Because of powerful influences like social media, it seems more challenging than ever to like what you see when you look in the mirror. Sadly, it’s not just physical critiques, either. Many of us fall into the habit of criticizing ourselves emotionally and mentally.

Sure, it’s good to seek out self-improvement, but only when done healthily. If you too struggle with the concept of loving (and liking) yourself, then keep reading to discover more about this problem and see what you can do to change.

Why it’s hard to like yourself

Learning to dislike yourself is an unhealthy thought pattern that can develop as early as childhood. This habit often starts due to critical parenting for some, but that’s not always the case. 

Unfortunately, some people’s brains are simply predisposed to this type of thinking, so it’s more of a natural reflex than a learned behavior.

I believe it’s normal to challenge yourself to be better in some areas of life, but blatantly disliking yourself is entirely different. We all want to change ourselves in one way or another. That’s human nature. Some typical areas for self-improvement include wanting to be: 

• Stronger.
• Smarter.
• Healthier.
• Skinnier.

The desire to change everything about yourself or fixate on a few bad qualities can quickly get out of hand, though. For example, dwelling on your weight or physical appearance can sometimes lead to eating disorders.

So you have to be aware of your inner dialogue and negative thoughts to keep these feelings in check.

So how exactly does a desire to improve yourself transform into not liking yourself? Well, it’s complicated.

Why do I dislike myself?

Some people don’t hate their bodies because of their physical appearance, but instead for more complex reasons. For example, it might be easy to fall into self-hatred if you are battling a physical disability or chronic health condition.

I have personally been diagnosed with a few challenging health conditions, and there are days when I do indeed hate my body. It’s hard to love yourself (or even like yourself) when your body struggles to function normally. I consistently compare myself to other people in my age group and wonder why my life can’t be as easy as theirs.

Not everyone shares this same sentiment, obviously. For some people, hating yourself goes much deeper than the physical body. We can dislike ourselves for a multitude of reasons, like:

• The inability to find love.
• The struggle to finish college or find a decent job.
• The challenge of facing our past traumas.
• Finding a way to forgive ourselves for past mistakes.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

5 tips to like yourself better

Like any other form of irrational thinking, learning to like yourself takes time and dedication. But, unfortunately, when you get comfortable tearing yourself down every day, it’s difficult to stop this addictive thought process suddenly.

Luckily, there are numerous small ways to change your thinking and ultimately start to like yourself more.

1. Accept your flaws

Everyone wants to change something about themselves. Whether it be an acne-filled face or your bad habit of procrastinating, there’s always room for improvement. But fixating on those flaws will only bring you down.

If you must work on personal growth, I recommend you start small. Just focus on one thing you want to fix and leave the rest alone.

Nobody is expecting you to be perfect in life. There is often beauty and ingenuity in our imperfections. You don’t have to love your flaws necessarily. Just start to accept them for what they are.

2. Forgive yourself

Once you start to accept yourself and your flaws, I also suggest you learn how to forgive yourself. Developing a sense of self-compassion is critical to loving (and liking) yourself.

Sometimes this type of forgiveness involves other people, as it may pertain to a poor choice you made in a past relationship. However, forgiveness can be a strictly private matter as well.

This could involve forgiving yourself for:

• Being sad or depressed.
• Worrying incessantly.
• A cheat meal or an extra slice of cake.
• Dwelling on negative things.

It might sound silly, but I believe it’s important to acknowledge this kind of forgiveness with yourself either in a journal or maybe in a therapy session. It’s often quite alarming when we think about the various things we’re holding onto. Letting go of these internal battles is a big step in the right direction to liking yourself more.

3. Practice positive self-talk

Self-talk is essentially the inner dialogue that can feed us either positive or negative messages. If you struggle to like yourself, you are probably already familiar with negative self-talk, as it often plays a significant role in self-hatred.

On the other hand, positive self-talk can make a huge difference in your self-love journey. For example, simply reminding yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, and good enough can genuinely change the way you think about yourself long-term.

There are several other benefits to positive self-talk, including:

• Improved immunity.
• Pain reduction.
• Stress reduction.
• Overall greater life satisfaction.

4. Stop comparing

Social media has made it nearly impossible for us to love and accept ourselves fully because we are constantly bombarded with ridiculous highlight reels from other people’s lives. So when you compare your worst day with someone’s best moment, of course, you will be disappointed.

I’m not saying you have to quit social media altogether unless that’s something you feel led to do. But instead, maybe try to control your social media intake per day because it almost always leads to unhealthy comparisons.

I think it is essential to stay off of social media on the days when you are feeling really down about yourself. If you’re already struggling to like yourself, looking at a celebrity’s picture-perfect life will likely just make you feel worse.

Here’s an article with more tips on how to stop comparing yourself to others.

5. Look for the good

Finally, I want to stress the importance of finding things you genuinely like about yourself. Of course, there will always be things you wish you could change, but on the flip side, I believe you can always find a few good qualities if you look hard enough.

If you need some motivation or help in this area, I suggest you ask your loved ones what characteristics they like about you. Their answers might surprise you.

I believe there is good in everyone if only you take the time to find it.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Learning to like yourself is often a lifelong battle, so don’t get discouraged if things don’t come easy at first. Even if you only make small changes, in the beginning, baby steps are better than nothing at all. Hopefully, with the addition of these tips in your life, you will learn to like yourself more over time. Continue to find the good in yourself and accept who you are. Remember, no one is perfect. We are all just doing the best we can.

Do you find it hard to like yourself, even during your best days? Try to work on some of the tips discussed in this article and let me know what your experiences are. I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 5 Tips to Like Yourself More (and Why It’s so Important) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

We do not necessarily have to excuse this behavior because it is not the greatest quality to have. But we must keep in mind that we are only human, after all. But that may be easier said than done. How do you actually deal with the inevitable consequences of being let down?

In this article, I will help you understand why people get disappointed with each other, and how this affects relationships. I’ll also offer four simple tips to help you deal with being let down.

Give you tips on what you can do to deal with disappointment in such a way that it will not poison you emotionally and mentally.

How your high expectations could make you vulnerable for being let down

Some people hold high standards of themselves and expect other people to behave according to their ideals.

The problem is, that ‘ideal’ is more often than not just a version of the person you made up in your head.

The concept of incongruence and being let down

In the humanistic school of thought in psychology, there is a concept called “incongruence.” Developed by Carl Rogers, it basically talks about the discrepancy between the ideal self and the real self.

The ideal self is how we wish and expect ourselves to be, and the real self is how we really are. The higher the dissonance, the more we become disappointed in ourselves.

This concept can also be used to understand why high expectations lead to disappointment. High expectations stem from the concept of the “ideal” version we have of that person. The greater the difference between the ideal version of someone and how they really are, the more we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Again, this does not excuse or absolve them for letting us down in any way. This is just a simple explanation of something we can control. We can control our own minds and our own feelings about it, not theirs.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Tips on how to deal with people letting you down

Being let down by others is something that we can’t always avoid.

