Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello, I’m Jonathan, and I live in Rochester, NY. I’ve lived in the Rochester area my entire life. 

I work as a consultant for Non-Profit organizations. I’ve been in IT for most of my adult life. I turned to consulting when I realized I could help more than just one organization at a time and share my knowledge to help them meet their goals. 

I’ve been married for 14 years, we have 2 children together. 2 dogs, and 1 cat. My wife and I met when we were both 21, we fell in love almost immediately and have been each other’s best friend since. 

I’ve had many passions over the course of my adult life, currently I love playing Ultimate Frisbee and working on my classic Mustang. 

I do consider myself to be happy. I’ve always had a positive outlook on life, I would definitely say I’m an optimist. I always look at the silver linings in things. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 4th grade. The book on me was that I was a smart kid, but couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and was constantly being disruptive.

I struggle with impulsivity, poor memory, and hyper-focusing. I’m sure there are a few other symptoms, but those are the ones that affect me day to day. 

Shortly after being diagnosed, I began medication which definitely helped with school-related matters. At the time ADHD came with a bit of stigma, nobody really knew about it and everyone wanted to know why I had to go to the nurse every day to take medication.

I began to really hate taking medication, and by the time I reached 7th grade I had matured a lot, and my outward hyperactivity had subsided quite a bit.

My parents believed that I had “Outgrown” my ADHD and asked me if I still wanted to take my medication. Obviously, I said “No”.. and for the rest of high school, I went unmedicated. 

Unfortunately, my grades suffered and throughout high school, I struggled. I failed my French class in 8th grade and had to stay back the next year. I failed math 3 different times and had to go to summer school each time.

Because I always struggled with school, I was academically ineligible to do any type of sports or extracurriculars. The only sport I could do was football, and because it was in the fall, I could participate before the first marking period was over and my grades prevented me. 

I barely graduated, I needed to pass French in order to do so. I got 67 on the final to graduate with a Regents diploma. 

I had no plans for after high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or be. My parents pushed for me to attend the local community college where I could figure out a career.

I thought I wanted to be on TV or Radio, so I majored in communications. I joined the campus radio station where I made lifelong friendships. Through those friendships, I met my wife and started a career in Radio. 

After dating my wife for 6 months, we got pregnant. I was barely 21, and now I was staring down the barrel of fatherhood. I managed to secure a full-time albeit very low-paying job at the local radio station.

I had interned there initially and had made a good enough impression to get a morning show position that allowed me to make enough money to pay rent. 

6 months after my son was born, my morning show position was phased out and I was laid off. 

Here I was, 22 years old, unemployed, with a 6-month-old baby boy. I remember sitting in the bathroom of my apartment just crying. How was I going to take care of my wife and baby? I didn’t have any schooling or experience. 

ADHD contributed to some of these experiences. It’s like the devil on your shoulder telling you to do something when you are not sure. Impulsivity and poor memory made it almost impossible to finish school, and when I met my friends at the radio station, I became hyper-focused about that and only that. That’s what my career was going to be, that’s all that mattered. When that all came crashing down, I needed to reassess and really think about what it was I wanted to do. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

ADHD has been like an anchor for most of my life. Every day I have to fight. It’s also really hard for others to feel any type of sympathy. For the longest time, my wife couldn’t understand how I could forget things so easily.

It wasn’t until my son was also diagnosed with ADHD and she talked to his doctors that she really grasped how much of our day-to-day life is affected by ADHD. 

ADHD doesn’t display itself as a physical disability. Most people with ADHD appear and function as typical adults in most settings. I was very concerned about the social stigma left over from high school, so I never spoke of it and generally ignored it. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

After getting laid off, I changed careers to IT and have been working different entry-level service-related desktop/help desk positions. The work was steady but paid barely enough. I was bored all the time.

The work was slow enough that my ADHD didn’t really get in the way. I wanted to get a better job, and there were opportunities. But I believed I wouldn’t be capable with my skills. 

I finally came to grips that if I ever wanted to succeed, I would need to acknowledge my ADHD and get help. This was around the same time my son was diagnosed, and we started treating him. I talked to my doctor and started taking medication again.

After a few weeks, I noticed a difference. I was finishing tasks, I was proactive and productive. I felt good about being able to complete something without waiting till the last minute. 

I remember talking to a coworker about college, and he recommended an online school that allowed me to work at my own pace. I could go as fast or as slow as I wanted. I realized that I would only ever get where I wanted to go if I finished school. 

After talking with my wife, I decided to go for it and I enrolled. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

After acknowledging my ADHD I started developing strategies that allowed me to cope and work around and with it. I learned that my channel-changing brain was a caged animal: If I tried to ignore it, it would get angry and break out of its cage. But, if I fed it once in a while, it would be easier to control.

If I need to complete a task by noon and it’s 9 am. I would get that task done as soon as possible. Even if the task is only a 20-minute task, I start it. I know that at some point through that task, my caged animal brain is going to want to be fed, so I feed it.

I’ll get to a good point in my task and allow myself to browse the internet or zone out. Then I come back to that task and finish it. By being proactive in feeding my animal, I can control it in a way. 

The hardest part of that is starting the task. There isn’t a trick for this, only that promise of completing that task. Which is a drug for me. I learned that I love completing tasks.

The feeling of finishing something that was hard and difficult gives me great joy. Eventually, it gets easier and easier the more you do it. 

Another strategy I learned was how to work around my poor memory. ADHD doesn’t actually hurt your memory, it’s just that your brain is changing channels so much that you don’t have a chance to commit what you want to do to your short-term memory.

I use the channel-changing metaphor because that’s the best way to explain it. Imagine quickly switching between 10 different channels. Spend a half-second on each channel.

Now, once you are at channel 10 stop and try to remember what you saw on channel 2. There’s a good chance you won’t remember or have a very vague idea of what it was. 

So what I learned was that, If I need to remember what is on channel 2 at 8:30 every day. I would always go to channel 2 first. Always do the same thing. My morning routine is always the same. I get up > shower> get dressed > take pills > make coffee > feed the dogs. 

It gets much more granular than that, but the idea is, the more you do something the more it becomes a habit and committed to routines. There will be less reliance on memory. I know on days when that routine or habit gets disrupted, all my old issues come flooding back.

This happens a lot when I go on vacation or travel for work. I can’t tell you how many times I forgot to take my medication when I was traveling for work. 

And lastly, I’m no longer ashamed of ADHD. I own it, it’s part of me, and what makes me who I am. I’ve learned that my impulsivity allows me to have a quick wit.

I have a great sense of humor so this can benefit quite a bit. I’m honest with co-workers I trust, I tell them that I’ve struggled with ADHD my entire life.

Multiple times, I’ve had co-workers tell me they’ve also struggled with ADHD and we both commiserate and share tactics we’ve both learned. I’ve also talked with employers about accommodations for my ADHD. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Obviously, my wife and family members know, but it’s hard to share my ADHD with people I don’t trust. The stigma is nowhere near what it used to be, but it’s still there in varying degrees. 

When I make close work relationships, I like to open up about my ADHD so they have some understanding of what it is I’m dealing with. That can make working together a little easier. 

It’s definitely not something I share openly. Only when it can come into play. My social friends don’t need to know, because they are not depending on me to do their job. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

It’s ok, everyone has their own stuff to deal with. The sooner you accept it the better off you will be and can start making a plan. There isn’t a cure, but you can live a successful life with ADHD. ADHD can be a superpower in some areas. Being able to hyper-focus on something is very useful if applied correctly.

Don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor about medication options. 

There are tons of resources available for ADHD than there used to be. I grew up in a time when there were only 2 drug options and no extended-release. Now there are dozens of different drugs, and some non-stimulant options as well. 

Figure out what about ADHD holds you back. Is it the memory? Are you bad with money? Start putting guidelines around that issue. I used to overdraw my checking account at least once a month.

It got to the point where I decided I wasn’t going to use a debit card anymore because I couldn’t remember what I purchased. This was an extreme guardrail, but it was necessary for me to start learning and developing a strategy.

Now, I use a credit card for all of my bills. I have a very low limit on it, and I pay for everything using it. Then once I get paid, I only pay my credit card and don’t have to worry about overdrawing my account. (some banks no longer have fees, so that’s an option too) 

The point is to start breaking down each issue by its root cause, and focus on what you can do extreme or not, to control that root cause. Your ally is going to be repetition and success. Focus on little wins, and snowball it. 

If you are always late for work, ask yourself what is causing me to be late? Are you waking up too late? Are you doing too much in the morning before getting ready?

Break it down to the things you need to do to get ready. If you only shower and get dressed, and you’re still late, maybe you need to get up earlier. If it’s not that straightforward, it might be beneficial to talk to your boss and confide in them about your struggles and come up with a plan.

Employers are much more likely to work with you if you acknowledge the issue. Either way, develop a strategy and keep refining it. Start somewhere. 

One last piece of advice is don’t ignore exercise. Without going into the obvious benefits of exercise, I’ve learned that it helps settle the caged animal. Every night I take both of my dogs for a walk around the block.

During that time, I listen to a podcast and forget about everything. It’s a good way to recharge and decompress after work. I also try to get to the gym before work a few times a week.

I know this is a tough one, but the days I go to the gym before work I’m a lot more productive than the days I don’t. Sports are a great way to get in exercise without it feeling like “Work” 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Ha, I find this funny, because reading is probably the hardest thing for me to do with ADHD. I can’t concentrate long enough to follow along. I do listen to tons of podcasts, either about sports, or my hobbies. I love audiobooks because I can let my imagination do the work. 

Definitely check out /r/ADHD. It’s a great resource to learn and share about your experience. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge and comfort knowing that it’s not just me with struggles. It also gives me a great perspective that some folks are having a harder time than me. 

Also, the “rules for life” post on Reddit was a real help for me as well. It’s not necessarily geared for folks with ADHD, but it applies. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can reach out to me on LinkedIn!

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I don’t claim to be an expert, I don’t have a psychology degree. But I do know that it’s possible to be happy with ADHD. Granted, everyone’s experience with ADHD is going to be unique.

I recognize that their life experience may be totally different than mine. But I know if somebody had guided me and given me some tips when I was in 7th grade, I would have avoided a lot of struggles. 

I’ve learned being a parent with ADHD and having a child with ADHD, that I inherently learned to do things without actively trying. When my son would struggle with similar things that I struggled with, I would put my present self in that situation, and I would immediately turn to the strategies that I’ve developed over the course of my life.

14-year-old me, didn’t have the experience and struggles yet, but 40-year-old me did. That’s when I realized that for me there were a few base tenants that contribute to being happy and living with ADHD. 

• Strategies to overcome the daily struggles; E.g. Routines, Feed the Caged Animal. 
• Acknowledgement that you learn differently and may need help; E.g. talk to Dr, medication, confide in trusted co-workers/friends
• Confidence in yourself to do the job. Just because you don’t learn in a straight line, doesn’t mean you can’t. That can give you the opportunity to think outside the box or bring creativity into the equation. 
• Be open and ever-evolving. What worked today, may not work tomorrow. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Confronting The Stigma around My ADHD and Embracing It to Reinvent Myself appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello! I’m Heythem. I hold a Psychology degree and am deeply passionate about martial arts. This combination fuels my blog, exploring the intersections of mental and physical health.

My home is in Trier, Germany, where I grew up. However, my love for travel often takes me around the globe, and I share these adventures on my blog.

Besides my dedication to writing and studying, I’m a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practitioner. Whether at home in Trier or exploring new corners of the world, I’m always engaged in writing, studying, traveling, and doing Jiu-Jitsu.

It took me a long to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Now I feel I got it, and that keeps me motivated and confident for the future. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

A few years ago, when I started going to University, I felt lost. I had a hard time integrating with the new environment. Looking back I can say that my experience with social anxiety and depressive symptoms started there. Although I believe I wouldn’t have been officially diagnosed with these disorders, I experienced many symptoms. 

It started in 2019 when I began university in Luxembourg after spending some time traveling in Australia and Asia post-high school. As an Iraqi immigrant in Germany, I often struggled to fit in, and this feeling intensified when I returned to start my studies.

Initially, I was motivated to be part of the new environment, but inside, I felt out of place. I remember how exhausting it was to maintain a persona just to be liked. Over time, this constant effort began to wear me down. 

I started avoiding social situations and isolating myself. My self-esteem plummeted, and I often felt inferior to others in every pursuit. In social settings, I’d stutter and speak too fast, a big contrast to my usual self. My energy levels dropped; I slept a lot and lost interest in activities I once enjoyed.

This internal struggle was a new experience for me. Before university, people perceived me as social and happy, but the reality was quite different internally.

The past traumas of not fitting in came back, and the feeling of being an outsider crept up, leaving me feeling like I did in high school. It was gradual, from trying hard to fit into avoiding most social interactions altogether. 

It’s funny looking back. I left Germany after High school because I wanted to escape my troubles. And I did so eventually during my travels. 

But this is not how it works with problems. They don’t just leave you alone if you don’t confront from. I came back to my usual environment and the same issues came back again. 

So the first lesson I learned is to confront my issues. To look at the things I don’t want to look at. Because eventually, they will catch up on me. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

This struggle affected my happiness and well-being. Inside, I felt empty and numb. This wasn’t just a fleeting feeling but a constant state that made every day dull. 

I used to smile often, but that started to fade away.

What made this struggle worse was my lack of awareness about what I was going through. For a long time, I didn’t realize that the feelings I was experiencing were symptoms of anxiety and depression. I would rationalize avoiding social events or changing interests as normal shifts in mood or preference. 

I just thought I was too lazy or that I had better things to do. It’s fascinating to me to look back and see that I was not willing to see what was right in front of me. I was willing to be blind about my problems. I’d look away and find excuses for my behaviors. 

Because of this, the people around me were unaware of my internal struggles. They didn’t know because I hadn’t fully grasped it until later in my studies.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I hit rock bottom beginning of 2022. My girlfriend and I broke up. The only person who I was actually letting close to me. Looking back I can see that I wasn’t fair toward her. I’d let my frustration and anger out on her.

She wanted to be there for me but I’d push her away and drain myself in self-sorrow. That breakup left me feeling depressed and unwilling to interact with anyone. But hitting this low point was a wake-up call. I knew then that I needed to change something.

I knew that my life wasn’t heading where I wanted it to. 

When I started University I remember arriving at university filled with ambition, motivation, and a lust for life, but three years later, I was completely drained. This needed to change. I needed to take responsibility.

This realization led me to take a new direction. I had always been interested in MMA but never pursued it. There was this MMA gym I passed every day, just a five-minute walk from my place. I finally decided to give it a try. And it changed everything for me. 

I became obsessed with training, going 5-6 times a week. It was more than just physical activity; it was my escape, my therapy. It calmed me and reignited feelings I thought I had lost. I found a new ambition and drive in MMA. 

