Firstly, it’s a good idea to acknowledge that a little insecurity is a good thing because it helps us stay motivated. However, insecurity is only good in moderation, and constantly feeling insecure or unsafe will not lead to a happy life.

In this article, I’ll take a look at why feeling secure is so important and more importantly, some tips on how to feel more secure.

Why it’s important to feel secure

As a child, I would spend my summers playing a version of hide-and-seek, where the objective was to rush from your hiding spot to the “home base” and yell “Free!” or “Safe!”. I can still vividly remember how good it felt to be “safe” after reaching the home base.

As an adult, I’ve found similar feelings of security and relief after successfully extending the lease of an apartment or solving a relationship-related problem. You probably have your own examples of uncertain times and how good it was to feel secure afterward.

Feeling secure is a basic human need

Feeling secure is a basic human need in several ways.

Firstly, there is physical security – we need to be protected from the elements and other dangers. But mental security is just as important – we need to feel that we belong and that we have control of our lives, that we are safe.

Being and feeling safe is the foundation of living a fulfilling life. If we’re not feeling safe, our thoughts and energy are directed toward finding safety and security.

For example, I’ve met children who have trouble doing their homework at home because of the unpredictable moods of an alcoholic parent, and it’s completely understandable – how are you supposed to focus on your math homework if you have to keep an eye out for your mom’s mood swings and whims?

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

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How insecurity causes negativity

On the other end of the spectrum, being insecure in yourself can also cause problems. In a relationship, an insecure partner may suppress their needs to serve those of their partner, or overcorrect and come across as overbearing and controlling.

That’s why feeling secure on all levels is so important. We can’t learn, develop, or even enjoy life if we aren’t safe physically or secure in both our relationships and in ourselves.

John Bowlby, the creator of attachment theory, writes in his 1988 book A Secure Base:

All of us, from the cradle to the grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figures.

John Bowlby

In practice, this means that children develop trust if they have a relationship with an attachment figure (usually a parent), who meets their needs and is emotionally available, someone whom children can turn to for comfort.

Just like in the hide-and-seek game, the attachment figure is a safe “home base” that children can return to after exploring.

But adults need secure bases, too. For most people, it’s their significant other who they can always turn to and who gives them encouragement to explore the world, but it can also be a friend.

My favorite example of a secure base in adulthood is the “work bestie” – that one coworker who’s fun during lunch break and has got your back when you’re preparing to ask for a raise.

What’s the purpose of feeling insecure?

With all that being said, it’s normal to feel a little insecure at times. Starting a new job or relationship, or moving to a new town are all big changes in life and it’s completely normal to feel a little wobbly.

It takes time to adapt to new surroundings and situations. I’ve recently switched up my sleep schedule and after two weeks, I still wake up scared that I have missed my alarm and unsure if I’ll make it to work in time.

Even if everything is going fine, you shouldn’t panic at the first sign of uncertainty. It’s completely normal to feel insecure sometimes, it’s just a part of the wonderful and varied experience of being a human. Additionally, sometimes happiness can be found outside of your bubble of security.

Insecurity is also important for self-honesty: nobody’s perfect and it’s often insecurity that drives self-improvement and growth. While not impossible, growth is highly unlikely if you think you’re already good enough at everything.

7 ways to feel more secure

While insecurity can be motivating, it’s completely understandable that people seek security, especially in uncertain times like these.

Unfortunately, there is no VPN for mental security, but there are ways to feel more secure.

1. Realize you’re not in it alone

In our insecure moments, we might feel like the world is against us and no one’s on our side. But that’s not true – there is always someone who’s there for you and you just have to reach out and find your secure base.

Maybe it’s your family or friends, maybe it’s your significant other. If your personal relationships do not feel secure right now, try seeking help from a counselor (face-to-face or online) or a support group, if you’re struggling with a specific problem that’s making you insecure.

Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side: remember, it’s completely normal to feel insecure at times. But be mindful of others, too – just like it’s your right to reach out, it’s their right to reject your request. That’s why it’s a good idea to have several supportive relationships.

2. Check your body language

Look confident and your mind will follow. This doesn’t mean that you have to put on your best suit or rock a full face of make-up – but if it makes you more confident, then go for it! Often, a change in posture is all it takes.

When we’re insecure, we tend to make ourselves smaller – we droop our shoulders, lower our heads and hunch our backs. Depending on your personality, your mannerisms might be quiet and meek or nervous and anxious.

I tend to do these things all the time. At work, I find myself hunched protectively over the keyboard as I type out a non-confrontational letter to confrontational parents. I wring my hands as I talk to some of the more intimidating teachers.

If you recognize yourself here – maybe you’re drooping your shoulders right now – I invite you to do the following:

1. Straighten your back.
2. Push back your shoulders.
3. Lift your chin and gaze straight ahead or make eye contact.

How does it feel? Try to change your posture every time you feel insecure. Not only will it make you feel more secure and confident, but it will make others believe it, too.

There’s science to back this up, too. A 2010 study found that power posing – adopting open, expansive poses that signal power – for only 1 minute decreased the stress hormone cortisol and increased feelings of power and tolerance for risk.

3. Do more of what you love

We love being good at something because it makes us feel accomplished and capable. When you’re feeling insecure about something in your life, it’s a good idea to remind yourself of the things you’re good at.

It doesn’t matter if you enjoy running, golf, knitting, or calligraphy. It’s important to have a regular hobby or pastime that makes you feel good about yourself and your skills. Just watching a movie or reading a book may be the ticket if you love it.

Trying out a new hobby is also a good way to develop and learn new skills and feel accomplished.

In this case, it’s important to remember that perfection takes time, and setting smaller goals is the key to success.

4. Be more optimistic

Often, insecurities arise from general negativity in our lives, like some sort of snowball: one thing goes wrong and the snowball is set in motion, gathering size and momentum as it rolls through your life.

Yes, multiple things can go wrong at the same time, but there are always things to be grateful for and optimistic about. Even if it’s just the basics, like having a roof over your head and food on the table, or trivial things, like finally getting to binge the new season of The Crown on Netflix.

Noticing the good things also helps to shine a light on the things that are under our control. Watching Netflix means that while you might not have control over your living situation right now, you have control over your entertainment.

Having a home means having your own safe space that you can decorate and fill with the things you love, even if there’s a global pandemic wreaking havoc outside.

5. Trust yourself

This probably isn’t the first time you feel insecure, and it won’t be the last. Sometimes, it’s useful to jog your memory and remind yourself how you beat insecurity the last time around.

If you can’t quite remember, that’s okay – trust yourself to handle this. You’ve got this. Think of the hard times you’ve been through.

One way to build trust in yourself is to try affirmations or positive statements about yourself. Some good trust-building affirmations are:

• I can do this!
• I am good enough.
• I’m going to make myself so proud.
• I will succeed today.
• I have the power to create change.

6. Develop a gratitude habit

Gratitude isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a powerful tool for fostering security. Start by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. This practice shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant.

For instance, appreciate a sunny day, a good meal, or a supportive friend. By regularly identifying things you’re grateful for, you cultivate a mindset that recognizes and appreciates the stability and goodness already present in your life.

To make this actionable, keep a gratitude journal. Each day, jot down three things you’re thankful for. These can range from significant achievements to simple pleasures. Over time, this habit not only enhances your sense of security but also improves overall well-being.

Remember, gratitude is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes in shaping your perception of security and happiness.

7. Strengthen your social connections

Feeling secure often stems from the relationships we have. Strong social connections provide a sense of belonging and support, crucial elements for feeling secure. Assess the quality of your current relationships and take steps to strengthen them. This might mean reaching out to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, or planning regular catch-ups with family members.

Moreover, don’t shy away from building new connections. Join clubs, groups, or online communities that align with your interests. Engaging in social activities not only expands your social circle but also reinforces your sense of identity and belonging.

Remember, it’s not the number of friends, but the quality of these relationships that count. Nurturing deep, meaningful connections can significantly enhance your feeling of security in an unpredictable world.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Wrapping up

Feeling secure is a basic human need, and while insecurity may have some benefits, security is the key to a happier life. It’s okay to feel insecure at times, but when it starts getting in the way of your happiness, it’s time to intervene. Security can be found in a positive mindset, looking confident, reaching out, and spending time on things you love. While not always easy, these are all worth a try.

What do you think? What’s your take on the importance of feeling secure? Have you ever felt unhappy due to a lack of security? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Maili Tirel Author

School psychologist, teacher and internet counselor from Estonia. Passionate about coffee, reading, dancing, and singing in the shower, much to the neighbors’ dismay. Counseling catchphrase: “It’s okay!“

The post 7 Ways to Be More Secure in Life (and Why This Matters!) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

On the flip side, learning how to overcome self-sabotaging behavior can help you crush the barriers standing in between you and your dreams. And once you have learned how to avoid these behaviors, you start to realize how mastering your internal thoughts and behavior is the key to living a life that excites you.

If you’re ready to do the deep work of letting go of self-sabotaging behavior, then you’ve come to the right place. In this article, I will detail steps you can take to avoid self-sabotage and cultivate greater self-love and appreciation in its place.

Why do we self-sabotage?

If we all long to be happy and achieve our own personal definition of success, why do we get in our own way? It’s a fair question that often has a very personal answer.

There are many reasons we may self-sabotage, but one of the most common is that we actually fear success. A study in 2010 found that individuals who scored high on a scale measuring fear of success were far more likely to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.

Other research indicates that women, in particular, may self-sabotage secondary to low self-esteem and their assumed gender-biased roles in socialization.  

I find that I personally default to self-sabotaging behaviors to avoid my true feelings or when I’m afraid of change. It’s taken years of self-reflection and external help to understand this about myself, but learning what is at the root of my self-sabotaging behavior has actually been really freeing.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

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The impact of the self-sabotage cycle

Self-sabotage has the potential to negatively influence many aspects of your life.

