Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, my name is Felicita Castillo Delcambre. It’s important that I include my “middle” name because it’s almost a funny story. My maiden name is Felicita Castillo Castillo. I know, it’s a little odd, but this is a constant reminder that I’m a one-of-a-kind type of person.

I’ve never met anyone in person with my name either, and I’m convinced I probably never will. My name is quite unique in my opinion. My parents named me after my great-grandmother, Felicita, and my first name actually means “happiness”.

Growing up, I despised my name. I go by Feli (rhymes with Kelly, belly, jelly. You get the idea when it comes to teasing kids.) for short, and I was teased a ton as a kid because of it. Christmas time was the worst when all my classmates would sing “Feliz Navidad” as “Felicita Navidad.” Not my happiest moment.

My entire life, I’ve always done my very best to live up to the meaning of my name, although naturally, some days are harder than others. Now that I’m older, I realize there’s so much to a name and I’m reminded to search for the small instances of happiness because I was chosen to be called this for a reason.

As for my double last name, it’s a longer story, but after I got married, it was very convenient that I could still keep my maiden name without extra hassle.

Currently, I live in Katy, Texas in the United States. This is a town that thrives on football and being the best in all sports and academics. They have upwards of eleven Katy alumni graduates who have made it to the NFL (National Football League) and the football team typically makes it to the playoffs every year.

They currently hold 9 State Championships, just at Katy High School alone, not including other Katy ISD high schools in the area. Katy Independent School District ranks number one among Public School Districts in the Houston Area, which is currently the fifth largest city in the USA and is currently ranked number twelve in the State.

I say all this because I currently have a freshman daughter in high school that I need to guide to live up to these high demanding standards as an athlete in their volleyball program and participate in all advanced core classes.

She is my world, and I always want the very best for her. I am also happily married, and we celebrated our 5th anniversary earlier this year. Although we’ve only been married for 5 years, we’ve been together for the last 10 years and I honestly couldn’t imagine life without him.

Both my husband and I work in the oil and gas industry. I work for a small engineering company in Katy, TX directly under the CEO. I wouldn’t say it’s a job I’m passionate about, but it is a job I do excel at.

My ultimate dream is to grow my two current businesses into full-time income so I can work full-time doing what I truly love and have a passion for.

I’ve always had an entrepreneurial mindset and passion for success. Even as a small child, you would catch me playing pretend “bank teller” instead of pretending to be “house mom” with my friends.

I wasn’t the type to play with baby dolls because I saw myself as a boss at a very young age. I believe I’m a natural-born leader. I’m currently a business owner of two businesses in the health and wellness industry.

It is my mission to empower determined women in their 30s and beyond to reclaim their energy through creating a sustainable approach to nutrition and macro counting.

I want women to build this strong belief in their best selves, both physically and mentally, because I know what it’s like to be torn down and not have help.

I want women to believe they can achieve their goals in their health and wellness, and realize the truth that they are more than just a mom, taxi driver, chef, housecleaner, and whatever other stereotypical womanly duties we are usually tasked with.

Overall, I am content with life, as there are those far worse, and I am grateful that myself and my loved ones are healthy, we have a home and are ultimately happy.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Although it seems I’m living the American dream now, this wasn’t always the case. I come from a very small town in South Texas with a population of less than 4,000 people. It is drug-ridden and low-income, and many people unfortunately never leave there.

It’s a depression trap for some, a motivation to leave for others like myself. I blame where I come from to be the beginning of my struggle with the anger of having a self-sabotage mindset, and learning how to overcome negative self-talk.

Ever since I was a small child I’ve faced many challenges from my family and peers. We lived in low-income housing, with my parents never being married and my father not in the family picture.

I’m the youngest of four. My two oldest siblings weren’t always the best role models with each of them having babies at a young age. We had big age gaps, so by the time they graduated high school, my other sister and I were still in elementary school.

When I was 12 years old, and my third oldest sibling was just 14 years old, my mother left us behind to move around the country with her boyfriend at the time.

Since her first two children were grown with their own babies and lives, my adolescent thought process led me to believe that she quit on us because we weren’t going to be enough for her to change her ways.

My sister and I bounced around family homes for about two years. One week with my grandparents, the next with cousins, the next with friends, then aunts, then my oldest sister, then back to my grandparents.

We were mostly separated the entire time my mother was gone, but eventually, my mother ended up getting us our own apartment to live in so she could calm the nagging family taking care of her children.

At the young age of 14, the same age as my daughter now, my 16-year-old sister and I lived on our own and had to face adulthood extremely quickly.

We cooked, cleaned, washed our own clothes, worked, figured out schedules and rides, and performed all the parental duties ourselves, and for one another, growing up.

My mother would only send money for bills that weren’t covered by government assistance, and we faced eviction a time or two. This was the beginning of my struggle with anger and self-sabotage.

There were constant thoughts that I wasn’t good enough. If my own parents could leave me, and I wasn’t enough for them to stay and want to be part of my life, despite all my great accomplishments, anyone can and will.

I was angry because I worked so hard. I was always on the honor roll with amazing grades. I was captain of every sports team I played on. I made the varsity cheerleading squad and softball team as a freshman. I had figured if I worked extra hard to do the best and be the best, it would encourage my mother to come back to us.

I thought maybe she would recognize how amazing we are, and want to be part of that, but she didn’t. On the outside to my teachers and peers, I was this amazing student and friend, on the inside I was hollow bitterness living with the constant voice telling me I wasn’t good enough no matter how hard I tried.

Over time I used my mother’s abandonment, for lack of a better word, as a motivator in life. Eventually, my sadness turned into anger, and this fire propelled me to achieve many goals I set for myself.

Once I graduated high school, I moved to San Antonio, Texas to carry out my dream of moving away from that place of sadness and building the home I never had.

Shortly after my move, I hit my first block of self-sabotage. I came out pregnant and found out a month before I was to go into the United States Air Force.

Looking back, I see this as God guiding my path, but at the time, I was devastated and disappointed in myself that I was so irresponsible in repeating the cycle I so desperately worked to escape.

I had worked so hard to finally leave a place of sadness, just to sabotage myself into now having another human depending on me. My daughter’s father wasn’t the best of people, and needless to say, we didn’t last. When my daughter turned a year old, I left him, and we were off and on until I met my now husband when she turned 4 years old.

I would say I still struggle with anger and self-sabotage to this day. There are times when I use my upbringing as a debilitating excuse in various aspects of my life. Sometimes it’s a hindrance, and sometimes it’s a motivator. There are times when I struggle in my marriage, as a mother, as a business owner.

On days when I’m dreaming up my future and how my businesses will one day be successful, and I’m putting in my notice to leave my job, there’s always this small voice I hear saying, “Look where you come from.

You don’t have a degree. You’re not good enough to be the leader of a successful business. You don’t belong in that crowd of success.” Then, I reflect on all the statistics I overcame at such a young age and remind myself that I already walked through hell and back, and if I can do that as a child, nothing can stop me now.

The passionate fire within me runs so deep in my soul that I truly believe I was made for great things. It’s the faith that my story thus far and the meaning of my name is meant for greatness and happiness, despite the sadness I endured. I wasn’t named “happiness” for no reason, and although I don’t know the reasons now, I’m content with never knowing.

The anger still lives in a small place inside me, and I still struggle with this daily. I’ve since forgiven both my parents and now understand many things and their reasoning that I didn’t understand as a child.

I realized that anger will only continue to self-sabotage my dreams, and having faith in my search for my happiness and success continues to be my new motivator.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I wanted to die. Even as an elementary school-aged child, these thoughts came to mind. I thought about dying and what people would say and think.

I prayed my peers would regret being so mean to me when I was gone. I prayed they would suffer the pain of the sadness they inflicted on me once I was gone. I prayed they would ask for my forgiveness.

But then I would think of those who did love and care about me, and I couldn’t bear imagining the pain they’d feel also. It was my imagination of their sadness that overpowered the pain of imaginary hatred that kept me alive and I’ll forever be thankful for their love.

It was never clear to many people that I was suffering in any way. As far as everyone knew, I was the best at everything. I was strong. I was independent. I was capable. I was very smart. I was happy.

No one knew I was struggling unless I told them I was. Teachers had no idea. Only some very close friends knew. I couldn’t bear the look of pity. I hated to tell people my mother left me because people would give me this disgusting look of empathy as if they could possibly imagine what I was going through and I couldn’t stand it.

It made me feel even smaller than I already felt. It made me feel incapable and weak, and I didn’t have time for those feelings. I didn’t have room in my heart for weakness because if I wasn’t strong, I would fail. If I wasn’t capable, there would be no one else to help me.

I was alone and I only had me and I preferred it that way. I needed to be independent. I wore this mask of strength for so long, that sometimes I feel like I still wear it. In fact, sometimes I know I do. This is how I know I still struggle.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

It wasn’t until I learned I was going to be a mother myself, that I realized I needed to change. I didn’t know what kind of mother I was going to be, but I knew one thing. I was going to do everything opposite of my mother.

I knew I had to end the cycle and it needed to be me to do it. My daughter truly saved me from myself. I often feel if she hadn’t come into my life when she did, I probably would’ve spiraled into this chaotic tornado.

God knew I needed her and although she came at the most unexpected, inopportune time, she was meant to be. I knew the first step to making a change would be forgiveness and I started to heal my relationship with my mother once I became pregnant.

By then, she had made her way back to my hometown after finally leaving her boyfriend whom she left us for. She came back my senior year of high school thinking we’d dance back into her loving arms. That didn’t happen with me, but my sister moved back with her, while I refused and eventually moved away after graduation.

A couple of years later, after her repeated attempts to mend our relationship, I gave her the chance to be there for me throughout my pregnancy and the birth of my daughter, and she was. She was there for me in the exact motherly way I needed her to be, and slowly my heart started to heal.

It was a couple of years after my daughter was born that I came across network marketing, and the company I was with was huge on personal development.

I read so many books on overcoming negative emotions, communication, and wealth management. I practiced what I learned, and transformations happened. I started to actually become the person I always wanted to be.

I overcame emotional obstacles more easily. I was more understanding of things within my control. My career in network marketing never flourished to the lengths they said were possible, due to paralysis of fear in my opinion, but I’m grateful for everything I learned when it came to all the personal development teachings I practiced in the 3-4 years I was with my team.

I took a break and have recently begun a new journey with an entirely different company now. I don’t see network marketing in the same way I used to, and I now know the limitations of its success, but I do see the benefits of it being an actual business and how the product is still very impactful in a good way. 

I remember before moving away from my hometown, I used to dream of leaving so that no one knew me and I could be whoever I wanted to be and it would be true because they wouldn’t know me to cast judgment up front.

I could be anyone my heart desired. No one would know where I come from. No one would know anything about me and I could portray my best self. My true self and that would be who they knew. Then I would be the person I was made to be.

I would actually be the one who is the best at everything. I would be a strong, independent, capable woman and it would be true because I would no longer live in the shadows of despair in my hometown with the judgemental eyes and people waiting for me to fail. I would finally be happy.

Now, when I look in the mirror, I do see her. Deep down, I have forgiven my past and I know that my true self is the desires of my heart and future, which is why I can confidently be the person I am today and not feel like there’s a mask on.

Of course, I have my days of self-pity, and I make excuses, and the spurts of self-sabotage come out to be an unproductive day but ultimately in those instances, I give myself grace and remind myself that I’m human.

I’m not perfect and I never will be. I am capable but I deserve breaks. I am independent but I deserve a partner. I am strong, but people who love you help you carry the load.

Slowly, over time I’ve opened up and learned that it’s ok to let people in. Allowing people in your heart doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you’re loved.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I started with forgiveness. I recognized that anger was my fuel and my trigger and it was very unhealthy in many ways. It was my anger that led to my self-sabotage and the excuses I made to not be my best.

I knowingly put a wall up and did not allow people in. Take the time and identify the emotions you know are hurting you. Ask yourself what’s making you mad, if it’s anger. If it’s sadness, what’s causing the pain of sadness? If it’s selfishness, what’s causing you to feel like you’re going to lose something that you have to grasp everything so tightly and selfishly?

What do you feel like you’re lacking, or going without that you feel the need to take so much? It is so important to identify the emotion that is causing you pain and understand what is in your power to overcome that emotion and channel it into something positive for yourself and those around you.

For example, I identified that I was angry at my parents and needed to figure out how to forgive them for leaving me. I needed to prove to myself that I was enough for love. So the first place I turned to was the Bible.

God’s word explicitly explained exactly what love is and how no matter what I am and always will be loved. No one on earth could love me more than God himself, and for me, that was enough.

I learned how Jesus forgave those who crucified him, and he was perfect. He did nothing to deserve his tortuous death. This showed me that if he could forgive them, I could also forgive my parents and anyone who hurt me.

I also actively participated in a small faith group where we’d meet once a month, pick a bible verse to discuss, and share the thoughts in our hearts. It was a safe space for me with people I knew I could trust, so I would recommend finding a community that you feel can be your safe space as well.

For those non-religious, I would still say to read, and reading books on personal development helped me tremendously. There are various books that explain how to identify different emotions and what you can do to overcome obstacles preventing you from being your best and true self.

Journaling is also a very beneficial method that helps to relieve emotions that are harming you internally. I have journals that date back to more than 20 years ago.

If you don’t feel like you’re ready to talk to a professional, journaling is a great way to speak your voice in an unconventional way, although I would also highly recommend speaking to a professional.

Depending on what you’re struggling with, getting professional help is one of the best ways to resolve some issues, if you feel like these are things you can’t quite handle on your own, or don’t know how to overcome. Trained professionals can help guide you to the healing you are seeking.

Reading was also another way I learned different techniques for identifying emotions. I read several books on personal development and learned different ways to channel my anger into something productive. I learned that I had control over my emotions, and could use this power over thoughts and actions to be a person I’m proud of.

I didn’t realize I was already doing this but in a negative, unhealthy way to a certain extent. Not letting people into my life did nothing but make me feel sad and lonely.

I learned that other’s actions didn’t dictate my feelings. It was my reactions to others that I needed to learn to control. Reading books that help you with things you can relate to helped me tremendously on my journey thus far. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

As a child, I only shared bits and pieces of what I was going through with friends. Close friends knew my mom wasn’t there, but they didn’t know my mental health struggles.

I also didn’t share many of my emotions with family other than my sister who was experiencing the same emotions with me because she was left behind also.

I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about it because I despised the feelings of pity, which was always the first reaction. I also knew that no one else could fully relate to what I was experiencing because they never went through anything like that.

It was difficult for me to speak to anyone I knew wouldn’t fully understand and I didn’t have time to waste trying to do so. It wasn’t until after I significantly started healing that I felt more comfortable sharing this struggle with others. 

I did share this experience with my husband, and he is one of the only people who truly knows everything. I also served on a church retreat team years ago, and shared my story of forgiveness with the retreatants, along with my small faith group members.

Otherwise, that time of my life has now come and gone and I don’t feel the need to share my journey as much anymore. After finding healing, I’ve come to be so much more at peace. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Time is the enemy and the gift. We don’t know when our time is up, and instead of wasting your energy on all the negative things in your life, use it wisely. Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person you’re angry at to die.

You’re only hurting yourself at the end of the day, and you’re losing precious time that you could use to be happy. There’s no good reason to suffer.

Don’t waste your time. Don’t waste your time on things that are hurting you and the people you love. Don’t focus your time and energy on things that aren’t helping you be a better person.

What you give to the universe you get back tenfold, so use your time to be your best self, and your best self will eventually appear. It’s a choice to live miserable, or happy. The choice is yours.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Secret by Rhonda Byren helped me understand that you attract what you put into the universe. You are in control of your desires. 
• The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson helped me identify obstacles in my path toward the dreams I had in my heart and how to overcome them using the power of the mind.
• The Shark and the Goldfish by Jon Gordon helped me by showing me different ways of seeing things in a positive way, instead of a negative way. Nothing is out of reach and perspective makes a huge difference in the outcomes you desire.
• Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki helped me understand the fundamentals of a successful business. Changing your mind around how you see money to make it work for you, rather than you working for it will help build financial wealth.
• Slay Girl Slay Podcast with Ashley Leggs has helped me on days that I struggle to believe I am worthy. Whenever I’m discouraged, I’ll put on her show and she is the ultimate hype woman. I highly recommend listening to her show.
• The Good News with Ashley Leggs is also another show I listen to when I’m discouraged and beginning to self-sabotage. This reminds me that I’m not alone. The show features so many people who went through a similar childhood as me, or worse, and overcame their obstacles too. It helps me remember that I’m not the only one who’s suffered and overcame trauma of some sort.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can sign up for my email newsletter where you’ll learn ways to live a healthier lifestyle without giving up things you love. You can sign up using this link.

