Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hi there! My name is Cami and I live in Flagstaff, Arizona, with my adventurous husband and sometimes even more adventurous kids. We have 6 of them, 3 boys and 3 girls, ages 21, 18, 17, 15, and 12-year-old twins.

They are a wild and crazy bunch keeping me busy with all their sporting events, outdoor activities, and friend hangouts. Most weekends are filled with our kids’ activities but when we have a “free” weekend you will find some, or all, of us in a canyon, rappelling off cliffs or rafting on a river, (sometimes both in one trip). Often with a friend or two in tow who may or may not be aware of what they have signed up for. 

I am a much happier person if I can spend a little bit of time each day in nature. I love an early morning run by myself, something with my family, or connecting with friends for any and all trail adventures.

Our ladies’ group loves to chat. We also like to mountain bike, hike, ski, and snowshoe, but most importantly, we talk. You’ll hear us before you see us. 

I am a life coach and started my trauma-informed embodiment coaching shortly after suppressed and repressed trauma came up in my body. At the start of my healing, I couldn’t find a coach who offered the body-based healing I was seeking to release my trauma, so I decided to become what I needed.

Since then I have found a number of healers, realizing that I just didn’t know where to look. These coaches, therapists, and healers have helped me and I am now fortunate to join with them in offering embodied trauma healing.

As for happiness, I always considered myself happy. However, now that I see happiness as an embodied experience, where I can feel a range of amazing and hard emotions, I see the happy person from my past differently.

I see she was doing the best she could, but in reality, she was in trauma most of her life, and that manifested with fawning behaviors of people pleasing, pretending, hiding from her true self, and darn good at being the happy person she was supposed to be.

Today, I know how to feel happy while being in my body, and that is so different than just acting happy. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I thought my struggle started in 2019, but my trauma would tell me a different story. In 2019 I was a 42-year-old woman, taking a course on reclaiming my desire when I was blindsided by memories of a sexual assault from 26 years earlier that refused to be repressed any longer.

Like a beach ball being held underwater ready at any moment to explode to the surface, they chose that moment to burst out of hiding and come forth with a vengeance into my memory and body.

Repression is a coping technique for the freeze response. It’s a way to dissociate from the pain and overwhelm of a traumatic event so there is zero memory of the event or anything connected with it. I now view repression and dissociation as a very kind response because knowledge of my assault rocked my world at 42.

I can’t imagine what my 16-year-old self would have done if the full weight of what I was experiencing came crashing down on me. I had zero resources and no one to believe me if I shared my truth. Few from my past believed me when I shared at 42.

Once the door of repression was opened, I couldn’t stop the floodgate of memories and body responses that came pouring out of me. In fact, many of these traumatic moments were memories of times over the course of those 26 years, when a smell, phrase, place, or mention of my perpetrator’s name would cause a reaction that was out of my control.

Those moments were surprising, startling, and confusing (because, I didn’t remember the assault, I felt my body was acting crazy). Then as victims often do, I would gaslight myself by saying what I was remembering wasn’t real or could never have happened to me.

Then I would promptly shove that memory or body response back down inside me, back to wherever it came from. This reaction is called suppression, meaning something coming up is too overwhelming and so a victim’s survival nervous system will tuck it away and store it for their body to try to offer again at a later date.

Suppression and repression are coping tools common in those with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and when traumas are no longer suppressed or repressed, the past trauma is brought into the present as if it’s happening in the current moment.

In 2019 my past trauma became a constant part of my everyday life and I was diagnosed at my first therapy session that year. 

Over the next couple of years, as more and more trauma surfaced, I found that I also had cPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) another name for developmental trauma.

Unlike PTSD which usually comes from a big T trauma, an event most people agree would be traumatic, cPTSD comes from many small events. The C stands for how complex and interwoven the events can be but to me, it stood for Craziness.

I felt crazy trying to make sense of it all. I knew what I was remembering really happened and yet I doubted and questioned my trauma and my experiences far more in this space due to how subtle it was.

I had 42 years filled with some good times but I wanted to minimize the larger amounts of betrayal from family, church, and friends. Plus there was more sexual abuse that filled up those complex memories. I had normalized the unhealthy in order to survive. 

Now, after 4 years of processing trauma, it continues to be mind-blowing that I had no memory of any of it until 2019. And that same mind-blown response that early in my journey led me into loathing and judgment of my younger self, now leads me into compassion, able to see those younger versions and why I needed my survival nervous system to be online keeping me safe and somewhat functioning.

I no longer have the scary trauma overtake me. When things come up, layer by layer as trauma does, I am no longer afraid. I trust my body and we heal together. We are no longer at war.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

The worst moments came between 2020-2022. I had contempt and hatred for my body’s choice to freeze as its survival coping. I felt weak and was disgusted that my survival kept my trauma at bay, yet bubbling in my unconscious mind and body for 26 years.

I hated the patterns of behavior I could see stem from a frozen me in my current life and I felt hopeless to change them. I felt controlled by my trauma and even though I wanted to do things differently, I couldn’t. Instead, I would freeze and dissociate.

And then when I realized I also had cPTSD, that meant I had been struggling with developmental trauma for 42 years. I had lost myself, never even knowing there was a self to find because I always went into fawning behaviors that managed everyone else at my expense and again, I couldn’t stop doing it. I was a victim and a martyr to my trauma responses and all the people around me. 

When all the flashbacks, memories, and sensations came out of their suppressed and repressed places in my body for both my assault and my complex little t traumas, I was physically exhausted and overwhelmed.

It seemed as if every cell of my body was releasing a memory, a sensation and thought pattern connected with it that felt true and terrifyingly unsettling all at the same time.

I found myself reliving moments of my past over and over again multiple times a day, through memories or body visceral responses that would cause so much terror, disgust, and physical pain, that I thought it would overtake me.

I thought I had to suffer alone and pretended I was fine. I was definitely not happy but thanks to my fawn response, I had always been good at pretending. But my husband was not fooled and neither were my kids.

