Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Chaz Stevens, a 59-year-old South Floridian who thrives on wearing many hats. From scaling corporate ladders to launching ESADoggy, a tech company offering remote animal-assisted mental healthcare, my life has been a vibrant tapestry woven with threads of activism, art, technology, and pain. 

My professional work has taught me amazing personal life lessons – it’s where I learned the power of truly listening, not just with my ears, but with my heart.

Holding back and letting others fill the silence became a tool for building trust and understanding, and most importantly, it awakened a deep well of empathy that I didn’t know I possessed.

These lessons have become cornerstones of my relationships, both inside and outside of work, and I’m forever grateful for the unexpected wisdom my career has bestowed.

Outside the office, my passion for social justice and freedom of speech burns bright, earning me labels like “enigma” and “rebel” – badges I wear with pride. My work in this arena has graced headlines across the globe, fueled by an obsessive personality, further accentuated by my being on the autistic spectrum.

Growing up on a farm instilled in me a deep love for animals, evident in the three rescues who share my home along with my partner, my bedrock of emotional support.

Am I happy? On the surface, absolutely. You’ll find me radiating happiness, joy, and conviviality. But beneath the surface, the constant churn of life’s pressures can bring its fair share of struggles.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Even though I built a mental health company, it took me years to finally see the need for a clinician I’d preach about from the rooftops. Just didn’t realize the personal benefit. Running into that same brick wall of self-doubt, one faceplant at a time, finally convinced me to seek outside professional wisdom. And boy, was it the best decision I ever made.

Therapy has unearthed the buried treasure of self-understanding. Turns out, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the autism spectrum were just part of my story.

Painfully shy, armed with an IQ exceeding my shoe size, and tripping over social cues like a newborn giraffe, school wasn’t exactly a cakewalk. Having never fit in, I began to drink at age 9, eventually developing full-on alcoholism that took me deep into later life to conquer.

Raised by a Vulcan with a PhD in stoicism, empathy wasn’t part of the curriculum. Instead, I honed my wit until it could deliver one-liners sharper than a samurai sword. And with a parent whose mental gymnastics could win Olympic gold, well, let’s just say my life was…colorful.

This cocktail of quirks, and the many cocktails in my belly, taught me to bury my needs under layers of self-reliance, swallow emotions like box wine, and become the hero in everyone else’s story while my own script remained blank.

But I’m finally cracking the code. I’m learning to untangle the knots, face the monsters in the shadows, and maybe, just maybe, rewrite my ending.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

If there’s one thing I could impart, it’s this: the insidious part of toxic relationships is how they make the absurd feel commonplace. I remember Mom guilt-tripping me to avoid a two-day road trip to see a dying friend – as I’m told she’s also dying. I went, tears drying on my cheeks, somehow finding the courage to finally stand up for myself.

Dealing with Mom’s narcissism meant I was always pouring, never refilling. It wasn’t just about material things or time; it was my emotional energy, constantly siphoned to fuel the fire of her needs. This pattern, sadly, spilled over into my adult relationships. I found myself drawn to, and even attracting, people who craved validation at my expense.

Along with false idols, beware of false friends, business partners, and lovers.

“When Mom’s unhappy, everyone’s unhappy,” my internal mantra whispered, echoing the warped reality of my childhood.

But here’s the kicker: “everyone” turned out to be a select few. My own happiness, the very oxygen I needed to thrive, became an afterthought, easily tucked away under layers of self-sacrifice, whiskey, and doubt.

Unraveling this tangled mess hasn’t been easy, but with therapy and a personality turbo-charged by OCD, I’m learning to listen to my inner voice, the one that whispers, “It’s okay to prioritize your own needs.” It’s a slow climb, and I hope there’s enough time remaining on the clock to get the job done.

2019 simmered like a noxious stew – stale silence punctuated by Dad’s confused shouts, and the omnipresent tang of antiseptic. Moving back to care for my ailing parents (cancer and Alzheimer’s), what was meant to be a six-month sprint turned into a marathon in slow motion, courtesy of COVID’s unwelcome intrusion.

Four years of unrelenting care wore me down like sandpaper on driftwood. Mom’s falling and dying at my feet left a hollow crater in my chest, not the expected sob storm, but a numbness that refused to thaw.

Dad’s descent into dementia felt like watching a ship vanish into a thick fog, piece by piece. Dementia is a ghastly disease, whiting out a soul in the most dehumanizing of ways. Each memory lost, each confused accusation like a shard in my heart.

“Yesterday,” they say, “was the best last day for one suffering from dementia.”

With GAD already gnawing at the edges of my sanity, these past years felt like a high-wire act over an abyss. Sleep became a stranger, my chest a drum solo of racing anxiety.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

For a decade, my sisters lifted not a finger in help or support, leaving me to fend for and tend to the mess.

October stole Mom with a bang – an actual bang as her head hit the tile floor. Her passing didn’t bring tears, but a relief. Dad’s dementia had already cast a long shadow, yet his January departure, three months later, felt like a cold, starless night.

In May, I found myself in the sterile embrace of the ER, my heart battered by anxiety’s relentless storm. ObamaCare, bless its bureaucratic soul, was the lifeline that pulled me back from the brink.

A constellation of medication, and heart surgery, along with the unconditional love of my rescues and the unwavering support of a true friend, became my scaffolding back to life. Each day, I chipped away at the debris, taking tentative steps out of the rubble.

No more dodging airborne diapers, no more tiptoeing around emotional landmines. With Mom and Dad gone, space bloomed for my own needs, a concept that had felt unthinkable before.

Dad’s voice, faint but insistent, whispered his mantra through the fog: “This too shall pass.” It wasn’t just a platitude; it was a life raft. One shaky step at a time, I clung to it, navigating the choppy waters of grief and healing. Today, the sun finally peeks through again on occasion.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Overcoming the emotional turmoil and physical toll of caregiving for my parents, coupled with my own anxiety struggles, wasn’t an overnight feat. It’s been a gradual climb, a journey paved with small steps, hard-won lessons, and all-too-often setbacks.

For years, I didn’t realize wearing a “Perfectionist/No Complainer” cape meant shouldering responsibilities and emotions alone. That nearly killed me. The turning point came when I admitted my limitations, accepted my vulnerability, and reached out for help. Lean on your support system, be it family, friends, or professional therapists. 

My therapist, an amazing fellow, helped me untangle the knot of grief, anxiety, and self-neglect, offering a safe space to process the emotional upheaval. Remember, seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous act of self-care.

There was a time, not so long ago, when the thought of admitting I needed help choked me like dust in a dry throat. The unrelenting need to find personal fault, a stubborn weed, had rooted itself deep.

