Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Julijana, I live in the Balkan region of Europe. I’m 22 years old, and I’m currently employed by a foreign company. It’s a good job, which allowed me to become self-sufficient at 20.

But the night shift sucks. I don’t have a specific job position, but you can compare it to that of a coordinator. I have been in a very happy relationship for 4 years.

I love that we are growing up together and learning about life and how to be adults. It makes you feel less lonely when you can share your journey with someone. I have also adopted a kitty named Sushi.

She was a garbage cat, and now she is fat and fluffy. I’m also a full-time student, so I cannot commit to a lot of hobbies, but I’m working on finding something that makes me happy.

I have a feeling that I am constantly in a state of transition and searching, whether for a better job, hobby, myself, etc.

I would not consider myself to be a happy person. I am a very worried person, and that affects my everyday life a lot, but I do consider myself grateful for everything I have. I am working on being more of a happy person.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Around the age of 13, I started having a lot of mood swings that were attributed to puberty, but as they grew bigger and bigger, I realized I needed to reach out for help. In the beginning, it was only small mood swings, but eventually, it grew to be a much larger issue.

Around 14, I started having episodes of what I didn’t know was mania. I started getting super hypersexual, and I started spending a lot of my money. I also started to steal from my family members, and every time I did it, I didn’t know why exactly. I just liked the high I got from stealing, and I liked the high of spending that money.

There were a couple of times I went through an episode that endangered my life. Once, I decided to walk on the edge of a bridge ledge, thinking I couldn’t die because I was invincible.

No one really attributed this to something more going on, all of my friends liked it and called me crazy. Crazy and cool are used synonymously in middle and high school.

Later on, around 16, I started having deep depression episodes. Before that, there were times I would get sad, but not like this. Those episodes turned into a lot of guilt and sadness, and I needed to punish myself for something, but I didn’t know what. I had a need to punish myself, so I did.

I started self-harming around that time. I remember everyone asking me where I had seen it and why I was copying people on the internet, but all I wanted was to punish myself. I hid it really well.

This time is a blur. All I remember is going from thinking that my dead grandparent was sending me signals to trying to commit suicide.

After that, I got hospitalized of my own free will. I was there for 2 weeks, and it didn’t help me; it actually left a very bad impression. All they did was secure mentally unstable people not to harm themselves or others, but nothing was done to help anyone.

Around 17, I got hospitalized again, this time for 33 days. I was put on multiple medications that led me to gain a huge amount of weight. It is hard to diagnose bipolar disorder in minors, but finally, at 17, I got the diagnosis. After finding the right combo of meds, I became stable again.

I finished school, enrolled in college, and also found a job.

I’m not cured, I still have episodes, but due to using Lamictal, they are way less severe, and finally, I’m a functional human!

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

No one really noticed I was struggling. At 16, I myself reached out for help to my school counselor. She then helped me get into treatment. My parents didn’t notice before I told them, as they were occupied with my younger siblings.

My friends didn’t really notice either, everything I did was considered cool and not something to be concerned about. The self-harm was not evident because I tried to hide it very well.

After everything, I still feel guilty. Some of the feelings cannot be shaken off. For some reason, I still hate myself without an actual reason. I guess this is a journey.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I don’t remember when it started to get better. There wasn’t anything I did. I think that as time went on, I just got tired of hate, guilt, and sadness. I don’t know how I stopped self-harm. I just remember my mindset changing and thinking that even if I hate myself, I shouldn’t harm my body.

It took years to stop and practice. I didn’t just drop it. I stopped doing it every day, then every week. It was a struggle, and I still get the urge to do it on a bad day. It became like an impulse, but I managed to control it after a few years.

I have been clean for 3 years now. I “relapsed” 3 years ago, but I got back on track quickly. I know meds helped, but it just took time, talk, therapy, a change of mindset, and everything else that you can think of. I had to change everything I knew so I could get better.

I still don’t know how I did it.

Loving the man I love also helped me. I felt worthy for the first time. Getting into college made me feel worthy. Getting my first job and moving out made me feel worthy.

Not happy 100%, because with all this comes the worry, but it did make me happy enough to start appreciating myself from time to time.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Therapy, therapy, therapy. That’s the best thing I can recommend. But before therapy, you must get the right diagnosis, which is hard. Finding the right doctor might also be a challenge, but I think there is no right answer to getting better.

Therapy helped me feel acknowledged and not crazy. It helped me understand my condition, how to manage it, and how to try to control it.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I have shared everything only after it happened, after hospitalization. During that time, I wasn’t even able to explain what was going on, so I was afraid to open up to anyone, fearing they wouldn’t understand. Not everyone reacted positively to my story, a lot of judgment occurred but that was to be expected.

I live in a small country in Europe, and mental health is still stigmatized here. I found it way easier to use the sentence “I’m working on some stuff” than to actually explain your problems.

Even now, I hide my scars from my co-workers because it’s easier to explain. I have worked for the same company for almost 3 years, and no one knows about my illness, so I plan for it to stay that way.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I wish I knew that I was worthy of the treatment and that everything I felt was valid. Because it is, no one is the same. Even with the same condition, we are all different.

I was scared of what was happening to me. I was full of hatred, sadness, guilt, disappointment in the world, etc., but sometimes I still am! And that’s valid.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Nothing in particular.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Not comfortable sharing.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Bipolar Disorder Journey and How Therapy and Medication Help Me Navigate appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

But what exactly makes someone ‘bubbly’? Is it just their perpetual smile or is there more to this captivating trait? The truth is, this personality type is pretty straightforward, but there are elements to it you probably haven’t considered. 

So let’s dive in to uncover more about this great personality type. If you’ve ever wondered what makes your bubbly friends so special, this article will shed some light. 

What does it mean to have a bubbly personality?

When you think of a bubbly personality, you probably think of someone who’s smiling, laughing, and talking a lot in a cheerful tone of voice.

Well, that’s pretty spot-on for a bubbly personality. According to the Collins Dictionary, a bubbly person is: 

“Someone who is very lively and cheerful and talks a lot.” 

With just this one criteria, this leaves room for a very broad range of people to be characterized as “bubbly”. 

For example, there is no particular MBTI personality that constitutes the “bubbly personality” — in fact, any personality that has the letter “E”, standing for extraversion, could be bubbly. Many people believe that the ENFP is generally the closest to being bubbly, but there is lots of variation, and many others disagree with that. 

I myself have a close friend who is an ENFP, and he could definitely be characterized as “bubbly”. However, I also have a friend who is an INFJ, who is perhaps even more bubbly than him. 

There is clearly no particular profile that is “bubbly” — there can be as many beautiful variations and shades of “bubbliness” as there are people. But one thing is for sure, and that’s that these people are generally very well-liked. Let’s have a quick look at why.

Why people like bubbly personalities

Why is the bubbly personality so popular?

It’s quite obvious that people would much rather be around someone who’s happy rather than a constant grouch. But do you know why?

Research explains that being around happy people makes us happier too. In fact, you don’t even need to be in direct contact with them. This effect even extends to friends of friend’s friends! No wonder bubbly people have such an easy time making friends — they literally brighten up people’s lives. 

But what about how they feel themselves? Let’s take a look at the relationship between bubbliness and happiness. 

Are bubbly people always happy?

As bubbly people generally look and act happy, some people equate a bubbly personality to a happy person. But there’s an important distinction to make between bubbliness and happiness.

They are, of course, closely related. But bubbliness is more about the social behavior of a person. On the other hand, happiness is a long-term emotional state of well-being. A person can be very happy with their life without being bubbly. For example, I know many quiet and serious personalities who are living extremely fulfilled and happy lives. 

This contrast is harder the other way around: it’s difficult to appear cheerful all the time if you are very unhappy. So it’s safe to say that bubbly people are generally happy people, at least from the short-term perspective. Even so, some people are still positive and pleasant to be around even when they themselves feel negative emotions.

This is what researchers describe as “affective presence” — the way you make others feel, irrespective of the way you yourself feel.

A bubbly friend of mine is an excellent example of this. Even when I knew she was feeling down, sick, or upset, she was still able to communicate with a smile on her face. You could barely hear any negative emotion in her voice, and she continued to make everyone around her feel welcome and wanted.     

Clearly, bubbly people are wonderful to have around. Let’s look at the signs of a bubbly personality so you can recognize who these people are in your life.  

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

6 signs you have a bubbly personality

How do you really know if someone has a bubbly personality? Here are 6 telltale signs!

1. They speak dynamically

One of the unmistakable signs of a bubbly personality is the dynamic way they communicate.

Ashley Howard, a professional voice coach, emphasizes that the manner in which a person speaks conveys a lot about them. This is not just about the words they choose, but also how they deliver them.

These key elements contribute to a bubbly speaking style:

• Vocal dynamism: Bubbly people use a range of tones and intonations in their voices. This vocal variety keeps listeners engaged and conveys enthusiasm.
• Breathing techniques: Their breathing patterns aid in projecting their voice confidently, enhancing their presence in a conversation.
• Physical expression: They are expressive not only with their voice but also with their body language. Gestures and facial expressions play a crucial role in making their communication lively and engaging.
• Rhetorical devices: The use of figures of speech and rhetorical devices adds flair to their language, making their conversation more captivating.

2. They make friends easily 

Individuals with a bubbly personality have an exceptional ability to connect with a wide array of people, making new friends seem almost effortless. They can do this even if they don’t have common interests or a shared background — because their secret is their ability to communicate. They approach every person with a positive attitude, a smile, and a willingness to strike up a conversation.

This makes others feel like the bubbly person likes them. And science has shown that we like people who like us. 

In professional settings, such as offices, those with bubbly personalities are often invaluable for fostering a sense of community. They are great at creating bonds among co-workers that transcend mere work-related interactions such as asking for help or passing on information.

3. They love being around people

Because bubbly people are usually in a good mood, they often attract many people around them, and end up being the center of attention. They’re the ones who liven up any party, are able to cheer up those around them, and in general create a fun time. This is a by-product of their personality, but it’s also something bubbly people usually enjoy — who doesn’t want to be liked by everyone?

Their personality makes socializing easy, and therefore stress-free and enjoyable. Research even shows that being in a good mood makes people show more kindness to others. And being kind to others in turn makes you happier. 

4. They’re passionate about life

One thing you’ll be sure to notice about bubbly people is their infectious enthusiasm for life. They want to experience all that life has to offer, and they do it with all the energy and passion they’ve got. They know how to enjoy even the simple, mundane moments, like cooking dinner or relaxing in bed. 

And of course, they have a drive to do big things with their life too. This might be doing the things on their bucket list, trying new experiences, or going fully after their goals. Whatever the case, bubbly people are often the ones to “make things happen”. This can be very inspirational to others as an example of how to live life to the fullest. 

5. They’re emotionally expressive

We all hide some feelings from time to time — thankfully! But bubbly people tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves. They’re the ones whose laughter fills a room and whose tears are quick to show in moments of sadness. When they’re passionate about something, you can see it in their animated gestures and hear it in their lively voice. They liven up every conversation and life in general. 

More than that, they usually feel emotions very vividly and fully. They aren’t just for show — bubbly people have an endearing rawness and honesty to their emotions.

This is another reason why they’re easy to get along with. You can be pretty sure you know where you stand as if the person is upset, they will probably show it. 

6. They’re optimistic

They say that what you look for is what you find. Perception can impact everything about your life — a happy person and a sad person viewing the same painting may have very different interpretations of it.

That’s why bubbly people are often able to find the positive in situations, even when it’s hard to find. Their overall happy nature primes them to see good things around them, and they tend to attract more of it to themselves. Moreover, they are often able to create good out of difficult situations. This optimism reinforces their bubbly nature, as it’s been shown that optimism increases happiness. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Now you know more about bubbly people, including what it means to be one and 6 signs to spot one. Hopefully, you recognize many bubbly people in your life — perhaps you even are one yourself!

Though personalities are not something we are able to change about ourselves, we can all take steps to become more positive, cheerful people no matter what our personality type is. Take a look around at some of our other articles, and you’ll find plenty of tips to help you get started!

Do you know another telltale sign of someone with a bubbly personality? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Silvia Adamyova Author

Born in Slovakia, raised in Canada. Online English teacher, editor, copywriter, and translator. You’ll find me holed up in a bookstore, typing in a cafe, or immersed in a philosophical debate.

The post 6 Telltale Signs of a Bubbly Personality (and Its Meaning and Traits) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello, I’m Jonathan, and I live in Rochester, NY. I’ve lived in the Rochester area my entire life. 

I work as a consultant for Non-Profit organizations. I’ve been in IT for most of my adult life. I turned to consulting when I realized I could help more than just one organization at a time and share my knowledge to help them meet their goals. 

I’ve been married for 14 years, we have 2 children together. 2 dogs, and 1 cat. My wife and I met when we were both 21, we fell in love almost immediately and have been each other’s best friend since. 

I’ve had many passions over the course of my adult life, currently I love playing Ultimate Frisbee and working on my classic Mustang. 

I do consider myself to be happy. I’ve always had a positive outlook on life, I would definitely say I’m an optimist. I always look at the silver linings in things. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 4th grade. The book on me was that I was a smart kid, but couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and was constantly being disruptive.

I struggle with impulsivity, poor memory, and hyper-focusing. I’m sure there are a few other symptoms, but those are the ones that affect me day to day. 

Shortly after being diagnosed, I began medication which definitely helped with school-related matters. At the time ADHD came with a bit of stigma, nobody really knew about it and everyone wanted to know why I had to go to the nurse every day to take medication.