You can connect with me more on my recent health journey on Instagram at @TheVindiJourney. My personal profile is also linked in the bio section to connect with me there as well.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Struggle With Abandonment And Anger Through Resilience and Forgiveness appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I’m Teresa Alesch and I’m from a small town in northwest Iowa, raised by the absolute best parents and along with three pretty okay siblings (kidding, kidding – they’re awesome, too), and now reside just 30 miles east with my husband, Cody, our two kids, Sacha-16 and Teague-14, and our four-legged canine child, Molly.

I love all things literature, art, music, health, and fitness, and enjoy exercising and taking ice baths (yes, you read that right—it started out as a challenge). My favorite time spent is the time with my family and watching my kiddos perform and compete in their academics, arts, and athletics.

Today, I am a Certified High Performance Coach, speaker, and author of Broken to Brave. Why this career? Passion. When we experience chronic stress, overwhelm, fatigue, and burnout, important areas of our lives unravel (health, relationships, productivity, task competency, etc.), draining us from truly living life and experiencing joy.

My passion is in helping high-achieving, hard-working women “Stress Less and Live More.” I help them take back control of their time, energy, productivity, and overall health and well-being through my Stress Less Live More program and high-performance coaching.

Before owning my own business, a health battle resulting in a referral to palliative care led me to resign from my 16-year career in education and school administration and take time off to focus on my health and family. Once back on my feet a few years ago, instead of going back into education, I pivoted into remote high-ticket sales, quickly moving from manager to director. It didn’t take long to realize I was out of alignment. I had so much to offer and could help people directly, according to my values. I wanted to live and lead with purpose.

So, my husband and I started our own company, providing motivational speaking and both high-performance and internal leadership coaching. We work with individuals, groups, and teams and have recently started working with students again. Currently, though, we are creating a program for parents called “Accidentally Disengaged: The Path to Becoming Intentional About What (WHO) Matters Most.” We only get one shot with our children.

Am I happy? Today, I am most definitely happy. I’ve risen above my circumstances and found the greatest joy in being present in the moment with my family and the people I choose to surround myself with. But “this” (happiness, life, goals, dreams) is not a destination, it’s a journey. I can say that I’ve found the tools and strategies I need to dance with adversity and walk off the dance floor holding my head higher than I did when my rock bottom “adversity” struck.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

My more recent struggle began with a diagnosis of cancer, and then evolved through a host of other traumas and physical, emotional, and mental battles. It wasn’t just the adversity, though. The pillars of my personality are deeply rooted…and involve a stubborn, independent, and highly sensitive child who felt like she never truly fit in.

I’ve always had multiple talents and passions—Jill of all trades, master at none, I guess? I couldn’t choose just one nor accept the traditional pathway through life. Wanting to experience it all, I’ve always strived toward something more. A calling, perhaps? As a young adult, it was confusing, isolating, and almost debilitating.

Without revealing who or exactly what, there was one particular individual in my past who had an effect on me that made me want their approval. And I believe that in part, this elusive pursuit of meaningless validation led me on a journey of self-discovery that colored my personality in more ways than one. But it also stunted my growth at the same time, making me self-conscious of the fact that I was a “horse of a different color.”

Perhaps many of us actually feel this way and I’m not so odd, after all? It’s fascinating how the facets of our personalities influence our journey. As for me, I believe not understanding and loving what set me apart led me on detours and self-degradation pit stops along the way. Not knowing which way was right, I did my best to fit into the “traditional” life route.

Back to more recent issues—they ebb and flow, a dance of depression, social anxieties, maybe a superhero complex, and for a brief but pivotal spell, suicidal ideation into action.

Let’s get to the heart of it, shall we?

In 2011, an aggressive, estrogen-driven breast cancer found me. I was in the midst of transitioning into the principalship early in my career. By the time we caught it, it was stage 3 and required a comprehensive and equally aggressive approach, beginning with chemotherapy to shrink the tumors before surgery. The first several weeks of chemo, I couldn’t eat and when I did, I struggled to keep it down. Everything tasted awful, even water. It also made me feel fat (bloated) and tired, and of course, I lost my hair. I kept working through most of it because I was too prideful to slow down.

After about four months of chemo, I had a double mastectomy and placement of breast implants, involving an expansion process where I felt an excruciating pain that knocked the wind out of me during each session we filled the expanders.

I could barely walk out of the clinic, and it took 24 to 48 hours to subside. That excruciating pain made me question whether or not “looking feminine” was worth it. These were the first of nine surgeries that would take place over the next nine years.

During my surgery, an unreal circumstance transpired—my dad was in the very same hospital, going through his own tests. He would also be diagnosed with cancer, stage 4 non-hodgkin’s lymphoma, just six months after me.

This likely happens more than we realize, but back then, cancer stories weren’t as pervasive or public. For us, it was surreal. The beginning of a string of traumas in my family that came to define us as fighters.

Throughout all of this, I presented myself as that fighter, a superhero. In my mind, my students, staff, husband, and kids counted on my strength. I set out to educate throughout my journey—writing, teaching, and sharing. My students even created a Team Alesch Facebook group for me to provide updates. They organized pinkouts and benefits in my honor. They literally colored the district pink. It brings tears just remembering.

Although I did share some of the vulnerable moments, I retreated, and mostly overshadowed the “darkness” with grit, smiles, and perseverance. I stopped short of truly processing the turmoil beneath the surface. I buried it.

Through it all, I was still a mom, a wife, a daughter, a principal… I had to keep going.

Remember that I felt different? Cancer brought this back. Up until that point, I had happily settled in as a school principal, finally in my element, working with teachers, students, parents, and community, striving together to create a culture of student engagement in the arts, academics, and athletics. I “fit in” here. Educational leadership suited me.

More and more, I felt “less than” in a diseased body. Damaged. Broken. Not good enough. Now enter “social anxiety.”

In all this, I haven’t even addressed my fears about my mortality. Mainly because they were in the shadows, only coming out at night to haunt me, when everyone else went to sleep.

Eight months after diagnosis, I moved on to the final stage of treatment, radiation. Besides fatigue, this was the most uneventful phase, as though preparing me for what was yet to come. And come it did. About 22 days after radiation, at Christmas time, in my abdomen, I started feeling pressure, pain, and a growing sense of fear. Tumors. Giant ones.

Soon after, I was slated for an emergency surgery where I wasn’t sure if I would wake up still a woman, in the way that mattered as a mother. The cancer had taken my hair. It had taken my breasts. It had put me through hell. It put me on medications that made me feel awful. It was this sick affair—I went to bed with it, woke up with it, it stole my time and my heart. Was it going to take my choice as a mother?

Looking back, we were blessed with a baby girl in 2007 and an unplanned baby boy in 2009. When I woke up from surgery, I leaned into those blessings more than ever because they had to take it all.

My ovaries housed grapefruit-sized tumors and my uterus was swollen. The tumors were benign; however, with the way estrogen attacks my body, my oncologists were not taking chances. Everything needed to go (a complete hysterectomy).

With my hormones in flux and everything catching up to me, a perfect storm storm was brewing. I needed it all to stop so I could catch my breath. Armor off, I was finally crying “UNCLE!” How tragically ironic this was…one year after my diagnosis (a few months after my hysterectomy), someone special to me (to all of us), our beloved Uncle Joe, passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack.

This was the kicker, the biggest blow of it all. Devastating at the time, between my cancer, my hysterectomy, all the side effects, and my father’s battle.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

The hysterectomy and losing a loved one triggered my slip into depression. Deep depression. One that most, including myself, had no idea about because the one thing I was good at was putting on my mask each day.

I didn’t recognize it for what it was at the time. I just felt like a failure for not being able to manage my physical, mental, and emotional health. I was unraveling.

Take into account that almost immediately after that surgery, hot flashes flooded in—four to six per hour, refusing me sleep. Hot flashes alone are maddening and enough to drive a woman to insanity (aside from all the other symptoms). I brought a change of clothes to work with me, they were so bad.

For humans in general, without quality sleep, everything else deteriorates. Including being able to cope with adversity—physical, mental, or emotional. Cognitively, my abilities to concentrate, focus, and be productive tanked.

My energy plummeted. I began questioning my intellect. I felt guilty for not being “better” in every area of my life. In some ways, I was furious that life went on for everyone around me, meaning, I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be more oblivious, if that makes sense. I wanted life to go on for me, too.

Are you getting the picture? Struggling, I could never get my body, heart, and mind to be in the same place at the same time. I was trapped in my own mind. I would be at home, either working, worrying about work, or wishing I had gotten more done at work. If work was where my mind was, then I was missing out on the LIFE right in front of me.

And that life included my children at the tender ages of two and four, my husband and our relationship and livelihood, and of course my parents and our extended family.

Flip that. Then, I would go to work, and the thoughts would perseverate, beating me down for not being more present with my loved ones. It was an endless cycle and devastating battle. I was living in past regret and frustration. I was living in future fear and worry. I was living anywhere and everywhere…but the present. The shame and guilt that comes with that takes its toll.

Anxiety became exaggerated, depression deepened, and I began questioning not just my purpose, but also my competence as a leader, administrator, wife, and most importantly, a MOTHER.

I told myself things like, ‘no me is better than the me they all are getting (especially my kids),’ and ‘they would be better off if I were one day replaced.’ I was okay with that. Welcomed it. Because in my increasingly warped mind, it made perfect sense…it was what was best for them, for everyone. For me.

I had no idea who I was anymore. I began imagining or daydreaming the easiest way to go, to leave this life behind. When I created those mental movies in my mind, I imagined “peace” on the other side of it, and the desire to feel peace once again became stronger and stronger, until one day after dropping my kids off at daycare, I almost followed through with an attempt.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

That was the moment. The moment when it was time to accept the shoes I’d been given and start walking, no matter how painful that was going to be. This part of my story is hard to tell. It took me an entire year to write this one chapter in my book, Broken to Brave: Finding Freedom from the Unlived Life. The chapter is the beginning of my book, but it’s called, “The End.” It’s how I introduce readers to my story.

Long story short, in a few brief breaths within my life’s journey, I found myself in my car with a bottle of pills. I don’t know if you believe in signs or messages from loved ones who have passed on, but something happened that I still struggle to process to this day. A beautiful cardinal landed on my passenger review window right in the “moment.” But it quickly flew away. So, although I thought it was a sign at first, I questioned if it was ever there at all.

Until it landed on the driver’s side rear-view mirror. I don’t know how to explain other than saying, at that moment, I woke up.

I had been numb for over a year. A waterfall of emotions flooded in. I realized that all of this (tragedy and pain) is not about me; it’s bigger than me.

And while I had been through hell, so many others have been and were going through, and will always be going through something so much worse. I knew in that moment, I needed to find my way back to my loved ones, to the present moment, and most importantly, to myself.

I needed to put the oxygen mask on myself before I could help anyone else. It would be a quest. And I knew it was going to be trying. But I needed to give it everything I had.

Needing help, I checked myself into a behavioral health center. Once there, I learned that my recovery would involve medication. I had been there and tried that (antidepressants), and I knew I wanted to try it without. So instead, I began seeing a therapist. The breakthrough was work but came when my therapist challenged me to tell my loved ones what I was REALLY going through.

I couldn’t. Instead, I cried. And cried. Although words come naturally to me, and I selectively journaled throughout my cancer journey, I couldn’t find the words to express my pain. This was my therapeutic turning point. The idea of unearthing that pain released the waterworks during that session.

For months, I had been denying the harsh reality of what my body went through, and how that impacted my sense of self, my hormones, my energy, my emotions, and my focus… I had been denying the loss of my uncle.

I know his passing hurt everyone. For me, the timing played a role. I grew up close to him, spending tons of weekends at his home, watching movies, making popcorn, and conquering Super Mario Brothers and Zelda. Uncle Joe was there for me always, especially during cancer, often taking me to chemo, radiation, my port surgery, and always with the family for the bigger surgeries.

I couldn’t accept that someone who was always there was no longer there.

For the first time, I was mourning his death. Seeing this opportunity, my therapist asked, “What if you told your story in the third person? Or write a piece about a character? Change her name. Tell her story.” And so I did.

When I shared this life-after-cancer story with my doctors, one suggested I publish it. Not just for inspiration but for survivors, future fighters, caregivers, and medical providers alike. Knowing people would know, I feared putting my “rock bottom” out there for people to read, and perhaps judge.

Would my competence be questioned? Could this “hot mess” perform at the levels required? Would I lose professional credibility? What if my closest family and colleagues felt responsible, like they had missed warning signs?

But those questions ultimately led me to find the value in sharing what I had been and was still silently battling through.

What if it could prevent someone else’s journey from taking the destructive twists and turns mine had? What if it could help caregivers and medical providers anticipate the road ahead and help the survivor navigate? What if MY journey could have been a little smoother because I had read or heard about someone else’s journey?

Before I knew it, I was on a path to publishing. Except. When my future publisher read my story about this “character who had been to hell and back,” he said it was great! Just not the story he wanted to publish. He said MY story needed to be told and then worked with me to make that vision a reality.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Quickly, before I get into the rainbow after the storm…

In addition to cancer’s aftermath, the surgeries, and all the medication, a host of auto-immune issues plagued me. From skin breakouts, to puffiness and discoloration in the face and eyes, to inflammation throughout the body to strange and unexplainable allergic reactions, to sinus infections and colds, to extreme fatigue and mental fog, to herniated discs, to further bouts with depression… my doctors (including oncology and specialist) could not get to the bottom of it all.

All of those symptoms added new levels of self-consciousness, frustration, depression, and anxiety, depending on the day. In 2019, oncology referred me to Palliative Care. I don’t know what you think of when you hear that terminology, but I think of “end of life” care. In essence, it means to sustain one’s quality of life.

What my doctors were saying was, “We can’t figure out what’s wrong… so, we want to involve some other specialists to at MINIMUM, sustain your quality of life.”

What I heard was, “We give up. Good luck.” I know that’s not the reality of the situation… or was it? I’ll never know.

Back against the wall, I made the somewhat crazy decision at just 40 years old, to resign from my career in education to focus on my health and my family. So many people in my life, to this day, don’t know about this aspect of my journey.

By this point, I was starting to feel like a failure again; yet, I couldn’t accept that this was all the better I was going to feel. I knew if I wasn’t careful, hopelessness would start creeping in.

Another blessing. A few months later, my sister (who would soon face her own stage 3 cancer battle) stumbled upon a Facebook post that described my situation to a T.

I was rejecting the implants and needed them out, immediately. Three surgeries (explant plus DIEP flap reconstruction) proved to be the springboard to overcoming all of the autoimmune issues weighing me down. Lifesaving.

So, how did I find my way back to the present moment? And how did I begin rebuilding my spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional health? Outlets.

Creative outlet

Perhaps one of the most therapeutically impactful actions I took was writing my book. That outlet was crucial to my healing.

When the house was quiet, super early in the morning or in the evening after the kids went to bed, I would make some hot tea, light a candle, put my headphones on, play some calming and inspiring instrumental music, and either meditate, pray, or write.

Spiritual outlet

Faith carried me through a great deal. Not always in the traditional, “attend church every day and twice on Sundays” sense, but in connecting with God through prayer, music, and writing, as well as finding a sense of gratitude and calm in being content within the energy of my soul.

With this, I learned about the power of visualization and manifestation, and practiced all of the above.

Physical outlet

I turned to exercise and a variety of workouts, such as walking, running, Insanity, P90X, and CrossFit. I fought through fatigue and challenged my body to improve itself, regardless of the symptoms I faced. I also learned about and practiced breathwork to increase my energy throughout the day.

On days when I struggled, I didn’t chastise myself. I made a point to get some movement in, and I patted myself on the back for the small win in the bigger picture.

Self-development outlet

I enrolled in programs from motivational speaking to high-performance habits to writing and editing to entrepreneurial to educational leadership. I became certified in leadership, high performance, and life coaching programs, not just to be a better leader and manager at work, but also to better manage myself.

I put myself on stage and published my book to help others. Challenging my brain to learn something new made me feel as though I was gaining back my “it” factor when it came to my cognitive quickness.