But in the face of my therapist’s unwavering support, and remembering Dad’s whispered “This too shall pass,” I finally pulled it up, root and all. Reaching out felt like stepping into sunlight, blinking away years of self-inflicted shadows.

My PsyD, bless his insightful soul, didn’t just hand me a toolbox; he showed me how to use it. Mindfulness, that fancy word for “pay attention to your now,” became my shield against anxiety. It was in those quiet moments, eyes closed, breath steady, that I began to accept the kaleidoscope within me.

Why was I so different? Why did social cues dance like fireflies while others waltzed through them? Layer by layer, I uncovered the reasons, the hidden melodies beneath the noise.

Turns out, my hyper-empathy, the very trait that nearly drowned me in caregiving was also my superpower. It allowed me to connect with animals and people on a level most couldn’t fathom, and now, it fuels my work at ESADoggy.

Being neuro-divergent isn’t a bug; it’s a feature, albeit one that comes with its own quirks. Like that time I wore mismatched socks to a conference, convinced they were twins separated at birth. Yeah, that’s my brain on parade.

But here’s the thing: these “quirks” also fuel my creativity, my art, my humor, and my fierce determination. Accepting them wasn’t just surrender; it was a victory dance, a celebration of all I am, weird socks and all.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “Be you, since everyone else is already taken.”

Love yourself.

Putting myself on the back burner for years had depleted my emotional and physical reserves. Healing required a shift in focus. I started small: nourishing my body with healthy meals, carving out time for quiet walks around the neighborhood, and practicing mindfulness exercises.

These steps, seemingly insignificant, were the foundation stones of my recovery. They reminded me that I wasn’t just a caregiver; I was also a human being deserving of love and care.

I was never taught nor shown the need to love myself; just breaks my heart to look back at the acid I was encouraged to throw on my soul.

Rediscover your passion.

The past decade had shrouded my passions in dust. I’ve begun to brush them off, rediscovering the joy of writing, the comfort of Coltrane, and the thrill of red paint. Immersing myself in activities I loved reignited a spark within me, reminding me of who I was beyond the burdens I carried. Whether it’s painting, dancing, or playing an instrument, find what ignites your soul and fan the flames of your own inner light.

Learn to say no.

People-pleasing had been my default setting, leading to resentment and exhaustion. Setting boundaries, even with loved ones, became crucial. Learning to say “no” without guilt, and to prioritize my own well-being, was a game-changer. It wasn’t easy, but it empowered me to reclaim control and create space for healthy relationships, including the one with myself.

If you don’t set boundaries, you should learn how … they were so confusing to me at first, like what? Now, I can’t imagine life without them.

Power of forgiveness

Forgiving myself for any perceived shortcomings as a caregiver, and forgiving others for their roles in the situation, was a heavy weight lifted, and is still a work in progress. Holding onto anger and resentment only poisoned me further. Forgiveness wasn’t about condoning actions; it was about releasing the burden and freeing myself to move forward.

Remember, these are just the stepping stones I used. Your path might look different, and that’s okay. The key is to be kind to yourself, celebrate every small victory, and trust that within you lies the strength to heal and emerge stronger. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed, and remember, you are not alone in this journey.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Opening up about my struggles wasn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Sharing the depths of my emotional turmoil felt like handing out emotional hand grenades, and who to pull the pin on was a delicate choice.

My rock, unsurprisingly, was my incredible partner. She witnessed the unraveling firsthand, the tear-stained mornings and the anxiety-riddled nights. But she never wavered, a sturdy lighthouse guiding me through the storm. Sharing with her wasn’t a confession; it was a shared breath, a whispered vulnerability met with unwavering support.

If you find someone like that, hang on for dear life, as I suspect they are few and far between.

Friends, on the other hand, were a mixed bag. Some, the ones who’d seen glimpses of the emotional maelstrom beneath the surface, became confidantes. We traded stories of grief, anxiety, and the absurdities of life, finding solace in shared vulnerability. Others, however, remained comfortably on the sunny side of my life, the cheerleaders unaware of the hidden battles behind the smile.

As for colleagues, work remained a carefully curated haven. My professional mask stays firmly in place, any cracks meticulously hidden beneath a veneer of productivity and humor. Even though I’m surrounded by a large amazing team of licensed providers, my ethics demand silence.

Openly sharing mental health struggles is a tightrope walk, balancing the need for connection with the fear of judgment. It’s easier to wear a social mask, to project the “everything’s fine” persona – a rather difficult challenge for those on the spectrum, as those very rules seem impenetrable.

However, there’s a power in vulnerability, in letting others see the cracks and crevices in our seemingly perfect facades. It’s a gamble, yes, but sometimes, it’s the gamble that leads to unexpected support, shared experiences, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us.

You are not the only one with problems, and through that, you might find a helping hand.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Find yourself a licensed provider, speak to more than one, and find one that is right for you. They are out there, as I’ve met amazing therapists who are even better human beings (yes, I’ve hired them! Smile) …

They might have your answers, they likely know the right questions to ask, and they’ve heard it all before.

I am alive today, writing these words, because of the care I’ve sought and received.

I hope my story and these insights offer a flicker of hope and guidance to anyone facing similar struggles. May you find your own path to healing, light, and a life filled with joy, love, and self-compassion.

You are worth it and deserve that and much more.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

None. My podcasts are nerdier in nature, however, if you’d like to learn more about astrobiophysics, I’d be happy to have that chat!

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can learn more about ESADoggy or me on Wikipedia!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Therapy and Self-Care Helped Me Navigate Autism, Alcoholism, and Caregiver Stress appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Anything else I should have asked?

Hello! Who are you?

I live in London right now to study neuroscience. I am from another country in Asia and studied physics for a few years there but my mental illness guided me to this career change and I am grateful for that.

I have been estranged from my mother for years, but now I have recovered from the past relationship before the disease. I am single now and became more open to the potential of a relationship recently.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I innately have Autism Spectrum Disorder and had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to sexual assault when I was a freshman at University. After the first traumatic episode, I tried to forget it at all because it was too confusing about why the offender did so and what I should do. I succeeded and could forget it for a year. 

However, a similar episode happened again after a year and PTSD started off. (Yeah, I heard delayed PTSD can be more severe than a normal one.) I was a very docile person who has never resented before PTSD, but it just changed me entirely.

I started to hate all people in the world because I felt betrayed due to no help from passer-bys in the trauma. I got angry whenever I talked with a man and could not control the anger with auditory hallucinations ordering me to fight them. 

