I am with a man for 14 years and there is too much in my situation to simplify it other than I feel undervalued by him. I am a communicator he is not. I am a behavioral therapist who analyzes individuals with autism and developmental disabilities so feel I have a grasp on self awareness! He is someone who has been a friend for many years prior to it being romantic and he has not been faithful however when I stuck around the message sent was you can treat me anyway you want and I will always be there!!! I am a fool with all of my education and experience I still am a stupid puppy !!!

42 yr old son says even bringing me water is a sacrifice. I’m 69 yrs old with a behavioral disability what I do?

In my situation, a friend of over 40 years, lost her husband suddenly due to a heart attack. Of course I was there for her.
There is a lot to sort out and do when someone dies, unfortunately I’ve had to do that sorting many times in the last couple years. I helped set up the funeral, handle attorneys, got her set up with professional help for grief. Then jumped into the big hurdle.
She and her husband had already purchased a home in Tennessee and were preparing the house here to be sold. Myself, and several other people finished projects that her husband had already started on the house, then finished the remodel so she could sell that house and move. I did suggest that she hand write some thank you cards to a few of her husband’s friends who went above and beyond what projects they had already begun, some didn’t even charge her for their work or gave a significant discount. That didn’t happen. My husband and I did get a very generic card that was printed to say, “thanks for being a good friend” then she wrote a quick note that essentially thanked my husband for his help on a couple projects.
Fast forward –
For 5 1/2 months I spent probably 80% of my time, a ton of gas for travel along with giving all the and emotional work, that I possibly could, for her and her house. I rationalized this because “I am the only one she has physically here for her.”
A couple times she’d talk to someone and say that I was her “right hip” and her husband probably wouldn’t even have had a funeral if it weren’t for me.
The house got finished, went on the market and sold quickly. She closed on her house, then stayed here, in our camper, which is in our yard with no plumbing hooked up (she was invited repeatedly to stay in the house).
The day she was leaving I had to take my stepdad to an appointment and would have been back way prior to her estimated time she would be leaving. Stepdad and I got breakfast quick after his appointment, I asked if she wanted anything. About 10-15 minutes later I get a text that she’s getting on the road.
– My trigger, I gave up my obligations and neglected other people, my dogs and over asked on favors from my neighbors. I also neglected a lot of my own self care to be there for her in every way I could.
She couldn’t wait until I got home (15 minutes after she left) to say thanks and goodbye.
– Putting myself in her shoes. She’s been through a lot and just said goodbye to the house she lived in for over 20 years with her husband, and she probably didn’t want to deal with the emotional “see ya later” with me.
I had been through a lot too, and feel that it was disrespectful – to say the least – for her to leave that way.
– Communication. I called her and told her how I felt. I was essentially brushed off with, “I’ll see you soon anyway.”
I think that she expected me to just be there, she took it for granted and felt entitled to mine and everyone else’s help. When you feel entitled – you don’t necessarily see the need to show gratefulness.

After all of that, less than 2 months after moving, she settled in the house, got a job, started a business and is doing activities with her family.
I am trying to get rid of my hurt and anger. I am going through a grieving process that is different than any other I’ve dealt with.

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts!