Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Chaz Stevens, a 59-year-old South Floridian who thrives on wearing many hats. From scaling corporate ladders to launching ESADoggy, a tech company offering remote animal-assisted mental healthcare, my life has been a vibrant tapestry woven with threads of activism, art, technology, and pain. 

My professional work has taught me amazing personal life lessons – it’s where I learned the power of truly listening, not just with my ears, but with my heart.

Holding back and letting others fill the silence became a tool for building trust and understanding, and most importantly, it awakened a deep well of empathy that I didn’t know I possessed.

These lessons have become cornerstones of my relationships, both inside and outside of work, and I’m forever grateful for the unexpected wisdom my career has bestowed.

Outside the office, my passion for social justice and freedom of speech burns bright, earning me labels like “enigma” and “rebel” – badges I wear with pride. My work in this arena has graced headlines across the globe, fueled by an obsessive personality, further accentuated by my being on the autistic spectrum.

Growing up on a farm instilled in me a deep love for animals, evident in the three rescues who share my home along with my partner, my bedrock of emotional support.

Am I happy? On the surface, absolutely. You’ll find me radiating happiness, joy, and conviviality. But beneath the surface, the constant churn of life’s pressures can bring its fair share of struggles.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Even though I built a mental health company, it took me years to finally see the need for a clinician I’d preach about from the rooftops. Just didn’t realize the personal benefit. Running into that same brick wall of self-doubt, one faceplant at a time, finally convinced me to seek outside professional wisdom. And boy, was it the best decision I ever made.

Therapy has unearthed the buried treasure of self-understanding. Turns out, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the autism spectrum were just part of my story.

Painfully shy, armed with an IQ exceeding my shoe size, and tripping over social cues like a newborn giraffe, school wasn’t exactly a cakewalk. Having never fit in, I began to drink at age 9, eventually developing full-on alcoholism that took me deep into later life to conquer.

Raised by a Vulcan with a PhD in stoicism, empathy wasn’t part of the curriculum. Instead, I honed my wit until it could deliver one-liners sharper than a samurai sword. And with a parent whose mental gymnastics could win Olympic gold, well, let’s just say my life was…colorful.

This cocktail of quirks, and the many cocktails in my belly, taught me to bury my needs under layers of self-reliance, swallow emotions like box wine, and become the hero in everyone else’s story while my own script remained blank.

But I’m finally cracking the code. I’m learning to untangle the knots, face the monsters in the shadows, and maybe, just maybe, rewrite my ending.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

If there’s one thing I could impart, it’s this: the insidious part of toxic relationships is how they make the absurd feel commonplace. I remember Mom guilt-tripping me to avoid a two-day road trip to see a dying friend – as I’m told she’s also dying. I went, tears drying on my cheeks, somehow finding the courage to finally stand up for myself.

Dealing with Mom’s narcissism meant I was always pouring, never refilling. It wasn’t just about material things or time; it was my emotional energy, constantly siphoned to fuel the fire of her needs. This pattern, sadly, spilled over into my adult relationships. I found myself drawn to, and even attracting, people who craved validation at my expense.

Along with false idols, beware of false friends, business partners, and lovers.

“When Mom’s unhappy, everyone’s unhappy,” my internal mantra whispered, echoing the warped reality of my childhood.

But here’s the kicker: “everyone” turned out to be a select few. My own happiness, the very oxygen I needed to thrive, became an afterthought, easily tucked away under layers of self-sacrifice, whiskey, and doubt.

Unraveling this tangled mess hasn’t been easy, but with therapy and a personality turbo-charged by OCD, I’m learning to listen to my inner voice, the one that whispers, “It’s okay to prioritize your own needs.” It’s a slow climb, and I hope there’s enough time remaining on the clock to get the job done.

2019 simmered like a noxious stew – stale silence punctuated by Dad’s confused shouts, and the omnipresent tang of antiseptic. Moving back to care for my ailing parents (cancer and Alzheimer’s), what was meant to be a six-month sprint turned into a marathon in slow motion, courtesy of COVID’s unwelcome intrusion.

Four years of unrelenting care wore me down like sandpaper on driftwood. Mom’s falling and dying at my feet left a hollow crater in my chest, not the expected sob storm, but a numbness that refused to thaw.

Dad’s descent into dementia felt like watching a ship vanish into a thick fog, piece by piece. Dementia is a ghastly disease, whiting out a soul in the most dehumanizing of ways. Each memory lost, each confused accusation like a shard in my heart.

“Yesterday,” they say, “was the best last day for one suffering from dementia.”

With GAD already gnawing at the edges of my sanity, these past years felt like a high-wire act over an abyss. Sleep became a stranger, my chest a drum solo of racing anxiety.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

For a decade, my sisters lifted not a finger in help or support, leaving me to fend for and tend to the mess.

October stole Mom with a bang – an actual bang as her head hit the tile floor. Her passing didn’t bring tears, but a relief. Dad’s dementia had already cast a long shadow, yet his January departure, three months later, felt like a cold, starless night.

In May, I found myself in the sterile embrace of the ER, my heart battered by anxiety’s relentless storm. ObamaCare, bless its bureaucratic soul, was the lifeline that pulled me back from the brink.

A constellation of medication, and heart surgery, along with the unconditional love of my rescues and the unwavering support of a true friend, became my scaffolding back to life. Each day, I chipped away at the debris, taking tentative steps out of the rubble.

No more dodging airborne diapers, no more tiptoeing around emotional landmines. With Mom and Dad gone, space bloomed for my own needs, a concept that had felt unthinkable before.

Dad’s voice, faint but insistent, whispered his mantra through the fog: “This too shall pass.” It wasn’t just a platitude; it was a life raft. One shaky step at a time, I clung to it, navigating the choppy waters of grief and healing. Today, the sun finally peeks through again on occasion.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Overcoming the emotional turmoil and physical toll of caregiving for my parents, coupled with my own anxiety struggles, wasn’t an overnight feat. It’s been a gradual climb, a journey paved with small steps, hard-won lessons, and all-too-often setbacks.

For years, I didn’t realize wearing a “Perfectionist/No Complainer” cape meant shouldering responsibilities and emotions alone. That nearly killed me. The turning point came when I admitted my limitations, accepted my vulnerability, and reached out for help. Lean on your support system, be it family, friends, or professional therapists. 

My therapist, an amazing fellow, helped me untangle the knot of grief, anxiety, and self-neglect, offering a safe space to process the emotional upheaval. Remember, seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous act of self-care.

There was a time, not so long ago, when the thought of admitting I needed help choked me like dust in a dry throat. The unrelenting need to find personal fault, a stubborn weed, had rooted itself deep.

But in the face of my therapist’s unwavering support, and remembering Dad’s whispered “This too shall pass,” I finally pulled it up, root and all. Reaching out felt like stepping into sunlight, blinking away years of self-inflicted shadows.

My PsyD, bless his insightful soul, didn’t just hand me a toolbox; he showed me how to use it. Mindfulness, that fancy word for “pay attention to your now,” became my shield against anxiety. It was in those quiet moments, eyes closed, breath steady, that I began to accept the kaleidoscope within me.

Why was I so different? Why did social cues dance like fireflies while others waltzed through them? Layer by layer, I uncovered the reasons, the hidden melodies beneath the noise.

Turns out, my hyper-empathy, the very trait that nearly drowned me in caregiving was also my superpower. It allowed me to connect with animals and people on a level most couldn’t fathom, and now, it fuels my work at ESADoggy.

Being neuro-divergent isn’t a bug; it’s a feature, albeit one that comes with its own quirks. Like that time I wore mismatched socks to a conference, convinced they were twins separated at birth. Yeah, that’s my brain on parade.

But here’s the thing: these “quirks” also fuel my creativity, my art, my humor, and my fierce determination. Accepting them wasn’t just surrender; it was a victory dance, a celebration of all I am, weird socks and all.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “Be you, since everyone else is already taken.”

Love yourself.

Putting myself on the back burner for years had depleted my emotional and physical reserves. Healing required a shift in focus. I started small: nourishing my body with healthy meals, carving out time for quiet walks around the neighborhood, and practicing mindfulness exercises.

These steps, seemingly insignificant, were the foundation stones of my recovery. They reminded me that I wasn’t just a caregiver; I was also a human being deserving of love and care.

I was never taught nor shown the need to love myself; just breaks my heart to look back at the acid I was encouraged to throw on my soul.

Rediscover your passion.

The past decade had shrouded my passions in dust. I’ve begun to brush them off, rediscovering the joy of writing, the comfort of Coltrane, and the thrill of red paint. Immersing myself in activities I loved reignited a spark within me, reminding me of who I was beyond the burdens I carried. Whether it’s painting, dancing, or playing an instrument, find what ignites your soul and fan the flames of your own inner light.

Learn to say no.

People-pleasing had been my default setting, leading to resentment and exhaustion. Setting boundaries, even with loved ones, became crucial. Learning to say “no” without guilt, and to prioritize my own well-being, was a game-changer. It wasn’t easy, but it empowered me to reclaim control and create space for healthy relationships, including the one with myself.

If you don’t set boundaries, you should learn how … they were so confusing to me at first, like what? Now, I can’t imagine life without them.

Power of forgiveness

Forgiving myself for any perceived shortcomings as a caregiver, and forgiving others for their roles in the situation, was a heavy weight lifted, and is still a work in progress. Holding onto anger and resentment only poisoned me further. Forgiveness wasn’t about condoning actions; it was about releasing the burden and freeing myself to move forward.

Remember, these are just the stepping stones I used. Your path might look different, and that’s okay. The key is to be kind to yourself, celebrate every small victory, and trust that within you lies the strength to heal and emerge stronger. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed, and remember, you are not alone in this journey.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Opening up about my struggles wasn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Sharing the depths of my emotional turmoil felt like handing out emotional hand grenades, and who to pull the pin on was a delicate choice.

My rock, unsurprisingly, was my incredible partner. She witnessed the unraveling firsthand, the tear-stained mornings and the anxiety-riddled nights. But she never wavered, a sturdy lighthouse guiding me through the storm. Sharing with her wasn’t a confession; it was a shared breath, a whispered vulnerability met with unwavering support.

If you find someone like that, hang on for dear life, as I suspect they are few and far between.

Friends, on the other hand, were a mixed bag. Some, the ones who’d seen glimpses of the emotional maelstrom beneath the surface, became confidantes. We traded stories of grief, anxiety, and the absurdities of life, finding solace in shared vulnerability. Others, however, remained comfortably on the sunny side of my life, the cheerleaders unaware of the hidden battles behind the smile.

