Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m so honored to be here. My name is Sarah Ezrin. I’m an author and yoga teacher based in the Bay Area where I live with my two little boys (four and one and a half years old), husband, and our dog. I released my first non-fiction book five months ago today! It’s called The Yoga of Parenting and is definitely my third baby. 

I’m a freelancer for a number of different print and online publications and write on the subjects of parenthood, wellness, and mental health, often interweaving all three.

Though I still consider myself a yoga teacher, I’m not currently teaching on a schedule anywhere. But I still prioritize moving my body and try to do some kind of physical activity every day. I love mindful movement.

I definitely consider myself happy, overall, but I’m also scared 24/7. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so often I will feel anxious or worried without a specific cause. I just walk around with a general sense of dread. It manifests as butterflies in my solar plexus.

Some days I find myself fighting against it, trying to do everything I can to make it go away. This never works and only ends up exacerbating things! Other times, I am able to sit with it and be with it. 

Last night, I was reading in bed and I realized I didn’t feel scared and I tried to savor it, which of course, made me feel anxious!

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I’ve been grappling with mental health my entire life. I have been anxious for as long as I can remember (and the more I learn about generational trauma and epigenetics, the more I wonder if it’s been since birth!). 

At eight years old, there was a lot of turmoil in my home and I started acting out. I was misdiagnosed as having Bipolar disorder and put on a slew of medicines.

It took four years before I was accurately diagnosed with GAD and weaned off the medicine. For the next almost thirty years after that (I’m now 41), I lived with constant anxiety as my baseline. 

I fell in love with meditation and movement as temporary reliefs, but after class I would be right back where I started. I had my first son a few months before the COVID-19 shutdowns. Postpartum is already an isolating time, but then I was cut off from any support.

I was terrified from the moment he was born and deeply understood what people meant when they said, “Your heart is now walking outside of your body.”

My anxiety got progressively worse. I would be completely overwhelmed anytime I was out of the house with him. Everything seemed too loud. I was plagued by intrusive thoughts.

There were times I would be frozen and unable to take action. Sometimes that would happen while out in public with him. I was also incredibly angry. Angry with my husband, the medical system, and the world. 

When my son was around 8 months old, I found a psychiatrist I deeply trusted and he diagnosed me with Postpartum Anxiety Disorder and mild Postpartum Depression. It was a huge relief to be seen and understood and I started treatment. 

I began medication, which can be a bit of a taboo in the wellness and yoga worlds. A lot of people believe you can “heal” yourself through diet and meditation.

But I had been trying that approach my whole life and though I definitely had periods where my anxiety was lessened, this was a point where I needed way more help. I started Prozac and it literally saved my life.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I felt frozen with fear and completely locked up. Like someone had poured cement over me and I was unable to move, but at the same time, my heart rate was still super fast and I had the urge to run.

I just couldn’t because I was stuck. I would be physically exhausted, but my mind wouldn’t stop, which made sleep impossible. I was terrified to hand my baby to people. Yes, there was the real threat of the pandemic, but even with close family or pods, I felt this urgency to be with him.

I couldn’t really articulate what was happening, either. Which as a writer is unusual! Instead, it would come out in anger. I couldn’t see the bigger picture. I would only see the threat or disruption.

For example, if my husband took my son for a walk and they came back ten minutes late for his nap time, I’d be furious (read: scared) when they got home that his nap schedule was tampered with, rather than grateful for the break. 

There was very little joy. I’m someone who uses humor and laughter as medicine in the darkest of times, but I couldn’t find anything funny about what was happening. Even the most joyous moments with my son were tinged with darkness and thoughts about our mortality. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The Prozac took some time to settle into my system and in fact, I went through a week or so where I was completely wiped out and needed to sleep most of the day, but we figured out the right dosage, and little by little, everything began to feel lighter.

We had moved from our tiny apartment in San Francisco to a beautiful one-story home by the Bay, which also meant I was spending way more time outside. In SF, it’s often foggy and cold, but in Marin, the sun was shining more days than not and people were out and about. 

I think something lifted around the Fall of 2020 a month after we had lived in our new home. Our garden was filled with fallen leaves and I did a little photoshoot with the baby. I was crying and laughing because every picture was a mess. His eyes were closed or mine or the leaves were blocking the lens.

A few months prior I would have given up or gotten frustrated. Or not have the energy to continue. Instead, I was able to savor every second of the process and appreciate the blunders.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I’ve learned over the years of trial and error that there is never just one magic solution. It’s a tool kit of support and resources. All my years of yoga and meditation were still valuable, I just needed a little more help from medication.

And frankly, were it not for the Prozac calming my anxiety, I wouldn’t have been able to reap the benefits of my spiritual practices. It’s all cyclical and feeds into the next.

My advice to others going through a similar experience is not to expect any one thing to be the magic fix, but rather to embrace many different tools as a part of your mental health wellness tool kit. Also, don’t give up on something if it isn’t working.

For example, it takes a few tries to find the right dosage but also a few years to find the right therapist. Maybe yoga interests you, but you don’t like doing it in public. Try online courses. It takes time and attention, but you are worth that time and attention.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I’m very open about my journey and struggles both within my family and publicly through my social media platforms. Interestingly, I seem to be able to share more openly through my writing and online than in person, but I try to do both.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Your gut often knows what’s right for you way more clearly than society’s expectations or taboos. Trust that kind inner voice telling you that you are worth the work. You are.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I’m a mom of two very little kids, so my favorite author is Dr. Daniel Siegel. He’s a neurobiologist who’s written a number of books about how our brains respond and ways we can rewire old traumas. My favorite book of his is Parenting From the Inside Out.

Gabor Maté is brilliant when it comes to the topics of trauma and addiction. I love his conversational style. He was recently on Dax Shepherd’s podcast, Armchair Expert and it was brilliant.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

I’m a yoga educator, content creator, and a mom living in the San Francisco Bay Area. I also wrote a book called ‘The Yoga of Parenting‘. My passion lies in supporting others on their wellness and parenting journeys. Through my writing, classes, and social media presence, I strive to create a space where everyone can feel acknowledged and understood. If you’d like to know more or connect, feel free to reach out to me on Instagram TikTok, or YouTube.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I’m an open book and an oversharer, so I’m sure I covered more than you might have been expecting! A good question might be how things are going now.

I had a second son and the postpartum experience was completely different. It felt like a beautiful do-over and I really got to soak in the magic that is that post-birth time.

Both my sons are older now, my youngest is 1.5yr and my eldest is 4yr. My tool kit is pretty similar, though I meditate for much longer than I used to. I have also added in the program of Al-Anon which is for families and friends of alcoholics and that’s been a great source of peace for me.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Meditation and Wellness Helped Me Navigate GAD and Transform My Life appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi there! I’m Stephanie, a photographer based in a small town in Wisconsin. I’ve been running my own photography business for 10 years now, and my number one passion is capturing life’s moments through my lens.

I also love reading and learning new things, and I consider myself a happy person. For me, happiness is a choice, and I’ve worked hard to overcome my inner critic that tells me I’m not good enough.

I am in a relationship with a wonderful person. He is also a photographer, so we have lots of fun together. I live with my son and our cat Leo. 

I love books and learning new things. One of my favorite topics to read about is mindset training. Being in charge of my thoughts- versus, letting them consume me. 

Being in charge of my thoughts means that I have more control over my life- and that means that I get to decide if I want to be happy or not.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was diagnosed with PTSD around the age of 40, but I had been struggling for much longer. I was aware of my symptoms, but I didn’t know the extent of my trauma until a friend told me about Brainspotting. I found a therapist who specialized in Brainspotting, and we began working together.

The first step in Brainspotting is to assess the client’s symptoms and identify any underlying trauma. My PTSD stemmed from the trauma I endured when I became pregnant with twins at 16.

They were born prematurely and both struggled with ongoing health problems. One of them developed cerebral palsy, and the other struggled with ADD and a nonverbal learning disorder.

At 16, I was ill-equipped to handle a pregnancy, let alone a traumatic delivery, and having twins in the NICU for three months. While the focus was on the babies, as it should be, I was struggling with the shock of an unwanted pregnancy and the premature birth of my children. The stress, fatigue, loneliness, and isolation took their toll on me. I had no outlet, no community, and no support.

I lived with this trauma for many years, and it held me back in many ways. I couldn’t develop deep relationships with other people because I couldn’t develop one with myself. PTSD impacted my entire life.

Now, looking back at the trauma and fear I experienced starting at the age of 16, my heart hurts for that girl. She was literally living with the trauma of the preterm labor, the medical issues, the family issues, and everything else. There was no way even an adult could handle that on their own. It affected my entire life.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I never understood why I couldn’t just be happy. I would beat myself up over it, wondering why I couldn’t be content with my beautiful home and fulfilling life. But my PTSD and trauma had a profound impact on my happiness and the happiness of my family.

I tried to hide my anxiety and fears from everyone, but they often left me feeling depressed, tired, and isolated. I was always trying to be better than the person I thought I was.

My trauma was buried so deep that it had become a part of my identity. I really thought I was a bad person and that I was unworthy of happiness. I didn’t realize that there was a different way to think or live.

All the things that should have made me feel better – a gym membership, hiking in nature – made me feel worse. I felt numb and empty, and I was angry at myself for not being able to enjoy them. Trauma and my inner critic ruled my life.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

In March 2022, I decided to take a month in Santa Barbara to figure out my life. Being in a new town gave me the space to see who I really was and what I wanted.

I went to Zumba, joined a meditation group, and went for walks on the beach. I finally felt safe, and I began to heal the fear and trauma I had accumulated over the years.

During that month, I realized that I needed to get divorced and move into my own space. It was a difficult decision, but it was the right one for me. I was finally ready to be myself and to live the life I wanted.

After I left my marriage, my life began to change rapidly. I started to understand the books I had read about mindset, joy, and gratitude. I realized that I was in control of my thoughts and feelings and that I could choose to focus on the things that brought me joy.

I now feel free to express myself, and I am using my voice to help others feel good about themselves, to make a difference, and to make choices for themselves.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Being a teen mom was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I felt insecure, alone, unworthy, and ashamed. It breaks my heart to write this because I can still feel all of those emotions.

If you’re struggling with these feelings, for any reason, I want you to know that I love you. I don’t know you, but I know your struggles, your heart, and the strong love you give out. You just haven’t found a safe place to receive that love back yet. But I love you.

I know the courage it takes to just be here, to show up every day. I know how hard it is just to be you. And even if you think your strength is gone and you want to give up, you have to keep going.

There are good people in the world who really do just want you to be happy. You have to use your strength to find those people. But first, you have to find a safe place to be yourself.