They knew something was up and looking back, I can see how distracted I was. I had a hard time being present with my kids, husband, and friends because I was so busy trying not to let the memory that was currently playing on repeat have my full attention. I felt I was always divided between 2 worlds.

One I wanted to be fully present in but unable to because of all that was going on inside and one I was trying to avoid but never could. I felt crazy. And I started acting crazy in my attempts to pretend I was fine. I wanted so desperately to be fine.

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

There are 2 moments that got me out of the crazy feeling pretend loop I was repeating day after day. One came in 2019 when I was still in denial of how much my PTSD was affecting my life. The other came when I realized that trauma is not mental and so it needs a body-based healing approach.

In 2019, the memories were coming but I was still trying to hold them at bay. I didn’t want what happened to be true and I was resisting, trying so hard to hold back the floodgates. My body would shake without me being aware. I remember my daughter asking me why my hand was shaking. As I looked down at my hand, I saw nothing but a hand at rest.

It felt disconnected from me but I couldn’t see what my daughter could. She put my hand in between her 2 small hands and said, “Mom, they are shaking so much.” I couldn’t feel or see my own hands shake until they were in between hers.

I was terrified that not only could she see something I couldn’t but I couldn’t see or feel myself shaking without her help. My body felt out of control and I wondered what else I was doing that I wasn’t aware of? It was time to get help. 

This was 30% of my change for the better. It was the push I needed to let others support me in my healing from trauma. I saw a therapist, did EMDR, and became a frequent attendee at any trauma summit I could find.

Life coaching, mindset, trauma education, and mindfulness really helped me start to get out of my trauma narratives and have hope that I could heal neuro pathways.

The next 60% came when I realized that trauma is not mental. Even though I had new narratives, I was still constantly triggered and pulled back into trauma responses.

My body, especially my survival system, did not believe the new reframes and new pathways I was creating. The shift came when I took my first body-based trauma release class during COVID. It was somatic experiencing (SE) from Peter Levine.

During that class, I learned tools to let trauma energy cycle through and leave my body. For the first time, I had space to believe my mindset reframes, I didn’t just think them.

Through this class, I no longer hated the experience of my body and I finally believed my body was my own. This shift into embodied healing started me on a path to learn more and is what has made all the difference in releasing my body’s stored trauma.

The last 10% comes each day that I let those traumas show me what I’m still holding that is now ready to be set free. 

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I’d like to offer that healing is not linear. Some people start with body-based trauma releases and then move to the mindset work. Some do a little bit of both at the same time. Others need mindset, compassion, and mindfulness before they can get into their body.

Trauma is stored in the body and needs to be released from the body and that releasing doesn’t come from hating the body but rather from a turning towards the body.

Which is so hard to do when trauma is in control. And yet, getting into my body helped me to come home to the safety it always wanted to offer me but couldn’t due to the trauma it was holding.

I will share my path and invite you to see what speaks to you and then invite you to follow that and find the next thing that speaks to you.

Life coaching resonated and I was able to give myself options through mindset work and letting wisdom come from within my own mind.

One of my trauma narratives was that I was not very smart and I couldn’t think for myself but needed to instead look to outside sources to tell me what to do. Life coaching taught me how to think for myself.

Next, EMDR gave me the ability to not only learn more about the trauma narratives I was living my life from, but it also gave me a framework for getting into my body in a way to recognize and quantify on a scale of 0-10 how much I believed or didn’t believe something or how triggering something was.

Then after moving my eyes back and forth (bilateral stimulation), my body could regulate and decrease the triggers while also believing more healthy narratives. And bonus, I came up with the narratives from within me and learned my body knows how to heal me.

This is what then led me to look for more ways to let my body speak so I could understand how to release more traumas that kept resurfacing. At first, the body-based techniques seemed too woo-woo for me to explore and yet I was also drawn to them. Thankfully I could hold the conflict and let myself learn anyway.

Somatic work helped me reclaim my body and I finally believed my body was my own instead of an object for others.

Chakras, energy, and subtle body work taught me how to energetically process and move trauma through my body and let it go in a compassionate way, offering understanding for my experience. 

Polyvagal work helped me learn more about the internal landscape within my body and how the vagus nerve can help regulate my internal world, especially when I was in a trauma state. I learned how to move in and out of different trauma states safely.

When my body was a safe place and I could trust myself to listen because of all the body work I had done. Then I went into inner child work. This can be ego, shadow, or parts work.

But the one that spoke to me was inner child and I was able to learn how to let my little Cami have a voice. She never had that. I learned that I often went on autopilot doing what she wanted me to do based on narratives she’d picked up over her years of conditioning.

I noticed that her guidance often came from fear and I was reactive, unconscious, and unloving in that fear. I learned to listen to little Cami but not believe everything she said was true.

My inner child therapist helped me tap into my inner wisdom, and I learned to let her speak and offer my inner child guidance that was teaching her love as a way of goodness instead of reward. I am teaching little Cami how to act from that place instead of trauma conditioning.

This has been my journey. I invite you to find healing from trauma through body-based modalities that offer safety and teach you how to complete energy cycles. Alongside trauma education, mindset, and mindfulness, in whatever order your body, mind, and heart seek.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

We heal together what we cannot do alone. I had a hard time getting support at first. Another strong trauma survival narrative for me was that I had to do everything alone.

I couldn’t trust others because I couldn’t trust myself, so it was actually super helpful to invite others into my trauma and bask in their trust in me to teach me what I didn’t yet believe or see in myself.

My husband and my friends are the first ones I shared those first terrifying memories with. They held me, supported me, and gave me space to express through words (often rants), many tears, and a variety of emotions. All of me was seen and welcomed.

My husband, friends, coaches, and therapists became the resources my 16-year-old and younger self didn’t have. Their support was huge in me being ready to heal. 

In trauma healing, we need to surround ourselves with people who can see us, especially when we are first healing. I find it can be the most loving thing, and what can offer the most goodness, is to give ourselves a choice in who we share our journey with.

