Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Julijana, I live in the Balkan region of Europe. I’m 22 years old, and I’m currently employed by a foreign company. It’s a good job, which allowed me to become self-sufficient at 20.

But the night shift sucks. I don’t have a specific job position, but you can compare it to that of a coordinator. I have been in a very happy relationship for 4 years.

I love that we are growing up together and learning about life and how to be adults. It makes you feel less lonely when you can share your journey with someone. I have also adopted a kitty named Sushi.

She was a garbage cat, and now she is fat and fluffy. I’m also a full-time student, so I cannot commit to a lot of hobbies, but I’m working on finding something that makes me happy.

I have a feeling that I am constantly in a state of transition and searching, whether for a better job, hobby, myself, etc.

I would not consider myself to be a happy person. I am a very worried person, and that affects my everyday life a lot, but I do consider myself grateful for everything I have. I am working on being more of a happy person.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Around the age of 13, I started having a lot of mood swings that were attributed to puberty, but as they grew bigger and bigger, I realized I needed to reach out for help. In the beginning, it was only small mood swings, but eventually, it grew to be a much larger issue.

Around 14, I started having episodes of what I didn’t know was mania. I started getting super hypersexual, and I started spending a lot of my money. I also started to steal from my family members, and every time I did it, I didn’t know why exactly. I just liked the high I got from stealing, and I liked the high of spending that money.

There were a couple of times I went through an episode that endangered my life. Once, I decided to walk on the edge of a bridge ledge, thinking I couldn’t die because I was invincible.

No one really attributed this to something more going on, all of my friends liked it and called me crazy. Crazy and cool are used synonymously in middle and high school.

Later on, around 16, I started having deep depression episodes. Before that, there were times I would get sad, but not like this. Those episodes turned into a lot of guilt and sadness, and I needed to punish myself for something, but I didn’t know what. I had a need to punish myself, so I did.

I started self-harming around that time. I remember everyone asking me where I had seen it and why I was copying people on the internet, but all I wanted was to punish myself. I hid it really well.

This time is a blur. All I remember is going from thinking that my dead grandparent was sending me signals to trying to commit suicide.

After that, I got hospitalized of my own free will. I was there for 2 weeks, and it didn’t help me; it actually left a very bad impression. All they did was secure mentally unstable people not to harm themselves or others, but nothing was done to help anyone.

Around 17, I got hospitalized again, this time for 33 days. I was put on multiple medications that led me to gain a huge amount of weight. It is hard to diagnose bipolar disorder in minors, but finally, at 17, I got the diagnosis. After finding the right combo of meds, I became stable again.

I finished school, enrolled in college, and also found a job.

I’m not cured, I still have episodes, but due to using Lamictal, they are way less severe, and finally, I’m a functional human!

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

No one really noticed I was struggling. At 16, I myself reached out for help to my school counselor. She then helped me get into treatment. My parents didn’t notice before I told them, as they were occupied with my younger siblings.

My friends didn’t really notice either, everything I did was considered cool and not something to be concerned about. The self-harm was not evident because I tried to hide it very well.

After everything, I still feel guilty. Some of the feelings cannot be shaken off. For some reason, I still hate myself without an actual reason. I guess this is a journey.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I don’t remember when it started to get better. There wasn’t anything I did. I think that as time went on, I just got tired of hate, guilt, and sadness. I don’t know how I stopped self-harm. I just remember my mindset changing and thinking that even if I hate myself, I shouldn’t harm my body.

It took years to stop and practice. I didn’t just drop it. I stopped doing it every day, then every week. It was a struggle, and I still get the urge to do it on a bad day. It became like an impulse, but I managed to control it after a few years.

I have been clean for 3 years now. I “relapsed” 3 years ago, but I got back on track quickly. I know meds helped, but it just took time, talk, therapy, a change of mindset, and everything else that you can think of. I had to change everything I knew so I could get better.

I still don’t know how I did it.