All the therapists, walks, hikes, and motivational books in the world won’t help you until you’re in a safe place to receive the love and kindness you deserve.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

A single piece of advice I would give is that don’t worry about what other people think. You have to do you. Until they have walked a mile in your shoes- they cannot give you advice or judge you. The second thing, learn meditation. It’s a literal lifesaver.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
• The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk.
• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, also love Eat, Pray, Love!
• Meditations with Sara Mclean (Youtube). 
• Sue Bryce Podcast– here’s my favorite.
• Prince Charming Isn’t Coming By Barabara Stanny.
• Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me here, or on Instagram, LinkedIn and Facebook.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I would love to talk about my morning routine for happiness and abundance! It is a huge part of who I am and why I am able to choose happiness.

Every morning, I stay off social media and write out my day hour by hour on paper. This helps me silence my overactive, judgy, and critical mind later in the day when it’s at its loudest. After taking my son to school, I walk my dog and then meditate for 10-15 minutes, usually with a guided meditation on YouTube or with relaxing music.

I schedule time into my day for walks with my dog, coffee with a friend, or an afternoon hike. And every day, I try to do at least one thing that will make me happy. I literally ask myself, “What could I do today that makes me happy?” And I do it!

I had a marketing coach who would always say, “What makes you happy? What makes you joyful?” I really appreciated that question because if you’re not happy, you’re not going to attract clients!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Therapy and Meditation Helped Me Navigate Birth Trauma as a Teen Mom appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I’m Michael Matucci. I love igniting the truth and empowering leaders to to break through to their destiny. Words, classes, and movies are my mediums to spark men and women to overcome their own traumas, issues, and insecurities and eventually use them to inspire others. 

Currently, I run an academy, Encompass Life, for those choosing breakthrough results in their lives. Located in Florida, we do online and in-presence journeys for people to find their own happiness, and so, as a leader, I get to go first! In the ten years of my own study here and elsewhere, I earned my PhD.

On the side, I bring forth creations that celebrate the light in others, especially those that have emerged from the darkest places. Overcomers of gang violence, homelessness and sex trafficking are some of the most powerful and interesting people you’ll ever meet. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have lived a life of dreams across five continents, learning and communicating in the local languages, and jumping into the jobs that arose. Ready or not, here I go! I checked off my entire bucket list in my 20s. 

It sounds glamorous, and for a long time it was; however, like the social media profiles people portray, there’s much more beyond what people see and think. 

Amidst the thousands of interactions that I had, with people across the globe, one can get a sense of aloneness. I was the outsider. Frequently being fresh on the scene, it took time for new acquaintances to let me into their rooted, organized lives. 

My surroundings frequently changed, and I spent tons of energy learning a whole new city, country, and language. When it wasn’t a new language, it was a new project or profession in a new industry or subject. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I’d like to add a little clarity to this question. Struggles or situations on the outside cannot make us feel anything, that’s our choice. Feelings are our responsibility. 

I didn’t realize that at the time, and it was really easy to be distracted by all the new things! When I wasn’t whizzing by them or stuffing them down, I did notice an emptiness inside. I would typically turn the page.

As I began a path of going within when I started studying deep acting work, I started noticing what I’d buried. There were longings for people and places where I’d connected profoundly. During one particular period, I found myself feeling quite depressed. 

I attempted to utilize it in the dramatic arts work I was doing at the time. Much remained untouched. Once in a while, I’d open up, which was a big surprise to people accustomed to seeing me upbeat and full of energy, so I’d close again. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I turned things around in two phases, both had to do with spiritual work. My first phase was filled with high-level yoga, meditation, and other Eastern practices. I started busting through blocks and strongholds I didn’t know that I had. Over time, more and more rays of joy came popping through.

After years of work I thought I was 80% there, and it was thus time to start helping others. I left my financial security, home, and friends in LA, and stepped into full spiritual service. That experience, again abroad as well as across America, reintroduced me to some more challenging circumstances and revealed there was more to go.

It was with Mark Scherer and Encompass Life that my happiness meter reached a whole new level. We discovered many hidden blocks and patterns, we all have hundreds inside, that required to be dealt with for me to live my highest life. Wow, has it been an amazing journey!

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

The ultimate thing that I did to reverse my circumstance was to find the place of union, the opposite of aloneness, inside of myself. All the work that I did on and in myself prepared me to actually tap into the well within that connects me to the Divine. From then on, it’s been a feeling of wholeness, completeness, and community for me!

The key to change is in you. It’s not going to be in any drug or medicine, therapy, or wild outdoor adventure. Even the joy of a terrific new partner will only cover up what’s in you for so long. It has to come out. That’s life.

You are required to work on yourself if you choose to have happiness constantly flowing from within. When you do, you face these challenges in you and turn them into treasures, then you can even ignite happiness around you. 

It’s essential to understand that Life is happening for you, not to you. Mental awareness of that is huge, but it is only the first step.

Self-empowerment is the key. Go for the tools to equip you for this journey. We teach them at Encompass Life. There are others who will also lift you. Choose someone who will teach you how to fish instead of giving you the fish. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

What I found was that talking about struggles gives them power. If someone sympathizes with them, it then compounds them. Now, there are two of you wallowing. That’s of little use unless you’re acting in a movie.

Yes, of course, bring them up, and then do something about them. Make a new choice. Take a new action. Get a new skill. If you talk about them with someone, be sure it’s someone who is going to see you and then assist you forward. 

I do share my prior struggles now as a way to open the pathway for others. When you learn everything you can about the situation you’re in, and then navigate your way out, over, and beyond it, then you can help people in your predicament do the same!

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

It’s essential to understand that life is happening for you, not to you. Self-empowerment is the key. Go for the tools to equip you for this journey. This includes developing strong direct communication with the Creator, the Source of all. That’s where your answers are!

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I have read hundreds of books and watched hundreds more educational videos and classes. You can check my reading list for a few of the most profound transformational texts. 

There’s only so much you’ll get from books. The key is to realize that you are the answer. You co-create your experiences. You can tap into divine intelligence as much as any author, teacher, or guru when you develop yourself and stay on that road. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

My personal site is MichaelMatucci.com and my transformational company site is EncompassLife.com. 

My social media handles are @michaelmatucci and @quantumleaptechnique. 

Feel free to send me a message here if you’d like to get in touch with me!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Found Wholeness and Completeness Inside of Myself appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I’m Claire E. Parsons, a lawyer, wife and mother, mindfulness teacher, blogger, and author. I practice in the areas of employment and labor, local government, and litigation in the Cincinnati area.

I’ve been practicing law for about 15 years and teaching mindfulness to lawyers and professionals for about five years. I consider myself happy now but I’ve had to fight for it. 

The happiness came when I learned to accept who I was and follow the path I wanted even though it was different from what I expected. People ask me a lot how I manage to practice law, be a mom, and do the “extra” work of teaching mindfulness and writing.

The truth is that this “extra work” energizes me and lets me use the skills and traits I don’t get to use in law practice. It helps me feel like I am making a difference in my community in multiple ways and that means a lot. Even on hard days, I think that meaning is what makes me happy.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My struggle was excessive overthinking, unchecked anxiety, difficulty asking for help, and a lack of self-compassion. This started for me as a kid. I would think for hours and days sometimes about possible problems and never ask for help. Even though I knew deep down that this was not normal, I was too ashamed and afraid to ask for help.

Usually, this problem went unnoticed because I got good grades, was good at sports, and outwardly seemed to be happy enough. In truth, I was lonely, scared, never felt good enough, and I had no ability to handle adversity because good results were how I measured my own worth. 

Though I have wonderful, supportive parents, I think some of this happened because I tried very hard to be the “good girl” in my family who didn’t make problems for other people.

Over time, this turned into perfectionism and an inability to ask for help for myself. As expectations and demands in life increased, the problems got bigger and I found myself overwhelmed frequently by trying to handle life all by myself. 

Though I got through college and law school, I had periods of depression which I managed with therapy and medication. Those provided some introspection and healing but real change for me didn’t happen until I had begun my law practice.

I still experience some of these same traits today. Some of these patterns I know are part of my personality, but the big difference now is that I am aware of my patterns and have better skills for responding to them. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

The worst moment with this struggle was when I developed a severe, but fortunately short-lived period of postpartum depression after the birth of my first daughter.

I was an associate in my law firm at the time in the first few years of practice. I was trying to manage a busy caseload and learn how to practice law.

My daughter was diagnosed with IUGR during the pregnancy and I had to do extra appointments to manage her growth. Ultimately, she remained small and I was induced at 37 weeks with a difficult labor and then I could not breastfeed her as I had planned. 

This situation threw everything about my identity into doubt. I felt like I wasn’t a good woman because I couldn’t grow and feed my baby. I felt like I had lost my career because I couldn’t focus on my law practice the way I had planned. The truth is that I felt worthless and ashamed.

While I had hidden some of my other experiences with depression, the lack of sleep after having my daughter caused me to break down. Though I am normally calm and reserved, I began crying frequently and my family became aware of my struggles.

My family pitched in to support me and help me get more sleep but ultimately my mother insisted I see a doctor about depression. It was a pivotal moment for me and one I am grateful for to this day. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Things started turning around as soon as I called the doctor to talk about PPD, but my life direction didn’t really start to change until later. Therapy and medication helped me to stabilize and start to let go of some of the more distressing and intense perfectionist thoughts.

It also helped me to grow as a mother, develop a relationship with my daughter, and see how amazing she really was. About a year after her birth, though, I was back at work and totally overwhelmed. 

It was during this time that I started meditating. I started only at 1-2 minutes a day because it was all I could handle, but it immediately helped. It helped me just to stop and notice my thoughts. It helped me to rest and manage my stress and fatigue.

Later on down the road, my practice helped me to build self-compassion and face some of the more daunting emotions and patterns, like perfectionism, self-doubt, and loneliness.

Over time, I started building and relying on my community more, getting more involved as a leader in and outside of my law firm, and writing and speaking.

Eventually, my whole career and personal life felt different and it was because I was finally living life on my terms and treating myself with kindness. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Meditation was foundational to me because it helped me see what I was thinking. This put me in a position where I could challenge my thoughts, realize that some of my actions were mere habits that I could change, and listen to the inklings that I had otherwise ignored.

This helped me face and address the negative patterns and emotions (like doubt and loneliness) and act on the good ideas I had been habitually overlooking (like writing and seeking out more speaking opportunities). 

Another thing that changed was that I started to reach out and get help. The challenges I described above made me pretty lonely because I usually did things on my own. I started to change this when I let myself follow my passions by joining and leading organizations.