I began to really hate taking medication, and by the time I reached 7th grade I had matured a lot, and my outward hyperactivity had subsided quite a bit.

My parents believed that I had “Outgrown” my ADHD and asked me if I still wanted to take my medication. Obviously, I said “No”.. and for the rest of high school, I went unmedicated. 

Unfortunately, my grades suffered and throughout high school, I struggled. I failed my French class in 8th grade and had to stay back the next year. I failed math 3 different times and had to go to summer school each time.

Because I always struggled with school, I was academically ineligible to do any type of sports or extracurriculars. The only sport I could do was football, and because it was in the fall, I could participate before the first marking period was over and my grades prevented me. 

I barely graduated, I needed to pass French in order to do so. I got 67 on the final to graduate with a Regents diploma. 

I had no plans for after high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or be. My parents pushed for me to attend the local community college where I could figure out a career.

I thought I wanted to be on TV or Radio, so I majored in communications. I joined the campus radio station where I made lifelong friendships. Through those friendships, I met my wife and started a career in Radio. 

After dating my wife for 6 months, we got pregnant. I was barely 21, and now I was staring down the barrel of fatherhood. I managed to secure a full-time albeit very low-paying job at the local radio station.

I had interned there initially and had made a good enough impression to get a morning show position that allowed me to make enough money to pay rent. 

6 months after my son was born, my morning show position was phased out and I was laid off. 

Here I was, 22 years old, unemployed, with a 6-month-old baby boy. I remember sitting in the bathroom of my apartment just crying. How was I going to take care of my wife and baby? I didn’t have any schooling or experience. 

ADHD contributed to some of these experiences. It’s like the devil on your shoulder telling you to do something when you are not sure. Impulsivity and poor memory made it almost impossible to finish school, and when I met my friends at the radio station, I became hyper-focused about that and only that. That’s what my career was going to be, that’s all that mattered. When that all came crashing down, I needed to reassess and really think about what it was I wanted to do. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

ADHD has been like an anchor for most of my life. Every day I have to fight. It’s also really hard for others to feel any type of sympathy. For the longest time, my wife couldn’t understand how I could forget things so easily.

It wasn’t until my son was also diagnosed with ADHD and she talked to his doctors that she really grasped how much of our day-to-day life is affected by ADHD. 

ADHD doesn’t display itself as a physical disability. Most people with ADHD appear and function as typical adults in most settings. I was very concerned about the social stigma left over from high school, so I never spoke of it and generally ignored it. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

After getting laid off, I changed careers to IT and have been working different entry-level service-related desktop/help desk positions. The work was steady but paid barely enough. I was bored all the time.

The work was slow enough that my ADHD didn’t really get in the way. I wanted to get a better job, and there were opportunities. But I believed I wouldn’t be capable with my skills. 

I finally came to grips that if I ever wanted to succeed, I would need to acknowledge my ADHD and get help. This was around the same time my son was diagnosed, and we started treating him. I talked to my doctor and started taking medication again.

After a few weeks, I noticed a difference. I was finishing tasks, I was proactive and productive. I felt good about being able to complete something without waiting till the last minute. 

I remember talking to a coworker about college, and he recommended an online school that allowed me to work at my own pace. I could go as fast or as slow as I wanted. I realized that I would only ever get where I wanted to go if I finished school. 

After talking with my wife, I decided to go for it and I enrolled. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

After acknowledging my ADHD I started developing strategies that allowed me to cope and work around and with it. I learned that my channel-changing brain was a caged animal: If I tried to ignore it, it would get angry and break out of its cage. But, if I fed it once in a while, it would be easier to control.

If I need to complete a task by noon and it’s 9 am. I would get that task done as soon as possible. Even if the task is only a 20-minute task, I start it. I know that at some point through that task, my caged animal brain is going to want to be fed, so I feed it.

I’ll get to a good point in my task and allow myself to browse the internet or zone out. Then I come back to that task and finish it. By being proactive in feeding my animal, I can control it in a way. 

The hardest part of that is starting the task. There isn’t a trick for this, only that promise of completing that task. Which is a drug for me. I learned that I love completing tasks.

The feeling of finishing something that was hard and difficult gives me great joy. Eventually, it gets easier and easier the more you do it. 

Another strategy I learned was how to work around my poor memory. ADHD doesn’t actually hurt your memory, it’s just that your brain is changing channels so much that you don’t have a chance to commit what you want to do to your short-term memory.

I use the channel-changing metaphor because that’s the best way to explain it. Imagine quickly switching between 10 different channels. Spend a half-second on each channel.

Now, once you are at channel 10 stop and try to remember what you saw on channel 2. There’s a good chance you won’t remember or have a very vague idea of what it was. 

So what I learned was that, If I need to remember what is on channel 2 at 8:30 every day. I would always go to channel 2 first. Always do the same thing. My morning routine is always the same. I get up > shower> get dressed > take pills > make coffee > feed the dogs. 

It gets much more granular than that, but the idea is, the more you do something the more it becomes a habit and committed to routines. There will be less reliance on memory. I know on days when that routine or habit gets disrupted, all my old issues come flooding back.

This happens a lot when I go on vacation or travel for work. I can’t tell you how many times I forgot to take my medication when I was traveling for work. 

And lastly, I’m no longer ashamed of ADHD. I own it, it’s part of me, and what makes me who I am. I’ve learned that my impulsivity allows me to have a quick wit.

I have a great sense of humor so this can benefit quite a bit. I’m honest with co-workers I trust, I tell them that I’ve struggled with ADHD my entire life.

Multiple times, I’ve had co-workers tell me they’ve also struggled with ADHD and we both commiserate and share tactics we’ve both learned. I’ve also talked with employers about accommodations for my ADHD. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Obviously, my wife and family members know, but it’s hard to share my ADHD with people I don’t trust. The stigma is nowhere near what it used to be, but it’s still there in varying degrees. 

When I make close work relationships, I like to open up about my ADHD so they have some understanding of what it is I’m dealing with. That can make working together a little easier. 

It’s definitely not something I share openly. Only when it can come into play. My social friends don’t need to know, because they are not depending on me to do their job. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

It’s ok, everyone has their own stuff to deal with. The sooner you accept it the better off you will be and can start making a plan. There isn’t a cure, but you can live a successful life with ADHD. ADHD can be a superpower in some areas. Being able to hyper-focus on something is very useful if applied correctly.

Don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor about medication options. 

There are tons of resources available for ADHD than there used to be. I grew up in a time when there were only 2 drug options and no extended-release. Now there are dozens of different drugs, and some non-stimulant options as well. 

Figure out what about ADHD holds you back. Is it the memory? Are you bad with money? Start putting guidelines around that issue. I used to overdraw my checking account at least once a month.

It got to the point where I decided I wasn’t going to use a debit card anymore because I couldn’t remember what I purchased. This was an extreme guardrail, but it was necessary for me to start learning and developing a strategy.

Now, I use a credit card for all of my bills. I have a very low limit on it, and I pay for everything using it. Then once I get paid, I only pay my credit card and don’t have to worry about overdrawing my account. (some banks no longer have fees, so that’s an option too) 

The point is to start breaking down each issue by its root cause, and focus on what you can do extreme or not, to control that root cause. Your ally is going to be repetition and success. Focus on little wins, and snowball it. 

If you are always late for work, ask yourself what is causing me to be late? Are you waking up too late? Are you doing too much in the morning before getting ready?

Break it down to the things you need to do to get ready. If you only shower and get dressed, and you’re still late, maybe you need to get up earlier. If it’s not that straightforward, it might be beneficial to talk to your boss and confide in them about your struggles and come up with a plan.

Employers are much more likely to work with you if you acknowledge the issue. Either way, develop a strategy and keep refining it. Start somewhere. 

One last piece of advice is don’t ignore exercise. Without going into the obvious benefits of exercise, I’ve learned that it helps settle the caged animal. Every night I take both of my dogs for a walk around the block.

During that time, I listen to a podcast and forget about everything. It’s a good way to recharge and decompress after work. I also try to get to the gym before work a few times a week.

I know this is a tough one, but the days I go to the gym before work I’m a lot more productive than the days I don’t. Sports are a great way to get in exercise without it feeling like “Work” 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Ha, I find this funny, because reading is probably the hardest thing for me to do with ADHD. I can’t concentrate long enough to follow along. I do listen to tons of podcasts, either about sports, or my hobbies. I love audiobooks because I can let my imagination do the work. 

Definitely check out /r/ADHD. It’s a great resource to learn and share about your experience. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge and comfort knowing that it’s not just me with struggles. It also gives me a great perspective that some folks are having a harder time than me. 

Also, the “rules for life” post on Reddit was a real help for me as well. It’s not necessarily geared for folks with ADHD, but it applies. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can reach out to me on LinkedIn!

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I don’t claim to be an expert, I don’t have a psychology degree. But I do know that it’s possible to be happy with ADHD. Granted, everyone’s experience with ADHD is going to be unique.

I recognize that their life experience may be totally different than mine. But I know if somebody had guided me and given me some tips when I was in 7th grade, I would have avoided a lot of struggles. 

I’ve learned being a parent with ADHD and having a child with ADHD, that I inherently learned to do things without actively trying. When my son would struggle with similar things that I struggled with, I would put my present self in that situation, and I would immediately turn to the strategies that I’ve developed over the course of my life.

14-year-old me, didn’t have the experience and struggles yet, but 40-year-old me did. That’s when I realized that for me there were a few base tenants that contribute to being happy and living with ADHD. 

• Strategies to overcome the daily struggles; E.g. Routines, Feed the Caged Animal. 
• Acknowledgement that you learn differently and may need help; E.g. talk to Dr, medication, confide in trusted co-workers/friends
• Confidence in yourself to do the job. Just because you don’t learn in a straight line, doesn’t mean you can’t. That can give you the opportunity to think outside the box or bring creativity into the equation. 
• Be open and ever-evolving. What worked today, may not work tomorrow. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Confronting The Stigma around My ADHD and Embracing It to Reinvent Myself appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Firstly, it’s a good idea to acknowledge that a little insecurity is a good thing because it helps us stay motivated. However, insecurity is only good in moderation, and constantly feeling insecure or unsafe will not lead to a happy life.

In this article, I’ll take a look at why feeling secure is so important and more importantly, some tips on how to feel more secure.

Why it’s important to feel secure

As a child, I would spend my summers playing a version of hide-and-seek, where the objective was to rush from your hiding spot to the “home base” and yell “Free!” or “Safe!”. I can still vividly remember how good it felt to be “safe” after reaching the home base.

As an adult, I’ve found similar feelings of security and relief after successfully extending the lease of an apartment or solving a relationship-related problem. You probably have your own examples of uncertain times and how good it was to feel secure afterward.

Feeling secure is a basic human need

Feeling secure is a basic human need in several ways.

Firstly, there is physical security – we need to be protected from the elements and other dangers. But mental security is just as important – we need to feel that we belong and that we have control of our lives, that we are safe.

Being and feeling safe is the foundation of living a fulfilling life. If we’re not feeling safe, our thoughts and energy are directed toward finding safety and security.

For example, I’ve met children who have trouble doing their homework at home because of the unpredictable moods of an alcoholic parent, and it’s completely understandable – how are you supposed to focus on your math homework if you have to keep an eye out for your mom’s mood swings and whims?

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

How insecurity causes negativity

On the other end of the spectrum, being insecure in yourself can also cause problems. In a relationship, an insecure partner may suppress their needs to serve those of their partner, or overcorrect and come across as overbearing and controlling.

That’s why feeling secure on all levels is so important. We can’t learn, develop, or even enjoy life if we aren’t safe physically or secure in both our relationships and in ourselves.

John Bowlby, the creator of attachment theory, writes in his 1988 book A Secure Base:

All of us, from the cradle to the grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figures.

John Bowlby

In practice, this means that children develop trust if they have a relationship with an attachment figure (usually a parent), who meets their needs and is emotionally available, someone whom children can turn to for comfort.

Just like in the hide-and-seek game, the attachment figure is a safe “home base” that children can return to after exploring.

But adults need secure bases, too. For most people, it’s their significant other who they can always turn to and who gives them encouragement to explore the world, but it can also be a friend.

My favorite example of a secure base in adulthood is the “work bestie” – that one coworker who’s fun during lunch break and has got your back when you’re preparing to ask for a raise.

What’s the purpose of feeling insecure?

With all that being said, it’s normal to feel a little insecure at times. Starting a new job or relationship, or moving to a new town are all big changes in life and it’s completely normal to feel a little wobbly.

It takes time to adapt to new surroundings and situations. I’ve recently switched up my sleep schedule and after two weeks, I still wake up scared that I have missed my alarm and unsure if I’ll make it to work in time.

Even if everything is going fine, you shouldn’t panic at the first sign of uncertainty. It’s completely normal to feel insecure sometimes, it’s just a part of the wonderful and varied experience of being a human. Additionally, sometimes happiness can be found outside of your bubble of security.

Insecurity is also important for self-honesty: nobody’s perfect and it’s often insecurity that drives self-improvement and growth. While not impossible, growth is highly unlikely if you think you’re already good enough at everything.

7 ways to feel more secure

While insecurity can be motivating, it’s completely understandable that people seek security, especially in uncertain times like these.

Unfortunately, there is no VPN for mental security, but there are ways to feel more secure.

1. Realize you’re not in it alone

In our insecure moments, we might feel like the world is against us and no one’s on our side. But that’s not true – there is always someone who’s there for you and you just have to reach out and find your secure base.