It is okay to not share or no longer see family, friends, and acquaintances who pull for us to go back into trauma coping because they are most comfortable when we act in old trauma patterns.

We build up the capacity to be able to hold on to our sense of self around those who most harmed us. It takes practice and it’s ok to choose not to practice and take a rest from the crazy.

Sometimes we need to step away to see clearly. I have family members I no longer speak to and others I have created boundaries around how I interact. It comes with a vast array of feelings to do this and it’s been a journey to let myself feel the grief and loss of these connections. 

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

You are not alone. And you have a choice. Others have been where you are and they are no longer there. The triggers can disappear. You don’t need to stay stuck. You can heal. 

And, you matter, your healing matters, you are worth it, even if you don’t feel like any of that is true. I know I couldn’t believe I mattered when I first started this journey. The only part of that statement that would have seemed true was “even if you don’t”. 

But to know healing and believing I mattered was possible; to meet someone who could really see me; to know it was possible to find safety in my body, even if it terrified me; to be offered that I could have a choice and I’m not left by myself to figure this out would have been so empowering to know earlier.

In trauma choice is taken away, so knowing that I can create my own possibilities and that I have choice around what I create, that would have given me power I didn’t know I had and offered me hope and freedom I didn’t know I could even want.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. van der Kolk helped me understand on a basic level, how trauma was really stored in my body. It resonated on so many levels and I felt seen.
• Getting Past Your Past by Francine Shapiro opened my mind and body up to the expansive feeling of what little bits of regulation within my nervous system could feel like. 
• Better Than Happy Podcast by Jody Moore has been my go-to life coach since even before my trauma surfaced. She gave me the tools to have a choice within my mind and gave me my first taste of what an “And this could also be true” could look like.
• The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast by Adam Young filled me with more context for why my body was responding the way it was in trauma. He helped my brain understand my body on a whole new level.
• Tara Brach’s podcast always gives me a space to get into my body and reconnect with me.
• Become Your Own Medicine YouTube channel by Irene Lyon gave me the nervous system education I needed along with many techniques and tools to apply embodiment to releasing trauma.
• Share Your Stuff, I’ll Go First by Laura Tremaine was a beautiful, fun read into ways I could share my truth and share my voice.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

As a trauma-informed embodiment coach, I guide women on their trauma-healing journeys. With a compassionate and holistic approach, I empower clients to reconnect with their bodies, release themselves from trauma’s grip, and cultivate resilience.

Drawing upon my own experiences, I offer 1:1 sessions, workshops, and practices that promote self-awareness, healing, and transformation. You can sign up for free weekly tips via my newsletter page.

You can learn more about me via my website, Instagram, Facebook LinkedIn, and on my podcast.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post How Somatic Healing Helped Me Navigate CPTSD to Find True Happiness appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

My name is Jonathan. I currently live in Israel. I am unemployed, but constantly look for a job that I might be able to maintain despite my difficulties.

I have a dog and a cat. Both weren’t really mine initially, but I have a tendency to take in animals.

I’m very passionate about creativity – as a consumer of music, films, books, visual art, and also as a creator. For most of my life, I didn’t allow myself the title of ‘creator’ as I deemed myself not good enough, but I try to shift that stiff perspective.

I wouldn’t consider myself happy, but I do have moments of happiness, and I try to allow myself to immerse as much as I can in them, instead of rejecting the feeling when it comes.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

Clinical depression, anxiety, CPTSD, and Binge Eating Disorder. I coped by self-medicating with alcohol and pills, and so for a few years, the problem was alcoholism. When I got sober, I became obsessed with food.

Food was always an underlying issue, though. I only found my fondness for alcohol when I was looking for alternatives to eating in my teenage years. 

The obsession over death and dying was always there. The need to disappear, to be forgotten, was always present. Food was a way to have some sense of control inside that chaos, and over the years that struggle presented itself as anorexia, binge eating, purging with exercise, self-harm, and then alcohol and pills (mostly Xanax).

It has been a daily struggle for me and for any person who was around me, who is around me. I was sucking the air out of every room I walked into, and treated others unfairly out of being so blindly obsessed with my own issues.

I lied, cheated, stole, and lied again. To others, to myself. Even people who were taking care of me – therapists, carers at rehabs, other addicts. Lies upon lies, to escape the shame.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

I would fantasize about dying and vanishing off the face of the earth. The only problem I could think of was that the memory of my existence would remain after my death – and I couldn’t handle that. 

Happiness wasn’t even in my vocabulary other than a cruel word to describe the opposite of the sheer misery I felt. The misery I still feel, most days.

It was apparent to everyone that I came across. I hated their concern. The pity. Which just drove me further into shame and more using and more shame and so on. 

Share your story: Help thousands of people around the world by sharing your own story. We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I was drunk on the bathroom floor in a motel in Venice. It was a few weeks after a breakup, I sobered up in those few weeks as I tried to make believe that I can change and that I’m in control.

My mother saw what state I was in, and booked a flight for us to Venice. Just to get me out of that house, for some miracle to happen. 

The second night there, I relapsed and I couldn’t handle it – laying there in a foreign country, wasted and hungry, with my poor mother in the next room who paid the money she didn’t have just to try and make me feel better.

To prevent me from going through with that fantasy of dying in my room. Something broke and I asked for help, for the first time I ASKED instead of being forced into receiving help.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I’m still very far from overcoming anything, but I have almost a year of sobriety, and I feel proud of that.

I went to rehab, I failed  – and went again. I tried going to groups afterward, wasn’t my thing, so I reached out to specific people that I felt like I could trust, or at least trust enough to be able to share with them and listen when they had something to say. 

I had to stop working out and try to manage my eating for a while. I felt shittier, I looked worse – but I feel like from that came an ability I didn’t have before, which is the ability to have some wiggle room. 

Being sober or being ‘okay’ isn’t about becoming perfect. 

A lot of people expect to look better or earn more or fall in love and so on. Sure, it can happen – but those are not pillars to build yourself on, because they can fade.