I also got a great mentor through one of the organizations and, for the first time, got advice and input from someone instead of doing everything alone. 

In combination, meditation helped me develop some basic self-care strategies so that I could get in touch with who I was and manage difficulty and stress.

Once that was established, I could then grow and expand over the minimal requirements of my work to network, market, and lead in my community.

Over time, this engendered more happiness because I was doing the things in life that mattered to me and felt like I had a real stake in my community. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

At this point, I have learned to do so and have done so extensively and in public. I have shared this story several times in articles, my blog, my book, and often in presentations and interviews. Doing so has been liberating in many ways but it has taken time and a lot of courage.

The first challenge was for me to acknowledge my own difficulty and accept that it was a struggle at all. I was so lost in perfectionism that, at first, I didn’t accept that I was struggling. 

Over time, I more openly sought out help and support from loved ones and friends. And, then, I started to write. At first, I wrote only legal articles for trade magazines. Then I branched out to other topics, like law practice, and eventually to discussing life topics.

After numerous articles and several years, I wrote about mindfulness for the first time and a mentor encouraged me to present about mindfulness for a professional women’s summit. 

This was the first time I spoke about my struggles with stress and mental health and talked about mindfulness practices in public. The session was a hit and it taught me how valuable stories are, so I kept sharing them. 

People ask me all the time how I am able to write so much and my most common answer is that writing is a mental health practice for me, just like meditation. Part of this is just getting thoughts out of my brain, but the other part is learning about and sharing my life with the world.

I don’t think everyone else must share the way I do to be happy, but I encourage anyone who reaches out to me to write or create in whatever way is calling them because it has been so impactful for me. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

The thing I always come back to when asked this question is that there is hope because things can change. With anxiety, you often feel like you can’t control anything because there is so much uncertainty in life and you can’t control your own thoughts.

With depression, you may feel hopeless and like your sadness will never end. For a long time, I thought being unhappy, lonely, and afraid was just who I was. 

When I had my daughter, though, I realized that I had to find a way to be happy. What was really amazing was that I didn’t have to change who I was at all to find happiness. Instead, I had to change my behaviors and patterns.

Once I learned to manage my stress and anxiety, seek out help, let creativity into my life, and open up to the world, I couldn’t believe how different life felt.

This is not to say that every day is wonderful or that I am never down. I still struggle with low moods or hard times like anyone, but now I have skills and resources and I know I am not facing life alone. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

First, I want to say that I read a lot so this was really hard for me. I do book reviews and resource recommendations on my blog frequently and many favorites are covered there.

There are, of course, some authors that I have come back to over the years again and again and they include the following: 

• Tara Brach was the first meditation teacher I followed and read extensively. Her podcast and books helped me realize that there was nothing wrong with me and helped me start to heal. 
• Laura Vanderkam was a writer on time management who helped me during the crazy years with my kids as little ones. Her books and podcasts helped me to keep things in perspective and realize that I could do a lot even without unlimited time. 
• Kelly McGonigal is a wonderful scientist and storyteller. She has helped me understand everything from willpower to habit change to compassion better and how the smartest people really can break down complex things in a simple way. 
• Malcolm Gladwell has given me the confidence to see connections and ideas that other people don’t see and to actually say them out loud. He has helped me understand the value of checking assumptions to see if they are really true. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can find more about me and mindfulness on my blog, Brilliant Legal Mind. The blog is on various social media platforms as well, including Facebook, Instagram, X. Threads, LinkedIn, and YouTube.

My books, Mommy Needs a Minute, and How to Be a Badass Lawyer are on Amazon and other online booksellers. I am active on LinkedIn and would love it if you reach out or connect. 

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

(This is a question I get all the time, so I am offering it here.)

Weren’t you scared when you started talking about mental health and mindfulness? How did your law firm and clients react? 

Yes, I was totally scared. I am still scared to this day. But one good thing (if you can call it that) about anxiety was that I got a little bored of being scared all of the time, so I stopped listening to it.

As it turns out, clients were understanding and my professional contacts have been supportive. In reality, I have found more benefit from my law practice from my other life of teaching mindfulness than detriment. 

I assume that there are some people out there who think I am strange or don’t get mindfulness, but that’s true about a lot of things. I trust in the practices, I have seen them work, I know that they are backed by science, and my worries force me to be humble and realistic when I teach.

I don’t push mindfulness on anyone, but I do try to make it more accessible to people new to the concepts.

This has helped me form new relationships and build confidence in myself. In the end, teaching mindfulness has helped my law practice so there really hasn’t been a conflict between the two things. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Navigated Perfectionism and Postpartum Depression With Therapy and Mindfulness appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Elijah Meason. Currently, I am a certified peer Support Specialist in the State of New Mexico. I am about to marry an amazing woman and as of this moment, my life couldn’t be better. 

Because of the struggles I have been through, I have dedicated my life to helping others in similar situations. I am working on obtaining my master’s degree and running an organization called MHAPSS that is dedicated to the development of peer support workers everywhere. 

Overall, I would say that today, I am happy.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD and that was on top of having a drug and alcohol addiction that consumed the better part of 16 years. 

As for how it all got started, well… 

My family life growing up was a little chaotic, to say the least. Drugs and alcohol were common place and I was constantly moving around. That’s not to say that my parents were using in front of me, just that it was fairly obvious as to what was going on.

Because of this, I actually grew up attending AA meetings and was introduced to “recovery” pretty early on. Even so, I would go on to spend 16 years in an alcohol and drug-induced nightmare that almost consumed my life. 

Irony at its finest. 

I set my world on fire at a young age. Drinking, getting high, and late-night adventures terrorizing the city streets were part of daily life for a long time. How I never got expelled from school is anyone’s guess. Especially considering that I had an ambulance called on me midday during class because of an overdose. 

However, my brush with death in front of the entire school did not deter me from continuing to self-destruct. In fact, it only added to my over-the-top ego and made me think I was invincible.  

At age 17 my mother took her own life and things went from bad to worse. No longer was I just a teenage rebel looking for thrills, I was running. Running from pain, running from uncertainty, and mostly running from myself.

I no longer wanted to feel so I turned to any chemical I could get my hands on. Heroin, alcohol, and even over-the-counter medications.

You name it, I was on it.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Every decision I made was dictated by whether or not it would interfere with my drug use. I knew my life was a wreck but what I didn’t know was how much worse it was about to get. I started using a needle and for the next ten years, (queue the music montage) every day was a horrific blur of pain and destruction. 

Everything became engulfed in violence, deceit, and loneliness. There were some close calls with my life, countless nights in jail, and people overdosing all around me.

Still, it wasn’t enough. I soon graduated from petty crimes to felonies and I soon found myself on the run, living on the streets of Albuquerque, NM. I felt completely hopeless and that there was no way out of the mess I was in. 

Any reasonable person could see that I needed help, but a reasonable person I was not. In fact, things only continued to escalate until finally, the State of New Mexico decided to make that choice for me. I had been on the run for multiple felonies and stealing a candy bar was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Irony, my only friend. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I quickly realized that I was destined to spend the next few years wearing an orange jumpsuit, with plenty of time to think about what I had done. What I didn’t realize (at the time) was that it was probably saving my life. 

As fate would have it, I actually found myself in the company of several men who were trying to turn things around for themselves. To be sure, this isn’t always the typical experience for someone who finds themselves locked up. However, I am eternally grateful that it was for me. 

I will be honest and say, in the beginning, I wanted nothing to do with “recovery”. I was stubborn and thought I could manage things on my own. Besides, it had never worked for my mother, why would it work for me? 

The way I saw it, recovery was for people who were weak and I didn’t need any of that cheesy nonsense in my life. 

I had a heart filled with resentment and rage. More than that, the dark shadow of my past still haunted me, and it was all I could see. However, with nothing but time, I was forced to finally face the demons I had been trying to ignore all those years. 

Everything changed with one question, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”. I had to decide, Did I want to hold on to the anger, pain, and hatred that had taken over? Did I want to take this path to the grave? Or was I willing to try something new?

So in that cell, with a scratched-up sink, metal toilet, and cinder block walls, I decided to sit down and for once in my life, listen. 

I wanted to be happy. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I learned mindfulness and meditation first. Although I was skeptical, I figured I had nothing left to lose. Little did I know, I was about to gain everything.

By chance, I found an old book that described Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and started incorporating these new skills into my mindfulness practices. 

Overcoming these challenges was no easy task. That being said, I practiced mindfulness and the skills I was learning in everything that I did. More than that, I incorporated tools from CBT such as the ABC tool, cognitive reframing, and keeping a thought record. 

Once again, irony steps into my life. All the stuff that I thought was cheesy, useless, and a complete waste of time… It worked. 

To say that it worked, I don’t mean that I am cured or that I never have difficult moments. Rather than through mindfulness and the skills from CBT, I am able to manage any symptoms I do experience. I’ve learned to be aware of how my thoughts influence my emotions and catch them before I get carried away. 

More than that, I have learned not to run from painful emotions. Mindfulness has allowed me to accept them and feel what I am feeling in the moment. I’ve come to understand that emotions are not the enemy. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

As a peer support worker and future drug and alcohol counselor, I am very open about my struggles. In fact, I have found that the more open I am about all of it, the less power it holds in my life.  

Obviously, this approach may not be for everyone. But, I think that speaking our truths is not only our own path to freedom but it helps change the stigma around mental health and addiction. Each time we tell our story, it helps shift the perspective toward empathy and compassion.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Accepting help was the turning moment in my life and it’s my recommendation for anyone struggling with mental health or addiction challenges.

More importantly, I recommend being open to the process. I’ve realized that sometimes our idea of getting better may be different from how it actually works. 

This is what kept me stuck for so many years. 

Having a therapist guide you through this process can make it easier to grasp. I’ve realized that now.

One thing to remember. 

Just because something works for one person, doesn’t mean it will work for another. Finding what works for you is the key to better mental health. Be open to new possibilities and look for wisdom in the most unexpected of places.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• As far as mindfulness goes, the book that started it all for me was Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path To Achieving Success, Happiness, (And World Peace) by Chade-Meng Tan. This book broke things down in a way that was easy to understand. More than that, it was fun. The ideas, concepts, and exercises are presented in such a way that anyone can connect with them.
• For CBT I would recommend the book Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger, Ph.D. This book presents CBT in an accessible way and provides worksheets and explanations to back up what is discussed. It gives a step-by-step process that guides you through the tools needed to change your thinking. 
• Alternatively, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Made Simple: 10 Strategies for Managing Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Panic and Worry by Seth Gillihan, is another great book. 