I abruptly bursted into anger and insulted my male friends. When they asked me out, my face was distorted with contempt and out of my control. (It is a sort of dissociation, I heard from a psychologist later.) They were embarrassed, but I was embarrassed more. I started to avoid men and the place where I can face many strangers not to get into my uncontrollable anger burst. 

Even when my mother touched my shoulder, I felt it was dirty and got angry for her getting me to remind the trauma. I suffered nightmares about getting raped every night and felt somatized heartache and headache. I also thought the reason why SA happened to me was because I look like a pushover. I started to imitate others to break my SA even if I felt empty indeed. 

However, I did not know it was PTSD at that time. Because I was a Christian without any psychiatric knowledge, I thought I was being punished by God due to a lack of faith like King Saul in the bible because it was the only similar psychotic symptom that I read in the bible. 

Also, I became angry about why God did not protect me. To get forgiveness and healing from God, I attended church more passionately, but the symptoms did not get better, and I got more angry with God. I remember I kept pursuing that strategy for two years after the start of PTSD. 

The Christian friends had no psychiatric knowledge at all because in my country, it was not common to get psychiatric treatment and they thought psychiatric treatment is satanic, so they did not give helpful advice, only scolding me about my bad speech and behavior, suggesting me to forgive the offender as said in bible, which was impossible for me at that time. I noticed an increase in anger whenever I went to church, so I stopped religious activity, then.

When I met a non-christian friend, I heard that she is taking psychiatric medicine due to depression and it improved. It was the first time I got to know about mental illness and I went to a psychiatrist. 

However, the psychiatrist was a man, so I did not talk about SA as I learned that talking about my trauma to a man gets me unpleasant responses through a few trials with my male friends and professors. I got diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. Anyway, the medicine decreased my suicidal ideation, so it was better to live with. I think I kept taking the medicine for two years.

After two years, there was a feminist trend with the #MeToo movement in my country. From the movement, I could hear stories of other survivors of sexual assault PTSD. After searching about it, I got to know it was the PTSD symptoms that I was suffering from since the sexual assault.

However, treatment for PTSD was not that common at that time in my country, so I did not get special therapy for PTSD. I just read and heard their stories over and over, and I started reading a book about PTSD (I will specify this in the book section).

After graduating from university, I wanted to leave the city where I suffered a lot. I thought it would end if I leave this place which is full of triggers. Thus, I went to another city. It was refreshing and I became free of triggers and symptoms for a while.

However, with the appearance of a trigger which was a male colleague’s simple comment, the same as the offender gave me in the trauma, “Shall we go out for some drink?”, it started again…I cried remembering what the offender did to me and how my friends and family did not take care of me in the hardship. I could not suppress tears even at work, so I wept in the toilet. 

Whenever I met men, I could not help but be jealous of them for their superior safety over women. I needed to meet other people who can understand all these weird things. (I will continue this in the turning point section.)

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Before PTSD, I was a bookworm and loved to be alone. Especially I loved every novel. After getting PTSD, I realized that every book include romantic scenes, and I felt somatic pain in my body when I read a conversation between lovers. I could not read any novel anymore.

Even if it does not have the scene, I did not know if it would include it so I could not try it. I had spent my days only reading books before PTSD, so after losing the hobby, I did not know what to do anymore. Also, I became scared of being alone because I had no confidence to handle situations of SA if it occurs again.

Even when I was in my room, I thought some man might penetrate my room, so I became very nervous when I was alone. To avoid being alone, I started to make as many friends as possible. But I could not truly like them. It was weird but I could not trust the people I met after PTSD, but I had no other options, so I met them, suppressing horror and hatred toward them, and before any explosion of emotions, I would block their contact. 

I lost all of my friends I made before PTSD due to a dispute over my talk about it, the average period to keep a friend was about a year. They did not understand my PTSD, and I felt betrayed thinking about poverbs ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. I thought there was no friend indeed among my friends. My personality, hobby, and lifestyle changed, so I felt I did not know who I am anymore. Even my friends and teachers meeting me after PTSD told me that I changed a lot and they liked me before PTSD. I hated hearing that. I myself liked the past either, but there was no option to go back because I was too horrified to keep myself.

I don’t know why but I was always thinking about killing others after PTSD when I was doing nothing. Sometimes, I imagined putting up a fire or a battlefield and shooting others to protect me. Also, I imagined killing the offender recklessly, which cannot come true as I cannot find out the offender due to the removal of his information after the incident. It made me feel triumpant, so I thought it was good for me. Looking back on it now, I think it only strengthened my ‘fight or flight response’, which is core mechanism of PTSD, but worsened my anxiety.

Actually, I talked about the trauma to everyone I met at first. I was always thinking that as an ASD person, I could not care about others being uncomfortable with talking about it. However, there were no friends and family to understand my situation and feelings. As an ASD person, I was gullible when SA happened, so they could not understand why I fell for the offender’s evident lie.

Also, they could not understand why I was holding on to the memory continuously. I felt as if they liked me when I was happy but they abandoned me as I became a burden. I thought it was just the same with the offender who used me for his own merit. It made me despise all of them. 

I thought this intense hatred of ‘people who were intimate before trauma’ was because my trauma is related to a lying person, but I found it is a general symptom of any PTSD. I think it is more related to the defense mechanism of the body. I could not feel any sympathy or trust in people. 

Before PTSD, my mother was the person the closest to me, but when I said about SA experience and PTSD, she did not consoled me. She just wanted me to let it pass and focus on my study. I felt betrayed by her and after getting to know PTSD, I thought if she emotionally supported me, my symptom would not be this serious and long. I thought the PTSD was partly due to her. I started to fight over it. Whenever I could not put up with the anger, I called and sweared her over and over. After the anger goes away in few hours, I regreted and said sorry but when it is triggered, I could not stop doing it again. After a few years of PTSD this quarrel, I broke the relationship with her. I broke up with all my friends due to feeling betrayed. All of these broke my heart. I thought that if it did not happen, I could have lived not knowing they were traitors. I tried many talk therapy, but I could not trust the therapist either and just wanted to end the session.

Also, some of them could not understand my situation at all. Looking back on it, I think after talking about the trauma, the person I talked about it with also became a trigger of PTSD, and it made me uncomfortable to be with them too.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Right after knowing that my illness is PTSD, I started to read a book about PTSD as my past hobby was reading a book. I read many books about PTSD, and some of their anecdotes triggered my trauma, but they let me know I am not alone to suffer these symptoms.

Also, I tried applying the exercises in the workbook, such as setting boundaries for my body and pain exposure. I tried to see romance and erotic movies to get over somatization when seeing skinship. As the book said, I started with a very mild one and go into a full erotic one.