Within a month or two of starting, I began socializing again, attending events, and even going out for drinks. I was engaging with the world again.

The funny thing is, the MMA Gym was always right there. I passed it every day, thinking that I’ll go inside one day. It took me 3 years. 

I had to hit rock bottom first. It’s true that sometimes things need to get unbearable before we change something.

Looking back, I see a clear divide in my life: the time before MMA and the time after. The difference is huge. Starting MMA marked the beginning of a significant change, a shift in my life’s direction.

Ironically my girlfriend leaving me was the best thing that happened to me. It was the lowest point in my life. I felt like I lost everything at that moment. It made me get up and change my life.

So whenever I face a challenge now I think of this low point in my life. Now I know that challenges come into our lives to teach us something. That’s life’s way of talking to us. It’s leading us to something better. Dark times are our teacher. We just need to listen. And I wasn’t willing to for a long time. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Overcoming symptoms of depression and anxiety isn’t easy, obviously. For me, the first step was recognizing that I was experiencing these symptoms. This took some time and self-reflection.

In therapy, this is always the first step: Realization. If we are blind about our struggles, no healing will come. 

I had to sit down and honestly ask myself questions like, “Am I avoiding going out because I’m lazy or because I’m anxious?” and “Do I feel tired more often than usual?”, “Where did my drive and motivation go?”, “Why do I have so much resistance toward social gatherings?”.

I still remember the first time I considered that I may suffer from anxiety. I never thought of myself as an anxious guy. But that’s the tricky part about anxiety. It’s not always obvious. It can hide itself behind laziness, resistance, jealousy, and apathy. This realization was huge for me. 

Once I acknowledged these feelings, the next challenge was to take action, which is the last thing you feel like doing when you’re depressed or anxious. However, I learned that inactivity often fuels these symptoms. My body was practically screaming for physical activity. 

I felt a significant shift when I started giving it what it needed through MMA training. I became more confident and energetic. Alongside physical activity, eating healthier and treating my body well made a huge difference. It responded by being calmer and more resilient.

Of course, this doesn’t always help when you are stuck in depression. But now, whenever somebody tells me that they are depressed, my first question is always: Are you moving your body? I’m amazed how many of us avoid this step. 

Our bodies are designed to move. It doesn’t work properly if it’s inactive. And an unhealthy body means an unhealthy mind.

I also made a conscious effort to step out of my comfort zone. Knowing now that I had anxiety, I wanted to gradually expose myself to situations that triggered it. For example, I went to a pub where a friend was DJing, even though many of my university colleagues were there. 

It was tough, but I did it. I also participated in poetry slams, initiated lunch plans with peers at uni, and more. Each small step was a victory for me.

This process of realization, observation, and action made everything more manageable. I started to watch my emotions instead of being consumed by them.

With time, the symptoms of depression and anxiety didn’t disappear, but I became better at handling them. They are still part of my life, but now, they are under my control.

I see them now. I can spot them once they come up. So now it’s easier for me to let go of them.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

When I came to terms with my struggles, I chose to be open about them with my close friends. Reconnecting with many of them, I shared what was happening in my mind. This openness brought us closer, and their understanding and support were helpful. 

I also sought help from the university counselor, who assisted students with mental health issues. These conversations were also very valuable to me.

Talking about my struggles openly made the process of dealing with them much easier. Interestingly, when I shared my experiences, some of my friends began to reflect on their own mental health, wondering if they were facing similar challenges. This sharing helped me and opened a door for others to consider their own mental well-being.

There’s a saying that says: “The most personal experiences are the most universal ones”. That’s why it’s so important that we share our personal struggles with other people. Not only will it help us, but it will also help others to see their own struggles. 

But I understand that like physical activity, talking about our issues is not at all what we want to do when we struggle. It’s because talking about it will make it real. But in order to heal we need to make it real first. We need to face it. Share it. Confront it.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Move your body and look at the things you don’t want to look at. 

My piece of advice for anyone struggling with depression or anxiety is to move your body as much as you can. It might sound simple, but it’s incredibly effective.

Physical activity calms the mind, creating a clearer state to confront and address your problems. It’s a common tendency to do the opposite when we’re depressed: lying in bed, staying inactive. But it’s crucial to break this cycle.

I urge you to force yourself to get up and engage in any physical activity you enjoy. It could be a walk, a bike ride, or a visit to the gym. The key is to get out of your home and move.

For me, this approach worked wonders. It’s a proactive step that can make a significant difference in how you feel and handle your mental health struggles.

But that’s often not enough. In our lowest states, we don’t feel like doing anything. We want to be blind and just look away. But this will make it worse. We need to take responsibility and make an effort to look inside.

I will leave you with a quote from Carl Jung that stuck with me and I think holds true: What you most need will be found where you least want to look”

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer: This book was transformative for me. It taught me that the thoughts in my head aren’t who I am. Through his teachings, I learned to be present and to observe my emotions rather than being consumed by them.

It helped me understand myself better and see my anxiety and depression as entities separate from my core self. It was empowering to recognize that these symptoms are not an intrinsic part of me and that I can overcome them. This book is a powerful resource for anyone seeking insight into their inner self.

Works of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung

Also, talks and writings of Freud and Jung offered me a deep dive into psychodynamic theories. Their belief that healing comes from understanding one’s psyche resonated with me. They emphasize the importance of diving into our past and facing aspects of ourselves we might be reluctant to confront.

Their insights were crucial in helping me understand the roots of my struggles. As Freud and Jung advocate, this understanding is the first and most crucial step toward healing. Their works are a treasure trove for anyone seeking to explore the depths of their psyche and find pathways to healing.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

If you’re interested in reading more about my work, especially on mental and physical health, MMA, and supplementation, feel free to visit my website at heythemnaji.com. I regularly share insights and experiences there, focusing on these topics.

Also, I’m always open to connecting with new people and engaging in meaningful conversations. If you’d like to reach out, please don’t hesitate. You can contact me through my Instagram or LinkedIn.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Overcoming Social Anxiety and Depression Through MMA Training and Self-Realization appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Tatyana Frost and I live in Manchester New Hampshire. I work in social work and have worked as a clinical mental health case manager, but recently accepted a new position as an inpatient mental health counselor.

It can be a challenge to work in mental health while struggling with your own, but it has provided me with copious amounts of perspective and knowledge which not only allows me to help others, but also myself.

I am currently engaged to my amazing partner and we are planning our wedding for October of next year. We have two kitty cats together, Kimchi and Frittata and they are my whole world!

Most days I would say I consider myself to be satisfied and pleased with my life, but I would say this is a fairly recent development. I have always struggled with what I call my “deep down sadness” which often interrupts my ability to feel secure and joyful in life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I began to struggle with my mental health when I was really young. I’ve kept diaries my whole life and the first record I have of wanting to kill myself was when I was about 9 years old.

I have a trauma history dating back to before I could speak when I was taken out of my home in Ulyanovsk, Russia due to neglect and suspected abuse.

I was adopted by my new family when I was about 3 years old and taken to the States. I struggled with being adopted a lot; I felt like I was an unwanted, unlovable, and undeserving child.

My adoptive family provided me with a great life but could be very emotionally, verbally, and at times physically abusive. I grew up chronically invalidated and gaslit, being told that my feelings were unimportant or wrong.

My mother made me feel as though nothing I did was ever enough to please her and pushed shame onto me when she was feeling insecure. I always felt as though I was responsible for my parent’s inability to manage their emotions and that I was the problem. 

As a teenager, my depression worsened but I struggled to speak up since mental health was a taboo topic of discussion in my family. Besides, at the time I thought that everyone was feeling the way I did inside.

That was when I began self-harming for the first time. I had heard about it and thought that since that’s what others did to feel better, it would make me feel better too. Self-harming became a regular coping skill I would utilize whenever my mom and I would fight, which was often.

My first episode of mania was when I was about 17. I had never been manic before, and my naturally hyperactive personality created an easy-to-wear mask for this symptom.

I began staying up for days, experiencing rapid speech, and most notably, delusions and paranoia. I would hide when I thought there were people watching me outside, and at one point believed I could fly.

The delusions got worse as the mania increased, but seemingly out of nowhere, the mania would turn into severe depression. I struggled to get out of bed and watched myself fail a test for the first time. These vicious cycles went on uninterrupted for months, causing daily struggles.

I tried to talk to my mom about what was going on, but she told me that I was just lonely and my iron was low. She refused to let me see a therapist and eventually, my school counselor had to step in for me to get any help. 

The summer before my senior year I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital for suicidal ideation with plan, means, and intent. After about a one-month stay I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type 1 with psychotic features.

I was hospitalized two times again after that, the second time for symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and the third time for symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I was assaulted in February of 2023 by my self-defense instructor and it made my BPD and PTSD symptoms significantly worse than they had been in a very long time.

Almost daily I would have horrible nightmares, flashbacks, episodes of dissociation, and blind rage where I would self-harm and damage things in my home. It became very scary and overwhelming for my partner to see me going through something that neither he nor I knew how to control.

More than anything impacted my ability to work as a mental health professional. I had to reduce from full-time to part-time at work which caused even more internal shame. 

These days my Bipolar Disorder is mainly managed through medication which I take daily. I still experience minor episodes of mania and depression but not to the same extreme as without my medication.

My BPD and PTSD symptoms are still a daily struggle, but my weekly sessions with a trauma therapist doing Internal Family Systems (IFS), Eye Movement Rapid Desensitization (EMDR), and Polyvagal Theory help to keep some of my symptoms in check. I still struggle daily with emotional dysregulation and occasional dissociative symptoms. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Before my diagnosis, these illnesses provided me with nothing but confusion and stigma. I knew something was wrong, but didn’t know what. It was draining to be fighting an illness with no support, and felt defeated for every day was a challenge that felt impossible to win.

I think I did try to hide it in the beginning because I was in denial myself, but eventually, I knew that hiding it was only hurting me. I was rejected by my family when I reached out for support, and that only caused more internal shame. I felt alone and depressed simply knowing that others were not seeing my struggle and not listening to my desperate cries for help.

When I was eventually diagnosed, I had to grieve the life I thought I would have. After each of my diagnoses, I felt as though my life would never be what I always imagined it to be. And in a lot of ways, it wasn’t.

In a lot of ways, it was better. My diagnosis gave my healthcare providers and myself direction for my treatment. In 2022 I was in a place of maintenance with my treatment. 

After being assaulted in February 2023 I felt like a completely different person. My symptoms of PTSD and BPD were completely unmanageable. I felt like a completely different person and had no idea how to go through life.

These struggles were very obvious to my fiancé, but neither of us knew what to do about it. These symptoms I could not hide no matter how badly I wanted to. When I wasn’t working I was self-medicating, and even at work there were many times where I broke down emotionally.

I felt a lot of pressure from myself to hide these symptoms, to pretend as if that event didn’t change me. Even now, I haven’t completely processed it and still feel as though I haven’t gotten myself back. 

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I think the first time that I noticed things turning around was probably when I went to college. For the first time, I was able to find myself away from the judgment and control of my parents.

I had taken control over aspects of my life that I had, up until that point, felt uncontrollable: my eating, my routine, and exercise, and my social circles. All of which positively impacted my mental health. I would say 70% of circumstances and 30% of actions resulted in the bettering of my mental health.

However, it wasn’t perfect, and I quickly learned that relapse is a part of recovery. During my second semester in college, I was hospitalized again and that stay was another turning point for me.

Each hospitalization taught me something new and reminded me that improving your mental health is a lifelong project. I had a few months period of stability before COVID hit and I had to move back into my parents’ house.

After moving back in with my parents, I learned that living in that toxic environment took a huge toll on my mental health and I decided to move out and into my aunt’s house. This was another time in my life where I had relapsed in my mental health symptoms and it took me months to get to a more stable place. 

After about a year of living with my aunt and desperately trying to salvage my relationship with my parents, I moved to New Hampshire with my then-boyfriend, now fiance’, in 2021.

I really struggled with that transition and my relationship with my parents since moving out was still extremely strained. I once again fell back into unhealthy habits and patterns – self-medicating, isolating, self-harming. It wasn’t until a year after moving to New Hampshire that I felt as though I found my footing.

A combination of medication, time, regular exercise, and intentional efforts in therapy brought me to a place of maintenance with my mental health struggles. My mental health has continued to have ups and downs since then, especially after my assault in February of this year.

It spent several months living in a reactive state after the assault and struggling to get back to a place of good physical and mental health. I am still recovering from that experience and I know that I will throughout the rest of my life have consistent periods of relapse and recovery – but to think that recovery is simple and happens all at once would be naive. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Over the years there have been countless things I have learned from my mental health treatment. One of the biggest things that has continued to help me along my journey with mental health is education.

After being diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD, and PTSD the first thing I would always do is buy a book, watch a video, read an article, etc. Working in the field now and being an advocate online, this is the first thing I always recommend people do after any diagnosis.

It’s hard to help yourself or know what you need without understanding first what beat you’re dealing with. It can be helpful to look at the DSM 5 diagnostic criteria, however, I personally think it’s more helpful to read testimonials and find people online or in your own life with the same diagnosis.

Keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different, even if you have the same diagnosis. When I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, I loved Kay Redfield Jamison’s memoir An Unquiet Mind. That particular author has written a couple of books on the subject and as a psychologist herself shares her story very openly.

To this day, it is my favorite memoir of someone with Bipolar 1. I spent a lot of time watching educational documentaries and first-hand accounts of others with the same diagnosis. It helped me to feel less alone and also to educate myself.

After my BPD diagnosis, I really struggled to understand what BPD was and how it impacted me. The book, I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me provided me with the diagnostic criteria, case studies, and tips and tricks for managing my symptoms.

The value in doing this is not only so that you yourself know what you’re dealing with, but also so that you can help others in your life better understand. 

One of the best things I did for my Bipolar Disorder was to track my symptoms and episodes. I used the eMoods app for this. I started doing it after being given the suggestion myself and found that it was invaluably helpful.

Once I began tracking my symptoms in relation to sleep, irritability, mania, depression, whether I took my meds, and whether I had therapy, it helped me see my own cycles.

Not only did it give me an idea of when I would cycle into a depression or mania and how long it would last, but it also was helpful to share with my providers so that they knew what was coming and how they could help me.

I learned that my cycles usually last about a month or so and that not sleeping or taking my meds can be a huge trigger. In the app, I was also able to add notes. I would track my self-harming habits, whether I was menstruating, or if there were any additional psychological stressors going on at the time. 

I also found that having routines did wonders. A consistent sleep and exercise routine kept me on a positive track with my symptoms. Sleep has always been a huge trigger for me – without sleep, I am more likely to enter a manic episode.