Even though we can change our own state of mind about it, there are still some tips that I’ve found useful in dealing with the actual disappointment.

Here are 4 tips that have helped me.

1. React accordingly

As previously mentioned, we cannot control how people act toward us. This is actually a pretty freeing thought. Imagine you were 100% responsible for how others behave towards you. That is a huge weight to carry on one’s shoulders, and 99.9% of the time, it is not even a correct assumption!

All we can do is control how we are going to react to their behavior.

In the words of Maya Angelou, a famous author and poet:

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

Maya Angelou

Being let down by people is a part of life. It is unpleasant and unfair, but it will be more unfair for you if you continue to dwell on it. You were already disappointed in the first place, why increase the negative thoughts and feelings that come with it when you can:

• Allow yourself to feel disappointed.
• Understand that you are not responsible for their behavior, only how you expected them to behave.
• Depending on the context of the problem and the relationship with the other person, see if it is worth communicating or continuing the relationship.

2. Communicate assertively

It may be difficult to believe, but some people are just plainly unaware of their disappointing behavior. Maybe they just lack self-awareness?

Or this may be because they rarely, if ever, get called out on it.

In any case, depending on your relationship with the person, communication helps not only in managing your expectations, but it will also let the other person know yours.

Assuming that people ought to know better is not always wise. The best course of action is to communicate your thoughts and feelings in an assertive manner:

• Use “I” statements to express your feelings

For example, “I felt disappointed when you did not work on the project like you said you would”.

• Listen and validate what the other person has to say about it

For example, “I understand you have a lot on your plate and feel completely spaced out”.

• Set boundaries for your own peace of mind

For example, “I would appreciate it if, in the future, you will let me know that you would not be able to work on the project as we discussed”.

3. Think realistically

The best way to combat disappointment is to manage our own expectations. It is admirable to see the best in people, but we also need to be careful not to mix the ideal version of them with the version that they show to us.

Or better yet, have realistic expectations in the first place. See them for who they are, not how we want them to be. The more we set our expectations based on how people really are, the less disappointed we become.

Observe behavior patterns and ask yourself the following questions:

• Has this person let me down before? What was the context of that situation?
• Did I merely expect them to act that way toward me, or did I communicate my expectations toward them?
• Shall I continue to invest in a relationship with this person if they continuously set me up for disappointment in the first place?

4. Know when to stay or when to let go

Think about the person that let you down, how they have treated you, and how you felt about it. Then decide for yourself if that is something you can tolerate.

If not, then it may be time to slowly sever ties with them. Or at the very least, minimize contact with them.

Negativity can spread from one person to another, and you want to minimize the impact this has on your own happiness.

If you’re looking for tips on this topic, here’s our article on how to let go of a friend.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Remember, when dealing with people that let you down, the only thing that is within your control is yourself. You get to decide how to react toward them. It is not selfish to think of yourself first and foremost. After all, when other people disappoint you and you dwell on it, you only end up disappointing yourself, which is an additional hurdle to tackle.

What did I miss? Are there any tips you want to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 4 Simple Tips to Deal With People Letting You Down appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Forgiveness, in its simplest definition, is an act of mending strained relationships brought about by perceived wrongdoing. But besides forgiving others, we should also practice self-forgiveness.

This article covers what you need to know in order to practice forgiveness and become a happier person as a result.

Two types of forgiveness

Both forgiving others and self-forgiveness are equally important and can significantly contribute to well-being.

Forgiveness is also a hallmark of great cognitive control, but more on that later. First, let us look at the two types of forgiveness we encounter.

Self-forgiveness

Making mistakes is a part of being human.

Nobody expects us to be perfect all the time. In all the different roles we play (e.g. parent, friend, partner, colleague, and child), there are different sets of expectations that we are sometimes unable to fulfill.

It is normal to feel terrible about the mistakes we make, but it is also important to remember that if we are truly remorseful and we want to improve ourselves, holding ourselves accountable is not enough.

In order to allow for growth, we must also learn to forgive ourselves.

Forgiveness to others

Forgiving others in order to heal depends on the person’s perception of healing. For some, it is important because it symbolizes letting go of the hurt and resentment that’s living rent-free in their minds.

On the other hand, some people associate forgiveness with absolution from the hurtful actions inflicted upon them.

It is understandable that asking for forgiveness can be a difficult endeavor for some. It can be seen as a blow to one’s ego because forgiveness is essentially an acknowledgment that there was pain inflicted.

For the person asking for forgiveness, it means they acknowledge that they have inflicted pain. For the person giving forgiveness, it means they have allowed the other person to hurt them. Depending on what they believe in, they may also see it as a form of absolution to the pain inflicted.

Example of practicing forgiveness

Near the end of my relationship with my ex, we exchange some very hurtful words with each other.

We knew these words could damage and invalidate the self-concept we worked so hard on improving.

To cut a long story short, it took a while for me to say, “I forgive you” and really mean it. Mainly because I did not get an apology in the first place.

It also took quite a while to forgive myself for hurting him too. I found it difficult to live with the knowledge that I was capable of inflicting such pain. After all, I have always been taught to take the high road and turn the other cheek.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Studies on practicing forgiveness

The act of forgiveness is nearly universal to all cultures and religions. It is seen as a socially acceptable act.  The Science Of Forgiveness defines forgiveness as:

A significant change in a person’s psychology, whether it be on an emotional or a behavioral level, toward someone who has hurt them. Specifically, forgiveness is an altruistic decision that relinquishes thoughts of vengeance, avoidance, and guilt by replacing feelings of anger, betrayal, fear, and hurt with prosocial emotions.

McCullough and van Oyen Witvliet, 2001

The effects of forgiveness are described as follows:

With time, forgiveness may offer inner peace between the mistreated person and the transgressor, which can have a wide range of physical and psychological benefits.

Denton and Martin, 1998; Enright and Zell, 1989

There have been several studies dedicated to forgiveness that highlight not only its social acceptability but also its positive effects.

The positive effects of forgiving

This study shows that practicing forgiveness is correlated with higher life satisfaction among adults.

In short, the more we choose to forgive, the more satisfied we can be with our lives. It also brings about higher levels of well-being, due to the fact that the more nonviolent feelings we have towards our transgressors, the better we feel. 

Practicing forgiveness is also a good coping strategy for negative peer experiences that can be taught among adolescents. Choosing to forgive helps instill the concept that the only person that can control how they perceive them is themselves. 

Long story short, the positive effects of forgiving are:

• Higher life satisfaction.
• Better self-esteem.
• Higher levels of well-being.
• Better coping strategies.

4 ways to practice forgiveness every day

Forgiving is a mental and emotional workout. But as a result, it becomes easier to ignore feelings of resentment, retaliation, or self-loathing.

Here are 4 ways to practice forgiveness every day

1. Exercise empathy

Forgiving comes easy when we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. When we try to see things from the other person’s perspective, we are able to more or less understand the motives behind their actions. 