Research indicates that consistently engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors may make it difficult to maintain healthy and committed romantic relationships. Turns out the whole, “It’s not you, it’s me” saying is spot on after all.

And if you aren’t concerned about love, then it’s important to note that individuals who self-sabotage are less likely to succeed in academic environments, which can influence their overall career path and future life choices.

I don’t know about you, but I like the thought of having healthy relationships and being able to thrive academically. So it seems to me that it’s in our best interest to take a good hard look at our own behavior and stop self-sabotage in its tracks.

7 ways to stop self-sabotage

If you’re really ready to get out of your own way and put an end to self-sabotage, then these 7 steps are sure to get you there.

1. Identify the self-sabotaging behavior

It may sound silly, but in order to keep yourself from self-sabotaging you have to realize how you’re doing it in the first place.

I used to have a not-so-helpful habit of devouring half of my kitchen the second I got home from work. I always just thought I was really hungry after a hard day of honest work.

In reality, I realized that I was using food as a quick fix to get a dopamine hit instead of dealing with my stress in relation to work. I wanted the quick “feel good” emotion that food brings me. I didn’t even realize this until my life coach pointed it out.

Had I never realized that this was self-sabotaging behavior, I may have never been able to find healthier ways to cope with my stress and I would still be confused as to why I could never lose that last 5-10 pounds to achieve my “summer bod” goals.

Take the time to look at what is standing between you and your goals. More likely than not, this will reveal a less-than-helpful behavior that is a form of self-sabotage. Once the behavior is identified, you can begin to take steps to avoid it.

2. Find healthy behaviors to replace the self-sabotage

Once you know how you are self-sabotaging yourself, you have to find a healthier replacement behavior or mental cue that reminds you to not do the self-sabotaging action.

Let’s go back to my example of slamming down food the second I got home from work. Once I knew I was self-sabotaging my mental health and my health goals, I was able to figure out a few replacement options to deal with work-related stress.

Now when I get home, I do one of two things. One thing I do is I immediately exercise to get a healthier dopamine hit and process my feelings from the workday.

The other option I’ve come up with is calling my mom or husband on the way home from work to process the workday with the intention of discussing at least 3 good things that happened that day to alleviate overall stress.

As it turns out, it’s not so hard to lose weight when you don’t use food as a way to deal with your stress. Big shout out to my life coach for helping direct me to the right path on this one. My abs thank her, too!

3. Change your internal dialogue

Another critical way to stop self-sabotaging is to check on the conversations you have with yourself.

Are you constantly talking about your fear of success or failure in your own head? Or are you your own best cheerleader?

I remember I was up for a potential promotion at work and I kept telling myself I wasn’t worthy of the promotion. And guess what? They opened the floor for negotiation and because I had been talking myself down, I ended up missing out on an opportunity for a substantial pay raise.

I tend to learn lessons the hard way. But now when it comes to work or any other aspect of my life, I make it a point to hype myself up and focus on the best possible outcome.

Your thoughts are powerful. You may as well harness that power for your own good instead of your own detriment.

4. Identify what you’re really afraid of

Sometimes when we self-sabotage it’s because we fear success and what that would mean for our lives.

Another piece to the story of me not getting a deserved promotion was that I was afraid that if I got paid more than my colleagues they would resent me. I also was afraid that if I really did get the promotion, I might let my bosses down in a way that made them realize I wasn’t worth that pay grade.

This fear contributed to my negative self-talk and not getting the promotion. If I had taken the time to look at what I was really afraid of and address it objectively, the outcome could have been much different.

I am often able to figure this out on my own if I spend some time journaling about the situation and dumping all my thoughts onto paper, so I can see patterns and be brutally honest with myself.

5. Rethink your goals

Sometimes when we’re self-sabotaging it’s because the goal we’re working towards doesn’t actually mean anything to us.

I had a goal to do yoga 3 to 5 times a week to improve my flexibility, but every time it came time to leave for yoga class, I found an excuse for why I couldn’t go. After months of spending money on a class membership that I wasn’t using, I finally got real with myself.

While I care about my flexibility, I’d rather just do a few targeted stretches instead of 30 minutes to an hour’s worth of stretching. I was trying to force myself to do something that I inherently didn’t care about, so self-sabotage was just a natural reaction in accordance with that.

By reframing my goal to stretching for just 10 minutes after my workouts, I was able to actually achieve a goal that meant something to me and avoid self-sabotaging behavior.

6. Embrace discomfort

Often, self-sabotage stems from an innate desire to remain in our comfort zones, even when it’s detrimental to our growth. Embracing discomfort is about consciously deciding to undertake tasks that challenge your current skill set and push your boundaries.

This means saying ‘yes’ to opportunities that scare you slightly but promise growth and learning. It’s about understanding that discomfort is a temporary but necessary step towards achieving your goals. Instead of shying away from challenges, take them head-on. Reflect on what you can learn from each situation, and remember that growth is often found in discomfort.

In practice, this could mean volunteering for a challenging project at work or trying out a new hobby that intimidates you. The key is to start small and gradually increase the level of challenge. By doing so, you’ll slowly build your tolerance for discomfort and reduce the urge to retreat to old self-sabotaging habits.

7. Cultivate mindful awareness

Mindful awareness is about being fully present and engaged with the current moment without judgment. It’s about noticing your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they arise and recognizing them as temporary and not an absolute reflection of reality.

By cultivating mindful awareness, you become more adept at noticing when you’re about to engage in self-sabotaging behavior and can choose a more constructive path.

Start by incorporating short mindfulness practices into your daily routine. This can be as simple as a five-minute breathing exercise where you focus solely on your breath. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. As you become more comfortable with this practice, you can extend the time or include other mindfulness techniques, such as body scans or mindful walking.

The goal is to strengthen your ability to stay present and decrease the automaticity of self-sabotage. With time and practice, you’ll be able to catch yourself before falling into the trap of self-sabotage and redirect your actions towards more positive outcomes.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Wrapping up

You don’t have to stand in your own way when it comes to finding happiness and success. You can step aside and ditch self-sabotaging behaviors by using the tips outlined in this article. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll realize that once you get out of your own way life becomes a whole lot easier and that maybe you were your own roadblock to success all along.

Do you often find yourself self-sabotaging? What’s your favorite way to combat self-sabotaging? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Ashley Kaiser Author

Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. Self-proclaimed dark chocolate addict and full-time adrenaline junkie. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too.

The post 7 Ways to Break the Cycle of Self Sabotage appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

By not getting offended so easily, you minimize your own stress levels and open yourself up to the world of personal growth. And when you truly embrace letting things slide off your shoulders, you come to better understand yourself and others to help all relationships in your life thrive.

This article will teach you how to turn down the volume on your instinctive offended reaction so you can grow as an individual and in your relationships.

Why do we get offended?

Why can’t we all just get along and have world peace? Sounds great, am I right?

I wish it was that simple. But the reality of human nature is that we don’t like it when our ego is threatened or when someone goes against our personal values.

Research has found that we tend to get offended when our self-image or a public image that is important to us is being challenged. It also suggests that a high sense of self-esteem may in part mediate these effects and help us feel less offended.

In other words, we don’t like it when people question who we are or question an organization that we strongly believe in. I think this is in part because our ego likes to feel “right” or “in charge”.

You don’t have to be a scientist to experience this. All you have to do is start talking politics with a friend or family member who doesn’t hold the same opinion as you to see this in action.

Within moments, you will find that you can offend that person because you have challenged their personal beliefs or a politician who they hold in high regard.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What happens when you’re easily offended?

You may think that being easily offended has no consequences other than making you mad. Unfortunately, the research suggests otherwise.

A study in 2020 found that individuals who were more easily offended demonstrated poorer task performance at work and had more negative attitudes as perceived by their supervisor. This generally resulted in fewer healthy relationships between the worker and their supervisor.

As a human who used to err on the side of being easily offended before entering the medical profession, I can attest that it strongly influences stress and anxiety.

I remember I used to get worked up when someone would say something negative about me. Or I would get self-conscious when someone would speak negatively about my chosen profession.

All this ever did was leave me feeling a lack of self-worth or engaging in negative emotions that drained my energy.

It wasn’t until I got better at letting things go and valuing myself that I realized that 9 times out of 10 being offended really just isn’t worth it for your own well-being.

8 ways to not get offended easily

These 8 tips are here to help you learn how to gracefully navigate that offensive moment so you can allow yourself to let it just slide right off your shoulders.

1. Identify why it is that you’re offended

This is probably the most important tip of all. If someone offends you, it’s probably telling you something about yourself.

This matters because you need to identify if getting offended is your cue to work on a problem you have with yourself.

I remember when I was a new grad, one of my coworkers told me I was “too nice”. They said that’s why people felt like they could walk all over me.

Immediately, I felt offended and thought something immature along the lines of, “Well maybe” you’re too mean and that’s why your patients complain!”.

Luckily, instead of going with my inner two-year-old response, I reflected for a moment.

When I realized that I was getting offended because I knew at some level it was true. There are moments when I let a patient’s wants and desires trump what I know they need during a treatment session.

Once I realized this, I felt less offended. I then realized this was my cue to work on clear communication with my patients while setting healthy boundaries so they did not walk all over me.  

2. Differentiate constructive criticism from true rudeness

It’s important to realize that not everyone is out to offend you. Sometimes a person is just trying to give you constructive criticism and you are choosing to be offended.

When your boss gives you negative feedback about a work-related task or if your partner tells you that you’re really bad at texting them back, they probably aren’t doing so with the intent of making you mad.

Now, remember, I’m not saying it’s easy to not get offended by these things. I’m saying that you need to recognize that they are giving you feedback with the hope that you’ll take it into consideration and change your behavior.

This is not to say that there are not times in life when someone isn’t just plain rude. But take the time to differentiate if the person is attempting to give you meaningful feedback or not.

That simple differentiation can make all the difference when it comes to avoiding getting offended.  