That being said, the most important thing is to find what works for you. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can learn more about me at one of two places:

• mhapss.com – to learn about me and the work I am doing to help others struggling with mental health and addiction.
• streetsober.com – to read more about my chaotic life in addiction.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Accepting Help and Mindfulness Became the Turning Point in My Life appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello there, I’m Bayu Prihandito. I grew up in Indonesia and moved to Germany when I was 17 to study. After college, I started working as an engineer and got promoted pretty quickly.

But even though things looked good from the outside, I knew it wasn’t the right path for me. So, I changed my career to become a psychology consultant. Now, I work as a life coach, and I really enjoy it.

One fun fact about me is that I love to dance. In fact, I started teaching dance classes when I was 18 to help pay for school. This hobby of mine has even taken me to other countries like Holland, Malaysia, France, and back to Indonesia.

I would say that I’m a happy person, but I know that happiness comes and goes. I believe that the only thing that stays constant is inner peace and gratitude.

So, I try to focus on being grateful and finding peace from within. I do this through meditation and gratitude practices, and it’s made a big difference in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My struggle was that everything I’d done in my life seemed aimed at fulfilling others’ expectations. As mentioned before, I completed my studies in engineering, earning both my bachelor’s and master’s degrees.

I wasn’t a born genius, so these achievements required a significant amount of effort, especially since they involved mastering German, a language notoriously difficult to learn.

When I began working as an engineer, I initially believed everything would change. I’d start earning and be able to afford things that had been beyond my reach.

However, as I ascended the professional ladder, I realized that the items I was buying were attempts to fill an internal void, a void impervious to material goods.

It was a challenging period for me, not least because I had started supporting my parents back home. The thought of quitting my job filled me with dread, primarily because it might mean ceasing to help my parents. Questions like, “Did I waste all these years studying the wrong subject?” and “Am I being selfish if I pursue my dreams?” began to haunt me.

Eventually, I took some time for self-reflection. I thought deeply about my life and realized that even my decision to study engineering was a move to satisfy others’ expectations.

The shame and guilt I felt when contemplating leaving my job stemmed largely from concerns about what others, including my family, would think of me.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At this stage in my life, the concept of happiness felt alien to me. Every day, I had to muster the will to get out of bed and go to work. The purpose of my job seemed to diminish with each passing day. While I resided in the largest home I’d ever had, it also housed the biggest void in my heart.

I didn’t share my struggles with many people. At this point, what others thought of me still held significant weight in my mind. I chose to reveal my truth only to my two closest friends. I vented to them every day after work. Looking back, I regret burdening them with my incessant complaints.

However, I did express my gratitude to them, acknowledging that their presence made an unimaginably challenging moment bearable. Without them, I can’t fathom how I would have navigated that tough period.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Through the inner work that I engaged in, including meditation and plenty of self-reflection, I realized I had only two options.

Option A: I continue climbing a ladder that I know isn’t right for me, acquiring a larger house, a faster car, and more material possessions to fill an ever-growing void.

Or option B: I embark on the adventure of my lifetime and discover what medium I can use, beyond engineering, to deliver value to others.

I chose Option B.

I would describe the transition as a blend of circumstances and my own deliberate actions. I feel fortunate to have understood early in my career the truth behind the adage, “Money doesn’t bring happiness”. And the steps I took required a leap of faith.

I told myself, “If you invest the same effort and time as you did in engineering, but this time also incorporate love, interest, and natural talent, you can only be at least as successful as you are now.”

I’m thankful that I made this shift early in my life. I definitely empathize with those who choose to do work they don’t enjoy simply for the sake of earning money. Perhaps they already bear the responsibility of providing for their families. Maybe their fear is too daunting to overcome.

While I believe it’s never too late to prioritize yourself and construct a meaningful life by design, I know from my own experience that it’s not a straightforward task.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

What truly aided my journey was setting aside time to sincerely ask myself what I truly desire. Before diving into any self-reflection process, I always remind myself that I need the courage to see the truth as it is.

This involves being radically honest with myself about my life, emotions, and dreams. Understand that living life based on others’ expectations isn’t the right way.

The practice that significantly benefited me was a meditation technique called Vipassana. Unlike other methods involving chanting or visualization, this form of meditation solely focuses on self-observation.

This allowed me to confront my insecurities, my fear of losing a carefully crafted identity, my dread of judgment from others, and various other fears. However, it also provided a clear vision of my genuine dreams and aspirations, not those influenced or instilled by others. 

I previously mentioned two close friends who supported me during this journey. Having someone, or even several people, who can listen empathetically and non-judgmentally proved invaluable.

While it’s crucial to believe in ourselves first, hearing supportive words during dark moments helped me regain trust in myself and my abilities to consciously design a meaningful life.

Lastly, my firm belief that the universe is on my side was profoundly helpful. I understand that my knowledge is limited. Thus, all I can do is prepare as best as possible for the future and remain open to whatever the universe may have in store for me. The discipline of working diligently and living mindfully, thereby heightening my awareness, have been the two most vital skills in my life.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I was hesitant to share my struggles with my parents. My past experiences taught me that my honesty could instill fear in them, so I chose to remain silent. My friends and colleagues were also oblivious to my situation because I sensed they lacked a genuine interest in my progress through life. I didn’t want my struggles to become fodder for small talk.

Generally, when I grapple with feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem, I confide only in my closest friends. They’re the ones who listen without judgment or making it about themselves. They gently ask if I’d like some input, and I appreciate that. Sometimes I welcome their advice and other times, I just need them to listen – and that’s perfectly okay.

In my darkest moments, I sought professional help and attended coaching sessions. The experience was transformative and it inspired me to become a life coach myself.

I’ve witnessed firsthand the powerful impact of creating a safe space for someone to be radically honest with themselves. It can truly make a difference in a person’s life.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

No one possesses the ultimate truth. The advice we receive from others is usually drawn from their personal experiences, but it doesn’t necessarily mean their truth will align with ours. This includes advice from our parents.

Although they usually offer guidance out of love, their narratives are unique to them and should not automatically become our narratives. We must consciously create our own stories, otherwise we risk blindly following in others’ footsteps.

Each of us possesses the power to construct our own meaningful lives that resonate with our core values. However, many of us forget this innate power and opt for the easier path: following the expectations of others. When things go awry, it’s convenient to blame them, saying “They told me to do this.” However, such a life lacks meaning and adventure. 

Finding the courage to take control of your life and accepting responsibility for your own happiness may be challenging, but I assure you, it’s worthwhile. Your life will become an adventurous journey you’ll never regret.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle: This book helped me realize that pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice. It helped me understand that we are not our thoughts nor our emotions and that we can always focus on the things that we can control

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me here or find me on Instagram and LinkedIn.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Stopped Being a People Pleaser & Embraced Myself to Walk My Own Path appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello, my name is Thomas and I live in Utah. I have lived here my whole life and until I graduated high school, my dad had main custody over me and my siblings. I currently have the Luxury of working for the Jazz basketball arena. It works well for me.

While I don’t currently have any pets, pets have always been a part of my life and when I am at that point in my life, I plan to get my own pets. I play racquetball as it is great for strengthening my body in good ways. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and it can make simple things really rough on my body at times.

Despite the challenges, both good and bad and God awful, I would say I’m happy today. It’s had its struggles but today, in our current lifestyle, we are happy.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Well, my struggles weren’t always straightforward or easily identified, especially by my adolescent self. But, let’s start with the point in my life where everything wrong started to flair up. I was 17, approaching 18 when my symptoms of both physical and psychological started to show.

The mask that I had lived behind my entire life had been destroyed the day I moved out of my dad’s house which was also the day I graduated high school. From there, me and my best friends moved into my grandpa’s basement where we paid rent.

While living here, I got into the job that was my dream job and one that I still miss. I got into HVAC and I wasn’t even 18 yet. That’s a good time to start a career and everything from the physical application to the thinking and planning that has to go into it, it was exactly what I wanted out of a job.

Plus it has great potential for good pay if you’re a business owner. That crashed and burned when about a month and a half, two months in, the burnout from working 8-12 hour shifts of usually intense labor burned my body out. 

Even making sure to eat to account for it and making sure to watch hydration and doing my best to use good lifting habits when moving equipment, I was just too burned out at the end of the day. I’d get home and shut down all forms of productivity as soon as I sat down.

Even more, the masks of my Autism, Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) had not only been shattered, but the exhaustion aggravated many symptoms of both.

Fast forward about a week after the worst of it had started, I ended up getting fired because in two days, damaged two floors on the same customer’s house in stupid ways as well as looked completely incompetent as the boss of the whole operation. That was the worst mental breakdown I’d had in so many years and I believe possibly one of my worst. It also paved the way for future meltdowns and panic attacks.

From there, I got a job at a place that wasn’t great for my body but was well within my range of abilities at the time. It was brainless and a warehouse job where everything was brainless to do. That is when my brain lit up with noise and when I started having anywhere from 30 seconds to 20 minutes at a time at work where I would just black out and suddenly I was somewhere else in the building and recollection wasn’t there. 

This is when I started to recognize how much was actually going on with me, and even more, I realized that I really struggled with memories of my childhood at times and sometimes I knew literally nothing about my past except for the things that I could see to trigger enough memory to at least help me know how to be where I was, but it still left gaps.

And people were saying I was having the same conversations or rediscovering the same things multiple times. Some of the things, I still haven’t been able to recall today.

I knew there was a lot wrong with me as I was definitely dysfunctional. Depression that I was unaware of hurt my already dysfunctional executive function.

I became insufferable to a lot of people in my life and I removed myself both mentally and eventually, physically.

But it wasn’t to run away, it was to ground myself again and assess everything about myself in a place where I would be free of judgment and expectation for a little while and I had plenty of that from several people. For that, I am thankful. 

I also talked to my mom a lot about my childhood and her past and relationship and we addressed neglect and instability. We discussed how these things had hurt me, and she was able to share other information outside of my view up until that point and I was able to work on building up what I knew. We talked about so many good and bad experiences and then memories we weren’t talking about started to return as well.

All of my symptoms and my experiences recovering my memory revealed OSDD/DID. I haven’t sought a diagnosis since I initially had the problems and therapy betrayed me. At that point, I went down the rabbit hole of DID/OSDD. I found words that didn’t just sound similar to my experiences but that fully resonated and then I went and found support groups and articles and read scientific and psychological studies about all these things.

In a week, I spent about 20-30 hours online in communities or reading articles about it all because there was just so much to learn. Even further, I learned how to put it into words so that anyone can understand what I have experienced.