As for colleagues, work remained a carefully curated haven. My professional mask stays firmly in place, any cracks meticulously hidden beneath a veneer of productivity and humor. Even though I’m surrounded by a large amazing team of licensed providers, my ethics demand silence.

Openly sharing mental health struggles is a tightrope walk, balancing the need for connection with the fear of judgment. It’s easier to wear a social mask, to project the “everything’s fine” persona – a rather difficult challenge for those on the spectrum, as those very rules seem impenetrable.

However, there’s a power in vulnerability, in letting others see the cracks and crevices in our seemingly perfect facades. It’s a gamble, yes, but sometimes, it’s the gamble that leads to unexpected support, shared experiences, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us.

You are not the only one with problems, and through that, you might find a helping hand.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Find yourself a licensed provider, speak to more than one, and find one that is right for you. They are out there, as I’ve met amazing therapists who are even better human beings (yes, I’ve hired them! Smile) …

They might have your answers, they likely know the right questions to ask, and they’ve heard it all before.

I am alive today, writing these words, because of the care I’ve sought and received.

I hope my story and these insights offer a flicker of hope and guidance to anyone facing similar struggles. May you find your own path to healing, light, and a life filled with joy, love, and self-compassion.

You are worth it and deserve that and much more.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

None. My podcasts are nerdier in nature, however, if you’d like to learn more about astrobiophysics, I’d be happy to have that chat!

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can learn more about ESADoggy or me on Wikipedia!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Therapy and Self-Care Helped Me Navigate Autism, Alcoholism, and Caregiver Stress appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! My name is Brandon and I’m a consultant. I grew up outside Philadelphia, PA in a great household. I have an incredible family and I am the oldest of four boys. I grew up playing sports, traveling, and always had a video camera in my hand! Life is pretty good these days, but it wasn’t always this way… 

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My battle with alcoholism and addiction started off as a lot of fun. I started drinking at about 15 years old. The feeling of alcohol relieved a lot of internal issues of depression, anxiety, and any worries I had in my life at the time. It allowed me to let loose and enjoy myself in a way I hadn’t experienced until that first drink. 

After several years of drinking and smoking weed, my illness progressed into more of an issue. It started with reckless behavior that led to multiple arrests under the influence of a substance. It wasn’t a rare occurrence to end up in handcuffs with criminal charges after a night of binge drinking. 

I forgot to mention, but growing up I always loved movies. Two of my favorites were Scarface and Blow. This leads me into the addition of cocaine and other substances, including MDMA, ketamine, and meth into my drinking benders. This definitely made my nights out a bit more aggressive.

I quickly figured out that using cocaine would allow me to consume a lot more liquor and give me an additional buzz. This became a daily habit pretty quickly and didn’t seem too out of the ordinary because of the people I was surrounding myself with.

I continued this habit for several more years, naive that my addiction was progressing rapidly. It’s easy to see looking back retrospectively at this point. 

Alcohol and cocaine were the perfect combination for a while, I was able to stay out all night socializing and partying. After some time, I realized that cocaine was causing massive anxiety attacks and terrible depression.

As a great addict would do, I discovered Xanax and Percocet. I would use Xanax to help come down from alcohol and cocaine, then use Percocet and oxycodone to start the next day. Drinking and drugging are no longer serving me, it is destroying my life. Benzos and opiates were the start of a terrible new addiction that would control my life for the next 12 years. 

At this point in my addiction, I am a slave. I needed opiates from the moment my eyes opened in the morning until the moment I passed out at night. If I was awake, I needed to use it. I was no longer in control.   

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

All the passion I had for living was stripped away. My willpower was non-existent. I lied to myself day in and day out. I promised myself I would detox from opiates every single day for over a decade.

I truly believed that I would stop and against my will, I would be spending between $200-$300 a day on drugs. Opiates controlled who I saw, where I went, what I did, and every single aspect of my life was controlled by this terrible addiction. 

I tried my best to make it seem like I was fine, but I was a full-blown drug addict. My self-esteem and self-worth were gone. My self-talk was extremely negative, hoping that the person I saw in the mirror would die every single day. I would pray for God to fix me, I learned later that prayer without work is dead.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

After years of suffering from addiction, someone introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was desperate for something to fix me, so I attended a meeting. When you’re on the verge of suicide, you start taking suggestions. I was unable to successfully detox myself at this point, so I attended the meeting high on opiates. But hey, at least I showed up.

I heard someone mention that this disease ends in three ways… “Jails, Institutions, and Death”. I guess I was too stubborn and didn’t take enough of a beating at this point, because I left the meeting that night saying “That will never be a part of my life”. Little did I know that Jails, Institutions, and Death would slowly start to consume everything around me. 

Over the next several years, four of my friends ended up serving 5-15 years in prison each for the distribution of narcotics and burglary. Five of my good friends overdosed and died on fentanyl. My amazing friend Alyssa hung herself in a prison cell from heroin withdrawal. My old roommate received a life sentence for a homicide related to drugs.

Thankfully, several of my buddies ended up in Mental Institutions and Treatment Facilities to receive proper help. I knew I needed to change, but I was still stuck in this delusional state of addiction where I thought I could get out of this on my own. My life was about to change in a big way over the next two years. 

I ended up in a traumatic motorcycle accident, fracturing my tibial plateau in several areas. I was in terrible pain, but my first thought was “How am I going to get enough pain medication to stop me from withdrawing and help the pain in any way?”. 

I was rushed to the hospital and went into emergency surgery. I woke up from surgery with an external fixation device from my ankle to thigh with 2 rods drilled into my femur and two rods drilled into my shin. My leg was drilled straight with rods for three weeks while the swelling went down enough to plan my second surgery.

I was at a local hospital and not too far from my dealer at this point. As soon as I could function, I texted him to visit me in the hospital to deliver $10,000 worth of opiates.

At this point, there was no hope of sobriety for me in the near future. They transferred me to an orthopedic specialty trauma center in the city for my next surgery. I went into surgery the day I arrived and woke up to excruciating pain.

I had 7 screws and a plate implanted into my tibial plateau and down my shin. They started me on a morphine IV, it did NOTHING for the pain. They tried Dilaudid, but I felt no relief whatsoever. Next, they hit me with a fentanyl IV, that’s exactly what I needed.

I experienced pain relief for about 45 minutes. I was cleared from the recovery room and sent to my inpatient room where I would click the dilaudid drip to maximum dispense limits every hour and sniff my stash every time the nurse left me alone for the next week. I was an immobile drug addict who had a long journey to recovery. I thought to myself, “If I’m going to overdose, at least I’m already in a hospital”. 

I was in a pretty bad mental, emotional, and physical place at this point. Maybe God is challenging me through this adversity to change my life forever?

My family was worried sick about me knowing how much I was suffering. After discharge, I had a home health physical therapist work with me three times a week to help me break through the scar tissue over 125 days to get a proper range of motion back in my knee joint. They also helped me learn to move from a wheelchair to a walker, to two crutches, to one crutch, to a cane, and finally walk on my own in an ankle-to-thigh brace.

Simultaneously, I was trying to figure out how to treat my addiction to opiates. I was already out on disability, so it would be the perfect time to go to an inpatient treatment center and clean my life up. Unfortunately, no rehabs could accommodate my physical therapy needs and this had to come first if I ever wanted to walk on my own again. 

My only option was to start an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). I humbly crutched myself into an IOP asking for help. I continued physical therapy and was attending IOP three times a week working with addiction therapists. I was learning a lot about sobriety and how people stay sober. The only problem was I couldn’t get sober.

As hard as I tried, the physical, mental, and emotional obsession would not let loose of its grip on me. I spent 7 months in IOP with no sober time. The therapists continued to tell me that I needed to get myself into an inpatient program and get separated from the drugs. I was ready to die before my ego would allow me to step foot into an inpatient rehab. 

I stopped going to IOP and continued feeding my addiction. My life started spiraling downward over the next few months. At this time I would go to AA meetings and watch YouTube videos trying to figure out how to sober up.

I realized that I needed serious help and medical attention if I ever wanted to end this suffering. I was finally given the gift of desperation. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I was ready to do anything and everything to get sober. For the first time in a long time, I was honest. I got honest with myself and everyone close to me. I was going to do whatever it took to successfully detox from the drugs and live a sober life.

I dropped my ego and asked for help. I committed myself to an inpatient treatment center for detox and addiction therapy. After my detox period, I attended every meeting, every small group, every 1:1 therapy session, and all the guest speaker meetings. It’s kind of funny, but I won three awards in treatment. I didn’t go in for an oil change, I was there to change my life forever.

They say “Your new life will cost you your old one”. I was ready to let go of everything in my past to become the man I admire in all ways. I clearly did not know how to get sober or stay sober so I was open to all suggestions from anyone that had overcome addiction. 

The most successful people in addiction recovery follow some sort of program. I began reading the big book of alcoholics anonymous to see what it was all about. I learned that drugs and alcohol were being used as the solution to all my deeper internal problems.

I had trauma to uncover and face. I began to understand my character defects, my shortcomings, my fears, my resentments from the past, all things that could lead me back to using. I used to be scared of change because I was so comfortable in my addiction.

In order to recover from my addiction, I had to face all these things and truly change who I am as a person. I needed to live in conscious congruency. I needed to pause my impulsive actions and decision-making.

Before I do anything, I ask myself, is this the right thing to do? Is this the honest thing to do? If everyone close to me can’t know what I’m doing, who I’m with, or where I’m going, it’s probably not the right or honest thing to do. Today, I realize how selfish my addiction really was. I was serving myself and destroying all those that cared for me. 

I’m working on a 12-step program today. I have a sponsor, I have a sober community to rely on, I attend meetings, and I have a great relationship with my family and friends who support my recovery.

Every day I try to find someone I can help, whether it’s helping someone move furniture, providing a meal, or talking with another alcoholic or addict. I pray for God to remove my self-pity and allow me to be of service to another person each day. When you transcend self and live to serve others, your life will change. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I live an honest life today. My friends and family know my story and are proud of the person I am today. I have a new purpose in life, to help others struggling with mental health, addiction, and recovering from traumatic injuries. 

There is a mental health and addiction stigma in today’s world. I see a lot more influential figures coming clean and speaking on the difficulties of mental health and struggles with addiction. We’re moving in the right direction to get people the help they need.

Next time you see your friend, don’t ask casually “How are you?”. Look them in the eyes, get present with them, and ask them “How’s your mental health?”.