Working a job kept me on a stable sleep routine and also gave me a daily routine to adhere to. Exercise has always been something I have struggled with but once I found a way to exercise that was good for me, it was amazing how it lifted my energy and self-confidence.

I have always found that yoga was a great practice for me as it has a mind and body effect to it. Outlets for your daily stressors that can also better your physical health can be an important part of mental wellness.

However, for those who don’t like exercising, having any outlet is helpful. I also like to unleash my creativity through music, art, journaling, and theater. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

In the beginning, I held a lot of inner shame and stigma about my diagnosis. I had a hard time talking to those who I knew were not understanding, such as family members.

However, I have always cared about being the change you want to see in the world. After my first hospitalization at 17, I returned to high school late that summer due to being in treatment. It was a tradition at my school to share a presentation about how your summer went and what you did.

I spent most of my summer in a mental hospital recovering from severe depression and mania. I felt very conflicted about sharing this, and for a while, I tried to decide if I would instead create an elaborate lie for my presentation. No one in my school knew, and I wasn’t sure I wanted them to.

After an internal battle for a few weeks, I made the decision to share my hospital experience in the presentation. I realized that the shame and stigma I felt were residue of the stigma that society told me I should be feeling, and I wanted to do better. I focused my entire presentation on my hospital stay, and while I didn’t go into too many details, I was proud of myself for not adding to the shame. 

It was hard in the beginning, and I had experiences where I thought I was safe to share and ended up realizing I wasn’t. There was a girl I met at a pre-college event that I told about my diagnosis and I ended up regretting her response which was shrouded in miseducation.

She told me that she, too, had mood swings and maybe she was Bipolar. It made me feel as though she wasn’t taking it seriously and invalidated the very real symptoms I was experiencing.

Mood swings are a normal part of life that everyone has. Bipolar Disorder is more than mood swings. While I have always cared about advocacy, I also recognized that I am not responsible for educating everyone in the world; I am not the sole spokesperson for the illness, and I wasn’t open with everyone even when I wished I could be.

Later in life I started casually dating a guy who I planned to tell about my diagnosis, but ended up changing my mind when he shared previous negative experiences with someone in his life who also had Bipolar.

I wonder now if it would have been okay, but at the time I was worried that his negative point of view on the illness would have a ripple effect on me. I never told him and didn’t end up seeing him anymore after that. 

As someone who works full-time, it was always a challenge to decide whether I should or shouldn’t share my disorders with my employers and colleagues at work.

So far, I have. The biggest reason is that I have had numerous times in my life where I have had to take time off of work and school in order to focus on my mental health. I am also fortunate to work in the mental health system and have had very understanding and non-judgmental coworkers.

I am always the most worried about sharing my BPD diagnosis since, out of them all, that one tends to have the harshest stigma. At this point, I have not had a boss or coworker who has been unkind about my struggles, and my current boss has been very receptive to my limitations at work.

In these ways, I am very lucky, as I know this is not everyone’s experience. Whether I do or don’t decide to share my disorder with my workplace, I always check the box during hiring that inquires about disabilities, as mental health disorders such as Bipolar and BPD are considered such.  

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Something that I wish I had known earlier in my mental health journey is that my mental illness does not need to define me. Looking back, I see now that while I was processing and educating myself on my Bipolar diagnosis, I overidentified with the label.

I let it become too much of me and who I thought I was. While this is controversial in the mental health world and everyone has their own preferences, I stopped using the phrase “I am Bipolar/BPD” and instead I say, “I have…” I did this when I noticed how overidentifying with my diagnosis was hindering rather than helping me.

No one would say you are PTSD or you are Cancer. It helped me remember that my mental illnesses are a part of me, not who I am. I am so much more than what label I have been given. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• An Unquiet Mind – Kay Redfield Jamison: Helped me to understand my disorder, see that I am not alone, and showed me that having a mental illness makes me even better equipped to be a mental health professional. 
• I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality – Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus: Provided me with an education and understanding of what BPD is, how it develops, and how I can cope with it. This is also a book I would recommend to anyone who has a loved one with this disorder. After I read it, I asked my fiance to do so as well. 
• The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel Van Der Kolk: While this book should have been updated since its release, it is still a cult classic in understanding PTSD and BPD. It is very written in a very digestible format and I always recommend it to my clients with PTSD. It helped me to understand how PTSD impacts me and treatments that can help, such as EMDR. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can learn more about me on Instagram @havingbipolar. There you will find access to the podcasts I have spoken on and my own self-help book I wrote about a year ago designed for those with Bipolar Disorder. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Finding My Way Through Bipolar, BPD, and PTSD With Therapy and Medication appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m Sharanya Ramakrishnan, a 31-year-old woman living in Seattle, USA with my wonderful fiance and our 3-year-old Siberian Husky boy, Archer.

I work for Amazon Web Services as a Senior Tech Product Manager. I moved to the United States in 2016, to pursue my Master’s degree and have lived here since, building my career in tech, like so many others.

I grew up thousands of miles away in Bangalore, India, with doting parents whose lives revolved (and still do, to be honest) around my younger sister and me. They both worked very hard to provide us with all the opportunities we could ask for.

My dad has always been my biggest cheerleader. In his mind – there’s nothing his daughter can’t achieve if she wants to. My mother has been an absolute inspiration – though her education was cut shorter than she’d have liked, she used her thirst for knowledge to build a career she absolutely loved. Growing up, my sister and I had our love-hate phases but now, she is my person. I can’t imagine life without her. 

I feel grateful to live in the Pacific Northwest because I get to enjoy the great outdoors. I spend my weekends hiking, reading, volunteering, and exploring Seattle neighborhoods on long walks with my dog.

Archer and I welcomed my fiance into our lives about 2 years ago. I treasure the little moments we spend together as a family. They’re the ones who keep me going through life’s good and bad days.

When someone asks me, “Are you happy?”, I often say that I definitely am, based on my definition of happiness. I’ve realized that for me, happiness is being at peace mentally.

Having gone from a cheerful, easy-going yet ambitious young woman in her early 20s to an anxious, self-critical adult with low self-confidence in her late 20s to my present self now, I can say that I am grateful, therefore I am happy. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

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What is your struggle and when did it start?

My struggle with Anxiety and Depression started with a mini-panic attack in early 2017. While it continued with minor instances, I hit my worst phase in late 2020 and struggled through most of 2021.

I was officially diagnosed with Clinical Depression in early 2022 and have been on antidepressants since October 2022. Yes, it sounds like a calendar of events, Depression milestones of sorts.

But what most people may not understand is that you never know when you’re going to have a panic attack. You never know when you’re going to wake up next with a horrible knot in your stomach, not wanting to leave your bed because that means your day has begun.

You, like me, may not even realize you’re HAVING a panic attack the first time. I still have the image etched in my mind. It was during my Masters and I had an assignment due in 6 hours. Simple, easy one which would probably take me an hour to complete.

But, for whatever reason, I sat there on my chair, feeling my hands and feet get very cold. I was scared but couldn’t logically explain why. It felt like I froze, mentally. I was numb.

Since then, I’ve had panic attacks ranging from cold hands and feet to lying on the floor crying my eyes out as a knot in my chest grew bigger and left me gasping, unable to breathe. But these are instances.

The part that was hardest to deal with was waking up every day, for months, going through your day, and doing the bare minimum. Because I just could not find a reason to do anything. I did not have the energy to live my life and that crushed me the most. 

Until I planned to leave home and move to the United States, life was a very balanced game of effort and reward. I worked hard in school, was consistently among the top students, and reaped my rewards in terms of appreciation and awards, job offers, etc.

The first blow was when I walked up confidently for my F1 student visa interview, with stellar grades and an admission to a University ranked among the top 5 in the US for my course, only to be rejected without any explanation.

This hit me hard. I’d done everything academically to stay on the path I’d dreamed of and convinced my parents, who had second thoughts about me living all alone in a new country so I was mentally preparing myself for the upcoming new chapter in life.

I managed to re-apply for my Visa and make it the same year to grad school. But, this was the first time in my life when I learned that it isn’t always an effort = reward game. 

Fast forward a few years, a few more life lessons but mostly a good life overall, and then came the time when all our lives came to a standstill. The Pandemic of 2020.

What started off as a week of working from home, while visiting my then (now ex) fiance was the beginning of the darkest phase of my depression. In 2020, I got stuck in Seattle for months, away from my home in the Bay Area where I was working then.

Coincidentally, I ended up interviewing and landing an offer with AWS and decided to move cities in mid-2020. So, I left behind the place that felt closest to home since my time in the US, the Bay Area, and all my friends.

I moved to Seattle, a city where I barely knew anyone, thinking it might be a good time to live with my fiance before getting married in November 2020. 

So, we started living together and I began my journey at AWS with an overdose of anxiety and imposter syndrome in July 2020. I let my love for dogs overrule my practicality and we got a puppy together, my first dog ever, Archer, in August 2020.

And somewhere between juggling a highly competitive tech job, raising a pup for the first time (a high-energy husky at that), struggling to communicate with my partner, and feeling isolated without my support system of friends during the pandemic, I slipped into what felt like a hopeless abyss.

Externally, people saw someone with a successful career, a relationship inching towards the wedding, and a beautiful pup to add to the joy. Internally, it was anxious days with constant self-doubt at work and a  relationship that was crumbling under the weight of the pandemic. 

We pushed out the wedding, eventually ending the engagement and I moved out, to live alone for the first time with an almost 1-year-old pup to take care of. My parents, like most Indian parents, viewed their daughter getting married as the mark of successfully raising their child.

It broke their heart when they learned about the break-up. It was the hardest few months of my life. But, this phase also pushed me on a journey of self-discovery, reflection, growth, and healing. 

I’ve been in therapy for almost 2 years now, with weekly therapy sessions and daily medication. I can now confidently say that I have the ability to tackle whatever life throws at me and hope that I don’t experience a drawn-out phase of struggle like before.

I still have days every couple of weeks when I feel empty inside but know how to help myself out of it. Panic attacks are still slightly more difficult to handle but having my anxiety medication handy has helped immensely.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

My struggle with Anxiety and Depression impacted every facet of my life. There have been days when I felt so unlike the “me” I knew my whole life that I stopped and questioned when I changed so much.

I went from seeing myself as a carefree and confident optimist to a paranoid, underconfident person. I questioned everything from my job offers to my promotion and felt like I didn’t deserve them.

My anxious-avoidant attachment style coupled with depression during the pandemic had a drastic impact on my relationship choices. I didn’t stand up for myself and willingly gave up my time and energy, seeking validation.

Ultimately, I was in a place where nothing really excited me or made me happy anymore, I felt like I had no purpose in life. My only reason to get out of bed in the morning was my dog.

Even this came with a sense of extreme guilt, that he might have a happier life with a loving family rather than someone struggling to juggle work, health issues, and taking care of himself. 

After my broken engagement, I leaned on my friends and family for support. In my personal life, I’ve always been open about my emotions with close friends but never really spoke out about the bad days and struggles with depression.

My sister was my only confidant for the longest time. I gradually started being more vocal about it with a few people after starting therapy and spending time on my personal growth.

However, I’ve never spoken openly with friends or colleagues about how I’ve struggled at work as a result of my anxiety or depression. I’m now slightly more open to talking about it but was always scared that talking about it while going through the struggle would affect my career growth. 

I’ve never thought about self-harm, having seen firsthand how it affects family when someone chooses to end their life. However, there have been many times when I wished I just disappeared, erased. No one would remember my existence and nobody would be in pain.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

There were a few moments in 2022 when I felt…light. It felt like I was carrying something heavy in my head for a long time and finally, someone removed it. My mind was constantly racing with pessimistic thoughts, overthinking past situations, future fears, what I could have done differently, etc.

I tried to fill every spare second with self-help audio books, YouTube videos, and mental health blogs to help me navigate the overthinking that was taking over my life.

And then slowly, gradually, without me consciously realizing it, I had a shift in perspective. I felt more gratitude for the growth and learning that came out of my difficult experiences, than the pain they’d caused.

I started cherishing my time alone in thought and the peace that came along. I started waking up looking forward to experiences again. But the biggest difference I remember is after I started my medication in October 2022 and waking up one morning in January 2023, feeling like my old, cheerful self. That was a beautiful day.

I would say that 50% of my mindset shift came from self-reflection during therapy and personal growth-focused learning. The rest I would attribute to actions – everything from walking my dog several times a day, which meant stepping out and moving my body even on the worst days, to including exercise as part of my lifestyle and building a support system of close friends. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I had tried therapy once, way back in early 2019, but didn’t find it helpful. I tried it again in 2020 and early 2021 but did not find it very helpful. I felt like I was summarizing what was happening in my life to someone, that’s it.

I kept at it and connected enough with one therapist to take about 4 sessions. Her approach was different and I found the sessions to be slightly helpful.

However, we couldn’t connect enough to continue further. And then in March 2022, I found my current therapist who I’ve met almost every week, for more than a year now. I cannot quantify the immense impact she has had on my life, I just know I’ll be grateful to her for the rest of my life.

Now, I often tell friends that finding a therapist can be very similar to dating. It is important to find the right person! The key difference I now realize was all the other therapists approached the sessions as a one-time visit rather than something more.

My therapist started our first session by discussing my goals from therapy. What aspect of my life did I want to improve and how? This by itself was a great reflective exercise. 

She took the time to listen to my life map or a timeline of every year of my life and whatever I remember, until now. I believe those sessions set the foundation to help her understand who I am, my interactions with family, how I view myself in the world, etc.

She helped me uncover my relationship attachment style and how I can work on moving towards a secure, healthy relationship. She helped me realize that I was functioning from a place of depleted energy, without putting in the effort into self-care to replenish lost energy.

For example, she uncovered my people-pleasing tendency, which meant saying yes to all social commitments and then overpacking my days with them, at the expense of any time that I could get for myself.

This meant I could not recharge and replenish my energy but ended up losing more trying to keep everyone else happy. Fatigue, low energy, and lack of interest stemmed from here for me.

She helped me understand the true meaning of self-care – daily routines focused on good food, sufficient sleep, regular exercise, and mindfulness. She provided me with tools to manage my anxiety, from grounding techniques to breathwork and clay work.

She’s had a great impact on helping me heal and when I say that the rewards from the right therapist are priceless, I truly hope everyone in need of therapy works to find the right therapist for them and not give up.

I now realize that cognitive understanding is very important for me to navigate life. I spent a lot of time trying to work on and resolve relationship issues for the first time in my life, rather than ignoring them.

I felt like I needed answers to the “Why did this happen to me?” question that comes up in our minds so often during bitter life experiences. So, I sought to understand more about relationships, mental health, what makes us react to situations and why everyone reacts differently, etc.

