Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello, I’m Jonathan, and I live in Rochester, NY. I’ve lived in the Rochester area my entire life. 

I work as a consultant for Non-Profit organizations. I’ve been in IT for most of my adult life. I turned to consulting when I realized I could help more than just one organization at a time and share my knowledge to help them meet their goals. 

I’ve been married for 14 years, we have 2 children together. 2 dogs, and 1 cat. My wife and I met when we were both 21, we fell in love almost immediately and have been each other’s best friend since. 

I’ve had many passions over the course of my adult life, currently I love playing Ultimate Frisbee and working on my classic Mustang. 

I do consider myself to be happy. I’ve always had a positive outlook on life, I would definitely say I’m an optimist. I always look at the silver linings in things. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 4th grade. The book on me was that I was a smart kid, but couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and was constantly being disruptive.

I struggle with impulsivity, poor memory, and hyper-focusing. I’m sure there are a few other symptoms, but those are the ones that affect me day to day. 

Shortly after being diagnosed, I began medication which definitely helped with school-related matters. At the time ADHD came with a bit of stigma, nobody really knew about it and everyone wanted to know why I had to go to the nurse every day to take medication.

I began to really hate taking medication, and by the time I reached 7th grade I had matured a lot, and my outward hyperactivity had subsided quite a bit.

My parents believed that I had “Outgrown” my ADHD and asked me if I still wanted to take my medication. Obviously, I said “No”.. and for the rest of high school, I went unmedicated. 

Unfortunately, my grades suffered and throughout high school, I struggled. I failed my French class in 8th grade and had to stay back the next year. I failed math 3 different times and had to go to summer school each time.

Because I always struggled with school, I was academically ineligible to do any type of sports or extracurriculars. The only sport I could do was football, and because it was in the fall, I could participate before the first marking period was over and my grades prevented me. 

I barely graduated, I needed to pass French in order to do so. I got 67 on the final to graduate with a Regents diploma. 

I had no plans for after high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or be. My parents pushed for me to attend the local community college where I could figure out a career.

I thought I wanted to be on TV or Radio, so I majored in communications. I joined the campus radio station where I made lifelong friendships. Through those friendships, I met my wife and started a career in Radio. 

After dating my wife for 6 months, we got pregnant. I was barely 21, and now I was staring down the barrel of fatherhood. I managed to secure a full-time albeit very low-paying job at the local radio station.

I had interned there initially and had made a good enough impression to get a morning show position that allowed me to make enough money to pay rent. 

6 months after my son was born, my morning show position was phased out and I was laid off. 

Here I was, 22 years old, unemployed, with a 6-month-old baby boy. I remember sitting in the bathroom of my apartment just crying. How was I going to take care of my wife and baby? I didn’t have any schooling or experience. 

ADHD contributed to some of these experiences. It’s like the devil on your shoulder telling you to do something when you are not sure. Impulsivity and poor memory made it almost impossible to finish school, and when I met my friends at the radio station, I became hyper-focused about that and only that. That’s what my career was going to be, that’s all that mattered. When that all came crashing down, I needed to reassess and really think about what it was I wanted to do. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

ADHD has been like an anchor for most of my life. Every day I have to fight. It’s also really hard for others to feel any type of sympathy. For the longest time, my wife couldn’t understand how I could forget things so easily.

It wasn’t until my son was also diagnosed with ADHD and she talked to his doctors that she really grasped how much of our day-to-day life is affected by ADHD. 

ADHD doesn’t display itself as a physical disability. Most people with ADHD appear and function as typical adults in most settings. I was very concerned about the social stigma left over from high school, so I never spoke of it and generally ignored it. 

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

After getting laid off, I changed careers to IT and have been working different entry-level service-related desktop/help desk positions. The work was steady but paid barely enough. I was bored all the time.

The work was slow enough that my ADHD didn’t really get in the way. I wanted to get a better job, and there were opportunities. But I believed I wouldn’t be capable with my skills. 

I finally came to grips that if I ever wanted to succeed, I would need to acknowledge my ADHD and get help. This was around the same time my son was diagnosed, and we started treating him. I talked to my doctor and started taking medication again.

After a few weeks, I noticed a difference. I was finishing tasks, I was proactive and productive. I felt good about being able to complete something without waiting till the last minute. 

I remember talking to a coworker about college, and he recommended an online school that allowed me to work at my own pace. I could go as fast or as slow as I wanted. I realized that I would only ever get where I wanted to go if I finished school. 

After talking with my wife, I decided to go for it and I enrolled. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

After acknowledging my ADHD I started developing strategies that allowed me to cope and work around and with it. I learned that my channel-changing brain was a caged animal: If I tried to ignore it, it would get angry and break out of its cage. But, if I fed it once in a while, it would be easier to control.

If I need to complete a task by noon and it’s 9 am. I would get that task done as soon as possible. Even if the task is only a 20-minute task, I start it. I know that at some point through that task, my caged animal brain is going to want to be fed, so I feed it.

I’ll get to a good point in my task and allow myself to browse the internet or zone out. Then I come back to that task and finish it. By being proactive in feeding my animal, I can control it in a way. 

The hardest part of that is starting the task. There isn’t a trick for this, only that promise of completing that task. Which is a drug for me. I learned that I love completing tasks.

The feeling of finishing something that was hard and difficult gives me great joy. Eventually, it gets easier and easier the more you do it. 

Another strategy I learned was how to work around my poor memory. ADHD doesn’t actually hurt your memory, it’s just that your brain is changing channels so much that you don’t have a chance to commit what you want to do to your short-term memory.

I use the channel-changing metaphor because that’s the best way to explain it. Imagine quickly switching between 10 different channels. Spend a half-second on each channel.

Now, once you are at channel 10 stop and try to remember what you saw on channel 2. There’s a good chance you won’t remember or have a very vague idea of what it was. 

So what I learned was that, If I need to remember what is on channel 2 at 8:30 every day. I would always go to channel 2 first. Always do the same thing. My morning routine is always the same. I get up > shower> get dressed > take pills > make coffee > feed the dogs. 

It gets much more granular than that, but the idea is, the more you do something the more it becomes a habit and committed to routines. There will be less reliance on memory. I know on days when that routine or habit gets disrupted, all my old issues come flooding back.

This happens a lot when I go on vacation or travel for work. I can’t tell you how many times I forgot to take my medication when I was traveling for work. 

And lastly, I’m no longer ashamed of ADHD. I own it, it’s part of me, and what makes me who I am. I’ve learned that my impulsivity allows me to have a quick wit.

I have a great sense of humor so this can benefit quite a bit. I’m honest with co-workers I trust, I tell them that I’ve struggled with ADHD my entire life.

Multiple times, I’ve had co-workers tell me they’ve also struggled with ADHD and we both commiserate and share tactics we’ve both learned. I’ve also talked with employers about accommodations for my ADHD. 

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Obviously, my wife and family members know, but it’s hard to share my ADHD with people I don’t trust. The stigma is nowhere near what it used to be, but it’s still there in varying degrees. 

When I make close work relationships, I like to open up about my ADHD so they have some understanding of what it is I’m dealing with. That can make working together a little easier. 

It’s definitely not something I share openly. Only when it can come into play. My social friends don’t need to know, because they are not depending on me to do their job. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

It’s ok, everyone has their own stuff to deal with. The sooner you accept it the better off you will be and can start making a plan. There isn’t a cure, but you can live a successful life with ADHD. ADHD can be a superpower in some areas. Being able to hyper-focus on something is very useful if applied correctly.

Don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor about medication options. 

There are tons of resources available for ADHD than there used to be. I grew up in a time when there were only 2 drug options and no extended-release. Now there are dozens of different drugs, and some non-stimulant options as well. 

Figure out what about ADHD holds you back. Is it the memory? Are you bad with money? Start putting guidelines around that issue. I used to overdraw my checking account at least once a month.

It got to the point where I decided I wasn’t going to use a debit card anymore because I couldn’t remember what I purchased. This was an extreme guardrail, but it was necessary for me to start learning and developing a strategy.

Now, I use a credit card for all of my bills. I have a very low limit on it, and I pay for everything using it. Then once I get paid, I only pay my credit card and don’t have to worry about overdrawing my account. (some banks no longer have fees, so that’s an option too) 

The point is to start breaking down each issue by its root cause, and focus on what you can do extreme or not, to control that root cause. Your ally is going to be repetition and success. Focus on little wins, and snowball it. 

If you are always late for work, ask yourself what is causing me to be late? Are you waking up too late? Are you doing too much in the morning before getting ready?

Break it down to the things you need to do to get ready. If you only shower and get dressed, and you’re still late, maybe you need to get up earlier. If it’s not that straightforward, it might be beneficial to talk to your boss and confide in them about your struggles and come up with a plan.

Employers are much more likely to work with you if you acknowledge the issue. Either way, develop a strategy and keep refining it. Start somewhere. 

One last piece of advice is don’t ignore exercise. Without going into the obvious benefits of exercise, I’ve learned that it helps settle the caged animal. Every night I take both of my dogs for a walk around the block.

During that time, I listen to a podcast and forget about everything. It’s a good way to recharge and decompress after work. I also try to get to the gym before work a few times a week.

I know this is a tough one, but the days I go to the gym before work I’m a lot more productive than the days I don’t. Sports are a great way to get in exercise without it feeling like “Work” 

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

Ha, I find this funny, because reading is probably the hardest thing for me to do with ADHD. I can’t concentrate long enough to follow along. I do listen to tons of podcasts, either about sports, or my hobbies. I love audiobooks because I can let my imagination do the work. 

Definitely check out /r/ADHD. It’s a great resource to learn and share about your experience. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge and comfort knowing that it’s not just me with struggles. It also gives me a great perspective that some folks are having a harder time than me. 

Also, the “rules for life” post on Reddit was a real help for me as well. It’s not necessarily geared for folks with ADHD, but it applies. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can reach out to me on LinkedIn!

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

I don’t claim to be an expert, I don’t have a psychology degree. But I do know that it’s possible to be happy with ADHD. Granted, everyone’s experience with ADHD is going to be unique.

I recognize that their life experience may be totally different than mine. But I know if somebody had guided me and given me some tips when I was in 7th grade, I would have avoided a lot of struggles. 

I’ve learned being a parent with ADHD and having a child with ADHD, that I inherently learned to do things without actively trying. When my son would struggle with similar things that I struggled with, I would put my present self in that situation, and I would immediately turn to the strategies that I’ve developed over the course of my life.

14-year-old me, didn’t have the experience and struggles yet, but 40-year-old me did. That’s when I realized that for me there were a few base tenants that contribute to being happy and living with ADHD. 

• Strategies to overcome the daily struggles; E.g. Routines, Feed the Caged Animal. 
• Acknowledgement that you learn differently and may need help; E.g. talk to Dr, medication, confide in trusted co-workers/friends
• Confidence in yourself to do the job. Just because you don’t learn in a straight line, doesn’t mean you can’t. That can give you the opportunity to think outside the box or bring creativity into the equation. 
• Be open and ever-evolving. What worked today, may not work tomorrow. 

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Confronting The Stigma around My ADHD and Embracing It to Reinvent Myself appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi there! My name is Kage Burton. I am a welder in Utah and I build conveyor systems for companies around the world. I have been welding for 7 years now and I’d like to say I am getting pretty good at it!