You need to do an inventory with yourself or a therapist, look into who you are that brings you such shame or guilt, and start confronting that.

For me, I have to keep reminding myself that things aren’t as big as they seem in the moment. If something goes wrong, my tendency is to balloon it up to enormous proportions and then I get so anxious that I HAVE to use it. 

I think I got lucky in a twisted sense, on that bathroom floor in Venice. I’ve been drunk on floors more times than I can remember  – but that time I felt so crushingly alone that I HAD to try something else.

So it’s 50% luck, 40% determination to not go through withdrawals ever again, and 10% a realization that I never wanted drugs or alcohol or even to look good or eat yummy things. I just wanted to feel at peace.

Now I know where the peace isn’t, so I keep looking, finding glimpses, and then it’s gone again. You have to keep looking, knowing you’ll probably never find it for more than a few moments, and that it’s enough.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

A bit, some parts.

Honestly, I don’t feel able to share everything with anyone, as I’m still carrying shame around it. I did share some things in rehab, with a close friend, with my current girlfriend. 

I’ve found that it’s easier for me to open up about my alcoholism and pill abuse and not about my eating disorder. Maybe because there’s a weird romanticization of being an alcoholic, whereas food problems lack the glamor. I need to work on that.

I do not feel comfortable sharing with most of my family or people who were my friends, some of them are very religious and some would just not understand and would see it as if I’m saying they are flawed for not being able to understand, which is obviously not my intention when I share.

It’s hard if I try to do it for myself, but for some strange reason, it comes much more easily if I feel it would be for someone else’s benefit. 

It’s a cliff I’ve been living on my whole life, so if I see someone else standing there I feel compelled to share, even if my experiences are embarrassing or painful to me in a bad light (which is fair. I’ve been an arse for a long time).

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Nothing remains the same. It might look the same or feel the same – but it’s not. We are constantly shifting, inside and out, taking from and giving back to the feedback loop around us.

If you can do something that you deem helpful even just once – it’s a step that already changed you a bit. Every sip you didn’t take counts, every hobby you’ve tried gave you something.

When you fall, embrace it and try to move forward again, as impossible or pointless as it seems. I know I’d hate reading these words, but I had to write them. I hope someday you’ll be able to read them and understand why.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

I read and listened to whatever I could find, from Gabor Mate to I’m Glad My Mom Died.

But honestly, it’s not about anything that anyone else can say or how much you understand about the mechanisms that move you, It’s about sitting with yourself and trying to be.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

No social media for me.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

Want more interviews?

Continue reading our inspiring case studies and learn how to overcome mental health struggles in a positive way!

Want to help others with your story? We would love to publish your interview and have a positive impact on the world together. Learn more here.

Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post My Journey From Alcoholism to 1 Year Into Sobriety and Better Mental Health appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

Hello! My Name is Alana, I am 30 years old and I live in the Buffalo Region of New York State (Go Bills!). I have two daughters; one biological, age 9, and one step, age 19. They are absolutely the lights of my life and make me laugh on a daily basis. Along with the girls, I live with my fiance, our two cats, Douglas and Mo, and our old pup, Hank. 

Currently, I do seasonal crew work and bartend at a large outdoor venue where we host everything from graduations and dance recitals to operas and rock concerts. It’s definitely a “come as you are” kind of place which is something I really appreciate since I don’t have to wear that “mask” and I can be my authentic self while I’m there. 

In the off-season, I am a Sociology student, aiming to become proficient in family dynamics and criminology. It’s become a passion of mine, as I was a child in the juvenile justice system due to the struggles stemming from my home life. I hope to one day help children and families in the ways me and mine weren’t. I also make and sell some handmade crafts like jewelry, resin crafts, and other various forms of artwork.

Both school and crafting have become very therapeutic in my healing process as they’ve offered me a ton of validation and hope. Hey, I’m not crazy after all! 

In terms of happiness, I’d consider myself “happy,” absolutely. I have exactly what I’ve always wanted. But I often have to remind myself that I am. I know it sounds a little weird, but I got so used to viewing the world from a negative perspective as a survival mechanism that my inner-critic became the only thing I listened to for a long time. 

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Download The Free Cheat Sheet

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I was officially diagnosed with ADHD in the summer of 2020 and later diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2023. Learning more about them, they overlap each other tremendously, so oftentimes I’m not sure if it’s ADHD or C-PTSD that’s the culprit whenever I’m experiencing symptoms.

There’s a sneaking suspicion that the C-PTSD is at play most of the time. Some of my symptoms include anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, forgetfulness, restlessness, sleep irregularities, emotional regulation issues, irritability, social difficulties, hyperfocus, and inability to focus. The list goes on… 

Symptoms started as early as I can remember. I had a pretty traumatic childhood; my father was physically abusive to both myself and my mother and it was normalized throughout my father’s family so there was no getting away from it until my mother decided to leave.

It wasn’t a once-in-a-while thing either. Fights were frequent and so was moving; I went to 6 different elementary schools by the time I hit the 2nd grade. Once she did leave when I was 7, she resented my father so much that I became the scapegoat.

Unfortunately, she also came from an emotionally abusive household; my grandmother more than likely has Borderline Personality Disorder and my grandfather enabled the abuse. She wasn’t able to provide the emotional care I needed because my grandparents never modeled it. That’s been a tough thing to come to terms with because it’s still an ongoing struggle. 

I started feeling anxious early on; stomach aches, headaches, an immense fear of the dark, and I was usually punished for all of that instead of tended to, or told to suck it up. As I was so often the new student, I was also an easy target for bullying. I had a love/hate relationship with the school. I loved to learn new things, and still do!

I won awards for my academics, maintained honors, and really took pride in my work. But, I left school every day in tears because I didn’t want to go back, the anxiety was paralyzing. I loved the learning aspect of school and what little validation I got from my teachers, but when it came to my peers, I couldn’t stand being the scapegoat there, too.  