Although it made me keep sober seeing that kind of movie or novel, I still avoid romantic videos and novels if I can. It is unpleasant even after overcoming it. Also, it gave me confidence that I can overcome my hardship by my effort, which I have never experienced even before PTSD.

I tried participating in group counseling with other survivors of sexual assault which I could not try easily because I could not trust strangers easily after the trauma and thought it would break my heart again because even friends and family gave second attack about the trauma. But I felt it was almost mysterious.

I felt as if I am hearing my story from others’ mouths. No friend or family understood my symptoms before then, so it was a very touching moment. I feel like I was a normal human, not a psycho or monster, for the first time after PTSD. It gave me a sense of reality back. Seeing people who are overcoming similar experiences, I could get the confidence to overcome it.

Nevertheless, due to Covid, I could not have a steady meeting with them, I kept contact with them through mobile chatting. I got information that there is a special therapy for PTSD from one of the survivors, so I went to the counselor she recommended me.

I started Pain Exposure therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy with a specialist in PTSD. At first, I was so scared to start talk therapy because I had the memory of failed therapy with a non-specialist in PTSD, but the survivor said it improved her a lot, so I started this. First, PE therapy treated the trauma intensively. Before PE, I thought the trauma became my everything and I cannot help but burst into tears when I say about the episode.

After PE, the trauma became normal memory and I can remember it without getting upset. I think DBT was not that effective for me. I had difficulty getting group counseling with strangers and could not focus on meditation due to intrusive thoughts. After all, the therapy for PTSD redirected me to focus on my goal, not my past and trauma. I could start anew thanks to the therapy.

After getting therapy, I could dream of life after PTSD, but I could not trust anyone yet and had chronic anxiety. I gave up any relationship with others because nobody would entirely understand my PTSD, which was the critical reason of the most of my present traits and decided to live only for my accomplishment without trust toward others to protect me from any harm.

By chance, I found a church that is more accepting of mental illness. I got to know that God was protecting me to let me escape from the offender. It gave me a peaceful mind for the first time after SA. 

Later, I read that spiritual recovery, which means going back to a worldview that I felt safe with before PTSD, is crucial in perfect recovery from PTSD. I could forgive my family and friends who did not console me in my struggle, and I could forgive the offender in the end.

It seems impossible but to protect others from his SA, he should become a better person, so I could pray for him. My fear and hatred toward others disappeared now. I feel I became the person I was before PTSD or better than before.  

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I think there is a sequence of steps to get recovery from PTSD, as many PTSD books explain. We should accept, soothe the trauma, and get back into life, which cannot be done before doing the previous step.

1. Meeting others in your shoes

In my case, it helped me recover a sense of reality hearing my struggle from others’ voices. Also, seeing others overcoming it stopped me from thinking that it is unsurmountable trouble. In addition, other survivors gave me useful tips and information like good counselors for PTSD.

2. Giving up going back to the state before PTSD

PTSD patients get changed to survive panic and trauma in every aspect of their identity. Missing my past self made me more frustrated and suicidal. Happiness does not have one way. Knowing that I could be happy in other forms and personalities either gave me more relief.

3. Starting therapy for PTSD with a counselor specialized in PTSD

If you don’t have money, try exercises in workbooks for PTSD, but I think meeting a counselor specialized in PTSD therapy is crucial for the success of therapy. I could dream of my life after PTSD because it made my trauma normal memory. It is not my core memory or my everything anymore. I could dream of my life after PTSD again.

4. If you had a religion and took it apart after PTSD, restart religious work

I think it made me feel safe as I felt before PTSD. Chronic anxiety and response to triggers disappeared after this. I also could stop hatred toward others which was strategy to protect myself. I avoided Christians due to the scar they gave to me, but going back to church was essential for my full recovery.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I talked about my SA and PTSD to everyone whenever I could when I was struggling badly. However, sharing it with men gave me bad memory that they cannot understand why it is a bad thing at all, so I did not share it with men. I don’t think it gave me useful tips or a heart-warming console when I shared it with people who do not have PTSD or knowledge of PTSD. 

After recovery, I try to avoid mentioning it unless someone is struggling with the same experience because I now know it only makes them embarrassed and uncomfortable. Especially, in the workplace, I don’t want them to evaluate me for my mental illness and be too ashamed to reveal my weakness.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

The fact that the offender deemed you as a toy does not mean you are a toy. When your symptoms are very bad, you are likely to misunderstand others’ intention and be unable to control your emotions, so I think it is good to take a rest from social interaction for a while. 

Don’t indulge in fake victory in your imagination. You didn’t need to win the offender at the incident, but you just need to escape from it. If you succeeded in taking your life from the incident, you did well. Don’t hate yourself for the trauma.

The path to happiness is not a single one. There are many ways to be happy so the impossibility to turn back time before trauma does not mean you can never be happy. You can be happy again. You can trust others again. Don’t lose your hope to survive. Someday, you will be thankful for your past self who did not give up your life.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Body Remembers by Babett Rothchild: It gives an explanation of PTSD from a biological viewpoint. I could understand my body’s response to triggers. Also, I could practice pain exposure exercises from the book, and it helped me overcome my phobia of men.
• Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman: It describes what is PTSD descriptively and gives how recovery can be done gradually. It was a very accurate book, looking back on my ten years of PTSD recovery.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

It’s good to know what I have learned from my mental illnesses.

I think I learned many things from struggling with mental illness. I could be matured with this in a way I could not expect before PTSD. Before PTSD, I dreamed to be a hikikomori just reading books in my room without any social interaction. I was uncomfortable being with others even though I did not hate them (closer to scared to talk with them). Right after the start of PTSD, fear about SA made me courageous in all other things. 

I could talk and make a friend with others without hesitation. Also, I could have experienced overcoming my limitation in my effort to recover from PTSD. It gave me confidence that I can do something beyond my current ability.

In addition, by sharing our struggle with other SA PTSD survivors, I felt a bond and gratitude for others I have never felt before because I haven’t been understood PTSD at all for 7 years, feeling like a monster. I want to help other survivors. I am now dreaming to help other mentally-ill patients and SA PTSD survivors with neuroscience research. Now I don’t want to go back to the time before PTSD.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My 10-Year Journey of Overcoming PTSD and Hatred After Sexual Assault appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello, my name is Thomas and I live in Utah. I have lived here my whole life and until I graduated high school, my dad had main custody over me and my siblings. I currently have the Luxury of working for the Jazz basketball arena. It works well for me.