We need to be more meaningful when catching up and checking on our people. That’s the difference between someone saying “I’m good” and moving on with their day and someone who just needed an extra push to get honest and tell you what’s really going on in their head.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Do not be afraid to ask for help. We can’t do this on our own, but with community, we can! The most courageous thing I ever did was ask for help. It truly saved my life.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Fifth Vital: This book helped me realize that other people struggle with addiction just like me and there’s always hope! 
• Wes Watson on Youtube: Daily motivation and inspiration to live a better life and stay focused on your goals. 
• The Power of One More: The ultimate guide to happiness and success. 
• Keep it Simple: Daily motivation and quotes for healthy sobriety. I read this every single day!   
• Alcoholics Anonymous – The Big Book: If you’re struggling with substance abuse, this is a must-have! 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Recently, I’ve been working on a Recovery-Based Journal to help other struggling alcoholics and addicts. The project is called “The Comeback Series”. Please check us out on Instagram and Facebook.

We provide tools, resources, and knowledge for those looking to get sober or already working in a recovery program. If you send a DM, I will personally respond. Please do not hesitate to reach out!

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Journey From a Life of Alcohol and Drugs to Sobriety and Helping Others appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Elijah Meason. Currently, I am a certified peer Support Specialist in the State of New Mexico. I am about to marry an amazing woman and as of this moment, my life couldn’t be better. 

Because of the struggles I have been through, I have dedicated my life to helping others in similar situations. I am working on obtaining my master’s degree and running an organization called MHAPSS that is dedicated to the development of peer support workers everywhere. 

Overall, I would say that today, I am happy.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD and that was on top of having a drug and alcohol addiction that consumed the better part of 16 years. 

As for how it all got started, well… 

My family life growing up was a little chaotic, to say the least. Drugs and alcohol were common place and I was constantly moving around. That’s not to say that my parents were using in front of me, just that it was fairly obvious as to what was going on.

Because of this, I actually grew up attending AA meetings and was introduced to “recovery” pretty early on. Even so, I would go on to spend 16 years in an alcohol and drug-induced nightmare that almost consumed my life. 

Irony at its finest. 

I set my world on fire at a young age. Drinking, getting high, and late-night adventures terrorizing the city streets were part of daily life for a long time. How I never got expelled from school is anyone’s guess. Especially considering that I had an ambulance called on me midday during class because of an overdose. 

However, my brush with death in front of the entire school did not deter me from continuing to self-destruct. In fact, it only added to my over-the-top ego and made me think I was invincible.  

At age 17 my mother took her own life and things went from bad to worse. No longer was I just a teenage rebel looking for thrills, I was running. Running from pain, running from uncertainty, and mostly running from myself.

I no longer wanted to feel so I turned to any chemical I could get my hands on. Heroin, alcohol, and even over-the-counter medications.

You name it, I was on it.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Every decision I made was dictated by whether or not it would interfere with my drug use. I knew my life was a wreck but what I didn’t know was how much worse it was about to get. I started using a needle and for the next ten years, (queue the music montage) every day was a horrific blur of pain and destruction. 

Everything became engulfed in violence, deceit, and loneliness. There were some close calls with my life, countless nights in jail, and people overdosing all around me.

Still, it wasn’t enough. I soon graduated from petty crimes to felonies and I soon found myself on the run, living on the streets of Albuquerque, NM. I felt completely hopeless and that there was no way out of the mess I was in. 

Any reasonable person could see that I needed help, but a reasonable person I was not. In fact, things only continued to escalate until finally, the State of New Mexico decided to make that choice for me. I had been on the run for multiple felonies and stealing a candy bar was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Irony, my only friend. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I quickly realized that I was destined to spend the next few years wearing an orange jumpsuit, with plenty of time to think about what I had done. What I didn’t realize (at the time) was that it was probably saving my life. 

As fate would have it, I actually found myself in the company of several men who were trying to turn things around for themselves. To be sure, this isn’t always the typical experience for someone who finds themselves locked up. However, I am eternally grateful that it was for me. 

I will be honest and say, in the beginning, I wanted nothing to do with “recovery”. I was stubborn and thought I could manage things on my own. Besides, it had never worked for my mother, why would it work for me? 

The way I saw it, recovery was for people who were weak and I didn’t need any of that cheesy nonsense in my life. 

I had a heart filled with resentment and rage. More than that, the dark shadow of my past still haunted me, and it was all I could see. However, with nothing but time, I was forced to finally face the demons I had been trying to ignore all those years. 

Everything changed with one question, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”. I had to decide, Did I want to hold on to the anger, pain, and hatred that had taken over? Did I want to take this path to the grave? Or was I willing to try something new?

So in that cell, with a scratched-up sink, metal toilet, and cinder block walls, I decided to sit down and for once in my life, listen. 

I wanted to be happy. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I learned mindfulness and meditation first. Although I was skeptical, I figured I had nothing left to lose. Little did I know, I was about to gain everything.

By chance, I found an old book that described Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and started incorporating these new skills into my mindfulness practices. 

Overcoming these challenges was no easy task. That being said, I practiced mindfulness and the skills I was learning in everything that I did. More than that, I incorporated tools from CBT such as the ABC tool, cognitive reframing, and keeping a thought record. 

Once again, irony steps into my life. All the stuff that I thought was cheesy, useless, and a complete waste of time… It worked. 

To say that it worked, I don’t mean that I am cured or that I never have difficult moments. Rather than through mindfulness and the skills from CBT, I am able to manage any symptoms I do experience. I’ve learned to be aware of how my thoughts influence my emotions and catch them before I get carried away. 

More than that, I have learned not to run from painful emotions. Mindfulness has allowed me to accept them and feel what I am feeling in the moment. I’ve come to understand that emotions are not the enemy. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

As a peer support worker and future drug and alcohol counselor, I am very open about my struggles. In fact, I have found that the more open I am about all of it, the less power it holds in my life.  

Obviously, this approach may not be for everyone. But, I think that speaking our truths is not only our own path to freedom but it helps change the stigma around mental health and addiction. Each time we tell our story, it helps shift the perspective toward empathy and compassion.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Accepting help was the turning moment in my life and it’s my recommendation for anyone struggling with mental health or addiction challenges.

More importantly, I recommend being open to the process. I’ve realized that sometimes our idea of getting better may be different from how it actually works. 

This is what kept me stuck for so many years. 

Having a therapist guide you through this process can make it easier to grasp. I’ve realized that now.

One thing to remember. 

Just because something works for one person, doesn’t mean it will work for another. Finding what works for you is the key to better mental health. Be open to new possibilities and look for wisdom in the most unexpected of places.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• As far as mindfulness goes, the book that started it all for me was Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path To Achieving Success, Happiness, (And World Peace) by Chade-Meng Tan. This book broke things down in a way that was easy to understand. More than that, it was fun. The ideas, concepts, and exercises are presented in such a way that anyone can connect with them.
• For CBT I would recommend the book Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger, Ph.D. This book presents CBT in an accessible way and provides worksheets and explanations to back up what is discussed. It gives a step-by-step process that guides you through the tools needed to change your thinking. 
• Alternatively, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Made Simple: 10 Strategies for Managing Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Panic and Worry by Seth Gillihan, is another great book. 

That being said, the most important thing is to find what works for you. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can learn more about me at one of two places:

• mhapss.com – to learn about me and the work I am doing to help others struggling with mental health and addiction.
• streetsober.com – to read more about my chaotic life in addiction.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Accepting Help and Mindfulness Became the Turning Point in My Life appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! My name is Mary Addison Yates and I like to be addressed by my first and middle name, MaryAddison. I’m a South Carolina native and have lived there most of my life, with the exception of three years in TN from the ages of 13-16.

I’m the second to oldest of five siblings, soon-to-be ex-wife, and co-parent with the father of our amazing 11-year-old boy/girl twins. I was a dental assistant for 20 years until 2020 when I had the courage to discover my passion and became an ICF certified life coach.

I’m extremely passionate about sharing my experience, strength, and hope to help people feel connected, seen, and heard. It is my belief that each and every human that is brought into existence is beautifully and uniquely created on purpose, for a purpose. Our life is evidence of our inherent worthiness; we do NOT have to earn it.

Feeling happy ebbs and flows for me depending on my inner state of being, outer circumstances, and attitude, but I can always find something to be grateful for. I feel the happiest when I have taken care of myself first, am fully present in the moment, and am focused on serving others.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I believe my struggles are a conglomeration of my DNA, my life experiences, how they affect me, and whether I have the awareness to address them. My greatest challenge was not knowing I was worthy of love due to experiencing emotional neglect as a child.

I experienced anxiety, panic attacks, and addiction for 16 years. I experience chronic musculoskeletal pain due to scoliosis, mood swings, brain fog, and fatigue due to perimenopause, poor working memory, time blindness, inattention, and hyperfocus due to ADHD. I am currently experiencing a cycle of depression due to having a major depressive disorder.

My earliest memory is of me desperately seeking evidence that my existence mattered. I felt unseen and unheard; invisible. The emotional pain was so intense I found a way to store all my feelings in my gut and disassociate from my body.

I had a constant stream of thoughts running through my mind. I used people-pleasing and strove for an undefined version of perfectionism in an attempt to feel useful and worthy of love.

I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation around age 14, started taking anti-depressants, and began therapy. I was also introduced to drugs and alcohol around that time, and it was a way to quiet the constant noise in my head.

At some point I crossed an invisible line that took me from recreational use to not having a choice whether I was going to drink and do drugs, it was only a matter of when I would again; no matter how many times I swore to myself that I was going to stop.

When I was younger, I worked extremely hard in school to make good grades but it was extremely challenging for me. Either I was undiagnosed with ADHD or I was unaware of it. Either way, I didn’t think I was as smart as everyone else because schoolwork seemed so much more difficult for me.

As I got older, I thought I was lazy, unmotivated, and irresponsible. I would start many projects but had a hard time finishing them. Trying to manage a job, household, and motherhood seemed so overwhelming and I judged myself extremely harshly. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I was so used to people-pleasing and masking my pain, that most people didn’t seem to notice that I was extremely depressed. Eventually, I barely went around people who cared about me.

In my darkest moments, I wanted my life to end. I was drinking so heavily on a daily basis, I would black out (be awake and functioning but have no memory of what I did) and behave in demoralizing and dangerous ways.

When I would wake up and learn about what I had done the night before from someone else, I was so ashamed of myself. I hated who I had become, it was a vicious cycle and a living hell.

Yet, somehow I was able to become a dental assistant when I was 20 years old. I could only keep a job for 1-3 years before I let my anger and resentment slip out and get fired for being disrespectful to my bosses.

I was a really hard worker and could hide my feelings for a while so I was always able to get a new job. I wasn’t able to recognize that I needed help because I didn’t see myself as the stereotypical addict begging for money, living in an abandoned house or under a bridge somewhere.