I am also a ski instructor during the winters. There is nothing I love more than watching people when they finally start to understand skiing. It’s like watching someone discover what fun is. It’s really a neat experience.

While I do live in Utah now, Wyoming will always be home as that is where I spent the first 20 years of my life. I have a lot of fond memories growing up in Wyoming.

Wyoming has the smallest population out of any state in the United States, so when you’re a kid growing up in Wyoming, you kinda have to make the fun.

This took many shapes whether it be building four-wheelers with my K’nex, planning your next fort to build with your friends, or even sweeping all of the hay up in the top of the barn so you can open up a restaurant. (Yes me and my cousins did this and no we never opened the restaurant, we were like 8.) 

I am very fortunate to have a loving family that I grew up around. My family is very religious yet, I am not. I realized this when I graduated high school and quit going to church.

Being very worried about how this would affect my relationship with my father and the rest of my family, I can now say that I am extremely grateful for them. They have all accepted my life choices and let me be who I want to be, judgment-free. I will forever love them.

I moved to Utah in 2019 at the end of the year to pursue my career in welding. As you all know, 2020 is when COVID-19 hit and many people’s lives were affected. I was extremely lucky in the way things played out.

When I showed up to Utah I had 6 grand in savings and I managed to blow that in 2 months! But, in March, the school I was going to was forced to move all their classes online.

The story is actually pretty funny. I remember my late 70’s welding instructor telling the class, “All these colleges are going to online classes and they expect us to, but you can’t teach welding online!”

And then about a week later we were told that our course had been moved online. But, this was fortunate for me. I ended up taking a leave of absence in order to find a job and rebuild my savings.

Up to this point, I had never been out on my own so going out and living on my own was a very daunting task and I was quite frankly frightened. My town didn’t even have stoplights. The closest one to where I lived was half an hour north so I never went through that thing.

I don’t even think I had driven through a stoplight at this point. So moving to a town with stoplights at every intersection, that was a city to me, and I was terrified.

But now I’ve been living in Utah for three years. I have had so many wonderful and terrible experiences that have happened since. I’ve made friends and lost friends. Some of which have been with me from the start. I’ve learned to accept it though.

I live with my aunt and uncle right now where rent is so high. It’s a good place for me. It’s helped me to get out of my cocoon of sadness, cheered me up, and gave me the space to find the help that I need. So yeah, I am at one of the happiest points in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Well, I only really started taking my mental health seriously back in March. However, now looking back I can see that I have struggled with Anxiety and Depression my whole life.

As of one week ago, I can now add ADHD to the list of things I have always struggled with. Getting this ADHD diagnosis really adds depth to it all that I never could have seen. The lonely nights, the terrible performance, and the general lack of motivation.

As I said, I have been experiencing these things for as long as I can remember. When it comes to depression, I got very depressed when my first best friend replaced me with other more popular kids. This tore my poor little soul apart.

I remember crying many times, missing my dear friend and all the wonderful memories we had. Wanting so badly to be like the other kids so he would take me back. But he never did and I honestly can’t stand him anymore for what he did to me.

When I got into 5th grade, my teacher was not very nice to me due to me struggling with ADHD. This was extremely depressing and anxiety-inducing. I still don’t know how to longhand double digit divide because of this teacher. I genuinely did not understand the way she was teaching the concept.

But, after two or three attempts to ask for help, my teacher would yell at me and then send me into the hall crying. This destroyed my social reputation and self-esteem.

So the next year, in sixth grade, I was bullied relentlessly fueling the depression and anxiety I had already been experiencing. I wouldn’t participate with the class in games preferring to sit to the side and avoid all social interactions. Because I knew if I participated, I would just be subjecting myself to the put-downs of the popular girls.

Going into middle school, we see sadness arise from almost losing yet another best friend to the popular kids. This led me down the same road as before. Crying, fearing that my friend may move on and forget me and the relationship I had. So once again I tried to shift crowds with him.

This was almost my downfall. I started hanging out with a kid that happened to be a VERY BAD influence. Luckily this kid moved away after middle school and no longer played a part in my life after that. To give you an idea, this kid tried to rob a gun store after he moved. So yeah, glad I dodged that bullet.

Now I feel at this point, I should address ADHD and the effect it had upon me up to this point. In elementary school, my mother was always confused because I would read a book and then never test it. My reading grade was terrible because of this. She would take me in to take the test after school and I would score 100%. 

This eventually led to me losing my beloved dog in fifth grade. My dad says he told me if I didn’t get my reading grade up, he would get rid of Gage. I didn’t remember this probably due to ADHD and one day I came home after a long, depressing, anxiety-ridden day expecting to see my dog.

He was nowhere to be found. I asked my dad where he was and he just told me,” A snowmobiler from Montana came and picked him up.” I never got to say goodbye. Over the years we have had many dogs but Gage was my dog and I loved him.

I spent the rest of the night crying in my room missing my best friend. This wasn’t the only night that this had happened. In fact, I’ve been crying writing this because I still miss my friend.

ADHD continued to rule my life well into middle school and onwards. While teachers could keep my attention in class, the homework was about as boring as can be and it never got done. Thus, grades tanked and led to much disappointment.

A lot of teachers would see how smart I was when they were teaching something that I liked but they couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t do the work. This is about the time when every teacher began feeding me the depressing mantra,” You would do so much better if you would just apply yourself.”

I heard this from almost every teacher from this point till the end of my schooling career. I didn’t even know what that meant and it hurt. Because when you don’t know you have ADHD, this becomes an attack on one’s personal character.

So this became me. Someone who didn’t apply themselves. Someone who was lazy. And not someone who couldn’t do the hard work but someone who just wouldn’t. As if I had a choice in all the procrastinating and forgetting. When you have ADHD you don’t choose these things. They just happen.

I didn’t want to be 32 assignments behind in math. I didn’t want to barely graduate with a 2.1 GPA. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to my parents and teachers. It all just happened and there was no way for me to control any of it. But after so long you believe it all was your fault.

Eventually, I did graduate, launching me into the many struggles of holding a steady job. My first job I actually thrived at. This was working at a little retail store in town. Every day presented something new to deal with. The ADHD mind loves this.

Always something new to keep the mind entertained. From making shopping cart trains with the electric cart, to watching people get arrested for shoplifting. Every day was an adventure and I loved it.

A year later that place closed down and I found a job at the local Radioshack. Yes, you read that right. 2019, in a small town, run by a nearly 80-year-old man, Radioshack. It was as boring as it sounds and the only entertainment I got at that job was the 70-year-old man who worked there with me.

Other than that, there was no motivation to get anything done. My boss was always disappointed with me whenever he came around. And I almost made the store close down because it was losing so much money. But now I realize, that’s not entirely my fault. It’s a Radioshack in Wyoming. It was destined to fail.

After that wonderful experience I started my welding career by heading off to school. This required a lot out of me and it promptly started off with a panic attack in my mother’s shower at 8 in the morning when I should’ve been packing my car. My grandparents were eventually able to help me calm down and I did get moved.

I started school and this is when I met my first real girlfriend. If you don’t think that ADHD affects relationships, well, it does. I was completely infatuated with this girl for the first little while. I loved her and everything about her.

However as time went on, we grew distant as I wouldn’t be as excited by her or her interests anymore, and from her perspective, it looked as though the relationship had become about me.

She’s not wrong in looking at it this way. I wanted to do what I wanted to do because what she wanted to do didn’t interest me. I wanted to play my video games and she wanted to ride her horses. And after living together for a year and a half, she ripped my heart to pieces and moved 13 hours away to New Mexico.

I only had a week with her after finding out that she was doing this and it hit me like a truck. The day she told me, I had to leave and process what she’d said.

So, I went out to a field, laid in some dirt, stared at the sky, and cried for the next hour. She broke up with me about a month later and you could see in her text message that I had made the relationship about me. And now I know why.

Since then I’ve had two more relationships that never went anywhere because I lost interest in them. I still miss my ex and I don’t know when I’ll have another relationship like I had with her. This is single-handedly the most depressing thing I deal with. It’s about once a month I go into a depressive episode missing her.

And here we are now! Working my welding job and loving life! ADHD is always at work forgetting where my tape measure is or where I set my gloves. I make silly mistakes sometimes because I’m not paying attention and so I measure the wrong length or forget to change settings on machines.

The other day I had to grab some wrenches about 10ft away and within that distance, I forgot what I was doing and began eating Cheese-Its. I’ll pull out my phone to check the time and forget to check the time, opting to check my notifications instead. Every day is a struggle but, at least I can now see it for what it is!

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Having ADHD, depression, and anxiety is like having the dream team of “you’re gonna have a crappy day!” ADHD just makes the highs really high and the lows really low and the lows are just compounded by anxiety and depression.

When you’re in the highs it’s like hitting New Year’s all over again. You make all these wonderful resolutions/goals that you swear you are gonna follow through with.

Then a week to two weeks later, all that has gone to the wayside and you are right back to the habits you were so sure that you were going to conquer a few weeks before.

Once you slip back into those habits, the anxiety and depression hit like a truck. You’re anxious because you feel the need to stick to your goals but you can’t because your ADHD won’t let you. Then you get depressed because you feel like you will never be able to reach your goals.

The goals extend far and wide as well. It’s not as simple as I wanna lose 10 pounds. No, it’s more along the lines of I want to become a world-class bodybuilder.

As Peter Shankman says in his book Faster than Normal “When you have ADHD, there is no such thing as moderation.” So all the many hobbies that I have tried to start or thought would be fun. You find me thinking about what it would be like to be the best in the world.

Lately, my obsession has been singing. If you could look into my brain, you would not see someone starting a small YouTube channel to showcase new songs. Instead, I am thinking about who could be in my band and envision myself on big stages playing top songs.

A while back I really wanted to get into gem faceting (cutting gemstones). I have always had a fascination with rocks, so I thought it was right up my alley. Instantly I am thinking about cutting hundreds of thousand dollar stones and making beautiful works of art. However, this is an expensive hobby and the lack of funds eventually led to loss of interest.

Other hobbies I have dreamed about include Geology, Space Photography, Astrophysics, 3D Modeling, Mountain Biking, Freestyle Skiing, Park Skiing, War History, YouTube, Twitch, Video Game Development, Car Design, Vehicle Modding, Drawing, Music Production, Writing, Piano, Competitive Gaming, Videography, Social Media Marketing, Weight Lifting, Traveling, Self Help, Stoicism, Podcasting. I could list off so many more but I think you get the idea.

Eventually, you will try your hardest to stick to your newfound obsession but all the drive will be gone and it will actually feel sickening and depressing to even touch the hobby.

Then you start wondering, what’s wrong with you? Why can’t you follow through with anything? Can I even achieve my goals? And it all gets so very depressing.

You literally go from mentally planning your whole future out in your head to hating the very thing you were so excited about in a matter of two weeks.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Anxiety and depression have both gone down drastically since I moved and switched jobs. From the people that I know who have experienced depression or anxiety, there is often something in one’s environment that is causing the problem.

In my case, it was the job I was at where my boss expected way too much out of me for way too little. I soon realized this when it became obvious that he was lying about how we were performing in hopes of making us work harder. Spoiler, it had the opposite effect.

