Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources

Hello! Who are you?

Hello! My name is Natalia Nieves. I live in my hometown Palm Bay, FL, I grew up in Cocoa, FL. I graduated from high school in May 2023. Graduating from high school was my greatest achievement.

Right now I am doing a gap year, taking a break from education until I know exactly where I want to be. I am single, I wanna work on myself before I get into a relationship. My passions are writing, marine life, mental health, and self-care. 

Throughout the years, I have been discovering new things about myself through my mental health journey. I have always been the kind of child with a good heart. I grew up with my mom, who is my number one role model, and two younger siblings.

My childhood without my father was a struggle for me, I was four years old when I left my father. I didn’t understand the horrible things that he did and how he was emotionally and medically neglectful and what he did wasn’t okay. 

I have never been this happy in a long time. 2023 has shown me how “time heals everything”- Luke Combs. Every day I learn more about myself, my past experiences made me who I am today. 

This is something that took me a long time to realize that I am worthy. I am proud to see how things that we go through are lessons and guidance. Seeing how they are tests that challenge us to decide whether or not we choose to take the path towards something good.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I experienced childhood sexual abuse in March 2019 (which was a one-time occurrence) when I was still in middle school and then in May 2021, I developed PTSD from that experience.

In May 2019, I started to suffer from depression that had nothing to do with the abuse. I remember the day when my depression was developing, I was sitting in my classroom and just didn’t care what was happening around me.

As my Sophomore year was coming to an end, I started to develop constant flashbacks, nightmares about the event, and severe anxiety causing shortness of breath, uncontrolled tremors, hypervigilance, and anxiety attacks from the traumatic event.

What was scary was my pulse would race and chest tightened when anxiety attacks would constantly come from post-traumatic stress. Along with PTSD, I suffered with trauma bond for two years.

In 2020, I started to suffer with social anxiety disorder after returning to school from the pandemic. Feeling isolated and losing confidence in myself made it really difficult for me to make new friends.

I was all alone wanting to hide by the wall. My closest friends didn’t return to school after covid-19, I was lonely and so anxious that I would cover my face with my hair. I was bullied in middle school which went on for a few years. 

In 2021, I also developed generalized anxiety disorder when my PTSD was beginning to show symptoms, and weeks later I decided to tell my story to a high school counselor, which felt like one of the most terrifying moments of my life

I then got help recently after speaking out about the sexual abuse from seeing a counselor on a weekly basis. I was vulnerable as I opened up about my experiences, being educated on why I was feeling ashamed, guilty, and betrayed by my perpetrator and learning how to not let it control me.

I found out from my most recent counselor that I have an anxious preoccupied attachment that I feel like I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember.

I get attached to others easily and fear rejection and abandonment, I am afraid of being hurt and betrayed by anyone new that comes into my life. I still struggle with trust issues from my past experiences, I fear that whoever I let in will let me down.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

After the abuse happened, I didn’t realize or understand it was abuse. So instead, I felt like I bonded with my perpetrator and decided to get in contact.

We would text each other through Facebook Messenger and I craved the attention that my abuser gave me, there were highs and lows at times as most messages involved emotional abuse, but there were also conversations that were comforting. 

When we lost touch, I showed signs of depression. When I developed depression, it was like my heart was shattered into pieces. I lost the kind of relationship that I thought I had and felt like I did something wrong. 

When I realized that I experienced sexual abuse as a teenager, I didn’t know what to do. I started having vivid flashbacks from the event that made me feel afraid to tell anyone.

I feared telling the truth to someone, but I had to get it out when I didn’t know what else to do. I craved the cycle of abuse from the trauma bond I was psychologically trapped in and feared what would happen to my abuser if I told the whole story to someone.

When I shared my trauma from the beginning to the end of everything I remember, the school counselor I trusted believed me and got me the help I needed to heal. 

It felt like my blood ran cold when the truth came out and then my mom found out about it from someone else and I confessed the truth to her.

This experience caused me to feel guilty, ashamed, hypervigilant, and blame myself. I thought to myself, “I have feelings for this person.” “Why would this person do this?” “What did I do to deserve it?” 

These thoughts stuck with me for two years until I now realize that my experience can’t define me and I deserve better.

In 2020, when quarantine began, I felt so isolated and disconnected from the world. Months later, when the school opened again, I developed social anxiety disorder (SAD). 

I started to feel a lack of confidence in my appearance and I couldn’t look people in the eyes or have a conversation without anxiety creeping in. It was my sophomore year, and my mental state impacted my education. I was afraid and embarrassed to ask for extra help with my school work, work in small class groups, communicate, and connect with others in class.

When my post-traumatic stress (PTS) started to develop, I felt something that I’d never felt before in my life. I started having vivid nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks that were constantly bringing back the trauma.

I wanted to say something to someone, but I was afraid of what would happen to my abuser. I decided that I would try to receive closure from my abuser before I took a big step toward healing. 

Then on the week of my abuser’s birthday in August 2021, it got to the point where I had to get the truth out to someone. During the summer of 2021, I started to talk about my experience with a good friend and still didn’t want anyone to know who abused me.

When my mom first suspected something and asked me if someone had touched me, I denied it. She could tell that I lied and tried to cover up the story.

My trauma bond made me feel like I had no control over my feelings towards my perpetrator and I did anything to not cause trouble and do anything for that person. 

My mom would do anything to protect me and my siblings and that was the part that terrified me. The addiction I had to post-traumatic stress was like there was no escape, I was emotionally trapped with my heart constantly being punched.

Then, my mom found out the truth from someone else by receiving a phone call and I had a feeling in my gut that she received horrific news. This was on the same day when I told my entire trauma experience to my high school counselor, which was a frightening occurrence that I carried.

My mom was on the phone being secretive of who was on the phone and I knew who it was. I was just as terrified as opening up to the officer who got involved. She talked to me in my room alone with furious behavior.

I was then getting help to work towards my healing journey. I was vulnerable and open to work on recovering from my mental illnesses, I wanted to not feel what I was feeling anymore.

I learned trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy to guide me by learning about the experience. I learned to let go and move forward with time. It was a lot of hell that I kept pushing through and I am proud to be where I am today.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

In June 2022, I decided to get on medication for my anxiety and social anxiety disorder. I have always been big on self-care when my mental health hits rock bottom. 

Being on medication after a few weeks showed a difference in my thinking with social situations. I started to see that I shouldn’t care what people think, I am a loyal and caring person, and I can find people who accept me after two years of insecurity.

This doesn’t mean that I am considering that others should get on medication to overcome a mental disorder, I never depended on it for my PTSD. We all have our own ways of healing.

As my post-traumatic stress showed unexpectedly, I never turned to substances as a coping mechanism. Instead, I needed to get it out by writing about the experience or telling someone about it. 

In October 2021, I remember myself thinking how I didn’t wanna keep living in pain and fear, I then was in counseling for the first time after I opened up about my sexual abuse.

I received a great education and healthy coping mechanisms to help me get through the dark times.

As months and then two years have gone, I kept educating myself to find answers. Today, I have healed from this tragedy by giving it my best to prioritize my healing journey with time.

With the support I got and educating myself, I feel relief that I am seeing change in my personal journey. 

When I was depressed for a year, I didn’t think I would realize that I needed to let go and realize that it was an experience that was temporary. 

This was something I never felt. I then learned that change is what challenges us. I know that I wouldn’t change my experiences that have led me to a positive change.

I am still learning how to live a better life by rebuilding relationships and learning to make new ones. I want to improve my self-awareness and rebuild my self-confidence.

With me knowing that I struggle with anxious attachment, I can dig deep into navigating how to heal and become a better version of myself.

I feel so proud of who I’ve become, I’m so grateful for my support system, even my mom. She has always been by my side and did whatever she could to support me.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I started researching my symptoms of depression, wondering why I was filled with emptiness inside, and why I had dreams about someone that I thought cared for me.

I would listen to YouTube videos and go into therapy to help me understand why I was taken advantage of and how I can overcome this battle.

Journaling has been my best friend, I get my thoughts out by writing what I’m feeling. 

I found that digging into my trauma by writing down questions to ask myself about the experience. This helped me get a better understanding of my emotions.

What really helped me with my anxiety and depression was talking to my school counselors and my amazing friend who supported me. 

I talked to people I trust to get my thoughts out when they hit rock bottom. I learned to make myself a priority by doing simple tasks at home like chores to not dwell on my depression.

I can’t recall a lot of when I was depressed, I just remember the time it started and when there were darker times.

If I would go back to talk to my younger self, I would tell her not to blame herself. These feelings are temporary and you are growing every day.

For my severe generalized anxiety, I would make myself a priority. I stick to self-care routines that have helped me. 

For my routine, journal when thoughts get to me, I have an exercise routine, and I eat healthy. I feel like this routine has made a positive impact on my well-being along with counseling.

My social anxiety was improved by medication for the most part. I used to feel so insecure I couldn’t talk to people without choking.

It also started to make me feel in a low mood, almost like I was depressed but without wanting to cry.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

When I was back in school in 2020, I was at home sitting in the living room, and one of my best friends, who is like a big brother to me, had me open up to him about my depression I remember him saying how he can relate to what I was feeling.

I was relieved to express what I was holding in for a while. We were in high school together for a few years and our friendship is still a close bond.

I trust him when I need support in any situation. He is empathetic and compassionate.

For my post-traumatic stress, I decided to talk about my symptoms with the same friend.

I was afraid of mentioning my abuser because if my mom found out, she would go into full protective mode. During this time, I had feelings towards my perpetrator like I cared deeply for the abuser, feeling stuck in a trauma bond.

My friend has been supportive and trustworthy to me. I told him that two years ago, I started to realize that I was touched inappropriately by someone and I get vivid nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks.

I also talked to my uncle about the situation in the same way as I talked to my friend by not giving too much detail. I then told my junior history teacher that I was abused and that year was very emotionally hard for me. 

My history teacher supported me when I needed to vent. It was so terrifying to talk about the fact that I was molested. I went for weeks without telling my friend or uncle who my perpetrator was. I just wanted the nightmares and flashbacks to end.

I was not comfortable talking to my mom about my mental health journey when it took a toll, she would come at me with tough love, like I’m not supposed to feel this way.

She once said that I can’t keep thinking this way with a hard tone because she doesn’t want to see me hurting inside. I would talk to my aunt, who is like my second mom. 

She listens and knows what advice to give when I am struggling. I am overall grateful that I got the support and help I deserved to help me grow. I am vulnerable and I have been since I was a kid.

I was raised to be open and honest about my health and emotional state. My mom would always be asking how I was feeling due to my medical history.

I was angry and would lash out when I had to leave my father so young. I was at the age where I didn’t understand the reasons. My mom would always be by my side trying to be strong for me when my medical complications were bad.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I want others to know that this won’t last forever. You have to fight and give it your all, don’t give up. Time is everything.

Today, I can look back on my journey and that it was worth it. It made me who I am today. I am stronger and aware that the world isn’t perfect. 

What we go through is a challenge for us to decide whether to give it all or nothing. If I were to talk to my younger self, I would say “You are not to blame and I am so proud of how far you’ve come. You can’t be so hard on yourself.” 

This mental health journey has made me discover good outcomes in my life. I can see 14-year-old Natalia wasn’t aware of her surroundings because she never should have faced tragedies that no kid deserves. 

She never saw this kind of behavior before and liked the attention that was given. I wish I could have realized I am not less than I am enough. Go easy on yourself and take it one day at a time.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Ted Talks became inspiring to me. This was helpful to me because people came to talk about their own experiences and share advice for those who could relate

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Overcoming Trauma and Depression With Therapy, Journaling and Self-Care appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi there! My name is Kage Burton. I am a welder in Utah and I build conveyor systems for companies around the world. I have been welding for 7 years now and I’d like to say I am getting pretty good at it!

I am also a ski instructor during the winters. There is nothing I love more than watching people when they finally start to understand skiing. It’s like watching someone discover what fun is. It’s really a neat experience.

While I do live in Utah now, Wyoming will always be home as that is where I spent the first 20 years of my life. I have a lot of fond memories growing up in Wyoming.

Wyoming has the smallest population out of any state in the United States, so when you’re a kid growing up in Wyoming, you kinda have to make the fun.

This took many shapes whether it be building four-wheelers with my K’nex, planning your next fort to build with your friends, or even sweeping all of the hay up in the top of the barn so you can open up a restaurant. (Yes me and my cousins did this and no we never opened the restaurant, we were like 8.) 

I am very fortunate to have a loving family that I grew up around. My family is very religious yet, I am not. I realized this when I graduated high school and quit going to church.

Being very worried about how this would affect my relationship with my father and the rest of my family, I can now say that I am extremely grateful for them. They have all accepted my life choices and let me be who I want to be, judgment-free. I will forever love them.

I moved to Utah in 2019 at the end of the year to pursue my career in welding. As you all know, 2020 is when COVID-19 hit and many people’s lives were affected. I was extremely lucky in the way things played out.

When I showed up to Utah I had 6 grand in savings and I managed to blow that in 2 months! But, in March, the school I was going to was forced to move all their classes online.

The story is actually pretty funny. I remember my late 70’s welding instructor telling the class, “All these colleges are going to online classes and they expect us to, but you can’t teach welding online!”

And then about a week later we were told that our course had been moved online. But, this was fortunate for me. I ended up taking a leave of absence in order to find a job and rebuild my savings.

Up to this point, I had never been out on my own so going out and living on my own was a very daunting task and I was quite frankly frightened. My town didn’t even have stoplights. The closest one to where I lived was half an hour north so I never went through that thing.

I don’t even think I had driven through a stoplight at this point. So moving to a town with stoplights at every intersection, that was a city to me, and I was terrified.

But now I’ve been living in Utah for three years. I have had so many wonderful and terrible experiences that have happened since. I’ve made friends and lost friends. Some of which have been with me from the start. I’ve learned to accept it though.

I live with my aunt and uncle right now where rent is so high. It’s a good place for me. It’s helped me to get out of my cocoon of sadness, cheered me up, and gave me the space to find the help that I need. So yeah, I am at one of the happiest points in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Well, I only really started taking my mental health seriously back in March. However, now looking back I can see that I have struggled with Anxiety and Depression my whole life.

As of one week ago, I can now add ADHD to the list of things I have always struggled with. Getting this ADHD diagnosis really adds depth to it all that I never could have seen. The lonely nights, the terrible performance, and the general lack of motivation.

As I said, I have been experiencing these things for as long as I can remember. When it comes to depression, I got very depressed when my first best friend replaced me with other more popular kids. This tore my poor little soul apart.

I remember crying many times, missing my dear friend and all the wonderful memories we had. Wanting so badly to be like the other kids so he would take me back. But he never did and I honestly can’t stand him anymore for what he did to me.