I met my future husband when I was 26 but I never felt truly connected to him. I felt just as invisible to him as I did to everyone else. When we decided we wanted to have children, by some miracle, I was able to abstain from drinking just before and during my pregnancy.

I coped by being very controlling, a shopaholic, and a workaholic. The twins were born when I was 31 and postpartum depression led me back to the only solution I thought I had: drinking. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The moment I recognized that I’d rather be drinking than taking care of my babies was simultaneously the most horrifying and most wonderful moment of my life.

It was at that point that I was given the gift of desperation, to do something different. I met with my therapist and she recommended that I attend a 12-step recovery meeting.

I was terrified but I was determined to figure out how to overcome my pain and addiction. For 32 years I felt lost and broken. Twelve-step recovery was the beginning of a life I never even dreamed could be possible.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

After I was aware that I had a problem, that I needed help, and became willing to seek it. Being a part of a 12-step program gave me a group of people who could relate to my experiences and feelings. It gave me hope and showed me that it was possible to get better.

Having a mentor help me through the process of the 12 steps taught me how to become aware of my thoughts and actions, to understand what I could and couldn’t control, how to be responsible and accountable, and how to connect with and rely on a Higher Power- who loves me unconditionally.

Treating my disease of addiction is something I focus on, daily. It has been one of the key elements that have allowed me to practice acceptance and experience moments of happiness and joy every single day.

Understanding how ADHD affects the way my brain works has been a huge part of learning to love and accept myself. I now understand that ADHD is a superpower that I can work with vs. trying to do things in a neurotypical way and feeling like a failure.

One of the things I learned was that I am not necessarily motivated by what is important, I’m motivated by what is either urgent or interesting to me. I can use this information to ensure I have a specific deadline to complete a task and/or gamify anything that’s boring or mundane to me.

For example, grocery shopping is a monotonous task that I would avoid, but I can gamify it by setting a time limit for how long it can take for me to get everything I need and check out.

Before I go, I can write the list in order of the way the store is laid out and when I’m there I get to find the quickest ways around other people to try and beat the time I set for myself.

I continue seeing a therapist to help me process past events and emotions. Currently, I am seeing a therapist that uses a technique that allows me to express and process my emotions.

I have also learned to use EFT Tapping (emotional freedom technique), a mind-body therapy that involves tapping key acupressure points on the hands, face, and body with your fingertips while focusing on uncomfortable feelings or concerns, and using positive affirmations to neutralize those feelings.

It’s critical to utilize my psychiatrist to manage my medication for depression. It’s been my experience that depression is a process of gradual decline and oftentimes it is hard to notice until I’ve gotten to the point of hopelessness.

I just recently recognized that I was suffering from depression again. Having someone who knows my history and is able to ask the right questions to assess my levels of depression is vital for me.

To support my physical body, I see an integrative medical practitioner to help monitor and treat any nutritional and hormonal abnormalities. I also see a chiropractor and massage therapist on a regular basis to manage my chronic pain.

I also have daily self-care practices that ensure I make time to nurture my mind, body, and spirit. Sleep, hydration, movement, Epsom salt baths, meditation, mindfulness, time in nature, feeling my feelings, giving myself compassion, reaching out to others, and making time for creativity are some ways I increase my ability to experience happiness.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I am an open book. I truly believe my darkest experiences as well as my moments of joy and happiness are equally important and necessary to experience life fully in its entirety.

If I can help one person feel that their experience is relatable and recognize that they are not alone, and that there’s hope that they, too can experience happiness, I will feel fulfilled. We all want to feel like we matter, want to be seen, heard, and in connection with our humanity.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Find something to be grateful for. One of the most powerful tools I have is gratitude. I am NOT advocating for you to ignore your struggles or to try to be positive all the time, this can be very damaging. Instead, I like to acknowledge, validate and express my feelings to myself and then I search for something to be grateful for.

When I first started my gratitude practice, I would write down three things I was grateful for each day. It wasn’t easy, but before long the list would fill my entire page and now it’s almost automatic. I can honestly say that even through challenging times, I am extremely grateful that I now understand I am worthy of love, and have the ability to advocate for my well-being.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie was an incredibly eye-opening and useful resource that helped me understand what codependency was, losing oneself in the name of helping another, understanding that I am powerless to change anyone but myself and that caring for myself is where healing begins.
• The book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown revolutionized my understanding of worthiness. It was the catalyst that began my journey to practice courage, compassion, and connection with others. It is a book I will read over and over again because I always learn something new depending on how I’ve processed the concepts since the last time I read it. 
• The podcast ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka is the number one tool I recommend to women who have been diagnosed with ADHD and women that I suspect have ADHD but are undiagnosed or unaware. It is the most empowering show I have found that focuses on the strengths of ADHD and shares other women’s relatable experiences. It helped me understand the signs and symptoms that women with ADHD experience and I stopped shaming myself for the brain I was gifted with!
• The app Insight Timer is my go-to app for thousands of guided meditations, sound healing music, courses, and more. The free version is packed with value. You can search by any topic and filter by rating score or length of time. I especially love it for my afternoon naps!

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Learn about my coaching practice, speaking events, podcast interviews, and more on my website.

Find my story in the Amazon best-selling book Magnetic Abundance: Stories of those who have tuned to their heart’s mission.

Feel free to reach out via email, Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How the 12-Step Program and Therapy Helped Me Deal With Addiction, Depression & ADHD appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Jonathan. I currently live in Israel. I am unemployed, but constantly look for a job that I might be able to maintain despite my difficulties.

I have a dog and a cat. Both weren’t really mine initially, but I have a tendency to take in animals.

I’m very passionate about creativity – as a consumer of music, films, books, visual art, and also as a creator. For most of my life, I didn’t allow myself the title of ‘creator’ as I deemed myself not good enough, but I try to shift that stiff perspective.

I wouldn’t consider myself happy, but I do have moments of happiness, and I try to allow myself to immerse as much as I can in them, instead of rejecting the feeling when it comes.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Clinical depression, anxiety, CPTSD, and Binge Eating Disorder. I coped by self-medicating with alcohol and pills, and so for a few years, the problem was alcoholism. When I got sober, I became obsessed with food.

Food was always an underlying issue, though. I only found my fondness for alcohol when I was looking for alternatives to eating in my teenage years. 

The obsession over death and dying was always there. The need to disappear, to be forgotten, was always present. Food was a way to have some sense of control inside that chaos, and over the years that struggle presented itself as anorexia, binge eating, purging with exercise, self-harm, and then alcohol and pills (mostly Xanax).

It has been a daily struggle for me and for any person who was around me, who is around me. I was sucking the air out of every room I walked into, and treated others unfairly out of being so blindly obsessed with my own issues.

I lied, cheated, stole, and lied again. To others, to myself. Even people who were taking care of me – therapists, carers at rehabs, other addicts. Lies upon lies, to escape the shame.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I would fantasize about dying and vanishing off the face of the earth. The only problem I could think of was that the memory of my existence would remain after my death – and I couldn’t handle that. 

Happiness wasn’t even in my vocabulary other than a cruel word to describe the opposite of the sheer misery I felt. The misery I still feel, most days.

It was apparent to everyone that I came across. I hated their concern. The pity. Which just drove me further into shame and more using and more shame and so on. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I was drunk on the bathroom floor in a motel in Venice. It was a few weeks after a breakup, I sobered up in those few weeks as I tried to make believe that I can change and that I’m in control.

My mother saw what state I was in, and booked a flight for us to Venice. Just to get me out of that house, for some miracle to happen. 

The second night there, I relapsed and I couldn’t handle it – laying there in a foreign country, wasted and hungry, with my poor mother in the next room who paid the money she didn’t have just to try and make me feel better.

To prevent me from going through with that fantasy of dying in my room. Something broke and I asked for help, for the first time I ASKED instead of being forced into receiving help.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I’m still very far from overcoming anything, but I have almost a year of sobriety, and I feel proud of that.

I went to rehab, I failed  – and went again. I tried going to groups afterward, wasn’t my thing, so I reached out to specific people that I felt like I could trust, or at least trust enough to be able to share with them and listen when they had something to say. 

I had to stop working out and try to manage my eating for a while. I felt shittier, I looked worse – but I feel like from that came an ability I didn’t have before, which is the ability to have some wiggle room. 

Being sober or being ‘okay’ isn’t about becoming perfect. 

A lot of people expect to look better or earn more or fall in love and so on. Sure, it can happen – but those are not pillars to build yourself on, because they can fade.

You need to do an inventory with yourself or a therapist, look into who you are that brings you such shame or guilt, and start confronting that.

For me, I have to keep reminding myself that things aren’t as big as they seem in the moment. If something goes wrong, my tendency is to balloon it up to enormous proportions and then I get so anxious that I HAVE to use it. 

I think I got lucky in a twisted sense, on that bathroom floor in Venice. I’ve been drunk on floors more times than I can remember  – but that time I felt so crushingly alone that I HAD to try something else.

So it’s 50% luck, 40% determination to not go through withdrawals ever again, and 10% a realization that I never wanted drugs or alcohol or even to look good or eat yummy things. I just wanted to feel at peace.

Now I know where the peace isn’t, so I keep looking, finding glimpses, and then it’s gone again. You have to keep looking, knowing you’ll probably never find it for more than a few moments, and that it’s enough.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

A bit, some parts.

Honestly, I don’t feel able to share everything with anyone, as I’m still carrying shame around it. I did share some things in rehab, with a close friend, with my current girlfriend. 

I’ve found that it’s easier for me to open up about my alcoholism and pill abuse and not about my eating disorder. Maybe because there’s a weird romanticization of being an alcoholic, whereas food problems lack the glamor. I need to work on that.

I do not feel comfortable sharing with most of my family or people who were my friends, some of them are very religious and some would just not understand and would see it as if I’m saying they are flawed for not being able to understand, which is obviously not my intention when I share.

It’s hard if I try to do it for myself, but for some strange reason, it comes much more easily if I feel it would be for someone else’s benefit. 

It’s a cliff I’ve been living on my whole life, so if I see someone else standing there I feel compelled to share, even if my experiences are embarrassing or painful to me in a bad light (which is fair. I’ve been an arse for a long time).

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Nothing remains the same. It might look the same or feel the same – but it’s not. We are constantly shifting, inside and out, taking from and giving back to the feedback loop around us.

If you can do something that you deem helpful even just once – it’s a step that already changed you a bit. Every sip you didn’t take counts, every hobby you’ve tried gave you something.