High-Performance coach outlet

I worked with a high-performance coach who helped me to:

• Isolate what I could control and let go of what I couldn’t;
• Clarify my identity and vision for my future;
• Gather a baseline in 12 key life areas and set goals for where I wanted to be;
• Inspect my schedule and routines to increase productivity;
• Optimize my time by redefining my values and priorities, then aligning how I was spending my time with what was truly important to me;
• Review my habits (including self-limiting beliefs) and identify what was working and what wasn’t, removing what wasn’t serving me;
• Gradually build in high-performance habits to overcome my health issues and move toward optimal health and wellness. 

When we inspect our thoughts, habits, and routines, we might find a great deal of misalignment that’s causing us to miss opportunities. I was trapped in this vicious cycle of living in past regrets and future worries, missing out on key moments and joy with my family.

Therapy outlet

The therapists I worked with were incredible (one was career-based, the other cancer). The most impactful strategy was writing my story from the third-person perspective. This freed me to explore my pain, but from a safe distance. In my book, I referred to this as “unlocking brave.”

Forgiveness outlet

Another key, the mortar to the bricks, was learning to give myself permission to fail, to fall off the exercise wagon, to feel crummy and just lounge all day on a Saturday, instead of cleaning the house, which desperately needed it, etc.

Taking time to rest, recover, and recharge when you feel like you should be working is incredibly challenging! But the work will be there. Let go of the guilt and shame. Life is too short. It’s not worth it.

Help outlet

Although accepting help sometimes felt unnatural, I needed it (my family needed), and we were surrounded by it. Whether family, friends, colleagues, students, or community, I had a wealth of people supporting me throughout my battles, from “D Day” and onward.

Without these inspiring and generous supporters, I don’t believe I would be here today, and be here as strong, healthy, and happy as I am. If you are reading this, you know who you are. THANK YOU.

Relationship outlet

This one is the most simple. Focus on and connect IN THE PRESENT moment with those who matter most. This is what life is all about.

We all know too well—people are with us one moment and gone the next, kids grow up before our very eyes, and if we aren’t careful, we might look back and realize that we were distracted with thoughts, activities, and work that didn’t matter. Live, love, and lead with purpose, and cherish your loved ones.

These outlets make up the initial bricks in rebuilding my life. Because it significantly improved my life, I layered in more high-performance coaching and continued learning breathwork and meditation for resetting and reenergizing myself. Recently, I’ve added ice baths (cold immersion) into my daily routine, giving the most shocking results of all!

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes, and no. I resisted because I wanted to be that unbreakable superhero. With loved ones, I didn’t want them to see or feel my pain. And sharing felt akin to admitting a decline in my cognitive abilities and thus accepting failure. It felt insurmountable.

There’s something else. Full transparency, I worried a few specific people would consider me a victim and talk behind my back. Spoiler. They did, and it hurt. But—their words were none of my business (which took me a long time to get). If you’ve experienced a similar conflict, remember: 

1. None of us are perfect; we are all human, flawed, and have weak moments where we think or say something hurtful, hold grudges, judge, gossip, etc. 
2. Someone else’s behavior says more about them than it says about you. It’s possible they are going through something that has nothing to do with you.
3. It’s time to let it go. Broken relationships can be one of the most unexpected obstacles to happiness because the pain and hurt linger. Consider forgiving yourself and them, if even only in your heart.
4. Your life’s path is yours. Theirs is theirs. Live and let live. Shine brighter to overcome any darkness creeping in, and fill your inner circle only with kind and uplifting people.

Over time and especially after the car incident, I became more authentically vulnerable and stopped sugarcoating. I told myself if I could help just one person, the journey and the fear of sharing would be worth it.

From my journal entries on Facebook and Caring Bridge to publishing my book to motivational speaking, I began receiving messages from people who were struggling. I knew I needed to continue sharing and owning “my ripple” (as in my impact on others).

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

SINGLE? Oh, jeez. LOL! My poor brain can’t narrow it down.

Helping others through their journeys helped me accept mine. It provided the key for me to walk through the door of true healing and physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual recovery. Life was not happening to me. It was happening for me to live, love, and lead with purpose. Ugh. I can’t limit it to just one.

The next key is in the two G’s—gratitude and grace. Finding gratitude in the small things shifts perspective, and giving ourselves grace (as opposed to self-destructive judgment) when we have human days and setbacks help us to stay the course.

The third key is accepting that to move forward, we have to move. We can’t take back control and move forward while in a passive state. We must take action—no matter how tired we feel, how much pain we are in, how scared we are, or how skeptical we are that we can feel better. It’s as simple as that.

Finally, each of us has one lifetime–that’s IT, just ONE! Although we don’t know how long that is, we each have the opportunity to make the most of it and be a positive force within our family, our community, and the world at large. We don’t want to look back and realize we missed life right in front of us. All we have to do is own our comeback and own our ripple.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

So many books inspired me; however, it’s more than just the books! Most of these books led me to purchase their courses, conferences, and coaching. What you put in your mind is just as important as what you put in your body. Feed your body, mind, and spirit the good stuff. Immerse yourself in people, words, and wisdom that inspire you to move forward.

• High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard: This has been the most impactful. It led me on a complete journey (from book, to course, to coaching) to not just performing but sustaining performance at high levels, leading to a sustained improvement in my overall health, well-being, productivity, and relationships.
• The Man on the Mountaintop by Susan Trott and Libby Spurrier: I loved this so much that I wrote a review. It’s an uplifting parable about modern-day pilgrims bringing a multitude of modern-day problems, sorrows, and grievances. It’s full of life lessons that had me giggling, crying, and shuddering, over and over again. I completed it in one sitting. I had to.
• The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins: This is a powerful technique to trick, or distract your brain rather, from procrastinating. There’s more to it, but in its simple form, count “5-4-3-2-1,” then do whatever it is you are putting off. Don’t think, just do.
• Make Your Bed by William H. McRaven: “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.” I walked away with a mantra and routine from reading this book. I originally watched his commencement speech, which this book delves deeper into the 10 core tenets he goes through. Essentially start the day out with a win, and everything else is a bit easier. It’s part of the reason I take ice baths every day!
• Your Secret Name & The Deeper Path by Kary Oberbrunner: With Your Secret Name, I learned to accept myself, for who I really am, despite the pain and despite the fear. With the Deeper Path, I delved into my purpose and owning who I am.
• The Introvert’s Edge by Matthew Pollard: This is more of a business book but it was powerful for me when I started retreating into my shell. It helped me with confidence and made me feel less alone. So, if you are someone who is in business or sales, this book could be helpful for you.
• Stress Less, Accomplish More by Emily Fletcher: Emily was my introduction to meditation. I started out with her book and then progressed to taking her online video course. It was incredibly powerful for me to learn how to slow down and disconnect (yet connect at a deeper and more meaningful level). It helped me to rest (take a powerful 5 to 15-minute meditation nap) during the day and get to a deeper sleep more quickly at night. I recommend the audiobook; she’s easy to listen to!
• Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza: I became curious about Joe Dispenza’s (neuroscientist) work after seeing him on YouTube. He has a powerful story about the power of the mind and essentially healing himself after a serious injury paralyzed him and he found himself face down in a hospital bed for weeks/months. I learned about something he called Mind Movies and Walking Meditations.  
• The Urban Monk by Pedram Shojai: This book helped me to get back to the basics. Regardless of the circumstances, and mine were pretty rotten at times, I worked toward grounding myself and resetting my nutrition, exercise, and sleep habits. It had all sorts of activities, exercises, and mediations. Just writing this makes me want to go through it again. I listened to this one on Audible. 
• Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer: Wayne Dyer is an absolute joy to listen to. It breaks down the ancient works and wisdom of Lao-tzu, presenting it in a way that’s relevant to today’s modern world. It’s hard for me to put into words the peace, calm, and purpose I felt when listening to his books. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Let’s connect wherever you spend your time! Fee free to send me a DM—just let me know you learned about me on Tracking Happiness!

• Teresa Alesch Website: You can learn more about my book, my story, and my life after cancer work here.
• Broken to Brave Book: You can go directly to it here on Amazon! 62 5-star reviews out of 62!
• Instagram: So much goodness coming.
• Facebook-Personal: Most active here.
• Facebook-Professional: My author, coach, and speaker page.
• YouTube: Just preparing to begin posting daily, starting with our ice bath journey! Feel free to follow along.
• The Live More Journey website: Coming soon (temporary holding page)! It is here that you will be able to learn more about our courses, coaching, and speaking.
• Stress Less Live More Free Facebook Group: Anyone looking for a community to learn and grow is welcome to join us!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

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Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Lifechanging Cancer Journey and How I Recovered as a Stronger Woman appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

I am Rita Vilhena due to my photography, also known as Rita Isabel due to my art. I was born and raised in Portugal and currently reside in Portugal.

I am an independent worker (that is what we call here for jobs like Photographer), since I am a professional Photographer, Digital Artist, and Painter. 

I haven’t been in a relationship officially since 6 years ago, due to the last relationship being very toxic and traumatic. I have 9 cats, I love animals! My passion is art and photography and thankfully I do what I love, so, most days it doesn’t feel like “work” even though it is. 

I consider happiness to be a moment that comes and goes, just like sadness, life has taught me that, however, I do consider myself happier than I ever was.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

The official name of what I struggle against is Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). 

The symptoms I experienced majorly and still do at times are:

• Fear of abandonment.
• Impulsive behavior (doing drugs, mainly weed to nullify my emotional pain which I know is wrong, unsafe sex, binge eating).
• Self-sabotage (mainly love relationships).
• Problems with my self-image (such as weight and beauty standards).
• Chronic mood swings (going from feeling good to feeling extremely sad).
• Chronic feelings of emptiness.
• Paranoid thoughts (like people harming me).
• Feeling detached, extreme anxiety (to the point I’d vomit food and even with empty stomach, shaking due to anxiety, mainly hands).
• Self-harm (I’d do small cuts on my wrists to relieve the emotional pain because it was too strong, however, I was able to never do it again and manage it).

And I’ve made two suicide attempts with pills, however, I have been able to manage this due to having psychotherapy with a psychologist who understands more about BPD and being on the right medicine (for my body)

The medicine that works out for me may not work out for someone else as medicine might change from person to person, not every “cocktail” of pills might work for the same person, because we are all different, all unique in our own way, from our brain to our feet. 

Please also understand, that psychotherapy is essential, taking pills is just like a crutch they aren’t the cure or the solution, they help you a little, and they give you a push simply, what will really and truly help you is psychotherapy, and you will want to quit it once it is working, now you will ask me, how will I know when it works? When you want to not go to the therapy sessions, that means it is working!

Because when you want to give up the therapy and quit it, IT IS, when it is working, it is when you feel the most pain, the most profound sadness and you make all sorts of excuses to not go, please, when that happens, force yourself to go, even if you have anxiety at that moment and so forth, face your fear and do go and tell your therapist exactly why you didn’t want to go and so on, your therapist will be there for you and will know how to handle it

He is the healthcare professional that truly wants to help you to overcome your past and current traumas and wants you to be able to manage your full day, as in, get out of bed, do daily tasks (like washing dishes, showering, making yourself pretty FOR YOURSELF!), he will help you see, even if it’s not totally “direct” because you have to do the work yourself but you need to be willing to do the work. 

And always remember this: If a doctor tells you, you do not have a cure, I know this is like, if someone is giving a death sentence because that happened to me, quit that doctor, there is a cure, even if not “total” but you will be able to manage your everyday life and have less and less of these symptoms

And you have to get to know yourself very well, no matter what others tell you about you, you are the one who knows yourself better than anyone! Also learn to know what triggers you, to know what is a toxic environment, and toxic people, and to know what is truly healthy for you. 

For someone who identifies with BPD and is struggling with such, this was the website that made me certain of having BPD, although I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist of having it. 

I think it started during my young adult years with BPD (however with MDD it started when I was 13 years old) but it aggravated severely because I was in a 6-year toxic and verbally abusive relationship. I often say I was a victim of psychological domestic violence because to me and from experts I’ve heard, that is what actually happened.

Although my family life was toxic, I never felt loved at home, especially by my parents. Even though I knew my parents loved me, they would be cold (as in, not giving hugs, kisses or saying that loved us) and so I wasn’t able to feel it. Sadly, there was a lot of psychological abuse in front of us.

Being a lonely child, isolated, and talented since a very small age, when I entered first grade, I was bullied by my schoolmates due to drawing well, I’d always be alone. For most of my pre-teen years and growing to teen years I suffered bullying at school and sexual harassment.

I also believe that made me feel like an object, objectified especially by men, rejected by women because I’d stand out among the rest of the women and they hated that and I’d search for love in the wrong places because the root of the trauma was in my childhood. 

This still impacts me to this day, as I am still a work in progress and I believe I will always be, we as humans have to refine ourselves, acquiring knowledge makes us evolve as human beings, if we don’t acquire knowledge we get stuck.

Knowledge is never enough, we are always students even if we can become masters but even masters keep learning. I do a lot of self-development and avoid at all costs reading negative quotes, posts, news outlets, etc. because I am hyper-empathetic.

I naturally feel for others and I also have to protect myself from that, because all my love relationships and even most friendships were extremely toxic and some were even abusive, being an empath we easily fall prey to people like narcissists and other types of personality disorders such as the dark triad.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

For many years, I was never able to be happy at all, even for small moments, it was a constant struggle and I’d never understand why I was not “normal” and wouldn’t “fit in” like everyone else. 

It wasn’t clear to the people around me that I was having a severe struggle inside me because I’d hidden it well, coming from a Christian family, sadly I lived inside a bubble made by my parents.

I would also hide it because when I’d try to reach out to people they would invalidate my feelings with such phrases as “there are people that have it worse”, “you are over-sensitive”, “you are too emotional”, there’s more phrases of this type that totally invalidate someone who is struggling in serious mental health issue.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

This isn’t a happy story. However I started to feel a little bit of change when I finally moved out of my parents to Germany into that abusive 6-year relationship (I lived in Germany for 4 years), I was finally able to be myself, around my parents and everyone I knew from church circle, I’d have to pretend to be someone else and never myself, my authentic self. 

Quantifying it, it was a result of my actions, because if I didn’t apply to Erasmus it would have never happened so I’d say 100%. But it was an escape from my parents and the toxic environment.

It still took me years of struggle to find a way around it, because since I was raised inside a bubble, my parents didn’t teach me or provide me the basic life tools I needed to be “out there”. I had to learn everything on my own and became a strong warrior. I’d still rely at that time too much on what others would say and would think of me. 

When I returned to Portugal, I went through 3 different psychiatrists until I found the proper one for the proper “cocktail” of pills. I knew I wasn’t still 100% but at this time, I was already doing psychotherapy, my mother had passed away (she was my best friend and confidant) and I started doing a lot of self-development.

Slowly I started to realize, I was following for example too many negative instagram accounts, with depressive mindsets and I told myself, life can’t be only about negativity, it’s impossible, so I cut off everything negative/toxic and started following everything positive that would make me acquire knowledge and make me grow as a human being, I found Jordan B. Peterson and that helped me a lot, like, a lot. (this is an example) 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

What really helped me was psychotherapy, self-development and I had to cut off a lot of people that were toxic to me, including relationships, friendships, and even family. I know it isn’t easy, it is very difficult, but I had to learn to love myself first and put others after. 

People might say I am selfish but no, that isn’t being selfish, that is having compassion, comprehension, and empathy for yourself. 

If someone is abusing you, gaslighting you, manipulating you, or taking advantage of you, you should instantly cut them off everywhere, including social networks, real life, everything. Even if you have to change your phone number (I had to do this because of a female ex-friend and even after I receive anonymous text messages trying to taunt me). 

Do not *ever* allow other human beings to abuse you in any way. 

I recommend a lot Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, because last year I had a music trigger, I was able to solve it by myself due to Dr. Jordan B. Peterson’s posts and videos on YouTube.

Every time I’d go to a supermarket or convenience store (the song was super popular) it would play randomly and I’d have panic attacks and I’d have to pretend to be okay and I’d start sweating and all I wanted to do was run and shout, sadly even my psychologist wasn’t able to help me with that but thankfully because I always do a lot of research, the posts and videos of Dr. Jordan B. Peterson helped me on solving my trigger. 

Related to triggers, if you know you going to trigger for example listening to a song, a movie, etc., fight your demons, slay the dragon in the cave! (like Jordan B. Peterson says) This will make you stronger in many ways.

Do not avoid your triggers, avoiding will increase them each time, find a way to get past them, this includes fears, always think you are strong, a warrior, and after all, you are! You are battling a heavy fight, even though we get down on the ground, we were taught to get up and keep going, do not EVER give up on yourself. You are precious. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I felt mainly comfortable talking about my struggles to my psychologists and very very few friends… Most people like I stated before, invalidate you right away because they lack emotional intelligence and empathy. They aren’t able to put themselves in other people’s shoes. 