The anxiety had actually gotten so bad that back in March I had the worst panic attack of my life. It was work-induced and I was scared because my body legitimately locked up and I couldn’t move. Spooky!

However, when I went to the ER they prescribed me medication. As crazy as this may sound, I had no idea that they had medication for that! This was an eye-opening realization to me that this thing that you have had your whole life… Yeah that’s not normal.

So after having this major panic attack, I decided something needed to change. I was super depressed and I had started taking anxiety meds almost every day at work to keep the panic attacks at bay. So I started therapy!

Oftentimes males are super hesitant to open up to strangers about their feelings and what they’ve got going on in their life. Yet, I took the approach of I need the help and this person is here to help me and this was one of the best things I could’ve done. It took me only about a month with my therapist’s help to connect the dots to my terrible job.

This got me daydreaming at work about quitting and moving closer to my friends and boy did that excite me. Eventually, my boss pushed me over the edge and I pulled the trigger. I wrote my boss a letter telling him I was going to search for a new job. Instantly I felt better.

No longer did I have the ever-present pressure to give another 100% after giving 110% I ended up finding a job and moving and WOW my life is so much better. I haven’t taken anxiety meds since I left and I honestly don’t even think about them anymore.

Now, throughout therapy, there were some other things, aside from work, that came up in our discussions that were depressing me. Lack of motivation, inability to complete tasks, lack of goals, jumping from hobby to hobby. And every time I brought one up, my therapist would say, “That could be a symptom of ADHD.”

Up to this point, ADHD wasn’t something that I thought about. No, ADHD up to this point had just been something that my mother mentioned getting me tested for when I was a kid. After which I proceeded to start crying.

After all, I thought that if I got diagnosed with ADHD that meant I was stupid and disabled (I do not think this anymore). Why wouldn’t a kid start crying if that’s what they thought their mother said. So she never got me tested.

So, when I finally quit my job and moved south I made it my goal to get tested for ADHD and finally get an answer to some of my life’s most pressing questions.

I moved in April and it took me some time to finally get around to it. The thing that finally pushed me over the edge was the weekend of September 30th of this year. That weekend I was going to my first ever concert!

‘Falling in Reverse’ was opening for Avenged Sevenfold and I couldn’t be more excited. Falling in Reverse is one of my FAVORITE bands. I worked that Friday and as it is coming home from work on a Friday, I was exhausted.

I came home and took a nap, no big deal. Well after I had my nap, my girlfriend was gonna come over and my room was trashed. Gotta clean!

The very first thing I did was some laundry. I had gotten into the habit of leaving my wallet and keys in my pants so I wouldn’t lose them. Well, I cleared out my pockets. BIG MISTAKE!

I took my wallet along with a stack of papers and I put it all in my dresser drawer. My girlfriend comes over, we go to get snacks. No wallet. I begin ripping my bedroom apart! All that work I had done making my bedroom look nice, doesn’t even matter anymore.

Eventually, my girlfriend just said she’d buy the snacks and I calmed down. Besides, I’ll find it when I get back right? Wrong. Honestly, I forgot to look until about an hour before I was supposed to leave for the concert. I didn’t find it.

At this point, the anxious side of me is going nuts. Not only am I going to have to ask my friend to buy everything for me at the concert tonight, but I’m also going to have to cancel all my cards, get new ones, get a new driver’s license, get a new insurance card, and a whole host of other things. It’s worse when you have ADHD too because you never really know when you’ll get any of this done.

So Monday rolls around, but still no wallet. At this point, I am going through my head mentally drawing up everything that needs to be done to fix this. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I knew my wallet couldn’t be lost unless it was stolen or I dropped it somewhere. I finally called a mental health clinic and scheduled a test. Between the excessive fidgeting and the excessive loss of items at work, I was fed up and ready to find help. And me losing my wallet finally did it in.

Mind you, at this point, I had not found my wallet which means no insurance card. No insurance card means no coverage and thus yet another thing for me to worry about. I couldn’t care less at this point.

So after I had gotten home from work, my anxiety was running strong. Just that constant feeling that you are on edge and something bad’s coming your way. So later in the evening, I turned to my release, journaling.

But I haven’t been able to find my journal since well, Friday. Hmmm, maybe if I find my journal I’ll find my wallet. At that point, I remembered the stack of papers that I had and I thought maybe I had stuffed them into a drawer. I opened the drawer and sure enough, there’s my journal, and under my journal, THE EVASIVE WALLET!

Since then, I have been tested. I do have ADHD. I actually learned that just a few days ago and I couldn’t be happier. When you go 23 years with ADHD not knowing, the moment you start researching ADHD and the effects it has on people, your life changes. It really does!

I have always thought that I was normal. No different than everyone else. But I never questioned why I struggled so much more on the easy tasks than everyone else.

Through Middle School my grades were awful. Got called to the principal’s office so many times because of this. I was kicked off the middle school football team for poor grades. Never got to go on school ski trips which was really sad to me because my parents never took me skiing.

Going into High School. I was signed up for a jump start. I did fine in jump start. I actually quite enjoyed it but this was then followed by 4 years of disappointing my parents and teachers.

Failing in even the classes that I enjoyed, such as welding, robotics, engineering, and foods. I finished High School with a 2.1 GPA barely graduating.

My joke has always been,” I needed a D on that test in chemistry to graduate, and boy did I get that D!” But, now, I look back with sadness because, unlike most people who hated high school, I loved it!

Hanging out with friends all day, learning cool things about science, history, English, and participating in extracurricular activities. Why would I ever say I hated it or didn’t care? Because that’s just what I was told.

With ADHD there are always moments where it turns around for a while. My room was clean about a week ago. Now there is trash and clothes everywhere and it’s kinda just the way I am existing right now.

You’ll get these magical bursts of motivation that push you in the right direction but motivation is fleeting with ADHD and about a week or two later, it won’t matter how easy you’ve made it, you’ll stop doing whatever it was. This feeds into the depression.

However, I do feel like I am making progress as a diagnosis is a great step in the right direction. I am gathering the resources I need to help myself be more successful and it does feel good.

The diagnosis has most importantly helped me to realize what I am and what I am not. Because of this, the extreme self-degradation has gone down and I feel so much more free to embrace the silliness of it all.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

ASK FOR HELP! I cannot stress this enough. I would not be where I am now if it weren’t for the support group I have around me. I used to be so scared of asking for help, especially because of ADHD.

This is because when I was a kid, asking for help or asking questions was often met with degrading or hurtful comments. Couldn’t find something, Mother comes in finds it, and says “It would help if you open your eyes!”.

Didn’t understand what the teacher was teaching, “It’s super simple and you are just not paying attention!” Brain didn’t react to Dad’s question so I responded with,” What?” Dad responds,” Did I st st stutter?!”

All these things really add up and so you start to build a shell around you and think no one wants to help you. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized there are a lot of people out there whose only job is TO HELP YOU! 

I cannot tell you how excited I am that I can unabashedly ask for help. I am just plotting out all the help I can get all the time and it feels so awesome.

I’ve already got my therapist and I just recently added a psychiatrist to the roster. Imagine all the others I’ll add. ADHD Coaches… Career Consultants… All these wonderful people who are there to make my life more enjoyable are no longer behind this wall that I had put up.

I would also say, anyone who thinks they could be struggling with a mental illness, do some research. ADHD up until about a month ago was only a possibility in my head and I thought if I had it, it was probably only affecting me a little bit.

But as I listened to podcasts and browsed the ADHD subreddit, I slowly began to learn what it means to actually have ADHD. Eventually, I had the experience that most people with undiagnosed ADHD go through. The experience of understanding your whole life.

Mind you, this happened within a matter of two days, and from these two days, I actually came out scared that I wouldn’t get the diagnosis. So as you can see this shifted my entire worldview. I honestly think everyone should at least research mental disorders a little bit to at least understand what neurodivergent people go through.

Medication is also a big thing for me as well. By no means am I a professional but, data does suggest that medication is really beneficial to those with mental health disorders. The negative stipulation is something that has personally affected my family.

My sister actually has ADHD as well and we’ve known this from an early age. When she was diagnosed, she was put on Ritalin. This was around the time of the Columbine School Shooting where the assailant had been using a psychotropic drug leading up to the shooting.

Because of this, my mother had to listen to everyone questioning her for putting my sister on drugs. My mother had been trying to find the help she needed with my sister and up to this point doctors had told her that it was her just being a bad parent. Even going as far as to give her books on parenting.

She was eventually able to find a doctor who told her she wasn’t a bad parent and that her daughter had a 7-second attention span. After that, she was put on Ritalin and the doctor didn’t even believe it was the same child when she brought my sister back for a follow-up.

The medication was life-changing for my mother and from what I understand it’s the same with most people that struggle with ADHD.

Even when I got my anxiety medication I noticed a difference. Every time I knew it was going to be a rough day, I would take a pill, and everything would be ok.

Up to that point, my boss had to do any small thing to ruin my day and leave me anxious for the rest of the day. So the medication was a godsend.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Yes I have actually! I haven’t quite decided if this is a good thing yet. My reasoning for sharing this information is that it takes a lot of the mistakes I make off of my character. These people can then understand why I do the things I do and they can either accept it or deny it.

It no longer becomes my problem and I can continue to try to implement the systems that will help with a sort of shield from all the scrutiny. If they question me for asking for help or doing things a different way then I can simply turn to them and say,” I am asking for help/doing it this way because it is easier for me.

If you’d prefer I do things your way then just understand it will take longer or may never get done. Are you ok with that?” At that point, I have laid it out for them and they choose where it goes from there.

However, this has proven tough in certain aspects because, as mentioned in previous sections, no one knows what ADHD actually is and what we actually struggle with.

So when I tell my supervisor that due to my ADHD, I can’t do the inspection phase of a build, he just responds with,” Oh this doesn’t mean you can start using that as an excuse.”

Or when it comes to not cashing checks, my mom says,” Well this is your finances so this needs to take a bit more priority.” Little do they know, I have always struggled with the inspection phase and I can’t simply choose to prioritize one section of my life. I am simply trying to make the inspection phase easier and I will never do it if I spend too much time on one thing.

I think I’ll stick to telling people that I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. The biggest thing is just making sure to educate them as to why I’m doing what I do and making sure they understand.

At the end of the day, I am the one who is part of the 5% so, I can’t expect anyone to understand what it’s like to be me and it’s my job to make sure they understand.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You are not alone. It is easy to get used to living with a disorder for so long and you think everything is ok and normal. But when you find out you are not normal by neurotypical means, it can be a depressing feeling like no one understands.

I am here to tell you that is not the case. There are millions of people struggling with the same things that you are. As dumb as it may sound I know a lot of us have sat at our computers in our underwear when we should be getting dressed for the day.

This isn’t just my experience, I heard it in the book Faster than Normal. I was at work when I heard it and remember just saying out loud, “THATS ME! Wait… that’s scarily super close to me.” Why is it so accurate? Because we are all sharing the same experience! Yeah, that’s how closely our experiences are connected.

So when you’re struggling and feel like no one understands, know that I understand. I lose my keys on the bed. I forget what I’m doing walking into another room. My room is trashed. I buy stuff I don’t need. We all do!