3. Take a minute

If you immediately feel your blood boiling after someone says or does something, odds are you should not react right at that moment.

Your immediate reaction will most likely reflect that you are offended. At that moment, you will rarely be your “best self”.

You can literally step away physically or you can internally countdown from 60. I tend to force myself to take at least 5 deep breaths.

By doing this, you interrupt your reaction long enough to decide how you would like to react.

You’d be surprised that within those moments you can often realize that whatever you were getting offended by probably isn’t worth your time and energy.

4. Remember that no one is perfect

I think a universal truth that we have to remember when it comes to getting offended is that none of us are perfect. Humans make mistakes and sometimes they are super messy.

I’m sure you can recall a time when you said something and you knew the second that it came out of your mouth you regretted it.

Or maybe you acted in a way that offended someone and had absolutely zero clue that what you were doing was offensive until they told you later.

When you remember that we all make mistakes, it’s easier to let things go when someone does something that bothers you.

Remember your own imperfection the next time someone offends you and I bet you’ll let it go so much faster.  

5. Embrace diversity

Sometimes when we’re offended, we’re closing ourselves off to the idea that there are other ways of viewing the world.

I find this particularly comes into play for me when it comes to religion or politics. Like most folks, I have my own set of strong beliefs that have served me well over the years.

When someone comes out and says something that directly contradicts my views, I inherently want to tell them that they are wrong. I want to explain the crap out of why my way is the best way.

But by doing this, I’m not acknowledging that my views and perception of the world are not the only way of seeing things.

Having become good friends with people who think differently and come from a variety of religious backgrounds, I’ve come to appreciate that I won’t always agree with someone.

Even views and opinions that are distinctly different from my own teach me something or help me better understand myself when I choose not to be immediately offended by them.

6. Be willing to listen

My personal favorite tip for not being so easily offended is to be willing to listen to the person who has offended you.

When you listen instead of closing yourself off because of a person’s words or actions, you might gain insight into why they said or behaved in the way they did.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine said something about how people who have debt don’t know how to work hard while they are in college.

As someone who has debt from graduate school, I naturally found this offensive as I believe I worked hard in grad school despite having debt.

Instead of telling this friend to go stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, I decided to listen. After a few minutes, I came to realize that he worked 3 jobs to support his family while going to school full-time to get his bachelor’s degree.

No one is going to argue that it was hard work and respect that he is debt-free because of that. After acknowledging my respect for his path, I was able to gracefully communicate how a medical graduate program is already 40 hours a week in the classroom without including the study time outside of class in order to pass.

Instead of either of us getting offended and leaving the conversation mad, we both came to understand each other’s points of view. This allowed us to respectfully conclude that every person gets to choose how they pursue funding for their education.

7. Consider the other side

Before taking offense, pause to consider the other person’s point of view. Misunderstandings often occur because of different backgrounds and communication styles. Reflect on whether the comment was intended to hurt, or if it’s a result of differing perspectives. This doesn’t justify rudeness but understanding intent can prevent unnecessary hurt.

When you feel offended, instead of reacting, ask the person to explain their point of view. Listen without interrupting. This can provide clarity and sometimes, a chance for the other person to realize their words may have been hurtful, paving the way for a constructive conversation.

8. Proactively communicate boundaries

Make it known what you consider offensive by setting clear boundaries beforehand. This preventive strategy helps others understand your limits and reduces the likelihood of disrespectful encounters. It’s about creating a mutual respect that acknowledges your comfort zones.

Think about what upsets you and communicate these boundaries to others respectfully. For instance, say, “I find jokes on certain topics uncomfortable, I’d appreciate if we avoid those.” This approach helps manage your emotional space and encourages others to be considerate of your feelings.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

It sure is easier to let yourself get worked up and flip the bird when someone offends you. But by using the tips from this article, you can save yourself the wasted energy of getting offended and put that energy towards improving yourself. And by unlearning the natural art of getting easily offended, you’re sure to make far more friends than enemies.

Do you recognize yourself in some of the examples in this article? Do find it hard to not be offended? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Ashley Kaiser Author

Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. Self-proclaimed dark chocolate addict and full-time adrenaline junkie. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too.

The post 8 Tips to Not Get Offended Easily (And Why It’s so Important!) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

You may be surprised to hear that this is actually possible. While a part of your character is obviously determined by your genes, it’s also a known fact that your brain has the ability to form new connections between neurons. This is called “neuroplasticity” and it’s exactly the reason why you can actually change your pessimistic nature by introducing more positive habits in your life.

In this article, I want to share some of the science that can support your transformation from pessimist to optimist, while also covering tactics that can help you along the way.

What is neuroplasticity in a nutshell?

If you wonder why you are pessimistic, or how to stop being a pessimist, you need to know about neuroplasticity.

According to Professor Joyce Shaffer, neuroplasticity can be summarized as:

The natural tendency of the brain architecture to shift in negative or positive directions in response to intrinsic and extrinsic influences.

Joyce Shaffer

In other words, our brains aren’t passive information-processing machines, but rather complex systems that are always changing based on our life experiences. Humans are highly adaptable to a wide range of situations and it’s all thanks to neuroplasticity.

Think of a time when you have learned something new. By learning to solve quadratic equations or play the guitar, you have forced your brain to create new connections between tens of thousands – if not millions – of neurons.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

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What causes someone to be a pessimist?

So why are you so pessimistic? Why do some people see things more negatively than others?

There’s a fascinating research paper called the neural basis of optimism and pessimism. This paper explains how pessimism likely found its roots in our evolution, back when humans were just a small part of the food chain. In other words, back when we were still hunted by saber-tooth tigers.

Being pessimistic made us more anxious about the many dangers that surrounded our caves, and therefore, made us more likely to survive.

The research paper states that our pessimistic nature is determined by the right hemisphere of our brains. Optimism, on the other hand, is regulated in the left hemisphere of our brain. Depending on who you are, the balance between the two determines whether you generally hold a positive or negative outlook on life.

Can you really stop being a pessimist?

While some of our character traits are part of who we are, this doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do about your pessimistic nature.

In fact, if you’re pessimistic, there’s a big chance that’s the result of your past experiences.

When you’ve grown up with traumas, negative experiences, and crushed expectations, your brain naturally puts more trust into the right hemisphere of the brain (the negative side).

This would be a result of neuroplasticity. Your brain adapts to your life’s circumstances, to make itself more efficient at handling future challenges.

A famous study from 2000 showed that London taxi drivers, who had to memorize the complicated and labyrinthine map of the city, had a larger hippocampus than the control group. The hippocampus is a part of the brain that’s involved in spatial memory, so it makes sense that it was more developed in taxi drivers, who had to navigate from memory.

Here’s an even more drastic example: 

A 2013 article describes a young man known as EB, who has learned to live with only the right half of his brain after a tumor surgery in childhood. Brain functions related to language are usually localized in the left hemisphere, but it seems that in EB’s case, the right hemisphere has taken over these functions, allowing EB to have almost full command over language.

The effects of neuroplasticity aren’t only limited to new skills, though. Our neural connections determine how we see the world. If we’re used to focusing on the negatives, we will notice them faster. If we’re used to finding problems, we’ll find more problems instead of solutions.

With that said, the principle of neuroplasticity also allows us to stop being pessimistic, by simply focusing more on being an optimist.

Later in this article, I’ll show you the best ways to actually go about this.

How can pessimism be bad for you?

Thousands of years ago, being a pessimist would have made you more likely to survive. However, that benefit has faded to the point where being pessimistic is mostly negative.

Studies have shown that negative thinking and pessimism lead to:

• More stress.
• Excessive rumination and worrying.
• Anxiety.
• Depression.

But it’s not just your own mental health that you should worry about.

It’s been studied over and over again that the way we feel and express ourselves can influence the mood of those around us too.

In a study published in the British Medical Journal, scientists have found that happiness can effectively spread through your social ties such as your friends, family, and neighbors.

If you’re spreading negativity when you engage with others – without being aware of it – you may risk losing some of your friends. Especially when more and more people become aware of how they are influenced by the mood of others.

When you consider the most extreme case of pessimism, you’ll quickly realize how damaging pessimism can be. People who are completely pessimistic are generally finding it hard to see any sign of improvement down the line. This can lead to suicidal tendencies in extreme cases.

This study has found that severe pessimism can actually predict future suicidal tendencies.

Why being an optimist is beneficial

One of the many benefits is that positive thinking enhances your problem-solving abilities.

This point was confirmed in a fun study by Barbara Frederickson. The study found that a positive mindset can be triggered, and more importantly, that a positive mindset initiates more creativity and an urge to “play ball”.

Basically, when you have a positive mindset, you’re better able to deal with the challenges that life throws at you.

9 ways to stop being a pessimist

So how do you actually stop being a pessimist? What can you do to condition your brain to think more positively?

Here are some tips that may seem simple at first glance. But if you can turn these tips into habits, then they have the power to have a lasting effect on how your brain works.

1. Prioritize the physical fundamentals

If you don´t have time to sleep a healthy amount of hours, eat properly, and get sufficient exercise, then you need to reprioritize. If you don´t do this it will be much harder to become and stay positive.

• Sleep deprivation is linked to many negative side effects, amongst which depression, diabetes, and heart disease.
• An unhealthy diet is linked to a higher likelihood of depression.
• A lack of exercise may lead to severe chronic illnesses.

If you were looking for a simple tip to stop being a pessimist, you may be disappointed. If you don’t have your physical fundamentals in order, you’ll be far less likely to develop and hold on to a positive state of mind.

But if you do manage to take care of your physique, your general sense of well-being will increase, and you will feel stronger and have more energy. As a result, you’ll find it easier to stop being pessimistic.

2. Check and change your self-talk

How do you talk to other people you respect? Respectfully, I would imagine. But how do you talk to yourself?

If the answer isn’t “respectfully”, then you might need to change your tone. Look out for overly critical self-talk, or any insults you might be throwing at yourself. 