It wasn’t all terrible, but when she flipped, I was punished which consisted of beatings, hours-long beratings, and such frequent groundings that it’s still a sad joke between me and some of my old friends.

I was labeled a “bad kid” by my family because of some of my behaviors like excessive crying, inability to sleep, and constant racing thoughts that I had to get out of my head, which made me an annoying kid, so my mom put me in counseling in an attempt to find out what was wrong with me.

Every child therapist I saw said that I was “an exceptional child” and that I would eventually grow out of whatever was ailing me. But I hid a lot of things for years because I didn’t want to get in trouble or hurt anyone’s feelings–including the self-harm that started at age 11. Eventually, she took me out of therapy and did the best she could. 

Over time, the unchecked trauma has manifested itself physically. It’s difficult some days to function. I deal with migraines, chronic pain, and fatigue. I’m actually currently in the process of trying to rule out (or in) Fibromyalgia.

I have pretty frequent brain fog so it’s hard to initiate and stay on task, and I often feel a sense of shame, like I’m a failure or “not enough,” and that leads to a lot of physical sensations; overwhelming dread, heaviness, heart palpitations, etc. I am always trying to stay cognizant of my emotions–always checking in on myself to breadcrumb flashbacks or the physical sensations that come up for seemingly no reason.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

At my worst moments, I was suicidal. I’ve gone through a few pretty bad bouts of depression where it’s difficult to do everyday things like shower, brush my teeth, or even change my clothes. The few bouts that stand out to me, of what I can remember, I hadn’t yet had a “plan,” but I most definitely wanted to die.

During these bouts, self-harm was at an all-time high. I would either cut myself or not take care of myself purposely because I felt like there was no point. There were a few times in the earlier days when I had partied a little too hard, hoping that I didn’t wake up the next day.

I felt so alone. I didn’t have a lot of friends, and the few I had were dealing with their own struggles so I never felt like I could burden them with mine. Dating was a nightmare; as much as I longed for love and acceptance, I never felt like I truly got it from romantic partners, and many of them were abusive which just perpetuated the cycle of self-loathing.

My mom remarried after some time, and she and my stepdad never really paid close enough attention to my mental health. And anytime I wanted attention or wanted to do something fun for myself and they had other plans for me, I was often called selfish. So for years, I felt like I was.

I never really tried to hide anything other than self-harm. I was terrified of being sent to a facility where I would have no control over the way I wanted to heal. I knew I had to, I just didn’t know where to start. On top of that, I desperately didn’t want anyone to blame themselves for what I felt; I thought this was all on me. For a long time, I felt like I had no reason to feel like this. I had everything I needed, what more could I want?

After the ADHD diagnosis, I was put on stimulants to try and regulate some of the symptoms. They worked very well at first; no more racing thoughts and I felt like a functional human being. But as time went on, I started becoming very rigid in my thinking, paranoid about how others perceived me, and I started projecting that my now fiance was going to leave me.

After a very emotionally taxing month for me and my fiance, I had an actual mental breakdown. Unable to stop crying, I voluntarily admitted myself to my local psych ward and stayed for a couple of days, ultimately being released after assessment. I realized that I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

Believe it or not, that moment came to me in what they called the “abscond room” at the psych ward. It was a waiting room, where about 30 of us were waiting for beds and only one phone was connected to the wall by a very short cord.

There was a woman around 20 years my senior who came in after me and while she was on the phone, I overheard her saying to her mom, “Mom, why don’t you believe me? I have a plan! I am going to kill myself. Why can’t you just listen to me? My whole life I’ve just wanted you to listen to me.” I related to her so deeply.

Just an hour prior, my own mother told me I admitted myself looking for attention, and because I wanted out, my attention-seeking backfired on me. Witnessing the woman on the phone with her mom was like looking at my own mortality. That’s me! I went through this for roughly 30 years, I was not about to go through it for another 20.

I knew I had to make changes. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I was definitely going to put myself first for once and really seek the help I needed for my inner child, so I could at least help heal the broken bits of me that needed repair.

When I got out of the hospital, at 4 o’clock in the morning, I searched for and emailed countless therapists in my area that specialized in EMDR therapy. The next day one called me and I’ve been seeing him ever since.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

I’ve since gone low contact with my mom and it’s helped. I still have days where I feel guilty for doing so, but I’m learning through therapy that I was designed to feel that way at a young age. It’s a lot of unlearning and relearning. It’s so uncomfortable, but when those “a-ha!” moments come… It really is such a good feeling to know I put myself on the right path.

My EMDR therapist is also a trauma-based therapist and he has helped tremendously. In my flashback moments, when my heart rate spikes and that feeling of panic and fear start to take over, he instructs me to start tending to “little me” in those moments while staying cognizant of my breathing. So, I speak to “little me” a LOT.

I comfort her, I give her things I wish I would have been given by my caregivers, and sometimes, I just let her cry. All of those emotions “little me” kept bottled up for so long have to be let out. It’s kind of like this little hack since I’m always looking to take care of others, so I offer care to another part of me as if it’s not myself in the here and now.  

One thing he’s said to me that has stuck out is “If you’re able to sit here and monitor your breathing, you are safe.” That’s helped SO much.

With my daughter, I also try very hard to offer her the emotional support I always sought as a child. I’m not quick to yell or punish, especially if she’s just being a kid. And there are times I accidentally reparent myself through parenting her, and I don’t even realize it.

For example, her father and I are no longer together, and while he’s still very much involved in her life and an excellent father, she has all the appropriate feelings behind leaving her dad’s house come Sunday night.

One night, he dropped her off and I could tell that she was upset, so I asked her if she was angry, disappointed, depressed, etc. She told me she was just sad because she didn’t get to spend as much time as she would like with her dad because the weekends are too short.

I reminded her that it was only temporary, and in the summer, she would get to spend much more time with Dad, and that he would love to spend more time with her too, but this is the system that works for us and for her the best.