When I got into 5th grade, my teacher was not very nice to me due to me struggling with ADHD. This was extremely depressing and anxiety-inducing. I still don’t know how to longhand double digit divide because of this teacher. I genuinely did not understand the way she was teaching the concept.

But, after two or three attempts to ask for help, my teacher would yell at me and then send me into the hall crying. This destroyed my social reputation and self-esteem.

So the next year, in sixth grade, I was bullied relentlessly fueling the depression and anxiety I had already been experiencing. I wouldn’t participate with the class in games preferring to sit to the side and avoid all social interactions. Because I knew if I participated, I would just be subjecting myself to the put-downs of the popular girls.

Going into middle school, we see sadness arise from almost losing yet another best friend to the popular kids. This led me down the same road as before. Crying, fearing that my friend may move on and forget me and the relationship I had. So once again I tried to shift crowds with him.

This was almost my downfall. I started hanging out with a kid that happened to be a VERY BAD influence. Luckily this kid moved away after middle school and no longer played a part in my life after that. To give you an idea, this kid tried to rob a gun store after he moved. So yeah, glad I dodged that bullet.

Now I feel at this point, I should address ADHD and the effect it had upon me up to this point. In elementary school, my mother was always confused because I would read a book and then never test it. My reading grade was terrible because of this. She would take me in to take the test after school and I would score 100%. 

This eventually led to me losing my beloved dog in fifth grade. My dad says he told me if I didn’t get my reading grade up, he would get rid of Gage. I didn’t remember this probably due to ADHD and one day I came home after a long, depressing, anxiety-ridden day expecting to see my dog.

He was nowhere to be found. I asked my dad where he was and he just told me,” A snowmobiler from Montana came and picked him up.” I never got to say goodbye. Over the years we have had many dogs but Gage was my dog and I loved him.

I spent the rest of the night crying in my room missing my best friend. This wasn’t the only night that this had happened. In fact, I’ve been crying writing this because I still miss my friend.

ADHD continued to rule my life well into middle school and onwards. While teachers could keep my attention in class, the homework was about as boring as can be and it never got done. Thus, grades tanked and led to much disappointment.

A lot of teachers would see how smart I was when they were teaching something that I liked but they couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t do the work. This is about the time when every teacher began feeding me the depressing mantra,” You would do so much better if you would just apply yourself.”

I heard this from almost every teacher from this point till the end of my schooling career. I didn’t even know what that meant and it hurt. Because when you don’t know you have ADHD, this becomes an attack on one’s personal character.

So this became me. Someone who didn’t apply themselves. Someone who was lazy. And not someone who couldn’t do the hard work but someone who just wouldn’t. As if I had a choice in all the procrastinating and forgetting. When you have ADHD you don’t choose these things. They just happen.

I didn’t want to be 32 assignments behind in math. I didn’t want to barely graduate with a 2.1 GPA. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to my parents and teachers. It all just happened and there was no way for me to control any of it. But after so long you believe it all was your fault.

Eventually, I did graduate, launching me into the many struggles of holding a steady job. My first job I actually thrived at. This was working at a little retail store in town. Every day presented something new to deal with. The ADHD mind loves this.

Always something new to keep the mind entertained. From making shopping cart trains with the electric cart, to watching people get arrested for shoplifting. Every day was an adventure and I loved it.

A year later that place closed down and I found a job at the local Radioshack. Yes, you read that right. 2019, in a small town, run by a nearly 80-year-old man, Radioshack. It was as boring as it sounds and the only entertainment I got at that job was the 70-year-old man who worked there with me.

Other than that, there was no motivation to get anything done. My boss was always disappointed with me whenever he came around. And I almost made the store close down because it was losing so much money. But now I realize, that’s not entirely my fault. It’s a Radioshack in Wyoming. It was destined to fail.

After that wonderful experience I started my welding career by heading off to school. This required a lot out of me and it promptly started off with a panic attack in my mother’s shower at 8 in the morning when I should’ve been packing my car. My grandparents were eventually able to help me calm down and I did get moved.

I started school and this is when I met my first real girlfriend. If you don’t think that ADHD affects relationships, well, it does. I was completely infatuated with this girl for the first little while. I loved her and everything about her.

However as time went on, we grew distant as I wouldn’t be as excited by her or her interests anymore, and from her perspective, it looked as though the relationship had become about me.

She’s not wrong in looking at it this way. I wanted to do what I wanted to do because what she wanted to do didn’t interest me. I wanted to play my video games and she wanted to ride her horses. And after living together for a year and a half, she ripped my heart to pieces and moved 13 hours away to New Mexico.

I only had a week with her after finding out that she was doing this and it hit me like a truck. The day she told me, I had to leave and process what she’d said.

So, I went out to a field, laid in some dirt, stared at the sky, and cried for the next hour. She broke up with me about a month later and you could see in her text message that I had made the relationship about me. And now I know why.

Since then I’ve had two more relationships that never went anywhere because I lost interest in them. I still miss my ex and I don’t know when I’ll have another relationship like I had with her. This is single-handedly the most depressing thing I deal with. It’s about once a month I go into a depressive episode missing her.

And here we are now! Working my welding job and loving life! ADHD is always at work forgetting where my tape measure is or where I set my gloves. I make silly mistakes sometimes because I’m not paying attention and so I measure the wrong length or forget to change settings on machines.

The other day I had to grab some wrenches about 10ft away and within that distance, I forgot what I was doing and began eating Cheese-Its. I’ll pull out my phone to check the time and forget to check the time, opting to check my notifications instead. Every day is a struggle but, at least I can now see it for what it is!

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Having ADHD, depression, and anxiety is like having the dream team of “you’re gonna have a crappy day!” ADHD just makes the highs really high and the lows really low and the lows are just compounded by anxiety and depression.

When you’re in the highs it’s like hitting New Year’s all over again. You make all these wonderful resolutions/goals that you swear you are gonna follow through with.

Then a week to two weeks later, all that has gone to the wayside and you are right back to the habits you were so sure that you were going to conquer a few weeks before.

Once you slip back into those habits, the anxiety and depression hit like a truck. You’re anxious because you feel the need to stick to your goals but you can’t because your ADHD won’t let you. Then you get depressed because you feel like you will never be able to reach your goals.

The goals extend far and wide as well. It’s not as simple as I wanna lose 10 pounds. No, it’s more along the lines of I want to become a world-class bodybuilder.

As Peter Shankman says in his book Faster than Normal “When you have ADHD, there is no such thing as moderation.” So all the many hobbies that I have tried to start or thought would be fun. You find me thinking about what it would be like to be the best in the world.

Lately, my obsession has been singing. If you could look into my brain, you would not see someone starting a small YouTube channel to showcase new songs. Instead, I am thinking about who could be in my band and envision myself on big stages playing top songs.

A while back I really wanted to get into gem faceting (cutting gemstones). I have always had a fascination with rocks, so I thought it was right up my alley. Instantly I am thinking about cutting hundreds of thousand dollar stones and making beautiful works of art. However, this is an expensive hobby and the lack of funds eventually led to loss of interest.

Other hobbies I have dreamed about include Geology, Space Photography, Astrophysics, 3D Modeling, Mountain Biking, Freestyle Skiing, Park Skiing, War History, YouTube, Twitch, Video Game Development, Car Design, Vehicle Modding, Drawing, Music Production, Writing, Piano, Competitive Gaming, Videography, Social Media Marketing, Weight Lifting, Traveling, Self Help, Stoicism, Podcasting. I could list off so many more but I think you get the idea.

Eventually, you will try your hardest to stick to your newfound obsession but all the drive will be gone and it will actually feel sickening and depressing to even touch the hobby.

Then you start wondering, what’s wrong with you? Why can’t you follow through with anything? Can I even achieve my goals? And it all gets so very depressing.

You literally go from mentally planning your whole future out in your head to hating the very thing you were so excited about in a matter of two weeks.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Anxiety and depression have both gone down drastically since I moved and switched jobs. From the people that I know who have experienced depression or anxiety, there is often something in one’s environment that is causing the problem.

In my case, it was the job I was at where my boss expected way too much out of me for way too little. I soon realized this when it became obvious that he was lying about how we were performing in hopes of making us work harder. Spoiler, it had the opposite effect.

The anxiety had actually gotten so bad that back in March I had the worst panic attack of my life. It was work-induced and I was scared because my body legitimately locked up and I couldn’t move. Spooky!

However, when I went to the ER they prescribed me medication. As crazy as this may sound, I had no idea that they had medication for that! This was an eye-opening realization to me that this thing that you have had your whole life… Yeah that’s not normal.

So after having this major panic attack, I decided something needed to change. I was super depressed and I had started taking anxiety meds almost every day at work to keep the panic attacks at bay. So I started therapy!

Oftentimes males are super hesitant to open up to strangers about their feelings and what they’ve got going on in their life. Yet, I took the approach of I need the help and this person is here to help me and this was one of the best things I could’ve done. It took me only about a month with my therapist’s help to connect the dots to my terrible job.

This got me daydreaming at work about quitting and moving closer to my friends and boy did that excite me. Eventually, my boss pushed me over the edge and I pulled the trigger. I wrote my boss a letter telling him I was going to search for a new job. Instantly I felt better.

No longer did I have the ever-present pressure to give another 100% after giving 110% I ended up finding a job and moving and WOW my life is so much better. I haven’t taken anxiety meds since I left and I honestly don’t even think about them anymore.

Now, throughout therapy, there were some other things, aside from work, that came up in our discussions that were depressing me. Lack of motivation, inability to complete tasks, lack of goals, jumping from hobby to hobby. And every time I brought one up, my therapist would say, “That could be a symptom of ADHD.”

Up to this point, ADHD wasn’t something that I thought about. No, ADHD up to this point had just been something that my mother mentioned getting me tested for when I was a kid. After which I proceeded to start crying.

After all, I thought that if I got diagnosed with ADHD that meant I was stupid and disabled (I do not think this anymore). Why wouldn’t a kid start crying if that’s what they thought their mother said. So she never got me tested.

So, when I finally quit my job and moved south I made it my goal to get tested for ADHD and finally get an answer to some of my life’s most pressing questions.

I moved in April and it took me some time to finally get around to it. The thing that finally pushed me over the edge was the weekend of September 30th of this year. That weekend I was going to my first ever concert!

‘Falling in Reverse’ was opening for Avenged Sevenfold and I couldn’t be more excited. Falling in Reverse is one of my FAVORITE bands. I worked that Friday and as it is coming home from work on a Friday, I was exhausted.

I came home and took a nap, no big deal. Well after I had my nap, my girlfriend was gonna come over and my room was trashed. Gotta clean!

The very first thing I did was some laundry. I had gotten into the habit of leaving my wallet and keys in my pants so I wouldn’t lose them. Well, I cleared out my pockets. BIG MISTAKE!

I took my wallet along with a stack of papers and I put it all in my dresser drawer. My girlfriend comes over, we go to get snacks. No wallet. I begin ripping my bedroom apart! All that work I had done making my bedroom look nice, doesn’t even matter anymore.

Eventually, my girlfriend just said she’d buy the snacks and I calmed down. Besides, I’ll find it when I get back right? Wrong. Honestly, I forgot to look until about an hour before I was supposed to leave for the concert. I didn’t find it.

At this point, the anxious side of me is going nuts. Not only am I going to have to ask my friend to buy everything for me at the concert tonight, but I’m also going to have to cancel all my cards, get new ones, get a new driver’s license, get a new insurance card, and a whole host of other things. It’s worse when you have ADHD too because you never really know when you’ll get any of this done.

So Monday rolls around, but still no wallet. At this point, I am going through my head mentally drawing up everything that needs to be done to fix this. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I knew my wallet couldn’t be lost unless it was stolen or I dropped it somewhere. I finally called a mental health clinic and scheduled a test. Between the excessive fidgeting and the excessive loss of items at work, I was fed up and ready to find help. And me losing my wallet finally did it in.

Mind you, at this point, I had not found my wallet which means no insurance card. No insurance card means no coverage and thus yet another thing for me to worry about. I couldn’t care less at this point.

So after I had gotten home from work, my anxiety was running strong. Just that constant feeling that you are on edge and something bad’s coming your way. So later in the evening, I turned to my release, journaling.

But I haven’t been able to find my journal since well, Friday. Hmmm, maybe if I find my journal I’ll find my wallet. At that point, I remembered the stack of papers that I had and I thought maybe I had stuffed them into a drawer. I opened the drawer and sure enough, there’s my journal, and under my journal, THE EVASIVE WALLET!

Since then, I have been tested. I do have ADHD. I actually learned that just a few days ago and I couldn’t be happier. When you go 23 years with ADHD not knowing, the moment you start researching ADHD and the effects it has on people, your life changes. It really does!

I have always thought that I was normal. No different than everyone else. But I never questioned why I struggled so much more on the easy tasks than everyone else.

Through Middle School my grades were awful. Got called to the principal’s office so many times because of this. I was kicked off the middle school football team for poor grades. Never got to go on school ski trips which was really sad to me because my parents never took me skiing.

Going into High School. I was signed up for a jump start. I did fine in jump start. I actually quite enjoyed it but this was then followed by 4 years of disappointing my parents and teachers.

Failing in even the classes that I enjoyed, such as welding, robotics, engineering, and foods. I finished High School with a 2.1 GPA barely graduating.

My joke has always been,” I needed a D on that test in chemistry to graduate, and boy did I get that D!” But, now, I look back with sadness because, unlike most people who hated high school, I loved it!

Hanging out with friends all day, learning cool things about science, history, English, and participating in extracurricular activities. Why would I ever say I hated it or didn’t care? Because that’s just what I was told.

With ADHD there are always moments where it turns around for a while. My room was clean about a week ago. Now there is trash and clothes everywhere and it’s kinda just the way I am existing right now.

You’ll get these magical bursts of motivation that push you in the right direction but motivation is fleeting with ADHD and about a week or two later, it won’t matter how easy you’ve made it, you’ll stop doing whatever it was. This feeds into the depression.

However, I do feel like I am making progress as a diagnosis is a great step in the right direction. I am gathering the resources I need to help myself be more successful and it does feel good.

The diagnosis has most importantly helped me to realize what I am and what I am not. Because of this, the extreme self-degradation has gone down and I feel so much more free to embrace the silliness of it all.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

ASK FOR HELP! I cannot stress this enough. I would not be where I am now if it weren’t for the support group I have around me. I used to be so scared of asking for help, especially because of ADHD.

This is because when I was a kid, asking for help or asking questions was often met with degrading or hurtful comments. Couldn’t find something, Mother comes in finds it, and says “It would help if you open your eyes!”.