When you catch yourself in the act of being overly pessimistic about your own capabilities, try talking to yourself the way you talk to your friends, loved ones, or any respected figure in your life. Is your self-criticism constructive? Are you being kind and sincere? Is the negative self-talk helping in any way?

If the answer is no, then you need to catch your negative self-talk and change it into something positive. Tell yourself that you are good enough. And that you deserve to be happy. This is the sort of support, encouragement, and love that you should show yourself.

Nobody’s stopping you from talking positively about yourself, so why should you?

3. Try to surround yourself with optimists rather than pessimists

If you identify yourself as a pessimist, then that’s likely caused by your past experiences. Maybe your parents are complete pessimists or even narcissistic. Or perhaps you feel stuck in a job that neither you nor your colleagues like.

In that case, you want to limit your “exposure” to the negativity of your surroundings. Compare it to drying off after you’ve showered. You’ll have a hard time getting yourself dry if you don’t remove yourself from the shower cabin.

While this may be the stupidest analogy you’ve ever heard, there is actual research backing this up. There’s a well-known phenomenon that explains why we have the tendency to copy the mood of the room we’re in, and it’s called “groupthink“.

In short, this cognitive bias explains how humans are more likely to agree with whatever the larger group agrees on. In other words, we often forget to think for ourselves, and instead just go with the flow. If the people you surround yourself with are negative pessimists, then you’re much more likely to be one yourself as well.

The easiest way to actually deal with this issue is to avoid other pessimists.

It may sound harsh, but in some cases, this is the best thing that you can do. Even though you may care about the people that are negative and you want to be a good friend, it sometimes is best to just step away for a while. You want to limit your exposure to negativity as much as possible.

You need to focus on yourself more before you can worry about others.

4. Try to talk about solutions, not problems

Another simple way to turn your pessimistic nature into something positive is to talk about solutions instead of problems.

When you deal with challenges as a pessimist, you’re likely to only acknowledge the challenges.

A pessimist sees the negatives or the difficulty in every opportunity whereas an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Winston Churchill

Changing your natural thought process is obviously easier said than done. But if you do catch yourself thinking like a pessimist, try to consciously make an effort to think positively about your challenges.

Instead of indulging in your pessimistic negativity, try to counter every problem with a potential solution. By doing so, you’re able to naturally guide your internal conversation from a negative topic of challenges and risks to a positive one filled with opportunities.

5. Write about your wins

As soon as you made an effort to think positively about something, you should try to write about it.

For example, imagine you’re in a meeting with your team and you find the input of all your colleagues to be worthless. If you catch yourself before expressing your pessimistic comments, you can try to focus on the positives. Instead, maybe share with your colleagues how thinking outside the box is great, and give constructive feedback to keep the discussion moving towards a solution.

This would be a big win if you’re trying to stop being a pessimist.

The next best thing you can do is to write about it in a journal of some sort. This may sound silly, but hear me out. Just open a text file on your laptop or smartphone and explain to yourself how you handled the situation.

This comes with a couple of benefits:

• It allows you to become more self-aware about your transformation from a pessimist to an optimist.
• By writing down what happened, you’ll be more likely to recognize future occasions where you can repeat the same cycle. As a result, you can prevent yourself from sharing pessimistic thoughts.
• You’ll have something to look back on. Comparing yourself to others is often considered a bad idea. But comparing yourself to your former self is one of the best ways to feel more proud of yourself and accept yourself for who you are.

Over time, you may be able to see how neuroplasticity allows you to transform from a pessimist into an optimist.

6. Don’t let past experiences distort your view of the future

Living in the past is generally not a good idea. Yet, a lot of people have difficulties putting the past behind them and start living in the now. This is especially true for people who’ve been hurt in the past

An old Chinese legendary figure named Lao Tzu is often referenced for the following quote:

If you are depressed, you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future.

Lao Tzu

Pessimistic people are often letting themselves suffer from things that happened in the past. As a result, they find it more difficult to enjoy the present and to be positive about the future.

Our tips to stop living in the past?

• Grab a piece of paper, write a date on it, and start writing down the reasons why you’re stuck in the past. Ask yourself why you’re finding it hard to stop regretting the past or worrying about the things that happened years ago. Then try to answer them as thoroughly as you can.
• A part of living in the present is being able to say “it is what it is”. One of the best lessons you can learn in life is recognizing what you can change and what you can’t. If something is not within your circle of influence, why would you allow that thing to influence your current state of mind?
• People on their deathbed don’t generally regret making wrong decisions. No! They regret not making any decision at all! Don’t allow regret to enter your life by not making decisions.

We wrote more in-depth about how to stop living in the past in this article.

7. Don’t give up after a bad day

We are only human, so we’re bound to experience a bad day every once in a while. It’s important to realize that everybody occasionally experiences a string of bad days in their life. What you need to do when this inevitably happens:

• Don’t let such a thing set you back.
• Don’t interpret it as a failure.
• Most importantly, don’t let it stop you from trying again tomorrow.

As Michael Jordan said:

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

Michael Jordan

Even the biggest optimist in the world can sometimes be a negative pessimist. So who cares if you have a bad day? As long as you’re aware of your own actions, you can learn from your experiences and move on.

8. Cultivate a gratitude mindset

Developing a gratitude mindset is a transformative step towards shedding pessimism.

Begin by dedicating a few minutes each day to reflect on things you’re thankful for. This could be as simple as appreciating a peaceful morning, the smile from a stranger, or the comfort of your home.

Keeping a gratitude journal where you jot down these moments can significantly amplify this effect. The act of writing reinforces these positive thoughts, gradually shifting your focus from negative to positive aspects of your life.

Another practical approach is to express your gratitude outwardly. Make it a weekly goal to express your gratitude to someone who has positively impacted your life. This could be through a thoughtful message, a small token of appreciation, or a simple yet sincere verbal ‘thank you.’ This practice not only boosts your mood but also strengthens your relationships, creating a positive environment that nurtures optimism.

9. Implement positive visualization techniques

Positive visualization is a potent strategy for fostering an optimistic mindset. Allocate a few quiet moments each day to vividly imagine positive scenarios in your life.

Picture yourself achieving your goals, enjoying small pleasures, and handling challenges with confidence and grace. The more detailed and clear your visualization, the more effective it will be.

To enhance this practice, integrate affirmations into your visualization routine. Affirmations are positive, empowering statements that align with the outcomes you visualize. For instance, if you’re visualizing success in a personal project, use affirmations like, “I am skilled and successful in my endeavors.”

This combination of positive visualization and affirmations can significantly shift your perspective, steering you towards a more optimistic and resilient approach to life.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Wrapping up

Our brains are able to adapt to our circumstances, which is a process called neuroplasticity. This phenomenon allows us to actually stop being a pessimist and slowly become an optimist by practicing good habits.

Have you recently been called a pessimist? Do you ever wish you were more optimistic about the future? Or did I miss an interesting tip you would like to share? Please let me know in the comments below!

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Here’s Why You’re a Pessimist (9 Ways to Stop Being Pessimistic) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Learning to recognize the difference between healthy personal responsibility and unhealthy self-blame is crucial for your well-being. Not everything is your fault, but you are more susceptible to depressive emotions when you live like it is. 

This article will discuss blame and the impact of blaming yourself. We will also provide 9 actionable tips to help you stop blaming yourself. 

What is self-blame?

When we appoint blame, we point the finger as to who we think is responsible for a negative outcome.

We use our judgment to decide who is at fault and place the responsibility for any wrongdoing at their feet. 

When we blame others, we simultaneously release our frustration and protect ourselves.

But what happens when we blame ourselves? 

Self-blame is when we take more than our fair share of responsibility and blame ourselves for every mishap, regardless of whether it is our fault.

This study examines parents’ propensity to self-blame for their teenage children’s mental health diagnoses. The researchers found that self-blame is correlated with lower psychological well-being.

How is self-blame harmful?  

We hold ourselves down when we blame ourselves for situations or circumstances that are beyond our control. As a result, we keep ourselves stuck in a negative cycle. 

We know that blameful behavior is particularly unhealthy in a relationship. And while it is never pleasant to be the recipient of someone’s blame, being the perpetrator of blame may cause even more suffering. 

This study found that self-blaming emotions are strongly associated with depressive mood disorders. Self-blaming is often found alongside feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. Therefore as part of effective treatment for depression, it is beneficial to learn how to stop blaming ourselves. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

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9 ways to stop blaming yourself 

Not everything is your fault. It can’t possibly be. But when you continually blame yourself, you weigh yourself down with negative energy. This negativity makes it almost impossible to lead a fulfilling and happy life. 

If you recognize this self-blaming trait in yourself, now is a great time to address it. Here are 9 ways to help you stop blaming yourself. 

1. Take responsibility instead of blaming yourself 

Learn to differentiate between owning responsibility for your actions and blaming yourself for an outcome. 

Personal accountability is healthy. It allows us to function optimally in our relationships and take responsibility for our flaws.

Sometimes we mix with people who don’t have such well-developed blame skills. Toxic relationships where others wrongfully blame us may cause us to adopt this habit ourselves. 

For a long time, I blamed myself for an almost estranged relationship with my sister. This self-blame meant I felt responsible for fixing things. Yet, all attempts have been met with hostility. 

I now recognize it takes 2 to tango. I have stopped blaming myself, and while I take full responsibility for my part, our relationship will remain damaged until my sister stops blaming me and takes responsibility for her part. 

2. Learn self-compassion 

Self-compassion is a crucial step to stop blaming yourself. If you want to change how you attribute blame, you must learn to be kinder to yourself.

This act of self-kindness can be a challenging learning process if you are not used to it. 

Here are a few ideas to help with this journey. 

• Start writing a journal and highlight something positive about yourself each day. 
• Write a letter to yourself as if you were a friend. 
• Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy a section of time each day, as discussed in our article on self-soothing. 
• Write as many positive things about yourself as possible within 1 minute. 
• Speak to yourself as if you were your own best friend. 