Maybe it’s your family or friends, maybe it’s your significant other. If your personal relationships do not feel secure right now, try seeking help from a counselor (face-to-face or online) or a support group, if you’re struggling with a specific problem that’s making you insecure.

Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side: remember, it’s completely normal to feel insecure at times. But be mindful of others, too – just like it’s your right to reach out, it’s their right to reject your request. That’s why it’s a good idea to have several supportive relationships.

2. Check your body language

Look confident and your mind will follow. This doesn’t mean that you have to put on your best suit or rock a full face of make-up – but if it makes you more confident, then go for it! Often, a change in posture is all it takes.

When we’re insecure, we tend to make ourselves smaller – we droop our shoulders, lower our heads and hunch our backs. Depending on your personality, your mannerisms might be quiet and meek or nervous and anxious.

I tend to do these things all the time. At work, I find myself hunched protectively over the keyboard as I type out a non-confrontational letter to confrontational parents. I wring my hands as I talk to some of the more intimidating teachers.

If you recognize yourself here – maybe you’re drooping your shoulders right now – I invite you to do the following:

1. Straighten your back.
2. Push back your shoulders.
3. Lift your chin and gaze straight ahead or make eye contact.

How does it feel? Try to change your posture every time you feel insecure. Not only will it make you feel more secure and confident, but it will make others believe it, too.

There’s science to back this up, too. A 2010 study found that power posing – adopting open, expansive poses that signal power – for only 1 minute decreased the stress hormone cortisol and increased feelings of power and tolerance for risk.

3. Do more of what you love

We love being good at something because it makes us feel accomplished and capable. When you’re feeling insecure about something in your life, it’s a good idea to remind yourself of the things you’re good at.

It doesn’t matter if you enjoy running, golf, knitting, or calligraphy. It’s important to have a regular hobby or pastime that makes you feel good about yourself and your skills. Just watching a movie or reading a book may be the ticket if you love it.

Trying out a new hobby is also a good way to develop and learn new skills and feel accomplished.

In this case, it’s important to remember that perfection takes time, and setting smaller goals is the key to success.

4. Be more optimistic

Often, insecurities arise from general negativity in our lives, like some sort of snowball: one thing goes wrong and the snowball is set in motion, gathering size and momentum as it rolls through your life.

Yes, multiple things can go wrong at the same time, but there are always things to be grateful for and optimistic about. Even if it’s just the basics, like having a roof over your head and food on the table, or trivial things, like finally getting to binge the new season of The Crown on Netflix.

Noticing the good things also helps to shine a light on the things that are under our control. Watching Netflix means that while you might not have control over your living situation right now, you have control over your entertainment.

Having a home means having your own safe space that you can decorate and fill with the things you love, even if there’s a global pandemic wreaking havoc outside.

5. Trust yourself

This probably isn’t the first time you feel insecure, and it won’t be the last. Sometimes, it’s useful to jog your memory and remind yourself how you beat insecurity the last time around.

If you can’t quite remember, that’s okay – trust yourself to handle this. You’ve got this. Think of the hard times you’ve been through.

One way to build trust in yourself is to try affirmations or positive statements about yourself. Some good trust-building affirmations are:

• I can do this!
• I am good enough.
• I’m going to make myself so proud.
• I will succeed today.
• I have the power to create change.

6. Develop a gratitude habit

Gratitude isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a powerful tool for fostering security. Start by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. This practice shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant.

For instance, appreciate a sunny day, a good meal, or a supportive friend. By regularly identifying things you’re grateful for, you cultivate a mindset that recognizes and appreciates the stability and goodness already present in your life.

To make this actionable, keep a gratitude journal. Each day, jot down three things you’re thankful for. These can range from significant achievements to simple pleasures. Over time, this habit not only enhances your sense of security but also improves overall well-being.

Remember, gratitude is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes in shaping your perception of security and happiness.

7. Strengthen your social connections

Feeling secure often stems from the relationships we have. Strong social connections provide a sense of belonging and support, crucial elements for feeling secure. Assess the quality of your current relationships and take steps to strengthen them. This might mean reaching out to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, or planning regular catch-ups with family members.

Moreover, don’t shy away from building new connections. Join clubs, groups, or online communities that align with your interests. Engaging in social activities not only expands your social circle but also reinforces your sense of identity and belonging.

Remember, it’s not the number of friends, but the quality of these relationships that count. Nurturing deep, meaningful connections can significantly enhance your feeling of security in an unpredictable world.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Feeling secure is a basic human need, and while insecurity may have some benefits, security is the key to a happier life. It’s okay to feel insecure at times, but when it starts getting in the way of your happiness, it’s time to intervene. Security can be found in a positive mindset, looking confident, reaching out, and spending time on things you love. While not always easy, these are all worth a try.

What do you think? What’s your take on the importance of feeling secure? Have you ever felt unhappy due to a lack of security? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Maili Tirel Author

School psychologist, teacher and internet counselor from Estonia. Passionate about coffee, reading, dancing, and singing in the shower, much to the neighbors’ dismay. Counseling catchphrase: “It’s okay!“

The post 7 Ways to Be More Secure in Life (and Why This Matters!) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources

Hello! Who are you?

Hello! My name is Natalia Nieves. I live in my hometown Palm Bay, FL, I grew up in Cocoa, FL. I graduated from high school in May 2023. Graduating from high school was my greatest achievement.

Right now I am doing a gap year, taking a break from education until I know exactly where I want to be. I am single, I wanna work on myself before I get into a relationship. My passions are writing, marine life, mental health, and self-care. 

Throughout the years, I have been discovering new things about myself through my mental health journey. I have always been the kind of child with a good heart. I grew up with my mom, who is my number one role model, and two younger siblings.

My childhood without my father was a struggle for me, I was four years old when I left my father. I didn’t understand the horrible things that he did and how he was emotionally and medically neglectful and what he did wasn’t okay. 

I have never been this happy in a long time. 2023 has shown me how “time heals everything”- Luke Combs. Every day I learn more about myself, my past experiences made me who I am today. 

This is something that took me a long time to realize that I am worthy. I am proud to see how things that we go through are lessons and guidance. Seeing how they are tests that challenge us to decide whether or not we choose to take the path towards something good.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I experienced childhood sexual abuse in March 2019 (which was a one-time occurrence) when I was still in middle school and then in May 2021, I developed PTSD from that experience.

In May 2019, I started to suffer from depression that had nothing to do with the abuse. I remember the day when my depression was developing, I was sitting in my classroom and just didn’t care what was happening around me.

As my Sophomore year was coming to an end, I started to develop constant flashbacks, nightmares about the event, and severe anxiety causing shortness of breath, uncontrolled tremors, hypervigilance, and anxiety attacks from the traumatic event.

What was scary was my pulse would race and chest tightened when anxiety attacks would constantly come from post-traumatic stress. Along with PTSD, I suffered with trauma bond for two years.

In 2020, I started to suffer with social anxiety disorder after returning to school from the pandemic. Feeling isolated and losing confidence in myself made it really difficult for me to make new friends.

I was all alone wanting to hide by the wall. My closest friends didn’t return to school after covid-19, I was lonely and so anxious that I would cover my face with my hair. I was bullied in middle school which went on for a few years. 

In 2021, I also developed generalized anxiety disorder when my PTSD was beginning to show symptoms, and weeks later I decided to tell my story to a high school counselor, which felt like one of the most terrifying moments of my life

I then got help recently after speaking out about the sexual abuse from seeing a counselor on a weekly basis. I was vulnerable as I opened up about my experiences, being educated on why I was feeling ashamed, guilty, and betrayed by my perpetrator and learning how to not let it control me.

I found out from my most recent counselor that I have an anxious preoccupied attachment that I feel like I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember.

I get attached to others easily and fear rejection and abandonment, I am afraid of being hurt and betrayed by anyone new that comes into my life. I still struggle with trust issues from my past experiences, I fear that whoever I let in will let me down.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

After the abuse happened, I didn’t realize or understand it was abuse. So instead, I felt like I bonded with my perpetrator and decided to get in contact.

We would text each other through Facebook Messenger and I craved the attention that my abuser gave me, there were highs and lows at times as most messages involved emotional abuse, but there were also conversations that were comforting. 

When we lost touch, I showed signs of depression. When I developed depression, it was like my heart was shattered into pieces. I lost the kind of relationship that I thought I had and felt like I did something wrong. 

When I realized that I experienced sexual abuse as a teenager, I didn’t know what to do. I started having vivid flashbacks from the event that made me feel afraid to tell anyone.

I feared telling the truth to someone, but I had to get it out when I didn’t know what else to do. I craved the cycle of abuse from the trauma bond I was psychologically trapped in and feared what would happen to my abuser if I told the whole story to someone.

When I shared my trauma from the beginning to the end of everything I remember, the school counselor I trusted believed me and got me the help I needed to heal. 

It felt like my blood ran cold when the truth came out and then my mom found out about it from someone else and I confessed the truth to her.

This experience caused me to feel guilty, ashamed, hypervigilant, and blame myself. I thought to myself, “I have feelings for this person.” “Why would this person do this?” “What did I do to deserve it?” 

These thoughts stuck with me for two years until I now realize that my experience can’t define me and I deserve better.

In 2020, when quarantine began, I felt so isolated and disconnected from the world. Months later, when the school opened again, I developed social anxiety disorder (SAD). 

I started to feel a lack of confidence in my appearance and I couldn’t look people in the eyes or have a conversation without anxiety creeping in. It was my sophomore year, and my mental state impacted my education. I was afraid and embarrassed to ask for extra help with my school work, work in small class groups, communicate, and connect with others in class.

When my post-traumatic stress (PTS) started to develop, I felt something that I’d never felt before in my life. I started having vivid nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks that were constantly bringing back the trauma.

I wanted to say something to someone, but I was afraid of what would happen to my abuser. I decided that I would try to receive closure from my abuser before I took a big step toward healing. 

Then on the week of my abuser’s birthday in August 2021, it got to the point where I had to get the truth out to someone. During the summer of 2021, I started to talk about my experience with a good friend and still didn’t want anyone to know who abused me.

When my mom first suspected something and asked me if someone had touched me, I denied it. She could tell that I lied and tried to cover up the story.

My trauma bond made me feel like I had no control over my feelings towards my perpetrator and I did anything to not cause trouble and do anything for that person. 

My mom would do anything to protect me and my siblings and that was the part that terrified me. The addiction I had to post-traumatic stress was like there was no escape, I was emotionally trapped with my heart constantly being punched.

Then, my mom found out the truth from someone else by receiving a phone call and I had a feeling in my gut that she received horrific news. This was on the same day when I told my entire trauma experience to my high school counselor, which was a frightening occurrence that I carried.

My mom was on the phone being secretive of who was on the phone and I knew who it was. I was just as terrified as opening up to the officer who got involved. She talked to me in my room alone with furious behavior.

I was then getting help to work towards my healing journey. I was vulnerable and open to work on recovering from my mental illnesses, I wanted to not feel what I was feeling anymore.

I learned trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy to guide me by learning about the experience. I learned to let go and move forward with time. It was a lot of hell that I kept pushing through and I am proud to be where I am today.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

In June 2022, I decided to get on medication for my anxiety and social anxiety disorder. I have always been big on self-care when my mental health hits rock bottom. 

Being on medication after a few weeks showed a difference in my thinking with social situations. I started to see that I shouldn’t care what people think, I am a loyal and caring person, and I can find people who accept me after two years of insecurity.

This doesn’t mean that I am considering that others should get on medication to overcome a mental disorder, I never depended on it for my PTSD. We all have our own ways of healing.

As my post-traumatic stress showed unexpectedly, I never turned to substances as a coping mechanism. Instead, I needed to get it out by writing about the experience or telling someone about it. 

In October 2021, I remember myself thinking how I didn’t wanna keep living in pain and fear, I then was in counseling for the first time after I opened up about my sexual abuse.

I received a great education and healthy coping mechanisms to help me get through the dark times.

As months and then two years have gone, I kept educating myself to find answers. Today, I have healed from this tragedy by giving it my best to prioritize my healing journey with time.

With the support I got and educating myself, I feel relief that I am seeing change in my personal journey. 

When I was depressed for a year, I didn’t think I would realize that I needed to let go and realize that it was an experience that was temporary. 

This was something I never felt. I then learned that change is what challenges us. I know that I wouldn’t change my experiences that have led me to a positive change.

I am still learning how to live a better life by rebuilding relationships and learning to make new ones. I want to improve my self-awareness and rebuild my self-confidence.

With me knowing that I struggle with anxious attachment, I can dig deep into navigating how to heal and become a better version of myself.

I feel so proud of who I’ve become, I’m so grateful for my support system, even my mom. She has always been by my side and did whatever she could to support me.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I started researching my symptoms of depression, wondering why I was filled with emptiness inside, and why I had dreams about someone that I thought cared for me.

I would listen to YouTube videos and go into therapy to help me understand why I was taken advantage of and how I can overcome this battle.

Journaling has been my best friend, I get my thoughts out by writing what I’m feeling. 

I found that digging into my trauma by writing down questions to ask myself about the experience. This helped me get a better understanding of my emotions.

What really helped me with my anxiety and depression was talking to my school counselors and my amazing friend who supported me. 

I talked to people I trust to get my thoughts out when they hit rock bottom. I learned to make myself a priority by doing simple tasks at home like chores to not dwell on my depression.

I can’t recall a lot of when I was depressed, I just remember the time it started and when there were darker times.

If I would go back to talk to my younger self, I would tell her not to blame herself. These feelings are temporary and you are growing every day.