Didn’t understand what the teacher was teaching, “It’s super simple and you are just not paying attention!” Brain didn’t react to Dad’s question so I responded with,” What?” Dad responds,” Did I st st stutter?!”

All these things really add up and so you start to build a shell around you and think no one wants to help you. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized there are a lot of people out there whose only job is TO HELP YOU! 

I cannot tell you how excited I am that I can unabashedly ask for help. I am just plotting out all the help I can get all the time and it feels so awesome.

I’ve already got my therapist and I just recently added a psychiatrist to the roster. Imagine all the others I’ll add. ADHD Coaches… Career Consultants… All these wonderful people who are there to make my life more enjoyable are no longer behind this wall that I had put up.

I would also say, anyone who thinks they could be struggling with a mental illness, do some research. ADHD up until about a month ago was only a possibility in my head and I thought if I had it, it was probably only affecting me a little bit.

But as I listened to podcasts and browsed the ADHD subreddit, I slowly began to learn what it means to actually have ADHD. Eventually, I had the experience that most people with undiagnosed ADHD go through. The experience of understanding your whole life.

Mind you, this happened within a matter of two days, and from these two days, I actually came out scared that I wouldn’t get the diagnosis. So as you can see this shifted my entire worldview. I honestly think everyone should at least research mental disorders a little bit to at least understand what neurodivergent people go through.

Medication is also a big thing for me as well. By no means am I a professional but, data does suggest that medication is really beneficial to those with mental health disorders. The negative stipulation is something that has personally affected my family.

My sister actually has ADHD as well and we’ve known this from an early age. When she was diagnosed, she was put on Ritalin. This was around the time of the Columbine School Shooting where the assailant had been using a psychotropic drug leading up to the shooting.

Because of this, my mother had to listen to everyone questioning her for putting my sister on drugs. My mother had been trying to find the help she needed with my sister and up to this point doctors had told her that it was her just being a bad parent. Even going as far as to give her books on parenting.

She was eventually able to find a doctor who told her she wasn’t a bad parent and that her daughter had a 7-second attention span. After that, she was put on Ritalin and the doctor didn’t even believe it was the same child when she brought my sister back for a follow-up.

The medication was life-changing for my mother and from what I understand it’s the same with most people that struggle with ADHD.

Even when I got my anxiety medication I noticed a difference. Every time I knew it was going to be a rough day, I would take a pill, and everything would be ok.

Up to that point, my boss had to do any small thing to ruin my day and leave me anxious for the rest of the day. So the medication was a godsend.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes I have actually! I haven’t quite decided if this is a good thing yet. My reasoning for sharing this information is that it takes a lot of the mistakes I make off of my character. These people can then understand why I do the things I do and they can either accept it or deny it.

It no longer becomes my problem and I can continue to try to implement the systems that will help with a sort of shield from all the scrutiny. If they question me for asking for help or doing things a different way then I can simply turn to them and say,” I am asking for help/doing it this way because it is easier for me.

If you’d prefer I do things your way then just understand it will take longer or may never get done. Are you ok with that?” At that point, I have laid it out for them and they choose where it goes from there.

However, this has proven tough in certain aspects because, as mentioned in previous sections, no one knows what ADHD actually is and what we actually struggle with.

So when I tell my supervisor that due to my ADHD, I can’t do the inspection phase of a build, he just responds with,” Oh this doesn’t mean you can start using that as an excuse.”

Or when it comes to not cashing checks, my mom says,” Well this is your finances so this needs to take a bit more priority.” Little do they know, I have always struggled with the inspection phase and I can’t simply choose to prioritize one section of my life. I am simply trying to make the inspection phase easier and I will never do it if I spend too much time on one thing.

I think I’ll stick to telling people that I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. The biggest thing is just making sure to educate them as to why I’m doing what I do and making sure they understand.

At the end of the day, I am the one who is part of the 5% so, I can’t expect anyone to understand what it’s like to be me and it’s my job to make sure they understand.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You are not alone. It is easy to get used to living with a disorder for so long and you think everything is ok and normal. But when you find out you are not normal by neurotypical means, it can be a depressing feeling like no one understands.

I am here to tell you that is not the case. There are millions of people struggling with the same things that you are. As dumb as it may sound I know a lot of us have sat at our computers in our underwear when we should be getting dressed for the day.

This isn’t just my experience, I heard it in the book Faster than Normal. I was at work when I heard it and remember just saying out loud, “THATS ME! Wait… that’s scarily super close to me.” Why is it so accurate? Because we are all sharing the same experience! Yeah, that’s how closely our experiences are connected.

So when you’re struggling and feel like no one understands, know that I understand. I lose my keys on the bed. I forget what I’m doing walking into another room. My room is trashed. I buy stuff I don’t need. We all do!

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain: Peter Shankman has really figured his ADHD out and he offers a lot of good advice in this book.
• Hacking your ADHD: William Curb finds so many great guests who share their struggles with ADHD and how they’ve managed it and used it to their advantage.
• How to ADHD: – This channel has a lot of great advice when it comes to focusing on specific problems that come with ADHD.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

All I really have is YouTube and Twitch but heh, my ADHD makes it hard to stay regular. Check them out if you’d like. They are mostly just gaming content.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How an ADHD Diagnosis Helped Me Understand My Life and Turn It Around With Therapy appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m Tiffany McGee, spirituality and relationship expert, and founder of Nomadrs — a popular site focused on spirituality, relationships, mental wellness, and lifestyle.

I consider myself a digital nomad and my website is completely inspired by my nomadic experiences around the world. Currently, I’m enjoying the beautiful landscapes and rich culture of Georgia, where I’m based for a few weeks.

Professionally, I run Nomadrs, write and edit articles, and communicate daily with my team of writers from all corners of the globe. Besides, I constantly engage with a global community that shares my enthusiasm for travel, spirituality, and wellness.

On the personal front, I’m in a long-distance relationship with my partner who lives in Austria. The distance can be challenging, but it’s also a testament to the strength and depth of our connection.

Back in Vienna, I’m the proud owner of three adorable poodles. They’re my fluffy bundles of joy, and although I miss them while traveling, they’re in the best hands with my partner.

Speaking of happiness, yes, I do consider myself a happy person. This lifestyle, the people I meet, the places I see, and the work I do—all of it contributes to a sense of fulfillment and joy in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Two years ago, I received a diagnosis that reshaped my understanding of myself: major depression. Alongside depression, I also struggled with anxiety, burnout, and panic attacks, so it was sort of comorbid. 

The symptoms were diverse: feelings of sadness and hopelessness, physical exhaustion that didn’t improve with rest, and moments of intense, overwhelming anxiety that culminated in panic attacks. The problem was not only psychological – my hormones were out of balance as well.

Back then, I had a traditional 9-5 job. The stress from this job, coupled with a feeling that my life was just an endless cycle of work with no real fulfillment or balance, played a significant role in the onset of my depression. 

As time went on, these issues started to affect me more and more. Some days were slightly better and initially, I tried to brush them off as just stress or a temporary bad phase.

But as the months passed, it became clear that my condition deeply impacted my daily life, my work performance, and my relationships.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst, the struggle with depression made me feel like I was stuck in a deep, dark place. Happiness seemed far away, and I was always in a bad mood. I wasn’t even trying to hide it — I just didn’t fully understand how bad it was. 

My friends and partner could tell something was wrong, especially with my constant moodiness and my health issues, like irregular periods. It was a tough time where I felt disconnected from everything, not really aware of how much I was actually struggling.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Now I realize that I had that moment. Back then, when I was dealing with depression, everything seemed so blurred, like I was looking at my life through a foggy window. 

But the moment of clarity came unexpectedly. It was during a particularly tough week when I hadn’t left my small apartment for days, and my living space was cluttered with unwashed dishes and unopened emails. 

I was sitting on the floor and aimlessly scrolling through podcasts that I hoped would lift my mood. It was one of those podcasts that made me realize my body was screaming for help.

If I remember correctly, it was one of the episodes from Christina The Channel on Spotify about amenorrhea (It’s a pity I stopped journaling and didn’t even make any kinds of notes. I felt at my worst so I couldn’t see how these reflections could affect me in the future). Anyway, it wasn’t as widely known, but something about an episode on dealing with stress and anxiety resonated deeply with me. 

I can’t say that listening to these podcasts actually improved my condition. But this process was indeed important to push me towards finally receiving professional help.

This podcast episode made me realize that my body and mind were more connected than I had ever thought. And it was a wake-up call to take my health more seriously.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I completely changed my daily routine and the way I understood the concepts of “health” and “well-being”. I’d like to discuss the main steps I took that may inspire others who deal with the same problem:

1) My first step was engaging in online therapy, as leaving home felt too overwhelming. My therapist played a crucial role in guiding me through this journey.

She encouraged me to undergo medical checkups, which led to getting my hormone levels checked and eventually starting on medication. This medical intervention, combined with therapy, laid the foundation for my healing process.

2) My therapist suggested me to join her mindfulness meditation practices. I joined her sessions, which were conducted in a small community setting.

This experience was more than just learning to meditate — it was about connecting with others who were on similar paths and finding hope in shared experiences. Being part of this group helped me to stay committed to the practice and provided a sense of belonging.

3) I tried to continue what was once my hobby — journaling. However, I found it to be rather challenging — focusing on writing was difficult. As a solution, I opted for video journaling.

I would record myself talking about my progress and feelings. Most of these videos are hard for me to watch now. They often involved tears and intense self-reflection. But these recordings were sort of like catharsis, they helped me process and release pent-up emotions.

4) I made a promise to myself to prioritize self-care. This meant resting when needed, indulging in simple pleasures like watching childhood movies, and easing up on previously strict rules around food and exercise.

I realized that being too restrictive wasn’t helping my recovery. Allowing myself these small liberties played a huge role in my overall well-being.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I felt quite comfortable sharing my experiences with those close to me, particularly my partner and friends. They were aware of all the details of my struggle. I chose not to share anything about my mental health struggles with my parents, though.

They weren’t living in the same country as me, and I didn’t want to add to their worries or stress them out. At that time, it seemed like the right decision to keep them out of the loop to protect them. 

However, as time passed and I began to understand and manage my mental health better, I opened up to them. Now, they know everything about my experience. 

Today, I don’t have any reservations about sharing my experiences. In fact, I believe it’s important to be open about mental health struggles. Working in the wellness niche, I feel it’s part of my responsibility to set an example for my readers. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

If someone finds themselves in a situation similar to what I experienced, my advice would be to listen to your body, not just your mind. Often, our bodies give us the first signals that something isn’t right.

It can be symptoms like exhaustion, changes in appetite, or sleep disturbances. Just don’t ignore them — they are often the key to understanding and starting to address deeper issues.

There were times when I was hard on myself, thinking I should be able to ‘snap out of it.’ But mental health doesn’t work that way. It’s a journey that requires time, care, and often, professional support. That’s why you need to be gentle with yourself.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Masterclass “Developing Your Personal Power” from Ideapod’s co-founder Justin Brown — I took this masterclass in the middle of my headline process. The main idea of it is to understand the subconscious patterns that often hold us back.
  It helped me identify and break free from limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns that were deeply ingrained in my psyche. I think this resource might be one of the reasons why my perspective toward mental wellness changed for good.
• Rudá Iandê’s shamanic Breathwork exercise — In the beginning, I was pretty skeptical about relaxation techniques and exercises widely available on the internet. But somehow, this one did make a difference.
  The instructor of this course is a shaman, Rudá Iandê, whose methods are deeply rooted in ancient wisdom yet perfectly applicable to modern life challenges. The breathwork sessions were therapeutic to me. I have to admit that he has multiple other resources (I tried 3-4 of them) and they still inspire and guide me.
• Huberman Lab’s Podcast — I’m sure it’s a familiar podcast to anyone who’s into mental health podcasts on Spotify. Listening to this podcast helped me gain a scientific perspective on mental health issues, including depression and anxiety.
  The episodes provided me with insights into how our brains work, the impact of stress and hormones on our mental state, and practical, science-backed strategies for improving mental health. This knowledge still inspires my content and advice on Nomadrs.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You’re welcome to explore my website, Nomadrs, where you’ll find a range of blog posts focusing on mental wellness, spirituality, and the digital nomad lifestyle.

You can also connect with me on social media for more personal updates and daily inspirations. Here’s the Facebook page of Nomadrs.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I’d like to point out the importance of building a support network throughout my journey.

I believe that the role of a strong, understanding support system is invaluable, especially when you’re struggling with mental health issues. When you know that you have people who listen and provide encouragement, it can make a significant difference. 

My heartfelt advice to anyone feeling down or struggling is to reach out to someone. It could be a friend, a family member, a therapist, or even a support group.

Go ahead and simply share what you’re going through. Sometimes, just knowing that there is someone who listens and understands can bring immense relief and perspective.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Therapy and Medication Helped Me Overcome Depression, Anxiety and Burnout From Work appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello! I’m Heythem. I hold a Psychology degree and am deeply passionate about martial arts. This combination fuels my blog, exploring the intersections of mental and physical health.

My home is in Trier, Germany, where I grew up. However, my love for travel often takes me around the globe, and I share these adventures on my blog.

Besides my dedication to writing and studying, I’m a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practitioner. Whether at home in Trier or exploring new corners of the world, I’m always engaged in writing, studying, traveling, and doing Jiu-Jitsu.

It took me a long to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Now I feel I got it, and that keeps me motivated and confident for the future. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

A few years ago, when I started going to University, I felt lost. I had a hard time integrating with the new environment. Looking back I can say that my experience with social anxiety and depressive symptoms started there. Although I believe I wouldn’t have been officially diagnosed with these disorders, I experienced many symptoms. 

It started in 2019 when I began university in Luxembourg after spending some time traveling in Australia and Asia post-high school. As an Iraqi immigrant in Germany, I often struggled to fit in, and this feeling intensified when I returned to start my studies.

Initially, I was motivated to be part of the new environment, but inside, I felt out of place. I remember how exhausting it was to maintain a persona just to be liked. Over time, this constant effort began to wear me down. 

I started avoiding social situations and isolating myself. My self-esteem plummeted, and I often felt inferior to others in every pursuit. In social settings, I’d stutter and speak too fast, a big contrast to my usual self. My energy levels dropped; I slept a lot and lost interest in activities I once enjoyed.

This internal struggle was a new experience for me. Before university, people perceived me as social and happy, but the reality was quite different internally.

The past traumas of not fitting in came back, and the feeling of being an outsider crept up, leaving me feeling like I did in high school. It was gradual, from trying hard to fit into avoiding most social interactions altogether. 

It’s funny looking back. I left Germany after High school because I wanted to escape my troubles. And I did so eventually during my travels. 