Loving the man I love also helped me. I felt worthy for the first time. Getting into college made me feel worthy. Getting my first job and moving out made me feel worthy.

Not happy 100%, because with all this comes the worry, but it did make me happy enough to start appreciating myself from time to time.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Therapy, therapy, therapy. That’s the best thing I can recommend. But before therapy, you must get the right diagnosis, which is hard. Finding the right doctor might also be a challenge, but I think there is no right answer to getting better.

Therapy helped me feel acknowledged and not crazy. It helped me understand my condition, how to manage it, and how to try to control it.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I have shared everything only after it happened, after hospitalization. During that time, I wasn’t even able to explain what was going on, so I was afraid to open up to anyone, fearing they wouldn’t understand. Not everyone reacted positively to my story, a lot of judgment occurred but that was to be expected.

I live in a small country in Europe, and mental health is still stigmatized here. I found it way easier to use the sentence “I’m working on some stuff” than to actually explain your problems.

Even now, I hide my scars from my co-workers because it’s easier to explain. I have worked for the same company for almost 3 years, and no one knows about my illness, so I plan for it to stay that way.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I wish I knew that I was worthy of the treatment and that everything I felt was valid. Because it is, no one is the same. Even with the same condition, we are all different.

I was scared of what was happening to me. I was full of hatred, sadness, guilt, disappointment in the world, etc., but sometimes I still am! And that’s valid.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Nothing in particular.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Not comfortable sharing.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Bipolar Disorder Journey and How Therapy and Medication Help Me Navigate appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Katy! While I currently reside on the island of Montreal, Canada, my roots trace back to a small town nestled along the majestic Temiscouata Lake. 

After having conquered the challenges of social anxiety, I discovered my life’s purpose. Today, I am a proud Social Anxiety Coach and Certified Hypnotherapist. 

Being able to guide others on their journey towards self-confidence is not just my profession but a genuine passion. It’s incredibly rewarding to witness the transformation and empowerment that my clients experience as they break free from the shackles of social anxiety. 

Through coaching and hypnotherapy, I empower individuals to rewrite their narratives, step into their true selves, and discover the strength they never knew they had. The sense of purpose and fulfillment I derive from this work is beyond words, and I feel truly blessed to walk this path.

As for happiness, it was not always the case, but my journey has led me to a place of contentment and joy. Life’s twists and turns have taught me that happiness isn’t a constant state but a series of moments we must savor.

Today, I find happiness in the connections I forge, the smiles I share, and the positive impact I have on the lives of others.

In this beautiful journey of self-discovery, I’ve learned that true happiness comes from embracing our authentic selves, and that’s a gift I strive to pass on to those I have the privilege to coach and support.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I used to struggle with social anxiety for as long as I can remember.

I felt an intense fear of judgment, criticism, and a belief that I didn’t fit in or that something was inherently wrong with me. The fear of being singled out or negatively evaluated in social situations was constantly present in my life. This fear manifested as physical symptoms like trembling, blushing, and rapid heart rate when I had to speak in public or engage in conversations.

I was always a shy and introverted child, which continued into adolescence. My struggle was significantly influenced by growing up in a small town where I felt like I didn’t fit in.

My racial background set me apart, and I internalized the belief that being different was something to be feared and ashamed of. The fear of judgment and criticism from others deepened during these crucial years, leading to a heightened sense of social anxiety.

Over time, my social anxiety developed into a pervasive force that impacted every aspect of my life. From avoiding social situations to self-censoring in conversations, it became a constant companion, restricting my growth and happiness.

However, the turning point came when it started impacting my performance at work. I had trouble expressing myself in meetings, and my boss told me to find a solution. I decided to confront and address this struggle head-on by joining a Toastmasters club.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

My struggle with social anxiety made me feel utterly isolated and profoundly unhappy. It was as if a dark cloud of self-doubt and fear constantly loomed over me. I felt like an outsider, disconnected from the world around me.