For my severe generalized anxiety, I would make myself a priority. I stick to self-care routines that have helped me. 

For my routine, journal when thoughts get to me, I have an exercise routine, and I eat healthy. I feel like this routine has made a positive impact on my well-being along with counseling.

My social anxiety was improved by medication for the most part. I used to feel so insecure I couldn’t talk to people without choking.

It also started to make me feel in a low mood, almost like I was depressed but without wanting to cry.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

When I was back in school in 2020, I was at home sitting in the living room, and one of my best friends, who is like a big brother to me, had me open up to him about my depression I remember him saying how he can relate to what I was feeling.

I was relieved to express what I was holding in for a while. We were in high school together for a few years and our friendship is still a close bond.

I trust him when I need support in any situation. He is empathetic and compassionate.

For my post-traumatic stress, I decided to talk about my symptoms with the same friend.

I was afraid of mentioning my abuser because if my mom found out, she would go into full protective mode. During this time, I had feelings towards my perpetrator like I cared deeply for the abuser, feeling stuck in a trauma bond.

My friend has been supportive and trustworthy to me. I told him that two years ago, I started to realize that I was touched inappropriately by someone and I get vivid nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks.

I also talked to my uncle about the situation in the same way as I talked to my friend by not giving too much detail. I then told my junior history teacher that I was abused and that year was very emotionally hard for me. 

My history teacher supported me when I needed to vent. It was so terrifying to talk about the fact that I was molested. I went for weeks without telling my friend or uncle who my perpetrator was. I just wanted the nightmares and flashbacks to end.

I was not comfortable talking to my mom about my mental health journey when it took a toll, she would come at me with tough love, like I’m not supposed to feel this way.

She once said that I can’t keep thinking this way with a hard tone because she doesn’t want to see me hurting inside. I would talk to my aunt, who is like my second mom. 

She listens and knows what advice to give when I am struggling. I am overall grateful that I got the support and help I deserved to help me grow. I am vulnerable and I have been since I was a kid.

I was raised to be open and honest about my health and emotional state. My mom would always be asking how I was feeling due to my medical history.

I was angry and would lash out when I had to leave my father so young. I was at the age where I didn’t understand the reasons. My mom would always be by my side trying to be strong for me when my medical complications were bad.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I want others to know that this won’t last forever. You have to fight and give it your all, don’t give up. Time is everything.

Today, I can look back on my journey and that it was worth it. It made me who I am today. I am stronger and aware that the world isn’t perfect. 

What we go through is a challenge for us to decide whether to give it all or nothing. If I were to talk to my younger self, I would say “You are not to blame and I am so proud of how far you’ve come. You can’t be so hard on yourself.” 

This mental health journey has made me discover good outcomes in my life. I can see 14-year-old Natalia wasn’t aware of her surroundings because she never should have faced tragedies that no kid deserves. 

She never saw this kind of behavior before and liked the attention that was given. I wish I could have realized I am not less than I am enough. Go easy on yourself and take it one day at a time.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Ted Talks became inspiring to me. This was helpful to me because people came to talk about their own experiences and share advice for those who could relate

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Overcoming Trauma and Depression With Therapy, Journaling and Self-Care appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

It’s hard to argue with that. We spend more time with ourselves than anyone else. Yet, our impressions are often biased, embellished, or downright deluded. If we gain clarity with self-reflection, we’ll enjoy better relationships, self-esteem, and success. But reflecting on yourself is also associated with depression and negative thoughts. And many get stuck in reflecting without leading to any progress. What’s the right approach if your goal is both personal growth and happiness?

We’ve got the answers in this detailed guide. We’ll discuss 12 tips to effectively reflect on yourself in a way that’s both healthy and insightful.

What does it mean to reflect on yourself?

Let’s start with the basics: what does it mean to reflect on yourself?

According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, self-reflection is the examination, contemplation, and analysis of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

So you reflect on yourself anytime you ponder questions like these:

• Where does this opinion come from?
• What are my emotions right now?
• What outcome do I want to achieve?

Essentially, it’s any question that makes you delve deeper into who you are and what makes you that way. 

What is the goal of reflecting on yourself? 

Reflecting on yourself is a process. But you don’t do it for its own sake. Eventually, this process should lead to self-awareness, self-knowledge, and self-insight. 

For example, after reflecting on yourself you might realize “I’m not a morning person” or “I have trust issues with my family.” 

It’s key to have this goal in mind because the benefits of reflecting on yourself don’t actually come from the process of self-reflection itself. Rather, they come from its results — the insights you gather. 

These are so useful that a growing number of experts believe self-awareness is a key driver of improvement.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Different types of self-awareness

There are countless things we can learn about ourselves. What kind of insight should you try to gain — that would benefit you the most?

There are actually two different kinds of self-awareness, each associated with great benefits: 

1. Internal self-awareness (how clearly you see yourself).
2. External self-awareness (how well you understand how other people see you).

You might think that being good at one kind of self-awareness automatically makes you good at the other too. But research has found there is actually no relationship between them. 

We end up with four different profiles, each with a different set of opportunities to improve:

(Source) 

Research shows that the greatest benefits come from having high levels of both types of self-awareness. So if you’re not in the upper-right corner of the chart, work on increasing the type you’re missing.

But even if you think you’re already “fully aware,” it’s still a good idea to reflect on yourself more. Eurich found that most leaders believe they are self-aware, but only about 10-15% of them really are.

The benefits of reflecting on yourself

At this point, you might be thinking, “Why should I reflect on myself? It all sounds awfully time-consuming.”

You’re right that it takes time — but actually, that seems to be the one main drawback to self-reflection! When you do it properly, all its other effects are wonderful benefits that can make your life a lot better.

Let’s have a look at the main benefits of reflecting on yourself. 

1. Reflecting on yourself fosters personal growth

You may have already heard that people attribute their successes to internal factors like their effort and skills, and their failures to external circumstances out of their control. 

This might be a good coping mechanism to maintain a positive self-image. But clearly, we also have success due to good luck and failure due to our inexperience or poor skills. Imagine how hard it will be to make progress in life if we continue to tell ourselves the opposite! 

Reflecting on yourself helps you face these uncomfortable truths and achieve real personal growth. It can also dramatically improve your problem-solving abilities and resilience.  

2. It boosts your self-esteem

When you get to know yourself through self-reflection, you’ll have an accurate picture of your strengths and shortcomings. 

So when you do well, you can recognize how you contributed to your success and celebrate your hard work.

And when you do poorly, you can understand where you fell short and how you can improve for next time, making you more confident to try again. 

3. It increases your motivation and performance

Are you trying to learn a foreign language, a new instrument, or a challenging skill? Incorporate self-reflection into your routine to boost your performance. 

This means setting goals, tracking your progress, and reflecting on your efforts. Language students who self-reflected in this way showed better motivation, consistency, and progress.

For extra motivation, get regular feedback from your teacher or fellow learners. This increases external self-reflection. Study participants mentioned this as particularly helpful.

4. It helps you fit well into society

As you reflect on yourself, you also discover what makes you different from others. You thus get better at understanding and empathizing with other people’s perspectives. 

At the same time, you improve your own behavior in the context of various social situations. Self-awareness uncovers our true motivations and pushes us to act in more ethical ways.

For example, a study found that more self-aware people were less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. 

Does reflecting on yourself make you happier?

If you’ve already done some research on how to reflect on yourself, you may have come across some mixed findings related to happiness.

Here at Tracking Happiness, we’re all about clarity, understanding, and a science-backed approach. This article wouldn’t be worth anything if we didn’t consider all sides of an argument. 

So let’s break it down: does self-reflection increase happiness?

Self reflection can increase happiness

In the context of the benefits described above, self-reflection certainly improves your life, success, and happiness. 

Reflecting on yourself also leads to happiness directly. This seems to be the case, especially for moderately happy people when they reflect on meaningful events.

This might be because it helps them set meaningful goals, which are strongly linked to greater happiness.

So reflecting on yourself increases happiness:

• If you are moderately happy (and want to be happier).
• If you reflect on meaningful events that help you set meaningful goals.

When reflecting on yourself decreases happiness

It’s interesting to note that self-reflection can decrease happiness for extremely happy people. Researchers speculate this might be because the studies that found this asked participants to reflect on trivial things. 

Another interesting finding is that self-reflection may make it hard to maintain happiness. For example, people who did an act of kindness felt it was more selfish after reflecting on it. Researchers compare this to finding a flaw in a beautiful painting after examining it closely. 

But many of these negative effects arise because we self-reflect the wrong way. We get stuck in the reflection stage without moving towards insights. Or worse, we fall into the trap of self-rumination (more on this later). 

So reflecting on yourself can decrease happiness:

• If you are already very happy (and your reflections make you fixate on trivial flaws).
• If you approach reflecting on yourself in the wrong way.

How to reflect on yourself to increase your happiness

So what’s the bottom line?

The benefits listed earlier make one thing clear. Self-reflection is an incredibly useful tool that we can and should leverage. But we need to strike a careful balance between two things:

1. Gaining an accurate understanding of ourselves. 
2. Maintaining a positive self-image. 

How do we do that? Let’s break it down into actionable steps. 

12 science-backed ways to reflect on yourself effectively

Follow these tips on how to reflect on yourself to achieve both personal growth and happiness. 

1. Choose meaningful topics

As mentioned above, reflecting on trivial matters can lead to negativity and depression. 

So start by choosing carefully what you want to reflect on. 

We all make mistakes on a daily basis. If we had to sit and analyze each one, we’d never get out of our chairs! Not every small blunder you make is worth analyzing. 

Ask questions like these to filter out the meaningful topics:

• Does it have a lasting impact on my life, or does it relate to a lasting area of my life?
• Is it something that happens often, in the same way, or in similar ways?
• Does it relate to one of my core values or beliefs?
• Does it cause me or someone else significant discomfort or pain?

If you’re especially hard on yourself, it might feel like every mistake is a big deal. Then try considering it from a third-person perspective:

• If this happened to someone you know (or even a total stranger), would you think it was a big deal? Would you recommend they spend hours thinking about it? 

2. Focus on problem-solving 

Scientists suggest there are two ways to reflect on yourself:

1. Problem-focused: reflecting on insights learned and how best to reach your goals. 
2. Self-focused: trying to understand, contain, or eliminate your negative emotions, thoughts, or reactions. 

As you might guess, the self-focused method leads to negative feelings and self-rumination. On the other hand, the problem-focused approach leads to inspiration and future progress. 

To get into the right mindset, consider why you want to reflect on yourself before you start. You probably have a specific reason: maybe you want to learn something, process a memory, or drop a bad habit. 

Articulating this reason helps focus your thoughts in the right direction. Write it down on paper and create a mind map as you reflect to make sure your thoughts all connect back to it. 

One important caveat: the approach was named “problem-focused,” but focus on solutions instead. This is an extra layer of protection to keep your thinking constructive and positive. 

Frame questions in this way too. So instead of “What difficulty am I facing right now?”, ask:

• “What would I like this situation to look like a month from now?”
• “What is one possible solution to this problem?”
• “What is one way I could start to move toward creating this solution?

3. Get feedback from others

Researchers point out a seeming paradox: 

The road to self-knowledge likely cannot be traveled alone but must be traveled with close others who can help shed light on our blind spots.

So as you reflect, ask for input from people close to you. Researchers found the best self-awareness comes from getting feedback from “loving critics.” These are people who have your best interests in mind and are willing to tell you the truth. 

Also, be on the lookout for indirect feedback. It is everywhere around you. A performance review from your boss. A passing comment from a friend. Or even a look from a stranger on the bus. These are all forms of feedback on you and your behavior. 

But don’t get too swept away by what others think of you. Nor should you jump to wild conclusions. Get a range of feedback, so you don’t overreact or overcorrect based on one person’s impressions.  

For more information, Thanks for the Feedback is an excellent book on understanding and accepting feedback. It completely changed my approach to personal growth and improving my relationships.

4. Make it a regular practice (with time limits)

Few things produce noticeable results after one day. 

If you want real benefits from reflecting on yourself, you’ll have to make it into a regular practice. Just like going to the gym or learning a new language. 

Psychotherapist Haley Neidich suggests incorporating self-reflection into a daily mindfulness practice. It can be journaling or even a sitting meditation where you allow your mind to explore.

But it’s best to set a time limit for these sessions.

Why?

It keeps you from getting carried away or sucked into a cycle of repetitive thoughts. 

It’s hard to realize that this is happening in the moment. But hearing a timer can snap you out of it. Resist the urge to keep going and move on to another activity.

5. Don’t overthink your feelings

Self-reflection is hardly a new concept. In fact, psychologist Wilhelm Wundt used it heavily in his research in the 19th century. He had a meticulous method to make participants describe their thoughts objectively and accurately. 

The main criticism of this technique was that the very process of self-reflection can change what you’re reflecting on. 

For example, when you try to describe your feelings, you have to stop and think about them. This interruption and attention can cause your feelings to shift. So your reflection will not be accurate anymore. 

To mitigate this effect, don’t spend too much time analyzing your thoughts and feelings. If you’re journaling, write down the first thing that comes to mind. If it doesn’t feel right, just keep writing and searching until you find the words that click. 

6. Watch out for dysfunctional attitudes 

When we reflect on ourselves, we have to be honest. We cannot ignore our weaknesses and delude ourselves into thinking that we are perfect. 

But focusing on the negative counteracts the benefits of self-reflection.