But this is not how it works with problems. They don’t just leave you alone if you don’t confront from. I came back to my usual environment and the same issues came back again. 

So the first lesson I learned is to confront my issues. To look at the things I don’t want to look at. Because eventually, they will catch up on me. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

This struggle affected my happiness and well-being. Inside, I felt empty and numb. This wasn’t just a fleeting feeling but a constant state that made every day dull. 

I used to smile often, but that started to fade away.

What made this struggle worse was my lack of awareness about what I was going through. For a long time, I didn’t realize that the feelings I was experiencing were symptoms of anxiety and depression. I would rationalize avoiding social events or changing interests as normal shifts in mood or preference. 

I just thought I was too lazy or that I had better things to do. It’s fascinating to me to look back and see that I was not willing to see what was right in front of me. I was willing to be blind about my problems. I’d look away and find excuses for my behaviors. 

Because of this, the people around me were unaware of my internal struggles. They didn’t know because I hadn’t fully grasped it until later in my studies.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I hit rock bottom beginning of 2022. My girlfriend and I broke up. The only person who I was actually letting close to me. Looking back I can see that I wasn’t fair toward her. I’d let my frustration and anger out on her.

She wanted to be there for me but I’d push her away and drain myself in self-sorrow. That breakup left me feeling depressed and unwilling to interact with anyone. But hitting this low point was a wake-up call. I knew then that I needed to change something.

I knew that my life wasn’t heading where I wanted it to. 

When I started University I remember arriving at university filled with ambition, motivation, and a lust for life, but three years later, I was completely drained. This needed to change. I needed to take responsibility.

This realization led me to take a new direction. I had always been interested in MMA but never pursued it. There was this MMA gym I passed every day, just a five-minute walk from my place. I finally decided to give it a try. And it changed everything for me. 

I became obsessed with training, going 5-6 times a week. It was more than just physical activity; it was my escape, my therapy. It calmed me and reignited feelings I thought I had lost. I found a new ambition and drive in MMA. 

Within a month or two of starting, I began socializing again, attending events, and even going out for drinks. I was engaging with the world again.

The funny thing is, the MMA Gym was always right there. I passed it every day, thinking that I’ll go inside one day. It took me 3 years. 

I had to hit rock bottom first. It’s true that sometimes things need to get unbearable before we change something.

Looking back, I see a clear divide in my life: the time before MMA and the time after. The difference is huge. Starting MMA marked the beginning of a significant change, a shift in my life’s direction.

Ironically my girlfriend leaving me was the best thing that happened to me. It was the lowest point in my life. I felt like I lost everything at that moment. It made me get up and change my life.

So whenever I face a challenge now I think of this low point in my life. Now I know that challenges come into our lives to teach us something. That’s life’s way of talking to us. It’s leading us to something better. Dark times are our teacher. We just need to listen. And I wasn’t willing to for a long time. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Overcoming symptoms of depression and anxiety isn’t easy, obviously. For me, the first step was recognizing that I was experiencing these symptoms. This took some time and self-reflection.

In therapy, this is always the first step: Realization. If we are blind about our struggles, no healing will come. 

I had to sit down and honestly ask myself questions like, “Am I avoiding going out because I’m lazy or because I’m anxious?” and “Do I feel tired more often than usual?”, “Where did my drive and motivation go?”, “Why do I have so much resistance toward social gatherings?”.

I still remember the first time I considered that I may suffer from anxiety. I never thought of myself as an anxious guy. But that’s the tricky part about anxiety. It’s not always obvious. It can hide itself behind laziness, resistance, jealousy, and apathy. This realization was huge for me. 

Once I acknowledged these feelings, the next challenge was to take action, which is the last thing you feel like doing when you’re depressed or anxious. However, I learned that inactivity often fuels these symptoms. My body was practically screaming for physical activity. 

I felt a significant shift when I started giving it what it needed through MMA training. I became more confident and energetic. Alongside physical activity, eating healthier and treating my body well made a huge difference. It responded by being calmer and more resilient.

Of course, this doesn’t always help when you are stuck in depression. But now, whenever somebody tells me that they are depressed, my first question is always: Are you moving your body? I’m amazed how many of us avoid this step. 

Our bodies are designed to move. It doesn’t work properly if it’s inactive. And an unhealthy body means an unhealthy mind.

I also made a conscious effort to step out of my comfort zone. Knowing now that I had anxiety, I wanted to gradually expose myself to situations that triggered it. For example, I went to a pub where a friend was DJing, even though many of my university colleagues were there. 

It was tough, but I did it. I also participated in poetry slams, initiated lunch plans with peers at uni, and more. Each small step was a victory for me.

This process of realization, observation, and action made everything more manageable. I started to watch my emotions instead of being consumed by them.

With time, the symptoms of depression and anxiety didn’t disappear, but I became better at handling them. They are still part of my life, but now, they are under my control.

I see them now. I can spot them once they come up. So now it’s easier for me to let go of them.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

When I came to terms with my struggles, I chose to be open about them with my close friends. Reconnecting with many of them, I shared what was happening in my mind. This openness brought us closer, and their understanding and support were helpful. 

I also sought help from the university counselor, who assisted students with mental health issues. These conversations were also very valuable to me.

Talking about my struggles openly made the process of dealing with them much easier. Interestingly, when I shared my experiences, some of my friends began to reflect on their own mental health, wondering if they were facing similar challenges. This sharing helped me and opened a door for others to consider their own mental well-being.

There’s a saying that says: “The most personal experiences are the most universal ones”. That’s why it’s so important that we share our personal struggles with other people. Not only will it help us, but it will also help others to see their own struggles. 

But I understand that like physical activity, talking about our issues is not at all what we want to do when we struggle. It’s because talking about it will make it real. But in order to heal we need to make it real first. We need to face it. Share it. Confront it.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Move your body and look at the things you don’t want to look at. 

My piece of advice for anyone struggling with depression or anxiety is to move your body as much as you can. It might sound simple, but it’s incredibly effective.

Physical activity calms the mind, creating a clearer state to confront and address your problems. It’s a common tendency to do the opposite when we’re depressed: lying in bed, staying inactive. But it’s crucial to break this cycle.

I urge you to force yourself to get up and engage in any physical activity you enjoy. It could be a walk, a bike ride, or a visit to the gym. The key is to get out of your home and move.

For me, this approach worked wonders. It’s a proactive step that can make a significant difference in how you feel and handle your mental health struggles.

But that’s often not enough. In our lowest states, we don’t feel like doing anything. We want to be blind and just look away. But this will make it worse. We need to take responsibility and make an effort to look inside.

I will leave you with a quote from Carl Jung that stuck with me and I think holds true: What you most need will be found where you least want to look”

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer: This book was transformative for me. It taught me that the thoughts in my head aren’t who I am. Through his teachings, I learned to be present and to observe my emotions rather than being consumed by them.

It helped me understand myself better and see my anxiety and depression as entities separate from my core self. It was empowering to recognize that these symptoms are not an intrinsic part of me and that I can overcome them. This book is a powerful resource for anyone seeking insight into their inner self.

Works of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung

Also, talks and writings of Freud and Jung offered me a deep dive into psychodynamic theories. Their belief that healing comes from understanding one’s psyche resonated with me. They emphasize the importance of diving into our past and facing aspects of ourselves we might be reluctant to confront.

Their insights were crucial in helping me understand the roots of my struggles. As Freud and Jung advocate, this understanding is the first and most crucial step toward healing. Their works are a treasure trove for anyone seeking to explore the depths of their psyche and find pathways to healing.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

If you’re interested in reading more about my work, especially on mental and physical health, MMA, and supplementation, feel free to visit my website at heythemnaji.com. I regularly share insights and experiences there, focusing on these topics.

Also, I’m always open to connecting with new people and engaging in meaningful conversations. If you’d like to reach out, please don’t hesitate. You can contact me through my Instagram or LinkedIn.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Overcoming Social Anxiety and Depression Through MMA Training and Self-Realization appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m so honored to be here. My name is Sarah Ezrin. I’m an author and yoga teacher based in the Bay Area where I live with my two little boys (four and one and a half years old), husband, and our dog. I released my first non-fiction book five months ago today! It’s called The Yoga of Parenting and is definitely my third baby. 

I’m a freelancer for a number of different print and online publications and write on the subjects of parenthood, wellness, and mental health, often interweaving all three.

Though I still consider myself a yoga teacher, I’m not currently teaching on a schedule anywhere. But I still prioritize moving my body and try to do some kind of physical activity every day. I love mindful movement.

I definitely consider myself happy, overall, but I’m also scared 24/7. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so often I will feel anxious or worried without a specific cause. I just walk around with a general sense of dread. It manifests as butterflies in my solar plexus.

Some days I find myself fighting against it, trying to do everything I can to make it go away. This never works and only ends up exacerbating things! Other times, I am able to sit with it and be with it. 

Last night, I was reading in bed and I realized I didn’t feel scared and I tried to savor it, which of course, made me feel anxious!

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I’ve been grappling with mental health my entire life. I have been anxious for as long as I can remember (and the more I learn about generational trauma and epigenetics, the more I wonder if it’s been since birth!). 

At eight years old, there was a lot of turmoil in my home and I started acting out. I was misdiagnosed as having Bipolar disorder and put on a slew of medicines.

It took four years before I was accurately diagnosed with GAD and weaned off the medicine. For the next almost thirty years after that (I’m now 41), I lived with constant anxiety as my baseline. 

I fell in love with meditation and movement as temporary reliefs, but after class I would be right back where I started. I had my first son a few months before the COVID-19 shutdowns. Postpartum is already an isolating time, but then I was cut off from any support.

I was terrified from the moment he was born and deeply understood what people meant when they said, “Your heart is now walking outside of your body.”

My anxiety got progressively worse. I would be completely overwhelmed anytime I was out of the house with him. Everything seemed too loud. I was plagued by intrusive thoughts.

There were times I would be frozen and unable to take action. Sometimes that would happen while out in public with him. I was also incredibly angry. Angry with my husband, the medical system, and the world. 

When my son was around 8 months old, I found a psychiatrist I deeply trusted and he diagnosed me with Postpartum Anxiety Disorder and mild Postpartum Depression. It was a huge relief to be seen and understood and I started treatment. 

I began medication, which can be a bit of a taboo in the wellness and yoga worlds. A lot of people believe you can “heal” yourself through diet and meditation.

But I had been trying that approach my whole life and though I definitely had periods where my anxiety was lessened, this was a point where I needed way more help. I started Prozac and it literally saved my life.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I felt frozen with fear and completely locked up. Like someone had poured cement over me and I was unable to move, but at the same time, my heart rate was still super fast and I had the urge to run.

I just couldn’t because I was stuck. I would be physically exhausted, but my mind wouldn’t stop, which made sleep impossible. I was terrified to hand my baby to people. Yes, there was the real threat of the pandemic, but even with close family or pods, I felt this urgency to be with him.

I couldn’t really articulate what was happening, either. Which as a writer is unusual! Instead, it would come out in anger. I couldn’t see the bigger picture. I would only see the threat or disruption.

For example, if my husband took my son for a walk and they came back ten minutes late for his nap time, I’d be furious (read: scared) when they got home that his nap schedule was tampered with, rather than grateful for the break. 

There was very little joy. I’m someone who uses humor and laughter as medicine in the darkest of times, but I couldn’t find anything funny about what was happening. Even the most joyous moments with my son were tinged with darkness and thoughts about our mortality. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The Prozac took some time to settle into my system and in fact, I went through a week or so where I was completely wiped out and needed to sleep most of the day, but we figured out the right dosage, and little by little, everything began to feel lighter.

We had moved from our tiny apartment in San Francisco to a beautiful one-story home by the Bay, which also meant I was spending way more time outside. In SF, it’s often foggy and cold, but in Marin, the sun was shining more days than not and people were out and about. 

I think something lifted around the Fall of 2020 a month after we had lived in our new home. Our garden was filled with fallen leaves and I did a little photoshoot with the baby. I was crying and laughing because every picture was a mess. His eyes were closed or mine or the leaves were blocking the lens.

A few months prior I would have given up or gotten frustrated. Or not have the energy to continue. Instead, I was able to savor every second of the process and appreciate the blunders.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I’ve learned over the years of trial and error that there is never just one magic solution. It’s a tool kit of support and resources. All my years of yoga and meditation were still valuable, I just needed a little more help from medication.

And frankly, were it not for the Prozac calming my anxiety, I wouldn’t have been able to reap the benefits of my spiritual practices. It’s all cyclical and feeds into the next.

My advice to others going through a similar experience is not to expect any one thing to be the magic fix, but rather to embrace many different tools as a part of your mental health wellness tool kit. Also, don’t give up on something if it isn’t working.

For example, it takes a few tries to find the right dosage but also a few years to find the right therapist. Maybe yoga interests you, but you don’t like doing it in public. Try online courses. It takes time and attention, but you are worth that time and attention.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I’m very open about my journey and struggles both within my family and publicly through my social media platforms. Interestingly, I seem to be able to share more openly through my writing and online than in person, but I try to do both.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Your gut often knows what’s right for you way more clearly than society’s expectations or taboos. Trust that kind inner voice telling you that you are worth the work. You are.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I’m a mom of two very little kids, so my favorite author is Dr. Daniel Siegel. He’s a neurobiologist who’s written a number of books about how our brains respond and ways we can rewire old traumas. My favorite book of his is Parenting From the Inside Out.

Gabor Maté is brilliant when it comes to the topics of trauma and addiction. I love his conversational style. He was recently on Dax Shepherd’s podcast, Armchair Expert and it was brilliant.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

I’m a yoga educator, content creator, and a mom living in the San Francisco Bay Area. I also wrote a book called ‘The Yoga of Parenting‘. My passion lies in supporting others on their wellness and parenting journeys. Through my writing, classes, and social media presence, I strive to create a space where everyone can feel acknowledged and understood. If you’d like to know more or connect, feel free to reach out to me on Instagram TikTok, or YouTube.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I’m an open book and an oversharer, so I’m sure I covered more than you might have been expecting! A good question might be how things are going now.

I had a second son and the postpartum experience was completely different. It felt like a beautiful do-over and I really got to soak in the magic that is that post-birth time.

Both my sons are older now, my youngest is 1.5yr and my eldest is 4yr. My tool kit is pretty similar, though I meditate for much longer than I used to. I have also added in the program of Al-Anon which is for families and friends of alcoholics and that’s been a great source of peace for me.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Meditation and Wellness Helped Me Navigate GAD and Transform My Life appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Victoria! It’s so nice to meet you. I’m a 2x boy mama, intuitive healer, and embodiment coach who demystifies ancient energetic practices like Kundalini Yoga and the Akashic Records. I live in Atlanta, GA with my husband, Will, and our two boys, Sebastian (4), and Rocky (17 months). 