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain: Peter Shankman has really figured his ADHD out and he offers a lot of good advice in this book.
• Hacking your ADHD: William Curb finds so many great guests who share their struggles with ADHD and how they’ve managed it and used it to their advantage.
• How to ADHD: – This channel has a lot of great advice when it comes to focusing on specific problems that come with ADHD.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

All I really have is YouTube and Twitch but heh, my ADHD makes it hard to stay regular. Check them out if you’d like. They are mostly just gaming content.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How an ADHD Diagnosis Helped Me Understand My Life and Turn It Around With Therapy appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! My name is Mary Addison Yates and I like to be addressed by my first and middle name, MaryAddison. I’m a South Carolina native and have lived there most of my life, with the exception of three years in TN from the ages of 13-16.

I’m the second to oldest of five siblings, soon-to-be ex-wife, and co-parent with the father of our amazing 11-year-old boy/girl twins. I was a dental assistant for 20 years until 2020 when I had the courage to discover my passion and became an ICF certified life coach.

I’m extremely passionate about sharing my experience, strength, and hope to help people feel connected, seen, and heard. It is my belief that each and every human that is brought into existence is beautifully and uniquely created on purpose, for a purpose. Our life is evidence of our inherent worthiness; we do NOT have to earn it.

Feeling happy ebbs and flows for me depending on my inner state of being, outer circumstances, and attitude, but I can always find something to be grateful for. I feel the happiest when I have taken care of myself first, am fully present in the moment, and am focused on serving others.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I believe my struggles are a conglomeration of my DNA, my life experiences, how they affect me, and whether I have the awareness to address them. My greatest challenge was not knowing I was worthy of love due to experiencing emotional neglect as a child.

I experienced anxiety, panic attacks, and addiction for 16 years. I experience chronic musculoskeletal pain due to scoliosis, mood swings, brain fog, and fatigue due to perimenopause, poor working memory, time blindness, inattention, and hyperfocus due to ADHD. I am currently experiencing a cycle of depression due to having a major depressive disorder.

My earliest memory is of me desperately seeking evidence that my existence mattered. I felt unseen and unheard; invisible. The emotional pain was so intense I found a way to store all my feelings in my gut and disassociate from my body.

I had a constant stream of thoughts running through my mind. I used people-pleasing and strove for an undefined version of perfectionism in an attempt to feel useful and worthy of love.

I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation around age 14, started taking anti-depressants, and began therapy. I was also introduced to drugs and alcohol around that time, and it was a way to quiet the constant noise in my head.

At some point I crossed an invisible line that took me from recreational use to not having a choice whether I was going to drink and do drugs, it was only a matter of when I would again; no matter how many times I swore to myself that I was going to stop.

When I was younger, I worked extremely hard in school to make good grades but it was extremely challenging for me. Either I was undiagnosed with ADHD or I was unaware of it. Either way, I didn’t think I was as smart as everyone else because schoolwork seemed so much more difficult for me.

As I got older, I thought I was lazy, unmotivated, and irresponsible. I would start many projects but had a hard time finishing them. Trying to manage a job, household, and motherhood seemed so overwhelming and I judged myself extremely harshly. 

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I was so used to people-pleasing and masking my pain, that most people didn’t seem to notice that I was extremely depressed. Eventually, I barely went around people who cared about me.

In my darkest moments, I wanted my life to end. I was drinking so heavily on a daily basis, I would black out (be awake and functioning but have no memory of what I did) and behave in demoralizing and dangerous ways.

When I would wake up and learn about what I had done the night before from someone else, I was so ashamed of myself. I hated who I had become, it was a vicious cycle and a living hell.

Yet, somehow I was able to become a dental assistant when I was 20 years old. I could only keep a job for 1-3 years before I let my anger and resentment slip out and get fired for being disrespectful to my bosses.

I was a really hard worker and could hide my feelings for a while so I was always able to get a new job. I wasn’t able to recognize that I needed help because I didn’t see myself as the stereotypical addict begging for money, living in an abandoned house or under a bridge somewhere.

I met my future husband when I was 26 but I never felt truly connected to him. I felt just as invisible to him as I did to everyone else. When we decided we wanted to have children, by some miracle, I was able to abstain from drinking just before and during my pregnancy.

I coped by being very controlling, a shopaholic, and a workaholic. The twins were born when I was 31 and postpartum depression led me back to the only solution I thought I had: drinking. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

The moment I recognized that I’d rather be drinking than taking care of my babies was simultaneously the most horrifying and most wonderful moment of my life.

It was at that point that I was given the gift of desperation, to do something different. I met with my therapist and she recommended that I attend a 12-step recovery meeting.

I was terrified but I was determined to figure out how to overcome my pain and addiction. For 32 years I felt lost and broken. Twelve-step recovery was the beginning of a life I never even dreamed could be possible.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

After I was aware that I had a problem, that I needed help, and became willing to seek it. Being a part of a 12-step program gave me a group of people who could relate to my experiences and feelings. It gave me hope and showed me that it was possible to get better.

Having a mentor help me through the process of the 12 steps taught me how to become aware of my thoughts and actions, to understand what I could and couldn’t control, how to be responsible and accountable, and how to connect with and rely on a Higher Power- who loves me unconditionally.

Treating my disease of addiction is something I focus on, daily. It has been one of the key elements that have allowed me to practice acceptance and experience moments of happiness and joy every single day.

Understanding how ADHD affects the way my brain works has been a huge part of learning to love and accept myself. I now understand that ADHD is a superpower that I can work with vs. trying to do things in a neurotypical way and feeling like a failure.

One of the things I learned was that I am not necessarily motivated by what is important, I’m motivated by what is either urgent or interesting to me. I can use this information to ensure I have a specific deadline to complete a task and/or gamify anything that’s boring or mundane to me.

For example, grocery shopping is a monotonous task that I would avoid, but I can gamify it by setting a time limit for how long it can take for me to get everything I need and check out.

Before I go, I can write the list in order of the way the store is laid out and when I’m there I get to find the quickest ways around other people to try and beat the time I set for myself.

I continue seeing a therapist to help me process past events and emotions. Currently, I am seeing a therapist that uses a technique that allows me to express and process my emotions.

I have also learned to use EFT Tapping (emotional freedom technique), a mind-body therapy that involves tapping key acupressure points on the hands, face, and body with your fingertips while focusing on uncomfortable feelings or concerns, and using positive affirmations to neutralize those feelings.

It’s critical to utilize my psychiatrist to manage my medication for depression. It’s been my experience that depression is a process of gradual decline and oftentimes it is hard to notice until I’ve gotten to the point of hopelessness.

I just recently recognized that I was suffering from depression again. Having someone who knows my history and is able to ask the right questions to assess my levels of depression is vital for me.

To support my physical body, I see an integrative medical practitioner to help monitor and treat any nutritional and hormonal abnormalities. I also see a chiropractor and massage therapist on a regular basis to manage my chronic pain.

I also have daily self-care practices that ensure I make time to nurture my mind, body, and spirit. Sleep, hydration, movement, Epsom salt baths, meditation, mindfulness, time in nature, feeling my feelings, giving myself compassion, reaching out to others, and making time for creativity are some ways I increase my ability to experience happiness.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I am an open book. I truly believe my darkest experiences as well as my moments of joy and happiness are equally important and necessary to experience life fully in its entirety.

If I can help one person feel that their experience is relatable and recognize that they are not alone, and that there’s hope that they, too can experience happiness, I will feel fulfilled. We all want to feel like we matter, want to be seen, heard, and in connection with our humanity.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Find something to be grateful for. One of the most powerful tools I have is gratitude. I am NOT advocating for you to ignore your struggles or to try to be positive all the time, this can be very damaging. Instead, I like to acknowledge, validate and express my feelings to myself and then I search for something to be grateful for.

When I first started my gratitude practice, I would write down three things I was grateful for each day. It wasn’t easy, but before long the list would fill my entire page and now it’s almost automatic. I can honestly say that even through challenging times, I am extremely grateful that I now understand I am worthy of love, and have the ability to advocate for my well-being.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie was an incredibly eye-opening and useful resource that helped me understand what codependency was, losing oneself in the name of helping another, understanding that I am powerless to change anyone but myself and that caring for myself is where healing begins.
• The book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown revolutionized my understanding of worthiness. It was the catalyst that began my journey to practice courage, compassion, and connection with others. It is a book I will read over and over again because I always learn something new depending on how I’ve processed the concepts since the last time I read it. 
• The podcast ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka is the number one tool I recommend to women who have been diagnosed with ADHD and women that I suspect have ADHD but are undiagnosed or unaware. It is the most empowering show I have found that focuses on the strengths of ADHD and shares other women’s relatable experiences. It helped me understand the signs and symptoms that women with ADHD experience and I stopped shaming myself for the brain I was gifted with!
• The app Insight Timer is my go-to app for thousands of guided meditations, sound healing music, courses, and more. The free version is packed with value. You can search by any topic and filter by rating score or length of time. I especially love it for my afternoon naps!

Where can we go to learn more about you?

Learn about my coaching practice, speaking events, podcast interviews, and more on my website.

Find my story in the Amazon best-selling book Magnetic Abundance: Stories of those who have tuned to their heart’s mission.

Feel free to reach out via email, Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How the 12-Step Program and Therapy Helped Me Deal With Addiction, Depression & ADHD appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello! My Name is Alana, I am 30 years old and I live in the Buffalo Region of New York State (Go Bills!). I have two daughters; one biological, age 9, and one step, age 19. They are absolutely the lights of my life and make me laugh on a daily basis. Along with the girls, I live with my fiance, our two cats, Douglas and Mo, and our old pup, Hank. 

Currently, I do seasonal crew work and bartend at a large outdoor venue where we host everything from graduations and dance recitals to operas and rock concerts. It’s definitely a “come as you are” kind of place which is something I really appreciate since I don’t have to wear that “mask” and I can be my authentic self while I’m there. 

In the off-season, I am a Sociology student, aiming to become proficient in family dynamics and criminology. It’s become a passion of mine, as I was a child in the juvenile justice system due to the struggles stemming from my home life. I hope to one day help children and families in the ways me and mine weren’t. I also make and sell some handmade crafts like jewelry, resin crafts, and other various forms of artwork.

Both school and crafting have become very therapeutic in my healing process as they’ve offered me a ton of validation and hope. Hey, I’m not crazy after all! 

In terms of happiness, I’d consider myself “happy,” absolutely. I have exactly what I’ve always wanted. But I often have to remind myself that I am. I know it sounds a little weird, but I got so used to viewing the world from a negative perspective as a survival mechanism that my inner-critic became the only thing I listened to for a long time. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was officially diagnosed with ADHD in the summer of 2020 and later diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2023. Learning more about them, they overlap each other tremendously, so oftentimes I’m not sure if it’s ADHD or C-PTSD that’s the culprit whenever I’m experiencing symptoms.

There’s a sneaking suspicion that the C-PTSD is at play most of the time. Some of my symptoms include anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, forgetfulness, restlessness, sleep irregularities, emotional regulation issues, irritability, social difficulties, hyperfocus, and inability to focus. The list goes on… 

Symptoms started as early as I can remember. I had a pretty traumatic childhood; my father was physically abusive to both myself and my mother and it was normalized throughout my father’s family so there was no getting away from it until my mother decided to leave.