I never felt comfortable talking to my parents about my struggles or my siblings because they never seemed like people who would understand at all what I was struggling with. However, they’d notice something was wrong, especially my mother. I always felt like there was a wall between us, due to my parents being conservative and at the same time open-minded. I’d keep it all to myself mainly.

Nowadays I don’t find it so hard to talk openly about my mental health struggle with someone but a lot of times I try not to do it, because I don’t want to give negative vibes, but also because in my country it’s considered still a taboo.

However in my opinion, if you want to know if someone is your real friend or not, tell them, wait for their action, if they disappear from your life, then you know these people never were real and never were true and authentic and you are better off without them! It’s a pretty good test. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I have a few pieces of advice I want to give:

Know yourself better, I did way later in life a personality type test which is known as the Mayer-Briggs personality test, which was based on Carl Jung’s studies of personality types.

I am actually an INFJ, one of the world’s rarer personality type, I sought answers nonstop for not ‘fitting in’ in the crowd and society and I always blamed myself for it, thinking it was my fault, once I did that, I finally understood A LOT, that happened in my life and why I was very rejected too because I was never afraid of speaking out. 

16 Personalities – Based on the Mayer-Briggs personality test, I find this the most accurate website, but you have to be very truthful, honest and do it with proper time.

Do not listen to people who have achieved nothing in life, especially if you are an overachiever and ambitious person, if you have a dream, run after your dream, God has plans for you and he gifted each one of us with something.

My gift was in the arts and since I was 14 years old (even though I started drawing when I was 2 years old) I’ve been after that dream, even if my own family has tried to “cut off” my legs (due to worrying because art life isn’t very profitable). Fight for your dream, when things are being the hardest and you’re ready to quit, that is when you shouldn’t quit because big things are coming.

Get away from people who trash-talk other people, these people are toxic, there is a saying in my country that is like this: “If someone is at a table trash-talking someone who isn’t there, once you get up and leave, the next topic of conversation will be you.”

There are always old sayings that have a truth in them and do make sense. 

Do not believe when society claims that because you love yourself and put yourself first that means you are selfish, this isn’t true! Being selfish means someone who never helps anyone, only looks to their own belly button, and has no empathy for anyone. 

Thank God or whatever you believe, each day you wake up just for being alive and having a roof over your head, food, and so forth, simply be thankful, it will increase your mood and you will learn the meaning of the simple things in life. 

Take walks in nature, even if alone or with your pet or with a friend or boyfriend/husband/companion, for a minimum of 30 minutes. 

Last advice, read this article to know that having BPD isn’t the end of the world, so you feel relieved.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

My recommendations for readings, podcasts, and YouTube learning videos are:

• Jordan B. Peterson, Rodrigo Silva, Augusto Cury, Dr. Ramani, Joseph Campbell.
• I listen to and have one book from Jordan B. Peterson (12 Rules for Life: Antidote to Chaos) and I love watching and rewatching his speeches where he deciphers the bible with psychology. 
• Pastor Rodrigo Silva sermons and when he goes to podcasts like PrimoCast, he explains in detail the bible verses and stories, he’s also an archeologist and he speaks of psychology too.  
• Augusto Cury’s books are excellent to help with self-love, he’s a renowned psychiatrist and if I’m correct, he also works in the field of neuroscience. 
• Doctor Ramani on YouTube related to Narcissism, this helped me a lot because I come from a family that has one or more narcissists, my current, and other kin. It’s a generational problem and it keeps passing on from one generation to another and I’ve been the main one trying to break the pattern. If there isn’t one that breaks the pattern, the pattern keeps on going for generations, this is why, nowadays there is so much crime. 
• Rhonda Byrnes, her book named HERO, which is inspired by Joseph Campbell’s The Path of the Hero. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can learn more about me on the following websites:

• www.ritaisabel.com – my art website that’s currently in English.
• www.vilhenarita.com – currently in Portuguese.

You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram @ritaisabelart, @ritavilhenaphotography, and TikTok @ritavilhenaphotography.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Learned to Manage Depression and BPD Through Art and Self-Development appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello there everyone, I’m Bob Taylor. I live in the great “mitten” state of Michigan. I am originally from Saginaw and now live in Kewadin on Torch Lake which is located in the northern part of the lower peninsula of Michigan. It’s a truly beautiful place on earth.

I have been very blessed in business and am the founder, sole owner, and CEO of Alliant Healthcare Group, which is an SDVOSB (Service-Disabled Veteran-Owned Small Business) medical device company headquartered in Grand Rapids, MI. We sell to VAs and military hospitals all over the world, in addition to civilian healthcare facilities.

I have been married to the love of my life, Sara, for thirty-six years and we have two amazing children who are now adults doing great things in the world. I also love being called Bumpa by my two grandchildren.

In addition to my family, my passion in life is helping other veterans find purpose, joy, and success after military service. I am now a very happy person and am grateful for every day.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

When I left active duty in 1992 shortly after Operation Desert Storm, I was very fortunate to land a great job working with my best friend from college as an R&D engineer for a medical device company. I had a great job, a supportive family, and by all appearances seemed well adjusted.

My struggle was with the hidden symptoms of PTSD. The stress of entrepreneurship with all its ups and downs was hard, but nothing had prepared me for what PTSD would eventually bring. 

I was a B-52 Navigator and flew eleven combat missions in Operation Desert Storm. Though I did not see hand-to-hand combat on the ground, I was haunted by thoughts of the destruction and harm the bombs caused, which led to extremely violent nightmares. They came about six months after I returned and went away as mysteriously as they started.

Even though the nightmares left me, the depression, irritability, and other PTSD symptoms did not. In actuality, the nightmares were not gone, just buried in my subconscious. They returned with a vengeance sixteen years later and that’s when drinking became my vice to help me fall asleep with the hopes of avoiding the terrors of the night. It didn’t work.

I didn’t realize how affected I was by this until this second phase of symptoms. My greatest regret in life is that I did not seek help until I had endured 16 years of struggle. I finally realized I couldn’t heal myself and I reached out to the VA (Veteran Affairs).

I have been through twelve years of therapy at the VA and an MDMA treatment specifically for veterans suffering from PTSD. At this point, I have improved immensely, and life has become joyful again.

I am eternally grateful for this and have written a book called From Service to Success to help other veterans and their families get through their struggles and come out the other side.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

One of the aspects of PTSD is depression and with depression comes irritability. Living with depression was like walking through molasses. Everything was more difficult, irritating, and unrecognizable. I knew something was in the way that needed to be cleared. It’s hard to be happy when you feel like that.

I was also irritable. You know that person in your family or at work that just irritates you? Well, I felt that way about almost everyone in my life. It was an internal torture and came out in ugly ways like yelling and swearing.

It was obvious to my family that I was struggling with something. I tried to internalize it, but it showed regardless. Their reactions to me should have been motivation to seek help sooner, but I was embarrassed and depressed and tried to fix it on my own.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Things went bad quickly at one point about 16 years following my combat experience. I couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares and the drinking wasn’t helping. Sleep deprivation can accumulate rapidly.

When I made the decision to get help from the VA, it took effort to get into the system, but the treatments helped me almost immediately. I was in pretty bad shape at the time. In a sleep study, my legs would jerk 270 times per hour. There’s no way I was getting any quality sleep. 

Simply making the decision to get help and then knowing I wasn’t alone to figure it out anymore, lifted the proverbial weight off my shoulders and brought relief. I took the initiative to change my life and I am proud of that.

I encourage others to do the same as often as I can. I struggled for almost two decades before getting help and I regret that. I wish I had done it sooner, but at least I did it. That’s why I want to spread the word to other veterans. So they don’t wait and suffer for years.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

The first step I took was admitting to myself and my wife that I had a problem that I needed outside help with. It meant becoming vulnerable, but it is not a sign of weakness. It is, without a doubt, a sign of strength to admit you need some help and then go to get it.

The next step was going to the VA and connecting with a therapist that I felt comfortable with. That’s really important. If you have a therapist that you don’t connect with or feel comfortable around, ask for another one. You will find the right person to help you and it makes all the difference in your healing journey.

When I knew I had found the right therapist for me, I said to her, “I will do anything you tell me to do. I will be the best patient you have ever had.” I stayed true to that, and it was worth it.

I’ve also quit drinking completely and I don’t regret it. In addition to that, I began daily gratitude practice. No matter what situation you are in, there is always something to be grateful for.

You can’t be miserable and grateful at the same time and being grateful feels a heck of a lot better! I also use many of the coping skills I learned in my therapy. I learned some amazing strategies that make living better.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

As I mentioned, I wrote a book to help other veterans struggling with PTSD or any aspect of transitioning from their military service. I’ve decided to share almost any aspect of my personal story, so I have completely given up my privacy at this point.

I have been interviewed, given speeches, done book signings, etc. I will talk to anyone about my experience if it helps them or someone they love. There is nobody that I do not feel comfortable talking to about my struggles now and I’m glad because when I am vulnerable, it lets people know they can be vulnerable too.

I didn’t feel this way right away, but it got easier every time and now it’s second nature. Of course, it was tough in the beginning. Anything new is because it’s unfamiliar. Each time I opened up, it became easier to do it the next time, and so on.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Don’t wait, seek help now! Your life is happening now, so don’t let precious years and relationships pass you by. What you do today affects your tomorrow and every day after that.

Each step forward is progress and better than being stagnant or, even worse, regressing. Your best days are not behind you, your best days are in front of you. So, take the action to create a joyful and successful future for yourself.

While you are moving forward, make it a priority every single day to find things to be grateful for. It’s everything and will keep you living, thinking, and feeling in an attitude of gratitude.

It might sound self-promoting, but I would advise people to read “From Service to Success” because it provides a roadmap for ways to constantly improve your situation.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Think and Grow Rich: This book helped me learn the law of attraction and how it works, which has helped me to create the life I want. 
• The Bible: Without my faith, I would be lost. I find inspiration, guidance, and lessons to lead me through my life.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me here, or on the following social media pages:

• Instagram.
• LinkedIn.
• Facebook.
• Twitter.
• Reddit.
• Youtube.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Story on Navigating PTSD and Helping Other Veterans Do the Same appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Morgan McCarthy. I am approaching my 29th birthday. I live in upstate New York. In Saratoga Springs, where the horses race, where you’ll find yourself at the location of the very first potato chip and water known to heal your soul.

I am a daughter, a sister, a friend and I hold three degrees. One in English focused on Public Relations and Gerontology. The second is in Hospitality Management and the third and most important, in life.

As a Life Coach, I have been able to harness my speaking skills and fundraising capabilities to reach a larger audience. It’s something I have been a part of my whole life. My needs might have hindered my movement, but not my speech.

I live every day in gratitude for the research and education others put forth for the next generation so other kids don’t have to feel how I did. Opportunities like this one, I have hope will help the kids that are waiting to be included by their peers because they are judged for things they have no control over.

Career-wise, I credit my older sister, Erin for moving to New York City after college and finding resources and connections to help me grow. My middle sister, Erica, for being a teacher and inviting me into her classroom. My brother for being an extra layer of security growing up, always choosing me when I needed him on the bus ride home or the end of the driveway to feel safe when kids were mean.

There were many days I spent in tears because I just couldn’t understand how some kids could be so cruel. My parents never let me miss out on things as a child. Nothing was ever handed to me just because it would be harder if I did so, myself. I did everything, I tried everything. I settled on cheerleading, Girl Scouts, and figure skating, that later led to, monoskiing.

We grow stronger as a unit and over the years we all have grown and some of us have multiplied. That’s still where I return to peace and comfort. With all the amazing things I have been able to do, I have to ride the wave of emotions that come with such amazing opportunities that simply were a different trajectory than my peers.

Professionally, I currently help women (&men) foster a better relationship with themselves, their peers, and their diagnosis as it intersects with life. As well as anyone who wants to learn how to be a better friend.

As a disabled woman myself, living with two visible health conditions, cerebral palsy, and brachydactaly. (I will take the time to explain the impact on my health in later sections) I saw a gap in the market where I had someone, not everyone does.

That friend, Andrea Koenig, helped me through major moments in my life as a child and young adult because she is fourteen years older than me. From things like classroom accommodations to the possibility of driving to getting to a place where now, I now have a personal assistant who helps me with my day-to-day needs so I can be more independent. With her, I knew how to get by. So in 2022, I had a wild idea I could be that for others.

I now have a micro-influential following online, I was able to expand my career with opportunities like this one, being on Instagram (@Yourhotdisabledbestie). I’ve been able to support individuals and companies for a more inclusive lifestyle. A disabled Dear Abby, I like to say.

I have made so many new connections with those in similar situations. A space to learn, grow, and feel seen by others and have people who need it have a place to ask questions without fear that I am going to be offended. I know without a shadow of a doubt, without the presence of technology I would spend even more time alone than I already do. That is a slippery slope.

As for my personal life: I have a service dog named Dewey, he retired this year at 10. He gave me my first gig at parenthood. In 2015, I was blessed by a nonprofit organization called Canine Companions for Independence. CCI has given me a new leash on life. I wake up with a purpose to let Dewey out and feed him breakfast, make memories over the years with many people.

My passions include but aren’t limited to exercise, creative works of art, travel, and cooking. Exercise being most important, as we progress that was probably what saved me. The ability to be creative is innate within me from dancing to movies and being a visionary.

Travel is tricky, but still a love. If the world was more accessible I think I would do so more often. I like to think I’m a foodie, I grew up saying “BAM” like Emeril Lagasse all the time. Food Network will always be on my TV.

Happiness is tough for everyone, as I think it’s relative to your environmental stimuli. Yes, that is – in agreement with Gabor Mate. I would say 75% of the time I am well overjoyed to be a human on this planet.

However, You can’t maintain joy all the time. The contrast allows you to miss happiness when you have it. I hope sharing my mental health journey will help someone else. I think there is something beautiful about being honest about your pain when you’ve processed it.

My social media is my communication with my people in the outside world. When you don’t have the people in your neighborhood to go for a coffee with, your bestie could be in California just waiting to hear from you.

I’m thankful to have grown up in an age where it is so readily accessible. Those are the friendships that mean more, people with a direct connection to health in all facets, especially chronic conditions.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Trigger Warning: The following paragraphs discuss self-injury. 

The official names of my struggles are Anxiety and Depression related to the life of a patient with Chronic non-progressive health conditions. Meaning, they will never get better. They will never go away.

I have CP. It’s a brain injury that makes walking, processing information, motor planning, and special areas of life incredibly difficult. Living with a genetic bone condition is another source of pain, loss of typical hand and feet function. Granted, I still have them.

Every day is different with the amount of loss I will feel every time I wake up. I might be set off by a random stranger’s manicure or how their engagement ring sits on their finger.

I might wish I could take myself to Starbucks. I have my permit, I just choose not to drive because I don’t feel comfortable in the snow. Having service providers, that’s taken care of, and it’s much less stressful for me and how I see the world around me with said damage from my brain.

I could go into that in a lot more detail but Dr. Daniel Amen, who you can find on social media discusses that in more detail, linked later.

My Anxiety and Depression started in 5th grade, around 10. If not earlier when it came to standardized testing, like a simple spelling test in 1st grade. I would get sick and the nurse would call my mom.

She would bring me home and all of a sudden, I would have this huge sigh of relief. I believe it’s a cause that I am never not in fight or flight in my nervous system.

Again, with the brain damage and constant pain, I grew a threshold of what I could and could not tolerate. A test was enough stress with the stimuli in the classroom, even with testing accommodations, I struggled.

When the other kids were finishing before me, for example, I simply could not process and deal with the ruffle of papers, putting up the folders so kids couldn’t cheat. I felt suffocated by the room I was in.

When these moments are coupled with change when I enter middle school, the change in friends, the way I viewed my body, hormones, and my brain damage, in general, make a difference in my everyday life. 

Over time, my anxiety consumed me. I went from a friendly, happy-go-lucky kid to living with an eating disorder triggered by a dairy allergy. Matched with the isolation when my peers started to play sports.

I would make myself sick because I became too overwhelmed to even leave my house, which is considered agoraphobia and a deep state of depression.

I would not leave my bedroom except to wander to the bathroom. I was consumed with worry, that my fragile little body would not make it to the bathroom in time. 

A doctor in middle school even questioned if I was adopted, my mom tans easily and I was very low on Vitamin D.