She felt a lot better after our conversation and went back to being her happy-go-lucky self. After she went inside, I had to take a few minutes and grieve. I had to grieve the lack of that emotional validation surrounding my dad’s absence.

My fiance is so unbelievably supportive, so he sat with me on our porch while I explored that wound where I was never spoken to about it or consoled, spending hours on the couch just staring out of the window anxiously waiting for him to show up, only to wake up in my mom’s house the next morning feeling so… empty.

All of the times he forgot to pick me up from school, once on my 6th birthday. I was so angry at my mom for not doing what I just spent a few minutes doing so my daughter could feel better, and then I was sad, because “little me” went through life so confused and sad.

But, a huge wound was patched up a little that night and it was just so relieving and validating knowing that trauma-based therapy is truly helping.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

My fiance, stepdaughter, and my older sister are my go-to’s. They have been pivotal in my journey. I have a couple of very close friends that I can be very, painfully real with, and they don’t run away from it. I don’t really share a whole lot with my coworkers, just the surface-level things, but we’re all a bunch of misfits so a lot of it just goes without saying–we kind of just understand each other on a deeper level without having to know all the details.

My mom and stepdad are often the hardest to talk to about it, just because they’re not open to any sort of criticism. I can quickly find myself in a shame spiral when I do try to say how I feel about something since it’s often dismissed.

I try to share my story with whoever is open to it. We are all human and the brain is a powerful thing! We’re all going through something in one way or another and sometimes, in order for others to start their own healing process, it helps to know they’re not alone.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

What I wish I knew earlier was that I am not fundamentally broken. I’m kind of like the Japanese art of Kintsugi. The pieces of me are still there, and there might be tiny bits that won’t ever look the same, but I can be put back together and what comes out of it is a work of art. 

With that said, healing is not linear and it is not completely mess-free! You’re going to feel like you’re doing it wrong, but keep doing it anyway… and learn from it. Be compassionate with yourself on your bad days and congratulate yourself on your good days. There is no right time to begin healing and you deserve to feel good about yourself. What comes out of it can truly be a masterpiece.

I have gained, and continue to gain, so much wisdom throughout this entire journey, so another strong piece of advice would be to try to educate yourself on everything you can and do so with an open mind.

We all have room for improvement and the ability to grow and change will help us become the most authentic version of ourselves. It will also give us the strength to open ourselves up to the possibility that we’re all going through some complexities… some sort of struggle. Understanding yourself is the first step towards truly understanding others.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: This book helped me in so many ways that it’s hard to pinpoint particulars. It’s really explained how C-PTSD works, how it manifests within you, and how you can work through flashbacks. It was incredibly validating and helpful. A must-read for anyone who struggles with Complex PTSD.
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk: This book helped me realize that my physiological reactions were a symptom of C-PTSD. It also helped me learn how to “breadcrumb” my feelings back to their origin. Not every negative feeling is tied to a trauma, however, the ones that take me out for a while are. It answered a lot of the How and Why.
• Patrick Teahan LICSW on YouTube: He really spells a LOT of it out for you. It’s so validating. It’s basically free therapy with explanations behind how things manifest. He’s so kind, and he uses a lot of his own experiences in his childhood as points of reference, so he’s speaking from a true place of understanding.
• Last Podcast on the Left: This one might sound a little weird. I listen purely for entertainment, but the host, Marcus Parks, struggles with Bi-Polar/Depression and while talking about his struggles on an episode he said something so profound: “It is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” He went on to explain that the reason we have whatever ails us is not our fault, but since we have it, it is our responsibility to learn how to function with it–whatever that looks like. It’s been something I have taken on as a motto of sorts.

Where can we go to learn more about you?

I don’t really do social media other than Reddit! My Reddit handle is u/gnarlybetty and you can usually find me in communities like r/CPTSD or r/raisedbynarcissists – two communities I’ve found to be very helpful in my healing journey.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

My fiance and I are in an “age-gap” relationship; we’re 20 years apart. I mention this because we often get asked if one of us has something to “fulfill” for dating so far out of our age range. Maybe we do, but we just haven’t discovered it yet.

However, we don’t look at it that way. We got together at a time when we both needed someone to listen and understand us, we were both single at the time, and our values aligned perfectly.

We had known each other for some time through some family ties, so we weren’t strangers to each other at all. Huge plus: my stepdaughter was the one to ultimately hook us up. She was friends with my much younger sister and we always got along great whenever I saw her around, so it became kind of a no-brainer.

Generational trauma runs deep in my family, and as the scapegoat, I was left to carry the sins of the family. Being told I was just like my father, or his side of the family, was so deeply troubling that it caused a huge identity crisis. While I still have a good relationship with some of them, there’s a lot I never want to be associated with. 

***Trigger warning for rape/incest and domestic violence: I have a very dysfunctional family–on both sides. My biological father’s generation are all products of rape. My paternal grandfather (21 at the time) raped my grandmother (14 at the time) and because of misogynistic values, my grandmother was forced to marry him.

They later had six kids and my grandfather was physically abusive to her. He would line their children up and make them watch as he beat her, telling them that it was how you handled a disobedient wife. 

My grandfather raped my oldest sister for years and attempted to do the same to a cousin of mine. My cousin confided in my mom, my mom told her parents, and my dad turned to abusing my mom as the answer. 

My maternal grandmother was raised by an alcoholic father and an abused mother and was often sexually assaulted by her father in his drunken stupor. Because of the unchecked trauma, she sought relationships that often resembled the one she was raised in.

She raised her three children in a toxic environment and even struggled with mental health herself. In the 70s, she went through a mental breakdown and was administered Electroconvulsive Therapy at age 40. I have a lot of grace for my mom because of this… she was only given so much in terms of emotional support and I genuinely do not think she has the capacity to retain any more.

So, as an adult, she was an abused woman trying to take care of abused kids, as the cycle tends to repeat itself. But as Marcus Parks has said, it is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. It’s my responsibility to take care of myself now, despite longing for a relationship I would never have with my mother.