I read self-help books, listened to podcasts, and watched videos on these topics. I did this every day, to fill any spare time I had because it seemed to feel “productive” at the time. I also spent time discussing this topic with a few close friends who could relate to my experiences. I didn’t know that consuming this type of content was slowly shifting my perspective.

For example, I remember dealing with bouts of anger and irritability as a side-effect of depression. It was often directed at family and I always regretted it later. I learned about the concept of “responding” and not “reacting” to situations and tried to consciously implement this every time I felt myself on the verge of losing my temper. 

Another aspect that I cannot stress enough is exercise. Throughout this time, I’ve had months where I exercised regularly at least 3-4 times a week, and a few weeks without exercising.

I’ve noticed a significant difference in my mood and energy levels during weeks when I’m not exercising. I have more bad days or low-energy days during such weeks and feel physically weak, even if it is a week of regular routine without any exercise.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes, I’ve shared all of it with my sister, I consider her my pillar of strength. My fiance is also familiar with my journey and is very supportive. I’ve also shared parts of it with a few close friends, though most aren’t aware of my medications. 

I did not feel comfortable talking to my colleagues about this. As mentioned before, I had (and probably still do) hesitations about how they may respond to it and the impact it can have on my career growth.  

By nature, I’m someone who has been comfortable discussing struggles with close friends – more of an open-book kinda person. I wouldn’t say I find it hard to share most things, but a handful of topics are harder.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Always remember that there will be happier days and you deserve to experience and enjoy them. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but all the work you put into improving your mental health is the best gift you can give yourself.

Most of all, your happiness depends only on one person in your entire life, the only one who will be with you forever – yourself. Any happiness you receive from other sources – be it parents, partners, or friends, is adding to the core. It is NOT the core.

This is why it is so important to learn to spend time enjoying your company, being your #1 support system, and treating yourself with love and self-compassion. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• YouTube channel: Psych2Go – This was a valuable channel to help me dive into my symptoms and get a better handle through useful, practical tips to manage depression. The short format videos make it easy to consume. 
• YouTube channel: Sadhguru – I’ve never been religious or a very spiritual person, all my life. However, when things were falling apart and I sought answers, this channel seemed to provide them. 
• YouTube channel: Better Than Yesterday – I found tips in this channel helpful on days when I had to motivate myself to get the bare minimum done. 
• Book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Everything is F*cked by Mark Manson – I found both the books easy to grasp, straightforward, practical and they approach life from a “how to embrace change” and be selective about the problems we want in our lives, which is helpful. Focusing on the “good problems” mindset is helpful when you’re feeling like the victim. 
• Book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle – At a time when I had so many questions about how life worked, how people changed, and what I did wrong, this book was a guiding light for self-reflection. It has powerful information that if you choose to read and absorb, it will definitely help you become a calmer and more balanced person
• Book: Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty – Great book for when you feel like you don’t have a purpose in life and feel restless constantly or are in limbo, going with the wind through life. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can find me on LinkedIn and Instagram.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Navigated Anxiety, Depression and Panic Attacks As I Settled Abroad in a New World appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I’m Teresa Alesch and I’m from a small town in northwest Iowa, raised by the absolute best parents and along with three pretty okay siblings (kidding, kidding – they’re awesome, too), and now reside just 30 miles east with my husband, Cody, our two kids, Sacha-16 and Teague-14, and our four-legged canine child, Molly.

I love all things literature, art, music, health, and fitness, and enjoy exercising and taking ice baths (yes, you read that right—it started out as a challenge). My favorite time spent is the time with my family and watching my kiddos perform and compete in their academics, arts, and athletics.

Today, I am a Certified High Performance Coach, speaker, and author of Broken to Brave. Why this career? Passion. When we experience chronic stress, overwhelm, fatigue, and burnout, important areas of our lives unravel (health, relationships, productivity, task competency, etc.), draining us from truly living life and experiencing joy.

My passion is in helping high-achieving, hard-working women “Stress Less and Live More.” I help them take back control of their time, energy, productivity, and overall health and well-being through my Stress Less Live More program and high-performance coaching.

Before owning my own business, a health battle resulting in a referral to palliative care led me to resign from my 16-year career in education and school administration and take time off to focus on my health and family. Once back on my feet a few years ago, instead of going back into education, I pivoted into remote high-ticket sales, quickly moving from manager to director. It didn’t take long to realize I was out of alignment. I had so much to offer and could help people directly, according to my values. I wanted to live and lead with purpose.

So, my husband and I started our own company, providing motivational speaking and both high-performance and internal leadership coaching. We work with individuals, groups, and teams and have recently started working with students again. Currently, though, we are creating a program for parents called “Accidentally Disengaged: The Path to Becoming Intentional About What (WHO) Matters Most.” We only get one shot with our children.

Am I happy? Today, I am most definitely happy. I’ve risen above my circumstances and found the greatest joy in being present in the moment with my family and the people I choose to surround myself with. But “this” (happiness, life, goals, dreams) is not a destination, it’s a journey. I can say that I’ve found the tools and strategies I need to dance with adversity and walk off the dance floor holding my head higher than I did when my rock bottom “adversity” struck.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

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What is your struggle and when did it start?

My more recent struggle began with a diagnosis of cancer, and then evolved through a host of other traumas and physical, emotional, and mental battles. It wasn’t just the adversity, though. The pillars of my personality are deeply rooted…and involve a stubborn, independent, and highly sensitive child who felt like she never truly fit in.

I’ve always had multiple talents and passions—Jill of all trades, master at none, I guess? I couldn’t choose just one nor accept the traditional pathway through life. Wanting to experience it all, I’ve always strived toward something more. A calling, perhaps? As a young adult, it was confusing, isolating, and almost debilitating.

Without revealing who or exactly what, there was one particular individual in my past who had an effect on me that made me want their approval. And I believe that in part, this elusive pursuit of meaningless validation led me on a journey of self-discovery that colored my personality in more ways than one. But it also stunted my growth at the same time, making me self-conscious of the fact that I was a “horse of a different color.”

Perhaps many of us actually feel this way and I’m not so odd, after all? It’s fascinating how the facets of our personalities influence our journey. As for me, I believe not understanding and loving what set me apart led me on detours and self-degradation pit stops along the way. Not knowing which way was right, I did my best to fit into the “traditional” life route.

Back to more recent issues—they ebb and flow, a dance of depression, social anxieties, maybe a superhero complex, and for a brief but pivotal spell, suicidal ideation into action.

Let’s get to the heart of it, shall we?

In 2011, an aggressive, estrogen-driven breast cancer found me. I was in the midst of transitioning into the principalship early in my career. By the time we caught it, it was stage 3 and required a comprehensive and equally aggressive approach, beginning with chemotherapy to shrink the tumors before surgery. The first several weeks of chemo, I couldn’t eat and when I did, I struggled to keep it down. Everything tasted awful, even water. It also made me feel fat (bloated) and tired, and of course, I lost my hair. I kept working through most of it because I was too prideful to slow down.

After about four months of chemo, I had a double mastectomy and placement of breast implants, involving an expansion process where I felt an excruciating pain that knocked the wind out of me during each session we filled the expanders.

I could barely walk out of the clinic, and it took 24 to 48 hours to subside. That excruciating pain made me question whether or not “looking feminine” was worth it. These were the first of nine surgeries that would take place over the next nine years.

During my surgery, an unreal circumstance transpired—my dad was in the very same hospital, going through his own tests. He would also be diagnosed with cancer, stage 4 non-hodgkin’s lymphoma, just six months after me.

This likely happens more than we realize, but back then, cancer stories weren’t as pervasive or public. For us, it was surreal. The beginning of a string of traumas in my family that came to define us as fighters.

Throughout all of this, I presented myself as that fighter, a superhero. In my mind, my students, staff, husband, and kids counted on my strength. I set out to educate throughout my journey—writing, teaching, and sharing. My students even created a Team Alesch Facebook group for me to provide updates. They organized pinkouts and benefits in my honor. They literally colored the district pink. It brings tears just remembering.

Although I did share some of the vulnerable moments, I retreated, and mostly overshadowed the “darkness” with grit, smiles, and perseverance. I stopped short of truly processing the turmoil beneath the surface. I buried it.

Through it all, I was still a mom, a wife, a daughter, a principal… I had to keep going.

Remember that I felt different? Cancer brought this back. Up until that point, I had happily settled in as a school principal, finally in my element, working with teachers, students, parents, and community, striving together to create a culture of student engagement in the arts, academics, and athletics. I “fit in” here. Educational leadership suited me.

More and more, I felt “less than” in a diseased body. Damaged. Broken. Not good enough. Now enter “social anxiety.”

In all this, I haven’t even addressed my fears about my mortality. Mainly because they were in the shadows, only coming out at night to haunt me, when everyone else went to sleep.

Eight months after diagnosis, I moved on to the final stage of treatment, radiation. Besides fatigue, this was the most uneventful phase, as though preparing me for what was yet to come. And come it did. About 22 days after radiation, at Christmas time, in my abdomen, I started feeling pressure, pain, and a growing sense of fear. Tumors. Giant ones.

Soon after, I was slated for an emergency surgery where I wasn’t sure if I would wake up still a woman, in the way that mattered as a mother. The cancer had taken my hair. It had taken my breasts. It had put me through hell. It put me on medications that made me feel awful. It was this sick affair—I went to bed with it, woke up with it, it stole my time and my heart. Was it going to take my choice as a mother?

Looking back, we were blessed with a baby girl in 2007 and an unplanned baby boy in 2009. When I woke up from surgery, I leaned into those blessings more than ever because they had to take it all.

My ovaries housed grapefruit-sized tumors and my uterus was swollen. The tumors were benign; however, with the way estrogen attacks my body, my oncologists were not taking chances. Everything needed to go (a complete hysterectomy).

With my hormones in flux and everything catching up to me, a perfect storm storm was brewing. I needed it all to stop so I could catch my breath. Armor off, I was finally crying “UNCLE!” How tragically ironic this was…one year after my diagnosis (a few months after my hysterectomy), someone special to me (to all of us), our beloved Uncle Joe, passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack.

This was the kicker, the biggest blow of it all. Devastating at the time, between my cancer, my hysterectomy, all the side effects, and my father’s battle.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

The hysterectomy and losing a loved one triggered my slip into depression. Deep depression. One that most, including myself, had no idea about because the one thing I was good at was putting on my mask each day.

I didn’t recognize it for what it was at the time. I just felt like a failure for not being able to manage my physical, mental, and emotional health. I was unraveling.

Take into account that almost immediately after that surgery, hot flashes flooded in—four to six per hour, refusing me sleep. Hot flashes alone are maddening and enough to drive a woman to insanity (aside from all the other symptoms). I brought a change of clothes to work with me, they were so bad.

For humans in general, without quality sleep, everything else deteriorates. Including being able to cope with adversity—physical, mental, or emotional. Cognitively, my abilities to concentrate, focus, and be productive tanked.

My energy plummeted. I began questioning my intellect. I felt guilty for not being “better” in every area of my life. In some ways, I was furious that life went on for everyone around me, meaning, I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be more oblivious, if that makes sense. I wanted life to go on for me, too.

Are you getting the picture? Struggling, I could never get my body, heart, and mind to be in the same place at the same time. I was trapped in my own mind. I would be at home, either working, worrying about work, or wishing I had gotten more done at work. If work was where my mind was, then I was missing out on the LIFE right in front of me.

And that life included my children at the tender ages of two and four, my husband and our relationship and livelihood, and of course my parents and our extended family.

Flip that. Then, I would go to work, and the thoughts would perseverate, beating me down for not being more present with my loved ones. It was an endless cycle and devastating battle. I was living in past regret and frustration. I was living in future fear and worry. I was living anywhere and everywhere…but the present. The shame and guilt that comes with that takes its toll.

Anxiety became exaggerated, depression deepened, and I began questioning not just my purpose, but also my competence as a leader, administrator, wife, and most importantly, a MOTHER.

I told myself things like, ‘no me is better than the me they all are getting (especially my kids),’ and ‘they would be better off if I were one day replaced.’ I was okay with that. Welcomed it. Because in my increasingly warped mind, it made perfect sense…it was what was best for them, for everyone. For me.

I had no idea who I was anymore. I began imagining or daydreaming the easiest way to go, to leave this life behind. When I created those mental movies in my mind, I imagined “peace” on the other side of it, and the desire to feel peace once again became stronger and stronger, until one day after dropping my kids off at daycare, I almost followed through with an attempt.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

That was the moment. The moment when it was time to accept the shoes I’d been given and start walking, no matter how painful that was going to be. This part of my story is hard to tell. It took me an entire year to write this one chapter in my book, Broken to Brave: Finding Freedom from the Unlived Life. The chapter is the beginning of my book, but it’s called, “The End.” It’s how I introduce readers to my story.

Long story short, in a few brief breaths within my life’s journey, I found myself in my car with a bottle of pills. I don’t know if you believe in signs or messages from loved ones who have passed on, but something happened that I still struggle to process to this day. A beautiful cardinal landed on my passenger review window right in the “moment.” But it quickly flew away. So, although I thought it was a sign at first, I questioned if it was ever there at all.

Until it landed on the driver’s side rear-view mirror. I don’t know how to explain other than saying, at that moment, I woke up.

I had been numb for over a year. A waterfall of emotions flooded in. I realized that all of this (tragedy and pain) is not about me; it’s bigger than me.

And while I had been through hell, so many others have been and were going through, and will always be going through something so much worse. I knew in that moment, I needed to find my way back to my loved ones, to the present moment, and most importantly, to myself.

I needed to put the oxygen mask on myself before I could help anyone else. It would be a quest. And I knew it was going to be trying. But I needed to give it everything I had.

Needing help, I checked myself into a behavioral health center. Once there, I learned that my recovery would involve medication. I had been there and tried that (antidepressants), and I knew I wanted to try it without. So instead, I began seeing a therapist. The breakthrough was work but came when my therapist challenged me to tell my loved ones what I was REALLY going through.

I couldn’t. Instead, I cried. And cried. Although words come naturally to me, and I selectively journaled throughout my cancer journey, I couldn’t find the words to express my pain. This was my therapeutic turning point. The idea of unearthing that pain released the waterworks during that session.

For months, I had been denying the harsh reality of what my body went through, and how that impacted my sense of self, my hormones, my energy, my emotions, and my focus… I had been denying the loss of my uncle.

I know his passing hurt everyone. For me, the timing played a role. I grew up close to him, spending tons of weekends at his home, watching movies, making popcorn, and conquering Super Mario Brothers and Zelda. Uncle Joe was there for me always, especially during cancer, often taking me to chemo, radiation, my port surgery, and always with the family for the bigger surgeries.

I couldn’t accept that someone who was always there was no longer there.

For the first time, I was mourning his death. Seeing this opportunity, my therapist asked, “What if you told your story in the third person? Or write a piece about a character? Change her name. Tell her story.” And so I did.