While I don’t currently have any pets, pets have always been a part of my life and when I am at that point in my life, I plan to get my own pets. I play racquetball as it is great for strengthening my body in good ways. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and it can make simple things really rough on my body at times.

Despite the challenges, both good and bad and God awful, I would say I’m happy today. It’s had its struggles but today, in our current lifestyle, we are happy.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Well, my struggles weren’t always straightforward or easily identified, especially by my adolescent self. But, let’s start with the point in my life where everything wrong started to flair up. I was 17, approaching 18 when my symptoms of both physical and psychological started to show.

The mask that I had lived behind my entire life had been destroyed the day I moved out of my dad’s house which was also the day I graduated high school. From there, me and my best friends moved into my grandpa’s basement where we paid rent.

While living here, I got into the job that was my dream job and one that I still miss. I got into HVAC and I wasn’t even 18 yet. That’s a good time to start a career and everything from the physical application to the thinking and planning that has to go into it, it was exactly what I wanted out of a job.

Plus it has great potential for good pay if you’re a business owner. That crashed and burned when about a month and a half, two months in, the burnout from working 8-12 hour shifts of usually intense labor burned my body out. 

Even making sure to eat to account for it and making sure to watch hydration and doing my best to use good lifting habits when moving equipment, I was just too burned out at the end of the day. I’d get home and shut down all forms of productivity as soon as I sat down.

Even more, the masks of my Autism, Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) had not only been shattered, but the exhaustion aggravated many symptoms of both.

Fast forward about a week after the worst of it had started, I ended up getting fired because in two days, damaged two floors on the same customer’s house in stupid ways as well as looked completely incompetent as the boss of the whole operation. That was the worst mental breakdown I’d had in so many years and I believe possibly one of my worst. It also paved the way for future meltdowns and panic attacks.

From there, I got a job at a place that wasn’t great for my body but was well within my range of abilities at the time. It was brainless and a warehouse job where everything was brainless to do. That is when my brain lit up with noise and when I started having anywhere from 30 seconds to 20 minutes at a time at work where I would just black out and suddenly I was somewhere else in the building and recollection wasn’t there. 

This is when I started to recognize how much was actually going on with me, and even more, I realized that I really struggled with memories of my childhood at times and sometimes I knew literally nothing about my past except for the things that I could see to trigger enough memory to at least help me know how to be where I was, but it still left gaps.

And people were saying I was having the same conversations or rediscovering the same things multiple times. Some of the things, I still haven’t been able to recall today.

I knew there was a lot wrong with me as I was definitely dysfunctional. Depression that I was unaware of hurt my already dysfunctional executive function.

I became insufferable to a lot of people in my life and I removed myself both mentally and eventually, physically.

But it wasn’t to run away, it was to ground myself again and assess everything about myself in a place where I would be free of judgment and expectation for a little while and I had plenty of that from several people. For that, I am thankful. 

I also talked to my mom a lot about my childhood and her past and relationship and we addressed neglect and instability. We discussed how these things had hurt me, and she was able to share other information outside of my view up until that point and I was able to work on building up what I knew. We talked about so many good and bad experiences and then memories we weren’t talking about started to return as well.

All of my symptoms and my experiences recovering my memory revealed OSDD/DID. I haven’t sought a diagnosis since I initially had the problems and therapy betrayed me. At that point, I went down the rabbit hole of DID/OSDD. I found words that didn’t just sound similar to my experiences but that fully resonated and then I went and found support groups and articles and read scientific and psychological studies about all these things.

In a week, I spent about 20-30 hours online in communities or reading articles about it all because there was just so much to learn. Even further, I learned how to put it into words so that anyone can understand what I have experienced.

I addressed both the things that did traumatize me and that left me with deeply seeded negative and hurtful emotions. I addressed what was neglected that didn’t actively traumatize me, but that harmed my development as a social species, behavioral patterns, and even just attachment styles.

None of those things really severely hurt or traumatized me, but it’s clear that it did have a negative impact on my development. It’s what I have personally turned to call silent trauma, which is also what I call my instability because I never felt directly impacted by all the moving and inconsistent parental connections.

But when I look back over it, I see that it was as a result of my OSDD that I never felt bad about these things and just continued to be a strong little trooper.

Despite the bad things, I still like to say I enjoyed my childhood because I can remember the good. And because instead of fighting with each other, we were able to work through the damage that was inflicted by some of my coping methods. 

The autism and OSDD combination was misdiagnosed as BPD and when they tried to treat it as such, it made things worse, resulting in me taking things into my own hands.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

When living with my grandpa and sharing the rent on a room with my best friend, I started to crumble and while my grandpa did his best to support and help despite it not being understood or relatable to him, my friend was grudgy and bossy and eventually, I could not physically speak.

I could not behave in any way that showed him I care at all. I was genuinely trapped in my body watching a disaster go from worse to what I feared would be unfixable. I actually had given up on anything being fixed shortly before it actually did fix itself. 

I was either empty, angry, severely dissociated, or so anxious my limbs were begging to explode and my heart hurt from its beats. I would panic shut down and hide in dark, quiet spaces or stay up late in silence and sleep through the day. The night was the only time I felt happy, sometimes.

When I was happy, I would actually be lost in some happy memories not normally accessible. Hell, I even behaved differently through my own eyes. That nighttime was a part of my healing journey that nobody but me understood, tolerated, and accepted as needed. I was alone here.

Luckily, my protectors, Shadow and Levi, brought our mental health struggles to people that needed to know about them. The pressure they put on me is actually what pushed me to figure my shit out. So for them, I am so grateful, both for the alters and people in my life.

But at my worst, I felt utterly alone and that’s when the life lesson really hit me hard, only you can work on yourself and only you can heal yourself, everyone and everything else that you use to do so is a tool that can help you along the way, but it takes you and your will power.

So I do believe that my worst moments in life have resulted in the greatest life lessons that have actually led me to the happiness I possess today.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The first moment I felt a positive change within myself was when I moved out of my grandpa’s and to my grandma’s (on my other parent’s side.) I started to build a foundation for myself to rebound. That was an uphill change and was the result of the actions of my protector and parental alter, Remi.

She remembers more about that time than any of us because that’s when we were all crying out for help the most. That was also the moment she made her presence in our system known. She was always listening and was our last resort and she did us very well. She still comes out and does her own things at times but she mostly lives to serve as our backup when things are too much. It’s her role and she owns it.

Honestly, as soon as things started going downhill I was determined to resist. Even at their worst, even when I couldn’t express it as a singular soul, I was fighting and trying. I was determined to make progress as fast as humanly possible and I was ready to learn about myself and how to respond to all these issues that were destroying my life. 