The anxiety was relentless, and it gnawed at my self-esteem and overall well-being. Happiness seemed like an elusive dream, something that others could experience but remained out of my reach.

The impact on my happiness was severe. I found myself avoiding social situations, which led to missed opportunities for personal and professional growth. The sense of isolation and loneliness was overwhelming.

The struggle with social anxiety prevented me from forming meaningful connections and enjoying the richness of life’s social interactions. It wasn’t merely a fleeting discomfort; it was a pervasive and persistent presence that tainted my experiences.

For a long time, I tried to hide my struggle from those around me. I didn’t want to burden others with my internal battles, and I was ashamed of my perceived inadequacies.

It wasn’t always clear to others that I was grappling with something so significant since I had been struggling for so long. They were not able to notice any changes. I

It wasn’t until I started my journey of self-acceptance and sought help that I began to open up about my social anxiety. It was a liberating step towards healing and recovery.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The fear of speaking up in meetings or making presentations became a significant barrier to my career advancement. I knew I couldn’t let this anxiety define my future any longer.

The change began when I decided to join a Toastmasters club, which provided a supportive environment for me to work on my public speaking skills and overcome my social anxiety.

My decision to take the initiative to join this club was a pivotal step, and it was driven by my own determination to break free from the limitations social anxiety had imposed on me.

My struggle with social anxiety had impacted me for several years before I found the catalyst for change in joining Toastmasters. It was a journey that had accompanied me from my youth into my professional life, so it took a considerable amount of time before I recognized the need for change and took that first step toward overcoming it.

Once I started on this path, however, the positive changes and improvements began to accumulate gradually, transforming not only my social anxiety but also my overall outlook on life.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Overcoming social anxiety was a transformative journey, and it was a culmination of various steps that, when taken together, allowed me to break free from its grip.

One of the most significant actions I took was joining a Toastmasters club. This provided a structured and supportive environment to improve my public speaking and communication skills.

I started small by attending meetings and gradually progressed to giving speeches, which were initially nerve-wracking but eventually became more comfortable. The club’s positive and constructive feedback helped build my confidence and minimize my fear of judgment.

Seeking professional help was another pivotal step. I consulted a coach who specialized in anxiety. During our sessions, I learned to identify and challenge irrational thought patterns that fueled my social anxiety. My coach helped me reframe these negative thought patterns and taught me strategies to manage anxiety in real-time.

Additionally, self-acceptance played a critical role. I learned to embrace my uniqueness and let go of the need to conform to societal norms. It was a process of acknowledging that it’s okay to be different and that my differences were not something to be ashamed of. I shared my story with like-minded individuals at Toastmasters, and their acceptance and support reinforced the idea that it’s okay to be myself.

If someone is in a similar situation, I recommend taking these steps as a starting point. Join a supportive group or organization that aligns with your goals, whether it’s Toastmasters or another community that allows you to practice social interaction and public speaking.

Seek professional help from a therapist or coach who specializes in anxiety. Their expertise can guide you in managing your anxiety effectively. Most importantly, remember that self-acceptance is a powerful tool.

Embrace your uniqueness, seek support from a like-minded community, and challenge negative thought patterns. These steps, when combined, can pave the way for significant progress in overcoming social anxiety.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I did not initially feel comfortable discussing my struggle with social anxiety with friends and family members. It took time and a growing self-acceptance to feel comfortable sharing my journey.

The first time I talked about it was in a speech in my Toastmasters club. Sharing my experiences in this supportive environment was a relief and helped me feel less isolated. Everyone was supportive and understanding; it helped me connect with them.

Eventually, as I began to overcome my social anxiety and gained more confidence, I became more comfortable discussing it with more people. I started writing about my experiences in a blog.

This process of opening up about my mental health struggles was a journey in itself, one that reflected my progress in managing social anxiety and finding self-acceptance.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

If I could offer one piece of advice to someone who is struggling with social anxiety, it would be to embrace self-acceptance and self-compassion. What I know now that I wish I had known earlier is that our harshest critic often resides within ourselves.