When I shared this life-after-cancer story with my doctors, one suggested I publish it. Not just for inspiration but for survivors, future fighters, caregivers, and medical providers alike. Knowing people would know, I feared putting my “rock bottom” out there for people to read, and perhaps judge.

Would my competence be questioned? Could this “hot mess” perform at the levels required? Would I lose professional credibility? What if my closest family and colleagues felt responsible, like they had missed warning signs?

But those questions ultimately led me to find the value in sharing what I had been and was still silently battling through.

What if it could prevent someone else’s journey from taking the destructive twists and turns mine had? What if it could help caregivers and medical providers anticipate the road ahead and help the survivor navigate? What if MY journey could have been a little smoother because I had read or heard about someone else’s journey?

Before I knew it, I was on a path to publishing. Except. When my future publisher read my story about this “character who had been to hell and back,” he said it was great! Just not the story he wanted to publish. He said MY story needed to be told and then worked with me to make that vision a reality.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Quickly, before I get into the rainbow after the storm…

In addition to cancer’s aftermath, the surgeries, and all the medication, a host of auto-immune issues plagued me. From skin breakouts, to puffiness and discoloration in the face and eyes, to inflammation throughout the body to strange and unexplainable allergic reactions, to sinus infections and colds, to extreme fatigue and mental fog, to herniated discs, to further bouts with depression… my doctors (including oncology and specialist) could not get to the bottom of it all.

All of those symptoms added new levels of self-consciousness, frustration, depression, and anxiety, depending on the day. In 2019, oncology referred me to Palliative Care. I don’t know what you think of when you hear that terminology, but I think of “end of life” care. In essence, it means to sustain one’s quality of life.

What my doctors were saying was, “We can’t figure out what’s wrong… so, we want to involve some other specialists to at MINIMUM, sustain your quality of life.”

What I heard was, “We give up. Good luck.” I know that’s not the reality of the situation… or was it? I’ll never know.

Back against the wall, I made the somewhat crazy decision at just 40 years old, to resign from my career in education to focus on my health and my family. So many people in my life, to this day, don’t know about this aspect of my journey.

By this point, I was starting to feel like a failure again; yet, I couldn’t accept that this was all the better I was going to feel. I knew if I wasn’t careful, hopelessness would start creeping in.

Another blessing. A few months later, my sister (who would soon face her own stage 3 cancer battle) stumbled upon a Facebook post that described my situation to a T.

I was rejecting the implants and needed them out, immediately. Three surgeries (explant plus DIEP flap reconstruction) proved to be the springboard to overcoming all of the autoimmune issues weighing me down. Lifesaving.

So, how did I find my way back to the present moment? And how did I begin rebuilding my spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional health? Outlets.

Creative outlet

Perhaps one of the most therapeutically impactful actions I took was writing my book. That outlet was crucial to my healing.

When the house was quiet, super early in the morning or in the evening after the kids went to bed, I would make some hot tea, light a candle, put my headphones on, play some calming and inspiring instrumental music, and either meditate, pray, or write.

Spiritual outlet

Faith carried me through a great deal. Not always in the traditional, “attend church every day and twice on Sundays” sense, but in connecting with God through prayer, music, and writing, as well as finding a sense of gratitude and calm in being content within the energy of my soul.

With this, I learned about the power of visualization and manifestation, and practiced all of the above.

Physical outlet

I turned to exercise and a variety of workouts, such as walking, running, Insanity, P90X, and CrossFit. I fought through fatigue and challenged my body to improve itself, regardless of the symptoms I faced. I also learned about and practiced breathwork to increase my energy throughout the day.

On days when I struggled, I didn’t chastise myself. I made a point to get some movement in, and I patted myself on the back for the small win in the bigger picture.

Self-development outlet

I enrolled in programs from motivational speaking to high-performance habits to writing and editing to entrepreneurial to educational leadership. I became certified in leadership, high performance, and life coaching programs, not just to be a better leader and manager at work, but also to better manage myself.

I put myself on stage and published my book to help others. Challenging my brain to learn something new made me feel as though I was gaining back my “it” factor when it came to my cognitive quickness.

High-Performance coach outlet

I worked with a high-performance coach who helped me to:

• Isolate what I could control and let go of what I couldn’t;
• Clarify my identity and vision for my future;
• Gather a baseline in 12 key life areas and set goals for where I wanted to be;
• Inspect my schedule and routines to increase productivity;
• Optimize my time by redefining my values and priorities, then aligning how I was spending my time with what was truly important to me;
• Review my habits (including self-limiting beliefs) and identify what was working and what wasn’t, removing what wasn’t serving me;
• Gradually build in high-performance habits to overcome my health issues and move toward optimal health and wellness. 

When we inspect our thoughts, habits, and routines, we might find a great deal of misalignment that’s causing us to miss opportunities. I was trapped in this vicious cycle of living in past regrets and future worries, missing out on key moments and joy with my family.

Therapy outlet

The therapists I worked with were incredible (one was career-based, the other cancer). The most impactful strategy was writing my story from the third-person perspective. This freed me to explore my pain, but from a safe distance. In my book, I referred to this as “unlocking brave.”

Forgiveness outlet

Another key, the mortar to the bricks, was learning to give myself permission to fail, to fall off the exercise wagon, to feel crummy and just lounge all day on a Saturday, instead of cleaning the house, which desperately needed it, etc.

Taking time to rest, recover, and recharge when you feel like you should be working is incredibly challenging! But the work will be there. Let go of the guilt and shame. Life is too short. It’s not worth it.

Help outlet

Although accepting help sometimes felt unnatural, I needed it (my family needed), and we were surrounded by it. Whether family, friends, colleagues, students, or community, I had a wealth of people supporting me throughout my battles, from “D Day” and onward.

Without these inspiring and generous supporters, I don’t believe I would be here today, and be here as strong, healthy, and happy as I am. If you are reading this, you know who you are. THANK YOU.

Relationship outlet

This one is the most simple. Focus on and connect IN THE PRESENT moment with those who matter most. This is what life is all about.

We all know too well—people are with us one moment and gone the next, kids grow up before our very eyes, and if we aren’t careful, we might look back and realize that we were distracted with thoughts, activities, and work that didn’t matter. Live, love, and lead with purpose, and cherish your loved ones.

These outlets make up the initial bricks in rebuilding my life. Because it significantly improved my life, I layered in more high-performance coaching and continued learning breathwork and meditation for resetting and reenergizing myself. Recently, I’ve added ice baths (cold immersion) into my daily routine, giving the most shocking results of all!

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes, and no. I resisted because I wanted to be that unbreakable superhero. With loved ones, I didn’t want them to see or feel my pain. And sharing felt akin to admitting a decline in my cognitive abilities and thus accepting failure. It felt insurmountable.

There’s something else. Full transparency, I worried a few specific people would consider me a victim and talk behind my back. Spoiler. They did, and it hurt. But—their words were none of my business (which took me a long time to get). If you’ve experienced a similar conflict, remember: 

1. None of us are perfect; we are all human, flawed, and have weak moments where we think or say something hurtful, hold grudges, judge, gossip, etc. 
2. Someone else’s behavior says more about them than it says about you. It’s possible they are going through something that has nothing to do with you.
3. It’s time to let it go. Broken relationships can be one of the most unexpected obstacles to happiness because the pain and hurt linger. Consider forgiving yourself and them, if even only in your heart.
4. Your life’s path is yours. Theirs is theirs. Live and let live. Shine brighter to overcome any darkness creeping in, and fill your inner circle only with kind and uplifting people.

Over time and especially after the car incident, I became more authentically vulnerable and stopped sugarcoating. I told myself if I could help just one person, the journey and the fear of sharing would be worth it.

From my journal entries on Facebook and Caring Bridge to publishing my book to motivational speaking, I began receiving messages from people who were struggling. I knew I needed to continue sharing and owning “my ripple” (as in my impact on others).

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

SINGLE? Oh, jeez. LOL! My poor brain can’t narrow it down.

Helping others through their journeys helped me accept mine. It provided the key for me to walk through the door of true healing and physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual recovery. Life was not happening to me. It was happening for me to live, love, and lead with purpose. Ugh. I can’t limit it to just one.

The next key is in the two G’s—gratitude and grace. Finding gratitude in the small things shifts perspective, and giving ourselves grace (as opposed to self-destructive judgment) when we have human days and setbacks help us to stay the course.

The third key is accepting that to move forward, we have to move. We can’t take back control and move forward while in a passive state. We must take action—no matter how tired we feel, how much pain we are in, how scared we are, or how skeptical we are that we can feel better. It’s as simple as that.

Finally, each of us has one lifetime–that’s IT, just ONE! Although we don’t know how long that is, we each have the opportunity to make the most of it and be a positive force within our family, our community, and the world at large. We don’t want to look back and realize we missed life right in front of us. All we have to do is own our comeback and own our ripple.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

So many books inspired me; however, it’s more than just the books! Most of these books led me to purchase their courses, conferences, and coaching. What you put in your mind is just as important as what you put in your body. Feed your body, mind, and spirit the good stuff. Immerse yourself in people, words, and wisdom that inspire you to move forward.

• High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard: This has been the most impactful. It led me on a complete journey (from book, to course, to coaching) to not just performing but sustaining performance at high levels, leading to a sustained improvement in my overall health, well-being, productivity, and relationships.
• The Man on the Mountaintop by Susan Trott and Libby Spurrier: I loved this so much that I wrote a review. It’s an uplifting parable about modern-day pilgrims bringing a multitude of modern-day problems, sorrows, and grievances. It’s full of life lessons that had me giggling, crying, and shuddering, over and over again. I completed it in one sitting. I had to.
• The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins: This is a powerful technique to trick, or distract your brain rather, from procrastinating. There’s more to it, but in its simple form, count “5-4-3-2-1,” then do whatever it is you are putting off. Don’t think, just do.
• Make Your Bed by William H. McRaven: “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.” I walked away with a mantra and routine from reading this book. I originally watched his commencement speech, which this book delves deeper into the 10 core tenets he goes through. Essentially start the day out with a win, and everything else is a bit easier. It’s part of the reason I take ice baths every day!
• Your Secret Name & The Deeper Path by Kary Oberbrunner: With Your Secret Name, I learned to accept myself, for who I really am, despite the pain and despite the fear. With the Deeper Path, I delved into my purpose and owning who I am.
• The Introvert’s Edge by Matthew Pollard: This is more of a business book but it was powerful for me when I started retreating into my shell. It helped me with confidence and made me feel less alone. So, if you are someone who is in business or sales, this book could be helpful for you.
• Stress Less, Accomplish More by Emily Fletcher: Emily was my introduction to meditation. I started out with her book and then progressed to taking her online video course. It was incredibly powerful for me to learn how to slow down and disconnect (yet connect at a deeper and more meaningful level). It helped me to rest (take a powerful 5 to 15-minute meditation nap) during the day and get to a deeper sleep more quickly at night. I recommend the audiobook; she’s easy to listen to!
• Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza: I became curious about Joe Dispenza’s (neuroscientist) work after seeing him on YouTube. He has a powerful story about the power of the mind and essentially healing himself after a serious injury paralyzed him and he found himself face down in a hospital bed for weeks/months. I learned about something he called Mind Movies and Walking Meditations.  
• The Urban Monk by Pedram Shojai: This book helped me to get back to the basics. Regardless of the circumstances, and mine were pretty rotten at times, I worked toward grounding myself and resetting my nutrition, exercise, and sleep habits. It had all sorts of activities, exercises, and mediations. Just writing this makes me want to go through it again. I listened to this one on Audible. 
• Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer: Wayne Dyer is an absolute joy to listen to. It breaks down the ancient works and wisdom of Lao-tzu, presenting it in a way that’s relevant to today’s modern world. It’s hard for me to put into words the peace, calm, and purpose I felt when listening to his books. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Let’s connect wherever you spend your time! Fee free to send me a DM—just let me know you learned about me on Tracking Happiness!

• Teresa Alesch Website: You can learn more about my book, my story, and my life after cancer work here.
• Broken to Brave Book: You can go directly to it here on Amazon! 62 5-star reviews out of 62!
• Instagram: So much goodness coming.
• Facebook-Personal: Most active here.
• Facebook-Professional: My author, coach, and speaker page.
• YouTube: Just preparing to begin posting daily, starting with our ice bath journey! Feel free to follow along.
• The Live More Journey website: Coming soon (temporary holding page)! It is here that you will be able to learn more about our courses, coaching, and speaking.
• Stress Less Live More Free Facebook Group: Anyone looking for a community to learn and grow is welcome to join us!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Lifechanging Cancer Journey and How I Recovered as a Stronger Woman appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Morgan McCarthy. I am approaching my 29th birthday. I live in upstate New York. In Saratoga Springs, where the horses race, where you’ll find yourself at the location of the very first potato chip and water known to heal your soul.

I am a daughter, a sister, a friend and I hold three degrees. One in English focused on Public Relations and Gerontology. The second is in Hospitality Management and the third and most important, in life.

As a Life Coach, I have been able to harness my speaking skills and fundraising capabilities to reach a larger audience. It’s something I have been a part of my whole life. My needs might have hindered my movement, but not my speech.

I live every day in gratitude for the research and education others put forth for the next generation so other kids don’t have to feel how I did. Opportunities like this one, I have hope will help the kids that are waiting to be included by their peers because they are judged for things they have no control over.

Career-wise, I credit my older sister, Erin for moving to New York City after college and finding resources and connections to help me grow. My middle sister, Erica, for being a teacher and inviting me into her classroom. My brother for being an extra layer of security growing up, always choosing me when I needed him on the bus ride home or the end of the driveway to feel safe when kids were mean.

There were many days I spent in tears because I just couldn’t understand how some kids could be so cruel. My parents never let me miss out on things as a child. Nothing was ever handed to me just because it would be harder if I did so, myself. I did everything, I tried everything. I settled on cheerleading, Girl Scouts, and figure skating, that later led to, monoskiing.

We grow stronger as a unit and over the years we all have grown and some of us have multiplied. That’s still where I return to peace and comfort. With all the amazing things I have been able to do, I have to ride the wave of emotions that come with such amazing opportunities that simply were a different trajectory than my peers.

Professionally, I currently help women (&men) foster a better relationship with themselves, their peers, and their diagnosis as it intersects with life. As well as anyone who wants to learn how to be a better friend.

As a disabled woman myself, living with two visible health conditions, cerebral palsy, and brachydactaly. (I will take the time to explain the impact on my health in later sections) I saw a gap in the market where I had someone, not everyone does.

That friend, Andrea Koenig, helped me through major moments in my life as a child and young adult because she is fourteen years older than me. From things like classroom accommodations to the possibility of driving to getting to a place where now, I now have a personal assistant who helps me with my day-to-day needs so I can be more independent. With her, I knew how to get by. So in 2022, I had a wild idea I could be that for others.