I addressed both the things that did traumatize me and that left me with deeply seeded negative and hurtful emotions. I addressed what was neglected that didn’t actively traumatize me, but that harmed my development as a social species, behavioral patterns, and even just attachment styles.

None of those things really severely hurt or traumatized me, but it’s clear that it did have a negative impact on my development. It’s what I have personally turned to call silent trauma, which is also what I call my instability because I never felt directly impacted by all the moving and inconsistent parental connections.

But when I look back over it, I see that it was as a result of my OSDD that I never felt bad about these things and just continued to be a strong little trooper.

Despite the bad things, I still like to say I enjoyed my childhood because I can remember the good. And because instead of fighting with each other, we were able to work through the damage that was inflicted by some of my coping methods. 

The autism and OSDD combination was misdiagnosed as BPD and when they tried to treat it as such, it made things worse, resulting in me taking things into my own hands.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

When living with my grandpa and sharing the rent on a room with my best friend, I started to crumble and while my grandpa did his best to support and help despite it not being understood or relatable to him, my friend was grudgy and bossy and eventually, I could not physically speak.

I could not behave in any way that showed him I care at all. I was genuinely trapped in my body watching a disaster go from worse to what I feared would be unfixable. I actually had given up on anything being fixed shortly before it actually did fix itself. 

I was either empty, angry, severely dissociated, or so anxious my limbs were begging to explode and my heart hurt from its beats. I would panic shut down and hide in dark, quiet spaces or stay up late in silence and sleep through the day. The night was the only time I felt happy, sometimes.

When I was happy, I would actually be lost in some happy memories not normally accessible. Hell, I even behaved differently through my own eyes. That nighttime was a part of my healing journey that nobody but me understood, tolerated, and accepted as needed. I was alone here.

Luckily, my protectors, Shadow and Levi, brought our mental health struggles to people that needed to know about them. The pressure they put on me is actually what pushed me to figure my shit out. So for them, I am so grateful, both for the alters and people in my life.

But at my worst, I felt utterly alone and that’s when the life lesson really hit me hard, only you can work on yourself and only you can heal yourself, everyone and everything else that you use to do so is a tool that can help you along the way, but it takes you and your will power.

So I do believe that my worst moments in life have resulted in the greatest life lessons that have actually led me to the happiness I possess today.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The first moment I felt a positive change within myself was when I moved out of my grandpa’s and to my grandma’s (on my other parent’s side.) I started to build a foundation for myself to rebound. That was an uphill change and was the result of the actions of my protector and parental alter, Remi.

She remembers more about that time than any of us because that’s when we were all crying out for help the most. That was also the moment she made her presence in our system known. She was always listening and was our last resort and she did us very well. She still comes out and does her own things at times but she mostly lives to serve as our backup when things are too much. It’s her role and she owns it.

Honestly, as soon as things started going downhill I was determined to resist. Even at their worst, even when I couldn’t express it as a singular soul, I was fighting and trying. I was determined to make progress as fast as humanly possible and I was ready to learn about myself and how to respond to all these issues that were destroying my life. 

My biggest challenge was joining Reddit. 80% of what I know about my EDS, OSDD/DID, ADHD, Autism, and the other bullshit conditions that come with EDS has come from being in communities where there are hundreds of thousands of people with information about all of these things.

I spent months asking questions and reading other people’s questions and then, I started being able to answer questions and just share my experiences from a perspective of ‘I understand this about myself’, and maybe my understanding can help you understand yourself.

I’ve stopped trying to place an expectation of severity or conditions that have to be met cause in all truth, for conditions that are complicated and vary severely from case to case, you can’t hold those things over yourself.

You have to see yourself for your experiences, not what people only think these conditions have to look like. You only have to understand the shape that you take. It’s like telling someone with CPTSD that it’s not valid because they weren’t in the military. This person experiences all the symptoms but it takes a shape that is the polar opposite of war PTSD.

You can only understand your own experiences. It’s probably why I won’t seek a diagnosis because I understand my experiences and can respond to them and can make my own accommodations without needing to get it from people.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I tried therapy and it didn’t work. It made things worse for me. I took things into my own hands. Meditation was one of the biggest help. Whether it was at night to destress myself, or at the middle of the day, or in a shower and I had spare time.

When I first started, sometimes I would switch between alters. Some alter would front for the first time, we’d feel completely disconnected from the body and our eyes would hurt. Sometimes, we’d have to figure out how to move and walk, and one time, we took way too long in the shower because someone was struggling to simply stand up from the floor of the shower for like 20 minutes. 

As far as our OSDD and anger and hatred, meditation addressed those the most.

After meditation, we started listening to the emotions we had. When our emotions surfaced, we’d stop what we were doing and listen and sometimes those emotions were so strong it would bring tears and a paralyzing feeling to us.

But eventually, we had alters coming to the strong emotions and sharing the memories that they had attached to these emotions and oh my god, I had no idea we were so deeply twisted up. We spent a lot of time just sitting and listening to and tidying emotions and working with anyone that needed help working through it.

Now, we can identify our emotions easily, we don’t get attacks of emotion so overwhelming we just have to pause the world. We do have feelings that creep up and we do still have some things to work over, but also some of that is caused by the emotional dysregulation caused by our neurodivergence.

Having a place to talk about it on Reddit was helpful.

So, going around and understanding the broad shape of things helps me figure out what I’m experiencing, even if it’s completely new to me. Understand thy self. That was the next biggest help. Do research, go down those rabbit holes of information, and learn how it can help you.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I told a few people but due to their lack of taking it into consideration, I stopped trying to make them aware of it. Literally, I’ve stopped trying to fit in everywhere and started trying to live how I want, and it’s doing me well.

But just because that’s my lifestyle, I do have to fit in other people’s worlds because mental health and physical health complications make it feel like I almost live in a different world than most people. So I have to adjust to other people’s level at times, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna break myself doing so.

I tell my mom about it though because a lot of my conditions are from her gene pool. EDS, autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, all things that are susceptibilities on her side, and some of that is from generational trauma that is broken more and more each generation. 

So, we have talked a lot about psychology and Ehlers Danlos Syndrom and when we find something useful for one of us, we share it because there’s a good chance it’ll help the other too. We also have casual discussions. We both have OSDD/DID and it’s nice to not see this thing that we both happily live with be talked about like it’s a disorder.

Now that I am able to have happiness and that I’ve put the work into myself, I would not call my plurality a disorder. It’s a way of life and it’s the only way of life I have lived my whole life, even if I didn’t realize it yet.

By analyzing and remembering things, so many memories and experiences have been associated with an alter at this point. We’ve done a little integration and merging and we’ve also done some splitting. This is who we are and we aren’t disordered anymore, just living a way of life we have learned to navigate and still are learning to navigate.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Know thy self. Everything that we ever do to know something about ourselves or the world around us gives us insight as to who we are or even gives us a chance to craft this aspect of ourselves into what we want it to be.

If you live in a place where you feel like you are being traumatized, violated, hated, or unwanted, then you’re either in the wrong space, have a bunch of shit to work on yourself, or a combination of both.

Don’t let yourself be unhappy. And if you have regret, either figure out how to atone for them or figure out how to let yourself move in and heal from the damage that regret and shame can harbor. Always grow, always learn about yourself, and don’t stop fighting against your struggles.

It takes fighting but if you’re just fighting without moving towards a goal, then you’re just a soldier that’s going to burn out eventually and be defeated. You also have to work against your problems and towards your goals. If you have a goal, then you know what that victory will look like. Acknowledge and accept this.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The character Jane from Doom Patrol: A piece of media that I feel accurately represents what DID can look like. The theory is a little outdated but it’s fairly accurate.
• Tertiary structural dissociation:
• Various discussions in r/DID, r/OSDD, and r/Plural on Reddit. There are a lot of helpful resources there.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

There is only one place where I have any kind of mass information available about myself as I really don’t use much social media and that’s Reddit.

If you look for the account u/AppropriateKale8877 and look through my posts and comments, there is plenty of information as well different kinds of advice and even just some stories and experiences. A lot of it is oriented around my journey so far but is not limited to it. I am also of course always available for questions via direct message via Reddit.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Achieving Happiness Despite Autism & OSDD With Self-Understanding and Meditation appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hey there, I’m Zain and live in a typical Asian joint-family setting in Pakistan. I think it helps to mention that I am the middle child in my family with two siblings. Not the first, not the favorite….surely that affects mental health, right?

That aside, I majored in electrical engineering but changed career paths a year ago from engineering to blogging, working remotely and I have never been happier! This was such a big life decision that wasn’t possible without the growth I have had regarding my mental health challenges and I hope that someone can benefit from reading this.

I’m single and will remain so for a few more years until I have built myself more. As for pets, our family has a white Persian cat that’s lovable but doesn’t give a crap about me.  

Oh well, that’s just cats. For my passion, I love psychology and talking about the cause of things rather than the things themselves. I owe a lot of self-healing and growth to my interest in psychology which lead me to self-realization — to know who I really am.

I consider myself the happiest I have been and I’m very thankful to my body for bearing it all with me, my parents (despite their strictness at times) and God, who gives hope when all’s not well.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have experienced social anxiety and trouble talking since childhood, even going to a simple family gathering would become a daunting task. Eventually, I got tagged as the shy, quiet person in the family when I just didn’t like being around people. 

I believe I developed social anxiety due to my parents pampering me too much. I got very little exposure to the outside world at all aside from school which created differences between me and the other kids. And we all know, when you can’t blend into the crowd, you tend to get picked on.

As a kid, I was naturally observant and realized some part of this phenomenon early on from a documentary regarding chicks. 

Back then in 2008, times were quite simple for me as a 10yr old. We had no smartphone to play with, a dead-ass dial-up internet connection that took hours to load a flash game, and I shared TV time slots with 2 siblings…

In the end, I had just toys and my imagination to play with. Back then, raising and taking care of these cute little chicks was a popular activity among kids (where chicks would get donated when they grow up).

Although this activity is dead now since there are smartphones and other means to spend time on, a random documentary on TV regarding chicks was interesting to watch at the time.

It mentioned some tough realities including the fate of baby chicks with defects. They get pecked on by other baby chicks and…eaten. Why? Because they are different. 

Thankfully, we don’t get subjected to that. But society’s expectations of us and ignorance regarding mental health struggles feels nothing less than that. The physical pain eventually goes away, but the mental pain can linger on and haunt you for years to come…

The truth is, that society isn’t designed to accommodate people like us, the sooner we realize it, the better. It’s us who need to find a place of comfort in it.