It wasn’t a once-in-a-while thing either. Fights were frequent and so was moving; I went to 6 different elementary schools by the time I hit the 2nd grade. Once she did leave when I was 7, she resented my father so much that I became the scapegoat.

Unfortunately, she also came from an emotionally abusive household; my grandmother more than likely has Borderline Personality Disorder and my grandfather enabled the abuse. She wasn’t able to provide the emotional care I needed because my grandparents never modeled it. That’s been a tough thing to come to terms with because it’s still an ongoing struggle. 

I started feeling anxious early on; stomach aches, headaches, an immense fear of the dark, and I was usually punished for all of that instead of tended to, or told to suck it up. As I was so often the new student, I was also an easy target for bullying. I had a love/hate relationship with the school. I loved to learn new things, and still do!

I won awards for my academics, maintained honors, and really took pride in my work. But, I left school every day in tears because I didn’t want to go back, the anxiety was paralyzing. I loved the learning aspect of school and what little validation I got from my teachers, but when it came to my peers, I couldn’t stand being the scapegoat there, too.  

It wasn’t all terrible, but when she flipped, I was punished which consisted of beatings, hours-long beratings, and such frequent groundings that it’s still a sad joke between me and some of my old friends.

I was labeled a “bad kid” by my family because of some of my behaviors like excessive crying, inability to sleep, and constant racing thoughts that I had to get out of my head, which made me an annoying kid, so my mom put me in counseling in an attempt to find out what was wrong with me.

Every child therapist I saw said that I was “an exceptional child” and that I would eventually grow out of whatever was ailing me. But I hid a lot of things for years because I didn’t want to get in trouble or hurt anyone’s feelings–including the self-harm that started at age 11. Eventually, she took me out of therapy and did the best she could. 

Over time, the unchecked trauma has manifested itself physically. It’s difficult some days to function. I deal with migraines, chronic pain, and fatigue. I’m actually currently in the process of trying to rule out (or in) Fibromyalgia.

I have pretty frequent brain fog so it’s hard to initiate and stay on task, and I often feel a sense of shame, like I’m a failure or “not enough,” and that leads to a lot of physical sensations; overwhelming dread, heaviness, heart palpitations, etc. I am always trying to stay cognizant of my emotions–always checking in on myself to breadcrumb flashbacks or the physical sensations that come up for seemingly no reason.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I was suicidal. I’ve gone through a few pretty bad bouts of depression where it’s difficult to do everyday things like shower, brush my teeth, or even change my clothes. The few bouts that stand out to me, of what I can remember, I hadn’t yet had a “plan,” but I most definitely wanted to die.

During these bouts, self-harm was at an all-time high. I would either cut myself or not take care of myself purposely because I felt like there was no point. There were a few times in the earlier days when I had partied a little too hard, hoping that I didn’t wake up the next day.

I felt so alone. I didn’t have a lot of friends, and the few I had were dealing with their own struggles so I never felt like I could burden them with mine. Dating was a nightmare; as much as I longed for love and acceptance, I never felt like I truly got it from romantic partners, and many of them were abusive which just perpetuated the cycle of self-loathing.

My mom remarried after some time, and she and my stepdad never really paid close enough attention to my mental health. And anytime I wanted attention or wanted to do something fun for myself and they had other plans for me, I was often called selfish. So for years, I felt like I was.

I never really tried to hide anything other than self-harm. I was terrified of being sent to a facility where I would have no control over the way I wanted to heal. I knew I had to, I just didn’t know where to start. On top of that, I desperately didn’t want anyone to blame themselves for what I felt; I thought this was all on me. For a long time, I felt like I had no reason to feel like this. I had everything I needed, what more could I want?

After the ADHD diagnosis, I was put on stimulants to try and regulate some of the symptoms. They worked very well at first; no more racing thoughts and I felt like a functional human being. But as time went on, I started becoming very rigid in my thinking, paranoid about how others perceived me, and I started projecting that my now fiance was going to leave me.

After a very emotionally taxing month for me and my fiance, I had an actual mental breakdown. Unable to stop crying, I voluntarily admitted myself to my local psych ward and stayed for a couple of days, ultimately being released after assessment. I realized that I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Believe it or not, that moment came to me in what they called the “abscond room” at the psych ward. It was a waiting room, where about 30 of us were waiting for beds and only one phone was connected to the wall by a very short cord.

There was a woman around 20 years my senior who came in after me and while she was on the phone, I overheard her saying to her mom, “Mom, why don’t you believe me? I have a plan! I am going to kill myself. Why can’t you just listen to me? My whole life I’ve just wanted you to listen to me.” I related to her so deeply.

Just an hour prior, my own mother told me I admitted myself looking for attention, and because I wanted out, my attention-seeking backfired on me. Witnessing the woman on the phone with her mom was like looking at my own mortality. That’s me! I went through this for roughly 30 years, I was not about to go through it for another 20.

I knew I had to make changes. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I was definitely going to put myself first for once and really seek the help I needed for my inner child, so I could at least help heal the broken bits of me that needed repair.

When I got out of the hospital, at 4 o’clock in the morning, I searched for and emailed countless therapists in my area that specialized in EMDR therapy. The next day one called me and I’ve been seeing him ever since.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I’ve since gone low contact with my mom and it’s helped. I still have days where I feel guilty for doing so, but I’m learning through therapy that I was designed to feel that way at a young age. It’s a lot of unlearning and relearning. It’s so uncomfortable, but when those “a-ha!” moments come… It really is such a good feeling to know I put myself on the right path.

My EMDR therapist is also a trauma-based therapist and he has helped tremendously. In my flashback moments, when my heart rate spikes and that feeling of panic and fear start to take over, he instructs me to start tending to “little me” in those moments while staying cognizant of my breathing. So, I speak to “little me” a LOT.

I comfort her, I give her things I wish I would have been given by my caregivers, and sometimes, I just let her cry. All of those emotions “little me” kept bottled up for so long have to be let out. It’s kind of like this little hack since I’m always looking to take care of others, so I offer care to another part of me as if it’s not myself in the here and now.  

One thing he’s said to me that has stuck out is “If you’re able to sit here and monitor your breathing, you are safe.” That’s helped SO much.

With my daughter, I also try very hard to offer her the emotional support I always sought as a child. I’m not quick to yell or punish, especially if she’s just being a kid. And there are times I accidentally reparent myself through parenting her, and I don’t even realize it.

For example, her father and I are no longer together, and while he’s still very much involved in her life and an excellent father, she has all the appropriate feelings behind leaving her dad’s house come Sunday night.

One night, he dropped her off and I could tell that she was upset, so I asked her if she was angry, disappointed, depressed, etc. She told me she was just sad because she didn’t get to spend as much time as she would like with her dad because the weekends are too short.

I reminded her that it was only temporary, and in the summer, she would get to spend much more time with Dad, and that he would love to spend more time with her too, but this is the system that works for us and for her the best.

She felt a lot better after our conversation and went back to being her happy-go-lucky self. After she went inside, I had to take a few minutes and grieve. I had to grieve the lack of that emotional validation surrounding my dad’s absence.

My fiance is so unbelievably supportive, so he sat with me on our porch while I explored that wound where I was never spoken to about it or consoled, spending hours on the couch just staring out of the window anxiously waiting for him to show up, only to wake up in my mom’s house the next morning feeling so… empty.

All of the times he forgot to pick me up from school, once on my 6th birthday. I was so angry at my mom for not doing what I just spent a few minutes doing so my daughter could feel better, and then I was sad, because “little me” went through life so confused and sad.

But, a huge wound was patched up a little that night and it was just so relieving and validating knowing that trauma-based therapy is truly helping.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

My fiance, stepdaughter, and my older sister are my go-to’s. They have been pivotal in my journey. I have a couple of very close friends that I can be very, painfully real with, and they don’t run away from it. I don’t really share a whole lot with my coworkers, just the surface-level things, but we’re all a bunch of misfits so a lot of it just goes without saying–we kind of just understand each other on a deeper level without having to know all the details.

My mom and stepdad are often the hardest to talk to about it, just because they’re not open to any sort of criticism. I can quickly find myself in a shame spiral when I do try to say how I feel about something since it’s often dismissed.

I try to share my story with whoever is open to it. We are all human and the brain is a powerful thing! We’re all going through something in one way or another and sometimes, in order for others to start their own healing process, it helps to know they’re not alone.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

What I wish I knew earlier was that I am not fundamentally broken. I’m kind of like the Japanese art of Kintsugi. The pieces of me are still there, and there might be tiny bits that won’t ever look the same, but I can be put back together and what comes out of it is a work of art. 

With that said, healing is not linear and it is not completely mess-free! You’re going to feel like you’re doing it wrong, but keep doing it anyway… and learn from it. Be compassionate with yourself on your bad days and congratulate yourself on your good days. There is no right time to begin healing and you deserve to feel good about yourself. What comes out of it can truly be a masterpiece.

I have gained, and continue to gain, so much wisdom throughout this entire journey, so another strong piece of advice would be to try to educate yourself on everything you can and do so with an open mind.

We all have room for improvement and the ability to grow and change will help us become the most authentic version of ourselves. It will also give us the strength to open ourselves up to the possibility that we’re all going through some complexities… some sort of struggle. Understanding yourself is the first step towards truly understanding others.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: This book helped me in so many ways that it’s hard to pinpoint particulars. It’s really explained how C-PTSD works, how it manifests within you, and how you can work through flashbacks. It was incredibly validating and helpful. A must-read for anyone who struggles with Complex PTSD.
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk: This book helped me realize that my physiological reactions were a symptom of C-PTSD. It also helped me learn how to “breadcrumb” my feelings back to their origin. Not every negative feeling is tied to a trauma, however, the ones that take me out for a while are. It answered a lot of the How and Why.
• Patrick Teahan LICSW on YouTube: He really spells a LOT of it out for you. It’s so validating. It’s basically free therapy with explanations behind how things manifest. He’s so kind, and he uses a lot of his own experiences in his childhood as points of reference, so he’s speaking from a true place of understanding.
• Last Podcast on the Left: This one might sound a little weird. I listen purely for entertainment, but the host, Marcus Parks, struggles with Bi-Polar/Depression and while talking about his struggles on an episode he said something so profound: “It is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” He went on to explain that the reason we have whatever ails us is not our fault, but since we have it, it is our responsibility to learn how to function with it–whatever that looks like. It’s been something I have taken on as a motto of sorts.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

I don’t really do social media other than Reddit! My Reddit handle is u/gnarlybetty and you can usually find me in communities like r/CPTSD or r/raisedbynarcissists – two communities I’ve found to be very helpful in my healing journey.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

My fiance and I are in an “age-gap” relationship; we’re 20 years apart. I mention this because we often get asked if one of us has something to “fulfill” for dating so far out of our age range. Maybe we do, but we just haven’t discovered it yet.

However, we don’t look at it that way. We got together at a time when we both needed someone to listen and understand us, we were both single at the time, and our values aligned perfectly.

We had known each other for some time through some family ties, so we weren’t strangers to each other at all. Huge plus: my stepdaughter was the one to ultimately hook us up. She was friends with my much younger sister and we always got along great whenever I saw her around, so it became kind of a no-brainer.