Whenever we do something hurtful or bad, we can always justify our actions because we understand the reasons behind them. Since we know why we do the things we do, we usually find it easier to forgive ourselves compared to forgiving others.

That’s because it’s difficult for us to put ourselves in another person’s shoes. Exercising empathy is the first step to practicing forgiveness every day.

2. Accept flaws and imperfections

Knowing that not everyone is perfect all the time allows us to cut them some slack.

This does not mean that you have to excuse their bad behavior. This concept is more related to the previous tip. When we manage our expectations towards other people, we will find it easier to forgive them when they let us down.

3. Choose battles wisely

Not every transgression deserves a reaction. In other words, not every bad or hurtful action requires forgiveness. Some things are just too insignificant to worry about.

For our own peace of mind, some things are better off left alone. By exercising empathy and managing our expectations, we are able to do this more efficiently.

4. Change your mindset

All of these tips will culminate in a mindset change. In order to practice forgiveness more effectively, we must also change our idea of forgiveness.

Try to see forgiveness as an act of kindness we must give to ourselves, not to others. When we see forgiveness from this perspective, we are able to practice forgiveness daily, because we know we are doing it to achieve mental clarity and peace of mind.

We are able to let go of unnecessary mental clutter, leaving more space for positivity and personal development.

Remember:

Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.

Anne Lamott

Forgiving someone else has a positive influence on you. When you’re able to change your mindset, you’ll see how practicing forgiveness daily can really make you a happier person.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up  

We often hold on to anger because we are afraid that if we do, we also forget. However, we can choose to forgive without forgetting the lessons learned from the hurtful experience. Even if it is the more difficult route to take, the happiness that comes from forgiving makes it worth the journey.

What did I miss? Is there anything you would like to add? Maybe a personal example of how you practice forgiveness every day? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 4 Tips to Practice Forgiveness Daily (and Why It’s So Important) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Using the latest research and some suggestions from around the world, we can show you how to create habits that you can actually keep – and make use of habits that you can pass down to your kids such as positive self-talk, good banking and finance habits, structure and discipline, and diet and exercise. This way, you can use positive habits to improve the quality of your life and those around you.

In this article, you’ll learn how to form a habit, what makes habits stick, and some habits you can cultivate in your own life.

Why creating habits can feel so difficult

If you’re a serial new years resolution setter, chances are your habits don’t always stick. In fact, 80% of people give up on their resolutions by the time January rolls around. 

Habit-forming is often unconscious. Fifteen years ago, if someone told you you’d be staring into a device that showed you cat pictures and what other people had for lunch for hours on end, you’d call them crazy. As of 2022, 1.9 billion people use Facebook every day to do just that.

It has become a habit for those people as much as going to the gym or making one’s bed every day. 

These bad habits are mostly “triggered” by convenience, proximity, stress, or a lack of time.

For example, you may buy some snacks on the way to work every day, because there’s a vending machine near your entrance. One idea is to use a different entrance and break the habit. 

My point is, that most of these habits are formed unconsciously. This is why it can feel unnatural to create habits on purpose.

Why it’s important to create habits early

The earlier you start with something, the more effective it becomes over time. Don’t despair if you’re an older person – habits can still have a great impact on your life if you decide to start today.

In addition, instilling good habits in your children can set them up for a happier, healthier, and fulfilled life. 

One way is to teach your kids about bank accounts. By letting them control their own finances via an app or debit card, you can let them make mistakes with their money – maybe that 100-page sticker book wasn’t all it was cracked up to be! – and they will learn about saving for bigger and better things as well as structure and discipline.

Instilling habits when children are young can have positive effects for the rest of their lives. 

6 tips to create habits that you will actually keep

Enough with the benefits of good habits! How do you actually go about creating them? Here are 6 actionable tips that will help you create your positive habits!

1. Conscious habit-forming

Conscious habit-forming requires planning and thought. You should have a SMART goal and plan – that means Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-Limited. Instead of a big “I need to lose 20kg” – make it SMART: “I want to lose 1kg every two weeks by going to the gym at least three times a week for the next three months.” 

2. Stack your habits

Another popular way to form habits is by “habit stacking” according to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits.

He says that habits can be formed by stacking them on top of one another – for example, if you already have a habit of making coffee in the morning, do five push-ups while you’re waiting for the water to boil. Another example is to make a habit of driving to the gym every day – you don’t even have to go in.

Since you already have a habit of driving to the gym, doing a workout is the next logical step; and before long you’ve formed a gym attendance habit instead of just a gym-driving habit!

This can also apply to your kids if you set it up as part of a family habit.

3. Identify negative self-talk and change it

How we react to events and talk about ourselves can have a powerful impact on our mental health. As far back as ancient times, the Stoic philosophers once said that “the universe is change, life is what our thoughts make it.”

Getting into the habit of speaking positively to yourself can have a profound impact on your mental health. This may be through identifying negative self-talk, checking in with how you, your partner, and your kids are feeling, finding the lighter side of “negative” situations, and surrounding yourself with positive people.

If you find it difficult, you may want to enlist the help of a therapist or counselor to get yourself into the habit of positive self-talk. 

4. Add structure to your life

Structure and discipline are crucial to forming habits in general. Structure in life can be achieved through writing down a morning routine, writing to-do lists, meal planning, making time for self-care, and other repeatable actions.

Creating structure and sticking to it requires discipline – and this discipline can positively impact your mental sharpness, wellbeing, and energy levels. For more helpful tips, here is our article on how to create more structure in life.

5. Get into good financial habits

Learning about finances is a tricky one – especially since it’s so taboo in Western culture – but instilling good financial habits will help you make better financial decisions and set you up for growing real wealth.

This is incredibly important if you want to have a sense of freedom to do what makes you happy, instead of what your bank account tells you to do (which is mostly to work harder!)

To begin with good financial habits, you should consult a licensed financial adviser to give you a baseline on your finances. Seeing a financial adviser regularly keeps you accountable (literally) and puts you on a good path with your finances.

6. Maintaining good health through diet and exercise

Diet and exercise are one of the more popular resolutions people make and seldom stick to. Changing how we eat is made easier by direct-to-door portion-controlled meal services such as YouFoodz, My Muscle Chef, or Hello Fresh. By restricting the amount, we can maintain a level of caloric intake. 

To help instill the habit in your kids, you can incentivize them with extra pocket money in their accounts if they choose good foods instead of spending it all on lollies. 

As for exercise, layer this into the family routine. A structured family walk or a trip to the recreation center each week (or multiple times a week) can start the habit of exercising regularly. The entire family will feel energized, your mental health will improve – and the bonus is that the kids will actually be tired enough to get to bed at their allotted bedtime hour!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Habits don’t have to work straight away – they can take time and nurturing to form. But once they do set in stone, they’ll last a lifetime! Stacking multiple positive habits like this can have a compounding effect on your overall happiness, and those around you!

What’s the last habit you’ve created to improve your own wellbeing? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments below.