My biggest challenge was joining Reddit. 80% of what I know about my EDS, OSDD/DID, ADHD, Autism, and the other bullshit conditions that come with EDS has come from being in communities where there are hundreds of thousands of people with information about all of these things.

I spent months asking questions and reading other people’s questions and then, I started being able to answer questions and just share my experiences from a perspective of ‘I understand this about myself’, and maybe my understanding can help you understand yourself.

I’ve stopped trying to place an expectation of severity or conditions that have to be met cause in all truth, for conditions that are complicated and vary severely from case to case, you can’t hold those things over yourself.

You have to see yourself for your experiences, not what people only think these conditions have to look like. You only have to understand the shape that you take. It’s like telling someone with CPTSD that it’s not valid because they weren’t in the military. This person experiences all the symptoms but it takes a shape that is the polar opposite of war PTSD.

You can only understand your own experiences. It’s probably why I won’t seek a diagnosis because I understand my experiences and can respond to them and can make my own accommodations without needing to get it from people.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I tried therapy and it didn’t work. It made things worse for me. I took things into my own hands. Meditation was one of the biggest help. Whether it was at night to destress myself, or at the middle of the day, or in a shower and I had spare time.

When I first started, sometimes I would switch between alters. Some alter would front for the first time, we’d feel completely disconnected from the body and our eyes would hurt. Sometimes, we’d have to figure out how to move and walk, and one time, we took way too long in the shower because someone was struggling to simply stand up from the floor of the shower for like 20 minutes. 

As far as our OSDD and anger and hatred, meditation addressed those the most.

After meditation, we started listening to the emotions we had. When our emotions surfaced, we’d stop what we were doing and listen and sometimes those emotions were so strong it would bring tears and a paralyzing feeling to us.

But eventually, we had alters coming to the strong emotions and sharing the memories that they had attached to these emotions and oh my god, I had no idea we were so deeply twisted up. We spent a lot of time just sitting and listening to and tidying emotions and working with anyone that needed help working through it.

Now, we can identify our emotions easily, we don’t get attacks of emotion so overwhelming we just have to pause the world. We do have feelings that creep up and we do still have some things to work over, but also some of that is caused by the emotional dysregulation caused by our neurodivergence.

Having a place to talk about it on Reddit was helpful.

So, going around and understanding the broad shape of things helps me figure out what I’m experiencing, even if it’s completely new to me. Understand thy self. That was the next biggest help. Do research, go down those rabbit holes of information, and learn how it can help you.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I told a few people but due to their lack of taking it into consideration, I stopped trying to make them aware of it. Literally, I’ve stopped trying to fit in everywhere and started trying to live how I want, and it’s doing me well.

But just because that’s my lifestyle, I do have to fit in other people’s worlds because mental health and physical health complications make it feel like I almost live in a different world than most people. So I have to adjust to other people’s level at times, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna break myself doing so.

I tell my mom about it though because a lot of my conditions are from her gene pool. EDS, autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, all things that are susceptibilities on her side, and some of that is from generational trauma that is broken more and more each generation. 

So, we have talked a lot about psychology and Ehlers Danlos Syndrom and when we find something useful for one of us, we share it because there’s a good chance it’ll help the other too. We also have casual discussions. We both have OSDD/DID and it’s nice to not see this thing that we both happily live with be talked about like it’s a disorder.

Now that I am able to have happiness and that I’ve put the work into myself, I would not call my plurality a disorder. It’s a way of life and it’s the only way of life I have lived my whole life, even if I didn’t realize it yet.

By analyzing and remembering things, so many memories and experiences have been associated with an alter at this point. We’ve done a little integration and merging and we’ve also done some splitting. This is who we are and we aren’t disordered anymore, just living a way of life we have learned to navigate and still are learning to navigate.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Know thy self. Everything that we ever do to know something about ourselves or the world around us gives us insight as to who we are or even gives us a chance to craft this aspect of ourselves into what we want it to be.

If you live in a place where you feel like you are being traumatized, violated, hated, or unwanted, then you’re either in the wrong space, have a bunch of shit to work on yourself, or a combination of both.

Don’t let yourself be unhappy. And if you have regret, either figure out how to atone for them or figure out how to let yourself move in and heal from the damage that regret and shame can harbor. Always grow, always learn about yourself, and don’t stop fighting against your struggles.

It takes fighting but if you’re just fighting without moving towards a goal, then you’re just a soldier that’s going to burn out eventually and be defeated. You also have to work against your problems and towards your goals. If you have a goal, then you know what that victory will look like. Acknowledge and accept this.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The character Jane from Doom Patrol: A piece of media that I feel accurately represents what DID can look like. The theory is a little outdated but it’s fairly accurate.
• Tertiary structural dissociation:
• Various discussions in r/DID, r/OSDD, and r/Plural on Reddit. There are a lot of helpful resources there.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

There is only one place where I have any kind of mass information available about myself as I really don’t use much social media and that’s Reddit.

If you look for the account u/AppropriateKale8877 and look through my posts and comments, there is plenty of information as well different kinds of advice and even just some stories and experiences. A lot of it is oriented around my journey so far but is not limited to it. I am also of course always available for questions via direct message via Reddit.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Achieving Happiness Despite Autism & OSDD With Self-Understanding and Meditation appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

When you live in a small rural town like I have, the isolation you feel can feel overpowering. In those small towns, every action and word is judged, and when you are constantly judged and belittled, you are filled with doubt, hopelessness, and emptiness. Let’s step back a few steps, I forgot to introduce myself. 

Hi, my name’s Lydia, I’m a young adult who has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety disorder, depression, and C-PTSD.

I know what you’re thinking, wow that’s a lot of damage, and what I can say is simple. When you get your shiny new diagnosis, they don’t tell you about other things like executive dysfunction, imposter syndrome, or that you are prone to other things.

I’ve had to face my dyslexia head-on more and more as an adult. I’m a graphic designer who specializes in ad design, so spelling is kind of important.

In facing my dyslexia I’ve had to come to terms with my self-doubts and insecurities of not being like everyone else. It’s hard to feel happy when it’s your own head calling you a failure.

Since then I’ve been researching ways to help me feel better, and improve in all aspects of life. I know my journey is not complete, but when you’ve been dealing with all of this stuff since you were five, you tend to pick things up.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

For my whole life, I’ve been struggling with Autism and ADHD. Do you know the scene in Bluey where Jack forgets his hat? That was my entire childhood. Forgetting things and being criticized about them, going through the destroy-build-destroy phase, and having zero emotional control.