My father was extremely abusive to my mother. I vividly remember her wearing makeup to bed, and as a woman who was adamant about washing her face at the end of the night, I found it odd whenever she did. My first memory is of my dad throwing our entire brand-new plate set at my mom, shattering everyone, while I stood there in a pull-up and watched through the doorway.

At one point, when the abuse was escalating and he started abusing her in front of others, he beat my mom in front of me, my cousins, and my aunt and uncle. The cops were called and a female officer came over to me to try and calm me down but I was so upset I could barely get a word out through tears.

I wanted my mom safe but watching my dad being carried out in cuffs was equally as traumatizing. I will never forget that feeling and it’s one I can’t even describe. It’s a lot to reconcile with as an adult, but I’ve tried to deal with each flashback as a fleeting thought…I’m not in danger anymore.

However, once my mom left and she had all of that unchecked trauma, she projected a lot of it onto me because I was my dad’s child. I wrote her a letter once when I was a child and I was so young in fact that it was written in crayon, but it was about feeling like because I was a part of my dad’s family, and I knew she hated them so much, that meant she didn’t love me and that’s why she was treating me so badly. Instead of being hit with any sort of realization, she mocked and punished me for it. 

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot more but probably not enough room for each traumatic event or how I got through it/what helps me work through it. But trauma therapy and learning about everything I can when it comes to the how and why has helped me tremendously. I’ve learned that I’m actually the healthiest one in my family! Go figure!! 

Through all of this, my older sister was my keeper. She was not the one abused by my dad’s family–she’s not a product of his. However, from the time she was 9, she was “mom.” She basically raised me until she moved out at age 17. I went everywhere with her–friends, work, wherever she had to go… if there was no parent around, she took me.

She kept me safe whenever she could and was the silver lining in my childhood. Every birthday or big event that I had in my life, she was right by my side–no one else. She had to leave for her own reasons and I hold nothing against her whatsoever. It helped her grow into who she is today and she is the most beautiful person I know inside and out. She is a fantastic role model.

To this day, she is my very best friend and is standing up as my Matron of Honor at my wedding this August. The only regret I have in life is not offering the same for my younger sister, but through therapy, I’ve learned that I was not able to be. I had to survive. Her home life is a lot less dramatic than mine was as she was raised by my mother and stepfather, and things got a lot easier for my mom as time went on.

My stepdad is the one I view as my actual father, and he’s a great one. My mom did do a lot of things right, and I’m so thankful she was given a different life than the one my sister and I had.

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Taking Care of My Inner Self & EMDR Therapy Helped Me Battle Childhood Trauma and C-PTSD appeared first on Tracking Happiness.

Contents

• Who are you?
• What is your struggle?
• How did you feel at your worst moment
• When did you turn it around?
• What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?
• Who did you share your struggle with?
• Your best piece of advice?
• Books and resources
• Learn more

Hello! Who are you?

When you live in a small rural town like I have, the isolation you feel can feel overpowering. In those small towns, every action and word is judged, and when you are constantly judged and belittled, you are filled with doubt, hopelessness, and emptiness. Let’s step back a few steps, I forgot to introduce myself. 

Hi, my name’s Lydia, I’m a young adult who has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety disorder, depression, and C-PTSD.

I know what you’re thinking, wow that’s a lot of damage, and what I can say is simple. When you get your shiny new diagnosis, they don’t tell you about other things like executive dysfunction, imposter syndrome, or that you are prone to other things.

I’ve had to face my dyslexia head-on more and more as an adult. I’m a graphic designer who specializes in ad design, so spelling is kind of important.

In facing my dyslexia I’ve had to come to terms with my self-doubts and insecurities of not being like everyone else. It’s hard to feel happy when it’s your own head calling you a failure.

Since then I’ve been researching ways to help me feel better, and improve in all aspects of life. I know my journey is not complete, but when you’ve been dealing with all of this stuff since you were five, you tend to pick things up.

By the way: Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control.

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What is your struggle and when did it start?

For my whole life, I’ve been struggling with Autism and ADHD. Do you know the scene in Bluey where Jack forgets his hat? That was my entire childhood. Forgetting things and being criticized about them, going through the destroy-build-destroy phase, and having zero emotional control.

Later in life, I was diagnosed with dyslexia and C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).

What I deal with is exhausting. Have you ever forgotten where you put your keys, or what you were going to say? That would happen to me at least 5 times in a morning. It’s not a big problem when it’s your keys, but it’s a major problem if it’s a person. 

When I got my diagnosis when I was a child, my doctor at the time told me by adulthood I’d grow out of it. I’m here to tell you that’s a load of BS. I struggle with my symptoms just as much as I did as a child, the only difference is I had more help when I was younger.

There is just more help out there for children with ADHD. Wanna know something else that no one tells you? The coping system you have as a child will not help you. So not only do you have to work twice as hard as your peers, but you get to learn new coping skills…yaaaaeee (I hope you noticed the sarcasm).

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Besides affecting my time management, my organization, and my work-life balance, Autism & ADHD also affected my social life. I was so lonely as a kid because I was different and weird. You have to remember, I had no impulse control and would just say and do whatever I was thinking about.

When you are a kid in school, your peers don’t see someone with a disability, they see a weirdo. What hurts the most is no matter how hard I tried to fit in, it never worked. I had many peers tell me to kill myself in high school (Zack Coble, I’m calling you out), or in middle school everyone would run away from where I was hanging at. 

During those years I had friends, but since I struggle with object permanence, I would forget they exist until I saw or talked to them again. Growing up I felt so isolated from my peers, parents, and teachers. In the first grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Hill, she had no idea how to handle someone with my disability.

Instead of researching and trying to find a way to help, she taped a box on the floor. In front of the whole class, she told me that this was the only place I could be, I was not allowed to get up at all.

Not only did my peers now have another reason to pick on me, my needs were not being met and now she had an even better excuse to ignore me. From that point on I never told another teacher I was struggling, cause if abuse is one teacher’s response, the rest would be worse.