For years, I believed that social anxiety defined me, and it took a toll on my self-esteem and happiness. I wish I had understood sooner that it’s okay to be different, to have unique qualities, and to not fit into societal norms.

Understanding that social anxiety is not a life sentence and that it can be overcome through self-acceptance and finding a supporting community was a game-changer for me.

Recognize that it’s perfectly normal to have fears and insecurities, but these should not dictate the course of your life. Seek support, whether through therapy, coaching, or sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member.

You don’t have to face social anxiety alone, and there is a path to healing and self-discovery. By accepting yourself as you are, you can transform your relationship with social anxiety and unlock a world of possibilities.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think: This book provides practical techniques for identifying and challenging negative thought patterns that contribute to social anxiety. It helped me learn how to reframe and replace unhelpful thoughts with more positive ones.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me on my website, or find me on Instagram.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Overcame Social Anxiety and Became a Confident Coach to Help Others Do the Same appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello, I am Rodrigo, and am currently living in Chihuahua, Mexico. I am currently unemployed and working on a couple of personal projects while I ponder about what to do next. My projects are my podcast (in Spanish), my music, and my Instagram page.

I am divorced with two kids and my biggest passion is music, it has always been my only friend. If it weren’t for music I’d be definitely dead.

I am happy, yes, but I do have my bad days but that just means I’m human and I have emotions. Not all days are filled with sunshine, right? And even in the brightest days you still need an umbrella to cover the sun.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which comes with symptoms of extreme emotions that range from anger to sadness to happiness to everything else. But these emotions are always dialed to 11.

And it’s not just one emotion per day it’s all the emotions all the time and they are extreme.

I don’t know if it’s part of BPD but I never feel wanted by anyone or loved even, it’s such a huge sense of not being loved or wanted or not being part of anything or anyone and not knowing who you are.

I don’t know who I am (a feeling that has worsened now that I found out that my family is filled with narcissists). Also, I think I’m the most hideous-looking person in the world, and that no one cares for me. 

Hypersexuality is another big one in my case, when I’m in a relationship it’s all about sex, I can have sex all day every day if I want to and I do self-pleasure a lot because of the little dopamine I get from it I suppose… 

I’ve never done hard drugs, but two of my uncles are cocaine addicts and that impacted me greatly growing up, cause I felt what it’s like to be around an addict that will be cured “by the powers of god”. What made me fearful of all drugs was one of my uncles craving a high and arguing with my mom (we were visiting an aunt in Pasadena). Things got ugly and my uncle ended up choking my mother right in front of me. I must’ve been 4 at the time.

When I get angry, I become irate. I don’t get violent with people, I’ve never been in a fistfight, but I do get violent with doors, walls, and things around me. I have broken my hand twice hitting stuff.

I also have Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) which makes me imagine things in my head that are not real… Most of the time in my past relationships I’ve always suspected of being cheated on to the point of breaking up.

Also, I always take things personally, even on tv, ads, sometimes I feel like everyone is out to get me and hurt me, so I keep to myself… I do enjoy my loneliness actually. It’s when I’m at peace and it brings the freedom to do what I want when I want

I can’t pinpoint a time when this started since I have repressed all of my childhood, I remember bits and pieces but everything else is just a huge blank.

I would guess it started in my teenage years since that’s when all the depression and anger spewed out. I must’ve been around 12-13 years old but I can’t be sure.

The thing that caused all of it was having narcissistic parents. Parents that were almost never there and when they were there they were very critical of everything I did.

I come from a well-known family and my father has always been involved in politics so he’s always been a public figure.

As such I was always expected to be the “perfect son” and was manipulated, blackmailed, and emotionally abused to submit and not be rebellious (I have the soul of a revolutionary I think ).

I’ve always lived my life “against the grain” so the more I pushed back the more I was insulted into submission.