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 6 Ways to Create Habits You Actually Keep (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

A favor, gesture, or gift cannot feel appreciated. But the person extending said gift definitely can. So perhaps, “I appreciate you” would be more fitting. This is just one small but powerful way to let others know how much I appreciate them.

Read on, and I hope to open your eyes, and your heart, to just seven ways you can show appreciation to others, and why it is so important.

Why showing appreciation is so important

Imagine this scenario:

You have been working all day on perfecting a very important presentation you must give at the end of the workday. As you are giving your presentation, you notice that no one is even paying attention. At the end of your talk, everybody leaves the room without showing appreciation for anything you’ve done.

I don’t know about you, but this lack of appreciation would make me feel very undervalued and unimportant. According to Psychology Today, when someone shows they appreciate you or your work, it helps you feel validated and seen; connecting us as humans, friends, and loved ones.

Showing others you appreciate them can also create more smiles and a more improved, positive mood. These effects are felt not only in the person being shown appreciation. Showing appreciation makes one feel intrinsically good. And in today’s world, we could all use some smiles and good feelings!

7 ways to show appreciation

There are countless numbers of ways you can show someone you appreciate them and their actions. I have listed just seven ways. 

1. Say thank you

One of the simplest ways to show you appreciate someone is to simply say “Thank you!” You can say the actual words to the person, or write a note, or put post-its up for them to find. However you choose to thank someone, be specific and let them know what they did (or didn’t do) that made you so appreciative.

There are many ways to say thank you; numerous phrases or actions. Find what way makes you feel comfortable while relaying the message that you are thankful and appreciative.

2. Start by appreciating yourself

Do you ever show yourself any appreciation? “If you have difficulty openly appreciating others, it is likely you also find it difficult to appreciate yourself,” states Tony Schwartz in a Harvard Business Review article.

At the end of the day or week, try looking back at what you accomplished or changed for the better or anything that you are proud of, no matter how small or menial it may seem right then. Tell yourself you did good and you are proud of yourself. Eventually, this will become second nature and you will find larger things about yourself that you appreciate. Then you can really start to appreciate those around you.

3. Remind yourself to appreciate others

If you are not used to showing appreciation to others, it can be difficult at first to even remember to do so. Find a way to remind yourself. Global Leadership recommends putting coins in one pocket, and every time you show appreciation to someone, transfer that coin to another pocket. 

That is just one trick. Another thing you could try is writing a list of people you come across throughout the day and what they did that made you appreciate them. Then make sure you let them know. Find what visual or tactile aid works for you. Make it something simple.

4. Pay attention and listen empathetically

When someone is talking to you about any situation or feeling or whatever is on their mind, don’t just listen to them talk. Make sure you hear what they are trying to tell you. They are trusting you with their heart and mind. Use your heart and mind to let the person know you care and truly appreciate that they came to you.

When you listen empathetically like this, it validates their thoughts and feelings. Listen without judgement. Try to bring up details that are conveyed to you at a later date or time and create an opportunity to show you heard what was said and that you are appreciative.

Here’s a full article on how to be a better listener if you want to take this one step further.

5. Shine a light on someone

Boast to other people (in a kind and gentle manner) about what someone did that made you appreciative. Tell other people that so – and – so did such – and – such and how it made you feel.

Letting those around you know what kind of behavior is appreciated not only makes the person you are bragging about feel good, it lets others know how you would like them to act around you. It also gives others a reason to behave in this manner. Wouldn’t you love for someone to tell others just how wonderful you are?

6. Random acts of kindness are always valued

You don’t have to make any sort of large, extravagant gesture to show someone how appreciative you are of them. Even the smallest, most random act of kindness can portray appreciation. “The significance of the gift,” explains Parade, “can depend more on the meaning it has to the other person.”

For example, recently my niece came and stayed with me while I was really sick to help me out with a few things. She was helping out of the kindness of her heart, and I wanted to show her that I really appreciated her staying with me. I was too sick to make a big gesture. I noticed her eyeing a set of nail strips I had. So before she left, I did her nails for her. It was something small that meant a lot to her.

7. Act on your appreciation

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words.’ Maybe you don’t feel comfortable coming right out and saying how much you appreciate someone or something. Instead, you can show them your appreciation.

I showed my niece how much I appreciated her help by doing her nails. (I did also tell her how much I love her and how much her helping out meant to me.) Maybe you could buy someone flowers or something beautiful to look at. In acceptable situations, you can give someone a hug or handshake to convey your appreciation.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

It may take some serious soul searching for you to find the perfect way to show someone just how much you appreciate them. Or maybe it is just some simple, random courtesy that comes naturally. We are all individuals. Find the best way for you to show your appreciation to others. Start to make the world a better place.

What’s your favorite way to show appreciation to others? Do you want to share a tip that has helped you lately? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 7 Tips to Show More Appreciation to Others (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

It is so important for us to live in the present – the current moment. I know you have probably heard all the phrases – “Stop and smell the roses”, “All you have is the here and now”, “Live in the moment” and so many others. Maybe there just might be some truth to all that hullabaloo after all.  

There are so many important reasons why and ways to stay in the present. I plan on covering just some of these reasons and ways. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

What exactly is living in the present?

Living in the moment, or being in the present, is exactly as it sounds – focusing on what is going on at this exact moment in time. Not ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. I like the way this article from Psychology Today puts it – being present is “a state of active, open, intentional attention to the present.”

Savoring the moment is quite important. If your mind is in the present, it is harder to ruminate on the past or worry about the future.

Present-minded people are more likely to take compliments, criticisms, and any other comments at face value. They don’t overthink or take things too personally. They tend to be the ones that think before acting.

Why should I live in the present?

There are so many many reasons why you should focus on the present. It will create an overall happier healthier you. Here are 7 benefits to why you should live in the present more:

• Raising your self-esteem.
• Helps you cope better with pain.
• Reduces stress.
• Increases your ability to deal with negative emotions.
• Numerous positive health impacts, including lowered blood pressure.
• Makes you more empathetic.
• Decreases anxiety.

We discussed these benefits more in-depth in our article on the benefits of mindfulness.

As I said, these are just a few reasons to live in the present. And, honestly, who couldn’t benefit from less stress and anxiety, simply by choosing not to focus on the negative situations?

Living in the moment and mindfulness

Have you heard of the type of therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy? I have been in therapy for almost 25 years. DBT has been taught and retaught to me. This type of therapy focuses on gaining more control over your thoughts and emotions.

Dr. Marsha Linehan developed and wrote the original books on Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You can read more about Dr. Linehan and her career on the University of Washington’s website where she retired in 2019.

Mindfulness (a fancy word for being in the moment) is one of the core skills taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

The other three core skills are also extremely valuable tools to help you lead a happy, healthy, successful life. They are Tolerance, Emotion, Interpersonal.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy was originally developed to treat suicidal and self-harming people. However, it is now widely used to treat a wide variety of mental illnesses. Going off of what I have learned through the years, DBT can teach valuable tools to anybody willing to learn. I do not believe you need to have a mental illness to use these helpful skills.