A study looked at the relationship between happiness, self-reflection, self-rumination, and self-insight. It found that self-insight is most related to happiness. Self-reflection can lead to self-insight (discovering new parts of yourself). However, dysfunctional attitudes seem to prevent this result. 

Dysfunctional attitudes are beliefs that lead to negative thoughts about yourself, others, and the future. They often lead to depression. 

They can be thoughts like:

• “If I fail at my work, then I am a failure as a person.”
• “People will think less of me if I make a mistake.”

This is part of the reason why some studies find self-reflection creates more anxiety. The more self-reflection you do, the easier it is for negative attitudes to creep in.

So keep an eye out for these negative thoughts and don’t let them take over your process. They can be easier to catch if you write your thoughts down. 

Discard them, and self-reflection leads to more self-insight, which leads to better well-being.

7. Ask “what” rather than “why” questions

How often do you ask yourself “why”?

Why do I feel so angry at my boss? Why can’t I get through my whole to-do list? Why is sandwich meat round when bread is square?

On the surface, “why” can seem like a logical question. But in fact, it makes us miserable. 

When we ask “why”, our brains point to an explanation that confirms our pre-existing beliefs. And usually, you make connections between things that are completely unrelated. 

For example, let’s say you’re a new manager and you feel a little insecure in your new role. One stressful day, you snap at an employee. You might conclude that you’re not cut out for management. But in reality, it was just a case of low blood sugar. 

The problem here isn’t just that we are wrong, it’s also that we are extremely confident that we are right. So it’s extremely hard to find the real answer. Meanwhile, we worsen our fears, shortcomings, and insecurities. 

So what should you ask instead?

Researchers found that the most self-aware people tend to ask “what”. These questions keep you objective, future-focused, and empowered to act on your insights. They also help you accept difficult truths and become a better person. 

Here are some examples:

• “Why do I feel so terrible?” → “What are the situations that make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?”
• “Why did my coworker say this about me?” → “What are the steps I need to take in the future to do a better job?”
• “Why is my business failing?” → “What do I need to do to move forward in a way that minimizes the impact on our customers and employees?”

8. Don’t place too much importance on your experience and power

Do you have a large amount of experience or power at work?

You might think this makes you especially good at self-awareness. But unfortunately, research shows this isn’t the case.

More experienced managers tend to be less accurate in assessing their leadership effectiveness compared to less experienced managers. Similarly, those with more power tend to overestimate their skills and abilities. 

This pattern was true for nearly all competencies tested, including:

• Emotional self-awareness.
• Empathy.
• Trustworthiness.

Your experience and power are great accomplishments. But it doesn’t mean much when it comes to knowing yourself. 

9. Journal to explore new topics

Journals are excellent tools to reflect on yourself.

The act of writing things down helps you slow down so you can analyze your thoughts.

Seeing words on the page also helps you recognize negative thoughts, or when you’re veering off track.

But specially made self-reflection journals also help you discover new parts of yourself. 

When we write or think freely, we often gravitate to the same questions or revisit stale problems. On the other hand, journals can provide us with a wide range of curated prompts to think about. 

Here are two that I personally love:

• Made out of Stars by Meera Lee Patel
• Practice You: A Journal by Elena Brower

Each page has a thought-provoking question and a beautiful design to inspire you. 

10. Follow-up with self-management 

How many times have you told yourself you will finally hit the gym, volunteer, or read more often?

We’re much better at thinking and planning than following through on those plans.

For example, you might realize you tend to talk too much in meetings. But you keep doing it again and again. You might believe you have too many important points to skip. Or you’re so used to your usual pattern that it feels uncomfortable to do things differently. 

But the whole point of reflecting on yourself is to move towards happiness and self-development. So if you discover key self-insight or get helpful feedback, follow through and self-manage. 

This is the conscious choice to resist a preference or habit. Instead, you choose more productive behavior. Self-management has four steps:

1. Be present. Pay attention to what is happening right now, not 15 minutes ago or your next meeting. In our example: “I’m focused on this conversation, really listening to everyone’s comments.”
2. Be self-aware. What are you seeing, hearing, feeling, doing, saying, and thinking? For example: “I notice I’m excited and eager to share my ideas. I also recognize many people in the room are trying to speak. I know I have a tendency to speak too often in meetings, which can stop others from participating.”
3. Identify a range of action choices. What do you want to do next? What are the possible consequences of each choice of action? What feedback have you gotten that might help you make a good choice? What are some alternative choices, even if they’re not what you usually do or want to do?  For example: “I could explain my ideas, ask a helpful question, invite others to share their ideas, or listen silently.”
4. Choose the most productive actions. What action will create the best outcome, even if it’s not the easiest action? For example: “I’m going to withhold my comments and instead listen to what others are saying. Even though I really want to share my ideas, I’ve been repeatedly told that I talk too much, and don’t give others a chance to contribute. If I listen now, I will finally be giving others that chance.”

11. Plan ahead

It can be tricky to turn self-reflection into tangible improvement in our lives. We’re creatures of habit, and bad habits can be hard to break. 

Our best safeguard against inaction is to plan ahead. 

First, identify where you want to self-manage. How do you typically operate, and where is your current approach not working as well as you’d like? 

Next, consider what’s driving your lack of self-management. Is it because you lack awareness at the moment, you want to look good, or you’re insecure? Understanding why we make our choices is crucial to changing them. 

Then come up with alternative choices in advance and your possible reactions to them. 

For example, if you talk too much in meetings, another option is to wait until someone else speaks before giving your opinion. Your reaction to this idea might be fear that someone else will make your point and you won’t get “credit” for it. Or that other people won’t have good ideas and thus a bad decision will be made. 

This will confirm why you struggle with self-management. It will also prepare you to work through these difficulties.

Finally, create a plan for concrete steps to take. For example, you can decide in advance how many times you will speak in a meeting and for how long. Or decide in which meetings you will only listen and not speak. 

Now all that’s left to do is practice and repeat the process. 

12. Avoid the trap of self-rumination 

Self-rumination feels a lot like self-reflection because you are in fact reflecting on yourself. But it doesn’t lead to any helpful insights or positive changes. Instead, it creates discomfort in the short term and lowers psychological well-being in the long term. 

Researchers define self-rumination as “a form of negative, chronic, and persistent self-focus that is motivated by perceived threats, losses, or injustices to the self and is associated with neuroticism and depression.”

In simpler terms, you’re self-ruminating if your thoughts:

1. Are constant or repetitive, without leading to any insight.
2. Relate to things that could hurt you, opportunities you’ve missed, or times you’ve been wronged.
3. Make you feel bad.

They are often about inconsequential mistakes or painful memories from long ago. For example:

• That embarrassing slip-up during a presentation three years ago.
• That joke that came out wrong during the first date that never panned out.
• That time when you fell in the middle of the dance performance and the audience laughed.

If you realize you’re self-ruminating, turn your attention to something in your surroundings. It could be the color of someone’s shirt, the noise in the background, or the feeling of the chair you’re sitting on. This will ground you back in reality and pull you out of your negative thoughts. Take a break if you need to, then use the 11 tips above to get back on track. 

If you struggle with self-rumination, consider practicing self-reflection with a licensed counselor who can guide you through it.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Now you know the benefits of self-reflection and 11 science-backed ways to reflect on yourself effectively. I hope this gives you the tools needed to make positive changes. Remember that everything in life is a continuous process. As you practice self-reflection, you’ll get better at it with each new self-discovery you make.

What do you think? Do you find happiness and self-awareness after you reflect on yourself? What’s your favorite tip from this article? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Silvia Adamyova Author

Born in Slovakia, raised in Canada. Online English teacher, editor, copywriter, and translator. You’ll find me holed up in a bookstore, typing in a cafe, or immersed in a philosophical debate.

The post 12 Tips to Effectively Reflect On Yourself (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi there! My name is Kage Burton. I am a welder in Utah and I build conveyor systems for companies around the world. I have been welding for 7 years now and I’d like to say I am getting pretty good at it!

I am also a ski instructor during the winters. There is nothing I love more than watching people when they finally start to understand skiing. It’s like watching someone discover what fun is. It’s really a neat experience.

While I do live in Utah now, Wyoming will always be home as that is where I spent the first 20 years of my life. I have a lot of fond memories growing up in Wyoming.

Wyoming has the smallest population out of any state in the United States, so when you’re a kid growing up in Wyoming, you kinda have to make the fun.

This took many shapes whether it be building four-wheelers with my K’nex, planning your next fort to build with your friends, or even sweeping all of the hay up in the top of the barn so you can open up a restaurant. (Yes me and my cousins did this and no we never opened the restaurant, we were like 8.) 

I am very fortunate to have a loving family that I grew up around. My family is very religious yet, I am not. I realized this when I graduated high school and quit going to church.

Being very worried about how this would affect my relationship with my father and the rest of my family, I can now say that I am extremely grateful for them. They have all accepted my life choices and let me be who I want to be, judgment-free. I will forever love them.

I moved to Utah in 2019 at the end of the year to pursue my career in welding. As you all know, 2020 is when COVID-19 hit and many people’s lives were affected. I was extremely lucky in the way things played out.

When I showed up to Utah I had 6 grand in savings and I managed to blow that in 2 months! But, in March, the school I was going to was forced to move all their classes online.

The story is actually pretty funny. I remember my late 70’s welding instructor telling the class, “All these colleges are going to online classes and they expect us to, but you can’t teach welding online!”

And then about a week later we were told that our course had been moved online. But, this was fortunate for me. I ended up taking a leave of absence in order to find a job and rebuild my savings.

Up to this point, I had never been out on my own so going out and living on my own was a very daunting task and I was quite frankly frightened. My town didn’t even have stoplights. The closest one to where I lived was half an hour north so I never went through that thing.

I don’t even think I had driven through a stoplight at this point. So moving to a town with stoplights at every intersection, that was a city to me, and I was terrified.

But now I’ve been living in Utah for three years. I have had so many wonderful and terrible experiences that have happened since. I’ve made friends and lost friends. Some of which have been with me from the start. I’ve learned to accept it though.

I live with my aunt and uncle right now where rent is so high. It’s a good place for me. It’s helped me to get out of my cocoon of sadness, cheered me up, and gave me the space to find the help that I need. So yeah, I am at one of the happiest points in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Well, I only really started taking my mental health seriously back in March. However, now looking back I can see that I have struggled with Anxiety and Depression my whole life.

As of one week ago, I can now add ADHD to the list of things I have always struggled with. Getting this ADHD diagnosis really adds depth to it all that I never could have seen. The lonely nights, the terrible performance, and the general lack of motivation.

As I said, I have been experiencing these things for as long as I can remember. When it comes to depression, I got very depressed when my first best friend replaced me with other more popular kids. This tore my poor little soul apart.

I remember crying many times, missing my dear friend and all the wonderful memories we had. Wanting so badly to be like the other kids so he would take me back. But he never did and I honestly can’t stand him anymore for what he did to me.

When I got into 5th grade, my teacher was not very nice to me due to me struggling with ADHD. This was extremely depressing and anxiety-inducing. I still don’t know how to longhand double digit divide because of this teacher. I genuinely did not understand the way she was teaching the concept.

But, after two or three attempts to ask for help, my teacher would yell at me and then send me into the hall crying. This destroyed my social reputation and self-esteem.

So the next year, in sixth grade, I was bullied relentlessly fueling the depression and anxiety I had already been experiencing. I wouldn’t participate with the class in games preferring to sit to the side and avoid all social interactions. Because I knew if I participated, I would just be subjecting myself to the put-downs of the popular girls.

Going into middle school, we see sadness arise from almost losing yet another best friend to the popular kids. This led me down the same road as before. Crying, fearing that my friend may move on and forget me and the relationship I had. So once again I tried to shift crowds with him.

This was almost my downfall. I started hanging out with a kid that happened to be a VERY BAD influence. Luckily this kid moved away after middle school and no longer played a part in my life after that. To give you an idea, this kid tried to rob a gun store after he moved. So yeah, glad I dodged that bullet.

Now I feel at this point, I should address ADHD and the effect it had upon me up to this point. In elementary school, my mother was always confused because I would read a book and then never test it. My reading grade was terrible because of this. She would take me in to take the test after school and I would score 100%. 

This eventually led to me losing my beloved dog in fifth grade. My dad says he told me if I didn’t get my reading grade up, he would get rid of Gage. I didn’t remember this probably due to ADHD and one day I came home after a long, depressing, anxiety-ridden day expecting to see my dog.

He was nowhere to be found. I asked my dad where he was and he just told me,” A snowmobiler from Montana came and picked him up.” I never got to say goodbye. Over the years we have had many dogs but Gage was my dog and I loved him.

I spent the rest of the night crying in my room missing my best friend. This wasn’t the only night that this had happened. In fact, I’ve been crying writing this because I still miss my friend.

ADHD continued to rule my life well into middle school and onwards. While teachers could keep my attention in class, the homework was about as boring as can be and it never got done. Thus, grades tanked and led to much disappointment.

A lot of teachers would see how smart I was when they were teaching something that I liked but they couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t do the work. This is about the time when every teacher began feeding me the depressing mantra,” You would do so much better if you would just apply yourself.”

I heard this from almost every teacher from this point till the end of my schooling career. I didn’t even know what that meant and it hurt. Because when you don’t know you have ADHD, this becomes an attack on one’s personal character.

So this became me. Someone who didn’t apply themselves. Someone who was lazy. And not someone who couldn’t do the hard work but someone who just wouldn’t. As if I had a choice in all the procrastinating and forgetting. When you have ADHD you don’t choose these things. They just happen.