Generational trauma runs deep in my family, and as the scapegoat, I was left to carry the sins of the family. Being told I was just like my father, or his side of the family, was so deeply troubling that it caused a huge identity crisis. While I still have a good relationship with some of them, there’s a lot I never want to be associated with. 

***Trigger warning for rape/incest and domestic violence: I have a very dysfunctional family–on both sides. My biological father’s generation are all products of rape. My paternal grandfather (21 at the time) raped my grandmother (14 at the time) and because of misogynistic values, my grandmother was forced to marry him.

They later had six kids and my grandfather was physically abusive to her. He would line their children up and make them watch as he beat her, telling them that it was how you handled a disobedient wife. 

My grandfather raped my oldest sister for years and attempted to do the same to a cousin of mine. My cousin confided in my mom, my mom told her parents, and my dad turned to abusing my mom as the answer. 

My maternal grandmother was raised by an alcoholic father and an abused mother and was often sexually assaulted by her father in his drunken stupor. Because of the unchecked trauma, she sought relationships that often resembled the one she was raised in.

She raised her three children in a toxic environment and even struggled with mental health herself. In the 70s, she went through a mental breakdown and was administered Electroconvulsive Therapy at age 40. I have a lot of grace for my mom because of this… she was only given so much in terms of emotional support and I genuinely do not think she has the capacity to retain any more.

So, as an adult, she was an abused woman trying to take care of abused kids, as the cycle tends to repeat itself. But as Marcus Parks has said, it is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. It’s my responsibility to take care of myself now, despite longing for a relationship I would never have with my mother.

My father was extremely abusive to my mother. I vividly remember her wearing makeup to bed, and as a woman who was adamant about washing her face at the end of the night, I found it odd whenever she did. My first memory is of my dad throwing our entire brand-new plate set at my mom, shattering everyone, while I stood there in a pull-up and watched through the doorway.

At one point, when the abuse was escalating and he started abusing her in front of others, he beat my mom in front of me, my cousins, and my aunt and uncle. The cops were called and a female officer came over to me to try and calm me down but I was so upset I could barely get a word out through tears.

I wanted my mom safe but watching my dad being carried out in cuffs was equally as traumatizing. I will never forget that feeling and it’s one I can’t even describe. It’s a lot to reconcile with as an adult, but I’ve tried to deal with each flashback as a fleeting thought…I’m not in danger anymore.

However, once my mom left and she had all of that unchecked trauma, she projected a lot of it onto me because I was my dad’s child. I wrote her a letter once when I was a child and I was so young in fact that it was written in crayon, but it was about feeling like because I was a part of my dad’s family, and I knew she hated them so much, that meant she didn’t love me and that’s why she was treating me so badly. Instead of being hit with any sort of realization, she mocked and punished me for it. 

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot more but probably not enough room for each traumatic event or how I got through it/what helps me work through it. But trauma therapy and learning about everything I can when it comes to the how and why has helped me tremendously. I’ve learned that I’m actually the healthiest one in my family! Go figure!! 

Through all of this, my older sister was my keeper. She was not the one abused by my dad’s family–she’s not a product of his. However, from the time she was 9, she was “mom.” She basically raised me until she moved out at age 17. I went everywhere with her–friends, work, wherever she had to go… if there was no parent around, she took me.

She kept me safe whenever she could and was the silver lining in my childhood. Every birthday or big event that I had in my life, she was right by my side–no one else. She had to leave for her own reasons and I hold nothing against her whatsoever. It helped her grow into who she is today and she is the most beautiful person I know inside and out. She is a fantastic role model.

To this day, she is my very best friend and is standing up as my Matron of Honor at my wedding this August. The only regret I have in life is not offering the same for my younger sister, but through therapy, I’ve learned that I was not able to be. I had to survive. Her home life is a lot less dramatic than mine was as she was raised by my mother and stepfather, and things got a lot easier for my mom as time went on.

My stepdad is the one I view as my actual father, and he’s a great one. My mom did do a lot of things right, and I’m so thankful she was given a different life than the one my sister and I had.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Taking Care of My Inner Self & EMDR Therapy Helped Me Battle Childhood Trauma and C-PTSD appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Alright, let’s start this off with a bit of an introduction. My name is Brandon, I’m 36 years old. God that feels ancient now… I currently live with my wife and my dog near the east coast. I was recently able to buy a house (I have literally no clue how I was able to pull this off, it took forever and I still can’t believe it.) 

I’m going to be real with you, this year has been one of the most difficult years of my life. We bought our house in December of 2022. I was laid off from my job in Feb. of 2023 the week our first mortgage payment was due. I was drowning, had no clue whatsoever how I was going to make it and somehow, it all did.

I got hired at the new company I’m in, making double what I was making previously doing something VERY similar and I can’t begin to say how grateful I am for that.

It took me really digging into what I’m insecure about and a lot of reflection to find what I was truly passionate about and I still jump between hobbies. My most recent fascination has been painting. My perfectionism makes me hate almost every single piece I make but I’ve been told that I’m getting better which is nice and honestly, it’s one of the best ways for me to get past perfectionism and let myself fail.

It doesn’t matter if it looks awesome, it matters that I had fun doing it. I constantly have to tell myself to stop being mean to myself or getting frustrated while I’m doing the thing that’s supposed to make me chill… It’s kind of ironic but it genuinely helps. 

Drawing in general has been something I’ve always found absolutely confounding. I can’t fathom how some artists do what they do. I didn’t understand how someone can take a model and put them on paper so I decided to demystify the process for myself.

I started watching youtube videos and ran face-first into figure drawing. I started with circles and cylinders. I spent a few hundred hours trying to understand anatomy and still have no clue what I’m doing. Initially, I saw little to no progress… and then slowly things started coming into focus and now I draw daily. It’s my zen time.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

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What is your struggle and when did it start?

I constantly struggle with ADHD and anxiety, far less so these days. Emetophobia and depression were my worst enemies back in the day. Currently, it’s a struggle with imposter syndrome. I constantly feel like an idiot and I don’t know anything but I regularly get recognized for good work… because I’m so used to working 80 to 100 hours that doing what I do now feels like a vacation.

The peak of my struggle was when I was 24-26. I had enough of a really bad situation and decided to move out despite my family insisting it was my responsibility to keep my mom from getting evicted from HER house by putting myself further in debt. There were a number of other colorful conversations before I got sick of the hoarder situation and bailed. 

I was working two full-time jobs to stay in my single-room townhouse in Missouri. 7-4 pm I was in a warehouse getting boxes and running papers to shred and 10p-6 am I was working in a gas station trying not to pass the hell out. It was an absolute nightmare.

I couldn’t pay my bills, the money just wasn’t there. I could barely sleep because of the timing. I couldn’t see friends, not that I had any at the time. I had zero hobbies because all I could do was try to survive.

I was consistently falling asleep at one job or another. The lack of money got to the point where I had to eat a ranch dressing packet and hot cocoa for dinner because they were free at my morning job. It was hell on my body, but I’d be damned if I was going to walk back to my family’s house. I was going to do it alone if I had to die for it.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst, I had a decision to make. I was alone in the townhouse in a bathtub debating whether or not I wanted to live anymore. There was no happiness in my life. There was no light. I hid everything from everyone. Nobody could have seen me struggle because I was too busy working to show anything.

I can’t begin to explain the depth of hatred I had for myself. I was working 80, sometimes 100 hours a week with overtime and I still couldn’t make it. Why? I had no friends. Why? I had zero prospects of a relationship and felt zero love from anyone. Why?

I hated myself.

I hated myself and I hated my situation. Something had to change. It was going to be my life either ending or changing. I chose to change.

I can say with all confidence that had I not gone through the shit I’ve been through, I wouldn’t be the man I am today, and I like me quite a bit.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

After my decision to keep living, I had to reacquaint myself with being uncomfortable. I started looking into how to be happy and really thinking about the things that made me miserable and how I could change them or even if I COULD change them. 

Things started to change for me when I turned 27. I had therapy in my teens because of some behavior shit I was going through, ADHD related and I was an active kid. I remembered during a session my therapist tried to get young me to journal. I wasn’t having any of it. It was pointless at that moment. Why would I want to write shit down? I’m literally living my life, why write about it? I started journaling at 27.

I realized that I was an absolute bastard to myself. I had internalized dialogue that I wouldn’t say to my worst enemies. I consistently thought I was worthless because I associated how much money I made with my worth as a person, but that has since stopped.

I constantly compared myself to all of the vacation-taking, wealthy parents having friends I had grown up with. I stopped that by actively monitoring my thoughts and journaling when I was in mid-depression / anxiety.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I found that all I could write about my life was negative things. There was no positive. I reread my journal to see what it was about life that I hated the most during my worst episodes. I had no time to myself.

During my longest work hours, on breaks and stuff, I started reading again. It was something I did as a kid and it was the only thing that brought me happiness when I was in school. If I hated my life, I may as well live someone else’s right? If I had nothing that I could write that was good about my life, I forced myself to start reading and writing down things that I liked about the characters in the books.

I forced myself to write positive things even if the negative column was so much larger because if I didn’t see some good in living, I was going to choose not to and I wanted to live damn it. It was around December 2013 that I found the book “The Way of Kings” by Brandon Sanderson.

That book saved my life. 

It was the first time I had read anything about another individual having the blackest of depression. It was the first time any form of media broached the topic of just ending it. It was the first time I realized that I could give it one more shot to make my life something worth living.

I listed the things I hated about myself that I wanted to change:

1. I can’t afford to live.
2. I have no friends.
3. I will never be in a relationship.
4. I hate my body.

Those four things were what I had to change in order to become who I wanted to be. I looked up how to escape generational poverty. My family had been taking out payday loans since I was a toddler. It was the only thing I knew. I didn’t understand life without it because I was stuck in a trap of overconsumption.

I stopped spending money. Everything. Hard stop. I spent nothing unless it was a bill and I paid extra towards loans. It took me a year to finally be able to breathe. I did hundreds of hours of overtime and I finally escaped the worst fiscal situation I will ever be in.

I didn’t have any friends because I wasn’t able to take the time to go see them. Everything was dedicated to work to afford all of the shiny new bullshit keeping me trapped in two jobs. After I paid off my loans… I don’t have to do 20 or 30 hours of overtime now… What should I do? How about I call up some of my old friends and see what they’re doing? They’re all married with kids now and in different states? Alright. Time for new ones. But how?

With my extra time, I joined a non-competitive volleyball league I found on Craigslist of all places. When I say non-competitive… I mean I don’t know why we bothered calling it a volleyball league. There was a dude that would regularly bring a wooden sword, unironically, onto the court and swing at the ball. Everyone laughed, it didn’t TRULY matter. We were just there to hang out. I made some okay friends in that group, none that I hang out with now but they were there when I needed ANYONE.

I started researching decent-paying jobs in some of the newly found downtimes and found that basic Excel skills could get you 15 an hour! That was damn near what I was making for TWO jobs! I’m in. I watched God knows how many tutorials. I broke spreadsheets, practiced formulas, and made paintings (true story) in Excel. It didn’t get me a job. But I found a call center that was starting at 12 an hour! Let’s do the thing.

It was a different kind of hell. Customer service might pay pretty decent these days, and it’s a great way to get your foot in the door, but I swear if I ever have to do it again I’ll cry. Hard.