Ways to live in the present

I have compiled a list with just a few skills you can use to live in the present. I am using the top seven suggestions that are most commonly suggested.

1. Try these breathing exercises

Taking some deep breaths, according to Psychology Today, is one of the most popular ways for people to center themselves and bring them back to the present. You focus on the feeling of your lungs filling with oxygen; your diaphragm expanding. Feel the way the air enters your nose and exits through your mouth.

It helps if, while you are breathing, you count or have a mantra that you say in your head. For example “This is now” – in. “Be in this moment” – out. Or you can inhale and count to three (or whatever number you choose) and exhale counting again. 

This is one of the easiest ways to center yourself. It is free, you need no equipment or anything, and you can do it anytime, anywhere.

2. Don’t dwell on the past

Acknowledge that you have thoughts about the past and the future. It is necessary to think about this at times. You need to look back to the past, but to learn from your mistakes or relive happy memories, etc. Do not linger on the negative and beat yourself up. You also need to look to the future in order to be prepared for life.

You can remember and plan, but do not dwell. Think about the past or future in small doses. In other words, don’t stay stuck focusing on what you can’t control. Focus on the present the majority of the time.

3. Try not to zone out

Get into a comfortable, relaxed position. Sitting up is typically preferred over laying down so you don’t fall asleep. Focus on your surroundings. What color are the walls? Are there any pictures? What do you smell? Use all five of your senses. 

The more elaborate and deeper you get into using all five senses, the more in the present you will be. It can be difficult for your mind to wander to memories of the past or worries for the future when you are so hyper-focused on your surroundings.

If you find yourself starting to go into autopilot mode or zoning out, doing this exercise will help snap you back to the present. It can also help calm you during a panic attack or in other anxiety-provoking situations.

4. Go for a mindful walk

Right in line with using your five senses while in a relaxed position, using your five senses fully while out on a nature walk or doing some other activity can help keep you living in the present.

Look all around you and be aware of what is going on. Are the leaves changing colors? Can you hear the snow crunching beneath your feet? Do you hear kids’ laughter?

Taking a mindful walk helps you not only live in the present, but it can also be very relaxing. It can also have many health benefits, as we discussed in this article. Any type of movement, such as yoga, can replace the walk. Just get your body moving and make sure to pay close attention to everything around you.

5. Try a “mindful body scan”

Progressively focusing intently on your different body parts helps you not only to refocus your mind and bring it to the here and now, but you will also become more aware of your body and its needs.

Starting with your toes, scrunch them and release. After you become fully cognizant of your toes, move to the arch of your foot. Then your ankles. Continue tensing and relaxing your muscles as you work your way up to the top of your head.

When you reach a different body part, become conscious of how that particular body part is feeling. Is your knee sore? Does your abdomen feel taught and muscular? Is your stomach in knots, or do you have butterflies flitting about? 

6. Enjoy the moment more

You’re sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s. What are you doing? Are you being mindful and living in the present – taking in all the sights, scents, sounds, etc? Or are you simply wasting your time waiting?

Instead of just waiting and letting time pass you by, be present in that moment. Is there a fish tank in the waiting room? What about any plants? Do you hear the dentist’s drill? Do you have a book or magazine you can get lost in?

Don’t spend your days waiting for something to happen. Enjoy what is happening in the now!

7. Create a system

It is so easy for us to get lost in the day-to-day shuffle of life. This means we need to create an arrangement to help remind us to come back and live in the present.

You could set an alarm on your phone or watch reminding you to refocus. You could have someone remind you that you need to be present. 

Basically, we need to make a commitment to ourselves, and an accountability partner if necessary, that we will live in the present. It may take multiple reminders throughout the day to help keep you focused.

That is perfectly fine.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Living in the present can be a very rewarding experience and a great tool for you to utilize. It won’t always be the easiest one, but the effort is well worth it. Your mind will start to wander at times while you are doing these exercises. That’s okay. Allow yourself to think about the thought that pops in your head, then refocus yourself to the present. It will take practice and patience with yourself. But you can do it if you put your mind to it!

Are you good at staying in the present, without getting your mind bogged up by the future or the past? Or do you want to share a tip that has helped you stay in the present more? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 7 Actionable Ways to Stay in the Present (and Why it’s so Important) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

So how do you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It’s not as simple as you might think. Shifting our thoughts and behaviors requires both knowledge and self-discipline. It is not merely a matter of positive or negative thinking. I’ve learned a lot of work goes into feeling sorry for yourself.

Follow along if you want to learn how to stop feeling sorry for yourself once and for all. 

What is self-pity?

In the simplest terms, self-pity is a natural response to stressful events. But I believe self-pity is so much more than that.

Self-pity or feeling sorry for oneself involves a deep sense of dread and worthlessness. When we feel sorry for ourselves, we often lack self-love and self-compassion. Instead, we consistently focus on what’s wrong with ourselves and our lives.

I believe it’s acceptable to encounter self-pity at times, as long as you don’t live in it long-term. 

All of us experience this feeling sometimes. However, for some, self-pity is a brief stop along the way and for others, feeling sorry for yourself can become a way of life.

Nobody wants to live in a pool of our own self-pity, so why do we?

What causes self-pity?

There is often not one clear cause for self-pity, but instead, many factors can contribute to this harmful way of thinking. Self-pity (which often leads to self-hatred) can be attributed to:

• Critical parenting.
• Abusive parenting.
• Perfectionism.
• Traumatic experiences.

Based on this data, feeling sorry for ourselves is often not a blatant choice, but instead, more of an automatic reflex commonly developed in childhood.

Signs you are feeling sorry for yourself

One consistent sign of feeling sorry for yourself is complaining. Sometimes this entails complaining to others, but often you might internally complain to yourself. 

In my experience, complaining can lead to increased anxiety, deeper depression, and higher stress levels. Therefore, I would infer that complaining negatively impacts our mental health because when we complain, we are typically fixating on everything that is wrong with the world.

In a state of stress, it’s easier said than done to shift our thinking and stop complaining. Unfortunately, once we start thinking negatively, it’s hard to stop the habit.

Other signs of self-pity I’ve noticed include:

• Self-inflicted shame.
• Intrusive negative thoughts.
• Rejecting help from others (isolation).
• Lack of confidence.

Feeling sorry for yourself long-term

Complaining is not the only indicator that someone is feeling sorry for themselves. Instead, there are more severe, long-term implications of living in this mindset.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) explains that feelings of worthlessness and excessive guilt are common symptoms of depression. So it’s possible that feeling sorry for yourself can lead to clinical depression if left unchecked. 

Another pertinent detail to keep in mind is that untreated depression can lead to a risk of suicidality for some individuals. So if feeling sorry for yourself has become a persistent and life-altering problem for you, it’s even more critical that you seek guidance from a trusted mental health professional.

Ways to stop feeling sorry for yourself

Feeling sorry for yourself is different for everyone. Sadly, there’s not a one-size-fits-all approach to conclusively stop this behavior. 