I’m super passionate about helping women uncover who they really are vs who society has told them to be. A miscarriage in 2018 sent me on the path of self-discovery, and since then, I’ve healed disordered eating, anxiety, and body dysmorphia with the somatic and energetic practices I teach my clients. 

I was always a happy person, but since diving deeper into my internal world and well-being, I’ve become the fully expressed version of myself I was always meant to be.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My anxiety started in college. I honestly wouldn’t have considered myself an overly anxious person, but often, before tests, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. My mind would continue to race with test questions, what-if scenarios, and if I was prepared enough.

Raised as an only child, it was around this time that I found out I was going to be a big sister – a 20-year-old big sister. 

This feeling of out-of-controlness started to spread beyond test time, and soon, I was binging and purging daily. Looking back, I think it was a mix of anxiety and OCD.

To me, what I ate (or didn’t eat) and put in my body was the only thing I could control. I was never formally diagnosed with either, but smoked weed daily to cope not realizing it would eventually make my anxiety worse.

On the outside, I was super high-functioning. I got good grades, and I had a lot of friends, but internally it was a roller coaster, and I felt really insecure.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, post-college, I think I truly hated myself. Again, to the outside eye, I was high-functioning, but I was making really poor decisions. I was cheating on my boyfriend at the time, partying for all hours, and doing anything I could to escape my reality.

I did workout regularly, and that definitely helped, but I was far away from family and everything I knew as a young adult in New York City. I was lonely, even if I wouldn’t admit that to myself. It’s a hard city to live in, and as an introverted extrovert, I didn’t really know how to take care of myself. 

I’d cycle from being out all hours of the night with tons of people to holing myself up in my room all day smoking weed and sleeping because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. I grew really frustrated at my job when I was looked over (rightfully) for a promotion, and I felt unfulfilled. 

If you talked to me at the time you probably thought I was living the dream, but it was a really dark time for me.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

My boyfriend and I at the time got into a really bad fight – probably one of our worst – and afterward I had this lightbulb moment of “this isn’t who I am.” This hateful, angry person wasn’t who I was raised to be, or who I really was at my core.

I also knew that our relationship was really and truly over. We’d kind of talked around it for a few months, but I made the decision to move back to the South after finding a new job. My boyfriend didn’t come with me. 

The weekend I flew to Birmingham, Alabama to try and find a new apartment and car at the same time was tough. I cried the whole time. I knew it was what I needed to do, though. 

Because I didn’t really know anybody, I was able to start over. I went back to Bikram Yoga – a form of hot yoga – multiple times a week, and I started to see glimpses of the real me again. 

Even though my anxiety felt like it was in check, I still carried a lot of anger. Truthfully, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully “healed,” or that anyone really is, but I’ve made peace with so many parts of myself. Healing has been a beautiful journey of uncovering myself, and although it’s hard, I’ve found it’s so worth it. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Moving my body was the start of it all. I’d been a dancer when I was younger – and even through college – but I’d stopped for a long time. Rediscovering my yoga practice allowed me to find peace within myself. Even if it was just for the duration of the class. 

Soon, I was taking yoga classes online daily. I really resonated with a fast-paced style of yoga called Buti because it incorporated dancing, but I encourage you to try many styles until you find the one you like.

I often put music on and just dance around the house. There’s no way you can do that and not feel good afterward. It’s an immediate endorphin high. I love doing it with my kids, too.

Now, I’m an avid Kundalini yogi. Kundalini is the yoga of awareness, and its mix of mudra (hand placements), mantra (sound current), and movement is really what changed it all for me.

I meet myself on the mat every single morning and it’s a place to study myself and my feelings. I often journal afterward to continue to uncover whatever is moving inside of me.

You have to feel your feelings. After spending years of numbing mine with weed and booze, I realized the only way out was through. You’re going to continue to walk around with all of these swirling, low-vibration emotions until you allow them a healthy release.

It doesn’t mean I’m perfect – far from it – but I’m able to give myself a lot more compassion and grace. I grew up being told I was too much or that I was overly emotional, but now I realize they’re my superpower. Tears are medicine.

When we’re feeling emotional, it just means that energy is in motion, which is a good thing. When things get stuck energetically and physically, that’s when it can manifest into anxiety, depression, etc.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I didn’t really talk about this with anyone for a long time, but I started my own podcast last June, Flip the Script with Vic, and it’s really helped me find peace. It’s also allowed me to see how so many others are struggling with the same things.

Talking it out to a microphone has been very therapeutic and far outweighs any notions I’ve had of “what will they think of me?” I was actually most scared to tell my grandmother a lot of these stories, and she’s been so encouraging and is my number one podcast listener.

I also share a lot on Instagram (@victoriamargauxnielsen), and it’s been amazing to see how it resonates with other people when I’m authentically myself. To be witnessed in that way is incredible.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You are worthy exactly as you are. And what you’re going through doesn’t define you – you get to do that. You get to choose how you move forward. 

Also, forgiveness is huge. Mainly of yourself. You did the best you could at the time, even if it doesn’t feel like it. All you can do is keep trying. Forgiveness means giving forward – you’re giving forward to your future. When you’re stuck ruminating in the past, you aren’t giving the future your full energy or attention. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

May Cause Miracles by Gaby Bernstein has been my most influential book!

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can find out more about my work here or join my beautiful community on Instagram. The Flip the Script with Vic podcast, a weekly pep talk to expand and shift your perspective, shares new episodes every Tuesday.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Yoga Helped Me Overcome Anxiety, Binge Eating and Body Dysmorphia appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Katy! While I currently reside on the island of Montreal, Canada, my roots trace back to a small town nestled along the majestic Temiscouata Lake. 

After having conquered the challenges of social anxiety, I discovered my life’s purpose. Today, I am a proud Social Anxiety Coach and Certified Hypnotherapist. 

Being able to guide others on their journey towards self-confidence is not just my profession but a genuine passion. It’s incredibly rewarding to witness the transformation and empowerment that my clients experience as they break free from the shackles of social anxiety. 

Through coaching and hypnotherapy, I empower individuals to rewrite their narratives, step into their true selves, and discover the strength they never knew they had. The sense of purpose and fulfillment I derive from this work is beyond words, and I feel truly blessed to walk this path.

As for happiness, it was not always the case, but my journey has led me to a place of contentment and joy. Life’s twists and turns have taught me that happiness isn’t a constant state but a series of moments we must savor.

Today, I find happiness in the connections I forge, the smiles I share, and the positive impact I have on the lives of others.

In this beautiful journey of self-discovery, I’ve learned that true happiness comes from embracing our authentic selves, and that’s a gift I strive to pass on to those I have the privilege to coach and support.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I used to struggle with social anxiety for as long as I can remember.

I felt an intense fear of judgment, criticism, and a belief that I didn’t fit in or that something was inherently wrong with me. The fear of being singled out or negatively evaluated in social situations was constantly present in my life. This fear manifested as physical symptoms like trembling, blushing, and rapid heart rate when I had to speak in public or engage in conversations.

I was always a shy and introverted child, which continued into adolescence. My struggle was significantly influenced by growing up in a small town where I felt like I didn’t fit in.

My racial background set me apart, and I internalized the belief that being different was something to be feared and ashamed of. The fear of judgment and criticism from others deepened during these crucial years, leading to a heightened sense of social anxiety.

Over time, my social anxiety developed into a pervasive force that impacted every aspect of my life. From avoiding social situations to self-censoring in conversations, it became a constant companion, restricting my growth and happiness.

However, the turning point came when it started impacting my performance at work. I had trouble expressing myself in meetings, and my boss told me to find a solution. I decided to confront and address this struggle head-on by joining a Toastmasters club.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

My struggle with social anxiety made me feel utterly isolated and profoundly unhappy. It was as if a dark cloud of self-doubt and fear constantly loomed over me. I felt like an outsider, disconnected from the world around me.

The anxiety was relentless, and it gnawed at my self-esteem and overall well-being. Happiness seemed like an elusive dream, something that others could experience but remained out of my reach.

The impact on my happiness was severe. I found myself avoiding social situations, which led to missed opportunities for personal and professional growth. The sense of isolation and loneliness was overwhelming.

The struggle with social anxiety prevented me from forming meaningful connections and enjoying the richness of life’s social interactions. It wasn’t merely a fleeting discomfort; it was a pervasive and persistent presence that tainted my experiences.

For a long time, I tried to hide my struggle from those around me. I didn’t want to burden others with my internal battles, and I was ashamed of my perceived inadequacies.

It wasn’t always clear to others that I was grappling with something so significant since I had been struggling for so long. They were not able to notice any changes. I

It wasn’t until I started my journey of self-acceptance and sought help that I began to open up about my social anxiety. It was a liberating step towards healing and recovery.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The fear of speaking up in meetings or making presentations became a significant barrier to my career advancement. I knew I couldn’t let this anxiety define my future any longer.

The change began when I decided to join a Toastmasters club, which provided a supportive environment for me to work on my public speaking skills and overcome my social anxiety.

My decision to take the initiative to join this club was a pivotal step, and it was driven by my own determination to break free from the limitations social anxiety had imposed on me.

My struggle with social anxiety had impacted me for several years before I found the catalyst for change in joining Toastmasters. It was a journey that had accompanied me from my youth into my professional life, so it took a considerable amount of time before I recognized the need for change and took that first step toward overcoming it.

Once I started on this path, however, the positive changes and improvements began to accumulate gradually, transforming not only my social anxiety but also my overall outlook on life.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Overcoming social anxiety was a transformative journey, and it was a culmination of various steps that, when taken together, allowed me to break free from its grip.

One of the most significant actions I took was joining a Toastmasters club. This provided a structured and supportive environment to improve my public speaking and communication skills.

I started small by attending meetings and gradually progressed to giving speeches, which were initially nerve-wracking but eventually became more comfortable. The club’s positive and constructive feedback helped build my confidence and minimize my fear of judgment.

Seeking professional help was another pivotal step. I consulted a coach who specialized in anxiety. During our sessions, I learned to identify and challenge irrational thought patterns that fueled my social anxiety. My coach helped me reframe these negative thought patterns and taught me strategies to manage anxiety in real-time.

Additionally, self-acceptance played a critical role. I learned to embrace my uniqueness and let go of the need to conform to societal norms. It was a process of acknowledging that it’s okay to be different and that my differences were not something to be ashamed of. I shared my story with like-minded individuals at Toastmasters, and their acceptance and support reinforced the idea that it’s okay to be myself.

If someone is in a similar situation, I recommend taking these steps as a starting point. Join a supportive group or organization that aligns with your goals, whether it’s Toastmasters or another community that allows you to practice social interaction and public speaking.

Seek professional help from a therapist or coach who specializes in anxiety. Their expertise can guide you in managing your anxiety effectively. Most importantly, remember that self-acceptance is a powerful tool.

Embrace your uniqueness, seek support from a like-minded community, and challenge negative thought patterns. These steps, when combined, can pave the way for significant progress in overcoming social anxiety.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I did not initially feel comfortable discussing my struggle with social anxiety with friends and family members. It took time and a growing self-acceptance to feel comfortable sharing my journey.

The first time I talked about it was in a speech in my Toastmasters club. Sharing my experiences in this supportive environment was a relief and helped me feel less isolated. Everyone was supportive and understanding; it helped me connect with them.

Eventually, as I began to overcome my social anxiety and gained more confidence, I became more comfortable discussing it with more people. I started writing about my experiences in a blog.

This process of opening up about my mental health struggles was a journey in itself, one that reflected my progress in managing social anxiety and finding self-acceptance.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

If I could offer one piece of advice to someone who is struggling with social anxiety, it would be to embrace self-acceptance and self-compassion. What I know now that I wish I had known earlier is that our harshest critic often resides within ourselves.

For years, I believed that social anxiety defined me, and it took a toll on my self-esteem and happiness. I wish I had understood sooner that it’s okay to be different, to have unique qualities, and to not fit into societal norms.

Understanding that social anxiety is not a life sentence and that it can be overcome through self-acceptance and finding a supporting community was a game-changer for me.

Recognize that it’s perfectly normal to have fears and insecurities, but these should not dictate the course of your life. Seek support, whether through therapy, coaching, or sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member.

You don’t have to face social anxiety alone, and there is a path to healing and self-discovery. By accepting yourself as you are, you can transform your relationship with social anxiety and unlock a world of possibilities.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think: This book provides practical techniques for identifying and challenging negative thought patterns that contribute to social anxiety. It helped me learn how to reframe and replace unhelpful thoughts with more positive ones.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me on my website, or find me on Instagram.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Overcame Social Anxiety and Became a Confident Coach to Help Others Do the Same appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m Sharanya Ramakrishnan, a 31-year-old woman living in Seattle, USA with my wonderful fiance and our 3-year-old Siberian Husky boy, Archer.

I work for Amazon Web Services as a Senior Tech Product Manager. I moved to the United States in 2016, to pursue my Master’s degree and have lived here since, building my career in tech, like so many others.

I grew up thousands of miles away in Bangalore, India, with doting parents whose lives revolved (and still do, to be honest) around my younger sister and me. They both worked very hard to provide us with all the opportunities we could ask for.

My dad has always been my biggest cheerleader. In his mind – there’s nothing his daughter can’t achieve if she wants to. My mother has been an absolute inspiration – though her education was cut shorter than she’d have liked, she used her thirst for knowledge to build a career she absolutely loved. Growing up, my sister and I had our love-hate phases but now, she is my person. I can’t imagine life without her. 

I feel grateful to live in the Pacific Northwest because I get to enjoy the great outdoors. I spend my weekends hiking, reading, volunteering, and exploring Seattle neighborhoods on long walks with my dog.

Archer and I welcomed my fiance into our lives about 2 years ago. I treasure the little moments we spend together as a family. They’re the ones who keep me going through life’s good and bad days.

When someone asks me, “Are you happy?”, I often say that I definitely am, based on my definition of happiness. I’ve realized that for me, happiness is being at peace mentally.

Having gone from a cheerful, easy-going yet ambitious young woman in her early 20s to an anxious, self-critical adult with low self-confidence in her late 20s to my present self now, I can say that I am grateful, therefore I am happy. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My struggle with Anxiety and Depression started with a mini-panic attack in early 2017. While it continued with minor instances, I hit my worst phase in late 2020 and struggled through most of 2021.

I was officially diagnosed with Clinical Depression in early 2022 and have been on antidepressants since October 2022. Yes, it sounds like a calendar of events, Depression milestones of sorts.