Fear made it so that all of middle and high school I would cry all the time and have self-injurious tendencies. Not to a degree where I was bleeding profusely from my wrists. I would take coat hangers, picture frame glass, and anything that would give me a sensory output so the chaos around me would stop, I would find and hurt myself until I could regulate my breathing.

I know now I was seeking a release from the pressure I put on myself to be okay all the time. Happiness is a challenge because I wake up with a deep amount of grief from the woman I could have been if nothing happened. Every milestone a person meets with a diagnosis changes the perspective on how wonderful life is.

On the other hand, it’s equally devastating to miss those moments. I just never allowed myself the space to hold those feelings in the moment they happened. I was still lucky enough to be a part of things that people wish for every day.

I still was involved in homecomings, as a cheerleader and voted on the court. I went to both junior and senior proms. I was involved in every single thing my community offered. I made my mother a taxi driver. I was somehow able to balance every hospital visit and trip to the doctor’s office with finding time to do homework and be at a chorus concert.

The amount of energy it takes to make this experience look easy to the naked eye is a fragile balancing act.

The ease I am referring to is I have always been grateful to be the one to say “I have air in my lungs, on my own. I’m good.” I have my faith in God. There was a reason I was chosen to live like this simply because I can be strong when I need to.

Being strong doesn’t mean not being able to walk as well or as far as others, process information to simply, write this. To grieve if my body worked my capabilities to dance and hear music may have led me to Julliard. I always send myself back to “I’m good”.

I have clothes on my back, food in my belly, love from my family, and a roof over my head. These things don’t outweigh the suffering I take to my pillow at night. That is where my suffering lands though, for the most part, I am so happy this is my journey. It’s a destiny. 

Keep in mind, it was not ever, that I wasn’t getting help. Doctors simply didn’t have answers and my parents knew also to give space for what is your teenage years. They are hard for everyone.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst, I would hurt myself so I had an escape and a release. There are points where I feel so out of control in my body that even breathing is a task. I hold my breath. 

In truth, I have night terrors about what my funeral would be like, who would show up? Would I be missed? Would people come out of the woodwork when I was gone? If I left this body here would I hurt less? I battle every single day with loss. Your mind begins to play tricks on you. 

I never came to a place where I had to grapple with those feelings because I got help, it just was a long road to getting answers. I got to a place with my family where it wasn’t just teenage angst. In high school, I got medicine and a therapist. That helped for a while. 

For all I knew through high school and college, it was a bandaid. I was still unhappy deep down, these behaviors continued in private. I tried to taper independently in 2014, in college and I still had no control over my emotions that it was too hard.

When I moved home in 2016 I spent that year finding myself and then got approved for state services. In 2017, that helped because I was able to have in-home services and the freedom to leave and go out.

During this time I began getting sick. I would sweat profusely, be nauseous, and feel like passing out simply grocery shopping. I would return home and sleep.

Any time I was stressed or felt like I couldn’t handle it, I would hurt myself, but it was suppressed because the medication dulled the pain and made me sleepy. So I would sleep. A LOT. 

Suicidal thoughts never go away. Really, I have found, it’s a decision to be happy every day. God put me here in this body to provide knowledge of this journey. I truly believe that he puts things in your path and doesn’t make mistakes. You can choose to communicate your needs and advocate for yourself until you’re heard.

Since 2021, with a push from my experience, I passed through the pandemic where everything got even worse. I finally decided to see if the dose of the medication I was on was the cause of these other body systems failing me.

I‘ve come out of medicine and turned my life completely on its head because I advocated for myself after 14 years of medicine, it no longer served its purpose. It was hurting me still. I was on a large dose in respect to others through research I had done.

As previously stated, I was always tired, sweaty, nauseous, couldn’t see, and had heart palpitations. It took a good four years to say to my medical team I wanted to be done with medicine.

I’m happy to share those parts because I know there are people who need medical intervention. This is not to say medication does not work. This is me saying that you can heal holistically too.

Below I will share what I believe to be the reason I have motivation every day to be okay and when I’m not. I discuss it with those who are trained to understand, have been through the issue itself, or a just simply a part of my life because they love me.

I do not fault how I was raised to not wallow in sadness as the sole reason I did those things to myself. I have made peace that I am an emotional and empathetic human.

No parent wants to see their child suffer. No sibling wants to bear the thought that their little sister doesn’t have what they have because she can’t. That’s not how she was made. I had to discover who I am, not asleep and watching life pass me by.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Things started to turn around after COVID-19. I made friends on TikTok. One of them had cerebral palsy himself and it changed how I saw myself. He said, “It’s okay not to be okay.” I had to sit with that, meditate with it.

He took a lot of what I always was told I wasn’t allowed to do and said “Try and see… you can. You did that, not me.”. I became close with his friends, who play soccer professionally, and they really gave me the space and the goals to grow and change.

Some examples of that are flying for the first time, walking six miles, seeing fireworks and not having a medical event in the process alongside my personal assistant who was there through it all. I would not be the woman I am without her. Amongst her own skills in her profession, she is constantly helping me grow to try new things. 

But being there, there’s not a nicer feeling than someone asking to carry your walker up a flight of stairs, or when you take a picture to say hey, I’m right behind you, I got you.

Friendship that was built over an app, where you can livestream your day. I went from being alone to laughing, feeling included and I am a lot more relaxed knowing someone would climb a fence to see me, and support me when someone says I’m too slow.

It was with their support and they will say in complete shock, that I tried something. Something I had always wanted to do was run. It’s something I see in my dreams and I truly never tried because It was always advised against.

Since third grade, I wanted to do the steeplechase. This makes more sense to say, Nick is a 3x paralympic gold medalist with USA para track and field, living with CP himself.

I know I will never be that fast. The conversations we had though, led me to a place where it held space for me to change. Not because I want to beat him, not because I feel like my Olympic dreams have sailed because I’m 29.

It’s because of those six words he shared with me and anyone he impacts. I’m not that special. I just heard what he said. This actually worked. I listened to every interview, watched every video, and sat with the feelings he brought into my heart because he had been through it.

I didn’t have to be someone that I wasn’t around him or his friends and because of his friends, I built friendships with individuals that are desensitized to a stigma that is often correlated with disability.

I know I am determined, but the lightbulb did not click until June 26, 2021. That I was capable of having a release where I would not hurt myself I could heal myself.

It was a change I had to make 100 percent on my own, with support and cooperation.

However, those six words saved me. The call came from inside the house if you will. The push from the online community and how excited they are to see me thrive and try. 

I learned that I could run for myself. It was going to hurt, look different, and take time, but I could. Now I run every day to get that feeling out of my body, I didn’t successfully do so until March 2022.

I’ve since come off medication and I haven’t harmed myself in close to 800 days.

Those conversations gave me peace to know that I came from a place where things had to be okay, all the time because I have so much good in my life that there only needs to be five minutes of space for the sad times.

My life isn’t bad. It’s just different. In moments where I didn’t have a concrete plan of attack for anything I did, the first time around. I felt like I couldn’t admit to myself or others that I wasn’t ok. If you are not, that is completely okay and the situation will eventually change. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

I feel like I need to give credit to where that came from so here it is. Tiktok, those guys, and the ladies I met along the way. I can act like my true self because my needs are considered, I’m included, even from miles away, and I’m rallied for and prayed for.

They make it so things feel normal even if it is through a phone. We rarely are together in person. However, across the country, they’re all eating dinner, at night and just want a sense of community themselves.

When they’re flying to different cities and in different places it’s something that keeps us connected, so the app is just a way we all keep and touch and get to laugh with each other. The group of them is solid. 

In closing, they are people that I have the pleasure to stand behind. Unwavering support not only as the Whole USA on a track listening to the national anthem. I will always choose to rally for them, I am still here because of that pivotal moment. As far as Australia. From places such as South Carolina & where ever they end up professionally.

So to Nick, because of you, I am motivated to stay up and running and give myself peace when many others simply can’t comprehend how this feels every day, you will forever be someone that I wish nothing but success and have my respect. I hope I get the chance to run beside you one day.

To Jimmy, out in Maryland, there’s no better guy to slice a watermelon than you. Noah Pilato, I will forever be grateful for that very first barricade hop. I’ve never had someone run towards me so fast.

Noah Franke, thanks for staying awake from streaming video games and teaching me how to play even if I struggle to hold a controller. Lachlan, you went vegan. I’m sure you love that I share all my recipes with you!

Greenville Triumph Soccer Club, USL1, Thank you for your continued love and support from all your players and staff. It makes me delighted to know I have a place to have a safe, fun time.

Thank you because those experiences pushed me to change and heal and laugh and smile again, to breathe and know someone is a text away. 

Below I’ll discuss how I have been able to be 15 weeks clean, walk a mile, and work on sprinting the 200 meter. Not for anyone else but for me and for my brain.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

There are at least 10 consistent things that help me. Everything I know I learned from my family. Mom, Dad, Erin, Matt, Matty, Maeve, Erica, Dennis, Logan and Landon, Mike Gina, and Brinley. Thank you for making me home safe and keeping me grounded. Loving me where I was every day.

Second, I take vitamins. A multivitamin but in specific, B6, 12, Vitamin C, Zinc, including getting outside with real vitamin D. Personal shoutout to magnesium for relaxation and muscle recovery.

Third, the gym, my gym!!!!! To Nate and Tonya for taking the chance. Even though Nate has known me forever. It’s a huge undertaking. My trainers Caleb and Christian, that learned everything they could about CP and walking and spent time with me and the equipment, and made it a safe social environment. Thank you Max Level Fitness and Althetics.

The fourth step, my therapist, Brandi who provides stretch and circulation to my body for some sense of relief thank you. 

Fifth, to Carly, my business mentor who helped me create YHDB, I owe you one! For giving me the space to learn and trust my intuition.

Six. Dr. Rhonda, thank you for providing the medical care I need to safely taper and be a voice of reason for my feelings, all of them. Also having that exact same statement in your office.

Seven, my personal assistant Mariah, who takes me everywhere, for the goal of an independent life ahead- you push me to be a better friend and human every day, I love you.

Eight, My service dog, Dewey. I love you more than words can quantify. Without you, I wouldn’t get out of bed.

Nine, God, for this I know was my destiny. Romans 5 3:5.

And lastly, ten: Hope that one day, become day one with the love of my life, the empire I build, and the wishes I have to be a wife and a mom. I have so much hope for the future. I can see what happiness looks like now.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

In truth, I hesitate to talk about this with anyone other than my family and Dr. Rhonda Fein because of the nature of the subject matter. I want to be respectful, that some people need more help than others, or that someone knows the right thing to do for each person.

I think I have gotten more comfortable over the years with owning it. I was on a separate podcast about it before. Mental well-being is a heavy topic.

I had access to help, people saw signs but also medical professionals gave me clearance to taper to see if everything would calm down and it did. In truth, change comes from within. You have to do it for yourself. You have to want to try and see where you’re at.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

That you’re the only person that can change your thoughts about how you feel. Happiness is a choice. You can still be desired, disabled, and someone’s friend. I thrive off of steadfast friendship.

People will leave you and people change. It’s bound to happen. If you can be that person for someone else because you’re secure in your discernment. Then, be that for others. I can say now, that I know every part of me. I am successful because I trust myself.

I know that those people mentioned in this interview are there to communicate, cooperate, be a source of motivation, bring peace, promote laughter, and garner hope. The goal to help boils down to feeling safe communicating what you need and evolving into your best self.

The biggest takeaway is I needed help until my brain chemistry matured. I very well might need medicine again. At another point in my life, all of that is ok, I will be ok. What wasn’t okay was when I wasn’t getting relief from what was supposed to help.

Resulting in, harming other body systems. I hope that doctors communicate with patients they see fit to change or limit the use of medicine. what I needed at 14 was not the same as what I needed at 28. Or the future. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Viktor Frankl’s “Man Search for Meaning” “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
• Dr. Daniel Amen. 
• Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder by Gabor Mate. 
• 3x paralympic medalist Nick Mayhugh can be found here.
• Therapy
• I have to thank TikTok as it opened a world up to people who understood me and allowed me to reach people I’ve made friends.
• Determination is key too. You just keep going.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me here on my LinkedIn or find me @yourhotdisabledbestie on Instagram.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Cerebral Palsy Impacts My Mental Health And How I Find Happiness Nonethelss appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, I’m Richard R. Becker. I’m an author living in Las Vegas.

I’ve lived here a long time, but I’m not a native. My grandparents raised me for ten years in Wisconsin. When my grandmother started to lose her battle with cancer, it was decided I would be reunited with my mother, who had remarried and had my sister. We moved to Las Vegas in the late 70s, early 80s by way of Minneapolis.

I left Las Vegas immediately after high school to attend college in Southern California before transferring to the University of Nevada, Reno. I eventually moved back in 1991.

It wasn’t my first choice, but I was able to start a wildly successful writing services and communication firm that worked with thousands of companies and nonprofits. Some of them were even Fortune 500 accounts.

During this time, I’ve concurrently worked as a journalist, communications director, and professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. I’ve also served on a state commission and currently serve on a city commission. Two years ago, I began my literary career with a collection of short stories. More recently, I’ve launched a debut novel. 

I’m married and have two amazing children. My son recently graduated from college and began his career in Reno, Nevada. My daughter is enjoying her senior year in high school. She serves on the student council and plays travel softball. I help out, too. I’m the assistant coach of her high school softball team.

As a family, we love traveling, art museums, and live theater. I also have interests in fitness, hiking, horseback riding, parks, and photography.

I am definitely a positive person who has joy in my heart. I’m very grounded with who I am as a person and the choices I’ve made to get here. It feels like it took forever, but I’m starting to live the life I adore — one I could have never imagined!

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I’ve lived with a chronic identity crisis, which sometimes manifests as anxiety and depression. I struggled with it for as long as I can remember. 

An identity crisis is generally defined as a period of uncertainty or confusion in someone’s life, most likely triggered by a trauma. In my case, I’ve moved from one trauma to another for the past 50 years, applying partial Band-Aids along the way. 

It doesn’t matter how successful you are. It doesn’t matter how valued others say you might be. It doesn’t matter how many accolades you receive. You still feel like you are failing, unloved, and worthless — like the bottom will drop out after every success and everything will be lost.

My biological father died in a car accident when I was two years old, which is why I lived with my grandparents. My mother, who was 17 when she had me, wasn’t equipped to raise a child and abandoned me in their care while she figured it out. 

It was an at-risk household. We were poor, and my grandmother was dying of cancer the entire time I lived with them. To make matters worse, I was born with club feet. It contributed to early social and educational challenges that stunted my ability to ever feel like I belonged anywhere. 

When it seemed my grandmother would die, my mother and her new husband asked if I wanted to visit them for the summer. The visit wasn’t a vacation. It was permanent, and my grandmother died a little more than a year later. I was frequently told my grandmother was only hanging on to care for me. So when I moved away, she lost her will to live. 

Living with my mother was a disaster. I was provided for and, in some ways, benefited from moving into something more akin to a middle-class family. But the trade-off wasn’t worth it. My mother believed that my grandmother had spoiled me.

She feared I would turn out like my father, whom she resented. She harbored animosity toward me for ruining her life as a teenager, and after taking me into her household as a ten-year-old.

She set out to break the fragile sense of identity I had cobbled together. Her psychological abuse included long periods of silent treatment, frequent room confinement (once for a month, with everything stripped from the room), public humiliation, threats of being sent to juvenile detention camps without cause, demeaning talents, taking possessions, manipulating other family relationships, and generally dismissing me and my feelings because I had no value. What was worse was that I believed I deserved all of it. 

My primary motivation for attending college was to move out as quickly as possible. I was terrified I wouldn’t be accepted. What I didn’t know was the damage would follow me throughout my life, constantly trying to prove that she was wrong — and more correctly, trying to prove to myself that she was wrong. Because honestly, I believed her. I was worthless and wouldn’t add value anywhere or to anyone.  

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

There was this idea that my father’s car accident was not an accident — that he purposefully veered off the road in Florida at high speeds and hit a tree so hard that the body couldn’t be identified. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. He had attempted suicide before, driving a car into a wall. 

Growing up with the notion that your father may have committed suicide puts that option squarely in your lap. As a teenager, I engaged in self-harm, risky behaviors, and contemplated suicide. I often felt alone, sad, and guilty for things beyond my control, including being alive and a burden.

I didn’t think anybody would miss me if I wasn’t around. I was scared because my mother had diminished the one talent I thought I had, which was an artistic talent. I had no faith in my abilities. I didn’t think I would outlive my father. He died at 19.