I didn’t want to be 32 assignments behind in math. I didn’t want to barely graduate with a 2.1 GPA. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to my parents and teachers. It all just happened and there was no way for me to control any of it. But after so long you believe it all was your fault.

Eventually, I did graduate, launching me into the many struggles of holding a steady job. My first job I actually thrived at. This was working at a little retail store in town. Every day presented something new to deal with. The ADHD mind loves this.

Always something new to keep the mind entertained. From making shopping cart trains with the electric cart, to watching people get arrested for shoplifting. Every day was an adventure and I loved it.

A year later that place closed down and I found a job at the local Radioshack. Yes, you read that right. 2019, in a small town, run by a nearly 80-year-old man, Radioshack. It was as boring as it sounds and the only entertainment I got at that job was the 70-year-old man who worked there with me.

Other than that, there was no motivation to get anything done. My boss was always disappointed with me whenever he came around. And I almost made the store close down because it was losing so much money. But now I realize, that’s not entirely my fault. It’s a Radioshack in Wyoming. It was destined to fail.

After that wonderful experience I started my welding career by heading off to school. This required a lot out of me and it promptly started off with a panic attack in my mother’s shower at 8 in the morning when I should’ve been packing my car. My grandparents were eventually able to help me calm down and I did get moved.

I started school and this is when I met my first real girlfriend. If you don’t think that ADHD affects relationships, well, it does. I was completely infatuated with this girl for the first little while. I loved her and everything about her.

However as time went on, we grew distant as I wouldn’t be as excited by her or her interests anymore, and from her perspective, it looked as though the relationship had become about me.

She’s not wrong in looking at it this way. I wanted to do what I wanted to do because what she wanted to do didn’t interest me. I wanted to play my video games and she wanted to ride her horses. And after living together for a year and a half, she ripped my heart to pieces and moved 13 hours away to New Mexico.

I only had a week with her after finding out that she was doing this and it hit me like a truck. The day she told me, I had to leave and process what she’d said.

So, I went out to a field, laid in some dirt, stared at the sky, and cried for the next hour. She broke up with me about a month later and you could see in her text message that I had made the relationship about me. And now I know why.

Since then I’ve had two more relationships that never went anywhere because I lost interest in them. I still miss my ex and I don’t know when I’ll have another relationship like I had with her. This is single-handedly the most depressing thing I deal with. It’s about once a month I go into a depressive episode missing her.

And here we are now! Working my welding job and loving life! ADHD is always at work forgetting where my tape measure is or where I set my gloves. I make silly mistakes sometimes because I’m not paying attention and so I measure the wrong length or forget to change settings on machines.

The other day I had to grab some wrenches about 10ft away and within that distance, I forgot what I was doing and began eating Cheese-Its. I’ll pull out my phone to check the time and forget to check the time, opting to check my notifications instead. Every day is a struggle but, at least I can now see it for what it is!

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Having ADHD, depression, and anxiety is like having the dream team of “you’re gonna have a crappy day!” ADHD just makes the highs really high and the lows really low and the lows are just compounded by anxiety and depression.

When you’re in the highs it’s like hitting New Year’s all over again. You make all these wonderful resolutions/goals that you swear you are gonna follow through with.

Then a week to two weeks later, all that has gone to the wayside and you are right back to the habits you were so sure that you were going to conquer a few weeks before.

Once you slip back into those habits, the anxiety and depression hit like a truck. You’re anxious because you feel the need to stick to your goals but you can’t because your ADHD won’t let you. Then you get depressed because you feel like you will never be able to reach your goals.

The goals extend far and wide as well. It’s not as simple as I wanna lose 10 pounds. No, it’s more along the lines of I want to become a world-class bodybuilder.

As Peter Shankman says in his book Faster than Normal “When you have ADHD, there is no such thing as moderation.” So all the many hobbies that I have tried to start or thought would be fun. You find me thinking about what it would be like to be the best in the world.

Lately, my obsession has been singing. If you could look into my brain, you would not see someone starting a small YouTube channel to showcase new songs. Instead, I am thinking about who could be in my band and envision myself on big stages playing top songs.

A while back I really wanted to get into gem faceting (cutting gemstones). I have always had a fascination with rocks, so I thought it was right up my alley. Instantly I am thinking about cutting hundreds of thousand dollar stones and making beautiful works of art. However, this is an expensive hobby and the lack of funds eventually led to loss of interest.

Other hobbies I have dreamed about include Geology, Space Photography, Astrophysics, 3D Modeling, Mountain Biking, Freestyle Skiing, Park Skiing, War History, YouTube, Twitch, Video Game Development, Car Design, Vehicle Modding, Drawing, Music Production, Writing, Piano, Competitive Gaming, Videography, Social Media Marketing, Weight Lifting, Traveling, Self Help, Stoicism, Podcasting. I could list off so many more but I think you get the idea.

Eventually, you will try your hardest to stick to your newfound obsession but all the drive will be gone and it will actually feel sickening and depressing to even touch the hobby.

Then you start wondering, what’s wrong with you? Why can’t you follow through with anything? Can I even achieve my goals? And it all gets so very depressing.

You literally go from mentally planning your whole future out in your head to hating the very thing you were so excited about in a matter of two weeks.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Anxiety and depression have both gone down drastically since I moved and switched jobs. From the people that I know who have experienced depression or anxiety, there is often something in one’s environment that is causing the problem.

In my case, it was the job I was at where my boss expected way too much out of me for way too little. I soon realized this when it became obvious that he was lying about how we were performing in hopes of making us work harder. Spoiler, it had the opposite effect.

The anxiety had actually gotten so bad that back in March I had the worst panic attack of my life. It was work-induced and I was scared because my body legitimately locked up and I couldn’t move. Spooky!

However, when I went to the ER they prescribed me medication. As crazy as this may sound, I had no idea that they had medication for that! This was an eye-opening realization to me that this thing that you have had your whole life… Yeah that’s not normal.

So after having this major panic attack, I decided something needed to change. I was super depressed and I had started taking anxiety meds almost every day at work to keep the panic attacks at bay. So I started therapy!

Oftentimes males are super hesitant to open up to strangers about their feelings and what they’ve got going on in their life. Yet, I took the approach of I need the help and this person is here to help me and this was one of the best things I could’ve done. It took me only about a month with my therapist’s help to connect the dots to my terrible job.

This got me daydreaming at work about quitting and moving closer to my friends and boy did that excite me. Eventually, my boss pushed me over the edge and I pulled the trigger. I wrote my boss a letter telling him I was going to search for a new job. Instantly I felt better.

No longer did I have the ever-present pressure to give another 100% after giving 110% I ended up finding a job and moving and WOW my life is so much better. I haven’t taken anxiety meds since I left and I honestly don’t even think about them anymore.

Now, throughout therapy, there were some other things, aside from work, that came up in our discussions that were depressing me. Lack of motivation, inability to complete tasks, lack of goals, jumping from hobby to hobby. And every time I brought one up, my therapist would say, “That could be a symptom of ADHD.”

Up to this point, ADHD wasn’t something that I thought about. No, ADHD up to this point had just been something that my mother mentioned getting me tested for when I was a kid. After which I proceeded to start crying.

After all, I thought that if I got diagnosed with ADHD that meant I was stupid and disabled (I do not think this anymore). Why wouldn’t a kid start crying if that’s what they thought their mother said. So she never got me tested.

So, when I finally quit my job and moved south I made it my goal to get tested for ADHD and finally get an answer to some of my life’s most pressing questions.

I moved in April and it took me some time to finally get around to it. The thing that finally pushed me over the edge was the weekend of September 30th of this year. That weekend I was going to my first ever concert!

‘Falling in Reverse’ was opening for Avenged Sevenfold and I couldn’t be more excited. Falling in Reverse is one of my FAVORITE bands. I worked that Friday and as it is coming home from work on a Friday, I was exhausted.

I came home and took a nap, no big deal. Well after I had my nap, my girlfriend was gonna come over and my room was trashed. Gotta clean!

The very first thing I did was some laundry. I had gotten into the habit of leaving my wallet and keys in my pants so I wouldn’t lose them. Well, I cleared out my pockets. BIG MISTAKE!

I took my wallet along with a stack of papers and I put it all in my dresser drawer. My girlfriend comes over, we go to get snacks. No wallet. I begin ripping my bedroom apart! All that work I had done making my bedroom look nice, doesn’t even matter anymore.

Eventually, my girlfriend just said she’d buy the snacks and I calmed down. Besides, I’ll find it when I get back right? Wrong. Honestly, I forgot to look until about an hour before I was supposed to leave for the concert. I didn’t find it.

At this point, the anxious side of me is going nuts. Not only am I going to have to ask my friend to buy everything for me at the concert tonight, but I’m also going to have to cancel all my cards, get new ones, get a new driver’s license, get a new insurance card, and a whole host of other things. It’s worse when you have ADHD too because you never really know when you’ll get any of this done.

So Monday rolls around, but still no wallet. At this point, I am going through my head mentally drawing up everything that needs to be done to fix this. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I knew my wallet couldn’t be lost unless it was stolen or I dropped it somewhere. I finally called a mental health clinic and scheduled a test. Between the excessive fidgeting and the excessive loss of items at work, I was fed up and ready to find help. And me losing my wallet finally did it in.

Mind you, at this point, I had not found my wallet which means no insurance card. No insurance card means no coverage and thus yet another thing for me to worry about. I couldn’t care less at this point.

So after I had gotten home from work, my anxiety was running strong. Just that constant feeling that you are on edge and something bad’s coming your way. So later in the evening, I turned to my release, journaling.

But I haven’t been able to find my journal since well, Friday. Hmmm, maybe if I find my journal I’ll find my wallet. At that point, I remembered the stack of papers that I had and I thought maybe I had stuffed them into a drawer. I opened the drawer and sure enough, there’s my journal, and under my journal, THE EVASIVE WALLET!

Since then, I have been tested. I do have ADHD. I actually learned that just a few days ago and I couldn’t be happier. When you go 23 years with ADHD not knowing, the moment you start researching ADHD and the effects it has on people, your life changes. It really does!

I have always thought that I was normal. No different than everyone else. But I never questioned why I struggled so much more on the easy tasks than everyone else.

Through Middle School my grades were awful. Got called to the principal’s office so many times because of this. I was kicked off the middle school football team for poor grades. Never got to go on school ski trips which was really sad to me because my parents never took me skiing.

Going into High School. I was signed up for a jump start. I did fine in jump start. I actually quite enjoyed it but this was then followed by 4 years of disappointing my parents and teachers.

Failing in even the classes that I enjoyed, such as welding, robotics, engineering, and foods. I finished High School with a 2.1 GPA barely graduating.

My joke has always been,” I needed a D on that test in chemistry to graduate, and boy did I get that D!” But, now, I look back with sadness because, unlike most people who hated high school, I loved it!

Hanging out with friends all day, learning cool things about science, history, English, and participating in extracurricular activities. Why would I ever say I hated it or didn’t care? Because that’s just what I was told.

With ADHD there are always moments where it turns around for a while. My room was clean about a week ago. Now there is trash and clothes everywhere and it’s kinda just the way I am existing right now.

You’ll get these magical bursts of motivation that push you in the right direction but motivation is fleeting with ADHD and about a week or two later, it won’t matter how easy you’ve made it, you’ll stop doing whatever it was. This feeds into the depression.

However, I do feel like I am making progress as a diagnosis is a great step in the right direction. I am gathering the resources I need to help myself be more successful and it does feel good.

The diagnosis has most importantly helped me to realize what I am and what I am not. Because of this, the extreme self-degradation has gone down and I feel so much more free to embrace the silliness of it all.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

ASK FOR HELP! I cannot stress this enough. I would not be where I am now if it weren’t for the support group I have around me. I used to be so scared of asking for help, especially because of ADHD.

This is because when I was a kid, asking for help or asking questions was often met with degrading or hurtful comments. Couldn’t find something, Mother comes in finds it, and says “It would help if you open your eyes!”.

Didn’t understand what the teacher was teaching, “It’s super simple and you are just not paying attention!” Brain didn’t react to Dad’s question so I responded with,” What?” Dad responds,” Did I st st stutter?!”

All these things really add up and so you start to build a shell around you and think no one wants to help you. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized there are a lot of people out there whose only job is TO HELP YOU! 

I cannot tell you how excited I am that I can unabashedly ask for help. I am just plotting out all the help I can get all the time and it feels so awesome.

I’ve already got my therapist and I just recently added a psychiatrist to the roster. Imagine all the others I’ll add. ADHD Coaches… Career Consultants… All these wonderful people who are there to make my life more enjoyable are no longer behind this wall that I had put up.

I would also say, anyone who thinks they could be struggling with a mental illness, do some research. ADHD up until about a month ago was only a possibility in my head and I thought if I had it, it was probably only affecting me a little bit.

But as I listened to podcasts and browsed the ADHD subreddit, I slowly began to learn what it means to actually have ADHD. Eventually, I had the experience that most people with undiagnosed ADHD go through. The experience of understanding your whole life.

Mind you, this happened within a matter of two days, and from these two days, I actually came out scared that I wouldn’t get the diagnosis. So as you can see this shifted my entire worldview. I honestly think everyone should at least research mental disorders a little bit to at least understand what neurodivergent people go through.

Medication is also a big thing for me as well. By no means am I a professional but, data does suggest that medication is really beneficial to those with mental health disorders. The negative stipulation is something that has personally affected my family.