Instead of a to-do list, I want to offer a few thoughtful ways you can create positive change in your life and hopefully stop the habit of feeling sorry for yourself.

1. Prioritize gratitude

Perhaps the opposite of complaining, I want you to try dwelling on the positive instead. You can do this by starting a gratitude journal or simply being mindful about what’s going well in your life. 

At the end of each day, you might try to acknowledge one good thing that’s happened to you. A simple yet effective practice like this can help restructure your thoughts, and eventually, maybe you’ll stop feeling sorry for yourself altogether.

2. Find the root cause

As I previously mentioned, many of us start feeling sorry for ourselves as early as childhood due to adverse or unusually traumatic experiences. Learning your root cause for self-pity can help you fight it more effectively.

Through my therapy sessions, I’ve learned there can be numerous explanations for how we develop these negative thinking patterns. Some of my traumatic experiences were resolved through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or talk therapy, and other more complex situations have required the use of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy.

Everyone’s story is different. Therefore, I recommend consulting a licensed mental health professional to successfully navigate through your unique life experiences.

3. Hold yourself accountable

Changing any habit in life requires undeniable self-discipline and accountability. Self-pity is no different. 

Try involving your spouse, friends, or roommates in this process by asking them to remind you when you start complaining too much or wallowing in self-pity.

You can also designate a specific time to wallow, like setting a “self-pity timer” on your phone for five minutes. Once the five minutes is up, though, you have to promise yourself (or others) you will stop complaining. This particular practice will only work if you commit to stopping and quickly getting back on track.

4. Ask for help

Similar to accountability, I’ve learned that it’s crucial to ask for help when you’re starting to feel sorry for yourself. Due to overwhelming shame (and sometimes pride), asking for help is probably the last thing you want to do when you’re in the middle of a pity party. But that’s when it’s most important to do so.

We need connections in our lives, not just for accountability but for love and support. We sometimes need someone else to remind us of the great qualities we can’t always see. 

Asking for help might include seeking professional help, but often, simply asking friends or family for their support in a stressful season of life can be pivotal in breaking out of those self-pity patterns.

5. Love yourself

Learning to love and accept yourself is a challenging, lifelong battle for most. But I believe self-love is critical in learning how to stop feeling sorry for yourself once and for all.

When you have love and compassion for yourself, you are less likely to fall into a shame spiral of self-pity. People who love themselves understand that everyone has difficult days, but they don’t allow themselves to stay there. They love themselves enough to dust themselves off and keep moving forward despite the adversity they may face.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

If you’ve wrestled with feeling sorry for yourself, I hope this provides comforting advice on why it started and how to stop. Like any other life-altering change, self-pity probably won’t be resolved overnight. If you want to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have to commit to it long-term and be intentional with your actions and words. Only you have the power to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Do you often feel sorry for yourself, and does it keep you from experiencing happiness? Or do you want to share a story about how you overcame self-pity in the past? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 5 Steps to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself (And Overcome Self-Pity) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

However, I have learned over time that letting people into your life is one of the bravest and best things you can do for your mental health.

Through my research and life experience, I want to share what I’ve learned about letting people in. I’ve included tips on battling trust issues, the benefits of vulnerability, the power of forgiveness, and so much more.

Why can’t I trust anyone?

I believe most of us are born wanting to trust others and let people in, but unfortunately, life experience teaches us otherwise. Numerous factors can lead to distrust, including:

• Betrayal.
• Ridicule.
• Heartbreak.
• Trauma.
• Anxiety.

There are so many disappointments in life and often these disappointments are caused by other people. Friends, family, and coworkers can all contribute to our lack of trust. Sometimes these devastating experiences can start as early as childhood and create relational issues for decades to come.

Learning to trust again

Choosing to be vulnerable with others is a challenge for many of us, especially after being burned or betrayed. However, it’s not impossible to let people in, even after enduring hardship. 

Brené Brown says this in her 2015 bestseller, Rising Strong:

Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

Brené Brown

Living a life secluded from others can be tempting, but willingly trusting others just might be the bravest thing you choose to do. Showing up and letting other people into your life is a huge risk, but I believe it can reap big rewards.

What are the benefits of letting people in?

Making friends and letting them into your life can benefit you in so many different ways. Some experts have noted that close friendships can help to reduce loneliness and depression. 

Simply meeting with a friend for happy hour after work might lessen the load of your workday and remind you that even after a busy week, you are not alone in life.

Additionally, studies have shown that maintaining an active friend network can contribute to your overall happiness and strengthen your ability to manage stress. 

This doesn’t mean that the presence of friends will diminish your stress entirely. Instead, the study shows us that having good, trustworthy people in our lives can make life’s stressors more tolerable. This is also discussed in more detail in our article on the powerful impact of having good friends.

5 ways to let people in

I’ve compiled a few promising tips to help you learn to trust others and strengthen your current relationships. Even though stepping into vulnerability is scary, you will likely find that it is worth the risk.

1. Start small

When you’re working on deepening your friendships and increasing trust, you don’t have to give it all away in one sitting. Some people think that trusting others is an “all or nothing” game where we either let someone in on our darkest secrets or we banish them entirely.

Instead, I believe we can learn to live somewhere in the middle. Maybe start by sharing small details about your daily life and slowly proceed to the heavier stuff over time. 

Not everyone needs to know every detail about you, at least not right away. Sometimes it is safer to share the minor stuff first and see how your friend responds. Then as time goes on you can decide how much or how little you want to share with this person.

2. Some secrets are sacred, so determine your boundaries

From the beginning, it’s wise to determine what is worth sharing and what should be kept close to the vest. Ultimately, we hope to find friends with whom we can bare our souls, but even with the best of friends, there should still be boundaries in place.

On a personal note, I have certain aspects of my life that I exclusively share with my husband and no one else. I also have a small group of friends that will likely receive the latest news in my life before acquaintances or coworkers. Then there are some items of discretion that I choose to only speak about with my therapist. 

Setting boundaries in this area keeps you safe emotionally and helps prevent betrayals from people who maybe shouldn’t have free reign on all your secrets. Not everyone always has your best interest in mind.

3. Go to therapy

Finding a trusted therapist can change your life in more ways than one, including helping you learn to trust again and let people in.

Your therapist will likely help you determine the root cause of your trust issues and work through past betrayals and heartbreaks so that you can more effectively find and maintain friendships in the future.

Additionally, a therapist can help you set healthy boundaries. They can walk you through step-by-step on who you can trust and how to begin the nerve-wracking process of letting people in again.

4. Be honest

It might sound redundant, considering my tip about keeping secrets. However, I wholeheartedly recommend being honest with yourself and your potential mates.

Even if it’s merely a brief disclosure about how you’ve been scorned in the past, informing friends about your hesitancy to open up can create dialogue and possibly help you find some common ground with them.

If you are honest with someone about your fears of letting people in, they will likely respond empathetically and often reflect on their own experiences with trust and vulnerability.