When you fall, embrace it and try to move forward again, as impossible or pointless as it seems. I know I’d hate reading these words, but I had to write them. I hope someday you’ll be able to read them and understand why.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I read and listened to whatever I could find, from Gabor Mate to I’m Glad My Mom Died.

But honestly, it’s not about anything that anyone else can say or how much you understand about the mechanisms that move you, It’s about sitting with yourself and trying to be.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

No social media for me.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Journey From Alcoholism to 1 Year Into Sobriety and Better Mental Health appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello everyone, my name is Bryan Davis. I am from Tyler, Texas. I work in public education as a special education teacher. I work mainly with students who also have learning issues. Occasionally I work with students who have emotional trauma. I have also taught technology applications.

I am currently going into my 20th or 21st year of teaching (I honestly can’t remember), and like many teachers, I think of getting out sometimes, but I am too far in to do that now. And, it is worth it knowing you helped someone better their life.

I am happily divorced and have a wonderful dog that I have had for almost 12 years. I bottle-fed Cash when his mother abandoned him; he and I are quite close. I know my time with him is getting shorter every day, so I make sure he gets lots of scratches and pets.

I am an avid landscape photographer and pitmaster. Pork and briskets are my favorites to smoke.

I consider myself happy at this point in my life, but that wasn’t always the case. I struggled with depression for many, many years. Later in life, social anxiety decided to crash the party in my head.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My form of depression is classified as Major Depressive Disorder or clinical depression. I’ve had it since I was 17. I remember not having any interest in much of anything outside of playing golf. (I was on the high school golf team).

I no longer wanted to go hunting or fishing, and if I wasn’t on the golf course, I was holed up in my room. I was just withdrawing into my mind, wondering what was happening. I knew I shouldn’t feel this way, but I didn’t know how to explain it to anyone or what to do about it. Unfortunately, mental health was not something people talked about then.

Looking back on things now, I think the medication I took for acne caused much of my trouble. Accutane came on the market in 1982, I began taking it in 1985, and in 1986 I was feeling very depressed. 

Accutane had a number of side effects, but the one that impacted me the most was depression; the stats say only 1% of people will have MDD while on Accutane. I was that 1 percent.

Later on, in my early thirties, I had my testosterone levels checked because my anti-depressants really weren’t doing me much good. My levels came back and were extremely low. Again I think this goes back to the Accutane.

There are studies out there now that show Accutane can affect testosterone. So having low testosterone in my teens through my mid 30’s and depression was not a good combination.

Once I started testosterone replacement therapy, my depression was not as bad. I was still not great though. I was just going through life without a purpose.

I did have periods where I thought I was happy, but those periods would only last for maybe a couple of weeks at most. Usually, just days; then, for some reason, I would go down again. As a friend said, “It’s like you retreat into a cave.” And this would be my pattern for years. Withdrawing into my mental cave.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

For me, depression isn’t always feeling sad. A large part of the time, I could be telling a joke to someone, but on the inside, I felt disconnected. 

Robin Williams explained depression the best. Two quotes from him stick out.

• “All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are.”
• “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”

That’s how I felt, injured and completely worthless. I really was never suicidal, sure I thought about it, I think everyone does at some point. I just couldn’t bear to think what it would have to my parents, and who would have taken care of my dog?

When I was married, I would retreat to the garage to work on some little project. Or I would get up early and look for landscapes to photograph. My wife thought I was just out enjoying a hobby. 

I was really wanting to be away from everyone. Sometimes it would hit me, and I would just pull over to the side of the road and cry. No real reason; nothing bad had happened. It was like I just needed a good cry, I was just miserable. I felt like I wasn’t a good person. That I wasn’t capable of being happy. I wanted to be, just the chemicals in my brain said otherwise.

During this period, I made a terrible choice; I began drinking quite heavily. I know, not smart. I was depressed, living in a city I hated, in a doomed relationship. Whiskey became my friend. I eventually divorced(yeah) and moved back to the country(heck yeah); a cat, a dog, depression, and whiskey came with me. 

Once back where I felt comfortable, I did better for a while. It seemed about when I thought everything was going well, something would happen to trigger a relapse. 

My father passed away, more failed relationships, and I would retreat into my mental cave each time something traumatic happened.

Outside of my mother saying something occasionally, no one said anything to me; I was a functioning depressed alcoholic. Only a couple of close friends even knew that I drank. I didn’t go to bars or anything. I just sat on the porch each evening, drinking Irish whiskey till it got dark. I thought I was living a nice quiet life. In reality, I was drinking to forget how miserable I really was.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I knew that I needed to change my habits, especially the alcohol part for a long time, years, probably decades. I just wasn’t mentally fully committed to change. My school classes were canceled during the pandemic since I was not a core class teacher. Thus I wasn’t interacting with anyone. 

I started to experience severe social anxiety; I actually missed being around people. This was a new feeling since I have never had a problem being alone. But man, I did miss being around my coworkers and students. I even texted the suicide hotline several times, not that I was suicidal; I just felt so alone and super depressed.

So here I am, living on 75 acres of land, with no neighbors around me, depression is full-blown, drinking a lot, and I mean a lot. No social interaction. Life was not good.

After the pandemic, things did get a little better. I wasn’t as depressed; instead of being fully back in my mental cave of depression, I was at least approaching the opening. I think it helped some since I was back around people; alcohol use was still prevalent though.

Eventually, my mother and landlord had an intervention. It worked. It helped me pull my head out of where it was and realize what I was doing to myself. It was a tough choice, but I made the right decision. I was finally ready mentally to accept the fact that I needed help and that I couldn’t do this on my own. I decided to make some big changes, this time for the better.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I moved into the city to be around more people. I took an online outpatient rehab class that was helpful for my alcohol use. I also did online therapy for my depression. Talk therapy really wasn’t my style. But both classes mentioned something that did strike me. That was to start journaling my thoughts and feelings.

I was hesitant at first, but once I began, I ended up really liking journaling. I even splurged and got two nice moleskin journals. Sometimes if I didn’t have my journal, I would just write in a note app on my phone.

I kept two journals; one was a sobriety journal. The other is a mental health journal. I still write in the mental health journal. I would write specific prompts, like what triggers made me want to drink or what I am grateful for. You can find an endless list of writing prompts online.

Another important thing I started was I went for a walk when I felt the urge to drink. Sometimes in the evenings, when I used to drink the most, I would go for three walks or more, each at least 20 minutes. 

With just the slightest passing thought of drinking, out the door I went. After just a few weeks of doing this, I started dropping weight. And I wasn’t nearly as depressed. 

This is where I realized that I could control myself. Replace a bad habit with a good one.

So now I’m several weeks in from not having a drink; I’m mentally feeling better, thinking clearly, and physically getting better. These changes led me to read and research online topics like fitness, motivation, and living a healthy lifestyle. I really enjoyed the research, and I started writing in my journal about different things I read. 

One of the first things I learned was that exercising releases endorphins which make you feel better. Hey, a triple win; I’m losing weight, not nearly as depressed, and not drinking. 

I was out on one of my walks and I thought, “Hey, I feel happy”. I can walk to that spot right now and point it out to you.

I had worked out before, but not like I was now. Before, I was never really consistent. So since I liked researching and weight lifting, I began looking into getting a trainer. I thought if I’m going to do this, I want to do it right.  

The problem was that with my work schedule, I would be in the gym around 5 am. Only a few trainers will meet you in the gym at that time in the morning. None around where I live.

My research led me to contact and work with Mike Gettier of GettFit.com. Mike gave me workout plans, dieting strategies, and his cell number, so if I had questions or needed support, I could call or text anytime.

Hey, I’ve got someone on my side who wants to help me look and feel better. I felt comfortable enough to ask Mike any questions, and he answered them all. Mike was able to help me so much physically and mentally. I was struggling once, and wasn’t really focusing the way I should have been. And Mike texted me these words – “Remember why you started”. And that helped.

So now I’m fully into living a healthy lifestyle. My newfound journaling skills and research led me to take classes on becoming a master-certified life coach focusing on motivation and mindset. I also studied nutrition and became a NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine) Certified Nutrition Coach!

That led me to start my website I call Mentally39. I wanted to share what I was learning; I write about mental health, mindset, motivation, and things related to a healthy lifestyle. It’s only a few months old but it’s gaining some traction.

Am I a great writer? No, but that doesn’t stop me from practicing and putting my material out there. Having the website has been wonderful for me; I can reach more people, and I stay busy writing about topics that I care about.

What would you recommend other people do if they were in your shoes?

My advice is to find a healthy outlet that works for you. Some people like to draw or do photography. Write poetry, a short story, or whatever works for you. Take a class at a local college or get online. You can find online communities for almost everything. If you can’t find one, create it, maybe that is your calling.

What helped me was journaling and wanting to help people. People like me have struggled in the past and are trying to get themselves together. Develop a plan, and set very specific goals (SMART Goals). My goal for the future is to write my own motivational mindset material that people can and will use. Not just read over it but put it into practice.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Growing up in the 80’s people didn’t talk about mental health. Tell someone you were depressed and you would get the typical “just cheer up”. People were afraid to talk about mental issues, some people were afraid of losing their jobs.

Afraid that if they talked to their doctor about it, the work insurance would report them or somehow their boss would find out. And people are still afraid to talk about it, I think it’s slightly less so now than in the past, but not by much.

Depression is tough to talk about to someone who doesn’t have it, but I think people are a lot more aware now. No, I’m not always sad, I’m just not an over-the-top happy person at times.

And being a guy, it’s tough, meds can impact you sexually, which can make you feel less of a man. If you are married please talk to your spouse, and let them know what is going on.

Do I find it hard to talk about my mental health issues? Not anymore, before, yes. I didn’t have the tools to properly express myself before. Now I write my thoughts and emotions down, come back a day or two later, and rewrite them. Basically an edit or final version.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I want people to know that there is help and that you can change. Is it going to be easy? Probably not. Especially at the beginning. Think of it as learning a new skill or a new sport. Something that you have never done before.

Chances are you are not going to be very good at it. Let’s take golf as an example; you could buy some clubs, find a golf course, and teach yourself. And I can tell you you are going to struggle a lot. 

Or you could hire a professional and get better a lot quicker. Same with your mental health. Find a professional that you like and take lessons. Take the advice they give and really practice. If the first coach doesn’t work out, find another. With Zoom, and all the apps available, you can have a mental lesson pretty much anywhere at any time. But you have to take that first step and get help. That pro isn’t going to come to find you.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• One of the first books I ever read to try on self-improvement was Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman I read that back in the late 2000s probably. Basically, in a very small nutshell, would you allow someone to talk to you, the way you talk to yourself? And that has stuck with me, did I always apply it, that would be a no. Still, it’s a good read.