So most of my life, all decisions have been made by my parents. I was taught that the world is out to get me and that the only people that can ever love me are them, that everyone else just wants to screw me over and hurt me.

There was some physical abuse from my dad, when I was learning to drive he would yell and hit me if I hit a rock or a pothole, and that caused me to be terrified of driving (I learned to drive when I was 16).

I was always shunned because he made me feel like I was stupid and mentally disabled and even said repeatedly “You are gonna end up on the streets”, “you are stupid”, “you are worthless” and all kinds of belittling things. This didn’t just apply to me not knowing how to drive but to everything I did in my life ever.

Also when I was younger I was with some older kids in a sauna and they convinced me that touching them and doing sexual acts with them was “normal” so all my sexuality during my younger years was out of wack since my mother and father never talked to me about sex. I did things that I regret growing up, sexually, that I now have realized is not normal at all.

Over time it got worse, I’m an alcoholic and I’m just 38.

I started drinking when I was 15 and up until I was 36, the worst times were in college when I completely got lost in alcohol. I would sell stuff, ask for borrowed money, and basically blow out the monthly money I was sent on alcohol.

Weed was my companion for the last 4 years and it got bad, I was smoking every day to escape my horrible reality and the situation I am in. I was just numbing all the pain and filling the huge big black hole in my chest with anything I could find. It was either girlfriends, sex, buying things, alcohol, or weed.

I was very irresponsible with money and bought things that I did not need just to be happy.

Another bad habit was making decisions “on the go”. 99% of my life’s decisions were in the spur of the moment, which lead to regret, which lead to depression cause “I’m so stupid”

I’m happy to say that today is my 12th day sober from weed. But yeah, over time it just got progressively worse and I grew more alone.

Do you know how hard it is to be friends with a person who wants to kill themselves and then 5 minutes later they’re ok? It’s draining. Well, I am that person.

This struggle impacted me horribly and made people see me as a weirdo.

Oversharing is a big one as well… as you might have realized… I am an open book to everyone but I do not see it as a bad thing. I am what I am after all.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I’ve never been happy in my life, man, ever. I am always searching for that little piece of dopamine whether it be from alcohol, weed, or falling madly in love in 5 minutes. I hid it for the longest time because, again, my parents.

“How can my kid have a mental health issue, he’s supposed to be perfect”.

Also, I live in a very conservative town so if I told anyone I have mental health issues, they’d think I have mental retardation (sorry for the word) so they talk to me slower and softer.

In my lowest and darkest moments, I turned to suicide, I’ve been suicidal all my life and self-harmed in my younger years. I’d carve things on my arms with sharp pencils and objects and also scratched my arms until they bled and then scratched some more. I hit myself, punched myself, and choked myself.

Last year, I caught myself falling into those patterns again but I have been self-harm free for 2 months now.

I have had 4 suicide attempts, one after I had a situation with my ex-wife during my son’s birthday party, that was the first attempt. I had bought a rope before and was looking for a place to hang myself but never went through until that day.

I was depressed, went into my closet and grabbed a belt which I wrapped around my neck, and proceeded to tighten. The more my brain told me to stop, the tighter I’d get it until something stopped me and I let go. I started crying and told myself “you’re so useless you can’t even kill yourself right”

Then it was two more attempts with a belt and one with a pillow over my face, searched the internet on painless suicide methods, had an open pocket knife in my hands just wanting to either cut my wrists open or stab myself in the chest, eye, or head.

It got dark, it got ugly, I had hit rock bottom and was digging.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I remember it clearly when everything came to be. I was high playing a game and listening to music when it started dripping little by little.

Thoughts of “maybe my family is narcissistic”, “maybe them doing favors for me and then asking for obedience is not normal” and then it opened up like a broken dam when the realization hit… My lord, was it horrid.

I felt all kinds of emotions, imagine having BPD, being high, and now being open to realizing that you never have lived your own life and facing all your trauma! I went into a psychotic breakdown and started crying quietly, laughing, I sent a message to a Twitter friend and she was super supportive but it got to the point where I believed God was here and that my friend was my guardian angel.