I now have a micro-influential following online, I was able to expand my career with opportunities like this one, being on Instagram (@Yourhotdisabledbestie). I’ve been able to support individuals and companies for a more inclusive lifestyle. A disabled Dear Abby, I like to say.

I have made so many new connections with those in similar situations. A space to learn, grow, and feel seen by others and have people who need it have a place to ask questions without fear that I am going to be offended. I know without a shadow of a doubt, without the presence of technology I would spend even more time alone than I already do. That is a slippery slope.

As for my personal life: I have a service dog named Dewey, he retired this year at 10. He gave me my first gig at parenthood. In 2015, I was blessed by a nonprofit organization called Canine Companions for Independence. CCI has given me a new leash on life. I wake up with a purpose to let Dewey out and feed him breakfast, make memories over the years with many people.

My passions include but aren’t limited to exercise, creative works of art, travel, and cooking. Exercise being most important, as we progress that was probably what saved me. The ability to be creative is innate within me from dancing to movies and being a visionary.

Travel is tricky, but still a love. If the world was more accessible I think I would do so more often. I like to think I’m a foodie, I grew up saying “BAM” like Emeril Lagasse all the time. Food Network will always be on my TV.

Happiness is tough for everyone, as I think it’s relative to your environmental stimuli. Yes, that is – in agreement with Gabor Mate. I would say 75% of the time I am well overjoyed to be a human on this planet.

However, You can’t maintain joy all the time. The contrast allows you to miss happiness when you have it. I hope sharing my mental health journey will help someone else. I think there is something beautiful about being honest about your pain when you’ve processed it.

My social media is my communication with my people in the outside world. When you don’t have the people in your neighborhood to go for a coffee with, your bestie could be in California just waiting to hear from you.

I’m thankful to have grown up in an age where it is so readily accessible. Those are the friendships that mean more, people with a direct connection to health in all facets, especially chronic conditions.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Trigger Warning: The following paragraphs discuss self-injury. 

The official names of my struggles are Anxiety and Depression related to the life of a patient with Chronic non-progressive health conditions. Meaning, they will never get better. They will never go away.

I have CP. It’s a brain injury that makes walking, processing information, motor planning, and special areas of life incredibly difficult. Living with a genetic bone condition is another source of pain, loss of typical hand and feet function. Granted, I still have them.

Every day is different with the amount of loss I will feel every time I wake up. I might be set off by a random stranger’s manicure or how their engagement ring sits on their finger.

I might wish I could take myself to Starbucks. I have my permit, I just choose not to drive because I don’t feel comfortable in the snow. Having service providers, that’s taken care of, and it’s much less stressful for me and how I see the world around me with said damage from my brain.

I could go into that in a lot more detail but Dr. Daniel Amen, who you can find on social media discusses that in more detail, linked later.

My Anxiety and Depression started in 5th grade, around 10. If not earlier when it came to standardized testing, like a simple spelling test in 1st grade. I would get sick and the nurse would call my mom.

She would bring me home and all of a sudden, I would have this huge sigh of relief. I believe it’s a cause that I am never not in fight or flight in my nervous system.

Again, with the brain damage and constant pain, I grew a threshold of what I could and could not tolerate. A test was enough stress with the stimuli in the classroom, even with testing accommodations, I struggled.

When the other kids were finishing before me, for example, I simply could not process and deal with the ruffle of papers, putting up the folders so kids couldn’t cheat. I felt suffocated by the room I was in.

When these moments are coupled with change when I enter middle school, the change in friends, the way I viewed my body, hormones, and my brain damage, in general, make a difference in my everyday life. 

Over time, my anxiety consumed me. I went from a friendly, happy-go-lucky kid to living with an eating disorder triggered by a dairy allergy. Matched with the isolation when my peers started to play sports.

I would make myself sick because I became too overwhelmed to even leave my house, which is considered agoraphobia and a deep state of depression.

I would not leave my bedroom except to wander to the bathroom. I was consumed with worry, that my fragile little body would not make it to the bathroom in time. 

A doctor in middle school even questioned if I was adopted, my mom tans easily and I was very low on Vitamin D.

Fear made it so that all of middle and high school I would cry all the time and have self-injurious tendencies. Not to a degree where I was bleeding profusely from my wrists. I would take coat hangers, picture frame glass, and anything that would give me a sensory output so the chaos around me would stop, I would find and hurt myself until I could regulate my breathing.

I know now I was seeking a release from the pressure I put on myself to be okay all the time. Happiness is a challenge because I wake up with a deep amount of grief from the woman I could have been if nothing happened. Every milestone a person meets with a diagnosis changes the perspective on how wonderful life is.

On the other hand, it’s equally devastating to miss those moments. I just never allowed myself the space to hold those feelings in the moment they happened. I was still lucky enough to be a part of things that people wish for every day.

I still was involved in homecomings, as a cheerleader and voted on the court. I went to both junior and senior proms. I was involved in every single thing my community offered. I made my mother a taxi driver. I was somehow able to balance every hospital visit and trip to the doctor’s office with finding time to do homework and be at a chorus concert.

The amount of energy it takes to make this experience look easy to the naked eye is a fragile balancing act.

The ease I am referring to is I have always been grateful to be the one to say “I have air in my lungs, on my own. I’m good.” I have my faith in God. There was a reason I was chosen to live like this simply because I can be strong when I need to.

Being strong doesn’t mean not being able to walk as well or as far as others, process information to simply, write this. To grieve if my body worked my capabilities to dance and hear music may have led me to Julliard. I always send myself back to “I’m good”.

I have clothes on my back, food in my belly, love from my family, and a roof over my head. These things don’t outweigh the suffering I take to my pillow at night. That is where my suffering lands though, for the most part, I am so happy this is my journey. It’s a destiny. 

Keep in mind, it was not ever, that I wasn’t getting help. Doctors simply didn’t have answers and my parents knew also to give space for what is your teenage years. They are hard for everyone.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst, I would hurt myself so I had an escape and a release. There are points where I feel so out of control in my body that even breathing is a task. I hold my breath. 

In truth, I have night terrors about what my funeral would be like, who would show up? Would I be missed? Would people come out of the woodwork when I was gone? If I left this body here would I hurt less? I battle every single day with loss. Your mind begins to play tricks on you. 

I never came to a place where I had to grapple with those feelings because I got help, it just was a long road to getting answers. I got to a place with my family where it wasn’t just teenage angst. In high school, I got medicine and a therapist. That helped for a while. 

For all I knew through high school and college, it was a bandaid. I was still unhappy deep down, these behaviors continued in private. I tried to taper independently in 2014, in college and I still had no control over my emotions that it was too hard.

When I moved home in 2016 I spent that year finding myself and then got approved for state services. In 2017, that helped because I was able to have in-home services and the freedom to leave and go out.

During this time I began getting sick. I would sweat profusely, be nauseous, and feel like passing out simply grocery shopping. I would return home and sleep.

Any time I was stressed or felt like I couldn’t handle it, I would hurt myself, but it was suppressed because the medication dulled the pain and made me sleepy. So I would sleep. A LOT. 

Suicidal thoughts never go away. Really, I have found, it’s a decision to be happy every day. God put me here in this body to provide knowledge of this journey. I truly believe that he puts things in your path and doesn’t make mistakes. You can choose to communicate your needs and advocate for yourself until you’re heard.

Since 2021, with a push from my experience, I passed through the pandemic where everything got even worse. I finally decided to see if the dose of the medication I was on was the cause of these other body systems failing me.

I‘ve come out of medicine and turned my life completely on its head because I advocated for myself after 14 years of medicine, it no longer served its purpose. It was hurting me still. I was on a large dose in respect to others through research I had done.

As previously stated, I was always tired, sweaty, nauseous, couldn’t see, and had heart palpitations. It took a good four years to say to my medical team I wanted to be done with medicine.

I’m happy to share those parts because I know there are people who need medical intervention. This is not to say medication does not work. This is me saying that you can heal holistically too.

Below I will share what I believe to be the reason I have motivation every day to be okay and when I’m not. I discuss it with those who are trained to understand, have been through the issue itself, or a just simply a part of my life because they love me.

I do not fault how I was raised to not wallow in sadness as the sole reason I did those things to myself. I have made peace that I am an emotional and empathetic human.

No parent wants to see their child suffer. No sibling wants to bear the thought that their little sister doesn’t have what they have because she can’t. That’s not how she was made. I had to discover who I am, not asleep and watching life pass me by.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Things started to turn around after COVID-19. I made friends on TikTok. One of them had cerebral palsy himself and it changed how I saw myself. He said, “It’s okay not to be okay.” I had to sit with that, meditate with it.

He took a lot of what I always was told I wasn’t allowed to do and said “Try and see… you can. You did that, not me.”. I became close with his friends, who play soccer professionally, and they really gave me the space and the goals to grow and change.

Some examples of that are flying for the first time, walking six miles, seeing fireworks and not having a medical event in the process alongside my personal assistant who was there through it all. I would not be the woman I am without her. Amongst her own skills in her profession, she is constantly helping me grow to try new things. 

But being there, there’s not a nicer feeling than someone asking to carry your walker up a flight of stairs, or when you take a picture to say hey, I’m right behind you, I got you.

Friendship that was built over an app, where you can livestream your day. I went from being alone to laughing, feeling included and I am a lot more relaxed knowing someone would climb a fence to see me, and support me when someone says I’m too slow.

It was with their support and they will say in complete shock, that I tried something. Something I had always wanted to do was run. It’s something I see in my dreams and I truly never tried because It was always advised against.

Since third grade, I wanted to do the steeplechase. This makes more sense to say, Nick is a 3x paralympic gold medalist with USA para track and field, living with CP himself.

I know I will never be that fast. The conversations we had though, led me to a place where it held space for me to change. Not because I want to beat him, not because I feel like my Olympic dreams have sailed because I’m 29.

It’s because of those six words he shared with me and anyone he impacts. I’m not that special. I just heard what he said. This actually worked. I listened to every interview, watched every video, and sat with the feelings he brought into my heart because he had been through it.

I didn’t have to be someone that I wasn’t around him or his friends and because of his friends, I built friendships with individuals that are desensitized to a stigma that is often correlated with disability.

I know I am determined, but the lightbulb did not click until June 26, 2021. That I was capable of having a release where I would not hurt myself I could heal myself.

It was a change I had to make 100 percent on my own, with support and cooperation.

However, those six words saved me. The call came from inside the house if you will. The push from the online community and how excited they are to see me thrive and try. 

I learned that I could run for myself. It was going to hurt, look different, and take time, but I could. Now I run every day to get that feeling out of my body, I didn’t successfully do so until March 2022.

I’ve since come off medication and I haven’t harmed myself in close to 800 days.

Those conversations gave me peace to know that I came from a place where things had to be okay, all the time because I have so much good in my life that there only needs to be five minutes of space for the sad times.

My life isn’t bad. It’s just different. In moments where I didn’t have a concrete plan of attack for anything I did, the first time around. I felt like I couldn’t admit to myself or others that I wasn’t ok. If you are not, that is completely okay and the situation will eventually change. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

I feel like I need to give credit to where that came from so here it is. Tiktok, those guys, and the ladies I met along the way. I can act like my true self because my needs are considered, I’m included, even from miles away, and I’m rallied for and prayed for.

They make it so things feel normal even if it is through a phone. We rarely are together in person. However, across the country, they’re all eating dinner, at night and just want a sense of community themselves.

When they’re flying to different cities and in different places it’s something that keeps us connected, so the app is just a way we all keep and touch and get to laugh with each other. The group of them is solid. 

In closing, they are people that I have the pleasure to stand behind. Unwavering support not only as the Whole USA on a track listening to the national anthem. I will always choose to rally for them, I am still here because of that pivotal moment. As far as Australia. From places such as South Carolina & where ever they end up professionally.

So to Nick, because of you, I am motivated to stay up and running and give myself peace when many others simply can’t comprehend how this feels every day, you will forever be someone that I wish nothing but success and have my respect. I hope I get the chance to run beside you one day.

To Jimmy, out in Maryland, there’s no better guy to slice a watermelon than you. Noah Pilato, I will forever be grateful for that very first barricade hop. I’ve never had someone run towards me so fast.

Noah Franke, thanks for staying awake from streaming video games and teaching me how to play even if I struggle to hold a controller. Lachlan, you went vegan. I’m sure you love that I share all my recipes with you!

Greenville Triumph Soccer Club, USL1, Thank you for your continued love and support from all your players and staff. It makes me delighted to know I have a place to have a safe, fun time.

Thank you because those experiences pushed me to change and heal and laugh and smile again, to breathe and know someone is a text away. 

Below I’ll discuss how I have been able to be 15 weeks clean, walk a mile, and work on sprinting the 200 meter. Not for anyone else but for me and for my brain.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

There are at least 10 consistent things that help me. Everything I know I learned from my family. Mom, Dad, Erin, Matt, Matty, Maeve, Erica, Dennis, Logan and Landon, Mike Gina, and Brinley. Thank you for making me home safe and keeping me grounded. Loving me where I was every day.

Second, I take vitamins. A multivitamin but in specific, B6, 12, Vitamin C, Zinc, including getting outside with real vitamin D. Personal shoutout to magnesium for relaxation and muscle recovery.

Third, the gym, my gym!!!!! To Nate and Tonya for taking the chance. Even though Nate has known me forever. It’s a huge undertaking. My trainers Caleb and Christian, that learned everything they could about CP and walking and spent time with me and the equipment, and made it a safe social environment. Thank you Max Level Fitness and Althetics.

The fourth step, my therapist, Brandi who provides stretch and circulation to my body for some sense of relief thank you. 

Fifth, to Carly, my business mentor who helped me create YHDB, I owe you one! For giving me the space to learn and trust my intuition.

Six. Dr. Rhonda, thank you for providing the medical care I need to safely taper and be a voice of reason for my feelings, all of them. Also having that exact same statement in your office.

Seven, my personal assistant Mariah, who takes me everywhere, for the goal of an independent life ahead- you push me to be a better friend and human every day, I love you.

Eight, My service dog, Dewey. I love you more than words can quantify. Without you, I wouldn’t get out of bed.

Nine, God, for this I know was my destiny. Romans 5 3:5.

And lastly, ten: Hope that one day, become day one with the love of my life, the empire I build, and the wishes I have to be a wife and a mom. I have so much hope for the future. I can see what happiness looks like now.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

In truth, I hesitate to talk about this with anyone other than my family and Dr. Rhonda Fein because of the nature of the subject matter. I want to be respectful, that some people need more help than others, or that someone knows the right thing to do for each person.

I think I have gotten more comfortable over the years with owning it. I was on a separate podcast about it before. Mental well-being is a heavy topic.