• Find Your Why by Simon Synek, David Mead and Peter Docker is currently beside me on my desk. It is about finding your purpose, it is somewhat of a mix of business and motivation. I can clearly see myself using this to help motivate students in the classroom.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can check my website – Articles I write are posted here, along with motivational quotes

On Facebook and Instagram, I post motivational, mental health, or informational tidbits I find interesting.

If I can help anyone at all, I will try my best. If you just need to vent about something you are more than welcome to contact me.

I will respond as soon as I can. Just know that I may be teaching and not available for an immediate response. But I will get back to you. 

If you are hurting and think you may hurt yourself or someone else please call 911 or the suicide hotline which is 988

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Battling Depression and Alcoholism With Exercise and Journaling appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello, I am Rodrigo, and am currently living in Chihuahua, Mexico. I am currently unemployed and working on a couple of personal projects while I ponder about what to do next. My projects are my podcast (in Spanish), my music, and my Instagram page.

I am divorced with two kids and my biggest passion is music, it has always been my only friend. If it weren’t for music I’d be definitely dead.

I am happy, yes, but I do have my bad days but that just means I’m human and I have emotions. Not all days are filled with sunshine, right? And even in the brightest days you still need an umbrella to cover the sun.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which comes with symptoms of extreme emotions that range from anger to sadness to happiness to everything else. But these emotions are always dialed to 11.

And it’s not just one emotion per day it’s all the emotions all the time and they are extreme.

I don’t know if it’s part of BPD but I never feel wanted by anyone or loved even, it’s such a huge sense of not being loved or wanted or not being part of anything or anyone and not knowing who you are.

I don’t know who I am (a feeling that has worsened now that I found out that my family is filled with narcissists). Also, I think I’m the most hideous-looking person in the world, and that no one cares for me. 

Hypersexuality is another big one in my case, when I’m in a relationship it’s all about sex, I can have sex all day every day if I want to and I do self-pleasure a lot because of the little dopamine I get from it I suppose… 

I’ve never done hard drugs, but two of my uncles are cocaine addicts and that impacted me greatly growing up, cause I felt what it’s like to be around an addict that will be cured “by the powers of god”. What made me fearful of all drugs was one of my uncles craving a high and arguing with my mom (we were visiting an aunt in Pasadena). Things got ugly and my uncle ended up choking my mother right in front of me. I must’ve been 4 at the time.

When I get angry, I become irate. I don’t get violent with people, I’ve never been in a fistfight, but I do get violent with doors, walls, and things around me. I have broken my hand twice hitting stuff.

I also have Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) which makes me imagine things in my head that are not real… Most of the time in my past relationships I’ve always suspected of being cheated on to the point of breaking up.

Also, I always take things personally, even on tv, ads, sometimes I feel like everyone is out to get me and hurt me, so I keep to myself… I do enjoy my loneliness actually. It’s when I’m at peace and it brings the freedom to do what I want when I want

I can’t pinpoint a time when this started since I have repressed all of my childhood, I remember bits and pieces but everything else is just a huge blank.

I would guess it started in my teenage years since that’s when all the depression and anger spewed out. I must’ve been around 12-13 years old but I can’t be sure.

The thing that caused all of it was having narcissistic parents. Parents that were almost never there and when they were there they were very critical of everything I did.

I come from a well-known family and my father has always been involved in politics so he’s always been a public figure.

As such I was always expected to be the “perfect son” and was manipulated, blackmailed, and emotionally abused to submit and not be rebellious (I have the soul of a revolutionary I think ).

I’ve always lived my life “against the grain” so the more I pushed back the more I was insulted into submission.

So most of my life, all decisions have been made by my parents. I was taught that the world is out to get me and that the only people that can ever love me are them, that everyone else just wants to screw me over and hurt me.

There was some physical abuse from my dad, when I was learning to drive he would yell and hit me if I hit a rock or a pothole, and that caused me to be terrified of driving (I learned to drive when I was 16).

I was always shunned because he made me feel like I was stupid and mentally disabled and even said repeatedly “You are gonna end up on the streets”, “you are stupid”, “you are worthless” and all kinds of belittling things. This didn’t just apply to me not knowing how to drive but to everything I did in my life ever.

Also when I was younger I was with some older kids in a sauna and they convinced me that touching them and doing sexual acts with them was “normal” so all my sexuality during my younger years was out of wack since my mother and father never talked to me about sex. I did things that I regret growing up, sexually, that I now have realized is not normal at all.

Over time it got worse, I’m an alcoholic and I’m just 38.

I started drinking when I was 15 and up until I was 36, the worst times were in college when I completely got lost in alcohol. I would sell stuff, ask for borrowed money, and basically blow out the monthly money I was sent on alcohol.

Weed was my companion for the last 4 years and it got bad, I was smoking every day to escape my horrible reality and the situation I am in. I was just numbing all the pain and filling the huge big black hole in my chest with anything I could find. It was either girlfriends, sex, buying things, alcohol, or weed.

I was very irresponsible with money and bought things that I did not need just to be happy.

Another bad habit was making decisions “on the go”. 99% of my life’s decisions were in the spur of the moment, which lead to regret, which lead to depression cause “I’m so stupid”

I’m happy to say that today is my 12th day sober from weed. But yeah, over time it just got progressively worse and I grew more alone.

Do you know how hard it is to be friends with a person who wants to kill themselves and then 5 minutes later they’re ok? It’s draining. Well, I am that person.

This struggle impacted me horribly and made people see me as a weirdo.

Oversharing is a big one as well… as you might have realized… I am an open book to everyone but I do not see it as a bad thing. I am what I am after all.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I’ve never been happy in my life, man, ever. I am always searching for that little piece of dopamine whether it be from alcohol, weed, or falling madly in love in 5 minutes. I hid it for the longest time because, again, my parents.

“How can my kid have a mental health issue, he’s supposed to be perfect”.

Also, I live in a very conservative town so if I told anyone I have mental health issues, they’d think I have mental retardation (sorry for the word) so they talk to me slower and softer.

In my lowest and darkest moments, I turned to suicide, I’ve been suicidal all my life and self-harmed in my younger years. I’d carve things on my arms with sharp pencils and objects and also scratched my arms until they bled and then scratched some more. I hit myself, punched myself, and choked myself.

Last year, I caught myself falling into those patterns again but I have been self-harm free for 2 months now.

I have had 4 suicide attempts, one after I had a situation with my ex-wife during my son’s birthday party, that was the first attempt. I had bought a rope before and was looking for a place to hang myself but never went through until that day.

I was depressed, went into my closet and grabbed a belt which I wrapped around my neck, and proceeded to tighten. The more my brain told me to stop, the tighter I’d get it until something stopped me and I let go. I started crying and told myself “you’re so useless you can’t even kill yourself right”

Then it was two more attempts with a belt and one with a pillow over my face, searched the internet on painless suicide methods, had an open pocket knife in my hands just wanting to either cut my wrists open or stab myself in the chest, eye, or head.

It got dark, it got ugly, I had hit rock bottom and was digging.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I remember it clearly when everything came to be. I was high playing a game and listening to music when it started dripping little by little.

Thoughts of “maybe my family is narcissistic”, “maybe them doing favors for me and then asking for obedience is not normal” and then it opened up like a broken dam when the realization hit… My lord, was it horrid.

I felt all kinds of emotions, imagine having BPD, being high, and now being open to realizing that you never have lived your own life and facing all your trauma! I went into a psychotic breakdown and started crying quietly, laughing, I sent a message to a Twitter friend and she was super supportive but it got to the point where I believed God was here and that my friend was my guardian angel.

I had horrible stomach pains, wanted to throw up, and lost my sense of self completely. I was a baby again reliving all my repressed childhood memories.

I think the change was part of my circumstance. I have reached the lowest point in my life and somehow that made me realize that the things that happened to me are not completely my fault. I think hitting rock bottom made me realize a lot…

I think it was 100% caused by my circumstances. When an animal is cornered, all it can do is fight for survival, so in a way, I think I was telling myself “Fight and survive”.

And that’s what I started working on, fighting and surviving.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I really wish I could share tips on how someone else can benefit from this to overcome this kind of struggle, I really do! But it’s a path that I recently started walking myself.

What have I realized in these few days?

• You are an individual and as such you are entitled to be who you are, if people can’t accept you for who you are then you don’t need those people in your life.
• Show yourself small acts of self-love, drink your favorite coffee, eat your favorite treat, listen to your favorite song, go to your favorite place, and tell yourself “This is from me to me cause I love me”
• You are a miracle, but so is everyone else
• Don’t do good expecting a material payoff, and don’t do good to boast about it on social media. Do good as an act of love and stay quiet about it, feel your blessing in your heart, and move on.
• Look at the small blessings in your life, that’s how life thanks you for being good!
• Emotions are part of life. You can’t live life wrestling them cause you will never win. You gotta learn to accept that they are there and you just gotta live through them.
• Weed and alcohol are the worst solutions to seek to fill up your emptiness, try to look for more positive outlets like writing, drawing, and playing music.
• You do not need anybody to approve of anything in your life, your decisions can lead to failure and that is OK. You gotta learn to be hurt before you can appreciate anything.
• Suicide is not the answer. Believe me, I tried.
• It takes time for a tree to grow, but you have to put in work for it to grow. It’s the same with yourself, it’s not an overnight change. It’s a tough road full of failures and trying and understanding. There will be days when lightning strikes you, some days a pest will come and gnaw at your leaves, and some kid will carve its initials on you with a sharp knife and that is part of it, keep growing and nurturing yourself.
• Eat, your body deserves it.
• Shower, your body also deserves it.
• Let your emotions happen. For me, personally, emotions are like little children that need attention. I’m a parent so that’s how I picture it. If a kid comes up to you and tugs at your shirt you do not ignore it, right? Cause if you do you can hurt the kid and they throw a temper tantrum. It’s the same with your emotions: let them come and tug at your shirt and ask them: What’s going on? They may have scraped their knee and need a hug and a kiss. 
• Do not send your inner kids to their room when they misbehave, they’ll come out angrier and more resentful, listen and help. For example, I used to hate people and I would just walk around giving everyone dirty looks and couldn’t stand leaving my room or my house because ew… people. I talked to my hatred and it opened up to my anger. I found that, since I’ve been bullied and hurt by people all my life, my anger was trying to protect me from being hurt ever again. I thanked the emotion and hugged it and told it that it was OK to be protective and it’s OK to be careful with people but not every apple is a bad apple! Now I’m a bit more open and more smiling and more accepting of others.
• We are all on our own river. Sometimes other boats approach for a while but then a current comes and takes them away and that’s OK. They showed up, did their part, good or bad, and left
• You are in control of how you feel. If a person is angry at you, it’s not your problem, it’s their problem. You can’t control their anger but can control how much you let it affect you. Take the anger and filter it into something positive if you can.
• Let people be, you make mistakes too!
• Everybody is responsible for filling their own backpacks with what they want, if you fill it with flowers it’ll be beautiful and fragrant. If you fill it with rocks, it’ll be heavy and painful.
• You are free but there are consequences! Life gives you what you give it!
• Love comes from the inside out, not the other way around
• Even if you are crying in a Ferrari, you’re still crying

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I shared my struggles with “friends” but they just said “Hang in there” and “Oh yeah just be strong” so I ended up bottling up everything inside.