As I mentioned, I have a knack for talking about the cause rather than the things alone:

As a kid, I was silent, observant, and extremely naive. I heavily relied on people’s validations and absorbed their likes/dislikes to make sure people liked me. I rarely talked if at all, except with my little sister, parents, teachers, and a few schoolmates. I always wanted to play with my classmates but never asked them if I can join, for fear of rejection. I felt I wasn’t good enough. 

But why did I grow up like that? Was this social anxiety genetic, maybe?

My parents are both talkative, mom a bit too much that she wouldn’t leave the phone. Same can be said for my grandparents, so instead of genes, I feel the cause was the environment and how I grew up. My dad spent most of the time on his business while my mom raised me as a “too good for this world”, rule-abiding boy which unfortunately made me an easy target for bullying at school.

I was strongly taught about morality. “Do good things, don’t do bad things” with a mix of religion in it. Lying is bad. Hurting others is bad. Violence is bad and so on. While these are good things to be taught about, not everyone in my class cared about them. In short, I was nurtured for the wrong world and didn’t learn the realities without suffering.

At times, I was punished at school for simply speaking the truth about homework or was bullied by classmates because of my naivety and passiveness regarding fighting back (because violence is bad…)

To give you an example of my naiveness, I used to take everything at face value because “lying is bad” so why would anyone lie, right? That was until I asked my cousin about some exorbitant claim he had made and he said was it was “just a lie” without any remorse.

I told him that lying is bad in general and in religion to which he told me he was joking and a joke isn’t a lie…

That should tell you enough of my naivety back then. I’m actually amazed by how clever and smart kids of this era are. This is a low bar but they definitely know much more than what I knew back then in their age.

Although I must say, the bullying at school wasn’t excessive (compared to the Western standards) but just annoying, making fun of me, calling my name wrongly, etc. Still, considering my naivety, you can probably imagine that even this was too much for me at the time.

And it didn’t just happen at school but from my aunts, extended relatives too, and partly from my mom too.

But the reason why my family picked up on me might be shocking to you: It was my brown skin color which is extremely common here…

For some context, the Indian subcontinent (Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, etc.) was freed from the British around 75 years ago, at least physically, but we are still slaves to the colonial mindset (and tea). 

One example of this is colorism — discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group. This is also one of the main reason why skin care products for fairer skin are so popular here, these brands portray darker skin as inferior, and unsatisfactory in their advertisements which makes colorism only worse.

In the end, I would say going through such experiences, plus the belittlement from classmates and some relatives, was the cause of my social anxiety. I don’t resent anyone and have simply moved on, but as I said at the start, it’s important to know about the root of the issue before healing.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I’ve always tried to stay away from the spotlight in social gatherings but when the guns point, it felt nothing less than suffocating, awkward, and made me feel “I just wanna go home”…

I think I felt the worst at my uncle’s marriage at age 12 when hundreds of people visited and I broke down and hid beneath a bed to stay away from people.

Everyone got really worried about my disappearance and started searching. I wanted to say “I’m here” but the thought of how I would confront people just lead me to stay hidden. When I was eventually found, I tried the “I was playing hide and seek” excuse but it didn’t work out. 

I got slapped by my mom followed by a hug and tears for making her worry… Oh well, the slap didn’t hurt, but the anxiety from people around me sure did.

Everyone just categorized me as a shy person rather than a socially anxious one. There was and still is little to no awareness regarding mental health challenges here in South Asia, so I can’t really blame anyone for not picking it up. 

And to be fair, I would always do my best to act “normal”. Until someone interacted with me, they wouldn’t be able to tell that I’m awkward to talk with and not comfortable around people. I would try to stay away from gatherings as much as possible, either find a chore to do or simply look busy so people don’t approach me.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

My school grades were good, but I wasn’t happy with my social anxiety and mental health overall. I always thought that I could do so much more if I could escape this old cycle, at least in school. My wish came true and I finally got the fresh start I needed at the age of 14. 

I had just passed middle school (grade 6-8) and entered a new school with new classmates and no links to my previous bullies. I introduced myself formally to the person sitting beside me on our first day and he went on to become my best friend at the time. I’m thankful to him and for my fate that I met a good person on my first day.

My parents also enrolled me in a separate tuition class which was also a new environment with a different style of teaching compared to school. I would sit in the front seat, and ask questions to teachers freely which started giving me confidence in myself. From here on, I never looked back and gradually improved my communication and got used to people overall. 

At age 16, I entered intermediate (grade 11-12) and received special attention from my English teacher who talked with me about my potential and encouraged me positively. Because of him, I even started speeches (hah, to think a person with social anxiety would do this). During the speeches, I would simply look at people’s heads and slowly started to not care about negativity overall.

If you read above you’re probably thinking I was doing well. But I think this was just me developing a persona that can act like an extrovert to get validation from society. I created an ego that wasn’t me but simply an existence to protect me from the painful memories of the past.

If there was a moment I truly started turning things around, it would be in my university’s 2nd year of engineering at the age of 20. The major turned out to be much harder than I expected and despite challenges in my childhood, I had never once failed an exam. 

Engineering fixed that for me in my 2nd year. For someone who was alien to academic failure, this hit me hard…really hard. I was so disappointed in myself and even had suicidal thoughts for a while. I can still remember the phone call I made to my mom.

Although lying is normal these days in this world, I don’t like it. Unless my truth hurts someone, I would rather not lie. I was and am quite frank with my mom and felt the need to tell her.

My heart was beating hard, I was anxious and unable to talk clearly. Still, I took a deep breath. “I can do this”

I picked up the phone and dialed her number. A few seconds later, the line connects. She probably heard my most defeated voice ever: “Mom?”

This wasn’t my normal voice so she caught on and worryingly asked “Are you okay? What happened? ”

“I can’t do this… I failed my semester”, prompted with tears and difficulty talking the rest of the tale. 

She tried her best to console me but this failure broke the fake ego of a person that had never failed before like this, eventually leading me to a journey of self-realization where I had to discover who I really am.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

You have surely gotten hurt and bandaged before right? Do you remember how we clean the wound before we apply the bandage? The disinfection of wounds comes with pain but it’s a necessary step.

The same principle applies here, healing just doesn’t come without suffering. When I failed for the first time academically, it hurt. I cried… a lot. And was down for a while until I felt I needed to know myself better.

I started meditating and thinking about who I am. What’s my purpose? What am I doing with my life?

While trying to find answers, pain followed as if the deep wounds inside me just opened. I cried after realizing the things I have been through. There’s pain in confronting these wounds and that’s why we tend to stay away from them but if you bear with it, this process will help you realize the real you, like it helped me find the real me.

I also benefited from my faith in God and felt being picked up from the sea of negativity and despair when I was at my lowest low. I came to learn that hopelessness is literally a sin in my religion as it means you feel God isn’t all-merciful and turns away from people. 

I improved a lot during this time (2020-2023) and started being me. 

• Beating the inferiority complex, I started to love myself, and my body and take better care of it.
• I started to say no rather than going with the flow or succumbing to peer pressure. 
• I started constructing boundaries with my friends and family about what I’m comfortable with and what not. 
• I told my parents about what I had gone through in childhood to take the burden off my heart.

And finally, I never stopped the process of knowing myself . I feel it won’t stop until I am no more, we grow and learn new things which get absorbed into sub-consciousness, and unearthing them is fun and exciting!

The process of knowing and respecting myself also helped me with my social anxiety. This coupled with my interest in psychology made me realize that people judge and it’s natural to do so. 

But, the point is, why should their judgments and opinions matter to me? Why am I trying to change myself to appease people that I’m probably never gonna meet again? Why am I not being me and happy?

While trying to find answers to these questions, I eventually developed a different mindset of “I don’t give a f*** about what others think of me, I’ll be me”.

With this approach, I have managed to change my social anxiety into “social preference”, meaning that I can now comfortably engage in social settings but I still dislike gatherings. 

I have come to accept my likes, dislikes, and my nature overall, but this doesn’t mean I have stopped growing. I am always trying to learn more about myself and grow from critical feedback. If you try to take the “I don’t give a crap” approach, that’s fine but be sure to make room for critical dissenting opinions and feedback, otherwise this wouldn’t be healthy.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I have talked about some parts of my struggles with both of my parents and despite them not really understanding much of it initially, I have convinced them that mental health challenges exist and yadaa yadaa. This happened only recently in 2022-23.

Other than this, I haven’t mentioned this to anyone else and have been overcoming my mental health struggles with just me along with my faith in God.

Mental health struggles are simply not understood enough in South Asia to even consider being talked about, you’ll only make it worse if you reveal your struggles to an unempathetic arse. Therapy is also pretty much non-existent here as it’s not very accessible and seen as a waste of money.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Whenever you’re feeling anxious, ask yourself this:

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

Oftentimes the worst outcome is first of all not likely and secondly, not that bad that the world would flip over. So hey, you’ll do fine. 

When you’re alone, do you know who’s with you? It’s you, your “self”. Get to know that person and I promise, you’re all set for a journey of healing and eventually, happiness.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I wish I could suggest something but I neither looked nor found any help in any books, youtube videos, etc. That isn’t to say that I don’t believe they can work, these types of resources just weren’t for me. Still, I was always open to new perspectives and such resources can definitely help you open up your mind.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Well, I’m currently trying to create a blog regarding psychology and similar stuff from the perspective of a psychology enthusiast. It’s not really up to mark yet but I plan to slowly build it up!

That’s it from my side, if you have any questions or simply want to contact me, feel free to reach out via my email or my blog’s contact form. Thanks, until next time!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Self-Realization Helped Me Overcome Social Anxiety and My Past Traumas appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Are there benefits to having struggled?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I’m Lark Begin and live in Ottawa Ontario Canada. I own my own business in the digital marketing space. I have 2 pet guinea pigs. I enjoy nature, the outdoors, hiking, fishing, and strength training. I have been married to my husband since 2011. I consider myself to be happy most of the time, but I continue to struggle a few times per month.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I struggle with depression and anxiety. I occasionally experience high stress and dark days. It started 20 years ago when I was in my first year at University and had just experienced a bad breakup. 

It wasn’t treated until 1 year after I struggled with an eating disorder. I got help and saw a psychiatrist and psychologist. The combination of CBT therapy and medication helped. Over time it was manageable. 

Since trying to get pregnant in 2014, I went off the medication. Things were ok throughout the pregnancy but the depression came back as Postpartum Depression (PPD) after my first child. I thought it was just because I was a new parent and lacked sleep. The new addition made our life a bit more difficult, so naturally, there were days with added stress. But it was still manageable.