My sister actually has ADHD as well and we’ve known this from an early age. When she was diagnosed, she was put on Ritalin. This was around the time of the Columbine School Shooting where the assailant had been using a psychotropic drug leading up to the shooting.

Because of this, my mother had to listen to everyone questioning her for putting my sister on drugs. My mother had been trying to find the help she needed with my sister and up to this point doctors had told her that it was her just being a bad parent. Even going as far as to give her books on parenting.

She was eventually able to find a doctor who told her she wasn’t a bad parent and that her daughter had a 7-second attention span. After that, she was put on Ritalin and the doctor didn’t even believe it was the same child when she brought my sister back for a follow-up.

The medication was life-changing for my mother and from what I understand it’s the same with most people that struggle with ADHD.

Even when I got my anxiety medication I noticed a difference. Every time I knew it was going to be a rough day, I would take a pill, and everything would be ok.

Up to that point, my boss had to do any small thing to ruin my day and leave me anxious for the rest of the day. So the medication was a godsend.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes I have actually! I haven’t quite decided if this is a good thing yet. My reasoning for sharing this information is that it takes a lot of the mistakes I make off of my character. These people can then understand why I do the things I do and they can either accept it or deny it.

It no longer becomes my problem and I can continue to try to implement the systems that will help with a sort of shield from all the scrutiny. If they question me for asking for help or doing things a different way then I can simply turn to them and say,” I am asking for help/doing it this way because it is easier for me.

If you’d prefer I do things your way then just understand it will take longer or may never get done. Are you ok with that?” At that point, I have laid it out for them and they choose where it goes from there.

However, this has proven tough in certain aspects because, as mentioned in previous sections, no one knows what ADHD actually is and what we actually struggle with.

So when I tell my supervisor that due to my ADHD, I can’t do the inspection phase of a build, he just responds with,” Oh this doesn’t mean you can start using that as an excuse.”

Or when it comes to not cashing checks, my mom says,” Well this is your finances so this needs to take a bit more priority.” Little do they know, I have always struggled with the inspection phase and I can’t simply choose to prioritize one section of my life. I am simply trying to make the inspection phase easier and I will never do it if I spend too much time on one thing.

I think I’ll stick to telling people that I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. The biggest thing is just making sure to educate them as to why I’m doing what I do and making sure they understand.

At the end of the day, I am the one who is part of the 5% so, I can’t expect anyone to understand what it’s like to be me and it’s my job to make sure they understand.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You are not alone. It is easy to get used to living with a disorder for so long and you think everything is ok and normal. But when you find out you are not normal by neurotypical means, it can be a depressing feeling like no one understands.

I am here to tell you that is not the case. There are millions of people struggling with the same things that you are. As dumb as it may sound I know a lot of us have sat at our computers in our underwear when we should be getting dressed for the day.

This isn’t just my experience, I heard it in the book Faster than Normal. I was at work when I heard it and remember just saying out loud, “THATS ME! Wait… that’s scarily super close to me.” Why is it so accurate? Because we are all sharing the same experience! Yeah, that’s how closely our experiences are connected.

So when you’re struggling and feel like no one understands, know that I understand. I lose my keys on the bed. I forget what I’m doing walking into another room. My room is trashed. I buy stuff I don’t need. We all do!

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain: Peter Shankman has really figured his ADHD out and he offers a lot of good advice in this book.
• Hacking your ADHD: William Curb finds so many great guests who share their struggles with ADHD and how they’ve managed it and used it to their advantage.
• How to ADHD: – This channel has a lot of great advice when it comes to focusing on specific problems that come with ADHD.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

All I really have is YouTube and Twitch but heh, my ADHD makes it hard to stay regular. Check them out if you’d like. They are mostly just gaming content.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How an ADHD Diagnosis Helped Me Understand My Life and Turn It Around With Therapy appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m Tiffany McGee, spirituality and relationship expert, and founder of Nomadrs — a popular site focused on spirituality, relationships, mental wellness, and lifestyle.

I consider myself a digital nomad and my website is completely inspired by my nomadic experiences around the world. Currently, I’m enjoying the beautiful landscapes and rich culture of Georgia, where I’m based for a few weeks.

Professionally, I run Nomadrs, write and edit articles, and communicate daily with my team of writers from all corners of the globe. Besides, I constantly engage with a global community that shares my enthusiasm for travel, spirituality, and wellness.

On the personal front, I’m in a long-distance relationship with my partner who lives in Austria. The distance can be challenging, but it’s also a testament to the strength and depth of our connection.

Back in Vienna, I’m the proud owner of three adorable poodles. They’re my fluffy bundles of joy, and although I miss them while traveling, they’re in the best hands with my partner.

Speaking of happiness, yes, I do consider myself a happy person. This lifestyle, the people I meet, the places I see, and the work I do—all of it contributes to a sense of fulfillment and joy in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Two years ago, I received a diagnosis that reshaped my understanding of myself: major depression. Alongside depression, I also struggled with anxiety, burnout, and panic attacks, so it was sort of comorbid. 

The symptoms were diverse: feelings of sadness and hopelessness, physical exhaustion that didn’t improve with rest, and moments of intense, overwhelming anxiety that culminated in panic attacks. The problem was not only psychological – my hormones were out of balance as well.

Back then, I had a traditional 9-5 job. The stress from this job, coupled with a feeling that my life was just an endless cycle of work with no real fulfillment or balance, played a significant role in the onset of my depression. 

As time went on, these issues started to affect me more and more. Some days were slightly better and initially, I tried to brush them off as just stress or a temporary bad phase.

But as the months passed, it became clear that my condition deeply impacted my daily life, my work performance, and my relationships.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst, the struggle with depression made me feel like I was stuck in a deep, dark place. Happiness seemed far away, and I was always in a bad mood. I wasn’t even trying to hide it — I just didn’t fully understand how bad it was. 

My friends and partner could tell something was wrong, especially with my constant moodiness and my health issues, like irregular periods. It was a tough time where I felt disconnected from everything, not really aware of how much I was actually struggling.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Now I realize that I had that moment. Back then, when I was dealing with depression, everything seemed so blurred, like I was looking at my life through a foggy window. 

But the moment of clarity came unexpectedly. It was during a particularly tough week when I hadn’t left my small apartment for days, and my living space was cluttered with unwashed dishes and unopened emails. 

I was sitting on the floor and aimlessly scrolling through podcasts that I hoped would lift my mood. It was one of those podcasts that made me realize my body was screaming for help.

If I remember correctly, it was one of the episodes from Christina The Channel on Spotify about amenorrhea (It’s a pity I stopped journaling and didn’t even make any kinds of notes. I felt at my worst so I couldn’t see how these reflections could affect me in the future). Anyway, it wasn’t as widely known, but something about an episode on dealing with stress and anxiety resonated deeply with me. 

I can’t say that listening to these podcasts actually improved my condition. But this process was indeed important to push me towards finally receiving professional help.

This podcast episode made me realize that my body and mind were more connected than I had ever thought. And it was a wake-up call to take my health more seriously.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I completely changed my daily routine and the way I understood the concepts of “health” and “well-being”. I’d like to discuss the main steps I took that may inspire others who deal with the same problem:

1) My first step was engaging in online therapy, as leaving home felt too overwhelming. My therapist played a crucial role in guiding me through this journey.

She encouraged me to undergo medical checkups, which led to getting my hormone levels checked and eventually starting on medication. This medical intervention, combined with therapy, laid the foundation for my healing process.

2) My therapist suggested me to join her mindfulness meditation practices. I joined her sessions, which were conducted in a small community setting.

This experience was more than just learning to meditate — it was about connecting with others who were on similar paths and finding hope in shared experiences. Being part of this group helped me to stay committed to the practice and provided a sense of belonging.

3) I tried to continue what was once my hobby — journaling. However, I found it to be rather challenging — focusing on writing was difficult. As a solution, I opted for video journaling.

I would record myself talking about my progress and feelings. Most of these videos are hard for me to watch now. They often involved tears and intense self-reflection. But these recordings were sort of like catharsis, they helped me process and release pent-up emotions.

4) I made a promise to myself to prioritize self-care. This meant resting when needed, indulging in simple pleasures like watching childhood movies, and easing up on previously strict rules around food and exercise.

I realized that being too restrictive wasn’t helping my recovery. Allowing myself these small liberties played a huge role in my overall well-being.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I felt quite comfortable sharing my experiences with those close to me, particularly my partner and friends. They were aware of all the details of my struggle. I chose not to share anything about my mental health struggles with my parents, though.

They weren’t living in the same country as me, and I didn’t want to add to their worries or stress them out. At that time, it seemed like the right decision to keep them out of the loop to protect them. 

However, as time passed and I began to understand and manage my mental health better, I opened up to them. Now, they know everything about my experience. 

Today, I don’t have any reservations about sharing my experiences. In fact, I believe it’s important to be open about mental health struggles. Working in the wellness niche, I feel it’s part of my responsibility to set an example for my readers. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

If someone finds themselves in a situation similar to what I experienced, my advice would be to listen to your body, not just your mind. Often, our bodies give us the first signals that something isn’t right.

It can be symptoms like exhaustion, changes in appetite, or sleep disturbances. Just don’t ignore them — they are often the key to understanding and starting to address deeper issues.

There were times when I was hard on myself, thinking I should be able to ‘snap out of it.’ But mental health doesn’t work that way. It’s a journey that requires time, care, and often, professional support. That’s why you need to be gentle with yourself.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Masterclass “Developing Your Personal Power” from Ideapod’s co-founder Justin Brown — I took this masterclass in the middle of my headline process. The main idea of it is to understand the subconscious patterns that often hold us back.
  It helped me identify and break free from limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns that were deeply ingrained in my psyche. I think this resource might be one of the reasons why my perspective toward mental wellness changed for good.
• Rudá Iandê’s shamanic Breathwork exercise — In the beginning, I was pretty skeptical about relaxation techniques and exercises widely available on the internet. But somehow, this one did make a difference.
  The instructor of this course is a shaman, Rudá Iandê, whose methods are deeply rooted in ancient wisdom yet perfectly applicable to modern life challenges. The breathwork sessions were therapeutic to me. I have to admit that he has multiple other resources (I tried 3-4 of them) and they still inspire and guide me.
• Huberman Lab’s Podcast — I’m sure it’s a familiar podcast to anyone who’s into mental health podcasts on Spotify. Listening to this podcast helped me gain a scientific perspective on mental health issues, including depression and anxiety.
  The episodes provided me with insights into how our brains work, the impact of stress and hormones on our mental state, and practical, science-backed strategies for improving mental health. This knowledge still inspires my content and advice on Nomadrs.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You’re welcome to explore my website, Nomadrs, where you’ll find a range of blog posts focusing on mental wellness, spirituality, and the digital nomad lifestyle.

You can also connect with me on social media for more personal updates and daily inspirations. Here’s the Facebook page of Nomadrs.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I’d like to point out the importance of building a support network throughout my journey.

I believe that the role of a strong, understanding support system is invaluable, especially when you’re struggling with mental health issues. When you know that you have people who listen and provide encouragement, it can make a significant difference. 

My heartfelt advice to anyone feeling down or struggling is to reach out to someone. It could be a friend, a family member, a therapist, or even a support group.

Go ahead and simply share what you’re going through. Sometimes, just knowing that there is someone who listens and understands can bring immense relief and perspective.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Therapy and Medication Helped Me Overcome Depression, Anxiety and Burnout From Work appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

On the flip side, learning how to overcome self-sabotaging behavior can help you crush the barriers standing in between you and your dreams. And once you have learned how to avoid these behaviors, you start to realize how mastering your internal thoughts and behavior is the key to living a life that excites you.

If you’re ready to do the deep work of letting go of self-sabotaging behavior, then you’ve come to the right place. In this article, I will detail steps you can take to avoid self-sabotage and cultivate greater self-love and appreciation in its place.

Why do we self-sabotage?

If we all long to be happy and achieve our own personal definition of success, why do we get in our own way? It’s a fair question that often has a very personal answer.

There are many reasons we may self-sabotage, but one of the most common is that we actually fear success. A study in 2010 found that individuals who scored high on a scale measuring fear of success were far more likely to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.

Other research indicates that women, in particular, may self-sabotage secondary to low self-esteem and their assumed gender-biased roles in socialization.  

I find that I personally default to self-sabotaging behaviors to avoid my true feelings or when I’m afraid of change. It’s taken years of self-reflection and external help to understand this about myself, but learning what is at the root of my self-sabotaging behavior has actually been really freeing.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

The impact of the self-sabotage cycle

Self-sabotage has the potential to negatively influence many aspects of your life.

Research indicates that consistently engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors may make it difficult to maintain healthy and committed romantic relationships. Turns out the whole, “It’s not you, it’s me” saying is spot on after all.

And if you aren’t concerned about love, then it’s important to note that individuals who self-sabotage are less likely to succeed in academic environments, which can influence their overall career path and future life choices.

I don’t know about you, but I like the thought of having healthy relationships and being able to thrive academically. So it seems to me that it’s in our best interest to take a good hard look at our own behavior and stop self-sabotage in its tracks.

7 ways to stop self-sabotage

If you’re really ready to get out of your own way and put an end to self-sabotage, then these 7 steps are sure to get you there.

1. Identify the self-sabotaging behavior

It may sound silly, but in order to keep yourself from self-sabotaging you have to realize how you’re doing it in the first place.

I used to have a not-so-helpful habit of devouring half of my kitchen the second I got home from work. I always just thought I was really hungry after a hard day of honest work.