Within a few months, my phone voice got me a “team lead” position. Don’t know what to say?! Send it to Brandon! No title, no promotion, just a transfer and I’ll handle the hard stuff. Did I mention I was making 12 whole dollars an hour?! And I only had to work 40 hours a week to (kind of) make due?! I was in heaven.

During my time at the call center, I finally learned how to do small talk. “How are you doin’ today?” “Livin’ that dream!” The typical office bullshit that works well enough when you kind of have to care, but also works when you need to get through a grocery line without looking like you’ve never touched grass…

Well. My life at that moment was better than it had been in the last 26 years. Things were looking up and I finally had a bit of confidence. I never thought I’d be in a relationship. She’ll definitely say no right? May as well shoot my shot.

“Hey so… I have noticed you around and I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date. I’m not looking to hang out, I’ve got enough friends, I’m looking for a relationship. Are you interested?”

I met my wife in a call center. 

Our first date was Straight Outta Compton and Buffalo Wild Wings. I know, it doesn’t get much more classy right?

We moved in together a year later. We’re still together and I love her more every single day of my life.

Oh right! The Excel thing! Remember when I was practicing those formulas? My buddy just got a new job at a small software company… I wonder what it would take to get a job there… You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I called my buddy. I handed him my resume and he passed it off to his team lead and I got an interview. The test? Excel formulas with Call Center experience as a skill that was mandatory.

14.65 per hour. I will literally burn the world down to get this job. I stress about it over and over. I took the test. I was positive I bombed it. I got a job offer 2 weeks later with the best (only) insurance I’ve ever had, PTO, and holidays off? What the hell is a holiday?

I continued to study Excel and got about 2 years of experience under my belt. I started to study SQL. It’s basically Excel but in sentence form and a bit more wordy because why not. It can’t hurt right? I started applying for other jobs. A recruiter reached out to me.

“If you can get me 45k a year, I will walk out of this job today. I know SQL, I know how to use Excel and I know my way around a computer.”

“We’ll submit you for a job here shortly and reach back out.”

There’s no way in hell this is gonna happen. I got a call the next day. 

“They’re willing to go at 21 an hour, is that okay?” 

I put in my two weeks that day. From there on, I was finally able to breathe. I stayed at my next job for 5 years learning more SQL and business practices. From there, I learned a little PowerBI and somehow got myself into a Junior BI developer role. 34.50 an hour. I almost fainted and I ugly cried for HOURS. 

That was the job that laid me off after we bought our house.

Feb 23rd, 2023. I am called into a meeting with HR and my VP. They read a script and I ugly cry about the economy being horrible and because of fiscal downturns (our company was one of the ones that relied on “whales” [people with millions that park it in high-yield bank accounts] to keep their money in the bank even if the fed raised rates elsewhere. Guess what? They didn’t.

Guess who had been applying to jobs because they saw it coming. *This guy*. Never stop looking to improve your situation and yourself. I was hired after a month of being unemployed making more than I ever have.

If I had decided not to take my next steps… If I had decided that life wasn’t worth living and that I was incapable of change… I would be on the ground. I never would have met my wonderful wife. I never would have gotten to experience the highs and lows of learning and specializing in skills. I never would have gotten my beautiful pup and I never would have been able to see Japan, one of my two life goals.

It took being dragged through shit for a lot of years to cement in my mind now that I am one of the luckiest men alive. The only reason I am where I am is because I made a decision to try to change my world and it came with some REALLY hard lessons.

I think the only thing I didn’t address was I hate my body… I’m still a fatass. I just kinda embrace it now because unfortunately, I haven’t wrapped my mind around the effort being worth the return. That is changing currently as we are walking at least 3 times a week with the dog and my diet has changed drastically. Small steps and a little time. Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination

You deserve happiness too.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I try to share my struggles with people that want and are ready for change. I’m not trying to ram my story down peoples’ throats. The hardest part about all of this is knowing WHEN to share it. Someone might want to change, but not truly be ready. That is actually an okay thing.

Sometimes the timing just isn’t right. If you’re really ready to change your life and dedicate the time and effort (yes it sucks ass during the hard times but it gets easier) then by all means, let my story motivate you.

You, the reader, are completely capable of changing your life. It’s really about being able and willing to put in the work and a tiny bit of luck that will change your life.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

The person you are is dictated by what you do after you hit rock bottom. My rock bottom was sobbing in a bathtub with 2 choices sitting with me. One was loaded, the other was a drastic change. I chose to live that day and I hope everyone out there does as well. We all deserve happiness.

Everybody fails. Sometimes it’s more visible than other times. Forgive yourself for being human, and allow yourself to move on. You deserve peace.

If you struggle with beating yourself up about EVERYTHING as I do, start talking to yourself like you’re a stranger. Better yet, ask yourself if what you’re saying to yourself is something you’d say to someone you love. I bet it isn’t and I bet you deserve to be treated better than you treat yourself.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
• Psychology Today
• Healthy Gamer
• Suicide Prevention Hotline – Call 988

Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination. 

Where can we go to learn more about you?

I don’t really do social media if I’m being real. I’m on Reddit but it’s used primarily for nefarious purposes and yeah… Social media sucks. Avoid Facebook and Twitter like the plague. TikTok is just as bad and is designed to be addictive and distracting. Find comfort in silence with yourself, it’s a better investment.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post From Rock-Bottom to Slowly Turning My Life Around And Finding Happiness appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

When you live in a small rural town like I have, the isolation you feel can feel overpowering. In those small towns, every action and word is judged, and when you are constantly judged and belittled, you are filled with doubt, hopelessness, and emptiness. Let’s step back a few steps, I forgot to introduce myself. 

Hi, my name’s Lydia, I’m a young adult who has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety disorder, depression, and C-PTSD.

I know what you’re thinking, wow that’s a lot of damage, and what I can say is simple. When you get your shiny new diagnosis, they don’t tell you about other things like executive dysfunction, imposter syndrome, or that you are prone to other things.

I’ve had to face my dyslexia head-on more and more as an adult. I’m a graphic designer who specializes in ad design, so spelling is kind of important.

In facing my dyslexia I’ve had to come to terms with my self-doubts and insecurities of not being like everyone else. It’s hard to feel happy when it’s your own head calling you a failure.

Since then I’ve been researching ways to help me feel better, and improve in all aspects of life. I know my journey is not complete, but when you’ve been dealing with all of this stuff since you were five, you tend to pick things up.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

For my whole life, I’ve been struggling with Autism and ADHD. Do you know the scene in Bluey where Jack forgets his hat? That was my entire childhood. Forgetting things and being criticized about them, going through the destroy-build-destroy phase, and having zero emotional control.

Later in life, I was diagnosed with dyslexia and C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).

What I deal with is exhausting. Have you ever forgotten where you put your keys, or what you were going to say? That would happen to me at least 5 times in a morning. It’s not a big problem when it’s your keys, but it’s a major problem if it’s a person. 

When I got my diagnosis when I was a child, my doctor at the time told me by adulthood I’d grow out of it. I’m here to tell you that’s a load of BS. I struggle with my symptoms just as much as I did as a child, the only difference is I had more help when I was younger.

There is just more help out there for children with ADHD. Wanna know something else that no one tells you? The coping system you have as a child will not help you. So not only do you have to work twice as hard as your peers, but you get to learn new coping skills…yaaaaeee (I hope you noticed the sarcasm).

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Besides affecting my time management, my organization, and my work-life balance, Autism & ADHD also affected my social life. I was so lonely as a kid because I was different and weird. You have to remember, I had no impulse control and would just say and do whatever I was thinking about.

When you are a kid in school, your peers don’t see someone with a disability, they see a weirdo. What hurts the most is no matter how hard I tried to fit in, it never worked. I had many peers tell me to kill myself in high school (Zack Coble, I’m calling you out), or in middle school everyone would run away from where I was hanging at. 

During those years I had friends, but since I struggle with object permanence, I would forget they exist until I saw or talked to them again. Growing up I felt so isolated from my peers, parents, and teachers. In the first grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Hill, she had no idea how to handle someone with my disability.

Instead of researching and trying to find a way to help, she taped a box on the floor. In front of the whole class, she told me that this was the only place I could be, I was not allowed to get up at all.

Not only did my peers now have another reason to pick on me, my needs were not being met and now she had an even better excuse to ignore me. From that point on I never told another teacher I was struggling, cause if abuse is one teacher’s response, the rest would be worse.

People knew I was struggling with ADHD and still, I was given no help. I finally was given help in college. So yes people knew, they just didn’t care. 

I started masking and trying to hide it in high school, so much so that now as a young adult I have no idea who I am as a person.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

College is when it started to turn around. It’s only just now realized by schools and parents that we need more help than most. And it’s not just that I can’t focus, or I’m not trying hard enough. Trust me, we are trying just as hard, if not harder. My struggle is still impacting me, my boyfriend doesn’t understand what I’m living with. That the same things he likes, my passion for the small stuff, and how excited I get also comes with the bad stuff. 

When you have Autism & ADHD it’s not about curing it or getting rid of it, it’s about learning how to live with it. Just like if you were blind you have other things that will help mitigate your symptoms like using a whiteboard to remember stuff, keeping things that you need on you at all times, doing tasks by timer, finding an organization method that helps you and caters towards your specific needs.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

With Autism and ADHD, it’s not about overcoming it. Trust me, I’ve tried for years.

It’s about learning to live with it. You first have to accept the fact no matter how you try to mask it, it’s going to be there. What helped me in the beginning was being faithful in taking my medicine. When I was younger, I was on a new ADHD med each year until I hit 12. Adderall, Ritalin, Strattera, name brand after brand, I’ve been on them all.

I stopped treatment at 12 because it all felt hopeless, I was either sick, a zombie, or both. I’ve recently been treating my Autism and ADHD with Vyvanse and that has been the only thing to not give me a negative response.

Now, medicine alone is not enough. Lucky for you, I’ve got a bunch of coping skills that can help. I’ve put them in list format to help:

Morning

• Set your alarm across the room and make it very obnoxious. Trust me, it will annoy you enough to overpower it. You also can’t doom scroll in bed if your phone isn’t near you.
• Set your medication by your alarm, coffee pot, or in your car. As long as you’re medication is where you plan to be first thing in the morning. As soon as you wake up you’re going to remember to take them. Some people say to put them by your bed. I actually don’t like that because it makes my executive dysfunction worse.
• Get up earlier than when you need to. I get up a full hour and 30 minutes earlier before I actually head to work to give myself time to settle, time for my medication to kick in, and just for myself to prepare mentally for the day because it takes a lot of energy. 

Night:

• Have a set time you have to be in bed. People who struggle with ADHD and Autism tend to have DSPS (Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome). We just tend to wake up and go to bed later than everyone else. If we listen to our natural signs we are going to go to bed super late and get up super late. My set time to go to bed is 10:30 PM.
• No sugar for an hour and 30 minutes before bed. I know the recommendation is an hour but I just recommend adding the extra 30 minutes.