Go easy on yourself. Remember, if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. 

If you need more help in this regard, here’s an article about how to stop being negative about yourself.

3. Reframe your thoughts 

When we blame ourselves, our thoughts may sound something like this: 

• He wouldn’t have left me if I had been a better partner. 
• It’s all my fault that I’ve been made redundant.

Reframing your thoughts changes them slightly, so they have a different feel. 

• Perhaps there are things I could have done better as a partner, but there are also things he could have done as a husband. Ultimately, we led an unhappy relationship, and perhaps this separation is for the best, while I appreciate it will be a tough time.
• My company needs to adapt to the financial crisis. I was the last one in; it makes sense that I was made redundant. I could not have prevented this. 

Can you see the difference in the sound of our thoughts for these 2 circumstances? Next time you recognize yourself jumping to self-blaming thoughts, see if you can reframe them. 

If you want to learn how, here’s an interesting article that will help you learn to reframe your negative thoughts.

4. Seek another perspective  

Being stuck in our heads can be a lonely place. 

They say a problem shared is a problem halved, which is true. Sometimes when we open up and share our thoughts with people, we trust they can help us see a different perspective. 

One of my closest friends recently highlighted that I take too much responsibility for my poor relationship with my sister. I didn’t realize how much I blamed myself, but she highlighted this to me. Without her help, I wouldn’t have seen my destructive thought patterns. 

When we open up to people we trust, they can help us learn to stop blaming ourselves inappropriately. 

5. Invite calmness in your mind 

This self-blame tendency is all part of an overactive brain. The blaming part of our brain wins when we listen to it and don’t do anything to quiet it. 

It is a skill to know how to calm our brain and quieten our thoughts. Here are a few ways to start building a calm habit. 

• Start a weekly yoga habit. 
• Learn to meditate. 
• Spend time in nature. 
• Take time to sit peacefully and lose yourself in a book. 
• Engross yourself in a film.

If you need more tips on how to do this, here are some tips to help you quiet your mind and keep your cool.

6. Dive into the present with mindfulness

Being present and fully immersed in the moment can be a powerful antidote to self-blame. Mindfulness allows you to observe your thoughts without judgment, helping you recognize and address self-blaming tendencies as they emerge.

Begin by setting aside a few minutes each day for mindfulness exercises. This could be as simple as focusing on your breathing, taking note of each inhale and exhale. When self-blaming thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment and gently bring your focus back to your breath.

Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routines as well. Whether you’re sipping your morning coffee, taking a stroll, or simply waiting in line, make an effort to be fully present. This consistent practice not only combats negative self-talk but also enriches everyday experiences, fostering a deeper connection with the world around you.

7. Define and uphold your personal boundaries

Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries is pivotal in nurturing a healthy self-image and warding off undue self-blame. By setting boundaries, you delineate what behaviors and responsibilities are acceptable, ensuring you don’t shoulder blame that isn’t yours to bear.

Start by pinpointing areas in your life where you might be overburdening yourself. Clearly communicate these boundaries to those around you, ensuring they understand and respect them.

It’s essential to remember that boundaries aren’t about shutting people out but rather about self-preservation. They ensure you’re not overwhelmed or unfairly blamed. Periodically review these boundaries, adjusting them as your life and circumstances evolve, ensuring they always serve your well-being.

If you need more tips to set healthy boundaries, we’ve got you covered.

8. Harness the transformative power of affirmations

Positive affirmations can be instrumental in reshaping our internal dialogue, steering it away from self-blame. By consciously choosing uplifting and empowering statements, you can challenge and eventually change negative self-perceptions.

Identify the self-deprecating thoughts that frequently cloud your mind and craft a positive affirmation to counter each one. If you often think, “I’m always in the way,” counter it with, “I add value and meaning to my surroundings.”

To embed these affirmations into your psyche, dedicate a few moments each day to vocalize them. Write them in a journal, or place them on post-it notes in visible areas around your living or workspace. Over time, these affirmations will become second nature, actively combatting and reducing self-blaming tendencies.

9. Gain perspective from those you trust

Our internal critic can sometimes be our harshest judge, leading us down the path of unwarranted self-blame. By seeking insights from those you trust, you can gain a more balanced perspective on situations.

When self-blame becomes overwhelming, confide in a trusted friend or family member, asking for their viewpoint. Their external perspective can often shed light on aspects you might have overlooked.

It’s essential to understand that seeking external validation isn’t about doubting your judgment but about broadening your viewpoint. This practice not only offers a fresh perspective but also deepens your bonds with others, creating a supportive environment where mutual understanding thrives.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up 

While personal responsibility is admirable, high levels of self-blame are damaging. A healthy and fulfilling life is one with balanced self-responsibility and self-blame.

Have you found a way to balance taking responsibility for your actions and being kind to yourself? I would love to hear if you have any tricks up your sleeve to stop blaming yourself. Let us all know in the comments below!

Ali Hall Author

Kindness is my superpower. Dogs and nature are my oxygen. Psychology with Sports science graduate. Scottish born and bred. I’ve worked and traveled all over the world. Find me running long distances on the hills and trails.

The post 9 Tips to Stop Blaming Yourself (and Practice Self-Compassion) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

We are surrounded by messages that to be desirable to others and happy yourself you need stuff. Not just any stuff. You need the latest gadgets and cars. And not just that. Anyone you associate with needs this stuff too. What happened to us? When did society discern someone more by the car they drive than the morals in their heart? Let me ask you something. Does having X, Y or Z make you a good person? 

When we learn to disassociate our self-worth from stuff, we see people for who they really are. It’s difficult not to go along with the crowds of hysteria, all striving for the next big thing. Read on to learn how you can stop being shallow and find more meaning and happiness in your life.

What’s wrong with being shallow? 

What’s wrong with being shallow? Everything. This dictionary definition uses the word “superficial” to describe someone who is shallow. 

And someone who is superficial lacks substance and depth.

Would you like to be described as someone who lacks substance and depth? 

But here’s the real kicker. When we place an onus on materialism to seek our happiness, we are in for a disappointment. Money and materialism don’t necessarily make us happy. 

Fascinatingly, this study outlines that up to a certain point we gain happiness from consumption. Thereafter, our happiness starts to fall.

We feel we “should” be happy with all our consumption, but we aren’t. What a great argument for staying in the sweet spot. Having just enough to be happy and grateful. But not too much that we start to feel our happiness fade. 

Put very simply, it is not a case of the more you have, the happier you are. 

And it is not just about being shallow with our own consumption, wants, and desires. When we are shallow, we judge others through the same lens. But guess what, someone with great wealth is not automatically a better human being than someone with less wealth. 

Shallow people often overlook the people gems around them, in favor of the flashy false gold people they aspire to be like.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

How do I know if I am shallow? 

When we are shallow very often the things that impress us are false vistas. For instance, think of your friend’s fancy car that makes you want to hang out with them. Well, it is likely on finance and they are struggling to meet the payments. 

Your friend who posts all those images on Instagram who seems to have it all? Well, he is about to get divorced. His wife is cheating on him and his kids resent him. 

Do you admire shoes and handbags, fancy holidays, and jewelry? What is it about this stuff that reels you in? 

Maybe the media has brainwashed you into believing all their adverts. You know, the ad about the watch that will turn you into a babe magnet. Or the one with the fizzy drink that will boost your intelligence.

If you are consumed by your image and how you come across to others you are likely shallow. If it is important to you to project an image of wealth and success, You are likely shallow. 

Success is subjective. What is successful to me may not be successful to you. Let’s eradicate the notion that success is all about wealth, a good job, house ownership, multiple foreign holidays a year, high education, marriage, children, and doing what we are “supposed” to do. 

Don’t let society prescribe your success. Only you can know what your own success looks like. To me, success equals happiness. 

5 immediate actions to stop being shallow

When it comes down to it, I don’t believe anyone actually wants to be shallow. I believe there is more to someone than the bling they have around their neck or the car they drive. Yet we still get caught up.

But when we feed into this shallow cycle, we believe having the bling around our neck is essential for our acceptance. We actually think our car brings us respect. We believe our self-worth is based on stuff. 

And you know what? Maybe this is true. But if you want a more meaningful life, it’s time to jump into the deep end and stop feeding into this shallow cycle. 

Here are 5 immediate ways you can stop being so shallow. 

1. Question your shopping habits 

It’s very simple. When you are shopping, shop for yourself. Don’t purchase something based on what you think others will think of it. Don’t spend money on an item that you don’t particularly like, but everyone else has. 

I don’t particularly like shopping anyway. But very often, if I am mulling over a purchase I ask myself a few questions. 

• “Do I want this or do I need this?” 
• “Will this item make me a better person?”

If you really want the fluorescent jacket because it makes you feel amazing. But end up buying the trendy, black designer jacket that is “in” at the moment. It’s time to have a word with yourself. 

Stop spending money on purchases for other people’s approval. Buy for yourself. Even better – spend money on experiences and not tangible things.

The fact is, there is a ton of research that experiences bring us more happiness than stuff. 

2. Find your authentic self 

When we live our lives to prove ourselves to others, we lose ourselves. For a long time, I tried to be “cool”. I think I was doing an OK job as I fitted in and was accepted, but I was not myself. I felt alien. For example, I laughed at jokes I didn’t find funny. I wore things I didn’t feel comfortable in. 

As I glazed over for the umpteenth time whilst my peers talked about handbags and makeup I made a promise to myself. I was going to return to myself. 

I no longer fit in, but I do get to be myself.

Handbags and make-up do nothing for me. But I could talk about trail shoes and dogs all day every day. I

Cut the shackles and find what is right for you. Follow your own yearnings.

3. Strip your labels and find out who you are beneath the surface 

Admittedly, in the past I found myself judging others for their jobs, cars, and houses.

I saw these things and decided if they were a good person or a person worthy of knowing. I would cast aspersions on someone depending on who they were friends with. Then I would make up stories about people in my mind depending on what they did in their spare time. 