I had access to help, people saw signs but also medical professionals gave me clearance to taper to see if everything would calm down and it did. In truth, change comes from within. You have to do it for yourself. You have to want to try and see where you’re at.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

That you’re the only person that can change your thoughts about how you feel. Happiness is a choice. You can still be desired, disabled, and someone’s friend. I thrive off of steadfast friendship.

People will leave you and people change. It’s bound to happen. If you can be that person for someone else because you’re secure in your discernment. Then, be that for others. I can say now, that I know every part of me. I am successful because I trust myself.

I know that those people mentioned in this interview are there to communicate, cooperate, be a source of motivation, bring peace, promote laughter, and garner hope. The goal to help boils down to feeling safe communicating what you need and evolving into your best self.

The biggest takeaway is I needed help until my brain chemistry matured. I very well might need medicine again. At another point in my life, all of that is ok, I will be ok. What wasn’t okay was when I wasn’t getting relief from what was supposed to help.

Resulting in, harming other body systems. I hope that doctors communicate with patients they see fit to change or limit the use of medicine. what I needed at 14 was not the same as what I needed at 28. Or the future. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Viktor Frankl’s “Man Search for Meaning” “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
• Dr. Daniel Amen. 
• Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder by Gabor Mate. 
• 3x paralympic medalist Nick Mayhugh can be found here.
• Therapy
• I have to thank TikTok as it opened a world up to people who understood me and allowed me to reach people I’ve made friends.
• Determination is key too. You just keep going.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me here on my LinkedIn or find me @yourhotdisabledbestie on Instagram.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Cerebral Palsy Impacts My Mental Health And How I Find Happiness Nonethelss appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Alex, a devoted food blogger from Ukraine, channeling my passion for cooking and photography into the dishes I create and share with the world. I’ve turned my love for gastronomy into a fulfilling profession, allowing me to connect with people globally, one recipe at a time. On the side, I also enjoy the soothing rhythm of my guitar, another avenue that lets me express my creativity.

On the home front, I’m a single father to an amazing eight-year-old son, who brightens my world and keeps me grounded. Although I’ve experienced the trials of divorce, I’ve found resilience in adversity and continue to seek out life’s joys in the smallest moments.

Despite life’s ups and downs, I see myself inching toward happiness, learning, growing, and cherishing each day as it unfolds.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have always experienced what is called seasonal mood drops. I noticed that it affected my productivity, I felt productive for 2 to 3 months and then experienced a downturn that lasted 2 to 4 months. 

With the start of the full-scale war in Ukraine, I felt my condition worsen. It became harder for me to concentrate, work and enjoy the things that used to give it to me. This condition peaked between September and October of last year.

If before it was just hard for me to do work and other processes, then during this period I just could not make myself do anything. As soon as I tried to sit down and start as everything started to piss me off. 

Since I see a psychotherapist/psychiatrist every 2 weeks to monitor my condition, I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed antidepressants during this period. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Now, after a course of antidepressants, I feel much better, I work, I am more interested in talking to people, I have a desire to get out of the house, the energy for hobbies, and other hobbies.

As for other people, I think it was visible to my close environment, as for strangers – I don’t think they could somehow consider my condition. But in general, my communication with other people in that period was limited because I felt I didn’t have enough strength and resources to do so.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

My struggle as a whole took about 2 years if you take into account the seasonal mood swings. Their transition into the form of clinical depression set a kind of point and forced me to change my lifestyle. 

I understood that antidepressants would help me, but in order to improve my condition in the future and not fall into such emotional pits again – I needed to change my lifestyle. 

I gave up alcohol (I haven’t had a drink for half a year now, and I plan not to for at least another 1.5 years, as I read that giving up alcohol for 2 years helps to restore my nervous system), and also put daily exercise into my schedule. Every morning I do a small set of exercises, about 10 minutes, or a yoga practice. I also go out to play squash 1-2 times a week

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Battling depression taught me several strategies that might help others in a similar situation. First, I chose to avoid alcohol, instead investing energy into my passion for cooking. This positive outlet lifted my spirits and boosted my self-esteem. 

Regular exercise was also crucial. Despite the difficulty, even a short walk could initiate a helpful boost in mood from the release of endorphins. It gave me a sense of accomplishment, which helped counter negative thoughts. 

I found that maintaining a healthy sleep schedule and nutritious diet helped regulate my mood and energy levels. It was essential to eat whole foods and limit processed ones to feel healthier and more focused.

Finally, setting boundaries between work and rest was vital. I learned to set specific work hours, take regular breaks, and engage in non-work-related activities during my downtime. This helped recharge my emotional resilience and provided a much-needed reprieve from professional responsibilities.

Remember, these steps were helpful in my journey, but everyone’s experience is unique. Always consider seeking help from a trained mental health professional, as their guidance can be a vital component of recovery.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Over time, I have become comfortable discussing my mental health challenges openly. I realized that transparency could actually foster understanding and lead to support from unexpected places. Sharing my experiences often prompted others to reciprocate, creating a more open and meaningful dialogue about mental health.

While the reactions varied, I learned to focus on the benefits of honesty. By sharing, I could help others understand my behavior and potentially provide support. 

Initially, I was hesitant to share with my colleagues and blog audience, fearing judgment or a tarnished image. However, I discovered that acknowledging my struggles demonstrated resilience, not weakness.

Sharing my journey with my readers not only helped me feel more connected to them but also sparked valuable conversations about mental health, furthering the cause of destigmatization.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

No one can change your life for you and help you. You have to make an effort to get better. It can be very difficult when you’re depressed, but you have to take at least one small step every day. Start with what is easiest for you. 

In states such as depression, you need to praise yourself for even the most ordinary and simple routine actions. Even activities like washing the dishes, going to the store, and others. It is good if there is someone nearby who can evaluate your progress and praise you from the outside, but if not, make it a habit to praise yourself.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I didn’t watch/read much on the subject, and if I did, I don’t remember what it was. I was more attracted to entertainment content, like movies. It allowed me to change my focus and move my thoughts in a different direction

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me on my website, personal Instagram or check out my work Instagram, and Twitter.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Seasonal Mood Drops Turned Into Depression but Self-Care and Exercise Helped Me Heal appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Daniel Castillo also known as Bokey. I’m from Dallas Texas and I’m a fitness blogger and licensed personal trainer and nutritionist. I currently live with my girlfriend and we don’t have any pets of our own at the moment, but hopefully one day we can. 

My biggest hobby would have to be working out in some way whether it be lifting weights, calisthenics, or running. For me, exercise is my stress reliever. 

I would definitely consider myself happy. Coming from where I used to be mentally, emotionally, and physically, it’s been a long journey that I’m proud to say I’ve overcome and still continue to walk to this day. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

In the past, I struggled with social anxiety. Basically, I would struggle to do anything socially like going to parties, the mall, school, or even the grocery store. I felt this heavy burden like someone was always watching me or judging me in some way. 

It began in my sophomore year of high school and I didn’t identify the problem until my early years of college. Back in high school, I felt lost and out of place. I had friends I was forcing myself to hang out with, had no direction to take, and didn’t know what I wanted to do in the future.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

As time went on, I couldn’t see any way out. When I went to college, partying was everything anyone wanted to do, but I couldn’t go to one without feeling tense. To be honest, it was more draining than doing exercise. 

I didn’t even try to hide it and it couldn’t be more obvious. Anytime I was forced to go to a party, I was that kid isolated on my phone swiping through the home screen and checking random emails that I know didn’t need to be opened. 

To sum it all up, I felt like a depressed, awkward, and insecure loser. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Although I wasn’t truly aware of the problem until college, I began trying to improve myself by working out during my junior year of high school. I didn’t really see any results or even have a good understanding of exercise till college, but it was a start. 

As I progressed in the gym, I started to physically grow and gained some confidence. By my sophomore year of college, I put on 30 pounds.

It was at this point that I started to come out of my shell. Doing simple tasks like going to the grocery store or mall felt much easier and even enjoyable to some degree. But I knew eventually the main task would be to finally enjoy partying like everyone else. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

As tough and daunting as it was, I knew I had to face the problem head-on. I started by going to parties with as many friends as I could. This was a crucial first step because I knew that if I could surround myself with people I was comfortable with, the process would be much easier. 

It started with small group gatherings and evolved to full-on concerts and parties. I remember one night at a club with my brother and some friends, I walked around the club by myself taking laps around the center bar. 

Now keep in mind, if someone was watching me, this would be a weird thing to see. But I began to realize that with so many other people in the club, no one could watch me.

They, just like me, were too worried about what was going on with themselves. This was the major turning point in overcoming this anxiety and I began to outgrow something that was crippling me in the past. 

So I took plenty of laps that night to feel comfortable and absorb the energy of the crowd. This helped calm the normal nerves I felt and eventually going to the club was easy and somewhat fun. 

If you struggle with social anxiety, the best way to overcome it would be to take small steps to face it. Go to places that make you uncomfortable and take a look around. You’ll realize no one is looking at you.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

For me, I would mainly share it with my brother, but whoever you’re close to can help. He was someone who didn’t have this problem. So I figured getting a point of view from someone could help me too. 

I think my parents were the only people I was not comfortable sharing it with. I didn’t want to show them I was struggling so I didn’t. Eventually, they found out and were understanding, but out of pride, I kept it from them. 

Aside from that, I wasn’t scared to share my problems. Most people hide their problems and never get helped, so for me, I wanted to make sure this problem could get fixed. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

If I had one piece of advice to share, it would be this: You can read as many books and watch as many youtube videos as you want, but that feeling won’t go away without experience and trial and error. 

Seeing what works for you and gaining a new perspective on social situations is what helped me and I’m sure it can help you.  

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Youtube channel: Improvement Pill. This channel is all about self-improvement. It helped me grasp an idea of where to start and what I could get better on. 

• Youtube channel: Teachingmensfashion. This channel is very similar, except it’s more geared toward fashion and how you present yourself. This helped me develop my self-image and increase my confidence.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me at Bokeyfit.com.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Working Out and Getting Into Crowds Helped Me Overcome My Social Anxiety appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello everyone, my name is Bryan Davis. I am from Tyler, Texas. I work in public education as a special education teacher. I work mainly with students who also have learning issues. Occasionally I work with students who have emotional trauma. I have also taught technology applications.

I am currently going into my 20th or 21st year of teaching (I honestly can’t remember), and like many teachers, I think of getting out sometimes, but I am too far in to do that now. And, it is worth it knowing you helped someone better their life.

I am happily divorced and have a wonderful dog that I have had for almost 12 years. I bottle-fed Cash when his mother abandoned him; he and I are quite close. I know my time with him is getting shorter every day, so I make sure he gets lots of scratches and pets.

I am an avid landscape photographer and pitmaster. Pork and briskets are my favorites to smoke.

I consider myself happy at this point in my life, but that wasn’t always the case. I struggled with depression for many, many years. Later in life, social anxiety decided to crash the party in my head.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My form of depression is classified as Major Depressive Disorder or clinical depression. I’ve had it since I was 17. I remember not having any interest in much of anything outside of playing golf. (I was on the high school golf team).

I no longer wanted to go hunting or fishing, and if I wasn’t on the golf course, I was holed up in my room. I was just withdrawing into my mind, wondering what was happening. I knew I shouldn’t feel this way, but I didn’t know how to explain it to anyone or what to do about it. Unfortunately, mental health was not something people talked about then.

Looking back on things now, I think the medication I took for acne caused much of my trouble. Accutane came on the market in 1982, I began taking it in 1985, and in 1986 I was feeling very depressed. 

Accutane had a number of side effects, but the one that impacted me the most was depression; the stats say only 1% of people will have MDD while on Accutane. I was that 1 percent.

Later on, in my early thirties, I had my testosterone levels checked because my anti-depressants really weren’t doing me much good. My levels came back and were extremely low. Again I think this goes back to the Accutane.

There are studies out there now that show Accutane can affect testosterone. So having low testosterone in my teens through my mid 30’s and depression was not a good combination.

Once I started testosterone replacement therapy, my depression was not as bad. I was still not great though. I was just going through life without a purpose.

I did have periods where I thought I was happy, but those periods would only last for maybe a couple of weeks at most. Usually, just days; then, for some reason, I would go down again. As a friend said, “It’s like you retreat into a cave.” And this would be my pattern for years. Withdrawing into my mental cave.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

For me, depression isn’t always feeling sad. A large part of the time, I could be telling a joke to someone, but on the inside, I felt disconnected. 

Robin Williams explained depression the best. Two quotes from him stick out.

• “All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are.”
• “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”

That’s how I felt, injured and completely worthless. I really was never suicidal, sure I thought about it, I think everyone does at some point. I just couldn’t bear to think what it would have to my parents, and who would have taken care of my dog?

When I was married, I would retreat to the garage to work on some little project. Or I would get up early and look for landscapes to photograph. My wife thought I was just out enjoying a hobby. 

I was really wanting to be away from everyone. Sometimes it would hit me, and I would just pull over to the side of the road and cry. No real reason; nothing bad had happened. It was like I just needed a good cry, I was just miserable. I felt like I wasn’t a good person. That I wasn’t capable of being happy. I wanted to be, just the chemicals in my brain said otherwise.

During this period, I made a terrible choice; I began drinking quite heavily. I know, not smart. I was depressed, living in a city I hated, in a doomed relationship. Whiskey became my friend. I eventually divorced(yeah) and moved back to the country(heck yeah); a cat, a dog, depression, and whiskey came with me. 

Once back where I felt comfortable, I did better for a while. It seemed about when I thought everything was going well, something would happen to trigger a relapse. 

My father passed away, more failed relationships, and I would retreat into my mental cave each time something traumatic happened.

Outside of my mother saying something occasionally, no one said anything to me; I was a functioning depressed alcoholic. Only a couple of close friends even knew that I drank. I didn’t go to bars or anything. I just sat on the porch each evening, drinking Irish whiskey till it got dark. I thought I was living a nice quiet life. In reality, I was drinking to forget how miserable I really was.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I knew that I needed to change my habits, especially the alcohol part for a long time, years, probably decades. I just wasn’t mentally fully committed to change. My school classes were canceled during the pandemic since I was not a core class teacher. Thus I wasn’t interacting with anyone. 

I started to experience severe social anxiety; I actually missed being around people. This was a new feeling since I have never had a problem being alone. But man, I did miss being around my coworkers and students. I even texted the suicide hotline several times, not that I was suicidal; I just felt so alone and super depressed.

So here I am, living on 75 acres of land, with no neighbors around me, depression is full-blown, drinking a lot, and I mean a lot. No social interaction. Life was not good.

After the pandemic, things did get a little better. I wasn’t as depressed; instead of being fully back in my mental cave of depression, I was at least approaching the opening. I think it helped some since I was back around people; alcohol use was still prevalent though.