Every day:

• Always keep your important stuff on you at all times: my phone, keys, headphones, and cups literally never leave my sight.
• The bulkier the item, the easier to find. If you love your slim phone, I’m sorry but you’re going to need to get a clunky case. No, neon cases don’t work. If it’s on a flat surface good luck finding it. If you have a big ass OtterBox on it, it will not blend into the countertop. Same with car keys. The more shite you have on it, the easier it is to see.
• If you lose something, look in the fridge. A good chunk of the time what we are looking for is food. We were hungry when we lost it, there’s a good chance that it’s nearby food.
• If you can’t find it, look in unusual places. I have found my phone on top of the fridge, on the mower, a fence post, under my bed, in my laundry basket, and the weirdest on my grandpa’s old tack room. What is common in all these places? My mind was somewhere else.
• Find a job that is best for you and your disability. If you want to be an engineer and you have ADHD, it may not be the best career for you.  I’m not going to say you can’t because I’m sure there are many people with ADHD that are amazing engineers. It is just going to be exponentially harder. People with ADHD like change. Change makes dopamine go fast.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I’ve only shared my struggle with my family and my therapist. Since I faced bullying and public ridicule, until recently I’ve never felt comfortable sharing it with someone else.

If you’re like me and tend to hold on to all of your problems, I recommend talking to a therapist. They’re very open-minded. It’s a lot easier to talk to someone open-minded whenever you’re learning to talk about it.

When I was younger, here’s what helped: soup breathing. It’s a pretty simple exercise and hell, I use it to this day. I don’t use it to calm myself down, but more to treat my anxiety when it gets a little too scary.

The first step is you inhale. Then you just blow out like you’re trying to cool some soup off. So take a big deep breath. Hold it for like 4 seconds and then blow out through an o-shaped mouth until you’re out of air and keep doing that.

For the longest time, teachers and school counselors would make me uncomfortable talking about my struggles. They would always be quick to pass it off as me not trying hard enough or I’m just being lazy. They never seemed to understand. I was asking them for help. They always thought I just wanted to complain.

I had many teachers tell me that everyone else had it just as hard as I did. They didn’t want to learn what it’s like to be me. I remember going to the school counselors about genuine issues I’m having with teachers because they weren’t respecting my needs and being told that I was simply being overdramatic.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Don’t be afraid of taking medicine. For the longest time, I hated the idea of taking medication. Not only from bad experiences but feeling like I can’t do anything without it. It’s okay to feel like that but don’t let it be the reason you don’t at least try it.

Also, asking for help is okay. I know you don’t want to feel like you’re a burden to those you love, but trust me, your loved ones would rather help you than follow behind your coffin. If you feel like you’re alone and don’t have anyone to talk to, I recommend the Reddit subreddit r/ADHD.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• YouTube channel: How to ADHD
• TikTok channel: Conner DeWolf

Where can we go to learn more about you? (Links to social media, website, etc)

Nothing here!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Autism & ADHD: My Tips On Learning to Live With It Despite People Not Understanding appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Mary and I live outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States. I currently work as a mental health therapist in both private practice and as a school-based counselor.

I reside with my boyfriend of 9 years, we own our home. We have two cats that are like our children, more or less. I love running, hiking, camping, drawing, reading, science fiction, and spooky things.

I have been a runner for around 10 years now and am rather passionate about it. I look at it as a competition with myself. I am also passionate about integrative mental health care, and how our general wellness and physical health impact our mental health. I am also passionate about human rights. I have an older sister, two nieces, a nephew, and a great-nephew. 

I find it important to consider how you physically feel and how ensuring you physically feel well is a major part of our mental health.

Running started, for me, as something to do after I graduated high school and entered college. I was a competitive dancer for 10 years and had danced for 14 years by the time I graduated high school. I was not going to dance during college and took up running.

I found a community in it at the time, as well. It positively impacted my mental health and my general sense of well-being and happiness. It has become increasingly more difficult to find the balance in my life to maintain that level of physical activity, so I can’t rely on running as much anymore.

I think maintaining physical wellness is really important. I learned that happiness is not a destination, it is found along the journey. So, overall I would say I am happy. Maybe not every day, but certainly overall at this point in my life.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD. Some of my anxiety stems from ADHD. It is really stressful to manage ADHD symptoms and it impacts my mood more times than it doesn’t.

I experience difficulty staying on task, and I “zone out” a lot, especially when things aren’t engaging. It is really, really difficult to focus.

It took me setting aside specific time to answer these questions when I was able to actually stay on task.

My symptoms didn’t start until adulthood, I always had an outlet growing up, and exercising is really helpful in managing the symptoms. It puts me in a focused headspace that generalizes to other parts of my life.

I use a lot of self-talk. But, anxiety and depression definitely suck the happiness out of my life. I didn’t grow up in a happy household either, so I never learned the skills to manage these things until I reached adulthood. College made a difference, as I met people who had these skills and I learned from them. Plus the program I was in for psychology taught me a lot about myself which helped me learn how to cope more effectively. 

The symptoms probably started earlier than I can remember but I remember for sure around 10 years old when my parents formally divorced. I didn’t know how to cope.

I didn’t have much privacy so I never kept a diary. I tried to a few times but without success. Around 16 years old I had my first panic attack and anxiety just became a part of my life from that point. I didn’t understand what I was experiencing or feeling, and there wasn’t this push to address mental health at the time.

Therapy was still something people didn’t talk about. Journaling wasn’t something that was encouraged as a way to understand yourself better. Diaries were just places where you vented, not where you processed.

I now have a far better understanding of my experiences including how some of my struggle was related to ADHD and not exclusively anxiety and depression but they still were there. It’s every day though that it impacts me.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I felt lost in every sense of the word. I didn’t understand myself in relation to others. I wasn’t happy anywhere I went or with anyone.

I wasn’t happy alone, with my friends, family, boyfriend, work, anywhere. I felt most at peace when I was running, hiking, or reading a fantasy novel. I found peace in nature or books.

I isolated myself even when I was present. I became really good at hiding what was going on in my head. I pretended to be happy, mostly because I didn’t want anyone to know I wasn’t. And I knew it wasn’t anything that anyone else was doing, I just felt so unfulfilled. 

I can remember no one asking if I was okay. Which made me think that I didn’t have a reason to not be okay. Like I needed to be okay. That I didn’t have a single reason to be unhappy.

This was so invalidating. But I also didn’t see any way out. Like this was going to be a perpetual state of unhappiness that couldn’t be resolved. It was the loneliest I had ever been. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I remember this day so clearly. I had been a mess for at least 8 years. But, I functioned so well, no one could tell.

Until they could. For a year or so, I was probably spiraling. My boyfriend was tired of it and he told me to act like I wanted to be in a relationship as much as I say I want to be.

This was the “ah-ha!” moment for me. I was so consumed in my own misery that I couldn’t see how much it was impacting him. I hated that I was doing that. So I sought out therapy.

I had a few different ones but they all helped in their own way. The first one helped me get my act together by changing behaviors. I wasn’t ready to go in person so I did the online therapy services.

I would have to say, 40% of my change was because of the circumstances, if it wasn’t for him saying something I wouldn’t have made the change when I did and the other 60% was the behavior changes I made. 

By being more mindful and aware of my actions I was able to change how I saw things. This definitely increased my sense of happiness.

It is amazing how deep in the forest of my own unhappiness I was. I couldn’t see the sky above or the other side of the forest. But, having important people in my life and just needing a change made a difference.

That is why I say 40% can be attributed to the circumstances at the time. I had so much going on but my boyfriend is important to me. I couldn’t live with my own unhappiness affecting him.

I could have just kept doing what I was doing and dealt with the consequences but I didn’t want to. I spent more time with friends, I began eating better, I utilized my support, and I eventually even changed jobs. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

This is a multi-year journey and is something that must be worked on forever. It isn’t like a magic pill that you can take that makes your life better, is a mindset and lifestyle change. 

I stopped considering happiness as something external. This didn’t take a therapist to learn but I did learn just by reading articles and books.

Happiness will never be found externally. Things and people may contribute to your happiness but they can’t be the source of it. Happiness comes from ourselves. 

I work on this every day. I do my best not to talk to myself as I wouldn’t talk to anyone I cared about. If I wouldn’t say it to my friends I do my best to not say it to myself. 

I treat food as fuel and something that keeps me going. I do my best not to judge the food that I eat, it fuels me. 

I make a point to talk to and spend time with my friends. This is important because my job is emotionally draining and sometimes I can get into a loop of just wanting to be alone, but friends are necessary and good for us. 

I make time for myself. So doing things that are just for me. Reading, playing a video game, creating something. I personally love to draw so I make time for that. It is uninterrupted time for things that are just for me. 

I remind myself that sometimes things are exactly as they appear and we don’t need to look any further into them. 

And then there’s therapy, lots of therapy. My therapist and I work on this a lot. Not everything is mine to bear or fix. I take on other people’s stuff too much and it is a lot of childhood trauma where I was responsible for other people’s happiness at the cost of my own.

But we aren’t responsible, we are only responsible for our actions and emotions. We can influence others’ feelings but we aren’t responsible for them. 

Another thing my therapist and I work on is setting healthy boundaries. Especially with work. My identity is not my job, it is not my career, I am so much more than that.

We all are so much more than what we produce. We are complex beings and all of that should be given attention and not just what we do for others.

This also applies to friendships that might not be a good fit for us. We are allowed to grieve friendships and we are allowed to let go and move on past them. Sometimes our growth doesn’t align with other people’s growth and we grow past them. That is okay! 

Jobs or relationships sometimes just do not grow with us. That doesn’t mean we stop growing and let unhappiness and misery swallow us. That means we mourn the loss but keep growing. 

Another thing I learned from therapy is that we cannot be anyone other than who we are. Stop pretending. We will not be everyone’s favorite cup of tea but it doesn’t mean we aren’t good as we are.

I needed to learn to just be myself. This is something I am still working on because I am still trying to figure out who that is. But I have a far better understanding of that than I did before.

I was bullied for who I was growing up, but she is super rad and I liked who she was. So that is something I am still working on. But, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you are good as you are.

We can grow more into who we are just because that is how life goes, but we don’t have to do that to make other people more comfortable. That’s the difference.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Sheesh, I am still trying to work on sharing this with other people. But I share it with my boyfriend and my closest friends. Just because we all struggle and it is okay to normalize it.

Once I started normalizing my own struggle, I noticed people around me shared theirs as well and we were learning from one another. I was afraid to appear weak or broken by sharing what I was experiencing. But, I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t.

I found it difficult to share my struggle with my parents. I didn’t want them to feel at fault because I needed help, but they partially were. Their choices impacted me a lot as a child. So I was afraid to share things with them, more of me wanting to make everyone comfortable around me.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Struggling is normal, it is okay to talk to someone about it. If you aren’t ready for that, then buy a book. If you don’t like to read, listen to a podcast or listen to the book on Audible.

But don’t get in your own way. That’s the hardest thing I had to learn. For a long time, I was my own worst enemy. I was stopping myself from feeling happiness. I was stopping myself from continuing on my journey.

There are so so so many resources out there now. There isn’t a reason to not heal. The temporary discomfort of healing is so much easier and shorter than the prolonged discomfort from fear of happiness.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Personally, I just like anything by Brene Brown. I recommend her generally speaking. She has done TED Talks and she has a podcast. Looking her up and seeing what she has out there, you can learn so much. 
• When learning about my own trauma I found the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk to be super helpful.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can follow me on Instagram or connect with me on LinkedIn!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression: My Journey to Finding Peace appeared first on Tracking Happiness.