I am from Mexico, so there is a huge sense of “men don’t cry” here, and a lot of toxic masculinity. I honestly despise this. A man can cry, a man can feel, a man can tell another man “I love you”. That doesn’t mean you’re gonna end up kissing. Due to my past trauma, I’ve grown quite comfortable with my sexuality and I stopped caring about showing my emotions to the world. It’s OK to feel guys!

My parents don’t believe in mental health issues (I was told I’m not depressed, just lazy, cause for my parents I’ve always been lazy).

I have had to battle my demons on my own all my life and it’s very damn tiring since nobody understands and you’re just “that weirdo”. But this has made me a fighter and has made me strong.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You matter, nothing that you’re going through is your fault and it can get better but first, it may get worse (sorry).

You are a miracle of life! You are not as alone, since you’ve got yourself. That is the only sure company you’ll have for the rest of your life so please try and make friends with yourself. It’s a long road, this life, might as well make it a little more pleasant with your passenger, huh?

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz – This book helped me realize that I was living the “dream of the world” and how to cope better with other people.
• The Monk That Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma – This book helped me realize that life is not about things, but about how you live it.
• The Mastery of Love by Miguel Ruiz – A very good book about learning how to love yourself.
• No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz – A good guide that has taught me to see my feelings not as other parts but as little children who need attention, taught me to play with the children and listen to them when they’re upset and angry. Help and love them when they are hurt.
• Music helped me to cover up the horrible reality I was in. It got me through relentless bullying in school, and at home, it got me through break ups, and it got me through the darkness, it has always been my little ray of light and bubble in which I can get lost.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

My username on all my social media is: elgat0verde

I’ve also started a blog where I talk about my experiences, it’s called The Barren Earth Diaries.

I am quite active on Instagram (I post all my favorite albums there), Reddit, and Youtube (I will be uploading music there, maybe some mental health stuff in English).

I also write music about living with BPD and depression. Here is my music on Youtube Music, Spotify, and Bandcamp as well.

Thank you for the support!!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Hitting Rock Bottom Started My Journey of Healing From BPD and Addiction appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m Sonia. I am a former orthodontist. I built and sold a successful multi-location practice in 2016 and I got sober in 2017. I live in rural Pennsylvania after living in Philadelphia and NYC for the past 15 years. I have 2 adorable tiny elderly dogs. I am an avid fine art photographer, writer, and I love spending time with my 3 nieces.

I consider myself to be resilient in terms of happiness. I have moments of sadness but always bounce back and can experience joy.

There was a time when I thought the hardest thing I would ever have to do was get through my childhood, then I thought it was getting sober, and now it is going through a divorce.

And I know that there will be more challenges in my life that may be even harder, but I know I’ll get through them and experience joy again. I’ve learned something amazing from each of these experiences.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I had a misspent youth and early adulthood in terms of substance abuse. I consider myself a former addict. I was self-medicating the extreme anxiety and depression that I started experiencing at an early age. As a result, I was drinking by the time I was 15 years old.

It progressed from binge drinking to daily drinking when I started my first business.

I worked so much that my mental health and drinking spiraled out of control. I had no other coping mechanisms for stress. I have never developed healthy habits and didn’t think I had time to start because the business was experiencing explosive growth. I just wasn’t willing to stop and deal with it. Big mistake. 

I’ve been sober for almost 6 years and some days it feels easy and normal. But it takes practicing daily healthy habits – eating properly, exercising, keeping in touch with my family regularly, journaling, and taking time to unwind. When I skip some of these steps I start to feel shaky in both my sobriety and my mental health struggles.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Well, for me, the downsides of self-medicating were pretty obvious – I had developed an addiction to alcohol, and I was deteriorating physically and emotionally. I had no coping mechanisms for stress and thought I had no time to develop them. I had let go of any semblance of a healthy lifestyle.

I also had no personal interests and was constantly disappointing myself. I was a classic high-functioning alcoholic which allows you to mask your problems from the people around you and creates distance in your relationships.

I was the life of the party, the wild one who was always up for anything borderline illegal or immoral.

Turns out that’s not me at all. They never saw the hangovers that lasted for days, the sprained ankle when I tripped in heels, they only saw what I wanted them to see – a professional, successful woman who knew how to have a good time.

Inside I was struggling with so many demons. From my self-own esteem, major imposter syndrome, severe anxiety, and questioning why I didn’t want to have a baby.

Still, I was able to ignore these things. I made sure no one knew any of my issues.

Now, I’m an open book – whether someone wants to hear it or not. I’ll talk about my childhood trauma at a cocktail party, about my husband’s infidelity, about trips to exotic places that I can’t really remember because of my spiraling addiction. Maybe I’m an oversharer now but the secrets had fractured me into different people and the truth keeps me whole.

Overall, I was becoming someone I didn’t like. I can’t even picture who I would be if I had kept going down that road. I’m so glad I veered off that path when I did.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Sort of unexpectedly, I was speaking with a head hunter looking for some executive-level help for my business, and he asked ‘would you ever consider selling’ and said he knew of a group looking for exactly what I had built – I had been so focussed that I hadn’t even realized what I had built, so I got an offer to sell my business and I couldn’t turn it down. 

It was a long due diligence period. But I knew that I was staring down the barrel of a gun and that with my days less busy I would start drinking more. Without something to keep me busy, I would probably start doing more drugs.

Also, I knew I was about to lose my identity as a hard-core professional, business person, and boss. So I quit. I had to now find a way to treat my anxiety and depression and was finally in a place to seek professional help and medication. 

If this situational change hadn’t taken place, I don’t know if I would have ever quit. If I had stayed in that high-pressure environment I would have kept making excuses for my behavior. Even though I knew I had a problem I definitely wouldn’t have quit drinking for at least another 5 years. So I would say that my improvement was 99% environmental.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Without knowing, I had been working on a list of things I wanted to do when I ‘had more time’.

That actually turned out to be my pathway to recovery. I went to school for photography, coding, I took writing classes, jewelry-making classes, I started exercising, eating healthy, taking baths, meditating, and journaling.

These steps all helped me overcome my struggle. I call it – doing all the things.

These all gave me such a strong sense of self and pride, both feelings I had been missing for as long as I can remember. I think immersing yourself in things you love is a great healer and exponentially increases happiness.

Also, I wanted to focus on other things that spoke to my values and I was passionate about. That strengthened my sobriety and mental health. And I wanted to give back and be of service.

I wanted to make a social impact. I started volunteering with different non-profit organizations and giving my time to help people prepare their resumes and get ready for job interviews. I was able to use my experience as a business owner to give advice and feedback. Spending time with people that were also struggling was life-changing. I no longer had to wear a mask of perfection. I could let my guard down and name my illness. 

I would say for several years, my hobbies and connecting with others were my greatest healers.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I was involved in volunteering with the incarcerated and formerly incarcerated providing entrepreneurship training through a nonprofit program.

I was sharing my story with them and it was freeing for me after so many years of hiding. I had never shared the story of my addiction. In fact, I never even called it an addiction. In prison, I was able to talk about my childhood trauma that contributed to my addiction, and the feelings I was trying to numb.

I learned about how much we truly had in common. We had all been through some serious stuff. I was able to show them that I was literally one bad decision or one bad night from being where they were. And that there was hope in recovery and that I had turned my life around as well.

The conversations that followed were profound and all I want is to give them some hope that there is life after addiction.

My then-husband was extremely difficult to talk to about my struggle. To a certain extent, I think he was embarrassed that his wife was an addict and suffered from mental illness. He was not someone who dealt with weakness in himself or in others and considered addiction a weakness. To him, the solution was not to talk about it, it was to stop doing it. 

Now I really enjoy sharing my story and I want to know other people’s stories of redemption and discovery. I love hearing stories of how people radically transformed their life after addiction.

People in recovery have an innate understanding of each other. We all used substances to prevent ourselves from feeling. Some are numbing loss, illness, traumatic memories, anger, disappointment, or failure. But all of us have experienced pain that we only knew how to get through by using. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Don’t wait to get help. There are treatment options for addiction, anxiety, and depression. 

I now understand that what I was doing was self-medicating and that it prevented me from developing healthy habits. A healthy lifestyle is as much for the mind as it is for the body.

Eating properly, sleeping enough, and exercising are ways to keep me in balance. Self-medicating is not a healthy option and when drugs and alcohol are used in this way, it results in addiction and worsening of mental illness.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
• The podcast ‘From Idea to Startup’ by Brian Scordato

Where can we go to learn more about you?

After getting sober, I became a recovery coach and have dedicated my life to making a difference with social impact investing and volunteering with the incarcerated, formerly incarcerated, and victims of sex trafficking.

Now, I hope to create my biggest impact by leveraging the power of peer support to create a community for those on their recovery journey with my new venture EverBlume.

You can find more information regarding my writing on my Medium blog, or you can follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Transformed From a High-Functioning Alcoholic to Helping Others Thrive appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I’m De’Vannon Hubert and I’m from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I am recently single after a 4.5-year relationship. I have two Maine Coon mix cats – The lovely Ms. Felicity Cleopatra & the amazing Mr. Felix D’ Kat

Discovering my sexuality while growing up as a Christian in the South wasn’t easy, but I didn’t get into any real trouble until my own church told me I wasn’t welcome in God’s house, in my twenties. Dejected, I spiraled into drug addiction and crime, and my drug of choice was crystal meth.

Today, my life is a very different story and much has changed. I’m not homeless, I don’t think my life is ending any time soon, and I have an evolving perspective of what it means to live a balanced and spiritual life. I feel called to tell my story and connect with others to help them find a greater understanding of themselves and a path to spirituality as well.

I am exuberant with joy! After having survived and been delivered from a litany of dangers that would have consumed most people, what on Earth do I have to be sad about?

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, and drug addiction. For my depression and anxiety, I believe this started growing up in a very chaotic household with a physically and verbally abusive dad.