Two years ago, my life turned a full 180 degrees. I have gone from being someone with many labels to brag of:

• A successful and interesting career.
• A host of influential friends.
• An admirable voluntary role.

People wanted to be my friend. They wanted me in their life.

But if you strip away all those labels, who is left? An empty carcass?

No. 

My roles did not define me. What is left is the human being that I truly am. I can not hide behind labels. I can not use my positions to prove myself. I am vulnerable and bare. I am kind. I speak up for injustice. I fight for animal rights. I invest time in real friends. 

What is left is me. Unapologetically me. And it feels good. It feels amazing not to be constantly seeking self-worth in the labels I claimed. 

So, strip away all your labels, even just in your imagination. Who are you? Do you like yourself? Are you worth knowing? That’s what you need to work on. Those are the qualities to judge others on. 

4. Stop trying to keep up 

Keeping up with the Joneses is exhausting. When we lead a shallow life, we live automatically. We forget to even check in with ourselves and ask if we like or want something. We automatically assume we do as everyone else does. So we copy and emulate those around us. 

Then we wake up and realize, heck, we don’t even like our job. We can’t stand our partners. And we didn’t even want kids!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Live your own life to the beat of your own drum. It’s OK to take the road less traveled.

I know confidently that I don’t want children. But I have heard first-hand accounts of people who had kids to keep up with their friends. Luckily, they love their children but they admit if they had their time again, they would not have had children. 

Accept agency over your life. Stop blending into everyone else. It’s your life. Live it at your pace and go in whatever direction you want. 

5. Recognize that happiness comes from within 

The thing is, when we buy something new we do experience happiness. We experience a rush of endorphins and a surge in happiness. But these feelings are short-lived. There is a real risk of creating a shopping addiction, a compulsion. We then constantly need more stuff to experience the endorphins.

Materialism does not buy us lifelong happiness, as discussed in this article. 

So, it’s time for you to seek happiness within yourselves, instead of in stuff. 

You are not your car or your house. You are not the fancy watch around your wrist or the designer shoes on your feet. 

Find happiness inside by finding your authentic self as described above. Then focus on these personal tasks: 

• Learn to be kinder.
• Spend more time in nature (it truly increases your happiness).
• Disconnect from your phone.
• Unfollow “influencers”.
• Have real conversations about dreams, goals, feelings, and fears. Not about people and stuff. 
• Sign up for voluntary work.

And one last suggestion. 

• Try to embrace a minimalist life.

Do a massive clear-out. It may feel scary at first. But when you get rid of things that you once placed your self-worth on, I promise you will feel liberated. 

Science has proven living a minimalist life and reducing our consumption is positively correlated with well-being.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Wrapping up 

Living a shallow life is unsatisfying and flat. Luckily there is a way out. I am not going to lie on my deathbed and think of the expensive designer shoes I bought. Heck no. I am going to be thinking of all the experiences I had.

Do you live a shallow life and want to live a life filled with interesting experiences instead of possessions? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Ali Hall Author

Kindness is my superpower. Dogs and nature are my oxygen. Psychology with Sports science graduate. Scottish born and bred. I’ve worked and traveled all over the world. Find me running long distances on the hills and trails.

The post 5 Ways to Stop Being Shallow (and Why it Matters) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

During times of hopelessness, it may feel impossible to be optimistic about the future. However, finding the strength to find hope is crucial to maintaining your well-being and moving forward with your life. Thankfully, there are things you can do to battle the feeling of hopelessness and make life feel a bit more manageable.

In this article, I will explore what it means to find hope, why it is important, and provide some helpful strategies you can use to help you find hope during tough times.

What does it mean to have hope?

When we have hope it means we want an outcome to happen that will improve life in some way. Finding hope can make you feel less helpless and more optimistic about the future, which can make a difficult situation feel a bit more bearable.  

Finding hope may signify different things to different people, depending on one’s perspective. For some, hope is spiritual or religious, placing your hope and faith in a higher power. For others, hope can entail attempting to maintain a positive outlook on a situation, despite how terrible it may seem.

Finding hope requires resilience. It is accepting that the current situation is difficult but recognizing that it will not always be this way and that you have the strength within you to overcome it.

Why is finding hope important?

When we are not able to find hope, it can be detrimental to our mental and physical health.

Feeling hopeless can leave you feeling stuck, anxious, and depressed. It makes you feel like life won’t get better, and that it lacks purpose and meaning.

That’s why finding hope is so important; it gives us faith, strength, and a sense of purpose.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

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Emotional health benefits of finding hope

According to research, hope is a powerful predictor of positive emotions. Another study confirms this, finding a link between hope and lower levels of anxiety and stress.

When you have hope, you may feel reduced stress and anxiety because you believe things will work out in the end or change in a way that positively impacts your life. You may feel more equipped to take actionable steps towards your goals because you already believe that change is possible.

Finding hope is also important when it comes to coping with difficult situations. Experts say that people who have a high level of hope tend to perceive obstacles as more manageable and less stressful and can quickly recover and adapt to adversity.

Another study found more adaptive coping strategies, such as problem-solving and proactive coping, are linked to higher levels of hope. It also has an inverse relationship with maladaptive coping techniques such as denial and detachment.

Physical health benefits of being hopeful

Hope has been linked to a variety of physical health benefits, including a healthier immune system, a better prognosis for chronic illness, and a reduction in pain, according to research.

Studies also associated hope with an 11 to 15 percent longer life span, with hopeful people being more likely to live to the age of 85 and beyond!

Hopeful people may see their lives as more purposeful and meaningful, and therefore engage in healthy activities that contribute to stronger health outcomes. Studies have found that people with higher hopes engage in superior health behaviors, such as eating a healthy diet, exercising, less likely to smoke or drink excessively, which all contribute to stronger health outcomes over time.

4 strategies to help you find hope

When you are experiencing hopelessness life can seem bleak. Thankfully, no matter how bad things appear at the moment, there are some things you can do to make life a little better and find hope for the future.

1. Turn to your support system

Family, friends, or even a mental health professional can help you to get through times of hopelessness.

Sometimes when people go through difficult circumstances, their instinct may be to withdraw or isolate themselves from their support. It may feel like being alone is what you need, but ultimately it will leave you feeling more lonely, scared, and hopeless.

A little alone time is okay, but if you find yourself withdrawing completely from friends and family, that may be an issue. Try and make plans with a friend or loved one and hold yourself accountable to go. Your loved ones can provide you with support to get through the situation and can also be a nice distraction from hardship.

Additionally, if you feel that you need professional help, a mental health therapist can help. A therapist can help you to understand why you feel hopeless, and find a way to accept, adapt, or if possible, change the situation. Additionally, a therapist can also help you to process difficult emotions and set realistic goals for the future.

2. Reframe negative unhelpful thoughts

It is natural to have negative thoughts, especially during times of distress. When you’re trying to find hope, it is important to challenge some of those negative thoughts, so that they don’t take over and consume you.

Your brain may try to tell you that things will never get better, there’s no use in trying, or that the world is unfair. However, just because you think these thoughts does not mean they are completely accurate!

Here are some questions you can ask yourself when you’re experiencing negative thoughts that may be distorted, inaccurate, or just plain wrong:

• Is there real evidence that supports this thought?
• What would I tell a friend if they had the same thought?
• Will this matter one day from now? What about one week, one month, one year?
• How have I dealt with similar situations in the past?
• Is this within my control?

3. Focus on what is within your control

When you feel hopeless it may seem like everything is out of your control, and you can’t change the situation. Part of finding hope is having some sense of control, the belief that you can have an impact on the situation and take steps towards positive change.

Of course, there will be some circumstances that are completely beyond your control, and in those cases acceptance and resilience are key. Instead of focusing on trying to change impossible circumstances, focus on taking actions that alleviate some of the unpleasant emotions related to the situation.

For example, perhaps you experience the loss of a loved one; of course, something like this is out of your control. You can take back some control by focusing on your self-care or supporting your loved ones. This can make you feel less hopeless, even though the situation itself has not changed.

You do not need to completely resolve every difficult or unfortunate situation you experience. Focusing on the influence that you do have, and the positive impact you can have on yourself, and others around you, can help you to find hope and move forward.

4. Practice mindfulness

When you are having trouble finding hope you may ruminate about past situations or worry about the future. When our thoughts are constantly stuck in the past or worrying about the future, it may make us feel more hopeless, anxious, and depressed.

Practicing mindfulness brings us back to the present moment. It involves focusing your attention on the here and now.

Research shows mindfulness practice can help people with stress reduction and finding hope. When you get the hang of mindfulness practice, you are able to take a step back from unhelpful automatic negative thoughts. This helps to cultivate more constructive, and hopeful thoughts.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Wrapping up

Finding hope during difficult times can be tough, but not impossible. Life will always throw you unexpected curveballs. What matters is that you are able to find the strength, courage, and resilience to view the situation as a bump in the road, rather than a complete roadblock.

Have you ever felt hopeless but were able to find hope again? What was your strategy to find hope in your situation? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Jessie Faber Author

Writer, athlete, social worker, and professional thrift shopper. Born in Canada, but currently living my dream playing professional soccer in Greece. Passionate about mental health advocacy, sewing, singing, and playing guitar.

The post 4 Tips to Find Hope in a Hopeless Situation (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Sensitivity is a necessary human trait, but being overly sensitive and letting it dictate your emotions is a choice. Developing a healthy relationship with sensitivity will help you tactfully navigate all of your relationships in life and help you to stop taking everything so personally.

This article is here to give you tips to be able to ditch the hyperreactive teenager that lives inside all of us. I’ll help you to work on mature emotional responses that don’t leave you spiraling into a pit of irritation or self-loathing.

Why being sensitive isn’t always a bad thing

As someone who has accused many male counterparts of lacking sensitivity, I think it’s important to know that being sensitive itself is not typically the problem.