I had my second child in 2018 and during that pregnancy, I had to go back on medication due to severe depression. I have continued to be on the same medication since 2018. I tried going off of it for 2 months but the anxiety and dark days came back.

I still have a dark day 1-2x per month. The anxiety presents itself in stressful and social situations as well. This is still ongoing.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

The depression has drained a part of my life that I will never get back. I can’t seem to not see the dark side of things even when I’m fully happy – I feel like it won’t last.

I hid it – until the depression manifested itself into an eating disorder. I got very thin, then people started to worry. My parents pushed me into doing therapy as they were very worried about my health.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

It took me around a year with the eating disorder for me to get help.

When I started doing CBT – it really made me understand why I was feeling the way I was. When I started taking meds, things definitely took a turn in the right direction. It felt easy to go about my day. The days didn’t drag on and the minutes didn’t feel like hours.  

This change was a result of my circumstances (having parents that cared enough to push me to get help) in combination with my willingness to stick with therapy and get help by doing weekly and bi-weekly sessions.

I still see a therapist once per year or bi-annually, depending on if I feel I need some outside help.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Getting help takes a long time and getting medication can take even longer.

If you notice that your days seem difficult, reach out to someone. It’s definitely a process.

In the meantime, while you’re waiting for help from a progressional, read some popular books in the niche of anxiety and depression. This will let you stay informed and learn more about how you can deal with these difficult feelings on your own.

Seek professional help: Depression is a serious condition that should not be ignored. It’s important to seek professional help from a therapist or a doctor who can provide you with the right diagnosis and treatment plan.

Build a support system: It’s important to have a support system of friends and family who can provide emotional support during difficult times. Don’t hesitate to reach out to those around you for help when you need it.

Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This can involve getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.

Challenge negative thoughts: Depression can often be accompanied by negative self-talk and pessimistic thinking. Challenge these thoughts by replacing them with positive, realistic ones.

Set small goals: Setting small, achievable goals can help you build momentum and feel a sense of accomplishment. Start small and gradually work your way up to bigger goals.

Also, continue to read self-help books. You need to understand your mood disorder in order to overcome it. Be your own therapist while you wait for professional appointments.

I’ve read Mind Over Mood, which comes with a workbook that is easy to follow. It also shares several types of people’s experiences with depression and how they overcome their thoughts. 

Dr. Robert Anthony wrote the book Beyond Positive Thinking, which I’ve read twice now, and would love to read again. 

Focus on mindfulness and read books about being in the moment. This can help you reduce the day-to-day mundane feelings of similar patterns.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I have shared my experience with depression and anxiety with 2 of my close friends and family members. I’m willing to share my struggles to help others deal with theirs. 

I have found a lot of others that have had to deal with PPD, I find it helpful to talk about it.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I wish I knew the signs to look for when it came to having a bad day vs. being depressed. I didn’t think I had a treatable issue (depression). I thought I was just prone to having bad days. Depression is a medical condition and not a personal failure. 

Are there any benefits that have come from your mood disorders?

My anxiety has pushed me to be self-reliant and resourceful. This allows me to be extremely organized, creative, stay focused on tasks and excel in my line of work. I also have a great amount of empathy for others, which can help me support and comfort others.

Having dark days also allows you to see the light in the good days and the little things. On a good day, you can really enjoy the small things and not be stuck in a dark cloud.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne helped me understand anxiety disorders and offers practical strategies for managing anxiety symptoms.

The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon helped me understand causes, treatment options, and impact on individuals and society.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

I own my own digital marketing company, Profit Parrot, where you can learn more. You can also follow me on Instagram or connect with me on LinkedIn.

Your website: 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/profitparrot

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/larkbegin/

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Therapy and Self-Care Helped me Overcome Postpartum Depression appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Rebecca Doring! I live in a log cabin nestled in the woods in Cornwall, CT with my husband, Chris, and our cat, Gunner.

Since going through the journey I’m about to share, I’ve discovered more things in my life to enjoy, and more importantly, to finally allow myself to enjoy them.

I’m most alive when in the woods going on adventures hiking, backpacking, trail running, on my yoga mat or meditation pillow, or laughing with my husband, my family, and our friends.

I consider myself to be happy, and it is an active choice and privilege each and every day. I never knew that I could experience true happiness like this, and it’s a result of my own personal practices that I’ve cultivated and now guide others through, too. 

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My struggle was binge eating, which caused urges to eat, oftentimes at a fast pace, until I physically couldn’t anymore. 

What’s most remarkable to me is that I had this struggle for about seven years without consciously being aware of it, believing myself to just be a ‘foodie’ who let herself overindulge from time to time. 

I finally realized what was going on after joining Corinne Crabtree’s No BS Weightloss membership and finding the subgroup within that called Trusting Your Body. 

Only then did I remember when it all began – in 2013 when I didn’t have many stress management tools and had no idea how to process the grief, fear, and uncertainty of seeing my dad diagnosed with terminal colon cancer. 

My boyfriend (now husband) wasn’t home and I had the apartment to myself. I had a dull, heaviness in my body that was always there, but especially ever since my dad had been diagnosed. 

I felt helpless and somehow unable to feel. We’d been told he had two and a half years to live and yet there was also a five percent chance he’d survive. Every time a test revealed his updated cancer numbers I didn’t know if it was safe to rejoice if they were low, or if I should prepare myself further for the possibility of his death. 

Simultaneously, I was in a relationship that was so different from anything I’d experienced, and felt genuinely happy. The drastic difference between my emotions confused me more.

I made a plate full of crackers with peanut butter and jelly, stood at the counter with music blasting, and ate them. I danced and I ate. The flavors and textures were so good that I made up a second plate as soon as I finished.

I kept eating and a wonderful relief settled in my body. I felt almost high with delight. The crunchy crackers and the balance of saltiness and sweetness of the peanut butter and jelly seemed to satisfy every craving that I had. 

I decided to eat another plate until it was time to go to bed, and I fell asleep feeling a comforting, soothing fullness in my body.

That was the moment I began binge eating. 

At first, I only ate like that occasionally and didn’t think too much of it. 

It was during this time that I quit the food industry and my dream of becoming a top pastry chef even though I had graduated from the Culinary Institute of America years before, and was drawn to enter into the wellness industry. 

I longed to know how to feel calm and grounded in my body at will, and not just when the perfect circumstances created it. 

I learned those tools nearly immediately after starting massage therapy school when they introduced us to meditation. I was hooked and over the next few years, I started my own massage therapy private practice, became a Reiki Master, Yoga Teacher, and finally a Meditation Teacher.

While my career, inner well-being, and relationship were all growing in beautiful ways, my dad was getting sicker. The week before my wedding, I broke down into hysterics on the side of the road, about to pick up my wedding dress, sobbing in my mom’s arms wondering how I could be so happy and excited about getting married and so scared and sad about possibly losing my dad at the same time. 

The extreme contrast kept binge eating alive. 

Late at night when I was alone, if my husband was out of the house, I’d find myself lost in the textures, sweetness, and saltiness of foods either in front of the TV or dancing to music. 

My dad passed away in 2015 and binge eating became a bigger crutch and problems began to arise. I found myself unable to stop eating until my stomach was so full it hurt and my body ached. I’d lie down and wish the over-full feeling would stop. A couple of times I considered trying to throw up just to release the pressure, but I’d always been afraid of vomiting so I never got myself to do it. 

Even in those moments, I never considered that there might be disordered eating. As long as I never purged, I thought I was fine. I just assumed that I loved food and got caught up in wanting just a little more without realizing that I’d overdone it.

Instead, I’d go to sleep and wait for it to go away, and faced a bigger problem in the morning. 

Before I’d even open my eyes, I’d wake up to thoughts of self-loathing. I’d mentally go over every bite I ate the day before repeatedly, disgusted with myself. 

I’d get up and look in the mirror and imagine having gained fifteen pounds overnight. I’d still feel full. My mind would be so hazy, hard to think, and riddled with such intense self-loathing I’d feel terrible the entire day.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Binge eating was like my alter ego; a hidden persona of unhappiness, pain, and self-loathing that was so deep that most times I was even unaware of it. No one knew what was going on. It never occurred to me that there was a problem. 

My health was suffering as my digestion was frequently so overloaded. I never thought about what kind of effect this might be having as I’d always had digestive problems since I was a child, it never dawned on me that binge eating might affect the way I digested food.

It got worse over time. I only stopped when I felt really sick and found myself eating faster so that I could eat more. The self-loathing got worse and no longer affected me just after, but before and during too. 

I could hear one voice shouting at me, telling me not to do it, while in a trance of sorts fixing a plate of food and eating it. The louder the voice got, the faster I ate trying to shut it up. 

Food went from being a joy, a creative outlet, and a way to experience fun in life to becoming a dreaded thing that I simultaneously longed for and feared. 

I fantasized about being able to just eat all day long forever. Then vowed to never eat triggering foods again, until the next time I binged on them, leaving me feeling like such a failure.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I found myself in a pattern of eating so much that I’d have to lie down for hours after and would be so constipated for days that I knew something needed to change. 

I found a cookbook to help support my digestion, Everyday Ayurveda Cookbook by Kate O’Donnell, and showed me I had no awareness of how it felt to be hungry or satisfied. Instead, I had always either felt ravenous or stuffed. I never knew anything in between. 

I had mostly been aware of what food tasted like, what food was good and bad, and wasn’t really aware of how the quantity of food felt in my body.

However, throughout my life if I felt bad after eating something, I usually thought it was the food itself that I’d have to cut out of my diet, it never occurred to me that the way I ate it and the amount could affect how I’d feel.

That cookbook taught me that it’s important to eat to be satisfied – not full – so that the GI system has the space to actually digest food.  It also taught me how to notice the difference between real hunger and just an empty stomach, which happens two hours after we eat and doesn’t mean we need to eat again right away. 

This was the beginning of a newly connected and kinder relationship with food, my body, and myself. 

This book transformed the way I ate the majority of the time – except for binges at night by myself. Sometimes when I felt the urge to binge and was watching TV with my husband, I’d tell him I was going upstairs to use the bathroom when I’d really go into our pantry and eat whatever I could. 

It was during one of these experiences that I realized that I wanted to learn how to stop overeating – which I believed was the problem.  

That’s when I began the real transformation of my journey through finding The Life Coach School Podcast by Brooke Castillo, Break Free From Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth, and No BS Weightloss Program by Corinne Crabtree. 

After I joined the No BS Weightloss Program, I discovered a subgroup within the program called Trusting Your Body, and was dumbfounded when I listened to the trainings taught by Guest Coach Jane Pilger. I learned that just because I had not been purging didn’t mean that I wasn’t binge eating.