After high school, I went to the Air Force and thus went on to endure even more verbal and mental abuse. I also grew up in the Pentecostal church and that was mentally abusive as well.

The pinnacle of this type of trauma came crashing down on me when I was fired from volunteering and kicked out of Lakewood Church in Houston, TX for not being straight.

My drug addiction really kicked into overdrive after I was fired from Lakewood. I was around 25-27 years old when this happened and up until this time I had refused every drug anyone had ever offered me. I allowed Lakewood’s decision to cause a rift between me and God and thus I threw all caution to the wind.

Everything I used to say no to I started saying yes to without question. Looking back I can see how I was using drugs to numb the pain of being rejected by Lakewood Church. 

These are thoughts and feelings I deal with on a daily basis still to this day. I try to keep a positive outlook but I also keep an array of mental health practitioners at my disposal as well.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I remember waking up on Sunday mornings and feeling a strong void within myself as I was no longer attending church anywhere after I got kicked out of Lakewood.

I had been a regular church attendee all my life up until this point so this was a major change. I was not happy and did not know how to become happy again. The drugs made me feel better than the sadness did and so I leaned into that. This new reckless path I was on led me to contract HIV and Hepatitis B, which caused me to become completely undone.

I found out I was Hep B positive in a letter from the Blood Bank rejecting my donation. I found out I was HIV positive on New Year’s Eve 2011 by listening to a voicemail a doctor left me. 

I attempted to replace the community I had lost within the church by fully embracing the criminal underworld. There, I found a new family and became a drug dealer. I felt a great sense of validation by once again being needed by people even though looking back I can see how this was all an illusion.

Being a drug dealer and thinking I would be dead in a matter of months from my infectious diseases caused me to become really sloppy. This led to a S.W.A.T. raid on my apartment which led to me becoming homeless.

Everyone around me thought it was only the drugs that impacted me. No one knew of the internal mental and emotional issues I was experiencing and no one knew about the infectious diseases either. To everyone, I was just another gay who couldn’t handle his dope.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The last time I was in jail in Harris County, Houston, TX, I was sent to a doctor who explained the infectious diseases to me in a way I was willing to accept.

Once I realized I wasn’t actually going to die I began to understand it was time to start trying to rebuild my life. 90% of this was the doctor believing in me and 10% of this was my willingness to believe.

I was honestly carried by other people and humanitarian organizations during the years it took me to fully come back to life. This is why I wish people would have a lot more patience with people in unfortunate circumstances because it takes quite a lot of resources just to successfully rehabilitate one person.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Being a military veteran, I was able to enroll in what is known as Compensated Work Therapy Program. This program allowed me to get hired at a Department of Veterans Affairs medical clinic as a janitor making minimum wage. Being a veteran also allowed me to benefit from a special allocation of Section 8 housing, set aside specifically for veterans which allowed me to move out of my parent’s house and into my own apartment again.

This settled the issues of homelessness and my lack of income.

In order to get the HIV and Hepatitis B under control, I was placed with a very good Physician Assistant at the VA in the Infectious Disease Clinic. She got me set on a routine for both medication and regular checkups, which eventually led to both viruses getting lowered to the undetectable range. 

As for the mental health challenges, well, those are still ongoing and I continue to see a variety of therapists. I have a hypnotherapist and an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker).

With each of them, I work on specific things at a time. So for a while, I might focus on mental clarity and combating negative voices in my head. And then for another while, I might focus on self-control, etc.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I have shared all my struggles with as many people that will listen. I do this via my podcast, books, blog, and other works.

Once I began to settle and heal, I quickly realized that my life was spared so that I can share everything I had been through in order to help other people. So I have no fear at all.

The only person I could not talk to about my struggles was one of my siblings. They seem to hold everything I went through against me and somehow they have interpreted my homeless, drug addiction, losing everything, getting sick, going to jail, and so on, as in their words “a sense of entitlement” and they feel like they were hurt directly by what I went through.

This particular sibling would not stop insulting and berating me in order to have an adult conversation so therefore there was no conversation. This is an odd stance for someone to take when examining my history but I have seen it come up a handful of times in Amazon reviews of my memoir. There have been one or two reviewers who agree with my sibling that I have a sense of entitlement and want pity for what I went through.

Most people get the benefit of being transparent in order to help others but it seems there will always be those who seem to lack empathy and just don’t get it. Oh well.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I would say, whatever you do, don’t cut off yourself from your spiritual source. Keep some type of mental health therapy going at all times. Don’t make decisions when newly traumatized and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Find Your Fuck Yeah by Alexis Rockley: This book helped me find my voice and my strength again.

Cry Until You Laugh by Kim Sorrelle: This book showed me how someone with far worse struggles than me could keep a positive attitude and still move forward.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

My website, Sex, Drugs & Jesus, houses all my written works (blog, books, free courses, etc.) plus it houses my podcast. The subject matter of the aforementioned revolves around me using my troubled past, through intense transparency, to help other people. Topics covered include spirituality, sex, jail, drug addiction, and any topic that makes people uncomfortable.

You can also find me here on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, YouTube, and LinkedIn.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Overcame Hate, Homelessness, and Addiction appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Mary Beth O’Connor and I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. I am 29 years sober from a methamphetamine addiction that began when I was 16 and lasted until 32. I also am in recovery from trauma-created PTSD and severe anxiety.

Six years into my recovery, I attended Berkeley Law school and at twenty years sober was appointed a federal administrative law judge. 

I do consider myself happy at this point. I am in a supportive and loving marriage and have strong relationships with friends and family. I am retired and find my current activities to be rewarding and an opportunity for me to be of service to the recovery community.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I grew up with a mother who wasn’t bonded to me and, for many years, lived with a stepfather who was verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive.

As a result, with my first exposure to alcohol, drug use appealed to me as a pain-reduction and happiness-increasing activity. I started drinking at age 12, then moved on to pot, pills, and acid.

At 16, I found my drug of choice, methamphetamine, which I began shooting up at 17. I had a few years of somewhat reduced drug use for the first years of college, then slid back due to a multi-assailant rape and abusive boyfriend. I lived in increasing misery until I was 32. I also struggled with PTSD and severe anxiety but didn’t realize this until in therapy after I got sober.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

After the initial period of joy and stress/pain relief, using drugs became compulsive and obsessive, despite the increasingly negative consequences.

As I destroyed myself professionally, and my physical and emotional health deteriorated, I felt miserable and hopeless. I saw no way out of this horrible existence. 

I felt like I had no choice because, other than continuing to shoot meth, the only other options I saw were suicide or being institutionalized for a mental breakdown. I didn’t believe it was possible for me to stop drugs or to experience any happiness.

Although I tried to hide my deterioration, my partner, many friends, and my employers could see that something was amiss, although they didn’t know it was meth. Occasionally people tried to talk to me about it, but I brushed them off and avoided the conversations. Even doctors rarely raised the subject, and when they did, I similarly wiggled out of any serious discussion.

When I finally told a doctor how bad it was, he didn’t understand addiction and claimed I’d naturally stop if I took antidepressants, which I tried but of course, this failed.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

At 32 years old, I had been using drugs for twenty years. I was having physical problems as a result of my lengthy methamphetamine use disorder and was exhausted beyond measure. I was hopeless and unable to function.

My partner was about to kick me out, so I went into rehab for my substance use disorder. The program wasn’t a good fit, though, as they insisted that the 12-step approach of Alcoholics Anonymous was the only way to attain sobriety.

I couldn’t agree with several of their foundational principles, such as turning my will and my life over to a higher power. But I took charge of my recovery and filtered everything they taught in classes and all the 12-step ideology through the filter of “will this work for me?”

I used those ideas I thought would contribute to my success and rejected all the others. I also actively sought out alternative programs and found several. I took the same approach with these new options, considering all the concepts and applying those I found useful. 

This built up my confidence and competence, which helped me tackle all areas of my life. I used this approach in my therapy and other work on my PTSD and anxiety, for my professional development and in my relationships.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Write up a list of goals and then select 3 to 5 high-priority items. Research and consider a wide range of ideas that might help you overcome your struggles. Then analyze which will be useful to you at this point in time. Re-evaluate your plan every few months, noticing your successes and where you didn’t accomplish what you’d hoped. Update your list of priorities, goals, and plans, and do this regularly going forward. 

Remember that most improvement is incremental. If you try to leap over the necessary steps, you might well fail or not gain all the benefits from a more systematic approach.

What is my next goal? What do I need to do to help me reach that goal? Then do it. Your motivation and your efforts are the most important factors in determining the outcome, although you often don’t have total control. 

Try to find hope that you will succeed, perhaps by finding or reading about others who have done so. Doing the hard work is easier if you believe that you can achieve your goals and overcome your challenges. Doing the work is difficult at times, but giving up and living with your struggle or in your current situation forever is harder.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

In my early recovery, I was selective about why I told. Over time, I shared with more people and in more depth.

I didn’t share my recovery from substances, my trauma, or my mental health history with anyone at work for over 20 years. I didn’t feel this was the business of my employer and didn’t want to have word get around the office if I told someone. I also was concerned about the stigma and uninformed judgment that might follow.

Once I retired, in 2020, I became fully open about my story. I announced in an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal that I was a former intravenous meth addict and a former judge.

I wrote my story in great detail in my memoir From Junkie to Judge: One Woman’s Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction. I speak regularly and openly on TV, radio, and podcasts, and at conferences and recovery houses. I talk about my addiction, my trauma history, and my recovery. I also educate these audiences about drugs, addiction, trauma, and recovery.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

When you’re in misery and pain, it can be difficult to see a way out. The only solution is to try. And, even with your best efforts, to accept that your recovery, from whatever struggle, will not be perfect or as fast as you wish.

If you can accept incremental improvement and see that your life is on an upward trajectory, this will make the process easier and more rewarding.

In addition, for most of us, seeking help from professionals, peers, family, or friends can be useful. This doesn’t mean they decide what plan will work for you, but rather that they might have good ideas to consider and that they can offer emotional support during the tough days.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I found Gabor Mate’s In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts and Bessel Van Der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score to be particularly useful in understanding my trauma and the connection to my addiction.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Currently, I am the author of the memoir From Junkie to Judge: One Woman’s Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction. I’ve also had essays published in The Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles, Times, Recovery Today, and others. I speak about many topics related to addiction and recovery, including peer support options. I’m on the board for LifeRing Secular Recovery and She Recovers Foundation.

You can find more about me on my website, LinkedIn, or my Twitter.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post I Overcame My Meth Addiction and Became a Federal Judge appeared first on Tracking Happiness.