In fact, research shows that people who are highly sensitive tend to have greater emotional awareness and empathy in their romantic relationships.

A study in 2014 further validated this finding by demonstrating that the areas of the brain involved in empathy and awareness experienced greater activation when looking at pictures of people who were happy and sad. The study authors found that being sensitive is linked to higher awareness and responsiveness.

I don’t know about you, but having a friend or significant other who has better emotional awareness and empathy sounds pretty heavenly to me. But as helpful as these traits of sensitive individuals are in a relationship, they can also become a barrier to healthy relationships when not addressed.

Why is it important to not be overly sensitive?

There are times when being hyper-aware of another person’s emotions can actually be detrimental. A good example for me personally was when my boss would come to work in a super irritated mood.

After only interacting with my boss for five minutes, I could feel a flood of irritation building inside of me for no good reason at all. And while my boss’ mood probably had nothing to do with me, I would end up spending half of my morning retracing my every action to figure out what I had done wrong.

Absorbing someone else’s emotions and being so sensitive to how they interact with you can lead you down that rabbit hole of negativity. Even when you should know that this person’s bad mood has nothing to do with you.

The reality is people are going to have bad days and interact poorly with you. And people are going to reject you, disagree with you, and sometimes just be downright rude. But being highly sensitive to those reactions and not just taking them at face value sets you up for a less-than-bright trajectory.

A study in 2017 found that men who were more sensitive to rejection were more likely to develop depression. If you allow how others interact and treat you to heavily influence your emotions, you will find it hard to be happy consistently over time.

This is why striking the right balance of being sensitive, but not overly sensitive is crucial for your overall personal happiness in life.

This is also what we wrote about in our article on how to be emotionally stable.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

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5 ways to stop being overly sensitive

If you’re tired of pulling out the tissues every time something goes wrong in life, then I’ve got you covered. These 5 tips will help you develop healthy emotional boundaries and balance the sensitivity scale to work in your favor.

1. Take a breath

Do you remember the last time someone said something to you that really struck a chord and not in a good way? I sure do.

Just the other day one of my patients said something right to my face that I found highly offensive. Now my instinct would be to give this person a piece of my mind and tell them they hurt my feelings.

But as an adult who has had to learn the art of interacting with people in the service industry, I have learned the power of my own breath. So at that moment, I took 3 breaths before I responded.

And instead of reacting swiftly, I was able to realize that the patient probably meant nothing by it and that reacting harshly would not make either party feel any better. So I was able to do something I haven’t been able to do easily for years – let it go.

When someone says or does something that hurts your feelings or upsets you, you can create space for yourself to actually process your emotions by simply taking a few breaths. It almost sounds too good to be true, but simply focusing on your breathing can help you defeat your instinctual sensitive reaction and instead react from a place of reason.

2. Reflect on where your sensitivity is stemming from

Sometimes we’re sensitive because we’re not addressing a deep-rooted personal issue.

I had this boyfriend in high school who called me five-head. You can imagine how that made me feel. Obviously, it’s not a kind thing to say.

Now if I had a good sense of confidence and wasn’t insecure about my physical appearance, these words probably would have bounced off without a second thought. But instead, I hyperfocused on these words and even got bangs to try to hide my forehead.

The real problem wasn’t what he said to me, even though it wasn’t nice. The problem was my reaction was stemming from a place of low self-esteem and that’s what needed my attention.

Through developing confidence in myself, I now confidently rock a headband with my five-head beaming for all the world to see.

When someone hurts your feelings, take the time to figure out why because the root of the issue may have nothing to do with their words or actions themselves.

3. Realize the world doesn’t revolve around you

It’s true. The world does not revolve around you. I’m sorry if I’m the first person who has to declare this truth to you.

The more you embrace that human beings are messy creatures who make mistakes over and over again, the more okay you will feel when someone makes mistakes or offends you. Because all of us are dealing with our own little joys and demons day in and day out that heavily influence our emotions and behaviors.

More likely than not, when a person yells at you or behaves in a way that leaves you feeling inferior, it probably is not actually related to you at all.

I used to be able to tell when my boyfriend in college was having a bad day because when we would go to study he just didn’t want to talk. So of course I reacted by being moody back at him instead of realizing that his behavior wasn’t actually directed at me and he just needed time and space to process his day.

Realizing that you are not the center of the universe is a freeing fact that then allows you to give others grace and stop assuming that all of their behavior is directly tied to you.

4. Discuss your feelings with a loved one

If someone has deeply hurt your feelings and you can’t seem to let it go, you may benefit from opening up about it with a loved one. Now let me make it clear, I am not saying you should gossip with your friends about what a terrible person they are because they did x, y, or z.

What I’m saying is discussing the situation and your feelings may either help you release your pent-up frustration or give you an outside perspective that helps you realize your sensitivity is totally unwarranted.

5. Remember your personal power

Being overly sensitive can be really draining. You end up living every day with your emotional wellness at the disposal of everyone around you.

At any moment, you have the power to change what you are feeling. It doesn’t matter how terribly someone has treated you. You can choose to be at peace and recognize your own personal worth.

Now I know better than anyone that this is easier said than done. But as someone who has had her fair share of bosses tell her that she has room for improvement and has heard comments about her physique from various men throughout her life, I’ve learned that you don’t have to let everyone else’s feedback and opinions influence how you feel.

You are valuable. You are good enough. Your feelings are valid, but recognize when they are out of proportion and ruining what could be a perfectly good day.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Wrapping up

Being sensitive is a good thing. But this is an instance where having too much of a good thing quickly escalates into a bad thing. By using the tips from this article, you can avoid balling your eyes out and smearing your mascara when someone in your life mildly disagrees with you or hurts your feelings. Learning to strike the right balance of sensitivity will help you reclaim your personal power in a way that grants you lasting peace and frees up energy for the things that really matter.

Have you ever been told that you are overly sensitive? What’s your favorite tip from this article? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Ashley Kaiser Author

Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. Self-proclaimed dark chocolate addict and full-time adrenaline junkie. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too.

The post 5 Tips to Stop Being Overly Sensitive (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

That doesn’t mean that we can’t stop this negative emotion. There are actual ways to stop being envious, and these are all things that you can start doing right away. So even though jealousy and envy are emotions that you can’t simply “turn off”, there are actionable methods to help you deal with them in a positive way.

In this article, I’ll discuss how feeling jealous can negatively impact your life, while showing 5 ways to stop being envious all the time.

How envy keeps you from living a happy life

Feeling envious is a natural reaction to some situations. It’s a human behavior that can be traced back to the time when “survival of the fittest” was the way of life.

If someone has a bigger house, or a nicer set of clothes, feeling envious can help you get motivated so that you want to close that gap. Without these envy feelings, you’d be more likely to be left behind and eaten by saber-tooth tigers or trampled by mammoths.

Luckily, we live in a day and age where envious feelings are less crucial for our survival. In fact, feeling envious has almost no positive impact on your mental health at this stage.

Being envious is associated to lower life satisfaction

This study of 18,000 participants found that envious feelings are a strong predictor of worse mental health in the future. The researchers found that whenever someone goes from feeling the lowest to the highest level of envy, it was associated with a significant decrease in happiness.

The study also found that younger people are more susceptible to feeling envy, and levels of envy decrease as we grow older.

Feeling envious used to be a human feature, now it’s a bug

Thousands of years ago, before we had such a well-functioning and safe society, feeling envious was an emotion that helped us survive. By experiencing envy, we were more motivated to become better and fight harder for the things that we missed. It was something that arguably made us better people.

However, that feature has now turned into a bug. Although some people don’t want to admit it, we don’t live in a dog-eat-dog world anymore. Or at least, not in the same way we used to thousands of years ago.

Therefore, the actual application of envy has lost its purpose. We all still experience jealousy and envy, but it doesn’t actually help us live happier and longer lives. This same study found that higher levels of envy don’t lead to better mental health, nor does it lead to economic success.

In other words, feeling envious doesn’t help you get where you want.

Envy stops you from helping others

Feelings of jealousy and envy have even been found to keep us from helping others. In fact, feeling envious might lead us to make decisions that can actually harm those around us.

These 2 studies clearly show how we’re less likely to help others when we’re feeling envious.

This indirectly hurts our ability to be happy as well, as it’s been found that spreading happiness actually increases our own happiness as well.

So if you want to make the world a better place, you need to continue reading as you’ll want some help on feeling less envious.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

5 ways to stop feeling envious

Even though envy keeps us from living a happy life, it can be hard to get rid of these feelings. After all, they were originally designed as “features” of a human in order to help us survive. How do we counter those natural instincts, now that we know that it’s only affecting us negatively?

It’s actually more simple than you may think! Here are 5 ways to help you stop feeling envious.

1. Cut back on your social media time!

If you are sick of feeling envious all the time, there is really no excuse to not delete your social media accounts.

While researching this topic, I stumbled upon this small study of 180 university students. The study found that people who specifically spent more time on highly visual social media are more likely to experience envy.

For those who are wondering what highly visual social media means, think of Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok.

1. Spending time on these social networks leads to feelings of envy.
2. Feelings of envy result in decreased mental health (as found by lots of other studies as well).

The study also found no positive effect of highly visual social media.

What should you do with this information? The best gift you can give yourself is to log off for a while. While it may sound drastic, what’s keeping you from deleting your accounts altogether? Is it really so important to be active on these social media platforms?

If you can’t do that for some reason, then use the mute function and unfollow features that don’t add any value to your life and curate yourself a feed that lifts you up instead of bringing you down.

2. Only compare yourself with your past self, not with others

You probably know that it’s not always good to compare yourself to others. Everyone moves at their own pace and circumstances are different, and so on. But you probably find yourself making comparisons to others and wondering why you can’t stop.

Comparing yourself to others isn’t always bad and sometimes, it can maintain or even enhance your self-esteem. That’s what makes it so hard to stop, even if comparing yourself to others decreases your overall happiness.