I had horrible stomach pains, wanted to throw up, and lost my sense of self completely. I was a baby again reliving all my repressed childhood memories.

I think the change was part of my circumstance. I have reached the lowest point in my life and somehow that made me realize that the things that happened to me are not completely my fault. I think hitting rock bottom made me realize a lot…

I think it was 100% caused by my circumstances. When an animal is cornered, all it can do is fight for survival, so in a way, I think I was telling myself “Fight and survive”.

And that’s what I started working on, fighting and surviving.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I really wish I could share tips on how someone else can benefit from this to overcome this kind of struggle, I really do! But it’s a path that I recently started walking myself.

What have I realized in these few days?

• You are an individual and as such you are entitled to be who you are, if people can’t accept you for who you are then you don’t need those people in your life.
• Show yourself small acts of self-love, drink your favorite coffee, eat your favorite treat, listen to your favorite song, go to your favorite place, and tell yourself “This is from me to me cause I love me”
• You are a miracle, but so is everyone else
• Don’t do good expecting a material payoff, and don’t do good to boast about it on social media. Do good as an act of love and stay quiet about it, feel your blessing in your heart, and move on.
• Look at the small blessings in your life, that’s how life thanks you for being good!
• Emotions are part of life. You can’t live life wrestling them cause you will never win. You gotta learn to accept that they are there and you just gotta live through them.
• Weed and alcohol are the worst solutions to seek to fill up your emptiness, try to look for more positive outlets like writing, drawing, and playing music.
• You do not need anybody to approve of anything in your life, your decisions can lead to failure and that is OK. You gotta learn to be hurt before you can appreciate anything.
• Suicide is not the answer. Believe me, I tried.
• It takes time for a tree to grow, but you have to put in work for it to grow. It’s the same with yourself, it’s not an overnight change. It’s a tough road full of failures and trying and understanding. There will be days when lightning strikes you, some days a pest will come and gnaw at your leaves, and some kid will carve its initials on you with a sharp knife and that is part of it, keep growing and nurturing yourself.
• Eat, your body deserves it.
• Shower, your body also deserves it.
• Let your emotions happen. For me, personally, emotions are like little children that need attention. I’m a parent so that’s how I picture it. If a kid comes up to you and tugs at your shirt you do not ignore it, right? Cause if you do you can hurt the kid and they throw a temper tantrum. It’s the same with your emotions: let them come and tug at your shirt and ask them: What’s going on? They may have scraped their knee and need a hug and a kiss. 
• Do not send your inner kids to their room when they misbehave, they’ll come out angrier and more resentful, listen and help. For example, I used to hate people and I would just walk around giving everyone dirty looks and couldn’t stand leaving my room or my house because ew… people. I talked to my hatred and it opened up to my anger. I found that, since I’ve been bullied and hurt by people all my life, my anger was trying to protect me from being hurt ever again. I thanked the emotion and hugged it and told it that it was OK to be protective and it’s OK to be careful with people but not every apple is a bad apple! Now I’m a bit more open and more smiling and more accepting of others.
• We are all on our own river. Sometimes other boats approach for a while but then a current comes and takes them away and that’s OK. They showed up, did their part, good or bad, and left
• You are in control of how you feel. If a person is angry at you, it’s not your problem, it’s their problem. You can’t control their anger but can control how much you let it affect you. Take the anger and filter it into something positive if you can.
• Let people be, you make mistakes too!
• Everybody is responsible for filling their own backpacks with what they want, if you fill it with flowers it’ll be beautiful and fragrant. If you fill it with rocks, it’ll be heavy and painful.
• You are free but there are consequences! Life gives you what you give it!
• Love comes from the inside out, not the other way around
• Even if you are crying in a Ferrari, you’re still crying

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I shared my struggles with “friends” but they just said “Hang in there” and “Oh yeah just be strong” so I ended up bottling up everything inside.