Later in life, I was diagnosed with dyslexia and C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).

What I deal with is exhausting. Have you ever forgotten where you put your keys, or what you were going to say? That would happen to me at least 5 times in a morning. It’s not a big problem when it’s your keys, but it’s a major problem if it’s a person. 

When I got my diagnosis when I was a child, my doctor at the time told me by adulthood I’d grow out of it. I’m here to tell you that’s a load of BS. I struggle with my symptoms just as much as I did as a child, the only difference is I had more help when I was younger.

There is just more help out there for children with ADHD. Wanna know something else that no one tells you? The coping system you have as a child will not help you. So not only do you have to work twice as hard as your peers, but you get to learn new coping skills…yaaaaeee (I hope you noticed the sarcasm).

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Besides affecting my time management, my organization, and my work-life balance, Autism & ADHD also affected my social life. I was so lonely as a kid because I was different and weird. You have to remember, I had no impulse control and would just say and do whatever I was thinking about.

When you are a kid in school, your peers don’t see someone with a disability, they see a weirdo. What hurts the most is no matter how hard I tried to fit in, it never worked. I had many peers tell me to kill myself in high school (Zack Coble, I’m calling you out), or in middle school everyone would run away from where I was hanging at. 

During those years I had friends, but since I struggle with object permanence, I would forget they exist until I saw or talked to them again. Growing up I felt so isolated from my peers, parents, and teachers. In the first grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Hill, she had no idea how to handle someone with my disability.

Instead of researching and trying to find a way to help, she taped a box on the floor. In front of the whole class, she told me that this was the only place I could be, I was not allowed to get up at all.

Not only did my peers now have another reason to pick on me, my needs were not being met and now she had an even better excuse to ignore me. From that point on I never told another teacher I was struggling, cause if abuse is one teacher’s response, the rest would be worse.

People knew I was struggling with ADHD and still, I was given no help. I finally was given help in college. So yes people knew, they just didn’t care. 

I started masking and trying to hide it in high school, so much so that now as a young adult I have no idea who I am as a person.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

College is when it started to turn around. It’s only just now realized by schools and parents that we need more help than most. And it’s not just that I can’t focus, or I’m not trying hard enough. Trust me, we are trying just as hard, if not harder. My struggle is still impacting me, my boyfriend doesn’t understand what I’m living with. That the same things he likes, my passion for the small stuff, and how excited I get also comes with the bad stuff. 

When you have Autism & ADHD it’s not about curing it or getting rid of it, it’s about learning how to live with it. Just like if you were blind you have other things that will help mitigate your symptoms like using a whiteboard to remember stuff, keeping things that you need on you at all times, doing tasks by timer, finding an organization method that helps you and caters towards your specific needs.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

With Autism and ADHD, it’s not about overcoming it. Trust me, I’ve tried for years.

It’s about learning to live with it. You first have to accept the fact no matter how you try to mask it, it’s going to be there. What helped me in the beginning was being faithful in taking my medicine. When I was younger, I was on a new ADHD med each year until I hit 12. Adderall, Ritalin, Strattera, name brand after brand, I’ve been on them all.

I stopped treatment at 12 because it all felt hopeless, I was either sick, a zombie, or both. I’ve recently been treating my Autism and ADHD with Vyvanse and that has been the only thing to not give me a negative response.

Now, medicine alone is not enough. Lucky for you, I’ve got a bunch of coping skills that can help. I’ve put them in list format to help:

Morning

• Set your alarm across the room and make it very obnoxious. Trust me, it will annoy you enough to overpower it. You also can’t doom scroll in bed if your phone isn’t near you.
• Set your medication by your alarm, coffee pot, or in your car. As long as you’re medication is where you plan to be first thing in the morning. As soon as you wake up you’re going to remember to take them. Some people say to put them by your bed. I actually don’t like that because it makes my executive dysfunction worse.
• Get up earlier than when you need to. I get up a full hour and 30 minutes earlier before I actually head to work to give myself time to settle, time for my medication to kick in, and just for myself to prepare mentally for the day because it takes a lot of energy. 

Night:

• Have a set time you have to be in bed. People who struggle with ADHD and Autism tend to have DSPS (Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome). We just tend to wake up and go to bed later than everyone else. If we listen to our natural signs we are going to go to bed super late and get up super late. My set time to go to bed is 10:30 PM.
• No sugar for an hour and 30 minutes before bed. I know the recommendation is an hour but I just recommend adding the extra 30 minutes.

Every day:

• Always keep your important stuff on you at all times: my phone, keys, headphones, and cups literally never leave my sight.
• The bulkier the item, the easier to find. If you love your slim phone, I’m sorry but you’re going to need to get a clunky case. No, neon cases don’t work. If it’s on a flat surface good luck finding it. If you have a big ass OtterBox on it, it will not blend into the countertop. Same with car keys. The more shite you have on it, the easier it is to see.
• If you lose something, look in the fridge. A good chunk of the time what we are looking for is food. We were hungry when we lost it, there’s a good chance that it’s nearby food.
• If you can’t find it, look in unusual places. I have found my phone on top of the fridge, on the mower, a fence post, under my bed, in my laundry basket, and the weirdest on my grandpa’s old tack room. What is common in all these places? My mind was somewhere else.
• Find a job that is best for you and your disability. If you want to be an engineer and you have ADHD, it may not be the best career for you.  I’m not going to say you can’t because I’m sure there are many people with ADHD that are amazing engineers. It is just going to be exponentially harder. People with ADHD like change. Change makes dopamine go fast.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I’ve only shared my struggle with my family and my therapist. Since I faced bullying and public ridicule, until recently I’ve never felt comfortable sharing it with someone else.

If you’re like me and tend to hold on to all of your problems, I recommend talking to a therapist. They’re very open-minded. It’s a lot easier to talk to someone open-minded whenever you’re learning to talk about it.

When I was younger, here’s what helped: soup breathing. It’s a pretty simple exercise and hell, I use it to this day. I don’t use it to calm myself down, but more to treat my anxiety when it gets a little too scary.

The first step is you inhale. Then you just blow out like you’re trying to cool some soup off. So take a big deep breath. Hold it for like 4 seconds and then blow out through an o-shaped mouth until you’re out of air and keep doing that.

For the longest time, teachers and school counselors would make me uncomfortable talking about my struggles. They would always be quick to pass it off as me not trying hard enough or I’m just being lazy. They never seemed to understand. I was asking them for help. They always thought I just wanted to complain.