But what most people may not understand is that you never know when you’re going to have a panic attack. You never know when you’re going to wake up next with a horrible knot in your stomach, not wanting to leave your bed because that means your day has begun.

You, like me, may not even realize you’re HAVING a panic attack the first time. I still have the image etched in my mind. It was during my Masters and I had an assignment due in 6 hours. Simple, easy one which would probably take me an hour to complete.

But, for whatever reason, I sat there on my chair, feeling my hands and feet get very cold. I was scared but couldn’t logically explain why. It felt like I froze, mentally. I was numb.

Since then, I’ve had panic attacks ranging from cold hands and feet to lying on the floor crying my eyes out as a knot in my chest grew bigger and left me gasping, unable to breathe. But these are instances.

The part that was hardest to deal with was waking up every day, for months, going through your day, and doing the bare minimum. Because I just could not find a reason to do anything. I did not have the energy to live my life and that crushed me the most. 

Until I planned to leave home and move to the United States, life was a very balanced game of effort and reward. I worked hard in school, was consistently among the top students, and reaped my rewards in terms of appreciation and awards, job offers, etc.

The first blow was when I walked up confidently for my F1 student visa interview, with stellar grades and an admission to a University ranked among the top 5 in the US for my course, only to be rejected without any explanation.

This hit me hard. I’d done everything academically to stay on the path I’d dreamed of and convinced my parents, who had second thoughts about me living all alone in a new country so I was mentally preparing myself for the upcoming new chapter in life.

I managed to re-apply for my Visa and make it the same year to grad school. But, this was the first time in my life when I learned that it isn’t always an effort = reward game. 

Fast forward a few years, a few more life lessons but mostly a good life overall, and then came the time when all our lives came to a standstill. The Pandemic of 2020.

What started off as a week of working from home, while visiting my then (now ex) fiance was the beginning of the darkest phase of my depression. In 2020, I got stuck in Seattle for months, away from my home in the Bay Area where I was working then.

Coincidentally, I ended up interviewing and landing an offer with AWS and decided to move cities in mid-2020. So, I left behind the place that felt closest to home since my time in the US, the Bay Area, and all my friends.

I moved to Seattle, a city where I barely knew anyone, thinking it might be a good time to live with my fiance before getting married in November 2020. 

So, we started living together and I began my journey at AWS with an overdose of anxiety and imposter syndrome in July 2020. I let my love for dogs overrule my practicality and we got a puppy together, my first dog ever, Archer, in August 2020.

And somewhere between juggling a highly competitive tech job, raising a pup for the first time (a high-energy husky at that), struggling to communicate with my partner, and feeling isolated without my support system of friends during the pandemic, I slipped into what felt like a hopeless abyss.

Externally, people saw someone with a successful career, a relationship inching towards the wedding, and a beautiful pup to add to the joy. Internally, it was anxious days with constant self-doubt at work and a  relationship that was crumbling under the weight of the pandemic. 

We pushed out the wedding, eventually ending the engagement and I moved out, to live alone for the first time with an almost 1-year-old pup to take care of. My parents, like most Indian parents, viewed their daughter getting married as the mark of successfully raising their child.

It broke their heart when they learned about the break-up. It was the hardest few months of my life. But, this phase also pushed me on a journey of self-discovery, reflection, growth, and healing. 

I’ve been in therapy for almost 2 years now, with weekly therapy sessions and daily medication. I can now confidently say that I have the ability to tackle whatever life throws at me and hope that I don’t experience a drawn-out phase of struggle like before.

I still have days every couple of weeks when I feel empty inside but know how to help myself out of it. Panic attacks are still slightly more difficult to handle but having my anxiety medication handy has helped immensely.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

My struggle with Anxiety and Depression impacted every facet of my life. There have been days when I felt so unlike the “me” I knew my whole life that I stopped and questioned when I changed so much.

I went from seeing myself as a carefree and confident optimist to a paranoid, underconfident person. I questioned everything from my job offers to my promotion and felt like I didn’t deserve them.

My anxious-avoidant attachment style coupled with depression during the pandemic had a drastic impact on my relationship choices. I didn’t stand up for myself and willingly gave up my time and energy, seeking validation.

Ultimately, I was in a place where nothing really excited me or made me happy anymore, I felt like I had no purpose in life. My only reason to get out of bed in the morning was my dog.

Even this came with a sense of extreme guilt, that he might have a happier life with a loving family rather than someone struggling to juggle work, health issues, and taking care of himself. 

After my broken engagement, I leaned on my friends and family for support. In my personal life, I’ve always been open about my emotions with close friends but never really spoke out about the bad days and struggles with depression.

My sister was my only confidant for the longest time. I gradually started being more vocal about it with a few people after starting therapy and spending time on my personal growth.

However, I’ve never spoken openly with friends or colleagues about how I’ve struggled at work as a result of my anxiety or depression. I’m now slightly more open to talking about it but was always scared that talking about it while going through the struggle would affect my career growth. 

I’ve never thought about self-harm, having seen firsthand how it affects family when someone chooses to end their life. However, there have been many times when I wished I just disappeared, erased. No one would remember my existence and nobody would be in pain.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

There were a few moments in 2022 when I felt…light. It felt like I was carrying something heavy in my head for a long time and finally, someone removed it. My mind was constantly racing with pessimistic thoughts, overthinking past situations, future fears, what I could have done differently, etc.

I tried to fill every spare second with self-help audio books, YouTube videos, and mental health blogs to help me navigate the overthinking that was taking over my life.

And then slowly, gradually, without me consciously realizing it, I had a shift in perspective. I felt more gratitude for the growth and learning that came out of my difficult experiences, than the pain they’d caused.

I started cherishing my time alone in thought and the peace that came along. I started waking up looking forward to experiences again. But the biggest difference I remember is after I started my medication in October 2022 and waking up one morning in January 2023, feeling like my old, cheerful self. That was a beautiful day.

I would say that 50% of my mindset shift came from self-reflection during therapy and personal growth-focused learning. The rest I would attribute to actions – everything from walking my dog several times a day, which meant stepping out and moving my body even on the worst days, to including exercise as part of my lifestyle and building a support system of close friends. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I had tried therapy once, way back in early 2019, but didn’t find it helpful. I tried it again in 2020 and early 2021 but did not find it very helpful. I felt like I was summarizing what was happening in my life to someone, that’s it.

I kept at it and connected enough with one therapist to take about 4 sessions. Her approach was different and I found the sessions to be slightly helpful.

However, we couldn’t connect enough to continue further. And then in March 2022, I found my current therapist who I’ve met almost every week, for more than a year now. I cannot quantify the immense impact she has had on my life, I just know I’ll be grateful to her for the rest of my life.

Now, I often tell friends that finding a therapist can be very similar to dating. It is important to find the right person! The key difference I now realize was all the other therapists approached the sessions as a one-time visit rather than something more.

My therapist started our first session by discussing my goals from therapy. What aspect of my life did I want to improve and how? This by itself was a great reflective exercise. 

She took the time to listen to my life map or a timeline of every year of my life and whatever I remember, until now. I believe those sessions set the foundation to help her understand who I am, my interactions with family, how I view myself in the world, etc.

She helped me uncover my relationship attachment style and how I can work on moving towards a secure, healthy relationship. She helped me realize that I was functioning from a place of depleted energy, without putting in the effort into self-care to replenish lost energy.

For example, she uncovered my people-pleasing tendency, which meant saying yes to all social commitments and then overpacking my days with them, at the expense of any time that I could get for myself.

This meant I could not recharge and replenish my energy but ended up losing more trying to keep everyone else happy. Fatigue, low energy, and lack of interest stemmed from here for me.

She helped me understand the true meaning of self-care – daily routines focused on good food, sufficient sleep, regular exercise, and mindfulness. She provided me with tools to manage my anxiety, from grounding techniques to breathwork and clay work.

She’s had a great impact on helping me heal and when I say that the rewards from the right therapist are priceless, I truly hope everyone in need of therapy works to find the right therapist for them and not give up.

I now realize that cognitive understanding is very important for me to navigate life. I spent a lot of time trying to work on and resolve relationship issues for the first time in my life, rather than ignoring them.

I felt like I needed answers to the “Why did this happen to me?” question that comes up in our minds so often during bitter life experiences. So, I sought to understand more about relationships, mental health, what makes us react to situations and why everyone reacts differently, etc.

I read self-help books, listened to podcasts, and watched videos on these topics. I did this every day, to fill any spare time I had because it seemed to feel “productive” at the time. I also spent time discussing this topic with a few close friends who could relate to my experiences. I didn’t know that consuming this type of content was slowly shifting my perspective.

For example, I remember dealing with bouts of anger and irritability as a side-effect of depression. It was often directed at family and I always regretted it later. I learned about the concept of “responding” and not “reacting” to situations and tried to consciously implement this every time I felt myself on the verge of losing my temper. 

Another aspect that I cannot stress enough is exercise. Throughout this time, I’ve had months where I exercised regularly at least 3-4 times a week, and a few weeks without exercising.

I’ve noticed a significant difference in my mood and energy levels during weeks when I’m not exercising. I have more bad days or low-energy days during such weeks and feel physically weak, even if it is a week of regular routine without any exercise.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes, I’ve shared all of it with my sister, I consider her my pillar of strength. My fiance is also familiar with my journey and is very supportive. I’ve also shared parts of it with a few close friends, though most aren’t aware of my medications. 

I did not feel comfortable talking to my colleagues about this. As mentioned before, I had (and probably still do) hesitations about how they may respond to it and the impact it can have on my career growth.  

By nature, I’m someone who has been comfortable discussing struggles with close friends – more of an open-book kinda person. I wouldn’t say I find it hard to share most things, but a handful of topics are harder.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Always remember that there will be happier days and you deserve to experience and enjoy them. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but all the work you put into improving your mental health is the best gift you can give yourself.

Most of all, your happiness depends only on one person in your entire life, the only one who will be with you forever – yourself. Any happiness you receive from other sources – be it parents, partners, or friends, is adding to the core. It is NOT the core.

This is why it is so important to learn to spend time enjoying your company, being your #1 support system, and treating yourself with love and self-compassion. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• YouTube channel: Psych2Go – This was a valuable channel to help me dive into my symptoms and get a better handle through useful, practical tips to manage depression. The short format videos make it easy to consume. 
• YouTube channel: Sadhguru – I’ve never been religious or a very spiritual person, all my life. However, when things were falling apart and I sought answers, this channel seemed to provide them. 
• YouTube channel: Better Than Yesterday – I found tips in this channel helpful on days when I had to motivate myself to get the bare minimum done. 
• Book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Everything is F*cked by Mark Manson – I found both the books easy to grasp, straightforward, practical and they approach life from a “how to embrace change” and be selective about the problems we want in our lives, which is helpful. Focusing on the “good problems” mindset is helpful when you’re feeling like the victim. 
• Book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle – At a time when I had so many questions about how life worked, how people changed, and what I did wrong, this book was a guiding light for self-reflection. It has powerful information that if you choose to read and absorb, it will definitely help you become a calmer and more balanced person
• Book: Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty – Great book for when you feel like you don’t have a purpose in life and feel restless constantly or are in limbo, going with the wind through life. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can find me on LinkedIn and Instagram.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Navigated Anxiety, Depression and Panic Attacks As I Settled Abroad in a New World appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I’m Teresa Alesch and I’m from a small town in northwest Iowa, raised by the absolute best parents and along with three pretty okay siblings (kidding, kidding – they’re awesome, too), and now reside just 30 miles east with my husband, Cody, our two kids, Sacha-16 and Teague-14, and our four-legged canine child, Molly.

I love all things literature, art, music, health, and fitness, and enjoy exercising and taking ice baths (yes, you read that right—it started out as a challenge). My favorite time spent is the time with my family and watching my kiddos perform and compete in their academics, arts, and athletics.

Today, I am a Certified High Performance Coach, speaker, and author of Broken to Brave. Why this career? Passion. When we experience chronic stress, overwhelm, fatigue, and burnout, important areas of our lives unravel (health, relationships, productivity, task competency, etc.), draining us from truly living life and experiencing joy.

My passion is in helping high-achieving, hard-working women “Stress Less and Live More.” I help them take back control of their time, energy, productivity, and overall health and well-being through my Stress Less Live More program and high-performance coaching.

Before owning my own business, a health battle resulting in a referral to palliative care led me to resign from my 16-year career in education and school administration and take time off to focus on my health and family. Once back on my feet a few years ago, instead of going back into education, I pivoted into remote high-ticket sales, quickly moving from manager to director. It didn’t take long to realize I was out of alignment. I had so much to offer and could help people directly, according to my values. I wanted to live and lead with purpose.

So, my husband and I started our own company, providing motivational speaking and both high-performance and internal leadership coaching. We work with individuals, groups, and teams and have recently started working with students again. Currently, though, we are creating a program for parents called “Accidentally Disengaged: The Path to Becoming Intentional About What (WHO) Matters Most.” We only get one shot with our children.

Am I happy? Today, I am most definitely happy. I’ve risen above my circumstances and found the greatest joy in being present in the moment with my family and the people I choose to surround myself with. But “this” (happiness, life, goals, dreams) is not a destination, it’s a journey. I can say that I’ve found the tools and strategies I need to dance with adversity and walk off the dance floor holding my head higher than I did when my rock bottom “adversity” struck.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My more recent struggle began with a diagnosis of cancer, and then evolved through a host of other traumas and physical, emotional, and mental battles. It wasn’t just the adversity, though. The pillars of my personality are deeply rooted…and involve a stubborn, independent, and highly sensitive child who felt like she never truly fit in.

I’ve always had multiple talents and passions—Jill of all trades, master at none, I guess? I couldn’t choose just one nor accept the traditional pathway through life. Wanting to experience it all, I’ve always strived toward something more. A calling, perhaps? As a young adult, it was confusing, isolating, and almost debilitating.

Without revealing who or exactly what, there was one particular individual in my past who had an effect on me that made me want their approval. And I believe that in part, this elusive pursuit of meaningless validation led me on a journey of self-discovery that colored my personality in more ways than one. But it also stunted my growth at the same time, making me self-conscious of the fact that I was a “horse of a different color.”

Perhaps many of us actually feel this way and I’m not so odd, after all? It’s fascinating how the facets of our personalities influence our journey. As for me, I believe not understanding and loving what set me apart led me on detours and self-degradation pit stops along the way. Not knowing which way was right, I did my best to fit into the “traditional” life route.

Back to more recent issues—they ebb and flow, a dance of depression, social anxieties, maybe a superhero complex, and for a brief but pivotal spell, suicidal ideation into action.

Let’s get to the heart of it, shall we?