All of us have been hurt at some point in our lives, so most people will understand exactly where you’re coming from.

5. Forgive those who hurt you

Perhaps the most intimidating of these tips, I want to encourage you to forgive the people who have mistreated you or betrayed your trust.

This does not always imply letting those people back into your life. There are obvious situations in which the betrayal or heartbreak is too deep to mend and keeping a safe distance is the healthiest choice. But even in those instances, forgiveness is still a viable option.

Being resentful towards others can have surprisingly powerful repercussions, including:

• Depression.
• Anxiety.
• Spiritual turmoil.
• Lack of purpose.

We don’t necessarily forgive someone for their sake, but instead for the sake of our personal health and well-being. Choosing to forgive simply means that we are moving forward and refusing to live in the past anymore.

Maybe most beneficial of all, forgiving those who hurt you will allow you the freedom to move on and eventually let new people in.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

I believe choosing to open up and let people in after you’ve been hurt is ultimately worth the risk. Step out of your comfort zone and stop living in the past, because making friends and letting them in might just change your life for the better.

Do you find it hard to let people in your life? Does it make you nervous or awkward to open up to others? What has helped you deal with these things? I’d love to read your stories in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 5 Steps to Let People In and Open Up (with Examples of the Benefits!) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The way a person deals with a loss can be very personal. Religion, place of origin, and familial relations are just a few contributors to how one may cope with and manage their feelings and attitudes. But regardless of your situation, it’s possible to feel content, or even happy, while you’re grieving.

In the following paragraphs, I will try to open your eyes to 7 reasons why it is OK, even healthy, to be happy while simultaneously grieving. 

Can you be happy while grieving?

Have you ever been to a funeral or a memorial service? Did friends and family get up and talk? Maybe it was just the person officiating that spoke during the service. From my personal experience (and I have quite a bit of it!), when people get together to remember a dear one that has passed, they reminisce of the better times, the good times involving that person. Humorous stories are often told. Fun times revisited. 

Retaining and holding dear these fond moments, and smiling over the stories told, does not diminish your grief in any way. It may, in fact, even help you move from grieving to happiness.

I am well aware that this is not always the case, however. Yes, you are allowed to be angry, depressed, miserable – any feeling you choose. Certain memories may sting.  You can also choose to focus on the positive and push the scale a little closer towards peace and joy. This is nowhere near easy. It takes a lot of work and perseverance, as well as quite a bit of patience with oneself.

How long does grief last?

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote of the Five Stages of Grief in her 1969 book ‘On Death and Dying’. She listed these five stages as:

1. Denial.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.

It is important to note that, although these grief stages are listed in this specific order, by no means will you follow through one to five in order. You may start with any stage or jump to random stages. You may get stuck in one or more of the stages. You may also go through any stage more than once. This was meant to be a fluid sense of grief stages, not linear.

All these stages do not answer the question though. How long does grief last?

While there is no set time limit on how long you are “supposed to” grieve, some say you could possibly begin to crawl out of the grief in approximately six to eight weeks. The same people said you could grieve for up to four years.

My grandma passed away 15 ½ years ago, and I still feel like I grieve her death.

What causes grief?

Grief can be caused by a whole laundry list of happenstances. Most often when someone hears that you are grieving, they immediately assume someone close to you must have passed on. This is not always the case. Some examples of other situations in which you might find yourself grieving are:

• Changing schools or jobs and leaving behind your friends.
• Loss of a limb.
• Decline in health.
• Divorce.
• Loss of a friendship.
• Loss of financial security.

7 ways to find happiness while grieving

While each and every person deals with grief in their own personal way, I wanted to list a number of ways you can be a little (or a lot!) happier while grieving.

1. Smile and laugh

Such a simple act, and yet it does wonders for the body, mind, and soul. Have you ever tried smiling or laughing, and simultaneously being miserable? Now, I’m talking about a true, genuine smile or belly laughter.

Another great response to your smile or laughter is that it is so contagious! Imagine you are walking along and a stranger passes you. This stranger tells you good morning with a great big smile and a tip of his hat. What is your automatic response? Most people would return the friendly greeting with one of their own. Thus, we now have two smiles roaming about ready to multiply.

If you still need a reason, think “longer, healthier life” According to Psychology Today, smiling reduces heart rate and blood pressure and relaxes the body. Now that is something to smile about!

2. Find support from others

As tempting as it might be to burrow deep within yourself and hide your grief from the world – don’t!

There are therapists that specialize in grief counseling. Get together with your friends/family and bond over your shared grief. Social media is now becoming a more and more popular way to meet new people that understand what you are going through.

It may even be helpful to find a friend or family member that will hold you accountable. And I don’t mean for the circumstances you happen to be in.

Find someone you trust and can open up to. Ask this person to check in on you regularly to see how you are coping. Be willing to share with them your thoughts and feelings. Make sure your buddy knows what it is you might be needing in different circumstances, and be willing to accept the help.

3. Identify your needs and make time for yourself

During the time your grief is weighing heavily on your shoulders, what is it that you can do for yourself that will help you in the moment, or in the long haul?

I’m not telling you to go max out all your credit cards and empty your bank account. Although maybe just a little shopping…

• Maybe you need time to meditate or pray every day.
• Take a long hot shower.
• Eat a well-balanced diet.
• Be sure to also regulate your sleep. 
• Etc.

Are you the artsy type? Draw, paint, color. Pick up a journal and pour out all your feelings there. Whatever healthy coping skills you can come up with, do them on a regular basis.

Here’s an article that goes over ways to really take care of yourself first, or alternatively, here’s another one that’s about how to focus on yourself.

4. Set some healthy boundaries and stick to them

You may find yourself surrounded by too many friends and family members. They all have the best of intentions, but it can get overwhelming. If too many people are hovering too closely, kindly let them know they are crowding you. That you need a little bit of space. They may not realize they are overstepping.

You may be tempted to throw yourself into your work or other activities. Set boundaries for yourself as well. Here’s how to set healthy boundaries for yourself and those around you.

5. Get back into your routine

Developing and maintaining a daily or weekly routine can help you move forward. Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. Read the newspaper while you are drinking your coffee or tea every morning. Go to worship on Sundays, or practice whatever religion you may have if you have one. Whatever you would’ve typically been doing before your loss, get back into the swing of it as soon as you feel ready.

This will promote some sense of normalcy in your life. And normalcy is what you may be needing. A new normal that may possibly include new routines. That is perfectly fine.

Sticking to your daily chores will help you prevent that huge stack of mail on the table from getting even bigger and toppling over. It will keep that shed dog hair from creating life-size replicas of the real thing. Basically, sticking to a routine will help stave off getting overwhelmed with the little things that could’ve been taken care of sooner.

If you’re looking for a new habit for your mental health, this article covers a few!

6. If possible, avoid making major life decisions

This is good advice for any time you are feeling any intense emotions. Making rash decisions while you have heightened feelings of any kind can lead to irrational determinations or judgments. Which you may come to regret.