College wasn’t much different. I outlived my father, but I was still living two lives. In one life, I was working hard to pay my way, making new friends, and maintaining excellent grades. In the other, I played a part, got into fights, and drank until I blacked out. Even after college, I felt like I was chasing success and failure at the same time.

Nobody knew how I felt. Most people only saw me as one of the most driven, self-assured people they knew. Their belief in me only made me feel worse because I was certain I would let them down. It was only a matter of time. My only reprieve was alcohol. I drank the pain away.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

My initial reaction to this question was to say no. There was not a single moment when things started to turn around for me because there were several pivotal points in my life, independent traumas, that were important steps in my climb toward salvation.

But there was a crystallizing moment when everything came together. I was diagnosed with cancer ten years ago. A few months before surgery, I came to this revelation that the quantity of time we have is not as important as the quality. 

We always want more of it. We rarely use it wisely. And most of us sell it for far too cheap.

It was also the first time in my life that I looked at myself — what I had experienced, overcome, accomplished, and shared with others — and recognized that I had done enough. I had lived a full and ultimately rewarding life. I wanted more time with my wife and kids, sure. But I was satisfied with myself, not as a measure of some success, but as a person.

What I didn’t know at the time was how much I needed to find this resolve. All the trials I had endured, books I had read, and mentors I had trusted. All of it, along with surviving cancer, gave me the strength I needed to weather what came next.

We lost four family members over the last decade — the most challenging of which included a battle for guardianship to save my paternal grandmother’s life (which failed) and a subsequent struggle to preserve her legacy (which partly failed).

As if that wasn’t enough, as those battles ended, I had to step up and help my mother transition to assisted living after she suffered a major stroke. While I had previously forgiven her, new wounds were inflicted. But I quickly forgave her for those too. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

Developing a solid identity took years, partly because I didn’t know that was what I was doing. As a result, every step felt like overcoming the struggle until a subsequent trauma would destroy my progress. 

I may have found a resolution sooner had the solutions come quicker. But because I hadn’t identified the problem, I suppose they couldn’t. 

The first bit of advice that helped me came from a colleague. He was a mentor in the communication field named Keith Sheldon. Shortly after incorporating my business, I doubted my identity as a new executive. 

Keith was instrumental in teaching me that we are not our labels. There wasn’t any difference between the freelance writer I was and the entrepreneur I became. It might sound simple, but it’s a challenge for many people.

We have this image of the perfect spouse, parent, employee, or whatever, but we never feel we can measure up to that ideal person. But people don’t want the ideal spouse or parent or whatever. They want the best for us, not some label we’ve adopted. 

Keith wasn’t the only mentor I was blessed to have crossed my path. During one family crisis, stress shaved 30 pounds off me in three weeks. While some people might be happy about that, I was already lean. So, I hired a personal trainer named Nelson Ellis, Jr. to help me properly rebuild my health.

After a few weeks of venting during our workouts, he suggested I take a break from all the problems going on when I was at the gym. I listened, and it gave me a safe place for the first time in my life. 

During another personal crisis, after discovering a good part of what I was told about my childhood was untrue, I began picking up little bits of wisdom from various authors. One of the first to significantly impact my life was Thomas Hora, the founder of metapsychiatry.

His book Beyond The Dream and others helped me find a foundation to build upon. Along with Hora, I also read Ask The Awakened by Wei Wu Wei and On Having No Head by Douglas Harding. 

The latter two books derive their ideas from Zen Buddhism, Taoism, and other Eastern philosophies. Surprisingly, reading them helped me reconnect to my faith as a Christian. Faith has become an essential cornerstone in who I am today and why I carry joy in my heart. 

Looking back, it’s easy to see how each of these things became a pillar in my life: intellectually, physically, and spiritually. All of them are so important in finding peace, assurance, gratitude, and love. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

This is the first time in my life that I have openly shared the story about my struggle with anyone. When friends, family, or colleagues read this article, I suspect most will be shocked. Even with friends and mentors who have helped me, I limited what I shared and when I shared it because it ran contrary to the identity I projected. 

When feelings of vulnerability and betrayal are the norm, opening oneself to risk doesn’t come easy. I can only talk about it now because I don’t feel like I have anything to lose or that anyone can hurt me knowing what I experienced. I’m hoping that being open with my struggle will help other people who feel confused about who they are or uncertain about their value. 

I recently wrote a debut novel, Third Wheel. It’s fiction, but the protagonist and I do share some life experiences. Specifically, I used my childhood as his framework. It was challenging and liberating at the same time. In the book, the character learns that it is never too late to change direction. The question is whether or not he is able to do it in time. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Properly identifying the problem is a pivotal part of overcoming any struggle. I spent many years believing that my treatment growing up was deserved and that my fragile identity was just indicative of being deficient. I used to joke about it — defending how I was treated by my mother as evidence of something being wrong with me. 

Only after I spent years confronting symptoms did I eventually recognize the problem. I carried so much self-doubt and sought affirmation because I did not have an internal sense of self. It didn’t matter how much I accomplished or how many people I helped. I only measured positive outcomes by how others perceived and recognized me or my actions.

The sooner we let go of labels, expectations, or the pain of past experiences, the sooner we will feel joy in our hearts. There are many ways to lighten the load. Meditation, contemplation, communication, and forgiveness can all play a role in recovery. Don’t wait. 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I have a go-to list of books that I sometimes share with other people who are struggling to find themselves. Collectively, they helped me shed the labels assigned to me in the past and the labels people prescribed for me in the future. We don’t need any labels.

• Beyond The Dream by Thomas Hora. It helped me learn how to live life as more than a nonparticipating observer. There is truth to his thesis that all problems are psychological, and all solutions are spiritual. How we choose to see the world directly influences how we feel about it.  
• Ask The Awakened by Wei Wu Wei. It taught me that the easiest way to get rid of a negative self-view is to recognize that there is no “self” — at least not one defined by trite labels like a “good son” or “successful person.” 
• On Having No Head by Douglas Harding. It helped me understand how what we allow to appear in our consciousness is how we experience the world — unless we start to understand how to look inside ourselves first. There is more to us than our behaviors. 
• The Philosophy of Andy Warhol by Andy Warhol. There is a piece of wisdom in here that I always found comforting. He mentions that all of us have painful experiences. So what? It’s a great reminder that the past doesn’t have to influence our future. 
• “What Do You Care What Other People Think?” by Richard P. Feynman. He is an exceptional example of a Nobel Prize winner who always blazed his own path and never took what others laid down first as fact. He also reminds us that the more we know, the less we know. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

The easiest place to learn more about me and connect is by visiting my Biosite, which includes links to my author page, blog, website, and most social networks. You can also look for my novel, Third Wheel, on Amazon and anywhere books are sold.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Navigating a Lifelong Identity Crisis and Finally Finding Happiness in Myself appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi, my name is Krystal Alexander. I currently reside in Frisco, TX. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, with a specialty in grief and loss. I also work as an Assessment Specialist helping individuals in crisis or with severe persistent mental illnesses into acute psychiatric care. 

I am a single woman who enjoys singing, spending time near bodies of water, spending time with friends and family, and following the teachings of Jesus Christ. I consider myself to be more than happy. I have fullness of joy!

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

In 2018 I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. However, since the age of 10 yrs old, I struggle with symptoms of anxiety and feelings of persistent fears.

I would experience rapid heart rate, persistent feelings of fear, migraines, dissociation, difficulty sleeping, irritability, what felt like a constant trembling within my nervous system, and panic attacks. After that first panic attack, I knew how bad this issue had gotten and I was determined not to have another one again. 

I now know that past traumas, feelings of abandonment, rejection, and a lack of identity contributed to increased symptoms of anxiety and fear. Years later after EMDR therapy and growing my relationship with Christ, I learned that it actually started for me as early as the age of 3 years old.

It developed over time through a constant need of me always wanting to be accepted or liked by others. I had thoughts and beliefs about myself that I was never good enough and that I was a failure.

No matter how much I’d accomplished, because my life wasn’t excelling at the rate that I desired it to, I believed something was wrong with me. I would compare myself to others, and participate in things I had no interest in, only to be accepted by others. In doing so, I lost my identity and ability to be my true authentic self.

However, this struggle no longer impacts me, because I’ve been set free. My first time meeting with a school counselor was in the 5^th grade. And no, I was not consistent with therapy between the age of ten up to my thirties. It wasn’t until my 30s that I made the decision to be completely consistent in therapy and really get to the root of the anxiety and fears I was experiencing.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I would feel disconnected, and embarrassed. Earlier I mentioned dissociating as a symptom I experienced with anxiety. Dissociating means that you feel detached/disconnected from your body, environment, or the people around you. I like to call it “checking out”.

Having many moments of “checking out” brought on those feelings of embarrassment, simply because it would happen during important meetings while teaching, or even sometimes in sessions with clients. I would often need to ask others to repeat themselves or act like I heard them and kept moving forward. Although sometimes it wasn’t as easy to hide. 

There were moments when I would weep and feel helpless. I can remember one night my heart rate and body temp increased rapidly while I was resting, I was having a silent panic attack. At that moment I began to cry and had passive suicidal thoughts.

Saying things like “God I wouldn’t be mad if you take me now. God, I’m so tired of feeling this way and dealing with this anxiety. I just want it all to end.” I knew at that moment, I was at my worst, the lowest I had ever experienced.

No one close to me knew the severity of how I was feeling. I wore a mask for many years. Pretending to be happy, when deep down inside I felt shame and helplessness because I couldn’t control these bouts of anxious feelings and fearful moments.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The most defining moment of change for me, was when I attended a women’s conference, and within that conference the Prophet speaking prayed for many of us that had fear of the future.

I remember the next morning waking up to no rapid heartbeat, or trembling from the inside out. It was as if my nervous system had been restored. I thought to myself oh my goodness, I’m free! I felt calm, safe, and free. I knew then, Jesus had met me there and I was set free.

I also believe the change was both a result of my circumstances and my own actions. Prior to attending the conference I had just started a new job, started EMDR therapy, and had begun implementing changes in my daily routine, as well as reframing negative thinking patterns. I believe the conference was just the icing on the cake!

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

There was one thing that my therapist asked me to create and she called it the “perfect cocktail”. This indicated that she wanted me to create a list of things that I could do routinely that made me feel safe, relaxed, and reminded me of my identity. It needed to be something that would be the first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning and the last thing I saw when I went to bed at night.

At that time, the “cocktail” I created was daily body movement, prayer, and aligning my life with my Christian beliefs. I purchased a chalkboard to place on the wall in my bedroom and wrote affirmations from the Bible about my identity in Christ.

I also recorded myself reciting scriptures from the Bible and would play them over and over again until I fell asleep. That was my meditation for the day; meditating on the word of God.

I later started taking vitamins daily and surrounded myself with a community of people in my faith, that could help keep me accountable in shifting my mindset. I knew how important it was for my life to align with the principles of my Christian faith. And to be honest I wasn’t living a life that was completely aligned with my faith.

I was already an advocate for self-care, but it became essential in my life. The ability to be aware of what my body needed and give myself what I needed became my priority. I needed to show up for myself in the same way I was showing up for others. 

I had to replace the negative thoughts I had about myself with my faith and what I believed. The thoughts that I wasn’t really liked or accepted by others, were replaced with Romans 8:15 NKJV – For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father”.

I was loved and accepted by God and I had an identity through Christ. Holding on to this scripture and many others helped to rewire my belief system and thinking patterns.

So if you want to know how to overcome this, here are a few helpful tips. 

• Seek professional help from a therapist or coach: There are many therapists and mental health/life coaches out there who are equipped with helping you navigate through distressing symptoms. You are never too old to seek help when needed.
• Schedule regular wellness visits with your doctor/PCP: It’s important when struggling with any type of mental health symptoms to rule out any medical issues first. Sometimes it may be a physical health issue that is presenting distressing symptoms than mental health. 
• Change negative thought patterns and negative belief systems: Negative thoughts and beliefs can come from a number of things such as things we were taught in our family dynamics, past traumas, or things you may have heard people say to or about you. Modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) are extremely impactful when getting unstuck from negative thought patterns, and creating new belief systems. 
• Daily Exercise: Research has shown how daily body movement significantly reduces symptoms of stress/anxiety/depression.
• Surround yourself with a community of like-minded people for support: This could be within your church or social groups. A safe place with safe people where you can be vulnerable and your true authentic self. 
• And lastly practicing more than enough self-care.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

My immediate family knew that anxiety was a struggle for me, but I don’t think they knew the severity of my symptoms. My mother was the only person I felt comfortable enough to know the depths of the struggle I had with anxiety. I hid it from friends and other family members and within the church due to an immense amount of shame I felt.

I thought to myself how can I, a therapist, whose work is to help navigate others through their fears and anxiety, attempt to help other people through something that I had not conquered yet myself.

But I remembered something someone once said to me which was “You don’t have to have it all together in order to help someone else. You can be in the process of overcoming something and still help someone else.” That was enough for me to keep going. 

Before overcoming fear and anxiety, it was difficult for me to share. But now it doesn’t feel as daunting of a task to do openly, because I’m free and I know that other people’s thoughts or opinions of me do not define my identity.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You can never go wrong with seeking professional help. A therapist or coach that specializes in your specific struggle will be essential to your mental and overall health. 

When we experience trauma, it changes the way we view the world. When you dont have a solid identity, people’s words will have a powerful impact on your life that can cause hurt and trauma.

I think oftentimes we brush off hurtful words someone may have spoken to or about us, and yet we don’t deal with the impact of the emotional wound that their words may have created. Dont brush it off when it hurts, address the pain, heal the wound.

Don’t be afraid of your emotions. Our emotions provide information about what we need. Processing through your emotions can be a game changer in your ability to have a healthy and stable life.

In doing this we allow ourselves to let the process of healing take place, get an understanding of what we need, and make sure that those needs are being met. This, amongst other things, can lead to living a happier life.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Amanda Ferguson Show: This podcast helped me because she does an amazing job of providing practical tips to overcome fear, depression, and anxiety as well as spiritual practices with a touch of femininity to reinforce your identity in Christ. 
• Therapy as a Christian Podcast: This podcast helped me realize the importance of normalizing therapy in the Christian community as well as mental health challenges within the church. This podcast helped me feel seen, heard, and let go of the shame of mental health diagnoses. 
• Boundaries: This book helped me realize how much I lacked healthy boundaries. I had to understand that a lack of boundaries also contributed to increased symptoms of anxiety for me. Learning the importance of implementing boundaries in my life also helped to resolve my struggle with anxiety. 
• The Battlefield of the Mind: This book gives a deep dive into biblical principles and the importance of guarding how you think as a believer in Christ. It helped me to understand how I can take authority over my thoughts and reminded me to think more positively in order to have a better life.
• And lastly, the Bible was my greatest resource for learning about my identity in Christ and realizing how much I was accepted and loved by God.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me on my website or Instagram and TikTok.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How I Overcame Persistent Fears & Anxiety With EMDR Therapy and Closeness to Christ appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Your achievements despite your struggles?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello! I’m Monica from Zimbabwe. As I write this I just finished my oral exam for my final semester studying for my Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting and I thought I did so badly I cried…hahaha we all have those days

I’m single and taking advantage of the season to grow into a phenomenal woman. Though I’ve been crunching numbers, my first loves are public speaking and writing.

My life still comes with its set of challenges yet I wouldn’t change anything because I’m happy and you too can be so keep going.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Back in 2019 just as I had finished orientation as a new student at the university I developed psychosis and was later diagnosed with anxiety disorder. My family had no idea what it was and neither did I. During that time I couldn’t sleep for three days straight and I would sit up all night making study timetables for lectures that hadn’t even started.

Little did I know I was already sick. Being a Christian, I tried to find comfort in the Word but since I had already lost touch with reality I thought I was doomed and a bad child to my family. With all these thoughts my head began to pound and the headache wouldn’t stop. Sensing that something was wrong my mum would monitor me during the night.

When my mum offered me some pain relief pills, I refused because in my mind I thought they were sleeping tablets. I was so scared that she wanted me to sleep because I kept on talking and crying. That’s when she couldn’t take it anymore and called her sister who told her to take me to the hospital.

In the morning, I couldn’t bathe myself so my mum had to bathe a 19-year-old me. In my mind, I thought she would get rid of me because I didn’t want to go to school anymore. I told my siblings that I would be gone forever and they should tell people that they once had an older sister. My siblings began to cry. 

