist, it is important to talk to someone and share your struggles.”

Out of the 108 people I’ve interviewed, therapy turned out to be of even more help to those who struggled with anxiety.

Sharanya was the 103rd person I interviewed. Therapy helped her overcome anxiety even though her first 3 shots at therapy weren’t successful:

“I had tried therapy once, way back in early 2019, but didn’t find it helpful. I tried it again in 2020 and early 2021 but did not find it very helpful. I felt like I was summarizing what was happening in my life to someone, that’s it.”

She eventually found a therapist that helped her overcome her anxiety:

“I’ve been in therapy for almost 2 years now, with weekly therapy sessions and daily medication. I can now confidently say that I have the ability to tackle whatever life throws at me and hope that I don’t experience a drawn-out phase of struggle like before.”

What about online therapy?

Interestingly enough, none of the people I’ve interviewed have been helped by online therapy.

Lots of online therapy platforms do their best to convince others that online therapy is just as helpful as in-person therapy. With lower costs, no commute and flexible scheduling, there are plenty of benefits to this type of therapy.

Interestingly, none of the people I’ve interviewed have been helped by online therapy. All the 57 interviewed people who were helped by therapy were helped by actual in-person therapy.

The gift of therapy

If you’re looking for the perfect Christmas gift this year, maybe this will convince you that therapy might be the best gift.

Now, I understand that giving someone a certificate for 1 free hour of therapy might come across as an insult.

How would your partner react if you gave them the certificate and said: “Here, babe, Merry Christmas”? I bet you would at least get some raised eyebrows.

But why is that, really?

It’s because there still is a big stigma on therapy as if it’s something to be ashamed of. This is obviously directly correlated to the existing mental health stigma. As for that, my goal with these interviews is to help destigmatize both these issues by sharing as many stories as possible.

Like this article? Let me know in the comments below!

Want more like this? Keep an eye on the blog as I’m publishing more articles like these!

Want to help destigmatize mental health issues with your story? I would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Is Therapy The Best Christmas Gift For Your Partner This Year? appeared first on Tracking Happiness.