I had many teachers tell me that everyone else had it just as hard as I did. They didn’t want to learn what it’s like to be me. I remember going to the school counselors about genuine issues I’m having with teachers because they weren’t respecting my needs and being told that I was simply being overdramatic.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Don’t be afraid of taking medicine. For the longest time, I hated the idea of taking medication. Not only from bad experiences but feeling like I can’t do anything without it. It’s okay to feel like that but don’t let it be the reason you don’t at least try it.

Also, asking for help is okay. I know you don’t want to feel like you’re a burden to those you love, but trust me, your loved ones would rather help you than follow behind your coffin. If you feel like you’re alone and don’t have anyone to talk to, I recommend the Reddit subreddit r/ADHD.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• YouTube channel: How to ADHD
• TikTok channel: Conner DeWolf

Where can we go to learn more about you? (Links to social media, website, etc)

Nothing here!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Autism & ADHD: My Tips On Learning to Live With It Despite People Not Understanding appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi. I am Alison Angold, I live just outside of London in the UK. I work part-time as a teacher, for beauty therapy and teaching children and young adults that cannot be in mainstream education, for various reasons. 

I have been married for almost 20 years, have 2 teenage boys and a cocker spaniel dog, called Winnie!

Despite my struggles with life, I consider myself happy. I consider myself very lucky to have a supportive, and motivating husband, and I love the job that I do. I have times, still, when I feel sad about myself, but they are becoming less and less frequent, as I have slowly learned to accept myself as I am.

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What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have social anxiety, plus a fear of large groups, crowded places, and unknown people and places. While I am a confident person within my work setting, social situations worry me. I find it hard to do ‘small talk’ – in fact, I find this exhausting – and I think that is the problem. I know how to talk to people, and I know what I should be saying and asking, but after a while find it very tiring, and quite simply cannot be bothered!

I believe that I have always had some sort of social anxiety, although it has got worse as I have got older. I recently discovered that I have ASD which definitely helps in understanding why I have this struggle – among others!

Over the years, going out with people I am less familiar with, has become more difficult. My fear of crowded places and claustrophobia added to this and I just started finding everything more difficult.

There was a period of time when I found it very difficult to go out socially for fear of having a panic or anxiety attack. In addition, I always worried what others would think of me if I left earlier, or had obvious panic or anxiety.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

There was a period of time when I felt really worthless with the issues surrounding my social anxiety and panic. I felt miserable if I had to say no to a social event, thinking that I wouldn’t cope well. There is an expectation to love parties, gatherings, and socializing and I couldn’t understand why that couldn’t be me.

There were also times that I would venture out and something would lead to me being panicky and I would go home, again feeling miserable that everyone was still out having a good time. 

My close friends were aware of how I felt and were very understanding, but it was when larger gatherings would occur, that were the hardest. 

I think I really felt the worse of my struggles when my children were in primary school – meeting lots of new mums, there being lots of social gatherings, and various different groups of mums. Very much like in my school days, there was the popular group of mums, who organized everything and always looked like they were having the best times.

Even though I didn’t have the desire to be in the core of that group, I was on the periphery and was jealous that I couldn’t be like them, jealous of my close friends that got invited into the group, and very aware of how different I was, and how hard I found everything.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I tried various therapies over the years but nothing really worked.

What really helped to turn things around, was acceptance that I was different, and slowly learning to not care what other people thought of me. This in itself didn’t ‘cure’ me but it was a revelation to me.

As I have got older, there are still lots of social events going on but I don’t feel the need to be part of everything.

I feel able to pick and choose a lot more of what I attend and where I go. I have accepted that even if I go out for an hour, it is better than sitting at home, feeling upset at myself that I haven’t at least tried to go out. 

Adapting my life to suit my anxiety has also helped; driving myself so that I am in control of when I leave for example. 

If I go out with the thought that I can leave at any time – I don’t care what people think, it makes it much easier to endure, as I haven’t placed any pressure on myself. 

I also believe that most people around me – those that I see on a (semi) regular basis, have now realized that I find things hard, so aren’t surprised when I don’t go, or leave early, etc…

I would say that I have made a 50% improvement in my anxiety struggles, and would say that this is 100% of my own doing; making choices that suit me, and not worrying about what everyone thinks. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Acceptance is an enormous part of dealing with a sort of struggle or anxiety. Fighting against it can be exhausting, frustrating, and upsetting.

Wondering why you are different and why you can’t do or struggle with certain aspects of life, is an uphill battle. We have to accept that we are different. Decide how you are different and deal with that. How are you different from others? What do you struggle with? Are there any adaptations you can make to make things easier – even if it is not considered the norm?

For example, I don’t drink alcohol as that makes my anxiety worse. This also means that I can drive myself and be in control of when I arrive, and when I leave – not having to rely on anyone else. I know that people think that it’s odd that I don’t drink – another thing I have to worry about and explain myself – but if it makes me feel better about everything and allows me to do some things, then I try not to let it worry me. 

What really helped as well, is to let people know how I feel, and what my anxieties are. This means that no one is surprised if I leave a party early or don’t go. I also ensure that I try to see my close friends – those I feel most comfortable with – regularly, in a venue of my choice. This makes me still feel in touch with a social aspect, rather than not going anywhere or seeing anyone. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

My husband and some close friends are aware of how I feel and how I am – at this stage I like people to know so that they have an understanding. I feel more comfortable if people are aware so that nothing seems weird. 

A few years ago I would have felt embarrassed talking about it to people, but with age, this has become easier. I don’t specifically tell people, but I think people that I spend time with more often, have started to realize how I am.

There is no one that I wouldn’t want to talk this about, although I am aware that some find it uncomfortable and don’t understand. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Accept and understand that you deal with things in a different way. Trying to be like everyone else and then failing is even harder on us.

Try to talk to people about your struggles, at least some close friends that you see often, so they can support and understand.

Don’t worry about what other people think of you. Everyone is different and I am certain everyone has something that they worry about themselves. We may worry that people think us weird for leaving a party early and not drinking, but we may think that it’s odd that someone gets blind drunk and stays out till 3 am at the age of 40!

You wouldn’t judge someone for being a bit different or dealing with things in another way, so don’t automatically think that people are judging you.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Admittedly no specific books etc, but what I have found has helped is to have activities to occupy me at home. Having other interests ensures that if I am struggling, I can keep busy, doing things I enjoy and being creative.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

My website doesn’t advertise my struggles, but it is something I created to use my creativity for good – it fills in my time, while I am home – choosing not to go out – and ensures that I always have an activity to occupy me. I’d love you to take a look. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I’m Managing My Social Anxiety by Being Open About It & Accepting Myself appeared first on Tracking Happiness.