I am from Mexico, so there is a huge sense of “men don’t cry” here, and a lot of toxic masculinity. I honestly despise this. A man can cry, a man can feel, a man can tell another man “I love you”. That doesn’t mean you’re gonna end up kissing. Due to my past trauma, I’ve grown quite comfortable with my sexuality and I stopped caring about showing my emotions to the world. It’s OK to feel guys!

My parents don’t believe in mental health issues (I was told I’m not depressed, just lazy, cause for my parents I’ve always been lazy).

I have had to battle my demons on my own all my life and it’s very damn tiring since nobody understands and you’re just “that weirdo”. But this has made me a fighter and has made me strong.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You matter, nothing that you’re going through is your fault and it can get better but first, it may get worse (sorry).

You are a miracle of life! You are not as alone, since you’ve got yourself. That is the only sure company you’ll have for the rest of your life so please try and make friends with yourself. It’s a long road, this life, might as well make it a little more pleasant with your passenger, huh?

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz – This book helped me realize that I was living the “dream of the world” and how to cope better with other people.
• The Monk That Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma – This book helped me realize that life is not about things, but about how you live it.
• The Mastery of Love by Miguel Ruiz – A very good book about learning how to love yourself.
• No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz – A good guide that has taught me to see my feelings not as other parts but as little children who need attention, taught me to play with the children and listen to them when they’re upset and angry. Help and love them when they are hurt.
• Music helped me to cover up the horrible reality I was in. It got me through relentless bullying in school, and at home, it got me through break ups, and it got me through the darkness, it has always been my little ray of light and bubble in which I can get lost.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

My username on all my social media is: elgat0verde

I’ve also started a blog where I talk about my experiences, it’s called The Barren Earth Diaries.

I am quite active on Instagram (I post all my favorite albums there), Reddit, and Youtube (I will be uploading music there, maybe some mental health stuff in English).

I also write music about living with BPD and depression. Here is my music on Youtube Music, Spotify, and Bandcamp as well.

Thank you for the support!!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Hitting Rock Bottom Started My Journey of Healing From BPD and Addiction appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi. I am Alison Angold, I live just outside of London in the UK. I work part-time as a teacher, for beauty therapy and teaching children and young adults that cannot be in mainstream education, for various reasons. 

I have been married for almost 20 years, have 2 teenage boys and a cocker spaniel dog, called Winnie!

Despite my struggles with life, I consider myself happy. I consider myself very lucky to have a supportive, and motivating husband, and I love the job that I do. I have times, still, when I feel sad about myself, but they are becoming less and less frequent, as I have slowly learned to accept myself as I am.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have social anxiety, plus a fear of large groups, crowded places, and unknown people and places. While I am a confident person within my work setting, social situations worry me. I find it hard to do ‘small talk’ – in fact, I find this exhausting – and I think that is the problem. I know how to talk to people, and I know what I should be saying and asking, but after a while find it very tiring, and quite simply cannot be bothered!

I believe that I have always had some sort of social anxiety, although it has got worse as I have got older. I recently discovered that I have ASD which definitely helps in understanding why I have this struggle – among others!

Over the years, going out with people I am less familiar with, has become more difficult. My fear of crowded places and claustrophobia added to this and I just started finding everything more difficult.

There was a period of time when I found it very difficult to go out socially for fear of having a panic or anxiety attack. In addition, I always worried what others would think of me if I left earlier, or had obvious panic or anxiety.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

There was a period of time when I felt really worthless with the issues surrounding my social anxiety and panic. I felt miserable if I had to say no to a social event, thinking that I wouldn’t cope well. There is an expectation to love parties, gatherings, and socializing and I couldn’t understand why that couldn’t be me.

There were also times that I would venture out and something would lead to me being panicky and I would go home, again feeling miserable that everyone was still out having a good time. 

My close friends were aware of how I felt and were very understanding, but it was when larger gatherings would occur, that were the hardest. 