In 2011, an aggressive, estrogen-driven breast cancer found me. I was in the midst of transitioning into the principalship early in my career. By the time we caught it, it was stage 3 and required a comprehensive and equally aggressive approach, beginning with chemotherapy to shrink the tumors before surgery. The first several weeks of chemo, I couldn’t eat and when I did, I struggled to keep it down. Everything tasted awful, even water. It also made me feel fat (bloated) and tired, and of course, I lost my hair. I kept working through most of it because I was too prideful to slow down.

After about four months of chemo, I had a double mastectomy and placement of breast implants, involving an expansion process where I felt an excruciating pain that knocked the wind out of me during each session we filled the expanders.

I could barely walk out of the clinic, and it took 24 to 48 hours to subside. That excruciating pain made me question whether or not “looking feminine” was worth it. These were the first of nine surgeries that would take place over the next nine years.

During my surgery, an unreal circumstance transpired—my dad was in the very same hospital, going through his own tests. He would also be diagnosed with cancer, stage 4 non-hodgkin’s lymphoma, just six months after me.

This likely happens more than we realize, but back then, cancer stories weren’t as pervasive or public. For us, it was surreal. The beginning of a string of traumas in my family that came to define us as fighters.

Throughout all of this, I presented myself as that fighter, a superhero. In my mind, my students, staff, husband, and kids counted on my strength. I set out to educate throughout my journey—writing, teaching, and sharing. My students even created a Team Alesch Facebook group for me to provide updates. They organized pinkouts and benefits in my honor. They literally colored the district pink. It brings tears just remembering.

Although I did share some of the vulnerable moments, I retreated, and mostly overshadowed the “darkness” with grit, smiles, and perseverance. I stopped short of truly processing the turmoil beneath the surface. I buried it.

Through it all, I was still a mom, a wife, a daughter, a principal… I had to keep going.

Remember that I felt different? Cancer brought this back. Up until that point, I had happily settled in as a school principal, finally in my element, working with teachers, students, parents, and community, striving together to create a culture of student engagement in the arts, academics, and athletics. I “fit in” here. Educational leadership suited me.

More and more, I felt “less than” in a diseased body. Damaged. Broken. Not good enough. Now enter “social anxiety.”

In all this, I haven’t even addressed my fears about my mortality. Mainly because they were in the shadows, only coming out at night to haunt me, when everyone else went to sleep.

Eight months after diagnosis, I moved on to the final stage of treatment, radiation. Besides fatigue, this was the most uneventful phase, as though preparing me for what was yet to come. And come it did. About 22 days after radiation, at Christmas time, in my abdomen, I started feeling pressure, pain, and a growing sense of fear. Tumors. Giant ones.

Soon after, I was slated for an emergency surgery where I wasn’t sure if I would wake up still a woman, in the way that mattered as a mother. The cancer had taken my hair. It had taken my breasts. It had put me through hell. It put me on medications that made me feel awful. It was this sick affair—I went to bed with it, woke up with it, it stole my time and my heart. Was it going to take my choice as a mother?

Looking back, we were blessed with a baby girl in 2007 and an unplanned baby boy in 2009. When I woke up from surgery, I leaned into those blessings more than ever because they had to take it all.

My ovaries housed grapefruit-sized tumors and my uterus was swollen. The tumors were benign; however, with the way estrogen attacks my body, my oncologists were not taking chances. Everything needed to go (a complete hysterectomy).

With my hormones in flux and everything catching up to me, a perfect storm storm was brewing. I needed it all to stop so I could catch my breath. Armor off, I was finally crying “UNCLE!” How tragically ironic this was…one year after my diagnosis (a few months after my hysterectomy), someone special to me (to all of us), our beloved Uncle Joe, passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack.

This was the kicker, the biggest blow of it all. Devastating at the time, between my cancer, my hysterectomy, all the side effects, and my father’s battle.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

The hysterectomy and losing a loved one triggered my slip into depression. Deep depression. One that most, including myself, had no idea about because the one thing I was good at was putting on my mask each day.

I didn’t recognize it for what it was at the time. I just felt like a failure for not being able to manage my physical, mental, and emotional health. I was unraveling.

Take into account that almost immediately after that surgery, hot flashes flooded in—four to six per hour, refusing me sleep. Hot flashes alone are maddening and enough to drive a woman to insanity (aside from all the other symptoms). I brought a change of clothes to work with me, they were so bad.

For humans in general, without quality sleep, everything else deteriorates. Including being able to cope with adversity—physical, mental, or emotional. Cognitively, my abilities to concentrate, focus, and be productive tanked.

My energy plummeted. I began questioning my intellect. I felt guilty for not being “better” in every area of my life. In some ways, I was furious that life went on for everyone around me, meaning, I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be more oblivious, if that makes sense. I wanted life to go on for me, too.

Are you getting the picture? Struggling, I could never get my body, heart, and mind to be in the same place at the same time. I was trapped in my own mind. I would be at home, either working, worrying about work, or wishing I had gotten more done at work. If work was where my mind was, then I was missing out on the LIFE right in front of me.

And that life included my children at the tender ages of two and four, my husband and our relationship and livelihood, and of course my parents and our extended family.

Flip that. Then, I would go to work, and the thoughts would perseverate, beating me down for not being more present with my loved ones. It was an endless cycle and devastating battle. I was living in past regret and frustration. I was living in future fear and worry. I was living anywhere and everywhere…but the present. The shame and guilt that comes with that takes its toll.

Anxiety became exaggerated, depression deepened, and I began questioning not just my purpose, but also my competence as a leader, administrator, wife, and most importantly, a MOTHER.

I told myself things like, ‘no me is better than the me they all are getting (especially my kids),’ and ‘they would be better off if I were one day replaced.’ I was okay with that. Welcomed it. Because in my increasingly warped mind, it made perfect sense…it was what was best for them, for everyone. For me.

I had no idea who I was anymore. I began imagining or daydreaming the easiest way to go, to leave this life behind. When I created those mental movies in my mind, I imagined “peace” on the other side of it, and the desire to feel peace once again became stronger and stronger, until one day after dropping my kids off at daycare, I almost followed through with an attempt.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

That was the moment. The moment when it was time to accept the shoes I’d been given and start walking, no matter how painful that was going to be. This part of my story is hard to tell. It took me an entire year to write this one chapter in my book, Broken to Brave: Finding Freedom from the Unlived Life. The chapter is the beginning of my book, but it’s called, “The End.” It’s how I introduce readers to my story.

Long story short, in a few brief breaths within my life’s journey, I found myself in my car with a bottle of pills. I don’t know if you believe in signs or messages from loved ones who have passed on, but something happened that I still struggle to process to this day. A beautiful cardinal landed on my passenger review window right in the “moment.” But it quickly flew away. So, although I thought it was a sign at first, I questioned if it was ever there at all.

Until it landed on the driver’s side rear-view mirror. I don’t know how to explain other than saying, at that moment, I woke up.

I had been numb for over a year. A waterfall of emotions flooded in. I realized that all of this (tragedy and pain) is not about me; it’s bigger than me.

And while I had been through hell, so many others have been and were going through, and will always be going through something so much worse. I knew in that moment, I needed to find my way back to my loved ones, to the present moment, and most importantly, to myself.

I needed to put the oxygen mask on myself before I could help anyone else. It would be a quest. And I knew it was going to be trying. But I needed to give it everything I had.

Needing help, I checked myself into a behavioral health center. Once there, I learned that my recovery would involve medication. I had been there and tried that (antidepressants), and I knew I wanted to try it without. So instead, I began seeing a therapist. The breakthrough was work but came when my therapist challenged me to tell my loved ones what I was REALLY going through.

I couldn’t. Instead, I cried. And cried. Although words come naturally to me, and I selectively journaled throughout my cancer journey, I couldn’t find the words to express my pain. This was my therapeutic turning point. The idea of unearthing that pain released the waterworks during that session.

For months, I had been denying the harsh reality of what my body went through, and how that impacted my sense of self, my hormones, my energy, my emotions, and my focus… I had been denying the loss of my uncle.

I know his passing hurt everyone. For me, the timing played a role. I grew up close to him, spending tons of weekends at his home, watching movies, making popcorn, and conquering Super Mario Brothers and Zelda. Uncle Joe was there for me always, especially during cancer, often taking me to chemo, radiation, my port surgery, and always with the family for the bigger surgeries.

I couldn’t accept that someone who was always there was no longer there.

For the first time, I was mourning his death. Seeing this opportunity, my therapist asked, “What if you told your story in the third person? Or write a piece about a character? Change her name. Tell her story.” And so I did.

When I shared this life-after-cancer story with my doctors, one suggested I publish it. Not just for inspiration but for survivors, future fighters, caregivers, and medical providers alike. Knowing people would know, I feared putting my “rock bottom” out there for people to read, and perhaps judge.

Would my competence be questioned? Could this “hot mess” perform at the levels required? Would I lose professional credibility? What if my closest family and colleagues felt responsible, like they had missed warning signs?

But those questions ultimately led me to find the value in sharing what I had been and was still silently battling through.

What if it could prevent someone else’s journey from taking the destructive twists and turns mine had? What if it could help caregivers and medical providers anticipate the road ahead and help the survivor navigate? What if MY journey could have been a little smoother because I had read or heard about someone else’s journey?

Before I knew it, I was on a path to publishing. Except. When my future publisher read my story about this “character who had been to hell and back,” he said it was great! Just not the story he wanted to publish. He said MY story needed to be told and then worked with me to make that vision a reality.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Quickly, before I get into the rainbow after the storm…

In addition to cancer’s aftermath, the surgeries, and all the medication, a host of auto-immune issues plagued me. From skin breakouts, to puffiness and discoloration in the face and eyes, to inflammation throughout the body to strange and unexplainable allergic reactions, to sinus infections and colds, to extreme fatigue and mental fog, to herniated discs, to further bouts with depression… my doctors (including oncology and specialist) could not get to the bottom of it all.

All of those symptoms added new levels of self-consciousness, frustration, depression, and anxiety, depending on the day. In 2019, oncology referred me to Palliative Care. I don’t know what you think of when you hear that terminology, but I think of “end of life” care. In essence, it means to sustain one’s quality of life.

What my doctors were saying was, “We can’t figure out what’s wrong… so, we want to involve some other specialists to at MINIMUM, sustain your quality of life.”

What I heard was, “We give up. Good luck.” I know that’s not the reality of the situation… or was it? I’ll never know.

Back against the wall, I made the somewhat crazy decision at just 40 years old, to resign from my career in education to focus on my health and my family. So many people in my life, to this day, don’t know about this aspect of my journey.

By this point, I was starting to feel like a failure again; yet, I couldn’t accept that this was all the better I was going to feel. I knew if I wasn’t careful, hopelessness would start creeping in.

Another blessing. A few months later, my sister (who would soon face her own stage 3 cancer battle) stumbled upon a Facebook post that described my situation to a T.

I was rejecting the implants and needed them out, immediately. Three surgeries (explant plus DIEP flap reconstruction) proved to be the springboard to overcoming all of the autoimmune issues weighing me down. Lifesaving.

So, how did I find my way back to the present moment? And how did I begin rebuilding my spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional health? Outlets.

Creative outlet

Perhaps one of the most therapeutically impactful actions I took was writing my book. That outlet was crucial to my healing.

When the house was quiet, super early in the morning or in the evening after the kids went to bed, I would make some hot tea, light a candle, put my headphones on, play some calming and inspiring instrumental music, and either meditate, pray, or write.

Spiritual outlet

Faith carried me through a great deal. Not always in the traditional, “attend church every day and twice on Sundays” sense, but in connecting with God through prayer, music, and writing, as well as finding a sense of gratitude and calm in being content within the energy of my soul.

With this, I learned about the power of visualization and manifestation, and practiced all of the above.

Physical outlet

I turned to exercise and a variety of workouts, such as walking, running, Insanity, P90X, and CrossFit. I fought through fatigue and challenged my body to improve itself, regardless of the symptoms I faced. I also learned about and practiced breathwork to increase my energy throughout the day.

On days when I struggled, I didn’t chastise myself. I made a point to get some movement in, and I patted myself on the back for the small win in the bigger picture.

Self-development outlet

I enrolled in programs from motivational speaking to high-performance habits to writing and editing to entrepreneurial to educational leadership. I became certified in leadership, high performance, and life coaching programs, not just to be a better leader and manager at work, but also to better manage myself.

I put myself on stage and published my book to help others. Challenging my brain to learn something new made me feel as though I was gaining back my “it” factor when it came to my cognitive quickness.

High-Performance coach outlet

I worked with a high-performance coach who helped me to:

• Isolate what I could control and let go of what I couldn’t;
• Clarify my identity and vision for my future;
• Gather a baseline in 12 key life areas and set goals for where I wanted to be;
• Inspect my schedule and routines to increase productivity;
• Optimize my time by redefining my values and priorities, then aligning how I was spending my time with what was truly important to me;
• Review my habits (including self-limiting beliefs) and identify what was working and what wasn’t, removing what wasn’t serving me;
• Gradually build in high-performance habits to overcome my health issues and move toward optimal health and wellness. 

When we inspect our thoughts, habits, and routines, we might find a great deal of misalignment that’s causing us to miss opportunities. I was trapped in this vicious cycle of living in past regrets and future worries, missing out on key moments and joy with my family.

Therapy outlet

The therapists I worked with were incredible (one was career-based, the other cancer). The most impactful strategy was writing my story from the third-person perspective. This freed me to explore my pain, but from a safe distance. In my book, I referred to this as “unlocking brave.”

Forgiveness outlet

Another key, the mortar to the bricks, was learning to give myself permission to fail, to fall off the exercise wagon, to feel crummy and just lounge all day on a Saturday, instead of cleaning the house, which desperately needed it, etc.

Taking time to rest, recover, and recharge when you feel like you should be working is incredibly challenging! But the work will be there. Let go of the guilt and shame. Life is too short. It’s not worth it.

Help outlet

Although accepting help sometimes felt unnatural, I needed it (my family needed), and we were surrounded by it. Whether family, friends, colleagues, students, or community, I had a wealth of people supporting me throughout my battles, from “D Day” and onward.

Without these inspiring and generous supporters, I don’t believe I would be here today, and be here as strong, healthy, and happy as I am. If you are reading this, you know who you are. THANK YOU.

Relationship outlet

This one is the most simple. Focus on and connect IN THE PRESENT moment with those who matter most. This is what life is all about.

We all know too well—people are with us one moment and gone the next, kids grow up before our very eyes, and if we aren’t careful, we might look back and realize that we were distracted with thoughts, activities, and work that didn’t matter. Live, love, and lead with purpose, and cherish your loved ones.