In all this, as I look back, it’s funny how I never thought of taking my life because if I did think of that I would have done that because I was delusional.

We got to the first hospital and the doctor just had one conversation with me and immediately gave my mum a psychiatrist’s card but we couldn’t afford it. I kept on talking to myself and my mum couldn’t shut me up. 

The reason I can remember all this is because it felt like my real self was pushed back and I was seeing all this happen. I had lost my mind and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get hold of myself. Deep down I felt myself desperately asking God to give me a second chance yet this thought was just for a split second. 

Back to the story, beginning to lose hope my mum took me to another clinic. When we got there, the nurses told my mum that my blood pressure was too high. They tested me for malaria and I tested negative.

As soon as I saw my mum get out to take a call from my dad who was already on his way back home, I rushed after her thinking she would leave me behind. I saw her crying on the phone and I didn’t feel any pity all I wanted was not to be left behind.

The nurses told us to go to the general hospital because they had a mental health department. After the doctor examined me, he prescribed medication that I don’t remember at that time and told us to come for review the following day. My aunt arrived at the hospital but I didn’t rush to greet her as I usually did. I ignored her because all I wanted to do was keep my eyes on my mum. 

Later I was to know my mum was just going to the pharmacy but in my mind, I thought she was leaving me. I ran after her and the guards thought I was running away. As I wrestled my way out of their grip this commotion only stopped when the doctor rushed over and shot me with a tranquilizer. When I awoke I was calm but still in my own world. I was taken home because there was only admission for adult

That night was the beginning of a nightmare. My mum had to feed me and watch over me as I slept because at one point I woke up and wanted to jump out of the window to leave the house. I’m glad now that my aunt, and my grandma all were there to help her as my dad was away because of work.

The following morning my Dad arrived and the moment he saw me, tears streamed from his eyes. That was the first and only time I had seen my Dad cry. 

The second review was to set the course for my recovery. If you are following closely you will recall the time that I mentioned we couldn’t afford a specialist psychiatrist and yet it turned out that for the review she was the one seeing me. Later I learned she also worked at this hospital aside from her private practice.

It truly was destiny and I’m still in touch with her even after she relocated to the UK. 

She immediately prescribed medication to reverse the side effects and that was the beginning of a series of therapy sessions for the next two weeks. Though the new medication was helping me get in touch with reality once more I had a difficult time opening up to her. 

Day by day she would talk to me to find out what had mentally strained me. When I was in her office time seemed to stop because it felt like she was in no rush to go anywhere. 

I began to share how my dreams of getting a first-class degree and making life better for my family weighed heavily on my shoulders. I was to start a degree program that my high school teacher told me I could never be able to do and her words were still fresh in my mind and weighing me down.

From being reviewed every day, I went back after two weeks and then a month. I was able to start school two weeks after everyone had started but I was able to catch up and passed my first semester. 

This was just August 2019 and so much more struggles and huddles that could only fit into a book have happened. I have a manuscript too because I want to share my story and inspire people. When the time is right, I know you will read it

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I often try not to think about how much I struggled when it came to friendships. I remember a guy I got along so well with telling me that my emotional struggles were taking a toll on him and that he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. 

He was the kind of friend who would encourage me but when the going got tough he left. So much more friends were like him but my best friend never left. She didn’t treat me any differently but she was sensitive to my depression and anxiety. 

It wasn’t clear to people at school but my family struggled because I once had been strong and bubbly yet all that crumbled. Even though it was tough on everyone close to me it made us draw closer to God and seek hope in Him. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

This story is starting to feel gloomy well not to worry I got so much better that I’m no longer on medication. I’m not back to my old self but I’m a new, burned, and purified fierce fighter. 

When I started recovering, I realized that I had lost myself during that time. Not in a bad way but I had lost my confidence, purpose, and hope. That was when I came across a purpose mentorship program by a Zimbabwean author, entrepreneur, and purpose mentor Ralph Kadurira who has still remained my mentor to this day.

The program was everything I needed to get back on my feet. 

It was the 3 months of rebirth through searching and discovering my purpose under his guidance along with 30 other young people. Though I had been recovering physically and doing well in school for the next 4 months, this was the point I began to recover emotionally. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I think my recovery was in stages and for every stage there were different things that helped me. 

At first, it was the medication that helped me. I was put on fluoxetine and sulpiride which I had to take for the rest of my life however depending on my recovery I could stop the medication even after 2 years but I stopped after 3 years. Later I changed from sulpiride to quetiapine and sometimes took clonazepam when necessary which was according to the doctor’s orders.

Being part of a mentorship program helped me to rediscover my purpose and shake off the feeling that I was worthless and would never amount to anything because of what had happened to me. There is so much stigma centered around people with lived experience which is mostly due to ignorance.

From there, my family is so prayerful that our hope and faith kept us going at times when we didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting better. I’m a strong and confident person but I had lost all that. My parents struggled to see their daughter crumble but they realized that when life brings you to your knees after having done all you can what’s left is to pray. 

Doing things that I loved greatly encouraged me and excited me. In school volunteered to do presentations and would look for opportunities. While volunteering on a marketing team, my supervisor told me I could write really well and then introduced me to a freelance writer. I got the mentorship I needed to start fumbling my way through.

I started writing way back in high school by writing letters of encouragement to my friends and those who needed it. During the covid crisis, I came across an online writers’ mentorship program by a Zimbabwean author and publisher Faith Chipangura. During those 3 months with other 30 young aspiring writers, she taught me how to write my story and wear my scars with pride. 

I saved the best for last… My dad rears rabbits and I realized feeding rabbits and just talking to them made me feel so much better. I think having a pet is a great help too so consider getting a pet!

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Faith Chipangura taught me how to share my story comfortably and never be ashamed of my story. If not for her I wouldn’t be able to share my story. I was afraid of the stigma and my psychiatrist Doctor Ruwizhu talked to me about the benefits and downsides of sharing my story.

I felt comfortable talking to my family about my struggles though at first, I felt like I would burden them my Doc said if I don’t tell my family then who would help me? If I didn’t share it would eat me up.

The time I shared my struggles with colleagues was to encourage them and not to seek comfort or help. The thing is most people don’t know how to help so it was better not to tell them. When I did my internship I only told my supervisor who seemed to understand.

It wasn’t easy openly sharing my struggle but when I felt it would encourage someone I did. 

During covid, I was invited to talk about coping with depression and anxiety that’s when I realized that behind the stigma people are struggling too. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I wish I had known that I could get better and learn to live with anxiety disorder. It would have made me accept myself instead of trying to get back to the person I was before the trauma. 

With my head hanging low I would say I wish someone else had shared their similar story with me to give me hope sooner:(

What were your achievements despite your struggles?

I could have easily let my condition get to me but I didn’t. It wasn’t easy yet I was able to do things that made me feel proud.

Firstly, I was able to do my internship without quitting while working in a big city away from home. I stayed with my aunt but the city was way out of my comfort zone

I started freelance writing in 2020 and currently work as a ghostwriter at The Urban Writers.

Sharing this was no show-off but a way of making you realize that no matter your struggle you can do whatever you dream of. It may take you longer than other people who seem better off but it doesn’t make you any less.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer really helped me take a stand against the negative thoughts which threatened to crush me.

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren was the book that helped me start my journey of rediscovering my worth and finding my purpose.

Waiting and Dating by Myles Munroe helped me manage the changing dynamics of my friendships and deal with rejection by reminding me that I was still a phenomenal woman.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can get to know more about me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post A Purpose Mentorship Helped Me Overcome Anxiety Disorder and Psychosis appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Anything else I should have asked?

Hello! Who are you?

I live in London right now to study neuroscience. I am from another country in Asia and studied physics for a few years there but my mental illness guided me to this career change and I am grateful for that.

I have been estranged from my mother for years, but now I have recovered from the past relationship before the disease. I am single now and became more open to the potential of a relationship recently.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I innately have Autism Spectrum Disorder and had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to sexual assault when I was a freshman at University. After the first traumatic episode, I tried to forget it at all because it was too confusing about why the offender did so and what I should do. I succeeded and could forget it for a year. 

However, a similar episode happened again after a year and PTSD started off. (Yeah, I heard delayed PTSD can be more severe than a normal one.) I was a very docile person who has never resented before PTSD, but it just changed me entirely.

I started to hate all people in the world because I felt betrayed due to no help from passer-bys in the trauma. I got angry whenever I talked with a man and could not control the anger with auditory hallucinations ordering me to fight them. 

I abruptly bursted into anger and insulted my male friends. When they asked me out, my face was distorted with contempt and out of my control. (It is a sort of dissociation, I heard from a psychologist later.) They were embarrassed, but I was embarrassed more. I started to avoid men and the place where I can face many strangers not to get into my uncontrollable anger burst. 

Even when my mother touched my shoulder, I felt it was dirty and got angry for her getting me to remind the trauma. I suffered nightmares about getting raped every night and felt somatized heartache and headache. I also thought the reason why SA happened to me was because I look like a pushover. I started to imitate others to break my SA even if I felt empty indeed. 

However, I did not know it was PTSD at that time. Because I was a Christian without any psychiatric knowledge, I thought I was being punished by God due to a lack of faith like King Saul in the bible because it was the only similar psychotic symptom that I read in the bible. 

Also, I became angry about why God did not protect me. To get forgiveness and healing from God, I attended church more passionately, but the symptoms did not get better, and I got more angry with God. I remember I kept pursuing that strategy for two years after the start of PTSD. 

The Christian friends had no psychiatric knowledge at all because in my country, it was not common to get psychiatric treatment and they thought psychiatric treatment is satanic, so they did not give helpful advice, only scolding me about my bad speech and behavior, suggesting me to forgive the offender as said in bible, which was impossible for me at that time. I noticed an increase in anger whenever I went to church, so I stopped religious activity, then.

When I met a non-christian friend, I heard that she is taking psychiatric medicine due to depression and it improved. It was the first time I got to know about mental illness and I went to a psychiatrist. 

However, the psychiatrist was a man, so I did not talk about SA as I learned that talking about my trauma to a man gets me unpleasant responses through a few trials with my male friends and professors. I got diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. Anyway, the medicine decreased my suicidal ideation, so it was better to live with. I think I kept taking the medicine for two years.

After two years, there was a feminist trend with the #MeToo movement in my country. From the movement, I could hear stories of other survivors of sexual assault PTSD. After searching about it, I got to know it was the PTSD symptoms that I was suffering from since the sexual assault.

However, treatment for PTSD was not that common at that time in my country, so I did not get special therapy for PTSD. I just read and heard their stories over and over, and I started reading a book about PTSD (I will specify this in the book section).

After graduating from university, I wanted to leave the city where I suffered a lot. I thought it would end if I leave this place which is full of triggers. Thus, I went to another city. It was refreshing and I became free of triggers and symptoms for a while.

However, with the appearance of a trigger which was a male colleague’s simple comment, the same as the offender gave me in the trauma, “Shall we go out for some drink?”, it started again…I cried remembering what the offender did to me and how my friends and family did not take care of me in the hardship. I could not suppress tears even at work, so I wept in the toilet. 

Whenever I met men, I could not help but be jealous of them for their superior safety over women. I needed to meet other people who can understand all these weird things. (I will continue this in the turning point section.)

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Before PTSD, I was a bookworm and loved to be alone. Especially I loved every novel. After getting PTSD, I realized that every book include romantic scenes, and I felt somatic pain in my body when I read a conversation between lovers. I could not read any novel anymore.

Even if it does not have the scene, I did not know if it would include it so I could not try it. I had spent my days only reading books before PTSD, so after losing the hobby, I did not know what to do anymore. Also, I became scared of being alone because I had no confidence to handle situations of SA if it occurs again.

Even when I was in my room, I thought some man might penetrate my room, so I became very nervous when I was alone. To avoid being alone, I started to make as many friends as possible. But I could not truly like them. It was weird but I could not trust the people I met after PTSD, but I had no other options, so I met them, suppressing horror and hatred toward them, and before any explosion of emotions, I would block their contact. 

I lost all of my friends I made before PTSD due to a dispute over my talk about it, the average period to keep a friend was about a year. They did not understand my PTSD, and I felt betrayed thinking about poverbs ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. I thought there was no friend indeed among my friends. My personality, hobby, and lifestyle changed, so I felt I did not know who I am anymore. Even my friends and teachers meeting me after PTSD told me that I changed a lot and they liked me before PTSD. I hated hearing that. I myself liked the past either, but there was no option to go back because I was too horrified to keep myself.

I don’t know why but I was always thinking about killing others after PTSD when I was doing nothing. Sometimes, I imagined putting up a fire or a battlefield and shooting others to protect me. Also, I imagined killing the offender recklessly, which cannot come true as I cannot find out the offender due to the removal of his information after the incident. It made me feel triumpant, so I thought it was good for me. Looking back on it now, I think it only strengthened my ‘fight or flight response’, which is core mechanism of PTSD, but worsened my anxiety.

Actually, I talked about the trauma to everyone I met at first. I was always thinking that as an ASD person, I could not care about others being uncomfortable with talking about it. However, there were no friends and family to understand my situation and feelings. As an ASD person, I was gullible when SA happened, so they could not understand why I fell for the offender’s evident lie.

Also, they could not understand why I was holding on to the memory continuously. I felt as if they liked me when I was happy but they abandoned me as I became a burden. I thought it was just the same with the offender who used me for his own merit. It made me despise all of them. 

I thought this intense hatred of ‘people who were intimate before trauma’ was because my trauma is related to a lying person, but I found it is a general symptom of any PTSD. I think it is more related to the defense mechanism of the body. I could not feel any sympathy or trust in people. 

Before PTSD, my mother was the person the closest to me, but when I said about SA experience and PTSD, she did not consoled me. She just wanted me to let it pass and focus on my study. I felt betrayed by her and after getting to know PTSD, I thought if she emotionally supported me, my symptom would not be this serious and long. I thought the PTSD was partly due to her. I started to fight over it. Whenever I could not put up with the anger, I called and sweared her over and over. After the anger goes away in few hours, I regreted and said sorry but when it is triggered, I could not stop doing it again. After a few years of PTSD this quarrel, I broke the relationship with her. I broke up with all my friends due to feeling betrayed. All of these broke my heart. I thought that if it did not happen, I could have lived not knowing they were traitors. I tried many talk therapy, but I could not trust the therapist either and just wanted to end the session.

Also, some of them could not understand my situation at all. Looking back on it, I think after talking about the trauma, the person I talked about it with also became a trigger of PTSD, and it made me uncomfortable to be with them too.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Right after knowing that my illness is PTSD, I started to read a book about PTSD as my past hobby was reading a book. I read many books about PTSD, and some of their anecdotes triggered my trauma, but they let me know I am not alone to suffer these symptoms.

Also, I tried applying the exercises in the workbook, such as setting boundaries for my body and pain exposure. I tried to see romance and erotic movies to get over somatization when seeing skinship. As the book said, I started with a very mild one and go into a full erotic one.

Although it made me keep sober seeing that kind of movie or novel, I still avoid romantic videos and novels if I can. It is unpleasant even after overcoming it. Also, it gave me confidence that I can overcome my hardship by my effort, which I have never experienced even before PTSD.

I tried participating in group counseling with other survivors of sexual assault which I could not try easily because I could not trust strangers easily after the trauma and thought it would break my heart again because even friends and family gave second attack about the trauma. But I felt it was almost mysterious.

I felt as if I am hearing my story from others’ mouths. No friend or family understood my symptoms before then, so it was a very touching moment. I feel like I was a normal human, not a psycho or monster, for the first time after PTSD. It gave me a sense of reality back. Seeing people who are overcoming similar experiences, I could get the confidence to overcome it.

Nevertheless, due to Covid, I could not have a steady meeting with them, I kept contact with them through mobile chatting. I got information that there is a special therapy for PTSD from one of the survivors, so I went to the counselor she recommended me.

I started Pain Exposure therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy with a specialist in PTSD. At first, I was so scared to start talk therapy because I had the memory of failed therapy with a non-specialist in PTSD, but the survivor said it improved her a lot, so I started this. First, PE therapy treated the trauma intensively. Before PE, I thought the trauma became my everything and I cannot help but burst into tears when I say about the episode.

After PE, the trauma became normal memory and I can remember it without getting upset. I think DBT was not that effective for me. I had difficulty getting group counseling with strangers and could not focus on meditation due to intrusive thoughts. After all, the therapy for PTSD redirected me to focus on my goal, not my past and trauma. I could start anew thanks to the therapy.

