Comments on: 5 Tips to Help You Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Emotionally

By: D

Tue, 25 Jul 2023 16:38:48 +0000

In reply to Resh.

Im not sure and dont want to cause more grief but honestly it seems that your welm intentioned husband crossed a boundary without asking you prior to inviting his sister.

Perhaps that was all that needs to be rectified. Did you ket her husband know how hurt you were? And if yes does your husband acknowledge what he did was not supportive to your marriage. …
Hope you reconcile your family issues but please try and not blame people

By: Resh

Resh — Tue, 02 May 2023 09:31:21 +0000

I had my first and only child almost 3 years ago now. Back then, I was beyond excited to meet my son and live in our home and watch my husband and I grow into our roles as mommy and daddy.
When we were still in the hospital, my husband let me know (never even considered asking about my own feelings on the matter) that his sister which I did not know at all would be moving in to help with the baby. As we were released from the hospital, she moved in literally the next day. As I write this 3 years later, I feel the lingering hurt, anger and bitterness I still harbor for the both of them. I am a young mom I had him at 23 during the beginning of Covid so I missed out on a lot of baby bump pictures. I know my husbands intentions meant well. He was only trying to help make it easier thinking extra hands would be good for us. I felt as if he thought I was inadequate, actually stripped me of building a secure bond with my son. I often feared my baby not being able to know the difference from his mom to his aunt. Doctors always say skin to skin is important for a baby to learn their mothers scent and even heart rhythm. Sometimes I would walk in and see her also laying skin to skin with my son. This situation was very traumatic for me. His sister lived with us for about the first 5 to 6 months of my child’s life until she found her own place to stay.
I feel it’s necessary to add that they are not from America. And their culture does things a little different. When a baby is born, all the aunties and grandmas gather to help support the mother. They believe it takes a village to raise a baby. His sister was always kind and was very loving but lacked the since of giving others privacy. They would often take the baby from me to give me time to “rest.” Once again without asking if I needed rest.(I say they because his mother ALSO moved in for 3 months.) During my whole pregnancy that’s what I was excited for-the long nights with my son. Everything I prepared and hoped it would be like was out the window.

Fast forward to now. I am on my journey to forgiveness- the journey has lasted all of 3 years now LOL. We had to set boundaries and she finally respected my need of privacy but we’re still estranged to one another. She has made many attempts to reconcile and has tried and I notice her efforts. I too have tried but I’m triggered by even the smallest of things even things not directed towards me. It’s as if the security gates to my heart slam shut squashing any respect that was built. Bitterness takes over.
It is a lot to carry this pain in my heart and I can’t imagine the hurt I have caused her by ignoring her, avoiding her and sometimes even withholding my son from spending time with her. I am ready to forgive but find it tasking to let go of the weight of anger and fear that the old me felt. She will be moving to Canada at the end of this month and I desperately need guidance on how to forgive a situation like mine.

By: Rebekah

Rebekah — Thu, 02 Mar 2023 19:40:53 +0000

In reply to Margaret O' Neal. Hi....if I can say? I've had a lot of help and relief by joining Alanon, a worldwide organization for spouses of addicts and alcoholics. There are local and electronic meetings.

By: Rebekah

Rebekah — Thu, 02 Mar 2023 19:32:06 +0000

Hey...thanks for the article. I live next door to someone who is pathologically inconsiderate. I told her when she moved in that with my brain injury, I am noise sensitive and sleep and hang out in the back of our conjoined railroad apartments for quiet's sake. From day one she's disregarded my pain, over-inhabiting the juxtaposed uninsulated room as an "office" with early morning loud Peletóning, loud all day speaker meetings, an untrained dog that barks loudly at everything and multiple trips daily out the back door to poop a dog (she's able to have by calling it a "support animal") she doesn't walk. I actually, over the two and more years of her tenancy have come to acceptance, hence forgiveness twice and lost it. The landlady shamed me when I complained almost 2 years ago and said it's my problem to handle. We (a family of 3) love and need our apartment and have lived here for decades without such a problem. The reminder in the article that I am doing it (forgiving) for myself is a bright light. BTW, I have noise-canceling headphones and earplugs and her (neighbor's) voice and the dog's barking cut through both. For my own sake (mine!!! not the neighbor's), I will practice patience, kindness and acceptance. This is frankly, the biggest spiritual battle of my life and thanks again for reminding me why I want to win it....

By: Hugo Huijer

Hugo Huijer — Sat, 11 Feb 2023 15:11:56 +0000

In reply to Kelley.

Hi Kelley,

Thanks for sharing. I think you need to discuss this in an open-minded way. Chances are your friends aren’t considering your perspective and are simply making light-hearted jokes. That’s not to say that this is OK, because frankly, if they’re your friends, they shouldn’t be OK with making you feel uncomfortable in any way.

By: Kelley

Kelley — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 16:06:34 +0000

So I (F53) love to travel and I take many trips with two close friends (F 57 and F 59). Recently on a beach trip, I caught one of them taking what was possibly the most unflattering picture of me I have ever seen. She was sheepish and surprised when I badgered her into finally showing me the picture. It was such a horrible picture that I almost cried.

As it turns out, my other friend does it too. I’ve even caught them laughing at bad pictures of me behind my back. To the best of my knowledge, they are not posting these pictures on social media, or showing them to other people. However, that doesn’t make it any less painful.

Further they say, “they’re cute memories of fun trips,” however if that were the case, then why don’t they share the pictures with me? Why don’t they also take bad pictures of each other? Why don’t they also take good pictures of me when I’m dolled up for a night on the town?

Now because of the pandemic, I’m at the heaviest I have ever been and can barely stand to see pictures of me when I’m looking straight at the camera, smiling and posing. I’m not a vain person, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why two friends who know I’m feeling extremely self-conscious about my looks would take the most unflattering pictures of me to ever exist. It feels very mean-spirited.

I’m wondering if I’m being too sensitive or wrong for confronting them about it. I wanted to discuss it with them face-to-face, like adults, but when I tried that with one of the friends, she became very angry, got up and bolted out of the restaurant. I just want to forgive, forget and move on, but I still feel so disrespected.

By: Hugo Huijer

Hugo Huijer — Tue, 22 Nov 2022 06:50:03 +0000

In reply to Rosa. Thanks for sharing, Rosa. I hope our article has been helpful for you to deal with this situation.

By: Rosa

Rosa — Sat, 12 Nov 2022 02:31:23 +0000

I was dating someone for 15months and broke up about 4 times and every time i would come back after 2 or 3 days. He tells me hes madly in love with me ,i love him too, that hes never love anyone like me even being married before for 22 years hes 60 and im 54 . I’ve been divorced for 18 years my ex cheated on me . My boy friend also has ptsd and i dont know how to forgive him for the hurting things he has said to me when we argue. I shut down and cant talk when im angry.

By: Hugo Huijer

Hugo Huijer — Wed, 09 Nov 2022 07:37:10 +0000

In reply to KD.

Wow, that sucks. I don’t have any other words for it, I’m afraid. Even if you’re not able to forgive him (which to be frank, I would 100% understand), I hope you’ll still be able to find happiness yourself.

All the best,

Hugo

By: KD

KD — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 04:08:05 +0000

I have a hard time forgiving my ex husband and the lady he cheated and had a baby with 2 years into our marriage. She would constantly call my phone and harass me trying to prove that he was with her and always post things on social media to “prove” that she was still having dealings with him. It hurt me so bad when we got a divorce because all I wanted was our family and now that is gone because of his poor choices. He says he wants his family but he continues to deal with her. I want to forgive but don’t know how it’s possible.