If you absolutely must deliver a directive that will alter your whole future at this moment, bring in another set of eyes to look it over and help you decide. Is quitting your job the right move? Should you really buy that house? Again, your accountability buddy can step in and help you make sound, solid decisions that you will be able to live with.

7. Do for others

I’m sure we were all taught the ‘Golden Rule’ growing up:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Or some version of it. This is something you should give some serious thought and consideration to. Of course, your preschool and kindergarten teachers will tell you to live by this ‘Golden Rule” every day regardless of your circumstances.

Just like smiling is contagious, when you volunteer or help someone else out, their joy and delight becomes your joy and delight. Helping those less fortunate is an excellent way to see how much you still have in your life. And how much you still have to offer others.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Finding happiness while grieving is definitely possible if you put forth the effort. You need to start simple; by celebrating and enjoying the little things in life. Find that happiness glitter wherever it may be – no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Most importantly: go on to live your life to its fullest potential.

Do you think happiness and grief can coexist? Or do you want to share how you found joy during your period of grief? I’d love it if you shared your experiences in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post Grief and Happiness can Coexist: 7 Ways to Find Your Joy appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

However, through some extensive research, I’ve come to the realization that remaining grounded might not be as challenging as we once thought. 

With the help of my personal experience (and a few therapeutic professionals), I’ve settled on five solid tips on how to stay grounded in life. So if you’re anything like me, struggling to stay grounded in a chaotic and careless world, I believe you’ve come to the right place.

What does it mean to stay grounded?

To be grounded implies a sense of stability and sensibility in all things, but most importantly in our thoughts and emotions. Westerners might describe a grounded person as being “down to earth” and eastern philosophies frequently use the practice of mindfulness to achieve this state, but what does it all really mean?

In my experience, being grounded requires us to be:

• peacefully present in the moment.
• fully aware of ourselves.
• not easily swayed by external (or internal) stressors.

However, while the experience of staying grounded sounds pretty straightforward, it is not always easily achieved, at least not without the right tools.

Life often tends to obstruct our ability to stay grounded, mindful, and present. Stressors can include our jobs, friends, families, and sometimes even our own thoughts can get in the way of attaining peace of mind.

Why is it important to stay grounded?

So you might be asking, what’s the point? If you’ve grown accustomed to living a chaotic life and the goal of groundedness seems unattainable, you might not be completely sold on the idea of it.

According to experts at the American Psychological Association, being grounded (or mindful) can lead to improvements such as:

• Reduced rumination.
• Stress reduction.
• Memory boosts.
• Increased focus.
• Less emotional reactivity.
• Cognitive flexibility.
• Relationship satisfaction.

The ability to remain calm and stay grounded in stressful situations has numerous benefits as you can see. However, to fully understand the difference this practice can make in your life, I suggest you try it for yourself.

5 tips to stay grounded

For your convenience, I’ve included a few practical steps you can put into action today to stay grounded in the midst of adversity. Getting started is often the hardest part, so if you can focus your energy on just one area for change you will be off to a great start in your goal of grounded living.

1. Live in the present

Instead of ruminating on past mistakes or obsessing over future circumstances, try your best to remain aware and present in your current situation. For those of us who struggle with anxiety or depression, staying present is an even bigger feat. However, this makes it all the more worthwhile to pursue.

Even simply taking five minutes of your day to recognize who you are, where you are, what you see, etc. can make a huge difference in your mental health and well-being. Some experts recommend this specific grounding technique which encompasses all five of the senses. At any given moment of panic, you are suggested to think of:

• 5 things you can see.
• 4 things you can touch.
• 3 things you can hear.
• 2 things you can smell.
• 1 thing you can taste.

You might not make it through all five every time, and that’s okay. But even taking the time to recognize the color of the sky, the soft fabric of your shirt, or the dull lingering of wind chimes in the distance can bring you back to reality and ground you emotionally and mentally. 

If you want more tips on how to be mindful and present, here is an entire article dedicated to the topic.

2. Meditation

Meditating can take many forms depending on who you are and your specific value system, so it’s best to approach this practice with an open mind. 

For some, meditating looks more like prayer. For others meditating might include taking a few moments every morning to center yourself and focus on manifesting peace and happiness.

Additionally, some people choose to practice yoga as a form of meditation as well.

Either way, choosing to intentionally set aside time in your day away from the hustle and bustle of life is a meditative practice that’s proven to keep you grounded.

If you want to implement this straight away, here’s an article that will help you get started on meditation!

3. Breathwork

Has someone ever told you to take a deep breath when you were feeling stressed? That’s likely because the power of our breathing can impact not just our physical condition, but our mental and emotional conditions also. 

Breathwork is defined as intentionally changing your breathing pattern, but realistically it is so much more than that. There are numerous established breathing techniques to help you stay grounded, some of which have been practiced for centuries. However, my personal favorite is called 4-7-8 breathing.

You can find an extensive guide here, but essentially 4-7-8 breathing involves:

• Inhaling for four seconds.
• Holding for seven seconds.
• Exhaling for eight seconds.

Experts suggest you complete this breathing cycle four times twice per day, noting that it is especially helpful to calm anxiety before bed.

4. Physical movement

I’ve already acknowledged the use of yoga and its relation to meditating, but yoga is not the only form of physical movement that can assist you in staying grounded. 

Other grounding techniques involving movement include but are not limited to:

• Walking (which is more effective than you might think!)
• Running.
• Dancing.
• Biking.
• Weight training.
• Swimming.
• Hiking.
• Stretching.

Medical professionals have been monitoring the effects exercise has on the brain for many years, so there is undeniable proof regarding the benefits of physical movement and your mental health.

Movement can be particularly helpful for individuals who suffer from anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia. However, I believe we could all benefit from physical activity in some way if we are intentionally choosing to live a more grounded life.

As you might have noticed, a common theme among many of these examples of physical movement is the potential for outdoor activities which leads me to my final tip.

5. Spending time in nature

Anyone who’s been camping or visited one of the famous national forests can attest to the therapeutic qualities of the great outdoors. There is something so remarkable about feeling the fresh air on your face or smelling crisp pine trees in the winter.

For those even more committed to the healing powers of nature to ground them, there is a specialized technique appropriately called grounding in which participants are “electrically reconnecting” to the earth. Research is still being done to determine the effectiveness of this practice.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

I believe choosing to live a more mindful, grounded life is worth the extra work. Not only are there physical benefits, but there are mental and emotional advantages as well. Take that extra step, that extra breath, or those extra five minutes in the morning to manifest happiness. You never know how helpful it might be.

What do you do to stay grounded in life? Are you using one of these tips, or do you have another way to stay grounded during stressful times? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Megan PierceHall Author

Former data analyst. Originally from Honolulu, now traveling the world on a mission to make the most out of life. Media specialist by day, huge classical music nerd, and sudoku solver at night.

The post 5 Proven Ways to Stay Grounded (When Times Are Uncertain)! appeared first on Tracking Happiness.