In reality, I realized that I was using food as a quick fix to get a dopamine hit instead of dealing with my stress in relation to work. I wanted the quick “feel good” emotion that food brings me. I didn’t even realize this until my life coach pointed it out.

Had I never realized that this was self-sabotaging behavior, I may have never been able to find healthier ways to cope with my stress and I would still be confused as to why I could never lose that last 5-10 pounds to achieve my “summer bod” goals.

Take the time to look at what is standing between you and your goals. More likely than not, this will reveal a less-than-helpful behavior that is a form of self-sabotage. Once the behavior is identified, you can begin to take steps to avoid it.

2. Find healthy behaviors to replace the self-sabotage

Once you know how you are self-sabotaging yourself, you have to find a healthier replacement behavior or mental cue that reminds you to not do the self-sabotaging action.

Let’s go back to my example of slamming down food the second I got home from work. Once I knew I was self-sabotaging my mental health and my health goals, I was able to figure out a few replacement options to deal with work-related stress.

Now when I get home, I do one of two things. One thing I do is I immediately exercise to get a healthier dopamine hit and process my feelings from the workday.

The other option I’ve come up with is calling my mom or husband on the way home from work to process the workday with the intention of discussing at least 3 good things that happened that day to alleviate overall stress.

As it turns out, it’s not so hard to lose weight when you don’t use food as a way to deal with your stress. Big shout out to my life coach for helping direct me to the right path on this one. My abs thank her, too!

3. Change your internal dialogue

Another critical way to stop self-sabotaging is to check on the conversations you have with yourself.

Are you constantly talking about your fear of success or failure in your own head? Or are you your own best cheerleader?

I remember I was up for a potential promotion at work and I kept telling myself I wasn’t worthy of the promotion. And guess what? They opened the floor for negotiation and because I had been talking myself down, I ended up missing out on an opportunity for a substantial pay raise.

I tend to learn lessons the hard way. But now when it comes to work or any other aspect of my life, I make it a point to hype myself up and focus on the best possible outcome.

Your thoughts are powerful. You may as well harness that power for your own good instead of your own detriment.

4. Identify what you’re really afraid of

Sometimes when we self-sabotage it’s because we fear success and what that would mean for our lives.

Another piece to the story of me not getting a deserved promotion was that I was afraid that if I got paid more than my colleagues they would resent me. I also was afraid that if I really did get the promotion, I might let my bosses down in a way that made them realize I wasn’t worth that pay grade.

This fear contributed to my negative self-talk and not getting the promotion. If I had taken the time to look at what I was really afraid of and address it objectively, the outcome could have been much different.

I am often able to figure this out on my own if I spend some time journaling about the situation and dumping all my thoughts onto paper, so I can see patterns and be brutally honest with myself.

5. Rethink your goals

Sometimes when we’re self-sabotaging it’s because the goal we’re working towards doesn’t actually mean anything to us.

I had a goal to do yoga 3 to 5 times a week to improve my flexibility, but every time it came time to leave for yoga class, I found an excuse for why I couldn’t go. After months of spending money on a class membership that I wasn’t using, I finally got real with myself.

While I care about my flexibility, I’d rather just do a few targeted stretches instead of 30 minutes to an hour’s worth of stretching. I was trying to force myself to do something that I inherently didn’t care about, so self-sabotage was just a natural reaction in accordance with that.

By reframing my goal to stretching for just 10 minutes after my workouts, I was able to actually achieve a goal that meant something to me and avoid self-sabotaging behavior.

6. Embrace discomfort

Often, self-sabotage stems from an innate desire to remain in our comfort zones, even when it’s detrimental to our growth. Embracing discomfort is about consciously deciding to undertake tasks that challenge your current skill set and push your boundaries.

This means saying ‘yes’ to opportunities that scare you slightly but promise growth and learning. It’s about understanding that discomfort is a temporary but necessary step towards achieving your goals. Instead of shying away from challenges, take them head-on. Reflect on what you can learn from each situation, and remember that growth is often found in discomfort.

In practice, this could mean volunteering for a challenging project at work or trying out a new hobby that intimidates you. The key is to start small and gradually increase the level of challenge. By doing so, you’ll slowly build your tolerance for discomfort and reduce the urge to retreat to old self-sabotaging habits.

7. Cultivate mindful awareness

Mindful awareness is about being fully present and engaged with the current moment without judgment. It’s about noticing your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they arise and recognizing them as temporary and not an absolute reflection of reality.

By cultivating mindful awareness, you become more adept at noticing when you’re about to engage in self-sabotaging behavior and can choose a more constructive path.

Start by incorporating short mindfulness practices into your daily routine. This can be as simple as a five-minute breathing exercise where you focus solely on your breath. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. As you become more comfortable with this practice, you can extend the time or include other mindfulness techniques, such as body scans or mindful walking.

The goal is to strengthen your ability to stay present and decrease the automaticity of self-sabotage. With time and practice, you’ll be able to catch yourself before falling into the trap of self-sabotage and redirect your actions towards more positive outcomes.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

You don’t have to stand in your own way when it comes to finding happiness and success. You can step aside and ditch self-sabotaging behaviors by using the tips outlined in this article. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll realize that once you get out of your own way life becomes a whole lot easier and that maybe you were your own roadblock to success all along.

Do you often find yourself self-sabotaging? What’s your favorite way to combat self-sabotaging? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Ashley Kaiser Author

Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. Self-proclaimed dark chocolate addict and full-time adrenaline junkie. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too.

The post 7 Ways to Break the Cycle of Self Sabotage appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Integrity is all about living according to your values and principles, even if it’s hard. Integrity isn’t something you achieve, but rather, something you consciously choose every day. When you know your values, they will act like a compass pointing you in the right direction. Communicating assertively and striving to always be honest with yourself and others will also help you live your life with integrity. 

In this article, I’ll take a look at what integrity is and what it consists of, and more importantly, some ways to live with integrity. 

What is integrity, anyway?

Integrity is something we like to see in leaders, politicians, teachers, and health professionals, as well as in our loved ones and in ourselves. But ask people to define “integrity” and you’ll likely run into hesitant attempts at trying to find the right words. 

Before reading on, I recommend trying to define what “integrity” means for you. If you have someone nearby, try asking them, too.

My own understanding of the word has been sullied by the research I’ve done for this article – which I will present shortly – but for me, “integrity” is best described in Frank Sinatra’s My Way. 

If you’re not familiar with the song, I recommend giving it a listen. In short, the lyrics tell the story of a man at the end of his life, reflecting on how he faced all of life’s joys and hardships his way – in other words, with unwavering integrity: 

For what is a man, what has he got

If not himself, then he has naught

Not to say the things that he truly feels

And not the words of someone who kneels

The record shows I took all the blows

And did it my way

My Way – Frank Sinatra

Many definitions of integrity have to do with having a strong internal moral compass and behaving according to your values and principles. It’s closely connected to ethics and morality and is considered a foundational moral virtue. 

Honesty is also often mentioned, especially in dictionary definitions. 

It’s also interesting to note that in my native Estonian, there’s no direct translation of the word “integrity” (which isn’t to say that we’re unfamiliar with the concept), but the word is most often translated as ausameelne and põhimõttekindel, meaning “honest” and “principled”. 

Chances are that your own definition also used similar keywords. 

There’s another great take on integrity that is often falsely attributed to author C. S. Lewis: “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”

This is a paraphrase of the following quote from comedian and motivational speaker Charles Marshall: 

Integrity is doing the right thing when you don’t have to—when no one else is looking or will ever know—when there will be no congratulations or recognition for having done so.”

Charles Marshall

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Values and morals and principles, oh my

In a way, integrity can be thought of as a compass that points you in the right direction, your own magnetic north. In this metaphor, values, morals, and principles are the needle of the compass aligning you with your north, not the north itself. 

It’s important to make this distinction because sometimes, we can treat integrity and values like goals or destinations. For example, we might say that we want to act with integrity. If we value acceptance, we might say that we want to achieve acceptance. 

Goals are good to have, but values aren’t goals. Therapist and coach Dr. Russ Harris writes:

Values are not about what you want to get or achieve; they are about how you want to behave or act on an ongoing basis; how you want to treat yourself, others, the world around you.

Russ Harris

The same goes for morals and principles: they aren’t something you achieve, they’re something you act on. You can’t become a moral person by doing immoral things in the name of the greater good; you are a moral person if you consciously choose to be one. 

It should go without saying that everyone’s values, morals, and principles are different. Even if our general definition of integrity is the same, our integrity won’t look the same. 

For example, some people make a point of being independent and never relying on anyone else, while others will build a group or a network to consolidate forces and achieve more through cooperation. 

And we haven’t even tapped into the numerous political or religious differences that are often inseparable from our values and principles. 

How to live with integrity

It’s not always easy to act with integrity, but that’s not the point: integrity isn’t doing what’s easy, it’s doing what’s right. If you’re looking to build your own compass, look no further: here are 6 tips on how to live with integrity. 

1. Find your values

It’s much easier to stand for what’s right if you know what you stand for. Integrity often starts from figuring out and defining your values. 

There are many ways to go about this. For example, you can simply try to brainstorm and write down behaviors and characteristics that you value in yourself and others. 

If you need a cheat sheet, I recommend the values handout from Dr Russ Harris or this one from Therapist Aid. 

The most important thing is to take as much time as you need and be completely honest with yourself. Keep in mind that values in different domains of life can sometimes contradict each other: you may value independence in your personal life and cooperation at work or vice versa. You may also find that your values don’t entirely align with those of your loved ones or role models. Don’t be discouraged if these things happen: you’re working out your own values, not someone else’s. 

2. Make conscious decisions

A large part of living with integrity is acting with intent. This means making conscious decisions in your relationships, career, or life in general. 

When we’re unsure of what path to take, we tend to postpone making the decision until the decision is made for us. This can apply to small, inconsequential decisions like where to have dinner (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone back and forth between two spots until one of them closes and I’m only left with one option) or to bigger, more important things like relationships. 

Small choices are a good place to practice conscious decision-making. Take the time to weigh your options and make the best choice you can with the information you have. In retrospect, it might turn out to be the “wrong” choice, but we can’t see the future.

Living with integrity means making choices that are yours, no matter how “right” or “wrong”. 

3. Strive to be honest with yourself and others

We’ve all told a white lie every now and then, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, it’s a conscious decision to preserve a loved one’s peace of mind, or sometimes we’re just trying to save our own skin. 

However, honesty is an integral part of integrity. This can mean telling your friend what you really think about their new haircut, being truthful with your spouse about the cost of your new gadget (and having a long think about your relationship if that’s something you can’t be truthful about), or owning up to your mistakes. 

It’s completely okay to still tell a little white lie when you need to, as long as you understand why it was necessary. But consider being honest first: it’s often easier to excuse your late arrival by blaming the traffic, but consider if admitting that you slept in would really be the end of the world you think it is. 

Things happen, people make mistakes and you’re no exception. And there’s nothing wrong with being honest about that. 

4. Be assertive

Integrity can mean standing up for yourself and asserting your needs or opinions. When you’re used to being passive, being assertive can feel aggressive. Similarly, when you’re used to aggressive communication, assertiveness can feel like submitting. 

Assertiveness is all about expressing yourself clearly and effectively while remaining respectful and non-judgemental of other people. It’s communicating your needs without disregarding the needs of others. Assertive communication is always based on mutual respect. 

A common way to practice assertive communication is to use “I” statements. For instance, instead of saying “You’re wrong”, say “I disagree”. 

A longer form of an “I” statement incorporates your feelings and thoughts without judging the other person. For example, instead of “You’re always late!”, use “I’m upset when you’re late because I don’t know if you’re going to make it. In the future, can you let me know when you’re going to be late, so I don’t worry so much?”

Here’s an entire article dedicated to how to be more assertive in your life.

5. Embrace continuous learning with a growth mindset

Integrity isn’t just about adhering to your values; it’s also about being open to growth and new perspectives.

Embrace continuous learning as a way to deepen and sometimes challenge your understanding of what it means to live with integrity. This might involve seeking out new experiences, reading broadly, or engaging in meaningful conversations. By committing to lifelong learning, you’re acknowledging that integrity involves an evolving understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Set aside time each week to engage with new ideas. This could be through books, documentaries, workshops, or discussions with individuals who inspire you. Reflect on how these insights might shape or reaffirm your values. Keep a journal of your reflections and how they might influence your actions moving forward.

6. Build a social network of integrity

Integrity is often seen as a personal virtue, but it gains tremendous strength when supported by a community. Engage with groups and networks that reflect the values you hold dear. This can reinforce your personal commitment to living with integrity and provide you with examples and role models.

Additionally, being part of a community can offer support when making difficult decisions that reflect your values.

Identify groups, clubs, or online communities that align with your values and actively participate in them. Offer your skills and time to community services or groups that uphold the principles you believe in. Regularly engage in community discussions and activities to keep your understanding of integrity dynamic and informed by diverse perspectives.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Integrity isn’t easy, because it’s not about doing what’s easy, it’s all about doing what’s right. However, when you make the conscious decision to live with honesty and integrity, you may find life easier to navigate, because you have your own internal compass of values and principles to guide you. 

What do you think? Do you live with integrity, or do you find it difficult to have your actions aligned with what you believe in? I’d love to continue this post in the comments below!

Maili Tirel Author

School psychologist, teacher and internet counselor from Estonia. Passionate about coffee, reading, dancing, and singing in the shower, much to the neighbors’ dismay. Counseling catchphrase: “It’s okay!“

The post 6 Ways to Live a Life With Integrity (and Why it Matters) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.