I discovered that binge eating was a restriction, self-loathing, and shame problem, which I resonated with deeply. 

At this point, I’d been practicing and teaching meditation for years, and the rest of my life was continuing to transform for the better. Through my journaling practice and the support of The Life Coach School Podcast, I had been discovering and working through a lot of shame – or feelings of unworthiness. 

Trusting Your Body showed me that the self-compassion practices that I’d been doing in other areas of my life could be – and needed to be – applied here.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Binge eating was never really about food. Contrary to my belief, it wasn’t actually a way to enjoy food or being a foodie. Now that I don’t binge eat anymore, and I slow down, eat mindfully, and pay attention to my body and how it feels to receive food, I enjoy food in new ways. 

Binge eating was a way to try to self-soothe when I was restricting myself from feeling good, and instead feeling unworthiness and shame, and mentally beating myself up.  

I’m very grateful that I had already been practicing a lot of the tools I needed to overcome this issue. In a lot of ways, it was like discovering many nails that needed to be hammered down when I’d been carrying around a hammer for years. 

Here are some of the core concepts that helped support my journey. 

1. Curiosity, observing, and journaling

Curiosity is the antidote to judgment. In order to unravel and rewrite a pattern of intense judgment, you need to awaken curiosity.

As soon as I realized I had been binge eating and noticed feelings of unworthiness and shame, part of me was horrified and wanted to quickly fix myself – as if I discovered I’d been broken without knowing it. 

Yet meditation had given me the practice of setting aside the need to fix, and simply observing what is instead. It turns out that this skill was crucial for working through the pattern of shame, binge eating, and beating myself up.

I started to just get curious about my experience as if I were conducting an experiment, wanting to observe and gather data. 

I journaled about what I was thinking before, during, and after a binge without filtering myself. The more I did this, the less power these thoughts had.

Journaling had once been a safe place to vent as a kid, but now is a powerful tool in transforming even the oldest patterns and realigning with the truth. I journal every morning and believe I’d personally still be binge eating if I hadn’t used this tool to my advantage. 

2. Getting to know my body’s signals, sensations, and rhythms 

In our modern culture, many of us eat habitually, based on what time it is – not based upon if our bodies are actually hungry or not. Many of us grew up being told to finish our plates, regardless of how our bodies felt. In the most basic of ways, many of us have lost touch with knowing our own neutral, hunger, satisfied, and full signals. 

The cycle of binge eating blinded my awareness of my body when it came to eating. Instead, I was only aware of the binge cycle where I had the urge to binge, became acutely aware of the desire for flavors and textures on my tongue, and a haunting chant in my head saying, “just one more bite”, always focusing on wanting, never being aware of having. 

Connecting to my body through curiosity and observing became a lifeline. 

At first, I became aware of how my original pleasant feeling of being full that night in 2013 (and a subsequent good feeling I chased for years) wasn’t always true. I discovered that feeling full left my physical body heavy, dull, and sluggish, and wreaked havoc on my digestive system. 

Then I got to know how wonderful it feels to stop eating when satisfied. 

I noticed a light, pleasant energy afterward. I realized that this was what it felt like to fuel my body with food as opposed to just being present with the flavors and textures in my mouth. 

When I practiced shifting my attention to feeling my stomach and body instead of only my tongue and the urge to keep eating, I realized there was so much more to experience and enjoy. 

3. Allowing, feeling, accepting, and compassion

While getting to know my own body and its sensations, binge eating is mostly an emotional issue. Without confronting the emotions, it would’ve continued. 

When in a pattern of unworthiness and shame, our natural instinct is to turn away from ourselves, judge ourselves even more harshly, and either ignore ourselves altogether through distraction (TV, overworking, overeating, etc) or try to beat ourselves up in hopes of fixing, or changing our ways until we become ‘better’. 

This was my experience for as long as I can remember until I found the personal and spiritual development world. Meditation taught me how to get to know and befriend who I am, as Pema Chodron says, “Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better, it’s about befriending who we are already.” 

Rather than trying to throw my binge-eating self away, I needed to learn to allow her to be there with kindness and eventually acceptance and compassion. 

I had already spent years beating myself up over the issue and the issue only got stronger. As soon as I began allowing the issue to be there, and observing it with curiosity, the issue began to fade.

4. Having a plan in place

The Trusting Your Body program taught me to create a strategy for times when a binge occurs. Rather than trying to stop cold turkey, they guided us in learning how to binge better and developing deeper awareness, kindness, and compassion for ourselves along the way. 

Another crucial step that helped me reverse the pattern of binging, was to share it with someone safe at the moment. Brene Brown says, “As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!”. 

An urge to binge is a sign of a shame attack, and Trusting Your Body taught me to reach out. At first, I only reached out to the Trusting Your Body community. Then I eventually shared my story with my best friend and husband. Both of them had no idea and felt honored that I told them what had been going on. They both became wonderful, non-judgmental, and compassionate anchors for me in those moments. 

5. What do you actually need?

Geneen Roth’s book, Break Free From Emotional Eating taught me to pause before, during, or after a binge and “ask” the food what I really needed. Every time I remembered to do this, I was amazed to receive an answer. 

I usually needed kindness, a break, rest, compassion, appreciation, and love. I didn’t need these things from others – I needed them from myself. 

My urge to binge was usually followed by mentally beating myself up. I realized that I craved soothing, and just wanted a break from the ridicule. 

I didn’t want to be restricted from pleasure, joy, love, connection, and my own worthiness anymore. What I needed most was to finally allow myself to feel, to be supported, and to embrace life. 

6. Allowing myself to feel good and intuitive eating

A final piece of the puzzle was realizing, from Roth’s book, that another simple reason I binged was that I had been restricting myself for years. 

I had also grown up with digestive issues and was always trying different restrictive diets to help. My health had gotten stronger in 2012 and I stopped those diets right before I began binge eating.

Diet culture teaches us that food is good or bad and when we get cravings for the ‘bad’ food and give in to them, we’re making a mistake – which further perpetuated the issue of judging myself, beating myself up, and binge eating. 

Roth introduced me to intuitive eating, letting go of the idea that food is good or bad, and allowing myself to have the things I craved if I was hungry and ate them mindfully. 

It felt like I was alive for the very first time with food! I had thought I loved food before, yet subconsciously I was sabotaging the joy of the moment with self-judgment over every bite. 

When I finally allowed myself to have what I desired and practiced eating slowly and mindfully, everything changed.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

For many years I didn’t know I was binge eating, myself – I just thought I was a foodie who overate and let herself overindulge from time to time. When I discovered what was really going on, I didn’t want to tell anyone because I still didn’t believe it was a big deal. 

I was embarrassed by it but also knew there are people out there who have more serious issues and I didn’t want to label myself with an eating disorder when I wasn’t sure that was the case. I felt silly and overly dramatic to tell anyone. 

After being in the Trusting Your Body program and experiencing how helpful it was to tell people when I was struggling, I decided to tell my best friend. 

I found it incredibly difficult and emotional. It felt like the hardest thing I’d ever said out loud. I was amazed by that; it told me that I really had been struggling with something in ways I hadn’t realized. 

After she received it with such compassion and I felt more connected to her, I wanted to tell my husband. He responded with the same level of compassion and safety, and both of them were there for me through some binges after. 

I discovered that each time I talked about it, it got easier. And as it got easier, the need to binge became smaller. 

I never anticipated that it would become a part of my journey as a teacher and a coach, and now I’m really grateful that I took the first step to share it with someone.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Just because your problem doesn’t seem that bad, or doesn’t seem like as big of a deal as what you see in society, doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve support. 

I have two important things to share that I wish I had known early on: 

One, if you beat yourself up, feel like you’re your own worst enemy, and loathe yourself regularly – that is not a sign that you’re a broken, damaged human being incapable of feeling different. 

It’s actually just a sign that you have a normal human brain that has been through patterns in your life and developed ways to protect yourself. 

Two, just because it’s normal that you’ve been in these patterns, doesn’t mean that it must remain your normal, constant way of being. 

Instead, I believe that you are capable of experiencing so much more and deserve to get in touch with the truth of who you really are. The voice putting you down, making you feel terrible inside is a voice that’s merely clouding the truth and can be released with practice. 

You deserve to find the support, guidance, and inspiration that’s out there – and there is a lot available. Whether it’s a therapist, coach, one of the books, podcasts, or programs I mentioned, you deserve to be free of this feeling and finally know what it’s like to see your own worthiness and enjoy happiness. 

I’m so grateful every day that I know what this feels like when it was a mystery for so long. Through this gratitude, I’m inspired to share my story, and passionate to teach the tools I’ve learned to others. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown: This was the very first personal development book I read that felt like it was written for me. I had been a perfectionist since I could remember and Brene showed me a new way of seeing myself, my life, and what’s possible that I never knew could be. This book is the first book I recommend to all of my students now. I continue to reread it once a year and always find it so supportive and relatable. 
• Everyday Ayurveda Cookbook by Kate O’Donnell: This simple cookbook provided me with an introduction to Ayurveda (India’s alternative medicine system), and easy ways to get to know my own body including ways to support my digestion and wellbeing. This was the first step toward reversing binge eating for me. 
• Break Free From Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth: This book is for anyone who eats emotionally but especially for anyone who has binged in any way before. I was able to learn such compassion and understanding of myself through the pages. Geneen gave me the gift of allowing myself to receive simple joys in life, including letting go of fear of food and embracing the joy of it.
• The Life Coach School Podcast by Brooke Castillo: This podcast transformed my life! I started listening to it early on in my introduction to the wellness industry and know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without learning the important concepts Brooke Castillo teaches. I began at episode one and encourage new listeners to do the same. I recommend it to all my students as well.
• No BS Weightloss Membership by Corinne Crabtree (and Trusting Your Body inside with Guest Coach Jane Pilger: This program is so much more than a weight loss program. While Corinne teaches simple and doable tools to lose weight without diet culture including good habit building, what she’s really teaching is emotional intelligence, processing, and management. This is why I joined her program and am so grateful for her. I learned how to manage my own emotions without food through her support and the support of Trusting Your Body with Jane. I learned how to love my body and myself with their guidance.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Today, I’m so honored to guide others who are struggling with similar things that I was. I love guiding other women who are craving more for their lives, wanting a new, fulfilling chapter of knowing themselves and living their purpose doing what lights them up, without being stuck beating themselves up and sabotaging their joy, and I do so in my program Inner Critic Freedom.

You can find more about me on my website, follow me on Instagram, or connect with me on LinkedIn!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post I Developed a Habit of Binge Eating Without Realizing it appeared first on Tracking Happiness.