After getting therapy, I could dream of life after PTSD, but I could not trust anyone yet and had chronic anxiety. I gave up any relationship with others because nobody would entirely understand my PTSD, which was the critical reason of the most of my present traits and decided to live only for my accomplishment without trust toward others to protect me from any harm.

By chance, I found a church that is more accepting of mental illness. I got to know that God was protecting me to let me escape from the offender. It gave me a peaceful mind for the first time after SA. 

Later, I read that spiritual recovery, which means going back to a worldview that I felt safe with before PTSD, is crucial in perfect recovery from PTSD. I could forgive my family and friends who did not console me in my struggle, and I could forgive the offender in the end.

It seems impossible but to protect others from his SA, he should become a better person, so I could pray for him. My fear and hatred toward others disappeared now. I feel I became the person I was before PTSD or better than before.  

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I think there is a sequence of steps to get recovery from PTSD, as many PTSD books explain. We should accept, soothe the trauma, and get back into life, which cannot be done before doing the previous step.

1. Meeting others in your shoes

In my case, it helped me recover a sense of reality hearing my struggle from others’ voices. Also, seeing others overcoming it stopped me from thinking that it is unsurmountable trouble. In addition, other survivors gave me useful tips and information like good counselors for PTSD.

2. Giving up going back to the state before PTSD

PTSD patients get changed to survive panic and trauma in every aspect of their identity. Missing my past self made me more frustrated and suicidal. Happiness does not have one way. Knowing that I could be happy in other forms and personalities either gave me more relief.

3. Starting therapy for PTSD with a counselor specialized in PTSD

If you don’t have money, try exercises in workbooks for PTSD, but I think meeting a counselor specialized in PTSD therapy is crucial for the success of therapy. I could dream of my life after PTSD because it made my trauma normal memory. It is not my core memory or my everything anymore. I could dream of my life after PTSD again.

4. If you had a religion and took it apart after PTSD, restart religious work

I think it made me feel safe as I felt before PTSD. Chronic anxiety and response to triggers disappeared after this. I also could stop hatred toward others which was strategy to protect myself. I avoided Christians due to the scar they gave to me, but going back to church was essential for my full recovery.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I talked about my SA and PTSD to everyone whenever I could when I was struggling badly. However, sharing it with men gave me bad memory that they cannot understand why it is a bad thing at all, so I did not share it with men. I don’t think it gave me useful tips or a heart-warming console when I shared it with people who do not have PTSD or knowledge of PTSD. 

After recovery, I try to avoid mentioning it unless someone is struggling with the same experience because I now know it only makes them embarrassed and uncomfortable. Especially, in the workplace, I don’t want them to evaluate me for my mental illness and be too ashamed to reveal my weakness.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

The fact that the offender deemed you as a toy does not mean you are a toy. When your symptoms are very bad, you are likely to misunderstand others’ intention and be unable to control your emotions, so I think it is good to take a rest from social interaction for a while. 

Don’t indulge in fake victory in your imagination. You didn’t need to win the offender at the incident, but you just need to escape from it. If you succeeded in taking your life from the incident, you did well. Don’t hate yourself for the trauma.

The path to happiness is not a single one. There are many ways to be happy so the impossibility to turn back time before trauma does not mean you can never be happy. You can be happy again. You can trust others again. Don’t lose your hope to survive. Someday, you will be thankful for your past self who did not give up your life.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Body Remembers by Babett Rothchild: It gives an explanation of PTSD from a biological viewpoint. I could understand my body’s response to triggers. Also, I could practice pain exposure exercises from the book, and it helped me overcome my phobia of men.
• Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman: It describes what is PTSD descriptively and gives how recovery can be done gradually. It was a very accurate book, looking back on my ten years of PTSD recovery.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

It’s good to know what I have learned from my mental illnesses.

I think I learned many things from struggling with mental illness. I could be matured with this in a way I could not expect before PTSD. Before PTSD, I dreamed to be a hikikomori just reading books in my room without any social interaction. I was uncomfortable being with others even though I did not hate them (closer to scared to talk with them). Right after the start of PTSD, fear about SA made me courageous in all other things. 

I could talk and make a friend with others without hesitation. Also, I could have experienced overcoming my limitation in my effort to recover from PTSD. It gave me confidence that I can do something beyond my current ability.

In addition, by sharing our struggle with other SA PTSD survivors, I felt a bond and gratitude for others I have never felt before because I haven’t been understood PTSD at all for 7 years, feeling like a monster. I want to help other survivors. I am now dreaming to help other mentally-ill patients and SA PTSD survivors with neuroscience research. Now I don’t want to go back to the time before PTSD.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My 10-Year Journey of Overcoming PTSD and Hatred After Sexual Assault appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hey there, I’m Zain and live in a typical Asian joint-family setting in Pakistan. I think it helps to mention that I am the middle child in my family with two siblings. Not the first, not the favorite….surely that affects mental health, right?

That aside, I majored in electrical engineering but changed career paths a year ago from engineering to blogging, working remotely and I have never been happier! This was such a big life decision that wasn’t possible without the growth I have had regarding my mental health challenges and I hope that someone can benefit from reading this.

I’m single and will remain so for a few more years until I have built myself more. As for pets, our family has a white Persian cat that’s lovable but doesn’t give a crap about me.  

Oh well, that’s just cats. For my passion, I love psychology and talking about the cause of things rather than the things themselves. I owe a lot of self-healing and growth to my interest in psychology which lead me to self-realization — to know who I really am.

I consider myself the happiest I have been and I’m very thankful to my body for bearing it all with me, my parents (despite their strictness at times) and God, who gives hope when all’s not well.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have experienced social anxiety and trouble talking since childhood, even going to a simple family gathering would become a daunting task. Eventually, I got tagged as the shy, quiet person in the family when I just didn’t like being around people. 

I believe I developed social anxiety due to my parents pampering me too much. I got very little exposure to the outside world at all aside from school which created differences between me and the other kids. And we all know, when you can’t blend into the crowd, you tend to get picked on.

As a kid, I was naturally observant and realized some part of this phenomenon early on from a documentary regarding chicks. 

Back then in 2008, times were quite simple for me as a 10yr old. We had no smartphone to play with, a dead-ass dial-up internet connection that took hours to load a flash game, and I shared TV time slots with 2 siblings…

In the end, I had just toys and my imagination to play with. Back then, raising and taking care of these cute little chicks was a popular activity among kids (where chicks would get donated when they grow up).

Although this activity is dead now since there are smartphones and other means to spend time on, a random documentary on TV regarding chicks was interesting to watch at the time.

It mentioned some tough realities including the fate of baby chicks with defects. They get pecked on by other baby chicks and…eaten. Why? Because they are different. 

Thankfully, we don’t get subjected to that. But society’s expectations of us and ignorance regarding mental health struggles feels nothing less than that. The physical pain eventually goes away, but the mental pain can linger on and haunt you for years to come…

The truth is, that society isn’t designed to accommodate people like us, the sooner we realize it, the better. It’s us who need to find a place of comfort in it.

As I mentioned, I have a knack for talking about the cause rather than the things alone:

As a kid, I was silent, observant, and extremely naive. I heavily relied on people’s validations and absorbed their likes/dislikes to make sure people liked me. I rarely talked if at all, except with my little sister, parents, teachers, and a few schoolmates. I always wanted to play with my classmates but never asked them if I can join, for fear of rejection. I felt I wasn’t good enough. 

But why did I grow up like that? Was this social anxiety genetic, maybe?

My parents are both talkative, mom a bit too much that she wouldn’t leave the phone. Same can be said for my grandparents, so instead of genes, I feel the cause was the environment and how I grew up. My dad spent most of the time on his business while my mom raised me as a “too good for this world”, rule-abiding boy which unfortunately made me an easy target for bullying at school.

I was strongly taught about morality. “Do good things, don’t do bad things” with a mix of religion in it. Lying is bad. Hurting others is bad. Violence is bad and so on. While these are good things to be taught about, not everyone in my class cared about them. In short, I was nurtured for the wrong world and didn’t learn the realities without suffering.

At times, I was punished at school for simply speaking the truth about homework or was bullied by classmates because of my naivety and passiveness regarding fighting back (because violence is bad…)

To give you an example of my naiveness, I used to take everything at face value because “lying is bad” so why would anyone lie, right? That was until I asked my cousin about some exorbitant claim he had made and he said was it was “just a lie” without any remorse.

I told him that lying is bad in general and in religion to which he told me he was joking and a joke isn’t a lie…

That should tell you enough of my naivety back then. I’m actually amazed by how clever and smart kids of this era are. This is a low bar but they definitely know much more than what I knew back then in their age.

Although I must say, the bullying at school wasn’t excessive (compared to the Western standards) but just annoying, making fun of me, calling my name wrongly, etc. Still, considering my naivety, you can probably imagine that even this was too much for me at the time.

And it didn’t just happen at school but from my aunts, extended relatives too, and partly from my mom too.

But the reason why my family picked up on me might be shocking to you: It was my brown skin color which is extremely common here…

For some context, the Indian subcontinent (Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, etc.) was freed from the British around 75 years ago, at least physically, but we are still slaves to the colonial mindset (and tea). 

One example of this is colorism — discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group. This is also one of the main reason why skin care products for fairer skin are so popular here, these brands portray darker skin as inferior, and unsatisfactory in their advertisements which makes colorism only worse.

In the end, I would say going through such experiences, plus the belittlement from classmates and some relatives, was the cause of my social anxiety. I don’t resent anyone and have simply moved on, but as I said at the start, it’s important to know about the root of the issue before healing.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I’ve always tried to stay away from the spotlight in social gatherings but when the guns point, it felt nothing less than suffocating, awkward, and made me feel “I just wanna go home”…

I think I felt the worst at my uncle’s marriage at age 12 when hundreds of people visited and I broke down and hid beneath a bed to stay away from people.

Everyone got really worried about my disappearance and started searching. I wanted to say “I’m here” but the thought of how I would confront people just lead me to stay hidden. When I was eventually found, I tried the “I was playing hide and seek” excuse but it didn’t work out. 

I got slapped by my mom followed by a hug and tears for making her worry… Oh well, the slap didn’t hurt, but the anxiety from people around me sure did.

Everyone just categorized me as a shy person rather than a socially anxious one. There was and still is little to no awareness regarding mental health challenges here in South Asia, so I can’t really blame anyone for not picking it up. 

And to be fair, I would always do my best to act “normal”. Until someone interacted with me, they wouldn’t be able to tell that I’m awkward to talk with and not comfortable around people. I would try to stay away from gatherings as much as possible, either find a chore to do or simply look busy so people don’t approach me.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

My school grades were good, but I wasn’t happy with my social anxiety and mental health overall. I always thought that I could do so much more if I could escape this old cycle, at least in school. My wish came true and I finally got the fresh start I needed at the age of 14. 

I had just passed middle school (grade 6-8) and entered a new school with new classmates and no links to my previous bullies. I introduced myself formally to the person sitting beside me on our first day and he went on to become my best friend at the time. I’m thankful to him and for my fate that I met a good person on my first day.

My parents also enrolled me in a separate tuition class which was also a new environment with a different style of teaching compared to school. I would sit in the front seat, and ask questions to teachers freely which started giving me confidence in myself. From here on, I never looked back and gradually improved my communication and got used to people overall. 

At age 16, I entered intermediate (grade 11-12) and received special attention from my English teacher who talked with me about my potential and encouraged me positively. Because of him, I even started speeches (hah, to think a person with social anxiety would do this). During the speeches, I would simply look at people’s heads and slowly started to not care about negativity overall.

If you read above you’re probably thinking I was doing well. But I think this was just me developing a persona that can act like an extrovert to get validation from society. I created an ego that wasn’t me but simply an existence to protect me from the painful memories of the past.

If there was a moment I truly started turning things around, it would be in my university’s 2nd year of engineering at the age of 20. The major turned out to be much harder than I expected and despite challenges in my childhood, I had never once failed an exam. 

Engineering fixed that for me in my 2nd year. For someone who was alien to academic failure, this hit me hard…really hard. I was so disappointed in myself and even had suicidal thoughts for a while. I can still remember the phone call I made to my mom.

Although lying is normal these days in this world, I don’t like it. Unless my truth hurts someone, I would rather not lie. I was and am quite frank with my mom and felt the need to tell her.

My heart was beating hard, I was anxious and unable to talk clearly. Still, I took a deep breath. “I can do this”

I picked up the phone and dialed her number. A few seconds later, the line connects. She probably heard my most defeated voice ever: “Mom?”

This wasn’t my normal voice so she caught on and worryingly asked “Are you okay? What happened? ”

“I can’t do this… I failed my semester”, prompted with tears and difficulty talking the rest of the tale. 

She tried her best to console me but this failure broke the fake ego of a person that had never failed before like this, eventually leading me to a journey of self-realization where I had to discover who I really am.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

You have surely gotten hurt and bandaged before right? Do you remember how we clean the wound before we apply the bandage? The disinfection of wounds comes with pain but it’s a necessary step.

The same principle applies here, healing just doesn’t come without suffering. When I failed for the first time academically, it hurt. I cried… a lot. And was down for a while until I felt I needed to know myself better.

I started meditating and thinking about who I am. What’s my purpose? What am I doing with my life?

While trying to find answers, pain followed as if the deep wounds inside me just opened. I cried after realizing the things I have been through. There’s pain in confronting these wounds and that’s why we tend to stay away from them but if you bear with it, this process will help you realize the real you, like it helped me find the real me.

I also benefited from my faith in God and felt being picked up from the sea of negativity and despair when I was at my lowest low. I came to learn that hopelessness is literally a sin in my religion as it means you feel God isn’t all-merciful and turns away from people. 

I improved a lot during this time (2020-2023) and started being me. 

• Beating the inferiority complex, I started to love myself, and my body and take better care of it.
• I started to say no rather than going with the flow or succumbing to peer pressure. 
• I started constructing boundaries with my friends and family about what I’m comfortable with and what not. 
• I told my parents about what I had gone through in childhood to take the burden off my heart.

And finally, I never stopped the process of knowing myself . I feel it won’t stop until I am no more, we grow and learn new things which get absorbed into sub-consciousness, and unearthing them is fun and exciting!

The process of knowing and respecting myself also helped me with my social anxiety. This coupled with my interest in psychology made me realize that people judge and it’s natural to do so. 

But, the point is, why should their judgments and opinions matter to me? Why am I trying to change myself to appease people that I’m probably never gonna meet again? Why am I not being me and happy?

While trying to find answers to these questions, I eventually developed a different mindset of “I don’t give a f*** about what others think of me, I’ll be me”.

With this approach, I have managed to change my social anxiety into “social preference”, meaning that I can now comfortably engage in social settings but I still dislike gatherings. 

I have come to accept my likes, dislikes, and my nature overall, but this doesn’t mean I have stopped growing. I am always trying to learn more about myself and grow from critical feedback. If you try to take the “I don’t give a crap” approach, that’s fine but be sure to make room for critical dissenting opinions and feedback, otherwise this wouldn’t be healthy.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I have talked about some parts of my struggles with both of my parents and despite them not really understanding much of it initially, I have convinced them that mental health challenges exist and yadaa yadaa. This happened only recently in 2022-23.

Other than this, I haven’t mentioned this to anyone else and have been overcoming my mental health struggles with just me along with my faith in God.

Mental health struggles are simply not understood enough in South Asia to even consider being talked about, you’ll only make it worse if you reveal your struggles to an unempathetic arse. Therapy is also pretty much non-existent here as it’s not very accessible and seen as a waste of money.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Whenever you’re feeling anxious, ask yourself this:

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

Oftentimes the worst outcome is first of all not likely and secondly, not that bad that the world would flip over. So hey, you’ll do fine. 

When you’re alone, do you know who’s with you? It’s you, your “self”. Get to know that person and I promise, you’re all set for a journey of healing and eventually, happiness.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I wish I could suggest something but I neither looked nor found any help in any books, youtube videos, etc. That isn’t to say that I don’t believe they can work, these types of resources just weren’t for me. Still, I was always open to new perspectives and such resources can definitely help you open up your mind.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Well, I’m currently trying to create a blog regarding psychology and similar stuff from the perspective of a psychology enthusiast. It’s not really up to mark yet but I plan to slowly build it up!

That’s it from my side, if you have any questions or simply want to contact me, feel free to reach out via my email or my blog’s contact form. Thanks, until next time!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Self-Realization Helped Me Overcome Social Anxiety and My Past Traumas appeared first on Tracking Happiness.