Eventually, my mother and landlord had an intervention. It worked. It helped me pull my head out of where it was and realize what I was doing to myself. It was a tough choice, but I made the right decision. I was finally ready mentally to accept the fact that I needed help and that I couldn’t do this on my own. I decided to make some big changes, this time for the better.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I moved into the city to be around more people. I took an online outpatient rehab class that was helpful for my alcohol use. I also did online therapy for my depression. Talk therapy really wasn’t my style. But both classes mentioned something that did strike me. That was to start journaling my thoughts and feelings.

I was hesitant at first, but once I began, I ended up really liking journaling. I even splurged and got two nice moleskin journals. Sometimes if I didn’t have my journal, I would just write in a note app on my phone.

I kept two journals; one was a sobriety journal. The other is a mental health journal. I still write in the mental health journal. I would write specific prompts, like what triggers made me want to drink or what I am grateful for. You can find an endless list of writing prompts online.

Another important thing I started was I went for a walk when I felt the urge to drink. Sometimes in the evenings, when I used to drink the most, I would go for three walks or more, each at least 20 minutes. 

With just the slightest passing thought of drinking, out the door I went. After just a few weeks of doing this, I started dropping weight. And I wasn’t nearly as depressed. 

This is where I realized that I could control myself. Replace a bad habit with a good one.

So now I’m several weeks in from not having a drink; I’m mentally feeling better, thinking clearly, and physically getting better. These changes led me to read and research online topics like fitness, motivation, and living a healthy lifestyle. I really enjoyed the research, and I started writing in my journal about different things I read. 

One of the first things I learned was that exercising releases endorphins which make you feel better. Hey, a triple win; I’m losing weight, not nearly as depressed, and not drinking. 

I was out on one of my walks and I thought, “Hey, I feel happy”. I can walk to that spot right now and point it out to you.

I had worked out before, but not like I was now. Before, I was never really consistent. So since I liked researching and weight lifting, I began looking into getting a trainer. I thought if I’m going to do this, I want to do it right.  

The problem was that with my work schedule, I would be in the gym around 5 am. Only a few trainers will meet you in the gym at that time in the morning. None around where I live.

My research led me to contact and work with Mike Gettier of GettFit.com. Mike gave me workout plans, dieting strategies, and his cell number, so if I had questions or needed support, I could call or text anytime.

Hey, I’ve got someone on my side who wants to help me look and feel better. I felt comfortable enough to ask Mike any questions, and he answered them all. Mike was able to help me so much physically and mentally. I was struggling once, and wasn’t really focusing the way I should have been. And Mike texted me these words – “Remember why you started”. And that helped.

So now I’m fully into living a healthy lifestyle. My newfound journaling skills and research led me to take classes on becoming a master-certified life coach focusing on motivation and mindset. I also studied nutrition and became a NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine) Certified Nutrition Coach!

That led me to start my website I call Mentally39. I wanted to share what I was learning; I write about mental health, mindset, motivation, and things related to a healthy lifestyle. It’s only a few months old but it’s gaining some traction.

Am I a great writer? No, but that doesn’t stop me from practicing and putting my material out there. Having the website has been wonderful for me; I can reach more people, and I stay busy writing about topics that I care about.

What would you recommend other people do if they were in your shoes?

My advice is to find a healthy outlet that works for you. Some people like to draw or do photography. Write poetry, a short story, or whatever works for you. Take a class at a local college or get online. You can find online communities for almost everything. If you can’t find one, create it, maybe that is your calling.

What helped me was journaling and wanting to help people. People like me have struggled in the past and are trying to get themselves together. Develop a plan, and set very specific goals (SMART Goals). My goal for the future is to write my own motivational mindset material that people can and will use. Not just read over it but put it into practice.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Growing up in the 80’s people didn’t talk about mental health. Tell someone you were depressed and you would get the typical “just cheer up”. People were afraid to talk about mental issues, some people were afraid of losing their jobs.

Afraid that if they talked to their doctor about it, the work insurance would report them or somehow their boss would find out. And people are still afraid to talk about it, I think it’s slightly less so now than in the past, but not by much.

Depression is tough to talk about to someone who doesn’t have it, but I think people are a lot more aware now. No, I’m not always sad, I’m just not an over-the-top happy person at times.

And being a guy, it’s tough, meds can impact you sexually, which can make you feel less of a man. If you are married please talk to your spouse, and let them know what is going on.

Do I find it hard to talk about my mental health issues? Not anymore, before, yes. I didn’t have the tools to properly express myself before. Now I write my thoughts and emotions down, come back a day or two later, and rewrite them. Basically an edit or final version.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I want people to know that there is help and that you can change. Is it going to be easy? Probably not. Especially at the beginning. Think of it as learning a new skill or a new sport. Something that you have never done before.

Chances are you are not going to be very good at it. Let’s take golf as an example; you could buy some clubs, find a golf course, and teach yourself. And I can tell you you are going to struggle a lot. 

Or you could hire a professional and get better a lot quicker. Same with your mental health. Find a professional that you like and take lessons. Take the advice they give and really practice. If the first coach doesn’t work out, find another. With Zoom, and all the apps available, you can have a mental lesson pretty much anywhere at any time. But you have to take that first step and get help. That pro isn’t going to come to find you.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• One of the first books I ever read to try on self-improvement was Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman I read that back in the late 2000s probably. Basically, in a very small nutshell, would you allow someone to talk to you, the way you talk to yourself? And that has stuck with me, did I always apply it, that would be a no. Still, it’s a good read.

• Find Your Why by Simon Synek, David Mead and Peter Docker is currently beside me on my desk. It is about finding your purpose, it is somewhat of a mix of business and motivation. I can clearly see myself using this to help motivate students in the classroom.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can check my website – Articles I write are posted here, along with motivational quotes

On Facebook and Instagram, I post motivational, mental health, or informational tidbits I find interesting.

If I can help anyone at all, I will try my best. If you just need to vent about something you are more than welcome to contact me.

I will respond as soon as I can. Just know that I may be teaching and not available for an immediate response. But I will get back to you. 

If you are hurting and think you may hurt yourself or someone else please call 911 or the suicide hotline which is 988

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Battling Depression and Alcoholism With Exercise and Journaling appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Mary and I live outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States. I currently work as a mental health therapist in both private practice and as a school-based counselor.

I reside with my boyfriend of 9 years, we own our home. We have two cats that are like our children, more or less. I love running, hiking, camping, drawing, reading, science fiction, and spooky things.

I have been a runner for around 10 years now and am rather passionate about it. I look at it as a competition with myself. I am also passionate about integrative mental health care, and how our general wellness and physical health impact our mental health. I am also passionate about human rights. I have an older sister, two nieces, a nephew, and a great-nephew. 

I find it important to consider how you physically feel and how ensuring you physically feel well is a major part of our mental health.

Running started, for me, as something to do after I graduated high school and entered college. I was a competitive dancer for 10 years and had danced for 14 years by the time I graduated high school. I was not going to dance during college and took up running.

I found a community in it at the time, as well. It positively impacted my mental health and my general sense of well-being and happiness. It has become increasingly more difficult to find the balance in my life to maintain that level of physical activity, so I can’t rely on running as much anymore.

I think maintaining physical wellness is really important. I learned that happiness is not a destination, it is found along the journey. So, overall I would say I am happy. Maybe not every day, but certainly overall at this point in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD. Some of my anxiety stems from ADHD. It is really stressful to manage ADHD symptoms and it impacts my mood more times than it doesn’t.

I experience difficulty staying on task, and I “zone out” a lot, especially when things aren’t engaging. It is really, really difficult to focus.

It took me setting aside specific time to answer these questions when I was able to actually stay on task.

My symptoms didn’t start until adulthood, I always had an outlet growing up, and exercising is really helpful in managing the symptoms. It puts me in a focused headspace that generalizes to other parts of my life.

I use a lot of self-talk. But, anxiety and depression definitely suck the happiness out of my life. I didn’t grow up in a happy household either, so I never learned the skills to manage these things until I reached adulthood. College made a difference, as I met people who had these skills and I learned from them. Plus the program I was in for psychology taught me a lot about myself which helped me learn how to cope more effectively. 

The symptoms probably started earlier than I can remember but I remember for sure around 10 years old when my parents formally divorced. I didn’t know how to cope.

I didn’t have much privacy so I never kept a diary. I tried to a few times but without success. Around 16 years old I had my first panic attack and anxiety just became a part of my life from that point. I didn’t understand what I was experiencing or feeling, and there wasn’t this push to address mental health at the time.

Therapy was still something people didn’t talk about. Journaling wasn’t something that was encouraged as a way to understand yourself better. Diaries were just places where you vented, not where you processed.

I now have a far better understanding of my experiences including how some of my struggle was related to ADHD and not exclusively anxiety and depression but they still were there. It’s every day though that it impacts me.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I felt lost in every sense of the word. I didn’t understand myself in relation to others. I wasn’t happy anywhere I went or with anyone.

I wasn’t happy alone, with my friends, family, boyfriend, work, anywhere. I felt most at peace when I was running, hiking, or reading a fantasy novel. I found peace in nature or books.

I isolated myself even when I was present. I became really good at hiding what was going on in my head. I pretended to be happy, mostly because I didn’t want anyone to know I wasn’t. And I knew it wasn’t anything that anyone else was doing, I just felt so unfulfilled. 

I can remember no one asking if I was okay. Which made me think that I didn’t have a reason to not be okay. Like I needed to be okay. That I didn’t have a single reason to be unhappy.

This was so invalidating. But I also didn’t see any way out. Like this was going to be a perpetual state of unhappiness that couldn’t be resolved. It was the loneliest I had ever been. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I remember this day so clearly. I had been a mess for at least 8 years. But, I functioned so well, no one could tell.

Until they could. For a year or so, I was probably spiraling. My boyfriend was tired of it and he told me to act like I wanted to be in a relationship as much as I say I want to be.

This was the “ah-ha!” moment for me. I was so consumed in my own misery that I couldn’t see how much it was impacting him. I hated that I was doing that. So I sought out therapy.

I had a few different ones but they all helped in their own way. The first one helped me get my act together by changing behaviors. I wasn’t ready to go in person so I did the online therapy services.

I would have to say, 40% of my change was because of the circumstances, if it wasn’t for him saying something I wouldn’t have made the change when I did and the other 60% was the behavior changes I made. 

By being more mindful and aware of my actions I was able to change how I saw things. This definitely increased my sense of happiness.

It is amazing how deep in the forest of my own unhappiness I was. I couldn’t see the sky above or the other side of the forest. But, having important people in my life and just needing a change made a difference.

That is why I say 40% can be attributed to the circumstances at the time. I had so much going on but my boyfriend is important to me. I couldn’t live with my own unhappiness affecting him.

I could have just kept doing what I was doing and dealt with the consequences but I didn’t want to. I spent more time with friends, I began eating better, I utilized my support, and I eventually even changed jobs. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

This is a multi-year journey and is something that must be worked on forever. It isn’t like a magic pill that you can take that makes your life better, is a mindset and lifestyle change. 

I stopped considering happiness as something external. This didn’t take a therapist to learn but I did learn just by reading articles and books.

Happiness will never be found externally. Things and people may contribute to your happiness but they can’t be the source of it. Happiness comes from ourselves. 

I work on this every day. I do my best not to talk to myself as I wouldn’t talk to anyone I cared about. If I wouldn’t say it to my friends I do my best to not say it to myself. 

I treat food as fuel and something that keeps me going. I do my best not to judge the food that I eat, it fuels me. 

I make a point to talk to and spend time with my friends. This is important because my job is emotionally draining and sometimes I can get into a loop of just wanting to be alone, but friends are necessary and good for us. 

I make time for myself. So doing things that are just for me. Reading, playing a video game, creating something. I personally love to draw so I make time for that. It is uninterrupted time for things that are just for me. 

I remind myself that sometimes things are exactly as they appear and we don’t need to look any further into them. 

And then there’s therapy, lots of therapy. My therapist and I work on this a lot. Not everything is mine to bear or fix. I take on other people’s stuff too much and it is a lot of childhood trauma where I was responsible for other people’s happiness at the cost of my own.

But we aren’t responsible, we are only responsible for our actions and emotions. We can influence others’ feelings but we aren’t responsible for them. 

Another thing my therapist and I work on is setting healthy boundaries. Especially with work. My identity is not my job, it is not my career, I am so much more than that.

We all are so much more than what we produce. We are complex beings and all of that should be given attention and not just what we do for others.

This also applies to friendships that might not be a good fit for us. We are allowed to grieve friendships and we are allowed to let go and move on past them. Sometimes our growth doesn’t align with other people’s growth and we grow past them. That is okay! 

Jobs or relationships sometimes just do not grow with us. That doesn’t mean we stop growing and let unhappiness and misery swallow us. That means we mourn the loss but keep growing. 

Another thing I learned from therapy is that we cannot be anyone other than who we are. Stop pretending. We will not be everyone’s favorite cup of tea but it doesn’t mean we aren’t good as we are.

I needed to learn to just be myself. This is something I am still working on because I am still trying to figure out who that is. But I have a far better understanding of that than I did before.

I was bullied for who I was growing up, but she is super rad and I liked who she was. So that is something I am still working on. But, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you are good as you are.

We can grow more into who we are just because that is how life goes, but we don’t have to do that to make other people more comfortable. That’s the difference.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Sheesh, I am still trying to work on sharing this with other people. But I share it with my boyfriend and my closest friends. Just because we all struggle and it is okay to normalize it.

Once I started normalizing my own struggle, I noticed people around me shared theirs as well and we were learning from one another. I was afraid to appear weak or broken by sharing what I was experiencing. But, I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t.

I found it difficult to share my struggle with my parents. I didn’t want them to feel at fault because I needed help, but they partially were. Their choices impacted me a lot as a child. So I was afraid to share things with them, more of me wanting to make everyone comfortable around me.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Struggling is normal, it is okay to talk to someone about it. If you aren’t ready for that, then buy a book. If you don’t like to read, listen to a podcast or listen to the book on Audible.

But don’t get in your own way. That’s the hardest thing I had to learn. For a long time, I was my own worst enemy. I was stopping myself from feeling happiness. I was stopping myself from continuing on my journey.

There are so so so many resources out there now. There isn’t a reason to not heal. The temporary discomfort of healing is so much easier and shorter than the prolonged discomfort from fear of happiness.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Personally, I just like anything by Brene Brown. I recommend her generally speaking. She has done TED Talks and she has a podcast. Looking her up and seeing what she has out there, you can learn so much. 
• When learning about my own trauma I found the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk to be super helpful.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can follow me on Instagram or connect with me on LinkedIn!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression: My Journey to Finding Peace appeared first on Tracking Happiness.