People knew I was struggling with ADHD and still, I was given no help. I finally was given help in college. So yes people knew, they just didn’t care. 

I started masking and trying to hide it in high school, so much so that now as a young adult I have no idea who I am as a person.

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

College is when it started to turn around. It’s only just now realized by schools and parents that we need more help than most. And it’s not just that I can’t focus, or I’m not trying hard enough. Trust me, we are trying just as hard, if not harder. My struggle is still impacting me, my boyfriend doesn’t understand what I’m living with. That the same things he likes, my passion for the small stuff, and how excited I get also comes with the bad stuff. 

When you have Autism & ADHD it’s not about curing it or getting rid of it, it’s about learning how to live with it. Just like if you were blind you have other things that will help mitigate your symptoms like using a whiteboard to remember stuff, keeping things that you need on you at all times, doing tasks by timer, finding an organization method that helps you and caters towards your specific needs.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

With Autism and ADHD, it’s not about overcoming it. Trust me, I’ve tried for years.

It’s about learning to live with it. You first have to accept the fact no matter how you try to mask it, it’s going to be there. What helped me in the beginning was being faithful in taking my medicine. When I was younger, I was on a new ADHD med each year until I hit 12. Adderall, Ritalin, Strattera, name brand after brand, I’ve been on them all.

I stopped treatment at 12 because it all felt hopeless, I was either sick, a zombie, or both. I’ve recently been treating my Autism and ADHD with Vyvanse and that has been the only thing to not give me a negative response.

Now, medicine alone is not enough. Lucky for you, I’ve got a bunch of coping skills that can help. I’ve put them in list format to help:

Morning

• Set your alarm across the room and make it very obnoxious. Trust me, it will annoy you enough to overpower it. You also can’t doom scroll in bed if your phone isn’t near you.
• Set your medication by your alarm, coffee pot, or in your car. As long as you’re medication is where you plan to be first thing in the morning. As soon as you wake up you’re going to remember to take them. Some people say to put them by your bed. I actually don’t like that because it makes my executive dysfunction worse.
• Get up earlier than when you need to. I get up a full hour and 30 minutes earlier before I actually head to work to give myself time to settle, time for my medication to kick in, and just for myself to prepare mentally for the day because it takes a lot of energy. 

Night:

• Have a set time you have to be in bed. People who struggle with ADHD and Autism tend to have DSPS (Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome). We just tend to wake up and go to bed later than everyone else. If we listen to our natural signs we are going to go to bed super late and get up super late. My set time to go to bed is 10:30 PM.
• No sugar for an hour and 30 minutes before bed. I know the recommendation is an hour but I just recommend adding the extra 30 minutes.

Every day:

• Always keep your important stuff on you at all times: my phone, keys, headphones, and cups literally never leave my sight.
• The bulkier the item, the easier to find. If you love your slim phone, I’m sorry but you’re going to need to get a clunky case. No, neon cases don’t work. If it’s on a flat surface good luck finding it. If you have a big ass OtterBox on it, it will not blend into the countertop. Same with car keys. The more shite you have on it, the easier it is to see.
• If you lose something, look in the fridge. A good chunk of the time what we are looking for is food. We were hungry when we lost it, there’s a good chance that it’s nearby food.
• If you can’t find it, look in unusual places. I have found my phone on top of the fridge, on the mower, a fence post, under my bed, in my laundry basket, and the weirdest on my grandpa’s old tack room. What is common in all these places? My mind was somewhere else.
• Find a job that is best for you and your disability. If you want to be an engineer and you have ADHD, it may not be the best career for you.  I’m not going to say you can’t because I’m sure there are many people with ADHD that are amazing engineers. It is just going to be exponentially harder. People with ADHD like change. Change makes dopamine go fast.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

I’ve only shared my struggle with my family and my therapist. Since I faced bullying and public ridicule, until recently I’ve never felt comfortable sharing it with someone else.

If you’re like me and tend to hold on to all of your problems, I recommend talking to a therapist. They’re very open-minded. It’s a lot easier to talk to someone open-minded whenever you’re learning to talk about it.

When I was younger, here’s what helped: soup breathing. It’s a pretty simple exercise and hell, I use it to this day. I don’t use it to calm myself down, but more to treat my anxiety when it gets a little too scary.

The first step is you inhale. Then you just blow out like you’re trying to cool some soup off. So take a big deep breath. Hold it for like 4 seconds and then blow out through an o-shaped mouth until you’re out of air and keep doing that.

For the longest time, teachers and school counselors would make me uncomfortable talking about my struggles. They would always be quick to pass it off as me not trying hard enough or I’m just being lazy. They never seemed to understand. I was asking them for help. They always thought I just wanted to complain.

I had many teachers tell me that everyone else had it just as hard as I did. They didn’t want to learn what it’s like to be me. I remember going to the school counselors about genuine issues I’m having with teachers because they weren’t respecting my needs and being told that I was simply being overdramatic.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

Don’t be afraid of taking medicine. For the longest time, I hated the idea of taking medication. Not only from bad experiences but feeling like I can’t do anything without it. It’s okay to feel like that but don’t let it be the reason you don’t at least try it.

Also, asking for help is okay. I know you don’t want to feel like you’re a burden to those you love, but trust me, your loved ones would rather help you than follow behind your coffin. If you feel like you’re alone and don’t have anyone to talk to, I recommend the Reddit subreddit r/ADHD.

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• YouTube channel: How to ADHD
• TikTok channel: Conner DeWolf

Where can we go to learn more about you? (Links to social media, website, etc)

Nothing here!

By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here.

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

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Hugo Huijer Author

Founder of Tracking Happiness, with over 100 interviews and a focus on practical advice, our content extends beyond happiness tracking. Hailing from the Netherlands, I’m a skateboarding enthusiast, marathon runner, and a dedicated data junkie, tracking my happiness for over a decade.

The post Autism & ADHD: My Tips On Learning to Live With It Despite People Not Understanding appeared first on Tracking Happiness.