I think I really felt the worse of my struggles when my children were in primary school – meeting lots of new mums, there being lots of social gatherings, and various different groups of mums. Very much like in my school days, there was the popular group of mums, who organized everything and always looked like they were having the best times.

Even though I didn’t have the desire to be in the core of that group, I was on the periphery and was jealous that I couldn’t be like them, jealous of my close friends that got invited into the group, and very aware of how different I was, and how hard I found everything.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I tried various therapies over the years but nothing really worked.

What really helped to turn things around, was acceptance that I was different, and slowly learning to not care what other people thought of me. This in itself didn’t ‘cure’ me but it was a revelation to me.

As I have got older, there are still lots of social events going on but I don’t feel the need to be part of everything.

I feel able to pick and choose a lot more of what I attend and where I go. I have accepted that even if I go out for an hour, it is better than sitting at home, feeling upset at myself that I haven’t at least tried to go out. 

Adapting my life to suit my anxiety has also helped; driving myself so that I am in control of when I leave for example. 

If I go out with the thought that I can leave at any time – I don’t care what people think, it makes it much easier to endure, as I haven’t placed any pressure on myself. 

I also believe that most people around me – those that I see on a (semi) regular basis, have now realized that I find things hard, so aren’t surprised when I don’t go, or leave early, etc…

I would say that I have made a 50% improvement in my anxiety struggles, and would say that this is 100% of my own doing; making choices that suit me, and not worrying about what everyone thinks. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Acceptance is an enormous part of dealing with a sort of struggle or anxiety. Fighting against it can be exhausting, frustrating, and upsetting.

Wondering why you are different and why you can’t do or struggle with certain aspects of life, is an uphill battle. We have to accept that we are different. Decide how you are different and deal with that. How are you different from others? What do you struggle with? Are there any adaptations you can make to make things easier – even if it is not considered the norm?

For example, I don’t drink alcohol as that makes my anxiety worse. This also means that I can drive myself and be in control of when I arrive, and when I leave – not having to rely on anyone else. I know that people think that it’s odd that I don’t drink – another thing I have to worry about and explain myself – but if it makes me feel better about everything and allows me to do some things, then I try not to let it worry me. 

What really helped as well, is to let people know how I feel, and what my anxieties are. This means that no one is surprised if I leave a party early or don’t go. I also ensure that I try to see my close friends – those I feel most comfortable with – regularly, in a venue of my choice. This makes me still feel in touch with a social aspect, rather than not going anywhere or seeing anyone. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

My husband and some close friends are aware of how I feel and how I am – at this stage I like people to know so that they have an understanding. I feel more comfortable if people are aware so that nothing seems weird. 

A few years ago I would have felt embarrassed talking about it to people, but with age, this has become easier. I don’t specifically tell people, but I think people that I spend time with more often, have started to realize how I am.

There is no one that I wouldn’t want to talk this about, although I am aware that some find it uncomfortable and don’t understand. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Accept and understand that you deal with things in a different way. Trying to be like everyone else and then failing is even harder on us.

Try to talk to people about your struggles, at least some close friends that you see often, so they can support and understand.

Don’t worry about what other people think of you. Everyone is different and I am certain everyone has something that they worry about themselves. We may worry that people think us weird for leaving a party early and not drinking, but we may think that it’s odd that someone gets blind drunk and stays out till 3 am at the age of 40!

You wouldn’t judge someone for being a bit different or dealing with things in another way, so don’t automatically think that people are judging you.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Admittedly no specific books etc, but what I have found has helped is to have activities to occupy me at home. Having other interests ensures that if I am struggling, I can keep busy, doing things I enjoy and being creative.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

My website doesn’t advertise my struggles, but it is something I created to use my creativity for good – it fills in my time, while I am home – choosing not to go out – and ensures that I always have an activity to occupy me. I’d love you to take a look. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I’m Managing My Social Anxiety by Being Open About It & Accepting Myself appeared first on Tracking Happiness.