Everyone has different good (and bad!) attributes. It’s easy to compare your own work with the work of your co-workers. But if your conclusion from this comparison is that you’re not good enough as a person, then that’s wrong.

What you need to do instead, is to compare yourself only to your former self. Try to focus on how much you’ve grown yourself, instead of feeling envious of where somebody else is.

In my case, I once ran a 15K run and was super excited to finish it in 1:08. It was one of my best races, but I later found out that a close friend of mine ran it as well, and he finished in the top 100 with a time of 0:55 or something like that. “Damn, I could never ever run that fast”, I thought.

But instead of focusing on this useless comparison, I found more happiness in being proud of what I had accomplished. I compared myself to my former self – back when I struggled with running a 5K – and quickly realized that I should be happy instead of envious!

3. Try something new

Feelings of envy are often combined with boredom and a lack of energy. A good way to deal with all these problems at once is to distract yourself with something exciting!

For example, I once signed up for a Bob Ross painting workshop. I never held a brush to a canvas in my life, so it was all really exciting. Even though there were people in the class who painted much better than I did, I still had a lot of fun. I did something I’d never done before, and I literally couldn’t be bothered to feel envious of others.

You don’t have to do something big for this to work. The point here is that by trying something new, you’re adding excitement and spontaneity to your life. There’s more than one benefit to doing this, as you may find a new hobby or passion in your life! You will also keep your mind occupied, so you won’t even have time to feel envious.

4. Find out what’s important to you and bring more of it into your life

Instead of trying something new, you can also just focus on the things that are already important to you.

It comes down to this simple piece of advice: do more of what makes you happy.

If you’re self-aware enough to realize that doing one thing makes you happier, then just try to do more of that.

In my example, I used to feel envious and jealous when my girlfriend and I were in a long-distance relationship. She was studying abroad in Australia while I was back at home feeling miserable.

Luckily, I knew that I enjoyed running as a hobby, so what did I do to keep my mind from feeling envious all the time? Yup, I signed up for my first-ever marathon. This was not only a great way to keep my mind occupied. It also increased my mental health and happiness significantly, as I already knew how much I loved running.

While running did the trick for me, it can be anything for you. Whether you’re into reading, bowling, rock climbing, or volunteering. If you already know what’s important to you, why not try to bring more of that into your life? It’s really that simple.

5. Plan things to look forward to

This last tip is a great way to focus on positivity instead of negativity. By planning things to look forward to, you’re shifting your mindset from negative feelings of envy and jealousy to hope, joy and optimism.

It doesn’t take much to experience the positive effect of planning things to look forward to. Even the idea of doing something fun can bring a sense of happiness.

For example, this study found that people who are planning a vacation experience higher levels of happiness.

You don’t even have to plan something as big as a holiday in order to benefit from this effect. The next time you’re feeling envious, drop what you’re doing and plan something fun to look forward to. Whether that’s going to the park, making a reservation at a restaurant, or just seeing a close friend. These are all things that you have control over and will make you stop being envious.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Even though envy and jealousy are natural emotions, you may be surprised to have learned that you can actually control how you deal with them. I hope you know how to stop being envious by using some of the 5 methods I’ve discussed here.

Did I miss something? Was there anything you would have liked me to cover? Or do you want to share your own experiences in dealing with envy and jealousy? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post 5 Ways to Stop Being Envious of Others (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Sometimes this feeling of emptiness pops up repeatedly and can affect our mental health and well-being. Or we simply haven’t given ourselves time to delve deeper into why we are feeling this way. But most of the time it can be managed and knowing how to deal with these feelings is a valuable first step in feeling positive and happier.

In this article, I will explore some of the feelings associated with feeling empty, why we may be feeling empty, and some tips to help you feel a little better if you find yourself in this position.

What does feeling empty really mean?

Feeling empty is often associated with a sense of numbness and a feeling of being lost. According to research, it can be described as ‘…a complex, negative emotional state that is experienced in different ways by different individuals.’

Interestingly, researchers themselves have highlighted the difficulty in finding individuals who describe this experience in the same way.

Not only is it quite an abstract phrase, but it represents a wide range of feelings we may be experiencing including:

• Lacking purpose or meaning in life.
• Feeling numb.
• Not actually knowing how you feel.
• Preferring to be alone.
• Feeling neither happy nor sad.
• Lack of motivation.
• Feeling bored or disinterested.
• Feeling disconnected and detached from loved ones.

Unlike other emotions, feeling empty can sometimes be described as simply not feeling any emotion at all.

But even though this may sound strange, emptiness can be classed as an emotion despite perhaps not feeling any. And this knowledge may help you to perceive these feelings as more concrete and visible.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What are some of the causes of feeling empty?

Understanding some of the reasons behind these feelings of emptiness is essential in helping you overcome this emotional state. The only person who truly knows these answers is yourself. This can be complicated as it can be a result of multiple reasons, but it is important to explore.  

Frequently, this feeling comes from events in our lives that are going on around us for example:

• Shifting hormonal levels.
• Loss of a job.
• Loss of someone close to you.
• Other stressful situations.

When I left my teaching job after 10 years, I remember feeling this incredible sense of emptiness. I expected to feel so many different things, but I didn’t expect to feel nothing at all!

Often, a feeling of emptiness can be a natural response to stressful events in our lives. According to experts, feelings of emotional numbness can occur when the limbic system is overloaded with stress hormones. In fact, these feelings may be a key signifier that your body is overloaded, and something needs to change.

But if those feelings of being empty are ongoing or keep presenting themselves for no obvious reason, it can make it more challenging. Causes for this may include things like:

• Not taking the time to look after yourself.
• Past experiences or trauma.
• Losing touch with your goals/aspirations.
• Not having meaningful relationships with others.
• Anxiety or depression.

As with understanding most emotions, understanding the source of why we feel a certain way is central to addressing it. And when we avoid digging deeper, we can often try and overcome these voids by turning our attention to other unhealthy behaviors or habits.

So instead of trying to distract yourself from feelings of emptiness through meaningless tasks or habits, get to the source!

9 ways to help you feel less empty

Read on to look at some of the ways you can avoid feeling the burden of emptiness and discover ways to overcome this negative state of mind.  

1. Accept and embrace those feelings of emptiness

Sometimes the biggest step is recognizing and accepting we feel a certain way.

This is definitely not the time to make yourself feel worse, but a gentle nod to yourself that you feel this way can be extremely powerful. And remember you are experiencing emotions even if you can’t grasp exactly what they are.

2. Explore how you are feeling

Take some time to explore some of the emotions you are currently feeling. You may want to write these down in a daily or weekly journal.

Ask yourself some questions along the way:

• Why might you feel like this today?
• Are you going through a particularly stressful time?
• What specific thing made you unhappy today?

It may help you to piece everything together and make connections.

3. Look after yourself

We can often neglect to look after ourselves in daily life. Reflect on whether you are taking time to care for yourself. Are you managing to sleep and eat well? Try and devote some time just for yourself!

Meditation or journaling can often be good tools to allow yourself some inner space. Here is an entire article about how to focus on yourself.

4. Be kind to yourself

We all need to do this at times. Don’t punish yourself for things you are not doing or how you are feeling. And try not to feel guilty or ashamed.

If anything, compliment yourself on how well you’re doing during this difficult period. Perhaps you could even write down one thing on a weekly/daily basis that you feel you have done well, or you have enjoyed.

Remind yourself of the positives through practicing affirmations, and you’ll notice the benefits. A study in 2016 found that individuals who use self-affirmations had more activation in areas of the brain involved in processing our sense of self and our orientation towards our future.

5. Find comfort in connecting with others

The old saying goes “a problem shared is a problem halved”. It can be difficult to share your feelings with others, even with people close to you. But talking to others can allow you to process how or even why you are feeling the way you are.

The experience of bonding with someone can also trigger that all-important hormone oxytocin which may provide a welcoming relief from that sense of numbness and emptiness you may be feeling.

6. Consider making some life goals

Sometimes when we have goals it can give us a new sense of purpose and motivation. A recent study highlighted key elements that may reduce the intensity of chronic feelings of emptiness which were: vocations, a sense of purpose, and strength of identity.

Arguably having life goals can help in all the above areas. Setting some simple, achievable targets in your life can really help make life feel more meaningful when you are feeling a little lost.  

7. Get moving!

Doing any physical activity may be the last thing on your mind when you are feeling empty, but simply just getting up and out can make a dramatic difference to those feelings.

Even if it involves just getting up and dancing to your favorite song can make you feel more alive! Better yet, get outside and go for a nature walk.

8. Try some grounding exercises

Grounding can be a powerful exercise to engage in when feeling a sense of emptiness.

To be grounded implies a sense of stability and sensibility in all things, but most importantly in our thoughts and emotions. Life often tends to obstruct our ability to stay grounded, mindful, and present. Stressors can include our jobs, friends, families, and sometimes even our own thoughts can get in the way of attaining peace of mind.

There is a range of grounding exercises you can find online. These often focus on breathwork, and it uses your senses to help you feel more sense of awareness. Here’s an article we wrote that details 5 steps to help you stay grounded.

9. Minimize stress in your life

If we go back to this idea of your brain and body being overwhelmed and you are going through some particularly stressful life events, look at how you can minimize stress in your life in some way.

This isn’t always possible or as easy as that, but there may be small changes you can make in your everyday life to help get you in the right direction.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Wrapping up

Feeling empty is a complex, negative state which can make us experience a range of different and difficult emotions. Knowing what is really causing those feelings of emptiness is key to getting to the root of the problem.

Do you have another tip that you would like to add? How did you deal with your feelings of emptiness in the past? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Sarah Grocutt Author

Former teacher and lover of all things psychology. Born and raised in the UK. Full-time employed by my two wonderful children and self-confessed yoga addict.

The post 9 Ways to Deal with Feeling Empty (With Examples) appeared first on Tracking Happiness.