These outlets make up the initial bricks in rebuilding my life. Because it significantly improved my life, I layered in more high-performance coaching and continued learning breathwork and meditation for resetting and reenergizing myself. Recently, I’ve added ice baths (cold immersion) into my daily routine, giving the most shocking results of all!

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes, and no. I resisted because I wanted to be that unbreakable superhero. With loved ones, I didn’t want them to see or feel my pain. And sharing felt akin to admitting a decline in my cognitive abilities and thus accepting failure. It felt insurmountable.

There’s something else. Full transparency, I worried a few specific people would consider me a victim and talk behind my back. Spoiler. They did, and it hurt. But—their words were none of my business (which took me a long time to get). If you’ve experienced a similar conflict, remember: 

1. None of us are perfect; we are all human, flawed, and have weak moments where we think or say something hurtful, hold grudges, judge, gossip, etc. 
2. Someone else’s behavior says more about them than it says about you. It’s possible they are going through something that has nothing to do with you.
3. It’s time to let it go. Broken relationships can be one of the most unexpected obstacles to happiness because the pain and hurt linger. Consider forgiving yourself and them, if even only in your heart.
4. Your life’s path is yours. Theirs is theirs. Live and let live. Shine brighter to overcome any darkness creeping in, and fill your inner circle only with kind and uplifting people.

Over time and especially after the car incident, I became more authentically vulnerable and stopped sugarcoating. I told myself if I could help just one person, the journey and the fear of sharing would be worth it.

From my journal entries on Facebook and Caring Bridge to publishing my book to motivational speaking, I began receiving messages from people who were struggling. I knew I needed to continue sharing and owning “my ripple” (as in my impact on others).

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

SINGLE? Oh, jeez. LOL! My poor brain can’t narrow it down.

Helping others through their journeys helped me accept mine. It provided the key for me to walk through the door of true healing and physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual recovery. Life was not happening to me. It was happening for me to live, love, and lead with purpose. Ugh. I can’t limit it to just one.

The next key is in the two G’s—gratitude and grace. Finding gratitude in the small things shifts perspective, and giving ourselves grace (as opposed to self-destructive judgment) when we have human days and setbacks help us to stay the course.

The third key is accepting that to move forward, we have to move. We can’t take back control and move forward while in a passive state. We must take action—no matter how tired we feel, how much pain we are in, how scared we are, or how skeptical we are that we can feel better. It’s as simple as that.

Finally, each of us has one lifetime–that’s IT, just ONE! Although we don’t know how long that is, we each have the opportunity to make the most of it and be a positive force within our family, our community, and the world at large. We don’t want to look back and realize we missed life right in front of us. All we have to do is own our comeback and own our ripple.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

So many books inspired me; however, it’s more than just the books! Most of these books led me to purchase their courses, conferences, and coaching. What you put in your mind is just as important as what you put in your body. Feed your body, mind, and spirit the good stuff. Immerse yourself in people, words, and wisdom that inspire you to move forward.

• High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard: This has been the most impactful. It led me on a complete journey (from book, to course, to coaching) to not just performing but sustaining performance at high levels, leading to a sustained improvement in my overall health, well-being, productivity, and relationships.
• The Man on the Mountaintop by Susan Trott and Libby Spurrier: I loved this so much that I wrote a review. It’s an uplifting parable about modern-day pilgrims bringing a multitude of modern-day problems, sorrows, and grievances. It’s full of life lessons that had me giggling, crying, and shuddering, over and over again. I completed it in one sitting. I had to.
• The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins: This is a powerful technique to trick, or distract your brain rather, from procrastinating. There’s more to it, but in its simple form, count “5-4-3-2-1,” then do whatever it is you are putting off. Don’t think, just do.
• Make Your Bed by William H. McRaven: “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.” I walked away with a mantra and routine from reading this book. I originally watched his commencement speech, which this book delves deeper into the 10 core tenets he goes through. Essentially start the day out with a win, and everything else is a bit easier. It’s part of the reason I take ice baths every day!
• Your Secret Name & The Deeper Path by Kary Oberbrunner: With Your Secret Name, I learned to accept myself, for who I really am, despite the pain and despite the fear. With the Deeper Path, I delved into my purpose and owning who I am.
• The Introvert’s Edge by Matthew Pollard: This is more of a business book but it was powerful for me when I started retreating into my shell. It helped me with confidence and made me feel less alone. So, if you are someone who is in business or sales, this book could be helpful for you.
• Stress Less, Accomplish More by Emily Fletcher: Emily was my introduction to meditation. I started out with her book and then progressed to taking her online video course. It was incredibly powerful for me to learn how to slow down and disconnect (yet connect at a deeper and more meaningful level). It helped me to rest (take a powerful 5 to 15-minute meditation nap) during the day and get to a deeper sleep more quickly at night. I recommend the audiobook; she’s easy to listen to!
• Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza: I became curious about Joe Dispenza’s (neuroscientist) work after seeing him on YouTube. He has a powerful story about the power of the mind and essentially healing himself after a serious injury paralyzed him and he found himself face down in a hospital bed for weeks/months. I learned about something he called Mind Movies and Walking Meditations.  
• The Urban Monk by Pedram Shojai: This book helped me to get back to the basics. Regardless of the circumstances, and mine were pretty rotten at times, I worked toward grounding myself and resetting my nutrition, exercise, and sleep habits. It had all sorts of activities, exercises, and mediations. Just writing this makes me want to go through it again. I listened to this one on Audible. 
• Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer: Wayne Dyer is an absolute joy to listen to. It breaks down the ancient works and wisdom of Lao-tzu, presenting it in a way that’s relevant to today’s modern world. It’s hard for me to put into words the peace, calm, and purpose I felt when listening to his books. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Let’s connect wherever you spend your time! Fee free to send me a DM—just let me know you learned about me on Tracking Happiness!

• Teresa Alesch Website: You can learn more about my book, my story, and my life after cancer work here.
• Broken to Brave Book: You can go directly to it here on Amazon! 62 5-star reviews out of 62!
• Instagram: So much goodness coming.
• Facebook-Personal: Most active here.
• Facebook-Professional: My author, coach, and speaker page.
• YouTube: Just preparing to begin posting daily, starting with our ice bath journey! Feel free to follow along.
• The Live More Journey website: Coming soon (temporary holding page)! It is here that you will be able to learn more about our courses, coaching, and speaking.
• Stress Less Live More Free Facebook Group: Anyone looking for a community to learn and grow is welcome to join us!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

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Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Lifechanging Cancer Journey and How I Recovered as a Stronger Woman appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hey, I’m Drew and I live in Brighton, down on the south coast of England with my amazing wife and two children. Nice to meet you. 

I’m a copywriter in advertising for a big agency in London, which means I come up with the concepts for adverts. On the whole, it’s a fun job as sometimes I’m paid to think about what the talking dog is going to say in the ad, though it can be long hours.

I don’t find it too stressful though, even when everyone around me is flapping, as I think my life experiences put the deadlines of advertising into perspective. 

Beyond my family, my biggest passion is the guitar and music. The guitar is the place I go to whenever I have a spare minute and it never lets me down.

I feel incredibly lucky that I have something that is endlessly fun, relaxing, and joy-giving. And I have a really deep love of listening to music, though I guess that’s the same for anyone, right?

Music’s always been where I go when something’s off. Sometimes I can hear a song and it connects with me in ways words could never do, and it can release something or enable me to understand something, without being able to articulate it. 

I consider myself to be a happy person. I’m very laid back, and as I’ve said, I don’t find the little things in life to be stressful. The key for me is that I’m extremely happy in my home life and love my family so much.

I just love spending time with them and am so grateful for the joy they bring me. I just wish I could spend more time with them sometimes, and not have to work so many hours. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My dad died when I was 11. Which triggered depression and anxiety through my teens and early 20s.

He died of cancer, really suddenly. My parents were divorced and it was the summer holidays just before I started high school. I was on holiday with my mum and aunty and I tried calling my dad from the foyer of the hotel (long before mobile phones) – but it kept ringing out. And then after a few days, the line was dead, and the receiver left off the hook. 

When I got home my mum took me to see him, and he took a while to answer the door in his dressing gown. He apologized for not answering the phone and said he’d been too sick, but that he’d be fine. I hugged him and left with my mum, who was waiting in the car.

Something didn’t feel right, maybe the way he hugged me a little more gingerly than he normally would. I can still picture him clearly in his dressing gown from the height of my eleven-year-old self. That was the last time I saw him. 

He’d gone to the doctor with stomach pains and they had sent him away saying it was gastroenteritis. He’d actually had a carcinoma of the bowl which had burst and given him sepsis. Shortly after I saw him he was rushed to hospital and died. He was 55.  

I was in shock and anger for many years. And this lead to a general feeling of lowness, and numbness, which I would call depression. As I got older I experienced more social anxiety which affected my late teens and early 20s. I think I’m a naturally shy person, but this was compounded by my grief. 

I remember thinking that my dad was the only person who really understood me. We were incredibly close. As my parents had divorced when I was seven I had spent every weekend with my dad. So in many ways, this meant I spent lots of very close, quality time with him.

But like any young boy would feel, my world was trampled on when he died. I dreamed about him constantly and would wake up with a mixture of happiness and deep sadness that I’d seen him, but that it was just a dream. 

His death triggered anxiety and depression through my mid-to-late teens and early 20s. It came to a head in my university studies, when I felt so anxious that I had to take a year out of university and have a break in my studies.

I found social interactions very stressful, and so any kind of seminar was difficult. I basically retreated into myself and wanted to close the door to the world. 

I now reflect that I’m lucky to have had such great times with my dad and that many people have a father that they never really connect with, even though they live to a ripe old age. I think this focus on the good in every situation is the key to finding contentment, which I think is all we have control of.

Appreciate what you have. The happiness comes and goes. Life can bring ups and downs, but if we appreciate what we have throughout, then we can enjoy the happier times and ride out the lower times. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

From the outside, I’ve always appeared kinda fine. As I’ve said, I got a degree and then went on to get a second while I worked. I had a decent job, although it was only when I was 30 when I retrained did I find a career in advertising that’s pushed me forward and brought me the fulfillment you need from work. 

I think a big part of my struggle was not being able to talk about it with my family. It just felt like no one wanted to get into it and make me upset, so I never really brought it up and just dealt with it on my own. 

Our culture teaches boys that they can’t cry, or show weakness. I also think my family thought they were helping by just moving on and not creating a scene.

They also had their own ways of dealing with things, from an era when people just got on with life and didn’t complain. So I certainly don’t judge anyone. But I do think it made things very hard for me to process the grief as I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. 

As I grew older through my teens, I found that I struggled with anxiety and depression. I hung out with the rebellious kids and did the bare amount of schoolwork I could get away with. I started the dangerous line of thinking that it was cool not to try hard. 

But I was bright. And so I found school easy and passed my exams without working. Which was another dangerous lesson. I could get by without trying. 

This set a pattern through my teens and early 20s of doing the bare minimum and never feeling fully fulfilled. 

I found certain social interactions really difficult. I had a kind of social phobia. However, to people outside they would think that I was fine. I also drank a lot in social settings, which is a cultural norm in the UK, and this masked my anxiety.  

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I’d started playing the guitar in my early teens. I was obsessed with Nirvana and the whole grunge scene in the early 90s. But as I hit my early 20s, I started playing in a band.

The connection and friendship I found with my bandmates were huge. I had found a supportive network of friends who I could be open with. Probably because openness is key to musical expression. 

Over time, playing the guitar became my therapy. Whenever I felt overwhelmed or anxious, I would play a tune or write a song. It allowed me to express my feelings without having to put them into words. The more I played, the more I felt a sense of release and relief.

It was a combination of my own actions, the therapeutic nature of music, and the supportive community of musicians I became a part of that contributed to my healing. If I had to quantify it, I’d say 70% was a result of my actions and 30% was due to the circumstances and people around me.

It took me about 15 years after my dad’s passing to make significant progress. The guitar was the catalyst that set me on a path to understanding and managing my emotions better. It not only helped me cope with my grief but also built my confidence and self-worth.

I’ve researched the benefits of playing guitar, and the list is seemingly endless. For those who are interested, I have written an article that covers all the incredible benefits of playing guitar for mental health.

From the release of dopamine, reducing stress, improving cognitive abilities, and preventing mental decline, there’s so much that playing guitar, and instruments in general, can offer us.

So I’d urge anyone, no matter how old you are to pick up an instrument. It’s never too late be be a beginner at anything. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

The first step I took was acknowledging my feelings. For years, I had suppressed my emotions, thinking it was the “manly” thing to do. But once I started playing the guitar, I realized the importance of expressing myself. Music became my outlet, and through it, I was able to process my grief and anxiety. 

I also sought therapy. Talking to a professional helped me understand the root of my feelings and gave me tools to cope. My therapist introduced me to mindfulness and meditation, which I practiced daily. It helped me stay present and not get overwhelmed by my past or anxious about the future.

Also, playing guitar, or any instrument, is an inherently mindful practice. When you’re paying you can’t think about anything else. And so I found it helped me in so many ways. 

For anyone going through a similar situation, I’d recommend finding a creative outlet, whether it’s music, art, writing, or any other form. It’s essential to have a safe space where you can express yourself without judgment.

Also, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Sometimes, talking to someone who’s trained to understand can make all the difference.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Initially, I kept my struggles to myself. I felt that showing vulnerability would make me appear weak. But as I started healing and understanding my emotions better, I began opening up to close friends and family. Their support and understanding were invaluable.

There were, however, some people I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with. Some colleagues and acquaintances had a tendency to dismiss mental health issues or offer unsolicited advice. I chose to keep my journey private from them to protect my mental well-being.

Over time, I’ve realized the importance of talking about mental health. It not only helps the person struggling but also educates others and reduces the stigma around it.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Embrace your emotions, no matter how painful or overwhelming they might seem. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or anxious. These feelings are a part of the healing process. 

Find a safe space or outlet where you can express yourself, and remember, you’re not alone in your struggle. Surround yourself with supportive people, seek professional help if needed, and always prioritize your mental well-being.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• “The Healing Power of Sound” by Mitchell Gaynor: This book delves into the therapeutic effects of sound and music. It helped me understand the science behind why playing the guitar was so beneficial for my mental health.
• “It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be” by Paul Arden: This book pretty much changed my life. I retrained in advertising at age 30, and this book was the inspiration.
  The key to any progress or success in life is having a goal. Talent is overrated. It’s much more important to set your self-goals high and strive for them.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

As I’ve linked to above, I’ve got a website about guitars called Guitar Mammoth, which helps me share my passion. Please check it out if you’re interested in guitar. If you’re interested in joining the team and writing for us, please reach out.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Playing Guitar Helped Me Process Grief and Start Healing From Anxiety and Depression appeared first on Tracking Happiness.